Latest / Libido Lounge / Healing Body Image and Embracing Pleasure with Celeste and Danielle
Transcript
- 0:00If you stroke my arm, like, I can feel that in my in a way that if you touch my right away,
- 0:06nothing's gonna happen.
- 0:07In fact, the opposite is gonna happen.
- 0:09We take a couple of deep breaths And release.
- 0:21And then we've switched our point of view from the outside to the inside.
- 0:26Beautiful.
- 0:28I'm Celeste.
- 0:29And I'm Danielle.
- 0:30And we're the founders of the Somatica Institute.
- 0:32And the creators of the Somatica Method of sex and relationship coaching.
- 0:36We created the Somatica Method because we know that intimacy is at the heart of human longing
- 0:42and fulfillment.
- 0:49I see couples thinking, well, I have all these things to do.
- 0:52Sex is trivial, and it doesn't matter, and I'll just put it on the back burner, and I don't
- 0:56really need it anyway.
- 0:58And then you see them drift apart.
- 1:00I think many times, especially women, don't wanna have sex because and you call it
- 1:04vaginism.
- 1:05So, like, you know, lack of interest, like, they don't feel that level of arousal, mostly
- 1:10because they're actually not getting, well, there are a few reasons.
- 1:13One is it reduces motivation for sex if you don't get what really turns you on.
- 1:18Where is kind of the beginning part of the roadmap of of really healing the, you know,
- 1:24from a, say, body image imbalance here?
- 1:27Takes practice the same way that we practiced unconsciously.
- 1:31People often think of it as passive, and we really teach active receiving.
- 1:36Okay?
- 1:36Active receiving is where you you aren't just, like, laying there, like, hoping something will
- 1:41happen.
- 1:42I remember I was trying to help a woman orgasm for the first time, and I was just like I was
- 1:48like, okay.
- 1:48So how would you start?
- 1:50You know, she had her clothes on and everything, but she was just, like, touching
- 1:52her body.
- 1:53And she's just lying there, and she's like, yeah.
- 1:54I feel bored.
- 1:55And I'm like, yeah.
- 1:55I would be bored too.
- 1:56Sometimes the only thing that makes me cum is, like, both the the because I'm making them and
- 2:03the in my that I make because I'm actively going towards them.
- 2:08I'm going towards them.
- 2:10So it's not gonna be like an overnight of unworking it, but I do think that the place to
- 2:16start
- 2:21Before we jump into today's episode, I wanna make sure that you know about my libido quiz at
- 2:27libidoquiz.com.
- 2:29This is a free quiz I developed to help you identify missing root causes of low libido.
- 2:37When you take this quiz, you will be then given, you'll be sent information specific to
- 2:43your quiz answers, including the top tasks that may help diagnose and figure out why you have
- 2:50low libido that your doctor may not be ordering for you, as well as additional tips and tricks
- 2:56to support healthy libido, desire, intimacy, and so much more.
- 3:02So you can find that at libidoquiz.com.
- 3:07Hey, everybody.
- 3:08Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of the Libido Lounge.
- 3:13I'm your host, libido expert, doctor Diane, and we have a juicy episode here today for you.
- 3:19We're talking about body image, sensuality, how your body image can impact your sensuality, how
- 3:26sensuality can actually heal, help you heal from any body image imbalances or mental, you
- 3:34know, thoughts you have that are not serving you in this way.
- 3:37And to help us have this conversation, I'm very, very excited about our guests you just
- 3:42heard about the Celeste and doctor Danielle.
- 3:45So as you just heard, they're the the cofounders of the Somatica Institute.
- 3:50And we're gonna get really juicy today and talk about these things that I think are so common.
- 3:57Right?
- 3:58So common, especially for women, but I think for men both.
- 4:02And and so let's just start ladies, if we can.
- 4:06Let's just start with why the heck are we in at this point?
- 4:10We're in 2025.
- 4:12Right?
- 4:13We're at a point where this is not the first time that anybody has heard that, you know, we
- 4:18have to love our bodies and be kind to our bodies and all these things.
- 4:23Right?
- 4:24So why are we still in 2025 at a point where this is such a struggle for so many of us?
- 4:33Yeah.
