Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / Stop Being Flexible, You're Giving Yourself Away | EP 312

Transcript

Stop Being Flexible, You're Giving Yourself Away | EP 312 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:05
  We
• 0:05
  love
• 0:06
  a
• 0:06
  good
• 0:06
  deal,
• 0:06
  don't
• 0:07
  we?
• 0:07
  And
• 0:07
  any
• 0:08
  time
• 0:08
  we
• 0:08
  can
• 0:08
  negotiate,
• 0:09
  we
• 0:10
  gonna
• 0:10
  try
• 0:10
  to
• 0:10
  do
• 0:10
  it
• 0:10
  every
• 0:11
  single
• 0:11
  time.
• 0:12
  But
• 0:13
  there
• 0:13
  are
• 0:13
  some
• 0:14
  things
• 0:14
  that
• 0:14
  are
• 0:14
  just
• 0:15
  not
• 0:15
  up
• 0:15
  for
• 0:15
  debate,
• 0:16
  not
• 0:16
  up
• 0:16
  for
• 0:17
  discussion,
• 0:18
  eligible
• 0:18
  for
• 0:18
  a
• 0:19
  discount
• 0:19
  or
• 0:20
  a
• 0:20
  counteroffer.
• 0:21
  And
• 0:21
  friend,
• 0:22
  that
• 0:22
  is
• 0:23
  your
• 0:23
  worth.
• 0:24
  Because
• 0:24
  here's
• 0:24
  the
• 0:24
  part
• 0:25
  that
• 0:25
  gets
• 0:25
  lost
• 0:25
  in
• 0:26
  translation.
• 0:27
  Most
• 0:27
  of
• 0:27
  the
• 0:27
  time
• 0:28
  when
• 0:28
  a
• 0:28
  woman
• 0:28
  is
• 0:29
  negotiating
• 0:29
  against
• 0:30
  herself,
• 0:31
  She
• 0:31
  doesn't
• 0:31
  even
• 0:32
  know
• 0:32
  it's
• 0:33
  happening.
• 0:34
  It
• 0:34
  does
• 0:34
  not
• 0:35
  feel
• 0:35
  like
• 0:35
  shrinking.
• 0:36
  It
• 0:36
  feels
• 0:37
  like
• 0:37
  being
• 0:37
  reasonable,
• 0:38
  easy
• 0:38
  to
• 0:38
  work
• 0:39
  with.
• 0:39
  It
• 0:39
  feels
• 0:40
  like
• 0:40
  not
• 0:41
  being
• 0:41
  too
• 0:41
  much
• 0:41
  or
• 0:42
  overdoing
• 0:42
  it
• 0:43
  So
• 0:43
  we're
• 0:44
  getting
• 0:44
  specific
• 0:45
  into
• 0:45
  the
• 0:45
  three
• 0:46
  places
• 0:46
  this
• 0:46
  shows
• 0:47
  up
• 0:47
  hardest
• 0:48
  for
• 0:48
  the
• 0:48
  woman
• 0:49
  who
• 0:49
  has
• 0:49
  already
• 0:50
  built
• 0:50
  something
• 0:51
  in
• 0:51
  her
• 0:51
  career,
• 0:52
  relationships,
• 0:53
  and
• 0:54
  in
• 0:54
  how
• 0:55
  she
• 0:55
  sees
• 0:55
  herself.
• 0:56
  Because
• 0:56
  we're
• 0:57
  shining
• 0:57
  a
• 0:57
  light
• 0:58
  on
• 0:58
  the
• 0:58
  version
• 0:58
  of
• 0:58
  you
• 0:59
  that
• 0:59
  is
• 1:00
  successful
• 1:00
  on
• 1:00
  paper
• 1:01
  and
• 1:01
  still
• 1:02
  somehow
• 1:03
  giving
• 1:04
  yourself
• 1:04
  away.
• 1:05
  So
• 1:05
  let's
• 1:06
  get
• 1:06
  into
• 1:06
  it
• 1:07
  And
• 1:07
  hey
• 1:08
  friend,
• 1:08
  let
• 1:09
  me
• 1:09
  formally
• 1:09
  welcome
• 1:10
  you.
• 1:10
  You
• 1:10
  just
• 1:11
  found
• 1:11
  your
• 1:12
  favorite
• 1:12
  podcast.
• 1:13
  This
• 1:14
  is
• 1:14
  Confident
• 1:14
  and
• 1:14
  Empowered
• 1:15
  Women,
• 1:15
  and
• 1:16
  we
• 1:16
  are
• 1:16
  here
• 1:17
  helping
• 1:17
  you
• 1:18
  step
• 1:18
  into
• 1:18
  your
• 1:19
  main
• 1:19
  character
• 1:19
  era.
• 1:20
  So
• 1:20
  hit
• 1:20
  subscribe
• 1:21
  so
• 1:21
  you
• 1:21
  are
• 1:22
  always
• 1:22
  in
• 1:23
  the
• 1:23
  room
• 1:25
  Hey,
• 1:26
  hey,
• 1:26
  hey
• 1:26
  friend.
• 1:27
  Welcome
• 1:27
  back.
• 1:28
  Listen,
• 1:29
  before
• 1:29
  we
• 1:30
  dive
• 1:30
  in,
• 1:31
  take
• 1:31
  a
• 1:31
  breath
• 1:32
  with
• 1:32
  me
• 1:32
  real
• 1:32
  quick.
• 1:33
  Breathe
• 1:33
  in
• 1:37
  And
• 1:38
  breathe
• 1:38
  out
• 1:41
  I
• 1:41
  actually
• 1:42
  need
• 1:43
  you
• 1:43
  here
• 1:43
  with
• 1:43
  me
• 1:43
  for
• 1:44
  this
• 1:44
  one.
• 1:44
  Not
• 1:45
  just
• 1:45
  in
• 1:45
  the
• 1:45
  car
• 1:46
  with
• 1:46
  the
• 1:46
  music
• 1:47
  half
• 1:47
  on
• 1:48
  or
• 1:48
  one
• 1:48
  ear
• 1:48
  open.
• 1:49
  No,
• 1:49
  ma'am.
• 1:50
  I
• 1:50
  need
• 1:50
  you
• 1:51
  present
• 1:52
  because
• 1:53
  We
• 1:53
  are
• 1:53
  getting
• 1:54
  into
• 1:54
  this
• 1:54
  in
• 1:54
  a
• 1:54
  real
• 1:55
  way.
• 1:56
  Ready?
• 1:56
  Okay.
• 1:58
  Have
• 1:59
  you
• 1:59
  ever
• 1:59
  uttered
• 2:00
  these
• 2:00
  words
• 2:01
  or
• 2:01
  said
• 2:01
  some
• 2:02
  version
• 2:02
  of
• 2:02
  it
• 2:02
  to
• 2:03
  yourself?
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  don't
• 2:04
  wanna
• 2:04
  ask
• 2:05
  too
• 2:05
  much,"
• 2:06
  or,
• 2:06
  "I'm
• 2:06
  pretty
• 2:07
  flexible,"
• 2:08
  or
• 2:08
  the
• 2:09
  classic,
• 2:09
  "I
• 2:09
  mean,
• 2:10
  it's
• 2:10
  totally
• 2:10
  fine.
• 2:11
  Whatever
• 2:11
  works
• 2:12
  for
• 2:12
  you."
• 2:12
  Okay,
• 2:13
  notice,
• 2:14
  because
• 2:15
  nobody
• 2:15
  has
• 2:16
  even
• 2:16
  pushed
• 2:16
  back
• 2:16
  yet.
• 2:17
  Nobody
• 2:17
  said
• 2:17
  no,
• 2:18
  questioned
• 2:19
  your
• 2:19
  rate,
• 2:19
  your
• 2:20
  time,
• 2:20
  or
• 2:21
  even
• 2:21
  your
• 2:21
  ask,
• 2:22
  but
• 2:23
  you
• 2:23
  already
• 2:23
  softened
• 2:24
  it.
• 2:25
  You
• 2:25
  already
• 2:25
  lowered
• 2:26
  the
• 2:26
  number,
• 2:26
  already
• 2:27
  pre-apologized
• 2:28
  for
• 2:29
  simply
• 2:30
  wanting
• 2:30
  something.
