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Transcript

Everyone Online Is Performing · Mostly Offline

0:07
Maria: Welcome to Mostly Offline, the podcast about being a little less online and a little more present.
0:20
Maria: I'm Maria.
0:21
Justin: And I'm Justin.
0:22
Justin: We're here to talk about phones, social media, and all the ways being constantly connected can start to feel like a lot.
0:27
Justin: Before we get into it, I have to ask: have you seen anything crazy or wild this week?
0:31
Maria: Yes, the flying cars, Tesla.
0:34
Justin: Okay, I think they're fake.
0:35
Justin: Hot take.
0:36
Maria: Why do you think they're fake?
0:38
Justin: I just don't think it's possible.
0:39
Justin: What?
0:39
Justin: Like I saw a lot of scientists talking about it and they were like, this is fake.
0:43
Justin: The they're basically saying like it's the shell of a car with like a SpaceX rocket inside of it, or like a they're using like SpaceX's technology, which of course they're using, but they're basically saying it's like a hollow shell, like smoke and mirrors, hollow shell.
0:58
Justin: And like with the car, the actual car weight, it's gonna be like way heavier and stuff too.
1:04
Justin: And there's only two seconds of flight time.
1:05
Justin: Like, what is that using?
1:06
Maria: Okay.
1:07
Maria: I could see it.
1:07
Maria: Also, I just feel like people I don't trust them to fly cars around.
1:13
Justin: I don't trust people to drive cars around on the ground.
1:17
Justin: So, like, I was telling Max the other day I was driving, and I was like, why does everyone in the city seem like they just got their license today?
1:25
Maria: I know.
1:26
Maria: It's actually pretty whack.
1:28
Justin: And I can't do it.
1:31
Justin: I yeah, people are crazy.
1:34
Maria: They are crazy.
1:35
Maria: Didn't something happen to one of your friends?
1:37
Justin: Oh my god.
1:38
Justin: Speaking of that, last week we were talking, yes, last week we were talking about how we should like publicly shame people.
1:44
Justin: And so my friend, who shall remain nameless, he will like instead of like yelling at people or getting upset when they're like in a road rage incidents, he will just give them a thumbs down.
1:54
Justin: And this guy got so mad at him that he rammed him with his car.
1:58
Justin: I've never even heard of that.
1:59
Justin: It was wild.
2:00
Justin: And he was like in his wife's car going to pick up his wife from the airport.
2:03
Justin: And the guy like got out of the car and wanted to like fight him.
2:06
Justin: And he's a big dude.
2:07
Justin: He got out of the car and the guy was like, Oh, scared of him.
2:10
Justin: But yeah, he was like, and he's like rammed him.
2:13
Maria: So he rammed his car and then they were proceeded to get out of the car.
2:18
Justin: Yes, because they were in a motor vehicle accident at that point, right?
2:20
Justin: So they had to get out.
2:21
Justin: So then and then he like was he was acting like he was gonna beat this guy up.
2:25
Justin: It was crazy.
2:27
Maria: Like, I do the thumbs down thing, so I'm actually terrified.
2:30
Justin: Yeah, you should be careful.
2:31
Justin: I saw this whole egoed men might ram you.
2:34
Maria: I saw this thing that you can put on actually your back window, and it's a light that you click that gives a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
2:42
Justin: I've seen that, and you can like write a message.
2:43
Justin: I've thought about it.
2:44
Justin: I'm like scared to get like beat up.
2:48
Justin: Yeah.
2:49
Justin: I think um, along with shaming people, we should also be more afraid of getting beat up.
2:54
Maria: I think so too.
2:55
Justin: Like it's kind of it's kind of crazy to live in this society.
2:58
Justin: Should we get into it?
2:59
Maria: Yeah, I think we should.
3:00
Maria: So today we're talking about how everyone online is performing, the highlight reels, the curated versions of ourselves, the posts we make because they'll do well and not because they're true.
3:11
Justin: Basically, the difference between sharing your life and performing your life.
3:14
Maria: Exactly.
3:15
Maria: And I want to start with this.
3:16
Maria: Do you feel like you're ever truly yourself online?
3:19
Justin: Yes, like sometimes, yeah.
3:21
Justin: I feel like yes, like like I'm I don't want to say like I'm super performative online.
3:27
Justin: Like my Instagram's a little performative, but like on Reddit or like TikTok comments, I'm like pretty real.
3:33
Justin: Like my TikTok likes.
3:35
Justin: Some of my TikTok comments have like 100,000 likes, which is diabolical.
3:39
Justin: And like it's kind of embarrassing, but at the same time, I just think they're so funny, and I need to say them.
3:46
Maria: Well, obviously, it has 99,000.
3:49
Justin: Yeah, the one has like 99.3, and it's just like the funniest thing ever.
3:52
Justin: And it just like forever, and it just every time I go on TikTok, it's like 25 new people liked your comment.
3:59
Justin: And this video is probably three or four years old.
4:01
Justin: Like, and people are still seeing it, they're still liking the comments.
