Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / The unconscious mind & emotional intelligence 🧠 Inside out with Kris

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The unconscious mind & emotional intelligence 🧠 Inside out with Kris · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apodjay production.
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Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
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Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
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Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
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Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm ashy, I'm Kiara.
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Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
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Speaker 3: up together.
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Speaker 4: Let's go deep, let.
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Speaker 3: The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow.
0:36
Speaker 3: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and
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Speaker 3: we're here to be your expander. Hi guys, welcome to
0:44
Speaker 3: Grow and Glow.
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Speaker 4: We have got a special guest here today. So exciting.
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Speaker 3: We have got Chris, also known as Inside Out with Chris.
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Speaker 3: Chris is a master NLP practitioner and personal development coach
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Speaker 3: that is taking strides in the industry to help women
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Speaker 3: take radical responsibility of their lives, unlock their full potential,
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Speaker 3: and tap into their unconscious desires.
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Speaker 4: Beyond her incredible as a life coach, she's a devoted mum, stepmom,
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Speaker 4: and wife. Her unwavering passion for personal growth and authenticity
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Speaker 4: drives a commitment to her client's success and the ability
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Speaker 4: she has to deliver is bang on tangible information and
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Speaker 4: task to transform her client's lives in such a short
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Speaker 4: amount of time is single handly way everyone should experience
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Speaker 4: the world inside Chris vortex. That is me. And you're
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Speaker 4: a very busy person. You're a mom, you're a stepmom,
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Speaker 4: you're a life coach and our peace specialist. How do
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Speaker 4: you do it all?
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Speaker 1: I don't. That is the job. I actually don't. And
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Speaker 1: I think that's so important for women who are in business,
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Speaker 1: who are moms, who just need to lean into the
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Speaker 1: concept of you actually don't have to do it all
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Speaker 1: to have it all. You do have it all, but
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Speaker 1: you don't do it all at once, right like never s.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I absolutely love the way you've worked about So
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Speaker 4: tell us a little bit bit about yourself, curl.
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Speaker 1: So, I am a personal development coach, mindset, business, life, relationships,
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Speaker 1: everything in between. I've got my master's in NLP so
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Speaker 1: neurolinguistic program so near being the mind, linguistic being communication
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Speaker 1: and language, and then programming being our limited beliefs and
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Speaker 1: like they're programming right from childhood and teenagers and things
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Speaker 1: like that. I have my podcast Inside Out with Chris
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Speaker 1: I also have my two step daughters who are fourteen
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Speaker 1: and twelve, my little ones that are five and four,
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Speaker 1: and my husband, Steve.
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Speaker 4: Steve this is called Wow, your hands are full. And
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Speaker 4: with your coaching, is it one on one? Is it groups?
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Speaker 4: Is it online programs, is it a bit of everything? Yeah?
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Speaker 1: So I love one on one. I find like close
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Speaker 1: proximity is where the biggest transformative results can happen. Like,
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Speaker 1: I'm a coach that really doesn't allow anything to go unturned,
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Speaker 1: So I'm like, I will call it as I see it.
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Speaker 1: I'm very intuitive with how I operate. I want women
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Speaker 1: to feel safe and in a judgment free zone. Right
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Speaker 1: at the same time, I'll call you on your shit,
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Speaker 1: like we're not here to play small. We're here to
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Speaker 1: go all in.
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Speaker 4: You're not there to tiptoe around things. We're not straight
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Speaker 4: to it.
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Speaker 1: That's it, and one on one's the only way to
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Speaker 1: kind of do that.
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Speaker 4: Other do you find you attract those clients in or
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Speaker 4: do you still get some that get quite triggered and
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Speaker 4: like scared.
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Speaker 1: If you're not triggered working with me, then like it's silly, that's.
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Speaker 3: The podcast, Or like if we don't trigger you, then
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Speaker 3: we're doing something like.
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Speaker 1: For me, I like to reframe it to activate it.
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Speaker 1: If I'm activating you, I'm going to get your results.
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Speaker 1: If you're not activated, let me know. Let's talk that out.
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Speaker 1: Let's unpack why you're not letting me do that.
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Speaker 4: It's almost like exercise too. It feel like if you
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Speaker 4: go to the gym and you walk out, you're like, oh,
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Speaker 4: that was a nice but you didn't work hard. Do
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Speaker 4: you want to be gassed and feeling burned and going wow,
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Speaker 4: I gave that one hundred percent.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, if I'm not sure I'm not doing enough, which
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Speaker 1: you know that one hundred percent mentality, I ton't want
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Speaker 1: that all the time for myself, Like, yes, the nervous
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Speaker 1: system needs us to slow down and we need to
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Speaker 1: do our Yoga or polity is a different style of movement.
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Speaker 1: Right when we need a walk, let's go for the walk.
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Speaker 1: We know when we connect with our bodies what we need.
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Speaker 1: But I think that you know you're going in for
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Speaker 1: a high intensity workout, do the workout hundred percent.
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Speaker 4: Same thing with coaching.
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Speaker 3: You're going in for a one on one you want
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Speaker 3: to get out you can that's.
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Speaker 4: What you're paying for your pain to really dig deep
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Speaker 4: and get to know yourself and do the work that
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Speaker 4: you kind can't do by yourself. You're really tapping into
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Speaker 4: that unconscious Can we talk a little bit more about that, actually,
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Speaker 4: because you know that's something you really specialize and help
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Speaker 4: them with. What is the unconscious mind?
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Speaker 1: So we operate from our unconscious mind ninety five percent
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Speaker 1: of the time. Why we do it, honestly, is life changing.