• 2:32
  That's
• 2:32
  what
• 2:32
  we're
• 2:32
  bringing
• 2:33
  into
• 2:33
  the
• 2:33
  light
• 2:33
  today
• 2:34
  because
• 2:34
  somewhere
• 2:35
  along
• 2:35
  the
• 2:35
  way,
• 2:35
  you
• 2:36
  learned
• 2:36
  that
• 2:36
  wanting
• 2:37
  clearly,
• 2:38
  asking
• 2:39
  directly,
• 2:39
  taking
• 2:40
  up
• 2:40
  space
• 2:41
  fully
• 2:42
  comes
• 2:42
  at
• 2:42
  a
• 2:43
  cost,
• 2:44
  one
• 2:44
  that
• 2:45
  is
• 2:45
  way
• 2:45
  too
• 2:45
  expensive.
• 2:47
  So
• 2:47
  you
• 2:48
  started
• 2:48
  to
• 2:48
  do
• 2:48
  some
• 2:49
  edits
• 2:49
  to
• 2:49
  yourself
• 2:50
  before
• 2:50
  anyone
• 2:51
  ever
• 2:51
  asked
• 2:52
  you
• 2:52
  to.
• 2:53
  You
• 2:53
  started
• 2:53
  performing
• 2:54
  for
• 2:54
  the
• 2:54
  room
• 2:55
  instead
• 2:55
  of
• 2:55
  living
• 2:56
  for
• 2:56
  yourself.
• 2:57
  And
• 2:57
  listen,
• 2:58
  that
• 2:58
  is
• 2:58
  fear
• 2:59
  in
• 2:59
  a
• 2:59
  perfectly
• 3:00
  polished
• 3:01
  pencil
• 3:01
  skirt
• 3:02
  pretending
• 3:02
  to
• 3:02
  be
• 3:03
  professional,
• 3:04
  and
• 3:04
  it's
• 3:05
  been
• 3:05
  running
• 3:05
  the
• 3:05
  show
• 3:06
  Long
• 3:07
  enough.
• 3:08
  Okay,
• 3:08
  real
• 3:09
  quick,
• 3:09
  let's
• 3:09
  talk
• 3:10
  about
• 3:10
  Mary
• 3:11
  J.
• 3:11
  Blige.
• 3:12
  Yes,
• 3:13
  'cause
• 3:13
  Mary
• 3:14
  gave
• 3:14
  us
• 3:14
  so
• 3:15
  much
• 3:15
  for
• 3:16
  years.
• 3:17
  She
• 3:18
  showed
• 3:18
  up
• 3:18
  on
• 3:19
  stage,
• 3:19
  every
• 3:20
  album,
• 3:20
  every
• 3:21
  collaboration
• 3:22
  and
• 3:22
  interview.
• 3:23
  She
• 3:23
  was
• 3:23
  pouring
• 3:24
  out
• 3:25
  of
• 3:25
  a
• 3:25
  place
• 3:25
  that
• 3:26
  was
• 3:26
  not
• 3:26
  full.
• 3:27
  She
• 3:27
  was
• 3:27
  performing
• 3:28
  through
• 3:29
  pain,
• 3:29
  and
• 3:29
  I'm
• 3:29
  talking
• 3:30
  deep
• 3:30
  pain,
• 3:31
  from
• 3:31
  childhood
• 3:32
  to
• 3:33
  terrible
• 3:33
  relationships,
• 3:34
  showing
• 3:35
  up
• 3:35
  for
• 3:35
  everybody
• 3:36
  else
• 3:36
  while
• 3:37
  privately
• 3:38
  carrying
• 3:39
  things
• 3:39
  that
• 3:39
  would've
• 3:40
  broken
• 3:40
  most.
• 3:41
  She
• 3:42
  had
• 3:42
  always
• 3:42
  been
• 3:43
  honest
• 3:43
  in
• 3:44
  telling
• 3:44
  the
• 3:44
  truth
• 3:44
  about
• 3:45
  what
• 3:45
  was
• 3:45
  really
• 3:45
  going
• 3:46
  on,
• 3:46
  what
• 3:46
  she
• 3:47
  had
• 3:47
  been
• 3:47
  through,
• 3:48
  everything
• 3:49
  from
• 3:49
  the
• 3:49
  My
• 3:49
  Life
• 3:50
  album
• 3:50
  to
• 3:50
  I'm
• 3:51
  Going
• 3:51
  Down.
• 3:53
  All
• 3:54
  of
• 3:54
  it
• 3:54
  operating
• 3:55
  in
• 3:55
  pure
• 3:56
  survival
• 3:57
  mode
• 3:58
  instead
• 3:58
  of
• 3:59
  dressing
• 3:59
  it
• 3:59
  up
• 4:00
  for
• 4:00
  everybody
• 4:00
  else's
• 4:01
  comfort,
• 4:02
  and
• 4:02
  the
• 4:02
  world
• 4:02
  received
• 4:03
  every
• 4:04
  drop
• 4:04
  of
• 4:05
  it,
• 4:05
  and
• 4:05
  then
• 4:05
  asked
• 4:06
  for
• 4:06
  more
• 4:07
  And
• 4:07
  listen,
• 4:08
  I
• 4:08
  was
• 4:08
  just
• 4:08
  a
• 4:09
  young
• 4:09
  girl
• 4:09
  when
• 4:09
  this
• 4:09
  album
• 4:10
  came
• 4:10
  out,
• 4:10
  but
• 4:11
  it
• 4:11
  was
• 4:11
  articulating
• 4:12
  pain
• 4:13
  I
• 4:13
  didn't
• 4:13
  even
• 4:13
  know
• 4:14
  I
• 4:14
  had.
• 4:19
  And
• 4:19
  then
• 4:20
  something
• 4:20
  shifted.
• 4:21
  Then
• 4:21
  came
• 4:22
  No
• 4:22
  More
• 4:22
  Drama.
• 4:23
  It
• 4:23
  wasn't
• 4:24
  just
• 4:24
  an
• 4:24
  album
• 4:25
  title,
• 4:26
  it
• 4:26
  was
• 4:26
  a
• 4:26
  full
• 4:26
  on
• 4:27
  declaration.
• 4:28
  It
• 4:29
  was
• 4:29
  a
• 4:29
  woman
• 4:29
  finally
• 4:30
  putting
• 4:30
  her
• 4:31
  own
• 4:31
  name
• 4:31
  at
• 4:31
  the
• 4:32
  top
• 4:32
  of
• 4:32
  the
• 4:32
  list.
• 4:33
  And
• 4:34
  friend,
• 4:35
  that
• 4:35
  is
• 4:36
  when
• 4:36
  she
• 4:36
  became
• 4:38
  untouchable.
• 4:39
  A
• 4:39
  lot
• 4:39
  of
• 4:39
  us
• 4:40
  have
• 4:40
  been
• 4:40
  in
• 4:41
  our
• 4:41
  Mary
• 4:41
  J
• 4:42
  era,
• 4:43
  and
• 4:43
  yes,
• 4:43
  I'm
• 4:43
  talking
• 4:44
  about
• 4:44
  the
• 4:44
  first
• 4:44
  one.
• 4:47
  The
• 4:48
  one
• 4:48
  where
• 4:49
  you
• 4:49
  have
• 4:49
  been
• 4:49
  giving
• 4:50
  everything,
• 4:51
  holding
• 4:51
  it
• 4:51
  together,
• 4:52
  performing,
• 4:53
  capable,
• 4:53
  pleasant,
• 4:54
  and
• 4:54
  fine,
• 4:55
  and
• 4:55
  quietly
• 4:56
  negotiating
• 4:57
  yourself
• 4:58
  down
• 4:59
  in
• 4:59
  the
• 4:59
  process.
• 5:00
  But
• 5:00
  I
• 5:00
  really
• 5:00
  wanna
• 5:01
  spend
• 5:01
  some
• 5:01
  time
• 5:02
  talking
• 5:02
  about
• 5:02
  how
• 5:03
  to
• 5:03
  get
• 5:03
  to
• 5:03
  that
• 5:03
  second
• 5:04
  era,
• 5:05
  the
• 5:05
  one
• 5:05
  where
• 5:05
  you
• 5:06
  stop
• 5:06
  shrinking,
• 5:07
  pre-apologizing,
• 5:09
  and
• 5:09
  offering
• 5:10
  a
• 5:10
  discount
• 5:10
  before
• 5:11
  anybody
• 5:11
  even
• 5:11
  asks
• 5:12
  for
• 5:12
  one,
• 5:12
  okay?
• 5:13
  We're
• 5:13
  talking
• 5:14
  about
• 5:14
  your
• 5:15
  no
• 5:15
  more
• 5:15
  drama
• 5:16
  moment
• 5:16
  But
• 5:17
  first
• 5:17
  we
• 5:17
  gotta
• 5:17
  talk
• 5:18
  about
• 5:18
  how
• 5:18
  you
• 5:18
  even
• 5:19
  ended
• 5:19
  up
• 5:19
  here
• 5:19
  in
• 5:19
  the
• 5:19
  first
• 5:20
  place.