- 4:33I feel like we still get so many messages out there.
- 4:36Imagery, you know, messages saying, like, you have to look this way and you have to look
- 4:39young forever and you have to your body has to be a particular shape and size and weight for
- 4:44you deserve any sort of joy and pleasure.
- 4:46So we're bomb we're bombarded, which is why it still happens.
- 4:50And we need to be able to create like an internal sense of self and pleasure, in order
- 4:56to like, you know, stave off all of those constant messages that we get and to actually
- 5:02just realize that we can claim our pleasure right now, and we don't have to be perfect or
- 5:07feel perfect in order to do that.
- 5:10Now I know some of
- 5:11our listeners might be thinking like, okay, like, I hear that and I've worked on, you know,
- 5:16I've worked on my body image and I work on opening a magazine and, you know, not comparing
- 5:21myself to that woman in the magazine and all these different things.
- 5:25What about though, do you guys feel that there's still a level for many of us that
- 5:31there's almost like this subconscious thing, where we we think we've done a level of work
- 5:35around like, okay, I'm not gonna identify with that girl in the photo who's been airbrushed
- 5:40and photoshopped and all the things.
- 5:43But you think that we can have then this almost, like, deeper level of, wow.
- 5:48Like, I didn't realize I had a body image issue until somebody put their hand on my thigh, and
- 5:54I cringed, you know.
- 5:55How much of this is like happening consciously versus subconsciously, I guess is my question.
- 6:02Yeah.
- 6:02So I think it happens both ways.
- 6:03It happens consciously and subconsciously and there's a little bit of a way of like we are
- 6:08trying to work on that in a cognitive way.
- 6:11I think that's not helpful.
- 6:13It's not helpful enough.
- 6:15I think like it's one thing to start to compare yourself to magazines and get and see different
- 6:21imagery, which is super important.
- 6:22It is very important to relate to different kinds of bodies because then you can find
- 6:27yourself in those bodies as opposed to just one kind of body.
- 6:30But the imagery is not getting much, much better.
- 6:33It's still kind of like the same with maybe here and there, there are fringe options.
- 6:38But I think the real thing that can help help helped me and can help other people is to start
- 6:45to develop like an inner experience of your body that's not just about the look.
- 6:50We're not like clothes hangers that walking around is supposed to look in particular way,
- 6:54but it's more like wow like maybe I'm gonna look at my body as something that feels and
- 6:59experiences and have sensations and really enjoy things and not just like the way that I
- 7:06and then start to apply it to the look, like like kind of like developing a look from the
- 7:10inside from sensations as opposed to developing a look from the outside.
- 7:16So I wanna go into that a little more.
- 7:19One of the things I said when we were, you know, just chatting for a few before we started
- 7:23recording here, is that this this concept that I see in my work of, wow, people try to be
- 7:30intimate, and we can't experience so many times orgasm or pleasure of any kind.
- 7:36If we're worried around like, well, how do I look in this position?
- 7:39Or is my belly hanging out here?
- 7:41Do my thighs look big?
- 7:42And, you know, it's really, really difficult, if not actually completely impossible, to enjoy
- 7:48pleasure if we're worried about all this.
- 7:50And I hear in what you're saying some level of we need to get out of our just as, like, kind
- 7:56of trying to heal this just with, like, the mind and thinking, okay, well, I'm not gonna
- 8:01compare myself to the image.
- 8:03It sounds like the the process that is moving more into the body and the experience.
- 8:08So am I hearing you correctly?
- 8:10And if so, can you explain that
- 8:12a little more?
- 8:13I wanna do one better than explain it.
- 8:15I want us all I want us all to try it right now.
- 8:17Oh, even better.
- 8:18That is better for sure.
- 8:20So so I feel like it's so easy to sort of feel ourselves.
- 8:24Like, we we're looking around all the time.
- 8:25We're in this external world, we're getting all of this input.
- 8:28And then we can also switch to our internal world, and we can actually do it pretty quickly
- 8:33and efficiently.
- 8:34So I want us to do it right now.
- 8:35Here's how it goes.
- 8:39We take a couple of deep breaths.
- 8:46And we start to feel our pussy.