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Speaker 1: Once you become aware of that, you cannot unsee that.
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Speaker 1: So the things you do, the conversations that you have,
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Speaker 1: the decisions you make, the limitations you create, they're all
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Speaker 1: deeply embedded in your unconscious and you have fundamentally created
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Speaker 1: these limitations in your belief system between the ages of
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Speaker 1: zero and seven. And that's how imprint like. They are
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Speaker 1: important years. And look, I have no doubt my kids
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Speaker 1: will have limitations from me and all of our parents
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Speaker 1: create them, right, It's not something that you can really avoid.
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Speaker 1: But at the same time, we can change the way
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Speaker 1: that we feel about ourselves by changing our limiting beliefs
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Speaker 1: and releasing the ones that are holding us back.
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Speaker 4: So how do you do that with your clients?
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Speaker 1: So with my clients in NLP, we utilize a process
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Speaker 1: called emotional change therapy. So what that is. It's a
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Speaker 1: really powerful visualization process. It releases stagnant trauma and it
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Speaker 1: can also release limiting beliefs. So the way that it
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Speaker 1: feels is almost like meditation. It's soft, it's not nasty
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Speaker 1: or harsh or altering their state, Yeah, and takes you
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Speaker 1: on a bit of a journey and you get to
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Speaker 1: release anything that's holding you back. We would start with
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Speaker 1: the major limiting beliefs around particular emotions like anger, sadness,
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Speaker 1: your fear, and then we can get really specific and
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Speaker 1: talk about fear of judgment, not good enough, fear of success,
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Speaker 1: fear of failure. Like, we can explore those things too,
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Speaker 1: and that has been transformative for my clients.
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Speaker 3: How long are they fall like when you do like
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Speaker 3: the meditation type thing, Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Act can be about twenty minutes depending.
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Speaker 4: Y're okay? Cool? Yeah. Would you say that's one of
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Speaker 4: your main tools that you use with every single client
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Speaker 4: or just like one of the many.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it definitely is, because it's so powerful. It's
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Speaker 1: like why did I do anything else beforehand? Kind of thing.
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Speaker 4: That's how it feels the first session straight up, you're
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Speaker 4: into doing.
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Speaker 1: Tho you need to be ready. The client needs to
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Speaker 1: be ready, right, So you need to be body and
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Speaker 1: you need to be really available to open up to
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Speaker 1: the unconscious because a lot of thoughts and feelings will
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Speaker 1: play out that you might not have been aware of, right,
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Speaker 1: and they're deeply better, So like little memories might pop
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Speaker 1: off and things like that. So we'll explore that a
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Speaker 1: little bit as well. But yeah, it's a life traging
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Speaker 1: procedure and process that I've experienced myself, and that's why
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Speaker 1: I know that it's the most beneficial things for my
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Speaker 1: clients because I've done it and I've seen the results
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Speaker 1: in my own healing journey and self discovery. So yeah,
6:30
Speaker 1: a lot.
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Speaker 4: Of people in denial that they're conscious and they're living
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Speaker 4: very consciously.
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Speaker 1: Some things that come up, and this is what I
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Speaker 1: preframe and start. I'm like anything that comes up. Example,
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Speaker 1: if you want to say frog, say frog, I don't
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Speaker 1: care what the word is, it's going to make sense,
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Speaker 1: Like it'll make sense eventually. It's kind of like doesn't
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Speaker 1: make sense to them why they're saying it, so they'll
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Speaker 1: question themselves. But once it's embedded that no, it's actually
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Speaker 1: safe to say whatever words are coming to mind, Like
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Speaker 1: that's your own conscious, trust the process, stay with me
6:54
Speaker 1: here kind of thing. It's really safe. It's amazing.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, your sessions around an.
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Speaker 1: Hour fifty minutes. Yeah, it's enough. We get where we
7:01
Speaker 1: need to be every time. And like, I'm very intuitive
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Speaker 1: with how the session is going to go. So in
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Speaker 1: some instances, like I'll jump onto do AC ten, I'm like,
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Speaker 1: you don't need.
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Speaker 4: That today, we're going to explore this.
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Speaker 1: We're going to unpack this area.
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Speaker 4: I think it's important coaches do that. Brother saying he
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Speaker 4: does that too, Like sometimes he'll go into a session
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Speaker 4: and he has no idea how he's going to help them,
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Speaker 4: because it's like what you're feeling on the day, what
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Speaker 4: you're struggling with, and then he'll navigate it from there.
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Speaker 4: And I just say that intuitive healing is so beautiful.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely agree. Could not agree more.
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Speaker 4: And with your demographic or what kind of women are
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Speaker 4: you working with or what are you finding they're struggling
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Speaker 4: with most in today's society, because we obviously have a podcast,
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Speaker 4: there is a lot of mums. We find there's a
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Speaker 4: lot of anxiety, a lot of relationship troubles, a lot
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Speaker 4: of self worth issues. What do you find women are
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Speaker 4: struggling with most when they.
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Speaker 1: Come to you one hundred percent self worth. It does
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Speaker 1: play out. But I also feel that for the high
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Speaker 1: level women that I do work with, they mostly have
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Speaker 1: and this is not all of them. Their mums or
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Speaker 1: their business owners and they're doing the mom thing as well,
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Speaker 1: or they're having issues in their relationship, but they are
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Speaker 1: stuck in victimhood.
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Speaker 4: Oh interesting, which.
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Speaker 1: It's a self worthing of course, but the victimhood mentality.