• 5:21
  Just
• 5:22
  know
• 5:22
  this
• 5:23
  is
• 5:23
  a
• 5:23
  sneaky
• 5:24
  little
• 5:24
  pattern,
• 5:25
  okay?
• 5:25
  It
• 5:26
  does
• 5:26
  not
• 5:26
  show
• 5:26
  up
• 5:27
  just
• 5:28
  when
• 5:28
  you
• 5:28
  happen
• 5:29
  to
• 5:29
  be
• 5:29
  struggling.
• 5:30
  It
• 5:30
  shows
• 5:31
  up
• 5:31
  hardest
• 5:32
  in
• 5:32
  women
• 5:32
  who
• 5:35
  are
• 5:35
  healing
• 5:35
  and
• 5:35
  succeeding
• 5:35
  because
• 5:35
  the
• 5:35
  more
• 5:35
  capable
• 5:36
  you
• 5:36
  are,
• 5:37
  the
• 5:37
  more
• 5:38
  invisible
• 5:39
  this
• 5:39
  becomes.
• 5:40
  You
• 5:40
  can
• 5:41
  perform,
• 5:41
  deliver,
• 5:42
  you've
• 5:42
  trained
• 5:43
  yourself
• 5:44
  to
• 5:44
  make
• 5:44
  everything
• 5:45
  look
• 5:46
  fabulous,
• 5:46
  darling,
• 5:47
  even
• 5:48
  when
• 5:48
  you
• 5:49
  going
• 5:49
  down.
• 5:53
  You
• 5:53
  know
• 5:53
  exactly
• 5:54
  how
• 5:54
  to
• 5:54
  hold
• 5:55
  it
• 5:55
  all
• 5:55
  together
• 5:56
  so
• 5:56
  well
• 5:57
  that
• 5:57
  nobody,
• 5:58
  including
• 5:58
  you,
• 5:59
  stops
• 5:59
  to
• 5:59
  ask
• 6:00
  what
• 6:01
  it
• 6:01
  is
• 6:01
  actually
• 6:02
  costing
• 6:03
  you
• 6:03
  So
• 6:03
  let's
• 6:04
  talk
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  three
• 6:04
  places
• 6:05
  this
• 6:05
  is
• 6:06
  more
• 6:06
  than
• 6:06
  likely
• 6:06
  showing
• 6:07
  up.
• 6:07
  Let's
• 6:08
  start
• 6:08
  with
• 6:08
  work
• 6:09
  because
• 6:09
  this
• 6:09
  one
• 6:10
  got
• 6:10
  a
• 6:10
  number
• 6:11
  attached
• 6:11
  to
• 6:11
  it
• 6:12
  And
• 6:12
  here's
• 6:12
  what
• 6:12
  blew
• 6:12
  my
• 6:13
  mind
• 6:13
  when
• 6:13
  I
• 6:13
  looked
• 6:14
  into
• 6:14
  this.
• 6:15
  Research
• 6:15
  shows
• 6:16
  that
• 6:16
  women
• 6:17
  undervalue
• 6:17
  their
• 6:18
  own
• 6:18
  work
• 6:19
  even
• 6:20
  when
• 6:20
  they
• 6:21
  have
• 6:21
  complete
• 6:22
  autonomy
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  set
• 6:23
  their
• 6:23
  own
• 6:24
  rates
• 6:25
  terms
• 6:25
  and
• 6:25
  conditions.
• 6:26
  That
• 6:27
  means
• 6:27
  it
• 6:27
  is
• 6:28
  not
• 6:28
  just
• 6:28
  about
• 6:29
  biased
• 6:29
  systems
• 6:30
  or
• 6:30
  unfair
• 6:31
  structures.
• 6:32
  Not
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  say
• 6:33
  that
• 6:33
  those
• 6:33
  are
• 6:33
  not
• 6:34
  absolutely
• 6:34
  real,
• 6:35
  because
• 6:35
  we
• 6:35
  know
• 6:36
  that
• 6:37
  they
• 6:37
  are.
• 6:37
  But
• 6:38
  it's
• 6:38
  even
• 6:38
  more
• 6:39
  when
• 6:39
  no
• 6:39
  one
• 6:39
  is
• 6:39
  pressuring
• 6:40
  you,
• 6:41
  Even
• 6:41
  when
• 6:41
  no
• 6:41
  one
• 6:41
  has
• 6:42
  said
• 6:42
  a
• 6:42
  single
• 6:42
  word,
• 6:43
  you
• 6:43
  are
• 6:43
  still
• 6:43
  out
• 6:44
  here
• 6:44
  negotiating
• 6:45
  against
• 6:46
  yourself.
• 6:47
  You
• 6:47
  send
• 6:47
  the
• 6:47
  proposal,
• 6:48
  you
• 6:48
  sit
• 6:49
  with
• 6:49
  the
• 6:49
  number
• 6:49
  for
• 6:49
  approximately
• 6:50
  two
• 6:50
  seconds,
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  before
• 6:52
  the
• 6:52
  other
• 6:52
  person
• 6:53
  has
• 6:53
  even
• 6:53
  had
• 6:53
  a
• 6:53
  chance
• 6:54
  to
• 6:54
  open
• 6:54
  your
• 6:54
  email,
• 6:55
  you're
• 6:55
  already
• 6:56
  replying,
• 6:57
  But
• 6:57
  I'm
• 6:57
  flexible."
• 6:59
  Friend,
• 7:00
  nobody
• 7:00
  asked
• 7:01
  you
• 7:01
  to
• 7:01
  be
• 7:01
  flexible.
• 7:04
  You
• 7:04
  can
• 7:04
  just
• 7:05
  sit
• 7:06
  in
• 7:06
  the
• 7:07
  ask.
• 7:08
  And
• 7:08
  let
• 7:08
  me
• 7:08
  tell
• 7:09
  you,
• 7:09
  the
• 7:09
  version
• 7:10
  of
• 7:10
  you
• 7:10
  that
• 7:11
  really
• 7:11
  gets
• 7:11
  me,
• 7:12
  the
• 7:12
  woman
• 7:12
  who
• 7:12
  keeps
• 7:12
  delivering
• 7:13
  exceptional
• 7:14
  results
• 7:15
  and
• 7:15
  waiting,
• 7:16
  just
• 7:16
  waiting
• 7:17
  for
• 7:18
  somebody
• 7:18
  in
• 7:19
  a
• 7:19
  senior
• 7:19
  position
• 7:20
  to
• 7:20
  finally
• 7:20
  notice
• 7:21
  and
• 7:22
  offer
• 7:22
  what
• 7:23
  she
• 7:23
  deserves
• 7:24
  That
• 7:24
  waiting
• 7:25
  is
• 7:25
  also
• 7:26
  part
• 7:26
  of
• 7:26
  the
• 7:26
  negotiation.
• 7:28
  You
• 7:28
  are
• 7:28
  quietly
• 7:29
  saying,
• 7:30
  "My
• 7:30
  value
• 7:30
  is
• 7:30
  not
• 7:31
  something
• 7:31
  I
• 7:32
  name,
• 7:32
  it's
• 7:33
  something
• 7:33
  I
• 7:33
  wait
• 7:34
  for
• 7:34
  permission
• 7:35
  to
• 7:35
  claim."
• 7:36
  And
• 7:36
  friend,
• 7:37
  that
• 7:37
  permission,
• 7:38
  it's
• 7:38
  just
• 7:38
  not
• 7:39
  coming,
• 7:39
  not
• 7:40
  on
• 7:40
  the
• 7:40
  level
• 7:40
  that
• 7:41
  you
• 7:41
  want
• 7:41
  or
• 7:42
  deserve
• 7:43
  Because
• 7:43
  the
• 7:43
  people
• 7:44
  around
• 7:44
  you
• 7:44
  have
• 7:44
  learned
• 7:45
  that
• 7:46
  you'll
• 7:46
  keep
• 7:46
  delivering
• 7:47
  whether
• 7:48
  they
• 7:48
  say
• 7:48
  anything
• 7:49
  or
• 7:49
  not.
• 7:50
  You've
• 7:50
  trained
• 7:51
  them
• 7:51
  and
• 7:52
  well.
• 7:53
  The
• 7:53
  people
• 7:53
  who
• 7:54
  got
• 7:54
  a
• 7:54
  deal
• 7:54
  from
• 7:55
  you
• 7:55
  are
• 7:55
  not
• 7:55
  losing
• 7:56
  sleep
• 7:56
  over
• 7:56
  it.
