Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Are Women Sneaky or Is It the Mother Wound? Trust, friendships & abandonment 🫣😓🤧✨🫶🏽

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Are Women Sneaky or Is It the Mother Wound? Trust, friendships & abandonment 🫣😓🤧✨🫶🏽 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoga Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
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  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self Welcome back
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises. Today, we are diving
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: deep into the motherhood wound.
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  Speaker 1: Now, if you're listening and you're like, what the fuck
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: is that, don't worry. I'm also very curious on it,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: and we were going to have a conversation about this
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: because I do know little bits and pieces. But then
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: just before we hit record, I was like, Oh, do
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: you mind if we completely switch this up and I
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: actually ask you a bunch of questions because I feel
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  Speaker 1: like I don't have a deep enough understanding to teach it.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask Tiana a bunch of questions
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: just to help anyone listening and myself have a full
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: understanding about what this is and how it can impact
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  Speaker 1: our life, our relationship with our mom, with our daughters,
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  Speaker 1: with our sisters, with our friends. So let's get straight
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: into it in your own definition, what is the mother wound?
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  Speaker 2: Before I get into the definition of what the mother
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  Speaker 2: wound is, I just wanted to say, anyone out there
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  Speaker 2: who is listening, think about a time where you didn't
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  Speaker 2: trust a woman. We can all put our hand up
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  Speaker 2: putting my hand up right, this is the mother wond
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: So we often, and as women especially, there's this thing
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: in society where we don't trust other women. Think about
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: all the times that you got along with other men
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  Speaker 2: better because you're like, oh, I just want to hang
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: out with the boys.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: It's so much easier.
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  Speaker 2: There's less drama, it feels nicer. They don't have any
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  Speaker 2: ulterior motives or they don't have anything. You know, I'm
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: not in competition with these women. This relationship that we
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: have with the feminine starts with the mother, and so
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  Speaker 2: essentially what the mother wound is, it's having a relationship
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: with your mother that it was either unsafe, untrusting where
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: you were disappointed, but potentially there was abandonment where there
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: was rejection happening. And so what it does it creates
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  Speaker 2: an unsafe relationship with the feminine in general, where you
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: feel that you are unsafe in their presence. Thanks so much,
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  Speaker 2: sim right, So you know, let's say, for example, you
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: had a relationship with your mum and growing up, she
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  Speaker 2: wasn't around a lot, and she was working all the time,
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  Speaker 2: and for you, her absence was really triggering, right, her
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: absence was really loud in your story. That's going to
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: create a mother wound that the mother wasn't there for.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: You, right.
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  Speaker 2: Or maybe when you were growing up you got dismissed
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: a lot and you were told to shut up, or
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: you were told that you know, to be quiet and
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: sit down and be a good girl, and all of
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: these things that can create on you a relationship with
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: yourself that you can't speak up, that you're not worthy
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: of being heard, and that you in everyday life will
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: be dismissed by not only just her, but every other
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  Speaker 2: woman in your life, because that relationship is the one
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: relationship that models every other relationship in your life. So, however,
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  Speaker 2: your foundation is with your mother, that's the relationship they
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: are going to cultivate with every other woman in your life.
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  Speaker 1: Oh that makes so much sense, And I suppose it's cool.
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  Speaker 1: Everyone listening. You'll be able to trace back and really
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: unpack your relationship with your mum. Maybe I'll share my
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: journey with my mum and you can help unpack that.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: And my mum listens and she's very open, and we
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  Speaker 1: have come a long way with our journey together. And yes,
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  Speaker 1: there's been some pretty rocky times with my stepfather, and
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  Speaker 1: I've spoken about that, but I did write down some
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  Speaker 1: notes around this, so I'm just going to kill yeah. Absolutely,
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  Speaker 1: So growing up with my mom, I think deep down
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  Speaker 1: she tried really really hard to be there for us
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  Speaker 1: and to make a living and keep a roof over
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  Speaker 1: her head whilst being in an abusive relationship with my stepdad.
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  Speaker 1: She was in survival mode. She was not around a
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  Speaker 1: lot because she was working such long hours. Like I
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  Speaker 1: literally remember my mom would leave at five or six
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  Speaker 1: in the morning and not get home till six at night.