4:05
Justin: Netflix, if you want me to do a comedy special, just let me know.
4:09
Maria: I feel like Netflix always is looking for somebody new to do comedy.
4:13
Justin: I don't think I'm that funny, but I'm pretty funny.
4:15
Maria: I think you're that funny.
4:16
Justin: I don't I don't know.
4:17
Justin: I appreciate that.
4:18
Justin: Do you think you're ever you're truly yourself online?
4:22
Maria: I feel like no.
4:23
Maria: I feel like I'm curating like positive fitness content and I'm trying to get people to sign up to do personal training with me.
4:31
Maria: I think lots of the things I talk about are personal and they are very real.
4:36
Maria: But having a nine to five, being stressed out, trying to escape that nine to five life, there's a lot of things that I don't post online just because it would be extremely depressing.
4:48
Maria: It would just be me crying.
4:50
Justin: Yeah, I mean, I guess in that aspect, like I post online the happy moments of my life.
4:56
Justin: So not, I guess I am being a little performative.
4:58
Justin: Like I'm not posting on Instagram when I'm like depressed and can't leave my house, right?
5:03
Maria: I would say compared to other people's content, I am less performative.
5:07
Maria: But I think just posting on the app, there comes like a level of it's the same as like going into work.
5:13
Maria: If you're having like a horrible time, you're not gonna go into work and just like cry at work.
5:17
Maria: Everybody is like, you have to be a professional.
5:20
Maria: And I feel like the way I view social media is this is a professional platform for me to grow on.
5:26
Maria: So the things that I'm posting are things that I'm that are professional or like I deem professional.
5:31
Justin: Yeah, I guess like at the heart of it, like posting your life on Instagram is performative.
5:38
Justin: So how do you not be performative, right?
5:40
Justin: Like, I guess like everyone online is kind of performative.
5:43
Maria: I feel like there is a difference between sharing your life and performing your life though.
5:47
Maria: Like we've all seen those get ready with me videos where they pull out makeup and they're like tapping the makeup, and it's just the most unrealistic thing you could possibly imagine.
5:59
Maria: You're like, what is happening right now?
6:01
Maria: But it draws you in.
6:03
Justin: Yeah, like I know like some people really like that, like tippity-tappity.
6:06
Justin: I don't like it.
6:08
Justin: I it it's weird to me, but like I don't think I'm like the target demographic for that level of influencing, I guess.
6:16
Justin: But yeah, I don't like the tippity tappeting.
6:17
Justin: But when they're getting up and they're like, get with get ready with me to do my makeup for my nine to five, and they're starting at like 5 a.m.
6:24
Justin: because they're doing their makeup for two and a half hours.
6:26
Justin: Like, I'm I everyone should do what makes them feel good.
6:30
Justin: But at that point, I think you're doing too much.
6:33
Justin: Like, I feel like you can do your makeup, you're not doing like Hollywood glam for a wedding, you're doing that every day for your job.
6:40
Maria: But also, it's extremely fake.
6:42
Maria: Like, I've posted videos before where I've put incorrect timelines.
6:47
Maria: Like I just posted a hiking video, yeah, and it's like this isn't actually accurate.
6:52
Maria: Like I posted and I said we got up at or we were there at 8 a.m.
6:57
Maria: or 9 a.m.
6:58
Maria: We were actually there at 7 a.m., I think, and then we ended later.
7:03
Maria: I don't know.
7:04
Maria: I just got the times mixed up, but I feel like it would be really easy to make B-roll shots and then just fake the time.
7:11
Maria: So like they say they're getting up at 5 a.m., but are they actually getting up at 5 a.m.?
7:15
Maria: Like you don't know.
7:16
Justin: Yeah, but then yeah, then I guess that's like yeah, I mean, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
7:22
Maria: But it's the same as like 75 hard.
7:24
Maria: It's like this is to motivate people, but at the same time, are they actually doing the 75 hard?
7:29
Maria: Like I've gone to the gym to get B-roll shots.
7:31
Maria: I will bring six different workout sets, and then I will get videos of me doing, I'll just do a full body workout and I'll just do like two sets of all these exercises to get videos of me doing those exercises, and then it looks like I went to the gym every single day of the week and filmed.
7:48
Maria: I did go to the gym every single day of the week, but I didn't film.
7:51
Maria: Yeah.
7:52
Justin: Yeah, I think I would do that too.
7:53
Justin: Like if I was making fitness con fitness content, I would probably do that too.
7:57
Justin: No, actually, I wouldn't.
7:58
Justin: I would just film while I'm already in the gym because I'm a very purposeful person, I feel like.
8:04
Maria: I just feel like it got to the point where I was filming at the gym, so then I was looking at the gym as work and not necessarily as an outlet, which it once was for me.
8:15
Maria: So I feel like you gotta be careful with how much you're filming because I feel like it can take over your life.
8:21
Justin: Yeah, even like at one point, the gym just felt like work to me, and I don't even work at the gym.
8:26
Justin: Do you know what I mean?
8:26
Justin: Like when I was like really burnt out, the gym felt like just an unachievable mountain to me.