• 7:57
  They
• 7:57
  cashed
• 7:58
  out
• 7:58
  and
• 7:58
  kept
• 7:59
  it
• 7:59
  moving,
• 8:00
  but
• 8:00
  you
• 8:00
  carried
• 8:01
  it,
• 8:01
  and
• 8:02
  this
• 8:03
  is
• 8:03
  where
• 8:03
  you
• 8:04
  put
• 8:04
  it
• 8:04
  down
• 8:05
  And
• 8:05
  oh,
• 8:06
  Lord.
• 8:08
  Let's
• 8:08
  talk
• 8:08
  about
• 8:09
  relationships,
• 8:10
  what's
• 8:10
  happening
• 8:11
  at
• 8:11
  home,
• 8:12
  in
• 8:12
  your
• 8:12
  friendships,
• 8:13
  in
• 8:13
  the
• 8:13
  closest
• 8:14
  relationships
• 8:14
  you
• 8:15
  have.
• 8:16
  Research
• 8:16
  on
• 8:17
  high-achieving
• 8:18
  women
• 8:18
  specifically,
• 8:20
  women
• 8:20
  like
• 8:21
  you,
• 8:21
  shows
• 8:22
  that
• 8:22
  success
• 8:23
  does
• 8:23
  not
• 8:23
  reduce
• 8:24
  your
• 8:24
  emotional
• 8:25
  load
• 8:25
  at
• 8:25
  home.
• 8:26
  For
• 8:26
  most
• 8:27
  women,
• 8:27
  it
• 8:27
  actually
• 8:28
  increases
• 8:29
  it.
• 8:30
  You're
• 8:30
  managing
• 8:31
  your
• 8:31
  career,
• 8:31
  the
• 8:32
  household,
• 8:33
  the
• 8:33
  emotional
• 8:34
  temperature
• 8:34
  of
• 8:34
  everyone
• 8:35
  in
• 8:35
  your
• 8:36
  orbit
• 8:36
  simultaneously,
• 8:38
  and
• 8:38
  because
• 8:39
  you're
• 8:39
  so
• 8:39
  capable,
• 8:40
  it
• 8:40
  just
• 8:40
  looks
• 8:40
  like
• 8:41
  you
• 8:41
  got
• 8:41
  it
• 8:42
  handled
• 8:42
  And
• 8:42
  at
• 8:43
  work,
• 8:43
  your
• 8:44
  time
• 8:44
  is
• 8:44
  explicitly
• 8:46
  valued.
• 8:47
  People
• 8:47
  schedule
• 8:48
  meetings
• 8:48
  to
• 8:48
  access
• 8:49
  your
• 8:49
  thinking.
• 8:50
  Your
• 8:50
  output
• 8:51
  gets
• 8:51
  recognized,
• 8:52
  rewarded,
• 8:53
  documented.
• 8:54
  But
• 8:54
  at
• 8:54
  home,
• 8:55
  that
• 8:56
  same
• 8:56
  capacity
• 8:57
  gets
• 8:57
  treated
• 8:57
  like
• 8:58
  it's
• 8:58
  just
• 8:58
  what
• 8:58
  you
• 8:59
  do.
• 8:59
  It's
• 9:00
  automatic,
• 9:01
  infinite,
• 9:01
  without
• 9:02
  cost.
• 9:03
  You
• 9:03
  are
• 9:03
  the
• 9:04
  one
• 9:04
  remembering
• 9:05
  everything,
• 9:06
  the
• 9:06
  appointments,
• 9:07
  the
• 9:07
  preferences,
• 9:08
  unspoken
• 9:09
  needs,
• 9:10
  the
• 9:10
  thank
• 9:10
  you
• 9:11
  notes
• 9:11
  that
• 9:11
  need
• 9:11
  to
• 9:11
  go
• 9:11
  out,
• 9:12
  the
• 9:12
  follow-up
• 9:13
  that
• 9:13
  nobody
• 9:13
  else
• 9:14
  is
• 9:14
  gonna
• 9:14
  do.
• 9:15
  You
• 9:15
  are
• 9:15
  the
• 9:15
  friend
• 9:16
  who
• 9:16
  always
• 9:17
  shows
• 9:18
  up
• 9:18
  The
• 9:18
  partner
• 9:19
  who
• 9:19
  swallows
• 9:20
  what
• 9:20
  she
• 9:20
  needs
• 9:21
  so
• 9:21
  that
• 9:22
  she
• 9:22
  doesn't
• 9:22
  come
• 9:22
  across
• 9:23
  as
• 9:23
  too
• 9:23
  much.
• 9:24
  And
• 9:24
  because
• 9:25
  you
• 9:25
  never
• 9:25
  show
• 9:26
  anyone
• 9:26
  where
• 9:26
  the
• 9:27
  line
• 9:27
  is,
• 9:28
  They
• 9:28
  never
• 9:29
  learn
• 9:29
  where
• 9:30
  it
• 9:30
  is.
• 9:31
  And
• 9:31
  I
• 9:31
  say
• 9:31
  this
• 9:32
  so
• 9:32
  gently
• 9:33
  because
• 9:33
  it
• 9:33
  matters.
• 9:35
  It's
• 9:35
  not
• 9:35
  always
• 9:36
  that
• 9:36
  people
• 9:37
  around
• 9:37
  you
• 9:37
  are
• 9:37
  selfish.
• 9:39
  You
• 9:39
  just
• 9:39
  so
• 9:40
  happen
• 9:40
  to
• 9:40
  have
• 9:40
  negotiated
• 9:41
  the
• 9:41
  line
• 9:42
  away
• 9:43
  before
• 9:43
  they
• 9:44
  arrived.
• 9:45
  You
• 9:45
  ordered
• 9:45
  the
• 9:46
  deal.
• 9:46
  They
• 9:47
  accepted
• 9:47
  it
• 9:48
  Listen,
• 9:49
  Mary
• 9:49
  J
• 9:50
  gave
• 9:50
  and
• 9:51
  gave
• 9:51
  and
• 9:51
  gave
• 9:52
  until
• 9:52
  she
• 9:53
  had
• 9:53
  nothing
• 9:54
  left,
• 9:54
  and
• 9:54
  the
• 9:54
  world
• 9:55
  kept
• 9:55
  receiving
• 9:56
  it
• 9:56
  like
• 9:56
  it
• 9:56
  was
• 9:57
  just
• 9:57
  what
• 9:57
  she
• 9:58
  did,
• 9:58
  like
• 9:58
  she
• 9:59
  was
• 9:59
  a
• 9:59
  source
• 10:00
  that
• 10:00
  never
• 10:00
  ran
• 10:01
  dry.
• 10:02
  That's
• 10:02
  when
• 10:03
  she
• 10:03
  hit
• 10:03
  us
• 10:03
  with
• 10:04
  the,
• 10:04
  "All
• 10:04
  I
• 10:04
  really
• 10:05
  want
• 10:05
  is
• 10:06
  to
• 10:06
  be
• 10:06
  happy."
• 10:09
  And
• 10:10
  friend,
• 10:10
  you
• 10:11
  are
• 10:11
  not
• 10:11
  a
• 10:11
  source
• 10:12
  That
• 10:12
  never
• 10:12
  runs
• 10:13
  dry
• 10:13
  either.
• 10:14
  And
• 10:15
  the
• 10:15
  people
• 10:15
  in
• 10:15
  the
• 10:15
  closest
• 10:16
  relationships
• 10:17
  to
• 10:17
  you
• 10:18
  deserve
• 10:19
  to
• 10:19
  actually
• 10:19
  know
• 10:19
  that
• 10:20
  And
• 10:20
  this
• 10:21
  third
• 10:21
  one
• 10:21
  goes
• 10:22
  the
• 10:22
  deepest.
• 10:24
  This
• 10:24
  is
• 10:24
  the
• 10:24
  one
• 10:25
  I
• 10:25
  encourage
• 10:26
  you
• 10:26
  to
• 10:26
  sit
• 10:27
  with
• 10:27
  a
• 10:27
  little
• 10:28
  longer.
• 10:29
  When
• 10:29
  you
• 10:29
  spend
• 10:29
  years
• 10:30
  showing
• 10:31
  people
• 10:31
  the
• 10:31
  pre-approved
• 10:33
  version
• 10:33
  of
• 10:33
  yourself,
• 10:34
  The
• 10:34
  one
• 10:35
  who
• 10:35
  doesn't
• 10:35
  need
• 10:36
  too
• 10:36
  much,
• 10:36
  want
• 10:37
  too
• 10:37
  much,
• 10:37
  and
• 10:38
  ain't
• 10:38
  gonna
• 10:38
  be
• 10:38
  too
• 10:38
  much.