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  Speaker 1: From the travel distance and just working really long hours
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  Speaker 1: emotionally and physically, it would have been so hard for
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  Speaker 1: her to be there for us. She also had a
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  Speaker 1: very DISREGI related nervous systems, so I didn't feel safe
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  Speaker 1: to go to her, and I think as a kid,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't want to add any extra stress as I could,
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  Speaker 1: since she wasn't coping with our stepdad and the load
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  Speaker 1: that she had to carry of keeping a roof over
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  Speaker 1: our heads financially. This I think has affected my relationship
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  Speaker 1: with women and never really feeling safe. But it's so
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  Speaker 1: beautiful to see how this wound can heal with time, consistency, forgiveness,
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  Speaker 1: and open conversations about both of our experiences. I do
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  Speaker 1: feel like so healed with my mum. We've had to
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  Speaker 1: have a lot of hard conversations to talk about both
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  Speaker 1: of our experiences in my childhood years, my teenage years,
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  Speaker 1: I had no idea the abuse that she was copying
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  Speaker 1: for my stepdad. I thought I was the only one
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  Speaker 1: getting abused. I didn't see it for my brothers. I
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  Speaker 1: didn't see it with her like I knew he yelled
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  Speaker 1: and was not nice to any of us. But the
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  Speaker 1: stories my mum's told me now and how fucking frightened
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  Speaker 1: she was, I had no idea. So it just it's
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  Speaker 1: been so nice for us to heal that wound, I suppose,
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  Speaker 1: But now the way you've explained it, I can see
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  Speaker 1: how that has affected acted my trust and sense of
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  Speaker 1: safety around feminine energies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.
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  Speaker 2: Even just like hearing that, Like, what my mind goes
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  Speaker 2: to is your mum having a dysregulated nervous system. What
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: that could potentially lead to is her not having a
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: capacity for your emotionals and is also not having the
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: capacity for your big emotions or even just patients. Yeah right,
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  Speaker 2: because if her nervous system is so triggered, that's a
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  Speaker 2: ripple effect.
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  Speaker 1: Of her behavior.
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  Speaker 2: How she's going to be able to show up for
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  Speaker 2: you emotionally, her being there for you physically, like her
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: being able to hold you in whatever it is you're
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  Speaker 2: going through. So what I've noticed happens in the women
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  Speaker 2: that I've coached is a projection of like, women can't
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  Speaker 2: hold me in my emotions. Yes, right, women aren't safe
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  Speaker 2: for me emotionally. I can't come to them because they're
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  Speaker 2: dealing with their own things that they don't have space
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  Speaker 2: for me. So it comes out in the way that
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  Speaker 2: we behave and interact with other women. But we will
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: see it most in those relationships.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I'm guessing that's exactly the same with the father wound. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: because I've always thought like men are not trustworthy, many
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: unsafe men are abusive men yell, and then when I
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: met Steve, and he did none of that. I always
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: like questioned everything. I was like waiting for him to yell,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: waiting for him to not hit me or anything, but
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  Speaker 1: like waiting for what I'd grown up with and what
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I had seen as a normal way to be treated. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: you know, and I had such beautiful evidence that that's
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: healed that for me as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well absolutely what you just said is so true.
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  Speaker 2: Like if you were to see that growing up, you'd
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: be in a relationship, and then you would then project
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  Speaker 2: that behavior onto the partner of like, oh, wow, you're
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: going to show up in this way, You're going to
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  Speaker 2: do this, You're going to be this your intention and
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  Speaker 2: not do that.
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  Speaker 1: That's what men do.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, your intention is this, because this is what the
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  Speaker 2: relationship I had with the father.
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  Speaker 1: Let's talk more about the mother wounds. So if someone's
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: still listening being like, oh, I'm just not sure if
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  Speaker 1: I've got a mother wound, is there other signs that
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: you could talk about that would help them go, oh yeah,
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  Speaker 1: that feels real for me.