8:32
Justin: And I think I could see that.
8:34
Justin: Like if you're always filming in the gym, and also the people around you, it's kind of annoying when you're filming all the time, right?
8:41
Justin: So like I'm always conscious of like who's around me when I'm filming in the gym too.
8:44
Justin: Even if I'm just filming my form or whatever.
8:47
Maria: Well, I've had people full-on like yell at me at the gym.
8:50
Justin: I've had I go to the gym the same, I went to the same gym as that, you know, that big booty guy.
8:55
Maria: Oh my gosh, yes, I know him.
8:57
Justin: I used to go to the same gym as him, and it it is really annoying actually, like, because he will be filming like really, really not, I don't want to say like I don't want to sexualize him, but like his content is a little more sexual.
9:12
Justin: Like it's like it's it's about having a big booty, and it's like his clothing is quite revealing, and to be around him, like I don't want to be in those videos.
9:22
Justin: So when he's filming around, it is annoying because it's like if he's using one, if he's using one bench, but four benches are in the background, he's taking up five benches, right?
9:34
Justin: He doesn't mean to be doing that, but people don't want to be in your content, right?
9:38
Justin: So if if you're conscious about it, I think they should make um gyms for influencers.
9:43
Justin: Like make a gym that has like eight rooms, and each room has like a bench and a squat rack and dumbbells, and then it's just closed off private space where you can film, you rent the space, and that's what they should do.
9:58
Maria: TM, TM, TM, TM.
10:00
Justin: Trademark, that's my idea.
10:01
Justin: I just think it's kind of rude to film other people.
10:03
Justin: And I think in this like online world, I see this stuff about like meta glasses and all these things, and I think like everyone is performing their life online, but not everyone wants to perform their life online or be a part of your life online, right?
10:18
Maria: No, I agree with you like a thousand percent.
10:20
Maria: Like, I feel like you have to be really conscious when you're filming, and I feel like I am really conscious when I'm filming.
10:27
Maria: I feel like people that aren't like some marketing schemes right now where they'll just go up to random people or they'll do diabolical things, like it's crazy.
10:37
Maria: Yeah, it's not okay.
10:39
Justin: The when you're like trying to do like viral marketing on the street and you're like pranking people, I don't like that kind of content.
10:44
Maria: I hate it too.
10:45
Justin: I don't like pranking strangers.
10:47
Justin: I think people have so much going on in their day-to-day, like everyone is constantly stressed, and like we live in this really high stress world right now, and to like just be pranking people for the for the views, I think is so rude.
11:02
Maria: I think so too.
11:03
Maria: And I think too posting something because you enjoy it versus because it will do well is something that I also think about a lot.
11:11
Maria: I don't have a hundred thousand followers.
11:14
Maria: I feel like I post really positive content where I'm trying to also get people to hire me as personal trainer, but also trying to get them to become more knowledgeable and not get scammed by personal trainers out there.
11:28
Maria: But it does make me sad because sometimes I am posting things to get views.
11:34
Maria: Like I'm not posting because I want to post.
11:37
Maria: If my Instagram was ADHD on medicated posting, it would be diabolical, it would be crazy.
11:44
Justin: Yeah, I think it would be.
11:46
Justin: Like I used to have a Twitter account where I would just post whatever.
11:48
Justin: Back before Twitter was like when Twitter was used for actually tweeting, you know what I mean?
11:53
Justin: I used to just like post random thoughts.
11:55
Justin: I'm like, I do like enjoy I do enjoy that.
11:58
Justin: Do you think that your social media would do better if you just did post like all your ADHD thoughts?
12:04
Justin: Like, I don't know.
12:06
Maria: I don't know either because I feel like my content isn't aesthetic curated videos already.
12:13
Maria: Like, I feel like it's very random, but also I've sat behind the scenes and been like, this is the topic that I'm talking about.
12:22
Maria: I guess I am going to more curated, like aesthetic looking videos now where I'm talking on the mic, but I feel like that's also what people want to see.
12:29
Maria: And it's like at the end of the day, if I'm posting for business purposes, I want it to do well.
12:36
Justin: Yeah, when it's your job, you kind of have to post what people want to see and what people want to interact with.
12:41
Justin: But at the same time, do people really know what they want?
12:45
Justin: Because I feel like when something goes viral, it's so random, it's not like a thing where it's curated.
12:51
Maria: I have posted every single day for the past one and a half years, and I have never, it's so embarrassing.
12:59
Maria: I have never gone viral, and I'll see posts of people that go viral, and I do not understand the film quality will be bad, the audio is bad, it makes no sense, and it's viral, and it drives me bonkers.
13:14
Maria: Like, good job for those people, but for somebody that actually is like trying to curate good videos, it kind of sucks.
13:21
Maria: It does make me feel like I should be putting in less effort and I should just say what I want to say and do what I want to do.
13:27
Justin: A couple years ago, I started like posting on my Instagram.
13:30
Justin: I used to like post things based on like what would get the most likes, right?
13:34
Justin: And a couple years ago, I was like, you know what?