- 8:50Just notice your pussy is there, part of your body.
- 8:59I almost wanna feel it, like like, and relaxed and softened to the world first as we continue
- 9:07to breathe.
- 9:13And then on the next breath, we're gonna take a little hello squeeze.
- 9:17Squeeze the muscles as you breathe.
- 9:21And see if you can feel the pleasure of the sensation and then release.
- 9:29And another squeeze and focus on pleasure.
- 9:32Imagine it flowing from there through your body.
- 9:37And release.
- 9:40And one more, just wake up.
- 9:43Hello.
- 9:43I feel myself on the inside.
- 9:48And release.
- 9:52And then we've switched our point of view from the outside to the inside.
- 9:58Beautiful.
- 9:59Beautiful.
- 10:00I, I love the activity so much.
- 10:03I feel compelled to bring up something that some of my listeners have heard me say before,
- 10:07which is when I when I snowboard, I sometimes do this activity with one of my girlfriends
- 10:13where we snowboard with our pussy leading.
- 10:15So I'll be like, so that's kind it's kind of, like, exactly what you're talking about the
- 10:19exercise of saying, okay.
- 10:21Well, on this run, dropping first into feeling her.
- 10:25Right?
- 10:26And then imagining that the movement, that every turn, that the that connection is
- 10:31actually coming from that as kind of the focal point.
- 10:35So, this just brings me to my question, which is like, okay.
- 10:38So taking what you did, do you teach and do you focus on ways where it's like, okay, outside of
- 10:45almost as meditative visual state, can we begin to have these experiences like that and bring
- 10:51it in more to, like, washing the dishes and showing up at work?
- 10:55And, you know, how does this work from, like, a day to day incorporating, leading from feeling
- 11:01my body type of way?
- 11:03Definitely.
- 11:04And, you know, we call it decompartmentalization of sexuality because it
- 11:08is, you know, like we think that sex is just this thing we keep for the bedroom, but like,
- 11:13let her let's have like a pussy be our guide, our like, you know, like compass.
- 11:21You know, like she is leading me about like, oh, what do I feel wearing today?
- 11:27Or how do, you know, like, do I wanna move my body?
- 11:30Or what do I feel like eating?
- 11:32Or how do I you know, like, she is like she's my you know, I move from my pussy the same way
- 11:38that you describe the snowboarding.
- 11:40Right?
- 11:40So I really think it's like the way we absorb our body image is just a habit.
- 11:46Know, we heard about it.
- 11:47We heard we drill, drill, drill.
- 11:48So we need to undrill it and start putting in some new practices that will allow us to
- 11:54connect with our body and with our experience of ourselves in a different way.
- 12:00I love it.
- 12:01I love it.
- 12:01And then so my other question is in thinking about the, you know, kind of the science behind
- 12:07this.
- 12:07I'm a I'm a scientist at heart, really, because I really find that when people understand some
- 12:13of, like, why this is happening, sometimes if there's, like, a little resistance to, like,
- 12:18okay, this is interesting.
- 12:20Leave with my pussy.
- 12:21Drop into my pussy.
- 12:22Feel my pussy.
- 12:23Like, all those, sometimes they can be like, what is this gonna do?
- 12:27Right?
- 12:27So can you explain, like, kind of, like, almost from the the mechanism perspective, like, how
- 12:34dropping and feeling into our bodies, into our anatomy, into our, you know, our pleasure
- 12:41centers, how that is then connected to repairing, you know, the body image.
- 12:47I do feel like so much of it is about our hormones, like the hormones that get released
- 12:51when we're in high states of pleasure, when we're having orgasm, when we're squeezing those
- 12:56muscles and feeling the sensations move through our body.
- 12:59We're like releasing endorphins and oxytocin.
- 13:02We're doing it with ourselves, and we're loving ourselves more when we come from that inside
- 13:06place and that embodied sensation based place.
- 13:09And we're doing it with our partners when we create this loop of pleasure between us.
- 13:14Right?
- 13:15Then we're having all of the sensation and pleasure that we can share and the feedback.
- 13:19And I think one of the things that I really want to say, you know, is a lot of times we
- 13:23feel like we have to do these things all by ourselves.