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  Speaker 2: I think the easiest way to kind of figure out
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  Speaker 2: if you do experiences, if you do how this and
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  Speaker 2: most of us do in our own way is to
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: look at the relationships you have in your life, because
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  Speaker 2: the way that you project onto the people of the
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  Speaker 2: same sex is often the wound that you're dealing with
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  Speaker 2: with the parental figure. Yes, right, so if you could
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  Speaker 2: look at your relationships in your life and go, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: what's the common theme of me thinking and feeling that
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  Speaker 2: women as a whole are unsafe, Women as a whole
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  Speaker 2: are untrusting, Women as a whole want to compete with me,
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  Speaker 2: Women as a whole are dismissive, have ulterior motives, a sneaky,
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  Speaker 2: all of the things. Yes, so you want to look
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  Speaker 2: for the way that you kind of lump women in
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  Speaker 2: general as a generalization and go, okay, what's the story
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  Speaker 2: I'm telling myself because that story stems from the experience
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  Speaker 2: that you've had back in the day with the parental figure,
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  Speaker 2: And that's a way that you can kind of go
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  Speaker 2: looking for it.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, And then my next thing from my experience,
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  Speaker 1: I think I healed my motherhood wound by healing that
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  Speaker 1: with my mum. What if that is an option. What
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  Speaker 1: if they don't have contact with their mum, What if
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  Speaker 1: their mom's past, what if their mum gaslights them and
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  Speaker 1: tells them that nowether that happened and it's.
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  Speaker 2: Not true, women a slight, that's a good one.
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  Speaker 1: But if they can't go to their mom for this healing,
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  Speaker 1: how do you heal that within yourself? Because my mom
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: helped me heal that. Yes, I'd love to hear your
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: opinion on how to do it by yourself.
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  Speaker 2: That's a really beautiful thing that you guys got to
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: be able to heal that together because a lot of
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  Speaker 2: people don't have that option. Right, It's so true, and
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  Speaker 2: I think what's really powerful at least what has been
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  Speaker 2: powerful for me in my own experience with my relationship
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  Speaker 2: with my mom has been if there's ever anything that
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  Speaker 2: I feel I need to work through that she's unable
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  Speaker 2: to potentially meet me in that just for her own
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  Speaker 2: capacity reasons and you know what I expect from her
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  Speaker 2: and all the things. What has that relationship and what
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  Speaker 2: that journey has been like has been acceptance of who
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: she is.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: So, a lot of the times we get very disappointed
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  Speaker 2: because we wish that a parent could be something that
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: we didn't receive or that we think that we didn't
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  Speaker 2: receive based on their own experience, Right, we know that
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: they meant well, and they did the best that they could.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: But in those moments we get disappointed because our expectation
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: is up here, but where they're capacit city is down here.
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  Speaker 2: So what's a really important part of the journey is
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: acceptance of who they currently are. That's one point, right,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: because who were we to say that how somebody is
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: living their life isn't good enough? Yeah?
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: So true? Right?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Who were we to say that the way that they're
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: showing up for us isn't good enough when they're doing
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: the best that they can. So I think acceptance is one.
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  Speaker 2: It's a really more challenging step, right, because we don't
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: want to let go of that. We feel disappointed, right,
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  Speaker 2: we feel we're hurting from that. But when you can
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: accept who they are, you can start to appreciate them
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: for who they are. Right, But you have to be
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: able to accept first before you can step into appreciation
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  Speaker 2: and receive them for what they can give you and
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: then start going, Okay, what is the thing that I
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: think I need from them? And how can I give
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: that to myself?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Right's off any more emotional support.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Just as an example with my own experience, so a
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: fair few years ago, my mom's mom passed away and
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: it was a really really hard time for my mom
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: and she went through the whole grieving process and it
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: was really really challenging and hard for her. Within that timeframe,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: my own se needs like what I needed from her,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: I felt like I wasn't able to get emotionally because
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: I felt like she was quite shut off emotionally because
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: she was dealing with her grief. Yeah, she needed to
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: take care of herself in that time. And so within
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: that timeframe, I remember thinking and feeling that disappointment and
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: expectation of like, you should still show up for me
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: kind of thing. Is selfishly wanting that from her, not
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: you know, being able to honor her grief in that moment.
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  Speaker 2: And what that became about for me was, I know
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: that I feel like I need it from her right now,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: but I can give that to myself. So in terms
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: of what I wanted from her was nurturing emotional support,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: emotional safety for her to be the nurturing mother in
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: that moment, like with love and cuddles and this and that.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: So what it became about for me in that moment
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  Speaker 2: was giving myself words of affirmation, the words that I
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: wanted to hear from my mom. I'm so proud of you.
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  Speaker 2: You're such a good woman. You're da da da da,
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  Speaker 2: Like you're so loved, you're so safe. I started to
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: relay those things to myself nice and it became about
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: did you believe them though in the beginning no, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: but it became about the practice.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: It's not about like the doing in the beginning. It's
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: about the practice. Yeah. It's about going, hey, like reminding
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: myself like even though I don't feel it right now,
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  Speaker 2: it's about like reparenting yourself in that moment and going
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: you are safe.