• 10:39
  Something
• 10:40
  starts
• 10:40
  to
• 10:40
  happen
• 10:41
  quietly
• 10:42
  on
• 10:42
  the
• 10:42
  inside.
• 10:43
  You
• 10:44
  start
• 10:44
  to
• 10:44
  lose
• 10:45
  the
• 10:45
  thread
• 10:46
  back
• 10:46
  to
• 10:46
  yourself
• 10:47
  Not
• 10:48
  all
• 10:48
  at
• 10:48
  once,
• 10:49
  just
• 10:49
  slowly
• 10:50
  over
• 10:50
  time.
• 10:51
  And
• 10:52
  the
• 10:52
  more
• 10:52
  that
• 10:52
  you
• 10:52
  edit
• 10:53
  yourself,
• 10:54
  it
• 10:54
  gets
• 10:54
  so
• 10:54
  practiced
• 10:55
  that
• 10:55
  you
• 10:56
  genuinely
• 10:56
  start
• 10:57
  to
• 10:57
  lose
• 10:57
  track
• 10:58
  of
• 10:58
  what
• 10:58
  you
• 10:59
  really
• 10:59
  want,
• 10:59
  what
• 11:00
  you
• 11:00
  actually
• 11:00
  feel,
• 11:01
  what
• 11:02
  you
• 11:02
  would
• 11:02
  ask
• 11:02
  for
• 11:03
  if
• 11:03
  you
• 11:03
  trusted
• 11:04
  yourself
• 11:04
  enough
• 11:05
  to
• 11:06
  ask.
• 11:07
  You
• 11:07
  have
• 11:07
  the
• 11:07
  title,
• 11:08
  you
• 11:08
  have
• 11:08
  the
• 11:08
  record,
• 11:09
  you
• 11:10
  have
• 11:10
  the
• 11:10
  accomplishments
• 11:11
  that
• 11:11
  are
• 11:11
  supposed
• 11:12
  to
• 11:12
  mean
• 11:12
  something,
• 11:13
  And
• 11:14
  yet
• 11:14
  there's
• 11:15
  this
• 11:15
  low
• 11:16
  hum
• 11:16
  underneath
• 11:17
  all
• 11:17
  of
• 11:17
  it
• 11:18
  that
• 11:18
  says,
• 11:19
  "But
• 11:20
  is
• 11:20
  this
• 11:21
  actually
• 11:21
  me,
• 11:22
  or
• 11:23
  is
• 11:23
  this
• 11:23
  just
• 11:24
  another
• 11:24
  version
• 11:25
  I
• 11:25
  performed
• 11:26
  really
• 11:26
  well?"
• 11:27
  There's
• 11:28
  research
• 11:29
  on
• 11:29
  this
• 11:29
  too,
• 11:30
  and
• 11:30
  it's
• 11:30
  uncomfortably
• 11:32
  accurate
• 11:32
  It
• 11:33
  describes
• 11:33
  women
• 11:34
  who
• 11:34
  have
• 11:34
  spent
• 11:34
  years
• 11:35
  adapting,
• 11:36
  over-functioning,
• 11:37
  and
• 11:37
  being
• 11:38
  the
• 11:38
  strong
• 11:38
  one,
• 11:39
  and
• 11:39
  how
• 11:39
  they
• 11:40
  become
• 11:40
  highly
• 11:41
  capable
• 11:41
  and
• 11:42
  quietly
• 11:42
  disconnected
• 11:44
  at
• 11:44
  the
• 11:44
  exact
• 11:44
  same
• 11:45
  time.
• 11:45
  What
• 11:46
  once
• 11:46
  looked
• 11:47
  like
• 11:47
  responsibility
• 11:48
  starts
• 11:48
  to
• 11:48
  feel
• 11:49
  like
• 11:49
  over-functioning.
• 11:50
  What
• 11:50
  used
• 11:51
  to
• 11:51
  pass
• 11:51
  as
• 11:52
  kindness
• 11:53
  starts
• 11:53
  to
• 11:53
  feel
• 11:53
  like
• 11:54
  self-silencing.
• 11:55
  The
• 11:56
  strength
• 11:56
  everyone
• 11:57
  praised
• 11:57
  you
• 11:57
  for
• 11:58
  starts
• 11:59
  to
• 11:59
  feel
• 11:59
  like
• 11:59
  you're
• 11:59
  carrying
• 12:00
  too
• 12:00
  much
• 12:01
  alone.
• 12:01
  It's
• 12:02
  what
• 12:02
  happens
• 12:02
  when
• 12:03
  you've
• 12:03
  been
• 12:03
  so
• 12:03
  busy
• 12:04
  being
• 12:04
  who
• 12:05
  everyone
• 12:05
  else
• 12:06
  needed
• 12:06
  you
• 12:07
  to
• 12:07
  be
• 12:07
  that
• 12:08
  you
• 12:08
  have
• 12:08
  not
• 12:08
  yet
• 12:09
  had
• 12:09
  a
• 12:09
  real
• 12:10
  honest
• 12:10
  conversation
• 12:11
  with
• 12:11
  yourself
• 12:12
  in
• 12:13
  a
• 12:13
  really
• 12:13
  long
• 12:13
  time.
• 12:14
  Mary
• 12:15
  didn't
• 12:15
  become
• 12:15
  iconic
• 12:16
  by
• 12:16
  performing
• 12:17
  through
• 12:18
  the
• 12:18
  pain
• 12:18
  forever.
• 12:20
  She
• 12:20
  became
• 12:20
  iconic
• 12:21
  the
• 12:21
  moment
• 12:22
  she
• 12:22
  stopped,
• 12:23
  when
• 12:23
  she
• 12:23
  told
• 12:24
  the
• 12:24
  truth
• 12:25
  about
• 12:25
  her
• 12:25
  healing
• 12:26
  when
• 12:27
  she
• 12:27
  made
• 12:27
  music
• 12:27
  for
• 12:28
  herself
• 12:28
  first
• 12:29
  and
• 12:29
  let
• 12:30
  the
• 12:30
  rest
• 12:30
  of
• 12:30
  us
• 12:30
  catch
• 12:31
  up
• 12:31
  to
• 12:31
  it.
• 12:32
  That
• 12:32
  is
• 12:32
  the
• 12:32
  era
• 12:33
  that
• 12:33
  you're
• 12:34
  stepping
• 12:34
  into
• 12:34
  right
• 12:35
  now.
• 12:35
  Not
• 12:36
  the
• 12:36
  performing
• 12:37
  one,
• 12:37
  but
• 12:38
  the
• 12:38
  true
• 12:38
  one
• 12:39
  So
• 12:39
  let's
• 12:39
  really
• 12:40
  dig
• 12:40
  in
• 12:40
  deeper
• 12:41
  to
• 12:41
  the
• 12:41
  root
• 12:41
  real
• 12:42
  quick
• 12:42
  because
• 12:43
  this
• 12:43
  didn't
• 12:44
  just
• 12:44
  start
• 12:44
  at
• 12:45
  work
• 12:45
  or
• 12:45
  in
• 12:45
  your
• 12:45
  marriage
• 12:46
  or
• 12:46
  friendships.
• 12:47
  For
• 12:47
  most
• 12:48
  of
• 12:48
  us,
• 12:48
  this
• 12:49
  started
• 12:49
  when
• 12:49
  we
• 12:49
  were
• 12:50
  little
• 12:50
  girls
• 12:51
  in
• 12:51
  the
• 12:51
  very
• 12:51
  place
• 12:52
  where
• 12:52
  we
• 12:52
  learned
• 12:53
  what
• 12:53
  wanting
• 12:54
  something
• 12:54
  actually
• 12:55
  cost
• 12:55
  us
• 12:56
  Maybe
• 12:56
  you
• 12:57
  grew
• 12:57
  up
• 12:57
  in
• 12:57
  a
• 12:57
  home
• 12:58
  where
• 12:58
  your
• 12:58
  needs
• 12:59
  were
• 12:59
  inconveniences,
• 13:00
  where
• 13:01
  asking
• 13:01
  too
• 13:01
  much
• 13:02
  meant
• 13:02
  a
• 13:02
  sigh
• 13:03
  of
• 13:03
  irritation
• 13:04
  or
• 13:04
  silence
• 13:05
  that
• 13:05
  made
• 13:05
  you
• 13:05
  feel
• 13:06
  like
• 13:06
  a
• 13:06
  burden.