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, if we start taking responsibility of self
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Speaker 1: in all areas, let's see what magic happens.
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Speaker 4: That's life changing, isn't it? Mentality? And much to just
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Speaker 4: holds you back.
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Speaker 1: Radical responsibility is the game changer, Like if you can
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Speaker 1: take ownership for everything in your life, like specifically, once
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Speaker 1: you start having radical responsibility and you make or adopt
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Speaker 1: the mindset of it's always on me, no matter what,
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Speaker 1: it's on me. If I'm late for work, it's on me.
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Speaker 1: If I'm lated to this, it's on me. What did
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Speaker 1: you do in the morning that made you late? Like,
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Speaker 1: you can't blame you can't blame the kids, you can't
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Speaker 1: blame your husband not helping you in the house. More
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Speaker 1: like you actually need to take responsibility for being lame
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Speaker 1: and be like, okay, this is on me. Apologize for
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Speaker 1: your behavior to whoever you let down, rather than being like,
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Speaker 1: oh sorry, there was just so much traffic, no ship,
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Speaker 1: there's traffic every morning. So true.
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Speaker 4: And you think about it, if your partners always blaming you,
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Speaker 4: has that feels. But if your partner's always taken responsibility,
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Speaker 4: it's such a trait that I admire and people that's
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Speaker 4: really love.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, It's not an easy thing for most people to do.
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Speaker 3: It's a been unco comfortable for I think a lot
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Speaker 3: of people to be like I am wrong or it's
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Speaker 3: my fault.
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Speaker 4: It easier to just point the finger, right.
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Speaker 1: Vulnerability is your superpower. If you take ownership in all areas,
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Speaker 1: that means being sorry, That means being so self aware
9:18
Speaker 1: that you own your shit. Vulnerability is your superpower. Just
9:21
Speaker 1: let that happen. Then cultivat into your relationships, into your health. Like,
9:26
Speaker 1: if you're not happy with yourself, what are you actually
9:28
Speaker 1: doing about it? Right? Like I'm already just talking about it. Yeah.
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Speaker 4: I hear a lot of people say like, for you
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Speaker 4: to be vulnerable, you need to be in a safe environment.
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Speaker 4: With safe people. But I now think I would have
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Speaker 4: said this like six months ago. I now think it
9:39
Speaker 4: takes a level of safety in my own body to
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Speaker 4: be vulnerable regardless of what anyone's going to say or
9:43
Speaker 4: their reactions. I feel safe and sentered in my body.
9:46
Speaker 4: I've got the strength to do it absolutely.
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Speaker 1: And that comes back to like writing responsibility again, what
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Speaker 1: are you doing to connect with your body? What are
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Speaker 1: you doing to support your nervous system a to anger
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Speaker 1: into feeling grounded, and like, if you're not doing those things,
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Speaker 1: you're gonna feel disregulated. Things are gonna play out leaky
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Speaker 1: like cool behavior plays out. And if I'm taking ownership
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Speaker 1: of that, well it's on you.
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Speaker 4: Thank you for the work that you do. When I
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Speaker 4: said this to Bright as well, like any life coaches,
10:08
Speaker 4: because I would not be who I am and where
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Speaker 4: I am today without having a life coach. I always
10:13
Speaker 4: have had one for the last ten years, and I've
10:15
Speaker 4: swopped and changed depending on what I've needed in my
10:17
Speaker 4: life at that moment. But the work you do and
10:19
Speaker 4: how much you can transform someone's life just by being
10:22
Speaker 4: there for them, it's freaking incredible.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. I went through really big experiences having
10:27
Speaker 1: worked with coaches myself as well and mentors over the
10:29
Speaker 1: last decade. And you know, prior to that, it was
10:32
Speaker 1: you know, the teenage years of whatever issues I was
10:35
Speaker 1: going through back then and working with psychologists or counselors,
10:38
Speaker 1: and what I experienced was that they were really governed
10:41
Speaker 1: by a body, right, they were governed by the time
10:44
Speaker 1: that we had together and what they could and couldn't say.
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Speaker 1: And with the work that I do, I give my
10:51
Speaker 1: clients access to me via like a messaging app, so
10:53
Speaker 1: outside of the session, you have support. You've got me
10:56
Speaker 1: for the time we work together, Like I've got you
10:58
Speaker 1: and you've got me. I'm all in on you if
11:00
Speaker 1: you're all in on you, right, like we utilize that
11:03
Speaker 1: because I would walk out of a session with account.
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Speaker 1: I remember being about sixteen, and I'm hysterical. We're just
11:08
Speaker 1: like I'm back some big things and I walked out
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Speaker 1: and I had to go home.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, and no one to talk to. Now Now what
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Speaker 4: do I do?
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Speaker 1: What do you mean? I'm so sad? Like how do
11:16
Speaker 1: I be happy? Now? Yeah? And I never want anyone
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Speaker 1: to leave me.
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Speaker 4: For So if they do a session with you and
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Speaker 4: then three days later they get activated or triggered or
11:23
Speaker 4: something in their relationship with something work happens, they're like, hey, Chris,
11:27
Speaker 4: what do I do with this?
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Speaker 1: Absolutely?