13:37
Justin: My Instagram is for me, it's not for everyone else.
13:39
Justin: So I started just posting things that I wanted to post and I didn't really care about the likes and stuff anymore.
13:44
Justin: And it's a lot more rewarding, but I don't do Instagram as a job, right?
13:47
Justin: Like my Instagram is not a business marketing tool for me, it's just for my friends.
13:52
Justin: So it's still a little performative, but I do only really post things that will make me happy and I don't look at the amount of likes they get.
13:59
Maria: I also kind of have rewired my brain like with planning content lately, where I'm like, if I have grandchildren, I want them to be able to look back and it's almost like a virtual diary.
14:09
Maria: So it's like, oh, she ran like this marathon, or oh, she did this.
14:14
Maria: So the videos that I'm posting are very like diary, cute font, cute stickers.
14:19
Maria: That's a vibe that I'm going for.
14:21
Maria: And I feel like a lot of people are super into that right now.
14:24
Justin: Yeah, I don't know, like I do like that, but I've seen these, I've also seen these like photo books you can do where you like take pictures on your trip.
14:31
Justin: Cause I a lot of times I'm like posting pictures from a trip because it's like the memories of the trip that I want, right?
14:37
Justin: But I I've seen these like photo books where you can get your I guess it's like a photo album, like, but it's like a more curated, like Instagram-esque photo album that you can like put on your coffee table.
14:49
Justin: I think that's a good way to like keep those memories.
14:52
Justin: I personally like I like seeing my friends' posts and stuff, but like I don't really care about your trip.
14:59
Justin: Do you know what I mean?
15:00
Justin: Like, yeah, you're posting your trip, I don't really care about that.
15:03
Justin: Tell me about your trip when I see you.
15:05
Justin: If we're close enough friends, I want to hear about the trip.
15:08
Justin: I want to hear the funny stories.
15:09
Justin: I want to hear like so-and-so fell in a pool or down the stairs, or you know what I mean?
15:13
Justin: Like those funny things happen, you're not posting those on Instagram.
15:16
Justin: Those are the things I want to know.
15:18
Justin: But yeah, I think we need to find a better way to like memorialize these things because you never know when you're gonna be looking through them.
15:26
Justin: My mom's scanning all of our old photo albums right now, so I've been like looking through them, and it's like I don't remember these things.
15:33
Justin: Also, like makes you appreciate I think how like young your parents are, and like my parents were a lot younger than me when they had like teenage, like when they were my age, they had like a teenage, at least one teenage child.
15:49
Justin: And I'm like, I can barely get groceries for myself.
15:53
Justin: I don't think I could take care of a child, you know what I mean?
15:56
Justin: And it's crazy, like it you can look back and be like, I think you can give your parents a lot of space for how hard it must have been to be like 25 years old and have three children.
16:08
Maria: My dad does this thing every year, it's the slideshow, and what he does is he has a Nikon camera and he takes photos, and then he labels like 2005 to 2006, whatever it is, and he puts it to music and it has like little effects like the photo will spin, and on Christmas Day, normally he gets us to all sit in the basement and he calls it the premiere, and he makes us sit and watch everything that happened that year.
16:38
Maria: So he has one at Christmas and then he has one at New Year's and he gets us to sit.
16:43
Maria: And low-key, I was like, This is cringe, but now looking back, it's really cute because he doesn't like to watch movies, he likes to read.
16:51
Maria: But I'll be like, hey dad, what's up?
16:53
Maria: And do you want to watch a movie?
16:54
Maria: And he's like, Let's watch 2005, and I'm like, Okay, I am obsessed.
16:59
Justin: Let's get it with your dad.
17:01
Justin: I like this man, I have this man on a pedestal.
17:04
Justin: Like, oh, he should be.
17:06
Justin: I am obsessed with him.
17:07
Justin: Like, do you know the movie Christmas Vacation, like National Lampoons Christmas Vacation?
17:12
Justin: No, your dad is like the character, Clark Griswold.
17:16
Justin: Obviously, your dad is much more intelligent than him because the Clark is kind of an idiot, but he's like a dad, like he would do that.
17:22
Justin: Like, he's always like doing like the craziest vacations for his family and stuff.
17:26
Justin: And like, between your dad not having a cell phone and let him like making a movie of every year, this man is iconic.
17:33
Justin: Like, if your dad had social media, he would go viral.
17:35
Maria: I think he would.
17:36
Maria: I actually asked him to, and he looks like Bill Nye the Science guy as well.
17:41
Justin: I love that.
17:41
Justin: That's so funny.
17:42
Justin: I can't wait to meet your dad.
17:44
Justin: I need to like meet this man.
17:45
Maria: He's the best.
17:46
Maria: He truly is the best.
17:49
Justin: I but on this like topic of like social media personalities and stuff.
17:53
Justin: Like, have you ever met like a person?
17:56
Justin: Like, you see these like micro influencers around the city, right?
18:00
Justin: Like, do you ever meet them in real life?
18:02
Justin: Yes, and they're not who they are, yeah.