- 13:26But I think it's great to like really get the feedback of other people, like helping us raise
- 13:32those hormonal levels and giving us pleasure and taking in how much they desire us instead
- 13:37of like oh is do I look good do I look good it's just like wait I see desire coming at me
- 13:41from all over the place I must look amazing And all and that loop actually releases those
- 13:48hormones as well.
- 13:49So that combination just for me it just is what it's what balances my brain.
- 13:53It's what makes me you know live to fight another day.
- 13:56It's really It's really those that hormonal level keeping that high by being connected to
- 14:04our bodies.
- 14:06And just again to keep reinforcing what Silas said like in letting like allowing and like
- 14:12keep reinforcing this lending strip in our body that says, like, yes.
- 14:17That feels good.
- 14:17Yes.
- 14:18I can take it in.
- 14:19Because what do we see?
- 14:20What do we tell?
- 14:21Like, let's think about, like, the average person.
- 14:23Like, you know, like, when we are hearing a compliment, we're just like, oh, no.
- 14:27They didn't really hear it.
- 14:28Oh, thank you.
- 14:29But not really letting it in.
- 14:30And I was like, I wanna I'm like, yeah.
- 14:33I wanna get it in.
- 14:34I wanna take it in.
- 14:35I'm building my lending strip to be luscious and open and available and say it's almost like
- 14:41we learned we're not supposed to take it in and we're supposed to be miserable in some way.
- 14:46And I was like, let's be greedy.
- 14:48Let's take it in.
- 14:49Let's show ourselves as this good compliments and positive sensation because who said we have
- 14:55to like buy into the other story?
- 14:58Yeah.
- 15:00Yeah, it's the the art of receptivity is like, it's so crazy to me sometimes how hard it is to
- 15:09literally just be okay with just being in the receiving.
- 15:12You know, it's it's so easy to receive a compliment superficially, like you're saying,
- 15:18and then just, like, instantly be like, oh, and then, like, give a compliment back.
- 15:22And that's, you know, it's great.
- 15:23It's great to be, you know, reciprocal that way.
- 15:26But I think so often, we're, like, we're just so quick to kinda get out of that state of rest
- 15:31receptivity versus, like, taking that moment to be like, wow.
- 15:35Yeah.
- 15:35That feels really, really good and actually completely allow that energy in before we move
- 15:40into whatever, you know, whatever else we're moving into.
- 15:45I know one of the things that that you ladies talk about is this concept of pleasure being a
- 15:50birthright.
- 15:51And I know in talking to people, like, sometimes it's so easy for people to just be
- 15:58like, well, I'm not that interested in sex.
- 16:00That's just not what my partner and I do.
- 16:02It was great in the beginning.
- 16:03It went away.
- 16:03We're fine now.
- 16:05And, you know, what do you have to say to that in in response to also this this idea around,
- 16:11this is a birthright.
- 16:11This is healing.
- 16:12This is everything that you've said.
- 16:14So so why is pleasure a birthright, and why do you think we, like, deny it so often?
- 16:19In our culture, what we really have is a work ethic.
- 16:22We think the only thing that makes us valuable is these sort of, like, particular external
- 16:26achievements.
- 16:27And, you know, I believe in a pleasure ethic, and it's really, I think, what makes life more
- 16:32joyful and interesting and exciting and fun.
- 16:35I think we'll still get plenty of work done, especially if we're having much more fun doing
- 16:40it.
- 16:41So, you know, to really go into that birthright means to let go of some of this idea that the
- 16:46only thing that gives us value is sort of, like, this kind of productivity.
- 16:50I think a lot of times I see couples thinking, well, I have all these things to do.
- 16:53Sex is trivial, and it doesn't matter, and I'll just put it on the back burner, and I don't
- 16:57really need it anyway.
- 16:59And then you see them drift apart.
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- 17:43Now back to our show.
- 17:45Because there's none of this exchange of, you know, connection and intimacy and hormonal
- 17:50balance and and all of those nice sticky, hormones and connections that we that we really
- 17:56need to keep that.
- 17:58But the work ethic gets in the way of this birthright and this pleasure ethic.
- 18:02And, and I think we would get so much more done if we really focused on how enjoyable the the
- 18:09moments of sensation and and playfulness and fun are.