• 13:07
  Maybe
• 13:07
  love
• 13:08
  felt
• 13:08
  like
• 13:08
  something
• 13:09
  that
• 13:10
  could
• 13:10
  be
• 13:10
  reduced
• 13:11
  if
• 13:11
  you
• 13:11
  pushed
• 13:12
  too
• 13:12
  hard,
• 13:13
  And
• 13:13
  so
• 13:13
  you
• 13:13
  learn
• 13:14
  the
• 13:14
  way
• 13:14
  smart,
• 13:15
  perceptive,
• 13:16
  emotionally
• 13:16
  intelligent
• 13:18
  little
• 13:18
  girls
• 13:18
  learn.
• 13:19
  You
• 13:19
  learn
• 13:20
  to
• 13:20
  want
• 13:20
  quietly,
• 13:21
  to
• 13:22
  make
• 13:22
  your
• 13:22
  desires
• 13:23
  small
• 13:23
  and
• 13:24
  deniable
• 13:25
  so
• 13:25
  that
• 13:25
  if
• 13:25
  they
• 13:26
  were
• 13:26
  not
• 13:26
  met,
• 13:27
  then
• 13:27
  you
• 13:27
  could
• 13:27
  just
• 13:27
  pretend
• 13:28
  that
• 13:28
  you
• 13:28
  didn't
• 13:29
  really
• 13:29
  want
• 13:29
  it
• 13:29
  that
• 13:29
  badly
• 13:30
  anyway.
• 13:31
  That
• 13:31
  wasn't
• 13:32
  weakness,
• 13:32
  it
• 13:32
  was
• 13:32
  protection,
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  only
• 13:34
  strategy
• 13:35
  available
• 13:35
  to
• 13:36
  you
• 13:36
  at
• 13:36
  the
• 13:36
  time.
• 13:37
  And
• 13:37
  while
• 13:38
  you
• 13:38
  are
• 13:39
  not
• 13:39
  that
• 13:39
  little
• 13:40
  girl
• 13:40
  anymore
• 13:41
  She's
• 13:41
  still
• 13:42
  in
• 13:42
  there,
• 13:43
  but
• 13:43
  she
• 13:43
  hasn't
• 13:44
  recognized
• 13:44
  the
• 13:45
  thread
• 13:45
  is
• 13:45
  not
• 13:45
  the
• 13:45
  same,
• 13:46
  the
• 13:47
  room
• 13:47
  is
• 13:47
  not
• 13:48
  the
• 13:48
  same,
• 13:49
  and
• 13:49
  yet
• 13:49
  you're
• 13:49
  still
• 13:50
  running
• 13:50
  that
• 13:50
  same
• 13:51
  software
• 13:52
  in
• 13:52
  your
• 13:52
  boardroom,
• 13:53
  bedroom,
• 13:54
  and
• 13:54
  everywhere
• 13:54
  in
• 13:54
  between.
• 13:55
  It's
• 13:55
  not
• 13:56
  a
• 13:56
  question
• 13:56
  of
• 13:57
  whether
• 13:57
  you're
• 13:57
  capable
• 13:58
  of
• 13:58
  more.
• 13:58
  The
• 13:59
  question
• 13:59
  then
• 13:59
  becomes,
• 14:00
  why
• 14:01
  do
• 14:01
  you
• 14:01
  keep
• 14:01
  acting
• 14:02
  like
• 14:02
  you
• 14:02
  have
• 14:02
  to
• 14:03
  earn
• 14:03
  the
• 14:03
  right
• 14:04
  to
• 14:04
  want
• 14:05
  it?
• 14:05
  And
• 14:06
  this
• 14:06
  is
• 14:06
  where
• 14:06
  it
• 14:06
  really
• 14:06
  gets
• 14:07
  good
• 14:07
  because
• 14:07
  it
• 14:07
  doesn't
• 14:08
  always
• 14:08
  start
• 14:08
  with
• 14:09
  the
• 14:09
  scary
• 14:09
  conversation
• 14:10
  or
• 14:11
  charging
• 14:12
  a
• 14:12
  higher
• 14:12
  rate
• 14:13
  or
• 14:13
  even
• 14:14
  the
• 14:14
  boundary
• 14:14
  that
• 14:15
  you've
• 14:15
  been
• 14:15
  avoiding.
• 14:16
  It
• 14:16
  starts
• 14:17
  in
• 14:17
  the
• 14:17
  moment
• 14:18
  right
• 14:18
  before
• 14:19
  you
• 14:20
  edit
• 14:20
  yourself.
• 14:21
  You
• 14:22
  know
• 14:22
  that
• 14:22
  moment.
• 14:23
  It's
• 14:23
  the
• 14:23
  flicker,
• 14:24
  the
• 14:24
  half
• 14:25
  second
• 14:25
  where
• 14:25
  you
• 14:26
  know,
• 14:26
  you
• 14:26
  actually
• 14:27
  know
• 14:28
  what
• 14:28
  you
• 14:28
  want
• 14:29
  to
• 14:29
  say,
• 14:29
  what
• 14:29
  you
• 14:30
  wanna
• 14:30
  charge,
• 14:30
  what
• 14:30
  you
• 14:31
  wanna
• 14:31
  ask
• 14:31
  for,
• 14:32
  and
• 14:32
  then
• 14:32
  your
• 14:32
  brain
• 14:33
  quickly
• 14:34
  now,
• 14:34
  quickly,
• 14:37
  offers
• 14:38
  you
• 14:38
  a
• 14:38
  softer
• 14:39
  version,
• 14:39
  the
• 14:40
  one
• 14:40
  that
• 14:40
  will
• 14:40
  not
• 14:41
  rock
• 14:41
  the
• 14:41
  boat.
• 14:42
  That
• 14:42
  flicker
• 14:43
  is
• 14:43
  where
• 14:43
  the
• 14:43
  work
• 14:44
  lives,
• 14:45
  not
• 14:45
  in
• 14:45
  suppressing
• 14:46
  it
• 14:46
  or
• 14:46
  forcing
• 14:47
  yourself
• 14:47
  to
• 14:48
  say
• 14:48
  the
• 14:48
  scary
• 14:48
  thing
• 14:49
  before
• 14:49
  you're
• 14:49
  ready,
• 14:51
  but
• 14:51
  in
• 14:51
  noticing
• 14:52
  it
• 14:53
  and
• 14:53
  naming
• 14:53
  it
• 14:54
  out
• 14:54
  loud,
• 14:54
  if
• 14:55
  only
• 14:55
  that
• 14:56
  is
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  you.
• 14:57
  Because
• 14:57
  this
• 14:58
  is
• 14:58
  where
• 14:58
  fear
• 14:59
  in
• 14:59
  the
• 14:59
  perfectly
• 15:00
  polished
• 15:00
  pencil
• 15:01
  skirt
• 15:02
  shows
• 15:02
  up
• 15:03
  and
• 15:03
  has
• 15:04
  been
• 15:04
  running
• 15:04
  the
• 15:04
  meeting
• 15:05
  for
• 15:05
  way
• 15:05
  too
• 15:06
  long.
• 15:06
  What
• 15:06
  starts
• 15:07
  to
• 15:07
  shift
• 15:08
  is
• 15:08
  you.
• 15:09
  The
• 15:09
  moment
• 15:10
  you
• 15:10
  stop
• 15:10
  justifying
• 15:11
  your
• 15:11
  wants
• 15:12
  before
• 15:13
  they
• 15:13
  even
• 15:13
  get
• 15:13
  rejected
• 15:14
  If
• 15:14
  someone
• 15:15
  pushes
• 15:15
  back,
• 15:16
  you
• 15:16
  can
• 15:16
  offer
• 15:17
  a
• 15:17
  deeper
• 15:18
  explanation,
• 15:19
  but
• 15:19
  you
• 15:19
  don't
• 15:20
  owe
• 15:20
  a
• 15:21
  preemptive
• 15:22
  defense
• 15:22
  just
• 15:23
  for
• 15:23
  knowing
• 15:24
  what
• 15:24
  you
• 15:24
  want
• 15:25
  This
• 15:25
  is
• 15:25
  your
• 15:26
  want.
• 15:26
  You
• 15:26
  are
• 15:27
  allowed
• 15:27
  to
• 15:27
  have
• 15:28
  it
• 15:28
  at
• 15:29
  full
• 15:29
  volume.
• 15:30
  You
• 15:31
  let
• 15:31
  the
• 15:31
  discomfort
• 15:32
  of
• 15:32
  asking
• 15:33
  just
• 15:34
  sit
• 15:35
  there
• 15:36
  without
• 15:36
  fixing
• 15:37
  it.