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Speaker 4: We sometimes swear on here please do you're you know,
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Speaker 4: within your boundaries. You're then like, I've got you, Okay,
11:34
Speaker 4: this is what we're going to do.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, Like I get up pretty early for fifteen,
11:38
Speaker 1: so I will see any messages overnight. I've got like
11:40
Speaker 1: forty five minutes before I start at the gym. So
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Speaker 1: I'm happy to get back to people. I want them
11:45
Speaker 1: to be held and feel safe and feel that they
11:48
Speaker 1: have someone to lean on, because a lot of the time,
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Speaker 1: you know, if it's people in relationships, they don't feel
11:53
Speaker 1: like this work is something they can share vulnerably yet
11:55
Speaker 1: and they're not ready, and even in friendship groups because
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Speaker 1: it's still something like there's the self aware girls and
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Speaker 1: the girls that are happy not to be self aware.
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Speaker 1: That's cool, you're not there yet, and that's absolutely fine
12:04
Speaker 1: if that's not you know, an experience that you want
12:06
Speaker 1: right now. But these women sometimes feel like they can't
12:09
Speaker 1: be open about what they're experiencing or transcending. So that's
12:12
Speaker 1: where I come in and they've got me in that time,
12:14
Speaker 1: and we bounce off each other just with voice notes,
12:17
Speaker 1: and we can get from A to B or A
12:19
Speaker 1: to Z. Whatever happens very quickly because it's like, okay,
12:22
Speaker 1: what did you do about it? Or you know, an
12:24
Speaker 1: example could be I've woken up with really bad anxiety.
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Speaker 1: My heart's raising, my stomach feels really sick, and I'm like, okay,
12:30
Speaker 1: what times you go to bed? Great, we're on your
12:32
Speaker 1: phone before bed? Right, did you eat tonight? How much
12:35
Speaker 1: water did you have yesterday? Like let's take it back
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Speaker 1: to basics, and then they'll be really honest and they're like, oh,
12:39
Speaker 1: I didn't have any water or I.
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Speaker 4: Was on my phone.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like okay. So the word emotion is linguistically speaking,
12:47
Speaker 1: energy in motion. So it's like, let's get up, let's
12:50
Speaker 1: move your body. That can just be sitting outside with
12:52
Speaker 1: a cup of tea watching the sun rise. That can
12:55
Speaker 1: be just laying on the ground and stretching. I don't
12:57
Speaker 1: care what it is. Just get up and let's move
12:58
Speaker 1: through the energy that's sitting within you, and then we
13:00
Speaker 1: can see how you feel after that. And nine out
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Speaker 1: of ten times they're like, oh I I'm okay now,
13:05
Speaker 1: thank you.
13:05
Speaker 4: But imagine if they waited two weeks until the next
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Speaker 4: appointment with you. All that time they've just carried that anxiety. Yeah,
13:11
Speaker 4: I know for me too, Like I just feel like
13:12
Speaker 4: I grew up in a household that wasn't very safe.
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Speaker 4: So having a life coach that I have access to,
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Speaker 4: like say, like what you do, it gives me that
13:18
Speaker 4: sense of security so I can continue the work. I
13:21
Speaker 4: don't have to park it until my next appointment. So valuable.
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Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, It's been, you know, life changing for my
13:27
Speaker 1: own healing journey. So I just think that I want
13:29
Speaker 1: to give that to every single woman that I can
13:32
Speaker 1: and make as much impact with that as I can,
13:34
Speaker 1: because like you don't know until you know. I wish
13:37
Speaker 1: my mum had a life coach when I was a kid.
13:39
Speaker 1: I wish my Arnie's got to experience, you know, thriving
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Speaker 1: lives like I'm doing at the moment and just feeling
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Speaker 1: great all the time. Like imagine if you felt awesome
13:47
Speaker 1: all the time.
13:48
Speaker 4: I know, and it's possible, like you kind of have
13:49
Speaker 4: access to that.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, And like vibrational frequency wise, like being neutral in
13:53
Speaker 1: the terms of emotion is something that everyone could just
13:57
Speaker 1: adopt and that will be life changing as well, So
13:59
Speaker 1: that if you're experiencing a low vibe or a low
14:01
Speaker 1: grade frequency where it's like anger, jealousy, hate, whatever, you
14:05
Speaker 1: can come back to neutrality really quickly. And that's what
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Speaker 1: I can do. I'm dysregulating and I come back. It's
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Speaker 1: like thirty seconds. I can do the work, and I'm like, Okay,
14:11
Speaker 1: I'm cool.
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Speaker 4: Not let it drag on the whole way.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's not go back and forth text messages or
14:15
Speaker 1: writing down everything I want to say and being strategic
14:18
Speaker 1: or like stalking someone's page. Like that's all behavior in
14:21
Speaker 1: my opinion, So I don't want to do that for
14:23
Speaker 1: myself behavior.
14:27
Speaker 4: Ye.
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Speaker 3: So what you saw as well, Chris, is that you
14:30
Speaker 3: speak a lot about emotional intelligence. Actually know, I haven't
14:33
Speaker 3: really done much work around this, and we're really intrigued
14:35
Speaker 3: taut to you a little bit about that too.
14:37
Speaker 4: This is something I say my son is he's very
14:39
Speaker 4: emotionally intelligent. Yes, and I think he's very aware of
14:42
Speaker 4: his emotions. He can articulate his emotions really well. His
14:44
Speaker 4: teacher says it as well. But yeah, when I read that,
14:46
Speaker 4: that's something you specialize, and I'm like, oh my gosh,
14:48
Speaker 4: I need to know more.
14:49
Speaker 1: I think that it's very much girls are both emotionally
14:52
Speaker 1: intelligent people. Like that's self awareness, it's writing, corresponsibility, it's
14:56
Speaker 1: personal growth. It's a growth mindset. So in all of
14:59
Speaker 1: the schools at the moment, they're really teaching kids to
15:01
Speaker 1: have a growth mindset and utilize this language a lot.