- 18:14I agree.
- 18:15I agree.
- 18:16I, I do a lot from a work perspective with setting goals and that sort of thing, but
- 18:22within the context of, like, anytime I set work goals, I also set pleasure goals.
- 18:27And my friends know this enough that they'll check-in and be like, how are your pleasure
- 18:30goals being?
- 18:31How are they going?
- 18:33Right?
- 18:33Because I find the same thing.
- 18:34It's like when we can get into that space and we can create from that space, I'm getting work
- 18:40done.
- 18:40It's like, we all get work done.
- 18:42That's just that's who most of us are.
- 18:44It's like gonna be part of our lives.
- 18:45Right?
- 18:46But to have pleasure as a huge component of it, I think is a, you know, it's a really
- 18:51important, piece of this.
- 18:54So what about things like numbness?
- 18:57Like, you know, because I do see that that vaginal numbness is a very fairly common thing,
- 19:04sometimes from trauma, sometimes from hormones, sometimes just with aging, sometimes from lack
- 19:09of interest.
- 19:10There's so many different reasons for this.
- 19:12So where does your work come in with helping people heal from any sort of vaginal numbness?
- 19:18Yeah.
- 19:19And I think I think many times, especially women don't want to have sex because and you
- 19:24call it vaginal numbness.
- 19:25So like, you know, lack of interest, like they don't feel that level of arousal mostly because
- 19:30they're actually not getting well, there are a few reasons.
- 19:33One is that they're not getting the sex that they want.
- 19:35They're getting like some sex that doesn't mean that that's what turns them on.
- 19:41And they're not like because we're trained that sex is not for us in, you know, in societally.
- 19:46So we don't go on an exploration of pleasure for ourselves.
- 19:50We do it to satisfy our partners.
- 19:53So that creates like, you know, a lack of libido is just around the corner.
- 19:56I'm not talking about hormones.
- 19:57Hormones have their own issue that I think deserves some, you know, special mention.
- 20:03But definitely people are not even like, you know, like we're eating from a kidney meal.
- 20:09We're not eating for the full potential gourmet French meal that we can get.
- 20:17So it reduces motivation for sex if you don't get what really turns you on.
- 20:23So then, okay.
- 20:24So another question that I have for you ladies is, so we're doing an exercise like this
- 20:29somatic exercise we just did.
- 20:31Right?
- 20:31And that was around our pussy.
- 20:33But in waking up the whole body, right?
- 20:37Because I think so many times too, one of the problems we get into with intimacy and sex is
- 20:43we are just thinking penetration.
- 20:45And when I ask people, when I have, like, teach live classes and I ask people, like, when I say
- 20:50sex, what's the first thing that comes to mind?
- 20:51It's always intercourse, penetration, and intercourse, penetration.
- 20:54Right?
- 20:54That's what everybody thinks of.
- 20:56And, you know, sex for a lot of us is, like, so much more than just this this penetrative type
- 21:03of act.
- 21:03It's a pleasure filled event of so many different of waking up ourselves in so many
- 21:09different ways.
- 21:10So what's, like, the process you guys take people through around, like, oh, wow.
- 21:15Maybe we're gonna get out of just thinking about sex from a standpoint of penetrative only
- 21:20and and really begin to experience pleasure from, like, a multifactorial, you know,
- 21:28multicellular type of way.
- 21:30I do feel like we don't, we don't teach people about women's bodies and the ways that our
- 21:36bodies need a lot of all over body touch and warm up.
- 21:39I know when I'm with a new partner so quickly, I feel them trying to go to my genitals and
- 21:44touch them right away.
- 21:44And when they do that, I'm just like, there's nothing happen.
- 21:47If we wanna talk about numbness, like, she's not awake.
- 21:51I'm like, you kiss my ear if you stroke my arm.
- 21:55Like, I can feel that in my clitoris in a way that if you touch my clitoris right away,
- 22:00nothing's gonna happen.
- 22:01In fact, the opposite is gonna happen.
- 22:02And so it is really, about educating our partners.
- 22:06And also, I think as women, what we don't realize is that our arousal curve does take
- 22:12longer.