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  Speaker 1: Reparenting for yeah at work? Yeah, right, you are safe.
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  Speaker 2: You are okay, Like you can give yourself those things
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: that you're wanting and craving from somebody else when you
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  Speaker 2: just give them to yourself. I know it's easier said
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: than done, but the practice is what's important.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, that's beautiful. What about someone that has a mother
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: wound around abandonment because their mother did abandon them, maybe
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  Speaker 1: they still don't have a relationship. How would you advise
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: to self soothe and that or heal that wound.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Ah, there's two parts to this that I really want
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: to speak to with the abandonment with a parent.
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  Speaker 1: It's really the core of it.
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  Speaker 2: To simplify it is learning to process the emotion first,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: because a lot of the times when we feel abandonment,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: we don't even know that we feel it right. We
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: just were going day to day life, and then we
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: just have this underlying feeling that everyone will eventually leave.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: And so the way that you work through that is
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: to actually give yourself the time and space to be
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: able to.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Feel through those emotions.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: You know, put our time on your phone or twenty
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: minutes or thirty minutes, listen to some music, shake the
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: emotion out of your body, allow the emotion to come up.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Think about the time that you felt abandoned, what it
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: meant to you, what you made it mean, what you
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: made it mean about you, and about how whether you're
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: unwhether you are of love. Processing those emotions, but then
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: also that acceptance side of it too right, accepted that
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you had to do that, or just acceptance that the
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: experience of what you're going through is the way that
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: it is right. Because the only time that we don't
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: ever fully accept something is because we feel that it's
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: unfair or we feel that it shouldn't have happened. Yeah,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: we find ourselves being a victim of it. And so
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: the only way that we can move through it is
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: to one feel the emotion, because when you feel the emotion,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: you will step into the acceptance part of it. Right,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: and then the next phase to that is to no
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: longer abandon yourself.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Oh so it's like a three part to the abandonment.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. And by not abandoning yourself,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: can you go dive deeper into that? How do you
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: not abandon yourself?
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Well, because what happens is when we get abandoned by
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: a parent, we see this behavior and a pattern from
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: them for so long. But then when we become an adult,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: we pick up and we pass on the baton from
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: our parents to ourselves and we continue that behavior on.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: So we perpetuate the feeling of abandonment of the people
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: that we love through self abandonment. So actually, the core
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: and the key to be able to heal abandonment from
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: a mother, a father, a lost relationship, a friend is
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: to no longer abandon yourself in the way that you
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: need and what you need love that it's so powerful.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: If you cannot abandon yourself, it's.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: The key and self abandonment can look like not speaking
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: up to the things that you actually believe in. Right
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: if you're people pleasing, Right, if you're in a relationship
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: and you say that you want to have sex, but really.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: You feel really unsafe.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: If you're in a friendship and you know that friendship
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: is that person is being really disrespectful to you, and
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: you're not standing up for yourself, just allowing it.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: You're just allowing it to happen. Right, self abandonment.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: We're teaching ourselves that we ourselves are not safe, and
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: then we then project that onto the people we initially
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: felt abandoned by, and we go, why these people continuing
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: to abandon us? But really what the core is is
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: self abandonment. Yeah, because we pick up the baton from
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: the parents and we continue on that behavior, not even
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: realizing that that's how we're doing that what we're doing
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: and how we're treating ourselves.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Gosh, you're almost what everyone's listening to. Make a promise
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: to yourself that you don't abandon yourself and like literally
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: use that language more. I'm not going to abandon myself
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: just to make you happy. I'm sorry, Oh, I'm not
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: going to abandon my body just to have sex with
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: you because you're horny.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: And you know what, you know, we will stop fearing
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: abandonment of others when we stop abandoning ourselves.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, we don't need them to be there and to.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Not abandon us because we know that we are solid
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: within ourselves. Yes, but if we have a rocky foundation
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: and we aren't there for ourselves, of course we're going
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: to be terrified that they're going to abandon us because
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: we've got nothing else. Yeah, there's no other foundation that
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: we have because we don't have ourselves.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: The one strong foundation you need is with yourself. That's
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: so cool.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: So it's really just no matter what it is the
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: mother warned, sisterhood, we're in the father warned, abandonment wound,
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: whatever it is, the way that you heal that is
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: through the relationship with yourself so important.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: It's it's so important to spend time with yourself too,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: oh so much like allow everything to come up, to
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: see where you're at, to see what stories you've attached
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: to the situations that have happened to you, to see