15:03
Speaker 1: And I think it kind of maps to what emotional
15:05
Speaker 1: intelligence actually is. It's essentially a label on self development
15:09
Speaker 1: and self awareness and growth. Right. It's being able to
15:13
Speaker 1: manage your own emotional state at any given moment, not
15:17
Speaker 1: bever reactive, not have major leaky behaviors in response like
15:20
Speaker 1: what we just said, and being aware of other people's
15:25
Speaker 1: behaviors and emotions and thought processes and perspectives and their
15:28
Speaker 1: projections right right, And it's like, oh, you can be
15:32
Speaker 1: projecting that, but I'm not going to hold that in
15:33
Speaker 1: my body.
15:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, because really that's like cool thinking about as well,
15:36
Speaker 3: like how do you go about, you know, being surrounded
15:38
Speaker 3: by other people who might not be so emotional intelligent
15:41
Speaker 3: and do you have any tips for handling.
15:43
Speaker 4: People like it in your Yeah, people.
15:46
Speaker 1: Are doing the best with the tools they have at
15:47
Speaker 1: that time. That's the first lesson compassion. Secondly, all behavior
15:52
Speaker 1: is changeable. If they're open to it, you can share
15:55
Speaker 1: how you can support them or that there's options to
15:57
Speaker 1: change how they feel. And Thirdly, it's just about not
16:02
Speaker 1: taking it on as your own, taking your personally. It's
16:05
Speaker 1: not you the fact that they are reactive or explosive.
16:09
Speaker 1: Let's say a woman or a man is reactive or
16:11
Speaker 1: explosive in their behavior towards you around something that they
16:13
Speaker 1: didn't like the reason that they're behaving that way is
16:16
Speaker 1: because they don't actually have self worth deep down. So
16:19
Speaker 1: get really clear about why that's hurting you. It's hurting
16:22
Speaker 1: you because that feels like an attack on your ego.
16:24
Speaker 1: So our ego being our concept of self. We don't
16:27
Speaker 1: like when someone's arguing back or being mean. We're just like,
16:29
Speaker 1: oh my God, like me, love.
16:30
Speaker 4: We need to defend, validate me like I thought everyone's
16:33
Speaker 4: supposed to like me.
16:34
Speaker 1: And that's how inner child wanting to be liked and loved.
16:36
Speaker 1: But when you have neutrality and you have emotional intelligence,
16:40
Speaker 1: you can manage that by just integrating the belief around
16:42
Speaker 1: this is a you thing. But if it's a friend
16:44
Speaker 1: or someone you love, be like, I've got you. When
16:47
Speaker 1: you're ready to unpack this more if you want to.
16:49
Speaker 1: If not, I don't tolerate that behavior and just move along.
16:52
Speaker 1: And also everyone's on their own timeline. Just because I'm
16:55
Speaker 1: doing the work doesn't mean my family's all doing the
16:58
Speaker 1: work or my kids are on this path. Like I've
17:00
Speaker 1: got a very emotionally intelligent family, which is amazing, but
17:03
Speaker 1: they're not where I am into being able to regulate themselves.
17:06
Speaker 1: And I think that's very common and normal for any
17:09
Speaker 1: woman that's on her self development and mindset sort of
17:11
Speaker 1: journey of changing the way that she behaves and things.
17:13
Speaker 4: So much of this is like nervous system regulation. How
17:16
Speaker 4: we always talk about this, like everything that you're growing
17:18
Speaker 4: through and trying to navigate through, the more you can
17:21
Speaker 4: regulate your nervous system, the more you'll be able to
17:23
Speaker 4: see things clearly and not be reactive and just stay
17:26
Speaker 4: centered throughout it all. But that's a lot of work,
17:28
Speaker 4: Like we're still actively working on that all the time.
17:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, just keep evolving. Like that's my main
17:35
Speaker 1: message to women. It's like, don't stop. It's a new
17:37
Speaker 1: level on new devil no matter when you get to
17:41
Speaker 1: that height of like you're like, I'm at my peak,
17:43
Speaker 1: everything's great, She's gonna come right. I get ready for it,
17:46
Speaker 1: prepare for it, and just keep moving. And that's why
17:49
Speaker 1: I've worked with some of my clients for like over
17:51
Speaker 1: two years, and they continue to reinvest with me. And
17:53
Speaker 1: I know why they do because they know the value
17:55
Speaker 1: in a coach. Yes, I continue to reinvest in my coach.
17:58
Speaker 4: The baseline was here and now it's here in they're
18:01
Speaker 4: climbing up.
18:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like, I'll continue reinvesting in myself because I
18:04
Speaker 1: know I'm wor and I deserve to know everything I
18:06
Speaker 1: possibly can about myself. I want to unpack my shadows.
18:09
Speaker 1: I want to get to the like the peak and go, Okay,
18:11
Speaker 1: what else is there? What else is available? Let's keep going.
18:14
Speaker 4: Yeah, I haven't done much study around it. I know
18:16
Speaker 4: you've done a little bit on NLP therapy. I would
18:19
Speaker 4: love to hear more people that are listening and I
18:20
Speaker 4: have to go, what the hell is that? Yeah? Could
18:23
Speaker 4: you break it down for us? Yes?
18:24
Speaker 1: So NERO for M is mind and then linguistic is
18:28
Speaker 1: our language, and communication and programming is our patterns, so
18:31
Speaker 1: behaviors and things like that. It's why we do the
18:34
Speaker 1: things that we do. It's tapping into your unconscious desires.