- 22:12We we need more warm up time.
- 22:14I think everybody does well with more warm up time, but we really need it in order to get to
- 22:19the heights of our pleasure, whether we're having intercourse or oral sex or none of the
- 22:23above, manual, playing with our vibrators.
- 22:25But to take the time to really feel and touch and smell and, like, all over body touch and
- 22:32kissing.
- 22:33And and and also, I think a lot of times women feel like, I'm supposed to be giving back right
- 22:37away.
- 22:38I really teach my female clients to focus on their sensation first, get connected to their
- 22:44pussy, touch their own body while their partner is touching their body.
- 22:48It's like, let's team effort this.
- 22:49You know?
- 22:50Because because I know that my partners want to get me to my highest level of arousal.
- 22:55And if I'm worried about them right away, that's not gonna happen.
- 22:59And so there is this focusing, this self focus that needs to happen that I think a lot of us
- 23:03feel guilty or bad or, like, we're supposed to get turned on faster than we are.
- 23:07And there's a lot of pressure around that.
- 23:08So slowing down and focusing on self is so important.
- 23:12Yeah.
- 23:13I mean, I think that to me just goes back to the concept of rest you know, receiving that we
- 23:17were talking about around.
- 23:19Okay.
- 23:20Even when we are being touched sensually, it's like really allowing to feel that before we
- 23:26quickly move into, okay, now I gotta give you pleasure too.
- 23:29And and you're right.
- 23:30I think we do so easily just jump so fast and and ignore that.
- 23:37So so where do people start?
- 23:39Right?
- 23:39If I if the the, say, block is around something like body image, and if people are experiencing
- 23:47that they go into a sensual experience and they're either in their head around, like,
- 23:53being touched or how they look or they're like their, you know, hand touches an area of their
- 23:58body, they feel trepidation around, and they feel themselves, like, pull back and almost,
- 24:03like, have this inability to receive.
- 24:07Do they go straight to an exercise like you taught us?
- 24:10Like, where is kind of the the beginning part of the road map of of really healing the you
- 24:15know, from a, say, a body image imbalance here.
- 24:20Yes.
- 24:20I wanna say that it definitely, you know, like it's been years of us, like, working with that,
- 24:26you know.
- 24:26I mean, like, it's like we get those messages really early on.
- 24:29So it's not gonna be like an overnight of unworking it.
- 24:34But I do think that the place to start is really we created two special classes.
- 24:39I just wanna say, you know, like, one is really about erotic embodiment and the other one is
- 24:45about body image.
- 24:46And I think this combination of those classes where you kind of go and practice.
- 24:50It takes practice the same way that we practiced unconsciously taking the negative
- 24:55messages.
- 24:56We want to practice consciously creating a positive loop in our nervous system.
- 25:03That's kinda it's also like that's the way it works on the nervous system level.
- 25:06Right?
- 25:07We are retraining a body to enjoy pleasure in every level in the embodiment class.
- 25:13Have like so many ways to take in pleasure and to bring it all the way down to your pelvic
- 25:20floor and how to like keep building and reinforcing those circuits in the body.
- 25:25And then like in the body image class, we talk a lot about like how to, you know, like re
- 25:30create a lending strip, how to put boundaries when people tell you stuff that you don't wanna
- 25:36hear and like really like how to start enjoying yourself, how to face the mirror and love what
- 25:42you are seeing there because it's coming from this place of like my my body's superpower, and
- 25:48not just like, I'm just like this this thing that like I'm not matching exactly what the
- 25:55journals or the, you know, tells me I'm supposed to look like.
- 25:59Can I add something also?
- 26:01Which is this idea of receiving.
- 26:03I think people often think of it as passive, and we really teach active receiving.
- 26:08Okay?
- 26:08Active receiving is where you aren't just like laying there, like, hoping something will
- 26:13happen.
- 26:14I remember I was trying to help a woman orgasm for the first time, and I was just like I was
- 26:20like, okay.
- 26:20So how would you start?
- 26:22You know, she had her clothes on and everything, but she was just, like, touching
- 26:24her body, and she's just lying there.
- 26:26And she's like, yeah.
- 26:26I feel bored.
- 26:27And I'm like, yeah.