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: where you're playing victim, to see where you're blaming. Yeap,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: you can really help strengthen that bond with yourself. Well,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: it's getting to know.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: If we had this conversation the other day, we always think, oh,
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I really want to love myself. Okay, cool, Well, in
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: order to love yourself, you need to like yourself. Cool, Okay,
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: what does it take in order to like yourself? You
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: need to know yourself? And what does it take to
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: know yourself?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Self exploration literally, like you use the example of when
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: you are dating, you ask someone their favorite color, what
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: they joy to eat, they're dislike, they're triggers, they're child
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: or trauma. Like you ask this question to get to
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: know them to then decide if you want to be
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: with that person. But you have to know all of
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: those things about yourself one hundred percent, and if you
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: don't like them, you actually have choice to change.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the whole point of life in the journey.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Like we are such detectives.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: We're like, tell me your childhood trauma, tell me what
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: happened when you were six, Like you don't tell me
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: your funniest memory. Yea. We just will go above and
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: beyond to get to know everyone around us except for ourselves,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: except for the person we spend the most time with.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Wow, that's so powerful. So you spoke a little
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: bit about sisterhood wounds. I'm interested to know more about
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: that is a sign of like being triggered in a
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: group setting, a sign that you have a sisterhood or
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: mother wound.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Well, I would say, like, yeah, the mother we'rened, the
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: sisterhood wound. It's the root of like not feeling comfortable
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: around women. Right when you aren't surrounded by women all
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: the time, and one you don't trust women. You have
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: a rocky foundation of the relationship you have with women,
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: You're not gonna feel safe around them, and it's gonna
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: be super triggering, which is why women tend to lean
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: towards male friendships because one, men don't trigger them. Two
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: men give them attention. Three they're the center of attention.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Whereas women, all of your wounds will come up, Like
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: so all of your mother wounds will come up. Say,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: for example, you're in a room full of five beautiful women.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: The first thing that you think of is, I'm in
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: competition with all these women. Okay, that's a wound. Where
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: did that stem from? Where have you ever felt like
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: you've been in competition? You know?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Right? Or all these women are just going to be
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: bitchy because women are bit chey.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Yes, or I'm going to be dismissed in my opinion
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: is not going to be heard in here.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, where did that come from? Yeah?
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Or if I speak up, I'm going to get in
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: trouble for speaking up, and I'm going to get cold
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: treatment or the silent treatment.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: How their mum would have treated when they were younger.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: If Fay spoke up and had a voice, the mom
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: then silence them and withdrew love.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: And so essentially being with the same sex. So being
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: with women as a woman is going to be so
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: triggering for your mother wound because it's going to bring
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: up all the things that you haven't been looking at
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: whilst you've been hanging up with a lot of men
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: or isolating yourself away from people. It's holding up a mirror, going,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: this is a wound for you because you were distrusting
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: of women, You feel unsafe with women, you feel abandoned
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: by women, you feel like they have an ulterior motive. Okay,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: And it gives you an opportunity to look at that.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: And so the way that I would recommend, like actually
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: healing this wound and starting to look at this and
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: work through this wound. At least for me, this is
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: what worked for me was learning to put myself out
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: there with other women, so like creating friendships sisterhood even
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: though I felt unsafe and it was super triggering. Being
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: willing to be vulnerable first, being willing to have hard conversations,
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: being willing to put myself out there, being open about
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: my triggers so that that person could then hold me
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: in it. And then what happens is when you are
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: vulnerable and that person meets you, you just take that
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: friendship to the next level. So you create like a
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: foundation of safety, and then you go, Okay, cool, I'm
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: going to test the waters again, and then you go
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: down again together. And as long as that person meets you,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: what will happen is that mother wound will start to
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: unravel and the stories you tell yourself around that wound
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: will start to dissolve because through creating new healing friendships
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: and relationships, you're creating new evidence that, oh my god,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: women are safe.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: That's so cool.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, women have my back. Oh my god,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: she would never do anything to hurt me. Oh my god,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: she's my ride or die. And you start to create
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: and format this new narrative around women in general, which
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: then helps you heal that initial mother wound.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: It's so beautiful for me personally hearing all of this
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: when I'm in a group of women, I don't feel
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: the competition, the jealousy. Would you say that I've healed
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: my mother wound then, because I don't did feel much
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: of that. I used to when I was younger. I
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: thought everyone was better than me, and no one liked me,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: and I was too loud all those things, which obviously
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: was my childhood. But now I really don't feel that.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: So would you say that I've healed my mother wound?