18:04
Justin: Right?
18:04
Justin: Like, they're so fake.
18:06
Justin: I've met so many of them, especially like realtors.
18:09
Justin: There's like ones that are real and there's ones that aren't, but I hate when someone's like, Oh my god, I'm famous.
18:15
Justin: But like it's like you're famous in like the tiniest little market in the tiniest little niche, right?
18:20
Maria: Yeah, like you're literally a tiny little fish or a big fish in a tiny little pond.
18:26
Justin: Yeah, yeah, that's a good way to put it.
18:28
Justin: Because like these people are famous, I mean, famous, quote unquote famous in a small market, like you could be famous in a small city, but then you go like they act like they are A-list celebrities.
18:45
Maria: But the thing that's wild about creators as well, and especially some microcreators, I know that if I adopted a different personality and I went online and I analyzed all the viral videos and what they were doing and tried to curate a personality, I could go viral.
19:03
Maria: I know that I could, but I don't want to pretend to be someone else or create a persona that's not me.
19:09
Maria: Like I am like the people that are following me genuinely like what I have to say, genuinely like my personality, and I'm okay with that.
19:17
Maria: I don't need 300,000 followers to follow something that's fake because wearing that mask would be so hard in interviews and stuff.
19:26
Maria: No wonder influencers get canceled because they're literally pretending to be someone they're not, and then they get caught in the lie.
19:34
Justin: Yeah, like my favorite influencers or favorite celebrities are people that are just like real, unapologetically, like they're just like who they are.
19:43
Justin: They're not trying to be famous or anything.
19:45
Justin: I watch a lot of like like I watch like these like shows like The Traders and like those types of shows.
19:51
Justin: And the ones that go on there and they're just their true selves are so much more refreshing than these people that go on and try to be someone that they're not.
19:58
Justin: Like you so I for me at least it's so easy to tell when someone's trying to be someone than they're not.
20:04
Justin: And I think maybe that's because I have done that before.
20:07
Justin: Like, not that I was trying to like be famous on social media, but I've tried to live a life that I that wasn't true, right?
20:14
Justin: And I think it's easy to tell when people are doing that when you've done that before.
20:20
Maria: I also feel like top influencers, they are authentically, some of them are authentically themselves, but they're just enhancing the parts of themselves.
20:30
Maria: Like Alex Earl, I've talked about her before.
20:32
Maria: I really love her.
20:33
Maria: I had to stop following her because I was comparing myself to her body because that is so unattainable for me.
20:40
Maria: But her, she's a big party girl, and she really like leans into that.
20:45
Maria: And I feel like she makes it look bigger than it actually is because that's what people want to see.
20:50
Justin: Yeah, I think my impression of her or like Tanamojo, like I get the impression that they are partying every night of the week, right?
20:59
Justin: Which I don't think is true because no one's really doing that.
21:02
Justin: Well, some people are doing that, but I don't think someone who's a professional influencer is doing that because I think it would be so hard to look like happy and good.
21:11
Justin: Because like when you're hungover, you have bags on your eyes, you're not like I think these people, I don't think these people are partying that much.
21:17
Justin: But I think also influencers are partying less.
21:21
Justin: Like, I find that there's a lot more influencers nowadays that are like, oh, I I don't drink, but like if I was to drink, this is when I would, you know what I mean?
21:28
Justin: But then it when they people say things like that, I'm like, are you being truthful?
21:33
Maria: That's so true.
21:34
Maria: I feel like so many things said online are not true, and people are giving advice, and it is really concerning.
21:42
Maria: We've talked about it in the fitness industry, but really with anything like that guy, clavicular, that scares me, the look maxing guy.
21:50
Maria: Like, I don't understand as to why this guy is getting a platform.
21:56
Maria: For example, if I have Dog and the dog is sick.
22:01
Maria: I'm not gonna take the dog to the principal of a school and say, fix my dog.
22:06
Maria: If I'm having a heart attack, I'm not going to go to the police and be like, I'm having a heart attack.
22:11
Maria: I'm gonna call 911 and go to the hospital.
22:13
Maria: So the connect here is why are we giving giving influencers with no credentials that power?
22:21
Maria: We're going to them for this information, but yet they're not certified.
22:26
Maria: They don't have anything to back up what they're actually saying, but yet we're trusting them like we would a real professional.
22:31
Justin: Yeah.
22:32
Justin: I mean, we talked about this before my episode one, where we were talking about these like peptides and like these things that people are taking, and people are trusting in these influencers to be truthful to them.
22:46
Justin: And I feel like when money's involved, sometimes people aren't truthful.
22:52
Justin: And I don't think it's a healthy thing to do.
22:54
Justin: I think we put way too much power in these people.
22:59
Justin: They're not all good people just because you think.
23:02
Justin: Also, I think we also put them on a pedestal and and make the whole they're a celebrity thing true because we act like they're a celebrity.
23:10
Justin: Like I've run into people in the city where I've I'm meeting someone and someone's like, oh my god, do you know who that is?