- 26:27I would be bored too.
- 26:28You know?
- 26:29Like, nothing's happening.
- 26:31And so I was like, here's what it looks like when I masturbate.
- 26:33And I start, like, squeezing my muscles and moving my legs and breathing and, like,
- 26:38touching my body and making sound.
- 26:40And, like, this is not a passive process.
- 26:42This is like we've gotta go towards the pleasure.
- 26:45We've gotta make sound.
- 26:46Like, sometimes the only thing that makes me come is, like, both the noise, the the
- 26:51experience of making a noise, and hearing my noises that I'm making because I'm actively
- 26:56going towards pleasure sounds.
- 26:58I'm going towards pleasure movements.
- 27:00So I really want people to start to think about, like, receiving as an active process.
- 27:04Even when I touch people, I'm touching for my pleasure.
- 27:07Like, I'm feeling the flesh to turn me on.
- 27:11You know?
- 27:11So that's something that I like to teach, women to do.
- 27:15Yeah.
- 27:15And then it's also like sorry.
- 27:17I'm labeling, like, off, like, hitting off each other here.
- 27:20And then also it creates a much more motivation for a partner to keep giving us because then it
- 27:26creates this, like, flow of erotic energy between us.
- 27:30So, like, we are responding to their touch.
- 27:32So they are more motivated to give us more touch.
- 27:35So it's kind of like self reinforcing and mutually reinforcing.
- 27:40Well, you guys are really setting me up for the next question that I wanted to ask you anyway.
- 27:44So this is a perfect lead in.
- 27:45So thank you.
- 27:46And I and I agree.
- 27:47It's like when we're talking about like that active pleasure or active receiving versus
- 27:51passive receiving.
- 27:52It's not like we're laying there like a, you know, like in corpse pose or, you know,
- 27:57Shavasana just kind of like spacing out.
- 27:59Right?
- 28:00There's so much more happening to that.
- 28:03My question here is this is, and I'll give you a little backstory around I was healing from a
- 28:09relationship many years ago when I went to a therapist.
- 28:12I had said something to this therapist around.
- 28:14Was like, well, you know, I want to make sure that I am, like, totally healed from this
- 28:18relationship before I start dating again.
- 28:20And the therapist had told me something that nobody ever told me before that, but I thought
- 28:24was profound.
- 28:25And and she's like, in order to heal from a relational thing, you do that in relationship.
- 28:34And so and it was very interesting to, like, take that into my next partner and to just
- 28:40really be like, oh, yeah.
- 28:42If I get triggered in this partnership based upon my past, like, now it's bringing up this
- 28:47moment for me to actually heal that I couldn't have healed because I wasn't having those
- 28:52triggers come up that I didn't recognize.
- 28:54Right?
- 28:55So my question for you kinda comes from that and thinking about this from, like, a, you
- 28:59know, healing body image and learning how to be receptive and all of this.
- 29:03Like, how much of this work do you think then from a, you know, somatic experiences work that
- 29:09we can do alone versus, like, hey, we really need to have this partner here to help us, you
- 29:16know, heal?
- 29:17Yeah.
- 29:18Yeah.
- 29:18I think
- 29:19Our whole method is basically based on that belief system.
- 29:23Like, we we work with our clients and we train our coaches.
- 29:27We teach them how to be relational And, you know, and we do go into erotic and emotional
- 29:33intimacy with our clients within the boundaries of the method.
- 29:37And we do that as a way to actually, like, maybe touch on some of those triggers and they
- 29:42become activated in the relationship.
- 29:44And then we can work on them in a very safe container where the focus is the work because
- 29:48sometimes you're not totally ready to bring it to a partner.
- 29:51You're too scared or you're too wounded, but you do need a place where you can practice
- 29:56inauthentic intimacy to create that safe, we call it the relationship lab.
- 30:01And nothing is perfectly safe, right?
- 30:03But it's like safe, a safer space where some of those feelings can come up and you can process
- 30:08them with somebody who's really present and connected with you.
- 30:12Yeah, and just to add to that, like you can't, you can't heal body image just with your own,
- 30:17you know, because then you go out, you need to create some sort of like immunity.