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I would say that.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: There's never like fully healed and unhealed, okay, black and white?
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I've done to say that.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: God, No, I think it's a forever journey. Yes, you
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: know how beautiful that you and your mum have been
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: able to create such a beautiful relationship together and to
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: be able to heal through what you guys had between you.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: And also maybe the competition thing wasn't a specific wound
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: for you, right, So for me, competition was for me,
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: but that.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Stemmed from my sisters.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and like having my sisters be around having
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: to fight for attention all the time and fight for
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: like my parents' attention, and like I idolized them. So
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: it was like I felt like I was in competition
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: with them because I had to be as good as them,
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: you know. And so that showed up in my friendships
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: and my relationships. So that was also something for me
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: to heal.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to ask you to call me out
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: knowing me so well, what would you say, my mother
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: or sisterhood wound is in my life right now? Because
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: here I am on my high horse thinking motherhood wounds.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Here I feel pretty good, babe.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I preach yourself. Yeah, I'm like logo. I
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: would say, what I see is that there's a part
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: of you that feels undeserving of good friendships. And I've
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: just seen it in just like a couple of conversations
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: that we've had and just holding you through hard moments
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: in your life and in relation to friendships and stuff
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: like that, I see sometimes this language of maybe pedestaling
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: other people other friendships, of seeing them in such a highlight,
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: but then maybe not fully seeing yourself as the equivalent
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: of h So true.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: My friend Alex picked me up on it the other day,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: even with you. I'm really like, yeah, he was crushing it,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, you fucking love her. She's amazing.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: And he's like, you're doing that thing. You're pedestaling her.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: He's like, we don't do that, and I was like why,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: but she is. He's like, yeah, but you're not any
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: less than her. Yes. I was like, but she's so
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: smart and she's this and she's that. He's like, you
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: are too. Yeah, He's like, don't do that, You're equal.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I do do that. That is one hundred percent tury
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: for me. And I have moments of like, yeah, I
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: don't think I deserve it, like why do I get
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: these amazing people in my life?
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: The way that my mind kind of strings yet, and
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: this is a very logical way to look at things.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I'm just pissing it together. Is like what I just
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: shared around like potentially not feeling fully deserving of those
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: and then also, okay, then it's thinking worst case scenario,
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: which is eventually that will be too good for me
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: and then they'll just leave. So it's the abandonment and
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: it's like, okay, feeling undeserving of good things okay, cool,
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: And then we relate back to your childhood of like
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: the experience that you had of like, you know, it
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: wasn't kind, it wasn't sweet, it wasn't people going out
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: of their way for you and doing all these things
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: for you. So when it comes, it's still unfamiliar, right,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: It's still like, holy shit, this is not the familiar
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: territory that I had. So what does feel familiar is
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: the chaos, is the breakdowns, is that people leaving, is
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: things blowing up in smoke.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: So do you think I somewhat attract that then? Because
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I haven't healed it. No, I don't necessarily think you
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: attract it.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: But I definitely think that there's like potential patterns in
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: behavior that we get to look at, of like other people,
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: and then looking at how we respond to other people
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: and going okay, where am I doing the same thing
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: that I've done before, you know, and then go okay, well,
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: what's the new way that I want to do things here?
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: That's a good example because I felt like in some
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: past friendships I haven't felt deserving, so I've overcompensated with
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: generosity or money or shouting the out on social media
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: and doing all these things because I felt like they
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: won't love me unless I do that, And consciously going
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: into our friendship and this business relationship, I did a
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: whole breakdown session with Taylor about that. In my friendships now,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like I have to bring anything to
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: the table. I've had twenty odd years evidence from the
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: friends that I've got that I don't need to do that.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: It just feels different. But I'm also consciously choosing to
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: show up differently. Yeah, that's a pattern of mine to
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: overcomslate and overgive in fear. It's from a place of
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: fear and wanting to be loved. And I'm fully aware
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: of that. If I get anxious, I can feel myself
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: wanting to do that. Yeah, wanting to overgive and do
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: this and do that and buy this and whatever. I
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: know when I'm doing that, so I consciously have to
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, hang on a second, let's take a breath.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Why are you doing that? What's your intention behind tagging
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: or buying or doing Is it just added pure love?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Or is there a fear behind it or anxiousness behind it?