18:36
Speaker 1: Like I've had a beautiful client of mine who was
18:39
Speaker 1: climbing the corporate ladder and then discovered that she wanted
18:42
Speaker 1: to own a business. And now she's owning a business
18:43
Speaker 1: and it's successful and it's super exciting. I have another
18:46
Speaker 1: beautiful client who owned a business and thought that's what
18:49
Speaker 1: she wanted. She's like, I don't actually want it because
18:50
Speaker 1: she was able to tap into her unconscious desires because
18:53
Speaker 1: she was given a safe space to do so through
18:56
Speaker 1: releasing limiting beliefs like fear, judgment, shame.
18:59
Speaker 4: But I still be good enough if I don't have
19:00
Speaker 4: a business, correct, Like what does success mean to me?
19:03
Speaker 1: And she thought it was being an entrepreneur owning a
19:06
Speaker 1: business and it's not success. Was feeling regulated, was supporting
19:10
Speaker 1: a fil system. I think that NLP is so powerful
19:16
Speaker 1: because of the way that we explore the mind, the
19:19
Speaker 1: unconscious mind, and we utilize the language stuff in this
19:23
Speaker 1: as well, so your unconscious mind will not process negatives.
19:27
Speaker 1: So what that means is if you say I don't
19:29
Speaker 1: feel good enough today or I feel really shitty, and
19:31
Speaker 1: you're staring at the minute like fuck, my has not
19:33
Speaker 1: doing its thing. It will literally take that as a
19:36
Speaker 1: positive and it's like it's dancing on the right. It's like, oh, yes,
19:38
Speaker 1: limiting belief, confirm found the evidence, let's confirm I'm not
19:40
Speaker 1: good enough. And it's like building this brick wall of
19:43
Speaker 1: not good enough and it's like celebrating it. Right, So
19:46
Speaker 1: when you say crappy stuff to yourself, your unconscious is like, yes,
19:49
Speaker 1: that's a wind, but it's not because it's confirming a
19:51
Speaker 1: limiting belief that's stopping you getting you where you want
19:53
Speaker 1: to go. And that's some of the work that we'll
19:55
Speaker 1: explore as well in NLP.
19:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, how does that look like?
19:59
Speaker 4: If I was coming to a session and say, I'm
20:01
Speaker 4: having all these negative thoughts, I hate myself, i hate
20:04
Speaker 4: what I'm doing, I'm not happy.
20:06
Speaker 1: We'd start exploring like all areas of your life, and
20:08
Speaker 1: probably the starting point of zero is seven. What that
20:10
Speaker 1: looked like specifically, right and right back? Take it right back,
20:13
Speaker 1: start from the start, and then we'll go seven to
20:15
Speaker 1: fourteen and then fourteen to twenty one, and then we'll
20:17
Speaker 1: talk about the now how are these things specifically impacting
20:20
Speaker 1: them now? And in that session you would probably experience
20:22
Speaker 1: like a lot of learning. It's a lot of this
20:24
Speaker 1: is why you do this, or I might take a
20:26
Speaker 1: stab at it intuitively, I'll be like cool. So you
20:28
Speaker 1: might say this to your partner when you're angry and
20:30
Speaker 1: they'll be like yep, or they'll be like, I go silent.
20:33
Speaker 1: The things that you did or that you do make
20:35
Speaker 1: complete sense because of the experiences that you've had. But
20:38
Speaker 1: it's light bulb moments for you in that first session
20:40
Speaker 1: of me confirming things right.
20:42
Speaker 4: Once you know, when you understand, then you can have
20:44
Speaker 4: the awareness around it, and then you'll give me tools
20:45
Speaker 4: and tips to be able to change and do practice
20:48
Speaker 4: doing things differently, and that too takes time.
20:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, and look, the starting point can be you know,
20:53
Speaker 1: for women that are stuck in the masculine right, which.
20:56
Speaker 4: For a lot of business owners so common these days.
20:58
Speaker 1: It can support us and it can hinder us in
21:01
Speaker 1: terms of out growth. So little things like I might
21:03
Speaker 1: task a client, ah, you might be like how often
21:05
Speaker 1: you wear black? And she's like every day? Great, So
21:08
Speaker 1: I want you to go and get a floral dress.
21:10
Speaker 1: It can be sure, it can be long. You can
21:12
Speaker 1: do what you want with a dress. I don't care
21:13
Speaker 1: it just needs to be colorful and she's like, I
21:15
Speaker 1: don't do that. I'm like, yes, you do now with
21:19
Speaker 1: your husband and be more regularly in that, Like you
21:21
Speaker 1: need to drop in, babe. Like the reason you're disconnected
21:23
Speaker 1: in your relationships, in your work, relationships, in the success
21:27
Speaker 1: of your business is because you're not utilizing you feminine
21:29
Speaker 1: and that's the part of you that's supposed to feel integrated, right,
21:32
Speaker 1: So when you start operating from that, that can be
21:34
Speaker 1: really helpful as.
21:35
Speaker 4: Well so powerful. Something we've also been discussing so much
21:38
Speaker 4: of lately.
21:39
Speaker 3: Sounds like you do so much work, which is awesome,
21:41
Speaker 3: and you're also like cool people out on their bullshit,
21:43
Speaker 3: but then know all of the bits and bobs surrounding
21:45
Speaker 3: feminine energy, which I feel like a lot more women
21:47
Speaker 3: this day and age and needing that, then needing someone
21:50
Speaker 3: to be like, is this actually what you're wanting? And like,
21:52
Speaker 3: what's your ideal you know life look like like? Because
21:55
Speaker 3: it can take huge change.