23:16
Justin: And it's like, no, I don't.
23:18
Justin: And it's like, oh, it's so-and-so.
23:20
Justin: And I look them up and they have like 50,000 followers.
23:23
Justin: To me, I don't, that doesn't mean anything to me.
23:25
Justin: I don't really care about that.
23:26
Justin: So I don't put that much value in those people.
23:29
Justin: And I actually didn't find that person that nice anyway.
23:32
Justin: It's not someone that I would even talk to because whether or not they have 50,000 followers is irrelevant to me.
23:37
Justin: They weren't pleasant to engage with.
23:39
Maria: What's scary though is marketing almost has gone so far with the influencers that people aren't only adopting the products that they're using and everything that's going on, but they're also trying to find a sense of self and their own personality within the influencers.
23:54
Maria: And I think that is a huge issue because people don't know how to actually be authentically themselves anymore.
24:01
Justin: No, everybody's creating an online version of themselves.
24:04
Justin: Like influencers are doing it, you're doing it, I'm doing it.
24:07
Justin: We're not meaning to do it, but there's an online version of me that, like, if you look at my Instagram, my the online version of me looks like I go travel all the time and I'm always at the gym and stuff like that.
24:18
Justin: I don't travel that much.
24:20
Justin: I just only post pictures when I travel.
24:23
Justin: So it looks like I'm always traveling.
24:25
Maria: What are some things you've posted that didn't reflect how you were actually feeling?
24:30
Justin: This I saw this in the show notes and I was like thinking about this for a long time.
24:34
Justin: I've been looking at a lot of old pictures, or I guess I've been looking at a lot of old pictures late lately because my mom's uploading all of our pictures into iCloud so we can have them.
24:45
Justin: And it's kind of reminded me of like these times where I've like posted things.
24:50
Justin: I archived a bunch of my Instagram pictures, but I can look back and like literally see how depressed I was by looking at it.
24:58
Justin: I'm like, I know in this picture I was posting this to get attention because I was so sad and I just needed something, right?
25:07
Justin: You know what I mean?
25:08
Justin: And like that's where I'm like, this question I saw this and I was like, I'm kind of like might get a little bit dark, but yeah, there's been times where I'm like posting a picture.
25:17
Justin: There's a picture of me, and it's archived on my Instagram where I was in Cabo and I can just see like the pain in my smile.
25:24
Justin: And it was like right after me and my ex had broken up, and it was like a huge breakup.
25:28
Justin: We were together for like three years, but it was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me because it made me do what was next in my life, and that was like moving to the city and like finding actual happiness, and like so that's like a huge stepping stone, but I can see the picture and like feel the pain, if that makes sense.
25:48
Maria: I actually was gonna say a really similar thing.
25:51
Maria: I was with someone for I think it was four years.
25:55
Maria: Sometimes I think it's five, but I think it was four years, and we broke up, and that's actually how I became a boxing instructor, is because I went on this random rampage after COVID where I was like, I'm gonna go to all these finished classes.
26:09
Maria: And I walked into one at a studio in Inglewood, and I took a class and it was the owner's class.
26:15
Maria: And after the class, I went up to him and I was just like, Hey, I want to work here.
26:19
Maria: Will you teach me?
26:20
Maria: I will literally do whatever it takes.
26:21
Maria: And he said, Yeah, I'll train you.
26:24
Maria: I'll hire you.
26:25
Maria: You can come in next week and we'll get you in the classroom and on the mic.
26:29
Maria: And I had never taught a fitness class before in my life.
26:34
Maria: And I remember I sat in the room with him with the mic on.
26:38
Maria: And the first ever session we had is he was like, You don't even have to talk about fitness or anything.
26:43
Maria: I just want you to talk on the mic to me to feel normal talking on the mic.
26:47
Maria: I was that fresh, that green.
26:49
Maria: And I look back at photos of myself at that boxing gym, and I feel the same way.
26:56
Maria: I was trying so hard to move on, and I was so sad, but I'm so happy that that happened.
27:02
Maria: I am so happy I did not end up with that guy.
27:05
Maria: I cannot stress this enough.
27:08
Maria: Like that breakup formed who I am today, and I am pumped about it, to be honest.
27:16
Justin: I agree completely.
27:16
Justin: I think that that was the same for me.
27:19
Justin: Like I obviously cared for this person and stuff like that, and he was very like selfless when he he obviously saw that like I wasn't gonna be happy with him either.
27:30
Justin: It was a very like mutual breakup, and he kind of pushed me to move to the city, but it was very selfless of him to give up me for my happiness, not for his happiness, for my happiness.
27:41
Justin: And I respect him so much for that.
27:42
Justin: But yeah, like I look back and I was so sad at the time, I was devastated.
27:47
Justin: I thought that I was like losing this true love.
27:50
Justin: And looking back now, it's like we didn't we didn't actually want the same things, but I wanted that so bad that it's like I was just willing to do anything for it.
28:03
Maria: Yeah, I feel like breakups like that are the ones that really get you.
28:06
Maria: Was that your first serious relationship?