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Like what place does it come from? Yeah? And yeah,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: you're right In every single role in dynamic. There's two
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: people and you're going to respond so differently depending on
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: your upbringing, your wounds, their wounds, their behavior, your behavior.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: It's like never just one person, hey, No, both play
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: their equal role.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: And also it's well, it's looking at the belief underneath
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: the need to do those things or maybe I'm not
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: enough as is, you know, So then what it becomes about,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: and what it gets to be about, is removing all
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: the clutches that you use to feel good enough and
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: then going, let me just put myself out here raw,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: rare fucking naked fully for this person to love me,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: and then see how receptive they are to you, which
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like is what we've done in our friendship.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: I think we did have that conversation. No, I remember
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: saying this to you. Actually, I was like, baby, don't
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: need to post. If you never posted me on social.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Media, like I'd still be here like the podcast. You're like,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I don't care if you don't ever tag me again. No,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I'm still here, oh babe, Like you know. Yeah, And
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: that was nice for a new friendship for me to
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: feel that, and it made me reflect on the girlfriends
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I've had since my teenage years. I was like, Wow,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: They've never actually even asked me to do any of that.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: They've never needed me to do that. They loved me
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: when I was insecure, just meeting Steve, like, never done
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: any work with myself, had no fucking money. They loved
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: me equally just as much there as to the peak
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: of my career when I had so much money and
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: could buy and do whatever. Yeah, to like how I'm
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: living now, It is kind of in between. You know.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: They haven't loved me any differently or ever expected or
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: wanted anything different of me except for my time and me.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: They just want you. Yeah, it's been cool to have that,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: but it's different from a long term friendship to like
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: a new one. Those fears definitely came up within me.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent so valid as well. And it's cool
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: as well in terms of identity because what I find
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: and what I've seen in women that I've coached and
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: also my own journey as well, is like I could
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: do all the personal development work, but if I don't
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: change the way I see myself, Yes, I end up
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: going back to that behavior because I tell myself I'm this,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: I'm that, and it's on unconscious of course, like we
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: don't really like sit there and go I'm fucking.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: But when you change the way that you start to
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: think and feel, and you look at all of those
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: deep wounds in those stories and you start to rewrite them,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: you can take pride in the fact that people that
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: you pedestal also want to spend time with you also
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: pedestal you also value you. So it's like just a
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: cool little way to reframe of going oh shit. Instead
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: of me going oh fuck, I'm like not feeling deserving.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, I can take pride in the fact
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: that they fucking love me just as much.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: That deserving word is one that I have used to
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: rewire the way I think about friendships. I think Steve's
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: helped me a lot in that whenever I felt like
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I don't deserve my friends and I don't recry to
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: him about it, he was always just like, why from
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: an outsider, you're the fucking best friend in the world.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: You are you will literally do anything for your friends,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: and you do that all the time. He could never
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: understand why I had that fear of not being enough.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: But once again, it's like you have to appeel the
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: layers back to your childhood and that wound, it goes
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: so much deeper than that. I would love to know.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Your thoughts on me, Oh, if there's any motherhood or
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: sisterhood wounds or anything that you might see maybe playing
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: out for me at the moment.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Even if a wound comes up, you're hyper aware of it,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: so you will literally say to me, oh, like, I've
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: got this story about this. I know this is a
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: wound of mine, Like, I know this is my thing,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to take some time to think about it.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I think there's abandonment wounds if I was put my
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: finger on any of them. I think there's abandonment wounds
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: of people leaving yeah, yeah, and people not being trust
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: and now they're coming out lay them out.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: You're like, wait, we spoke about this last week.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I think there's some abandonment and trusting. I think you
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: find it hard to trust people and to really let
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: people see the real you. And I think that's even
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: been such a big leap, like for people listening and
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: watching you look so comfortable on camera, but I know
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: that's actually been quite a big edge for you to
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: be so open and let people into your life. Yeah,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: talk about things that have happened, so I think trust, yeah, yeah,
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: and you have admitted this competition. I don't see a
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: lot in that in you because I don't feel that
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: with you at all, but yeah, the other ones do
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: come up.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't feel that with you, And I think
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: it was something that came up for me more maybe