21:56
Speaker 4: Life coach, just really ask questions you've never really asked yourself,
22:00
Speaker 4: if no one else has really asked you, and you're like,
22:02
Speaker 4: holy shit, okay, is that what I actually want? I
22:04
Speaker 4: don't feel like that why am I doing that?
22:06
Speaker 1: Though?
22:06
Speaker 4: If you don't know, you don't know.
22:08
Speaker 1: And I just encourage everyone to do it before kids.
22:11
Speaker 1: But if you've got it to do it.
22:15
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so much harder with kids. But once again,
22:17
Speaker 4: that's why having a lar coat, you're having support is
22:19
Speaker 4: so important because trying to navigate that and regulate yourself,
22:22
Speaker 4: why you're trying to look after and regulate their emotions,
22:25
Speaker 4: it's just a lot even trying to.
22:26
Speaker 3: Learn, like learn about yourself or like if you want
22:29
Speaker 3: to read something, it's so much harder and more time
22:31
Speaker 3: versus going for like a one hour of woymen you
22:33
Speaker 3: like learn so much, Like, oh my gosh, it's so true.
22:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Look, I'm going through different experiences with
22:39
Speaker 1: the four kids, three girls, one boy. My son is five,
22:42
Speaker 1: and like you'll probably understand as well that their emotions
22:46
Speaker 1: can be so freaking consuming. And teaching my son to
22:49
Speaker 1: release healthy younger has been like pivotal for us, like
22:52
Speaker 1: taking him to like so he's allowed to go in
22:54
Speaker 1: his room and be as angry as he needs to be.
22:56
Speaker 1: You are not allowed to throw toys at the wall.
22:57
Speaker 1: You are not allowed to damage anything. You're not allowed
23:00
Speaker 1: to hurt yourself, but you are allowed to scream in
23:02
Speaker 1: your pillow and you are allowed to punch the crap
23:03
Speaker 1: out of your bed if you need to. And when
23:05
Speaker 1: you're done there, come see mom. Let's talk it out.
23:07
Speaker 1: And then Helois say, Mommy, I already talk. It's super
23:10
Speaker 1: c yeah. So, And I just think like for women
23:13
Speaker 1: who might have their man who was never taught to
23:16
Speaker 1: regulate his feelings, he may feel explosive and reactive. Like
23:21
Speaker 1: I think the women that I work with, they have
23:23
Speaker 1: these experiences where they're like, you know, he's this, he's that.
23:25
Speaker 1: It's like, let's not blame the fact that he didn't
23:28
Speaker 1: have a mom that taught him to regulate his feelings.
23:31
Speaker 1: This can happen. It's going to take some time and
23:34
Speaker 1: let him feel anger, like, teach him that it's safe
23:37
Speaker 1: to be feeling. That it's not okay to hurt you.
23:39
Speaker 1: I do not containe that in any possible way, but
23:41
Speaker 1: it is okay for him to feel and he needs
23:43
Speaker 1: space to do that. So you know, that's for you
23:45
Speaker 1: to communicate back, Hey, this feeling kind of reactive. I'm
23:48
Speaker 1: going to give you some space. Let me know when
23:50
Speaker 1: you're ready to talk.
23:50
Speaker 4: I feel like with men these they don't if you agree,
23:52
Speaker 4: But it's either one or the other. That are either
23:54
Speaker 4: very violent and loud and aggressive or they are a
23:56
Speaker 4: complete avoidant and they'll shut down. Give a lot of
23:59
Speaker 4: women coming to you.
24:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, and intuitively, I believe that that is the reactive
24:03
Speaker 1: and explosive seen the behavior that they've witnessed it learned behavior.
24:08
Speaker 1: And if it's the other way, they probably had a
24:10
Speaker 1: non present mum. All right, So it's that they'll go
24:12
Speaker 1: inwood because they didn't have that nurturing. That's safeness to
24:15
Speaker 1: be vulnerable. So they're really sensitive and vulnerable right in
24:19
Speaker 1: themselves because they actually.
24:20
Speaker 4: Don't know how to communicate what they do and they've
24:21
Speaker 4: probably had to just deal with it by themselves. Yeah, yeah,
24:25
Speaker 4: to grow up really fast. You can all relate to
24:27
Speaker 4: a man that's gone through that. It's sad, Yeah it
24:30
Speaker 4: is. You see that like little boy in them that just
24:31
Speaker 4: wants to be heard. I justn't know how to them
24:33
Speaker 4: voice it. Yeah. Yeah. We talk about self development all
24:37
Speaker 4: the time with both head coaches for years. We love
24:39
Speaker 4: learning all the time and love having guests like you
24:41
Speaker 4: on that can share their knowledge and wisdom. There's still
24:43
Speaker 4: not a stigma around it. But there's still so many
24:45
Speaker 4: people that are so scared to put their hand up
24:47
Speaker 4: and say I'm not coping. I'dn't understand I need help
24:50
Speaker 4: on this and that. Like, what advice do you have
24:52
Speaker 4: for anyone listening who's like, Okay, Chris sounds great, I'd
24:54
Speaker 4: love to work with her, but fucking petrified. Yeah to
24:57
Speaker 4: book a session? What would you say to invite something?
