Latest / The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson / Give Yourself the Park Bench: Permission to Be Tired

Transcript

Give Yourself the Park Bench: Permission to Be Tired · The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson

• 0:00
  This morning, I woke up tired. Nothing dramatic, nothing was wrong. I was just simply tired.
• 0:08
  It's Friday, and when I thought about the week behind me, it made sense.
• 0:13
  It had been a week of writing, teaching, speaking, thinking,
• 0:17
  making decisions, helping people, and just trying to be useful in the world.
• 0:22
  And I realized something very simple. Some days you need a little more park bench.
• 0:27
  Not because you're giving up, not because you've lost your motivation,
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  and not because you need to disappear from your life.
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  Sometimes you're just tired.
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  This morning, I woke up and felt tired, but that didn't prevent me from going
• 0:45
  through my usual robotic process.
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  Got up, drank water, stretched, had coffee, and sat down to be creative.
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  I think I think sometimes we make tiredness more complicated,
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  you know, than it needs to be.
• 1:00
  We wake up without quite as much energy and immediately start negotiating with ourselves.
• 1:06
  Why am I tired? What's wrong with me? I should be getting more done.
• 1:11
  I should be more motivated.
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  I should be using the day much better.
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  But maybe tired doesn't always need an explanation.
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  Maybe sometimes tired just simply means that we have been living.
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  We have been working, caring, listening, solving problems, showing up for people,
• 1:32
  you know, just caring, responsibilities, thinking about tomorrow while trying to take care of today.
• 1:40
  That takes energy, lots of it. And perhaps one of the more human things we can
• 1:45
  do is notice when our own tank is just a little bit lower and respond with kindness instead of criticism.
• 1:52
  I started thinking this morning About how I would treat a friend Who came to
• 1:55
  me at the end of the long week And said, Craig, I'm tired,
• 2:00
  I probably wouldn't hand him a productivity plan I wouldn't say,
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  well, have you considered Squeezing three more things into your afternoon I'd
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  probably say Well, you know, you've had a long week,
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  Take it easy today Do what you need to do And give yourself some time to rest.
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  So why is it sometimes so difficult to offer ourselves the same kind of kindness?
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  For myself, it's just giving myself permission to be tired while I move to the next task.
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  Maybe permission to take a little more time to relax. Maybe permission to,
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  you know, do a small healthy pleasure for myself.
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  For me, it's a long walk, cup of coffee, light reading, a nap.
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  When you're tired, it's especially important to be your own best friend.
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  And that doesn't mean to necessarily abandon the day.
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  For me, I'm still going to do the things I do today. I'll write,
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  I'll take care of work, I'll talk to people, I'll probably exercise. I'll be useful.
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  But maybe I can do all of those things a little more gently.
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  Maybe I don't have to turn every open hour into an assignment.
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  Maybe I don't have to solve everything today.
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  For example, maybe an email can wait. Maybe a decision can wait.
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  Maybe, you know, something I've been worrying about can sit quietly in another room for the weekend.
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  That brings me to another question I've been thinking about.
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  How about you? What are you carrying today that you actually don't need to carry with you today?
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  Maybe it's something, you know, somebody said to you yesterday.
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  Maybe it's a disappointment.
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  Maybe it's a decision that, you know, hasn't been made yet.
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  Maybe it's just something happening next week That your mind has decided needs
• 3:44
  to be solved this morning Or maybe it's simply the expectation that you should always be doing more.
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  We carry strange things, you know, around with us,
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  We carry conversations, for example, that have already ended Problems that haven't
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  even happened Other people's moods Things we wish we had said, you know, differently,
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  Things that we're still waiting to hear,
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  And sometimes We carry an imaginary scoreboard That keeps asking whether we've We've done enough.
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  Some of those things matter, but they may not need to come with us, you know, everywhere.
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  Today, I ran out of time for an important project I was working on.
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  I used to get frustrated about this.
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  Now I just justify it. You know, something else came up, felt better,
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  and just simply moved it to the next day and completely put it out of my mind. This takes practice.
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  Also, I kind of like the image of putting something down beside the park bench.
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  It'll still be there if you need to pick it up later You're not pretending that
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  it doesn't exist You're not running away from it You're simply deciding that
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  for the next half an hour Or the next afternoon It.
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  Doesn't need to be in your hands There's another part of this that also matters
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  to me You know, when I'm tired I want to remember to be a little kinder to other people too,
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  Because the person in front of me at the store May have had a long week The
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  person who answers my email also may be tired Someone I love may be carrying
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  something I know nothing about,
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  We spend so much of our lives just, you know, interacting with people Without
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  knowing what kind of day they're having Maybe being tired ourselves can remind
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  us of that Little patience.
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  A little less judgment, a little more room You know, not every interaction has
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  to be one Not every irritation deserves a response Not every small inconvenience
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  has to become the story of our day,
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  Sometimes kindness towards ourselves seems to spill outward.
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  Think about those everyday encounters that you've had today,
• 6:00
  someone at a store, a friend, a driver, a neighbor, someone at home.
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  Think about, did you lose patience, and how did that change the temperature of the interaction?
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  I was at the airport not too long ago, and I was trying to read.
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  I had plenty of time before my flight.
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  There was a woman talking to a group of people, and I couldn't see the people.
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  I could just hear and see the woman, and she was talking very loud.
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  And I found myself getting annoyed, irritated, because I was trying to read.
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  And then the group separated a little bit. And then I saw that she was in charge
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  of a group of older adults in wheelchairs.
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  And she was speaking loud because she was trying to give them directions on
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  what to do at the airport.
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  That changed my attitude. I felt embarrassed. I felt bad that I prejudged this situation.
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  So today, when I'm tired, I think I'm going to give myself permission to have a,
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  you know, a slightly quieter Friday Not an empty Friday, not an unproductive
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  Friday, you know, just a gentler one Maybe a little more downtime,
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  maybe a little reflection Maybe a walk without needing to figure anything out,
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  And maybe somewhere in the day, a little more.
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  Time on the park bench I think there are days when the park bench is where we
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  go to think And then there are days where it's where we go to just notice And
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  then there are days when maybe we don't need the bench to teach us anything at all,
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  Maybe we just need somewhere to sit,
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  That may be enough So if you're tired today,
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  maybe you don't need to fix it Maybe you don't need to become a better version
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  of yourself before dinner Maybe you could keep doing what needs to be done While
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  treating yourself the way you would treat someone you care about,
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  And before you move on to the next thing, ask yourself two questions.
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  What am I carrying today that, you know, I could just put down?
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  And what would I do differently today if I were being my own best friend?
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  Maybe the answer is nothing dramatic. Maybe you finish your work,
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  take the walk, have the conversation, make dinner, sit quietly for a while.
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  Maybe you simply stop asking so much of yourself for one afternoon.
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  The world will still be there tomorrow And so will the things that generally
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  need your attention But for today,
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  maybe there's room For a little more kindness A little less pressure And a little
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  more park bench I'll see you there.