- 30:21You need to create experiences that you're going out because you can tell yourself so many
- 30:25things that which is amazing.
- 30:27You keep do telling yourself all the good things in front of mirror.
- 30:30That's fantastic.
- 30:31But then, like, it's also like go out there and then first learn to listen to the good stuff
- 30:36that people tell you and take it in.
- 30:37And then, like, keep asking people to tell you good stuff.
- 30:40Like why just ask people for criticisms?
- 30:43Yeah, yeah, tell me more.
- 30:44What do you like about me?
- 30:45Yeah, yeah, I wanna hear more.
- 30:47You don't really take it in, you know.
- 30:49It's okay to tell people if you have something bad to say, don't tell me.
- 30:53I just want to hear the good stuff that you have to tell me.
- 30:56So yeah.
- 30:57Yeah, I love that.
- 30:59I love that.
- 30:59I think it's really beautiful because I think so many times we're in this world of trying to
- 31:04heal ourselves and it's so isolating and alone.
- 31:07And a lot of the times, it doesn't work to do it that way anyways.
- 31:10So we don't have to be alone in this.
- 31:13Yeah.
- 31:13Remember the first time a partner ever said, I love your thighs.
- 31:16And I have to tell you, like, I grew up in a time when thighs, you weren't supposed to have
- 31:21them at all.
- 31:21They weren't even supposed to touch each other.
- 31:23And I have these very round, luscious thighs.
- 31:25And he said, I love your legs so much.
- 31:27And I was like, what?
- 31:28You love my legs?
- 31:29And it was really healing, that moment for me.
- 31:32And I was like, oh, I started to fall in love with them too.
- 31:35And so it's like sometimes we can do it in ourselves and sometimes we really need that
- 31:40positive reinforcement to remind us, you know, how gorgeous and sexy we are.
- 31:45And so often with our lovers, they're not like picking those little things apart.
- 31:49They're just like, you're hot.
- 31:51I want you.
- 31:52You know?
- 31:52I was like, yes.
- 31:53Yes.
- 31:53More.
- 31:54More.
- 31:54More.
- 31:55Totally right.
- 31:57Totally right.
- 31:58Well, I can't believe we're already at the top of our time.
- 32:01This went so fast, ladies.
- 32:02I know we're gonna put in the show notes how to work with you guys, how to get involved if you
- 32:08are if people are interested in learning your methodology as healers, as people that would
- 32:13actually like to bring this work to others, as well as if they are interested in working with
- 32:18you guys more on just people that want to learn your methodology right in their own lives.
- 32:24But tell us a little bit, like, just kinda what you package that up nicely for us around, like,
- 32:27how people work with you and and of course we'll put everything in the show notes for for
- 32:31everybody.
- 32:32Wonderful.
- 32:33So we have our platform learn.somatica.com.
- 32:37This is where you can get classes and really kind of practice with yourself.
- 32:41We have an app for that and you can really kinda learn and everything is experiential.
- 32:46So while it is like a self learning process, you definitely have practices.
- 32:51This is a little bit like Celeste demonstrated earlier and way in more and more and more
- 32:56opportunities for you to practice tools to start to love your body and engage in your
- 33:02sexuality and feeling very driven around that.
- 33:05And we have the somaticainstitute.com.
- 33:08This is where you can explore about the potentially being a coach and support others on
- 33:14this journey as well.
- 33:16Amazing.
- 33:16And thank you so much for being here.
- 33:19Everybody remember that I will be doing part two in our libido club.
- 33:24So please do come over and check that out.
- 33:27How you join us in the show notes below.
- 33:29Then ask a lot more juicy questions such as what are the steps that we need to do to really
- 33:35be transformed here?
- 33:37How do we really begin to learn our pleasure body?
- 33:40Where do we start?
- 33:41So much more.
- 33:42Alright, everybody.
- 33:43That's it for today.
- 33:44Thank you again for joining me on the lounge, and we'll see you again real soon.
- 33:49Ciao for now.
- 33:50Thank you so much.
- 33:51Thank you, Diane.
- 33:56You for listening to the Libido Lounge.
- 33:58Please don't keep me a secret.
- 33:59Please share this with your friends.
- 34:01You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.