• 15:37
  The
• 15:37
  discomfort
• 15:38
  you
• 15:38
  feel
• 15:39
  after
• 15:39
  asking
• 15:40
  for
• 15:40
  something
• 15:41
  real
• 15:42
  is
• 15:42
  not
• 15:42
  evidence
• 15:43
  that
• 15:43
  you
• 15:43
  asked
• 15:44
  wrong.
• 15:44
  It's
• 15:45
  just
• 15:45
  unfamiliar
• 15:46
  This
• 15:47
  is
• 15:47
  where
• 15:47
  you
• 15:47
  breathe
• 15:48
  through
• 15:49
  it.
• 15:49
  You
• 15:50
  don't
• 15:50
  have
• 15:50
  to
• 15:51
  immediately
• 15:52
  lower
• 15:52
  the
• 15:52
  ask
• 15:53
  to
• 15:53
  make
• 15:54
  the
• 15:54
  feeling
• 15:54
  go
• 15:54
  away.
• 15:55
  And
• 15:55
  listen,
• 15:56
  this
• 15:56
  is
• 15:56
  special
• 15:57
  for
• 15:57
  the
• 15:57
  woman
• 15:57
  who
• 15:58
  has
• 15:58
  been
• 15:58
  high
• 15:58
  functioning
• 15:59
  her
• 15:59
  way
• 15:59
  through
• 16:00
  all
• 16:00
  of
• 16:00
  this.
• 16:01
  You
• 16:01
  start
• 16:02
  getting
• 16:03
  honest
• 16:03
  about
• 16:04
  what
• 16:04
  you've
• 16:05
  been
• 16:05
  calling
• 16:05
  fine,
• 16:06
  because
• 16:07
  fine
• 16:07
  has
• 16:08
  never
• 16:08
  been
• 16:08
  the
• 16:08
  goal
• 16:09
  actually
• 16:10
  met
• 16:11
  in
• 16:12
  your
• 16:12
  work,
• 16:13
  in
• 16:13
  how
• 16:13
  you
• 16:13
  see
• 16:14
  yourself.
• 16:15
  That
• 16:16
  is
• 16:16
  the
• 16:16
  goal.
• 16:17
  listen,
• 16:18
  you
• 16:18
  not
• 16:18
  gonna
• 16:18
  get
• 16:19
  there
• 16:19
  through
• 16:19
  that
• 16:19
  pre-approved,
• 16:21
  already
• 16:21
  edited,
• 16:22
  and
• 16:22
  negotiated
• 16:23
  version
• 16:23
  of
• 16:24
  yourself.
• 16:25
  Mary
• 16:25
  did
• 16:25
  not
• 16:26
  get
• 16:26
  her
• 16:26
  flowers
• 16:27
  by
• 16:27
  making
• 16:27
  herself
• 16:28
  easier
• 16:28
  for
• 16:28
  the
• 16:29
  industry
• 16:29
  to
• 16:29
  handle.
• 16:30
  She
• 16:30
  got
• 16:31
  them
• 16:31
  by
• 16:31
  finally
• 16:32
  refusing
• 16:33
  to
• 16:33
  perform
• 16:34
  through
• 16:35
  pain
• 16:36
  anymore
• 16:37
  and
• 16:37
  chose
• 16:38
  to
• 16:38
  share
• 16:38
  the
• 16:38
  truth
• 16:39
  of
• 16:39
  her
• 16:39
  healing
• 16:40
  instead.
• 16:41
  That
• 16:43
  is
• 16:43
  the
• 16:43
  energy.
• 16:44
  That
• 16:45
  is
• 16:45
  the
• 16:46
  shift
• 16:49
  Okay,
• 16:49
  friend,
• 16:50
  to
• 16:50
  go
• 16:50
  deeper
• 16:51
  on
• 16:51
  today's
• 16:51
  episode,
• 16:52
  I
• 16:52
  got
• 16:52
  journal
• 16:53
  prompts
• 16:53
  for
• 16:53
  you
• 16:54
  awaiting
• 16:54
  in
• 16:54
  the
• 16:54
  show
• 16:54
  notes.
• 16:55
  They
• 16:55
  help
• 16:56
  you
• 16:56
  get
• 16:56
  clear
• 16:57
  on
• 16:57
  your
• 16:57
  worth,
• 16:58
  honoring
• 16:59
  yourself
• 16:59
  now,
• 17:00
  and
• 17:00
  how
• 17:00
  to
• 17:01
  start
• 17:01
  intentionally
• 17:02
  curating
• 17:03
  a
• 17:03
  life
• 17:04
  you
• 17:04
  love
• 17:04
  from
• 17:05
  that
• 17:05
  place,
• 17:06
  okay?
• 17:07
  The
• 17:07
  link
• 17:07
  is
• 17:07
  in
• 17:07
  the
• 17:07
  show
• 17:08
  notes,
• 17:08
  so
• 17:08
  grab
• 17:09
  it
• 17:09
  because
• 17:09
  this
• 17:10
  has
• 17:10
  your
• 17:11
  next
• 17:11
  step
• 17:11
  written
• 17:12
  all
• 17:12
  over
• 17:13
  it
• 17:15
  And
• 17:16
  now
• 17:16
  it's
• 17:16
  time
• 17:16
  for
• 17:16
  our
• 17:17
  favorite,
• 17:17
  the
• 17:18
  self-love
• 17:19
  two-step
• 17:19
  with
• 17:20
  the
• 17:20
  remix.
• 17:22
  Here
• 17:23
  we
• 17:23
  go.
• 17:23
  Step
• 17:24
  one,
• 17:24
  catch
• 17:25
  the
• 17:25
  flicker.
• 17:26
  Yes,
• 17:27
  in
• 17:27
  the
• 17:27
  next
• 17:28
  24
• 17:28
  hours,
• 17:29
  notice
• 17:30
  the
• 17:30
  moment
• 17:30
  right
• 17:31
  before
• 17:32
  you
• 17:32
  start
• 17:32
  to
• 17:32
  downplay
• 17:33
  yourself
• 17:34
  in
• 17:34
  a
• 17:34
  conversation,
• 17:35
  in
• 17:35
  price,
• 17:36
  in
• 17:36
  a
• 17:37
  need
• 17:37
  you
• 17:37
  almost
• 17:38
  said
• 17:38
  out
• 17:38
  loud
• 17:39
  and
• 17:39
  then
• 17:39
  swallowed
• 17:40
  it.
• 17:40
  You
• 17:41
  do
• 17:41
  not
• 17:41
  need
• 17:42
  to
• 17:42
  change
• 17:42
  anything
• 17:43
  just
• 17:43
  yet,
• 17:44
  okay?
• 17:45
  This
• 17:45
  is
• 17:45
  where
• 17:46
  you
• 17:46
  notice
• 17:47
  and
• 17:47
  name
• 17:47
  it
• 17:48
  That
• 17:48
  awareness
• 17:49
  is
• 17:49
  where
• 17:49
  everything
• 17:50
  starts.
• 17:51
  And
• 17:51
  then
• 17:52
  step
• 17:52
  two,
• 17:53
  say
• 17:53
  the
• 17:54
  real
• 17:54
  thing
• 17:55
  to
• 17:55
  yourself
• 17:56
  first
• 17:58
  before
• 17:58
  you
• 17:58
  bring
• 17:59
  anyone
• 17:59
  else
• 18:00
  into
• 18:00
  this
• 18:01
  new
• 18:02
  Straight
• 18:02
  up,
• 18:02
  no
• 18:02
  chaser
• 18:03
  version
• 18:03
  of
• 18:03
  you.
• 18:06
  Say
• 18:06
  what
• 18:06
  you
• 18:07
  actually
• 18:07
  want,
• 18:08
  even
• 18:08
  if
• 18:08
  that's
• 18:08
  out
• 18:09
  loud
• 18:09
  or
• 18:09
  in
• 18:10
  your
• 18:10
  journal
• 18:10
  or
• 18:11
  even
• 18:11
  to
• 18:12
  yourself
• 18:12
  in
• 18:13
  the
• 18:13
  mirror
• 18:13
  first.
• 18:14
  You
• 18:14
  do
• 18:15
  not
• 18:15
  have
• 18:15
  to
• 18:15
  act
• 18:16
  on
• 18:16
  it
• 18:16
  immediately,
• 18:17
  but
• 18:18
  stop
• 18:18
  pretending
• 18:20
  that
• 18:21
  you
• 18:21
  don't
• 18:21
  know
• 18:21
  what
• 18:21
  you
• 18:22
  want.
• 18:22
  You
• 18:23
  know.