24:59
Speaker 1: Yeah? The hard asking me wants to go just quickle
25:01
Speaker 1: yeah yourself and book on the other and like, I'm
25:05
Speaker 1: relatable and I'm nice and anyway, but the other side
25:08
Speaker 1: of me is like I see you, I see you
25:10
Speaker 1: in it. It's hard and it feels scary. But go
25:14
Speaker 1: and grab a photo of when you were seven. This
25:16
Speaker 1: age always comes up for me in the work that
25:17
Speaker 1: I do. Grab that photo, go and look at that
25:19
Speaker 1: little you and actually speak to her for a second
25:22
Speaker 1: and ask her what does she need? Do you want
25:25
Speaker 1: to feel better? Do you want to have healthy relationships
25:28
Speaker 1: with yourself internally and others externally? Do you want a
25:32
Speaker 1: thriving relationship with your partner or do you want to
25:35
Speaker 1: stay stagnant? Do you want to grow? Do you want
25:37
Speaker 1: a successful business? Do you want to tap into desire.
25:40
Speaker 1: Do you want your kids feeling like this? If you've
25:42
Speaker 1: got kids, just look at them and say better for them. Yeah,
25:46
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. The high level women that I work
25:48
Speaker 1: with continue to meet their edge and stretch. Right, it's
25:51
Speaker 1: supposed to feel like a stretch. It's supposed to feel
25:54
Speaker 1: that little bit scary. Like if you think about feeling
25:57
Speaker 1: safe right and your comfort zone gets fireplace and you've
25:59
Speaker 1: got your warm blankey on and like you're like, oh,
26:01
Speaker 1: this is cozy, but I hate it here. I'm so bored.
26:03
Speaker 1: I haven't left the house in so long. Like open
26:05
Speaker 1: the front door and what's available to you. It's possible
26:08
Speaker 1: if you just get intentional and vulnerable with yourself and
26:12
Speaker 1: clear with what you want.
26:13
Speaker 4: And I love all those questions you asked at the start.
26:14
Speaker 4: It's like, if you're listening to this right now and
26:16
Speaker 4: you've been wanting to get a coach and you've felt scared,
26:18
Speaker 4: and all those questions that christ just asked, are you
26:20
Speaker 4: wanting this? Are you want that? If you said yes
26:22
Speaker 4: to all of those, there's your answer like yes, you
26:25
Speaker 4: know what I mean, no question about it, absolutely, And
26:28
Speaker 4: that's the work is being brave, being vulnerable, prioritizing yourself,
26:31
Speaker 4: prioritizing even your money, Like it's putting yourself as a
26:34
Speaker 4: priority in saying I'm ready for this.
26:36
Speaker 3: It's like hard to go to your first session, But
26:37
Speaker 3: how hard is it if you never decide to God?
26:42
Speaker 4: Yes?
26:43
Speaker 1: And I think like it'll feel like a stretch as
26:46
Speaker 1: an investment, because what happens is if it was free,
26:49
Speaker 1: you wouldn't give a shit.
26:50
Speaker 4: If you don't know.
26:51
Speaker 1: You don't care, Like if it's nine dollars a week,
26:54
Speaker 1: you're not going to care. I need you to care
26:56
Speaker 1: enough about you to want to change, and if you don't,
27:00
Speaker 1: then I'm not the coach for you.
27:02
Speaker 4: And if you want radical change, you to take radical responsible.
27:05
Speaker 4: If you want change in general, you have to do
27:07
Speaker 4: things differently.
27:07
Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, so frequently. Could not agree more.
27:10
Speaker 4: Oh, I absolutely love that.
27:12
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Chris.
27:13
Speaker 4: Going on today?
27:14
Speaker 3: Where can everyone find you?
27:16
Speaker 1: Inside Out with Chris Kris at Little Symbol But that's
27:19
Speaker 1: pretty much everywhere I am. So that's on Instagram, that's
27:21
Speaker 1: on Instagram, on YouTube, Facebook, My website is inside Out
27:26
Speaker 1: with Chris dot com.
27:26
Speaker 4: Do you and they can book one on one session?
27:28
Speaker 1: Yes?
27:29
Speaker 4: Do group calls?
27:30
Speaker 1: No? No?
27:30
Speaker 4: No, group.
27:31
Speaker 1: I like the personal life and really like be spoke
27:33
Speaker 1: kind of coaching where we don't go all in. So
27:36
Speaker 1: you're in Newcastle so they can be face to face. Yeah,
27:38
Speaker 1: in NEWI we can definitely do it face to face. Look,
27:40
Speaker 1: the zoom is so much easier. But yeah, just jump
27:43
Speaker 1: on and book that discovery call. It's on my website.
27:45
Speaker 1: Get in and get it done. We can have a
27:46
Speaker 1: chat about what you want, where you want to be,
27:49
Speaker 1: and really set some intentions for the end of the year.
27:52
Speaker 1: I suppose, because oh my gosh, when early at the
27:54
Speaker 1: end of the year, crazy happy, where you're at, go
27:57
Speaker 1: get it.
27:58
Speaker 4: I think other people think you have to wait till
27:59
Speaker 4: the new year to like start fresh. Lit. You still
28:01
Speaker 4: have the whole second half of the year if you
28:02
Speaker 4: want that to look different to the first time. Is
28:05
Speaker 4: your opportunity.
28:05
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I'm not a Monday mindset. Girl. Well let's do
28:08
Speaker 1: it now, like next intention, next step.
28:11
Speaker 4: Beautiful. We thank you so much for being here. Hopefully
28:13
Speaker 4: we have you on again Monday soon. Yeah.
28:14
Speaker 1: I would love that.
28:15
Speaker 4: Thanks girl, Thank you