28:09
Justin: Yeah, it yes, yeah, it was.
28:11
Justin: We were together for like probably, I don't know, like two years officially, but like we really tried.
28:16
Justin: It was probably three, three and a half by the time we had like some, we were both like figuring a lot out about ourselves and like I've had relationships prior to that, but they were never like as serious as that.
28:29
Maria: I would actually argue that people that are other than content creators that have like a schedule that are planning out their content, but if some random person on social media is popping off, I feel like it's because they are going through a breakup or something bad.
28:44
Justin: I also think that people get into relationships, like when you're in a relationship, you're very comfortable and you're not posting as much because you don't, you're not like seeking attention from outside parties.
28:56
Justin: I post a lot more when I'm single.
28:59
Justin: Post stories, even if it's just like my outfit or whatever, like I post a lot more on my Instagram story when I'm single because I want the attention.
29:08
Justin: You want the validation, right?
29:09
Justin: You want people to be like, oh my god, that what a cute outfit.
29:12
Justin: I get that validation for Max.
29:14
Justin: He tells me I'm have a cute outfit.
29:16
Justin: That's the only like I need, right?
29:18
Justin: But when you're single, I think people, and when people break up, they start posting so much more because they want validation because they've lost that person of validation in their life.
29:29
Maria: And maybe that's why depression is skyrocketing and why anxiety and depression has increased because of phones.
29:36
Maria: Because instead of going to people and actually talking it out and building that village for yourself, you're just posting things online.
29:44
Maria: And you have these friendships where it's like you want to go to a party and you want to make it seem like you have like 40 friends or like you're the life of the party when in reality you're not.
29:57
Maria: Like you just feel like poo.
29:59
Justin: Some people really, really, really want that external validation too.
30:03
Justin: Like you look at friends of yours that'll have like a hundred friends.
30:06
Justin: We've talked about before, like how hard it is to maintain those that many relationships.
30:12
Justin: I don't have time to have a hundred friends.
30:14
Justin: I want to have 10 really good friends.
30:17
Justin: I don't want to have a hundred friends.
30:19
Justin: I, it's too much, it's too much work.
30:22
Maria: I feel the exact same.
30:23
Maria: It is way too much work.
30:24
Maria: And this is why we're overwhelmed with our phone, episode one.
30:27
Maria: Check it out.
30:28
Justin: Yeah, if you haven't listened to episode one, I don't know why you're starting on episode three, but go back and listen to it.
30:33
Justin: This is low-key our worst episode ever, but that's okay.
30:36
Justin: We're just having a rough time today.
30:38
Justin: We're both.
30:39
Justin: I forgot to take my ADHD medication, to be honest.
30:41
Maria: So and I have just 10,000 things to do, but that's okay.
30:45
Justin: We'll get through it.
30:46
Maria: I would honestly argue that no one is truly themselves online anymore, except for elderly people.
30:55
Justin: Yes, that's so true.
30:56
Justin: Um, like elderly people will comment them the most heinous things on anything.
31:02
Justin: Have you seen?
31:02
Justin: So, like I for a while I was on this.
31:06
Justin: So I uh go on Twitter, like on Twitter, there's like accounts that are like really crazy.
31:13
Justin: And like I follow a lot of crazy Twitter accounts because I'm like really into like the mysteries of the internet, and there's like these like old senators that like comment on like 19-year-old influencers and are like, oh my god, you look so hot.
31:28
Justin: And it's like, you're posting this publicly, my dude, and you're like 100.
31:33
Justin: Like, yeah, what's the average age of a US senator?
31:35
Justin: Like 97.
31:37
Maria: Is that actually that?
31:37
Maria: No, I just made that up.
31:39
Maria: I feel like they are I just made that up.
31:40
Justin: I think they're all like 80 though.
31:42
Maria: Like, I feel like they don't understand the separation or that it's public, but then I also feel like their content is so cute, and I love it for that reason.
31:54
Maria: Not for the reason you were speaking of, but I just mean there's some people on there that cook, or I can't think of any specific names right now, but there is a guy who will make a Sunday every single Sunday, and it's so cute.
32:08
Maria: He's like 80 and he's like, come make my Sunday Sunday with me, and it's so wholesome.
32:13
Maria: And it's just, I love that.
32:16
Maria: And I also feel like people, once you get to that age, right now, I don't care what people think of me.
32:22
Maria: I don't even want to know how diabolical I'm gonna be when I'm 80.
32:25
Justin: No, like I don't really care.
32:27
Justin: I do like when they just post things like I've there's a lot of like older people that post just like their weird hobbies or whatever.
32:34
Justin: I think also I think a lot more people have autism than we have ever like have we we've ever identified.
32:42
Justin: Like there's an entire generation where I don't think they believed in autism.
32:47
Justin: And like everybody has like an uncle that's obsessed with trains or something, you know what I mean?
32:52
Justin: And those people are making like the do you know what I mean?
32:55
Justin: Like those people are making YouTube videos, and I love them because they are so authentic.
33:01
Justin: Those are the people that are authentic.