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: like around two years ago, in the past friendships that
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: I've been in, But I wouldn't say that it feels
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: very present for me now. It's like I've kind of
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: worked through those to the degree that I needed to
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: work through them, and then until it triggers me again,
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: like I feel pretty good. But I would say you've
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: definitely on the money with the abandonment stuff and also
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: the trusting thing. That's a harder thing for me to do,
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I think, especially because of like the sex tape and
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. I think I've had, I assume that come
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: up quite a lot. Actually now I'm reflecting, especially in relationships,
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: like especially in intimate relationships, I find it much harder
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: to trust men now than I do with women. But
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: I've done more work on my sisterhood and female relationships
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: than I have in an intimate relationship. Yeah, So like say,
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: for example, in every relationship that I've been in, I've
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: had a fear of my partner cheating on me because
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: my first ever relationship, when I first fell in love,
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: cheated on me the whole time and I didn't find
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: out too after the fact, so I had to like
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: adjust to making.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Sense of all that so much sense, you know.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: And then he released a fucking sex tape of us
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: without my consent, So then there was like, everyone's going
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: to deceive me, everyone's got ulterior motives, everyone's going to
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: do something.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: Trust another man with me again, and that.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: I can honestly say that that's really come up in
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: my relationship at the moment. Like it's definitely been something
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: that's been super triggering for me, but he's been there
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: to reassure me. And also I've been like, Okay, what's
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: my baggage, what's real, what's not?
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: You know, It's just yeah. That was similar with Steve
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: when I first got with him, he'd had past relationships
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: that a cheat on him. God, I was so determined
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: to like give him the evidence that there is loyal
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: women and there's women that will not do that. How
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: beautiful is that? I remember he said to me at
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: the start We spoke so openly about our triggers and
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: things that came up for me, and I was like,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I'm very jealous of ex partners and yeah, that's cool.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just jealous and insecure because I've
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: been cheated and I really struggle to trust. And from
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: that moment, I was like, I can't wait for this
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: man to fully trust in me and women again, because
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to show him that not all women do that. Yeah,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: because it happened so many times to him, he really
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: felt like that and I would too. I've never been
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: cheated on, but if I did, Oh, I don't know
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: how I'd handle. That'd be so hard. You can see
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: why people don't want to trust again. That must be
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: so painful.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: It's a part of the work, though, isn't it. And
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: it's like that's my work to do. It's like, Okay,
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I've been burnt once before. How many times am I
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: going to let that impact.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Way I get to build now? It's so true. Yeah, Oh,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: this is such a factiful conversation. Thank you being so
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: open and also inform me. I feel like I really
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: understand it now and it will help me in future
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: when I get triggered or things come up around women,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I'll be able to trace that back and be like, oh,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I remember the little girl this happened. Yeah, okay, cool,
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: what's true? What do I do with that? Yes, it
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be the truth or my story. Okay,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: I'm going to sit with that and like, yeah, make
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: different choices. Yeah.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes people can get stuck in the
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: why of things as well, of like why do I
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: do this? And why am I like this? And where
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: did this come from? And trying to find the why.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: But I think awareness is such an important part of
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: the journey, Like what you just said. It's a really
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: beautiful thing to be able to trace back and it
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: really helped you propel forward as long as you're not
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: getting stuck there, you know, because it's like, oh, why
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: did this happen?
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: And why am I here? And why am I like this?
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: It's like sometimes just for the people who may potentially
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: feel stuck in the why, just know that sometimes the
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: why is not important.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Ye use it as a tool to.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Go Okay, this is awareness, this is where it's come from. Okay, cool,
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: what do I want to do moving forward? Like what
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: actually just said? And then if you're getting stuck in
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: it for you specifically, just know that the why doesn't matter.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: All you need to do is focus on what you
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: want to do moving forward.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I love that so much. Thank you so much for
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: sharing all of that. If you're in our Facebook forum,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: please let us know if there's any other questions around this.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: We would love to dive deep into conversation, which is
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: what our forums forwards, because I have to extend what
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: we've spoken about. A few girls to chat and connect
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: on that, and we'll see you on Friday. Sounds good
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: bye bye,