• 18:24
  Let
• 18:25
  yourself
• 18:25
  know
• 18:26
  that
• 18:26
  you
• 18:27
  know
• 18:27
  that
• 18:27
  you
• 18:27
  know
• 18:27
  that
• 18:28
  you
• 18:28
  know.
• 18:31
  And
• 18:31
  step
• 18:32
  three,
• 18:32
  this
• 18:33
  is
• 18:33
  the
• 18:34
  you
• 18:34
  step.
• 18:35
  You
• 18:35
  get
• 18:35
  still,
• 18:36
  you
• 18:36
  get
• 18:36
  quiet,
• 18:37
  and
• 18:38
  then
• 18:38
  you
• 18:38
  ask
• 18:38
  yourself,
• 18:39
  "What
• 18:40
  is
• 18:40
  my
• 18:40
  heart
• 18:41
  telling
• 18:41
  me
• 18:42
  to
• 18:42
  do
• 18:42
  next?"
• 18:43
  Whatever
• 18:44
  comes
• 18:44
  up,
• 18:45
  that
• 18:46
  is
• 18:46
  your
• 18:46
  next
• 18:47
  right
• 18:47
  aligned
• 18:47
  step.
• 18:48
  It
• 18:48
  doesn't
• 18:49
  have
• 18:49
  to
• 18:49
  be
• 18:49
  the
• 18:49
  whole
• 18:50
  plan,
• 18:50
  just
• 18:51
  the
• 18:51
  next
• 18:51
  move.
• 18:52
  And
• 18:53
  trust
• 18:53
  yourself,
• 18:54
  friend.
• 18:55
  She
• 18:55
  already
• 18:56
  knows
• 18:57
  Now
• 18:58
  let
• 18:58
  me
• 18:58
  pour
• 18:59
  into
• 18:59
  you
• 18:59
  real
• 18:59
  quick.
• 19:00
  Your
• 19:01
  worth
• 19:02
  is
• 19:02
  not
• 19:03
  a
• 19:03
  starting
• 19:03
  point
• 19:04
  for
• 19:04
  negotiation.
• 19:06
  It's
• 19:06
  not
• 19:07
  a
• 19:07
  number
• 19:07
  you
• 19:07
  name
• 19:08
  and
• 19:08
  then
• 19:08
  immediately
• 19:09
  undercut
• 19:10
  because
• 19:11
  the
• 19:11
  silence
• 19:12
  stretched
• 19:12
  a
• 19:12
  beat
• 19:13
  too
• 19:13
  long
• 19:14
  or
• 19:14
  someone's
• 19:15
  face
• 19:15
  did
• 19:16
  something
• 19:16
  that
• 19:16
  you
• 19:17
  read
• 19:17
  and
• 19:17
  felt
• 19:17
  some
• 19:17
  type
• 19:18
  of
• 19:18
  way
• 19:19
  You
• 19:20
  have
• 19:20
  been
• 19:21
  the
• 19:21
  woman
• 19:21
  who
• 19:22
  delivers,
• 19:23
  the
• 19:23
  one
• 19:23
  who
• 19:24
  holds
• 19:24
  it
• 19:24
  all
• 19:25
  together,
• 19:26
  the
• 19:26
  one
• 19:26
  everyone
• 19:27
  knows
• 19:28
  they
• 19:28
  can
• 19:28
  count
• 19:28
  on.
• 19:29
  And
• 19:29
  somewhere
• 19:31
  in
• 19:31
  all
• 19:31
  of
• 19:31
  that
• 19:31
  showing
• 19:32
  up,
• 19:33
  you
• 19:33
  stop
• 19:33
  showing
• 19:34
  up
• 19:34
  for
• 19:34
  yourself
• 19:35
  Today
• 19:36
  is
• 19:36
  a
• 19:37
  good
• 19:37
  day
• 19:37
  to
• 19:37
  change
• 19:37
  that.
• 19:38
  Start
• 19:39
  where
• 19:39
  you
• 19:40
  want.
• 19:41
  It
• 19:41
  can
• 19:41
  be
• 19:41
  a
• 19:41
  grand
• 19:42
  gesture
• 19:42
  or
• 19:43
  a
• 19:43
  bold
• 19:43
  declaration.
• 19:45
  It
• 19:45
  might
• 19:45
  even
• 19:45
  be
• 19:46
  a
• 19:46
  quiet
• 19:47
  whisper
• 19:48
  to
• 19:48
  yourself.
• 19:49
  Just
• 19:50
  allow
• 19:50
  it
• 19:50
  to
• 19:51
  be
• 19:51
  one
• 19:52
  honest
• 19:52
  moment
• 19:53
  the
• 19:53
  next
• 19:54
  time
• 19:54
  that
• 19:55
  flicker
• 19:55
  shows
• 19:56
  up.
• 19:57
  You
• 19:57
  are
• 19:57
  worthy
• 19:59
  of
• 19:59
  what
• 19:59
  you
• 19:59
  want.
• 20:00
  Your
• 20:01
  desires
• 20:01
  are
• 20:02
  always
• 20:02
  calling
• 20:03
  you
• 20:03
  to
• 20:03
  the
• 20:04
  best
• 20:04
  of
• 20:04
  you.
• 20:05
  Let
• 20:05
  yourself
• 20:06
  want
• 20:07
  what
• 20:07
  you
• 20:07
  want
• 20:08
  out
• 20:08
  loud
• 20:09
  without
• 20:09
  apology.
• 20:10
  Already
• 20:11
  built
• 20:11
  it
• 20:13
  Friend,
• 20:14
  you
• 20:14
  are
• 20:15
  giving
• 20:15
  full
• 20:16
  price,
• 20:17
  full
• 20:17
  value,
• 20:18
  no
• 20:18
  markdowns,
• 20:18
  no
• 20:19
  clearance
• 20:19
  rack
• 20:19
  energy,
• 20:20
  no
• 20:21
  more
• 20:21
  shrinking
• 20:21
  yourself
• 20:22
  down
• 20:22
  to
• 20:22
  make
• 20:22
  the
• 20:23
  room
• 20:23
  feel
• 20:23
  comfortable.
• 20:24
  You
• 20:25
  are
• 20:26
  the
• 20:26
  main
• 20:26
  event
• 20:27
  always.
• 20:29
  Ooh,
• 20:29
  okay,
• 20:32
  friend.
• 20:33
  Yes.
• 20:33
  Now,
• 20:33
  that
• 20:33
  is
• 20:33
  how
• 20:33
  we
• 20:34
  wrap
• 20:34
  up
• 20:34
  this
• 20:34
  episode.
• 20:36
  And
• 20:36
  if
• 20:36
  this
• 20:37
  one
• 20:37
  landed
• 20:38
  for
• 20:38
  you,
• 20:38
  drop
• 20:39
  a
• 20:39
  review.
• 20:40
  It
• 20:40
  really
• 20:41
  is
• 20:41
  the
• 20:41
  best
• 20:42
  way
• 20:42
  to
• 20:42
  say
• 20:43
  thank
• 20:43
  you,
• 20:44
  and
• 20:44
  it
• 20:44
  helps
• 20:44
  to
• 20:45
  spread
• 20:45
  this
• 20:45
  message
• 20:46
  to
• 20:46
  other
• 20:46
  women
• 20:47
  who
• 20:47
  need
• 20:48
  to
• 20:48
  hear
• 20:48
  this.
• 20:49
  Drop
• 20:49
  it
• 20:50
  in
• 20:50
  the
• 20:50
  girls'
• 20:50
  group
• 20:50
  chat
• 20:51
  with
• 20:51
  women
• 20:52
  who
• 20:52
  have
• 20:52
  been
• 20:52
  giving
• 20:53
  more,
• 20:54
  asking
• 20:54
  less,
• 20:55
  and
• 20:55
  making
• 20:56
  herself
• 20:56
  palatable,
• 20:57
  pleasant,
• 20:58
  and
• 20:58
  perfectly
• 20:59
  managed
• 21:00
  for
• 21:00
  everybody
• 21:01
  else's
• 21:01
  comfort.
• 21:02
  She
• 21:02
  needs
• 21:03
  this
• 21:03
  one.
• 21:04
  Okay,
• 21:04
  friend,
• 21:05
  I
• 21:05
  am
• 21:05
  cheering
• 21:06
  for
• 21:06
  you
• 21:06
  loud
• 21:06
  and
• 21:07
  obnoxiously
• 21:08
  always.
• 21:09
  Crown
• 21:09
  on,
• 21:10
  queen,
• 21:10
  all
• 21:11
  because
• 21:11
  together
• 21:12
  we
• 21:12
  can
• 21:13
  encourage
• 21:13
  over
• 21:14
  everything