33:03
Justin: Can we talk about this?
33:04
Maria: I'm laughing because my boyfriend is obsessed with trains.
33:07
Justin: I also like I also am I'm kind of obsessed with planes, so I mean I mean, I don't know, I probably should see a doctor.
33:18
Justin: Talking about myself, Dr.
33:19
Justin: Miller, shut out.
33:21
Maria: I would agree though that they have like super niche interests and they just don't really care.
33:26
Maria: Like they're at the age where they just they don't care.
33:29
Justin: Maybe that's the thing, is maybe it's just not caring.
33:32
Justin: And they're just like, you know what, I'm not doing this for views, I'm just doing it because I I like this thing.
33:37
Maria: I think the thing that stops me from being 100% authentic online is the idea of getting canceled, saying the wrong thing about form or saying the wrong thing and some bigger influencer.
33:51
Maria: Have you seen those videos of the guys that will take screen recordings and they're sitting in a chair?
33:57
Maria: And they'll take a screen recording, they'll take a screen recording of a girl working out, and then they'll critique the video or critique the information on the video.
34:07
Justin: Ooh.
34:07
Justin: I just think that's so crazy to call out someone for what they're doing, sitting from your house and looking at a screen.
34:17
Justin: And I think that that's like kind of this toxic hate that we have in social media.
34:23
Justin: Everyone feels like they need to critique everything.
34:26
Justin: You and I might do an exercise a little bit differently, but that doesn't mean either way is wrong.
34:32
Justin: There's a technical way to do the exercise, but as long as you're not doing it in a dangerous way, if you're making a little modification.
34:39
Justin: If I'm training a man and you're training a woman, there's different ways.
34:44
Justin: The bodies are different, like there's so many minute details that that person doesn't even understand.
34:51
Maria: But I also feel like I'm not 100% authentic because of the way that my body looks.
34:56
Maria: Like we both know I have body dysmorphia and people are always like, Maria, you have a rocking bod.
35:01
Maria: But when I look at what girls are posting on Instagram, I don't look like that.
35:06
Maria: And I really appreciate the creators that are like taking photos of their stomach sitting down, or this is my pose photo versus not, but I'm just not at the point where I feel secure enough to do that.
35:19
Maria: I that stresses me out a lot.
35:22
Justin: I know exactly what you mean.
35:23
Justin: Like, I'm like, I don't know, I don't know what my body fat percentage is anymore, but I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and I'm like, wow, you look terrible.
35:33
Justin: I have pictures, I actually posted my last Instagram post was like two years ago, but it was after I was in Australia, and there's a picture of me sitting on the railing of a boat, and I have a little tummy because I'm like sitting down, right?
35:45
Justin: And I'm like, wow, I look fat ill, but I don't look fat.
35:49
Justin: My brain is just telling me that this looks horrible.
35:52
Justin: And I actually, but I actually posted it and I'm proud of that because I like it isn't a picture I would have posted normally.
35:58
Justin: It's not a picture that someone would like.
36:01
Justin: I feel like being gay too, you are so hypercritical because everyone posts the most perfect things and they all look so shredded, and all everybody goes has 12 hours a day to be in the gym.
36:15
Justin: It's really hard.
36:16
Justin: It's it's a lot harder.
36:18
Justin: I feel like Max and I are a lot harder on ourselves because of that.
36:24
Maria: Yeah, I just hate that culture, and I feel like that's really what Instagram thrives off of.
36:29
Maria: Maybe I should, maybe that should be a challenge for me is to post more things where I don't feel a hundred percent put together.
36:38
Maria: I know for videos, I am posting clips now where I don't necessarily feel super cute.
36:43
Maria: I'm like, no, I need to post this, but I haven't done photos.
36:47
Maria: Like I like when influencers are posting this, these are the photos that I wanted to post, and these are the photos I deleted.
36:54
Justin: But why not just post the photos you want to post?
36:58
Justin: That's true.
36:59
Justin: That's my thing, is like it's it's these influencers are so performative that they're even being performative in trying to not be performative.
37:09
Maria: It's true.
37:10
Justin: Right?
37:10
Justin: And it's like for me, I just like I liked the picture and it wasn't the the one that I looked perfect in, so I posted it.
37:18
Justin: And that took a long time to get there.
37:19
Justin: And I'm not saying that like everyone needs to force themselves to do that, but I think not being performative is just something you do, it's not something you have to tell everyone about.
37:29
Maria: This is really true, right?
37:31
Maria: This week, let's try one small thing.
37:34
Maria: Post something because you actually enjoy it, not because it might do well, or just get posting altogether.
37:40
Justin: And if you're listening, tell us what's one thing you've posted that didn't reflect how you were actually feeling.
37:45
Maria: Thanks for listening to Mostly Offline.
37:47
Maria: We'll see you next time.
37:48
Justin: Until then, take a breath, put your phone down for a minute, and remember you don't have to perform for anyone.
37:53
Maria: No, and you never should.
37:54
Maria: Nope.
37:56
Maria: Bye.
37:57
Maria: Bye.