Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / She’s not coping 😢 we are BLOODY messes & the waiting game ⏰

Transcript

She’s not coping 😢 we are BLOODY messes & the waiting game ⏰ · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoday production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today. Welcome
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: up together.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome back to Growing Glow.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Welcome back, exciting to be here.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: We've got a massive catch up episode. Would you guys love?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Like I was saying to someone or maybe in my
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: stories the other day, Like Kiara and I see each
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: other pretty much once a month. We want to see
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: each other more. It just hasn't been happening. We need
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to prioritize it. But once a month, like so much
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: happens every so much, and we talk all the time,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: true voice notes and update each other. But when we
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: come up here, it's like so much has changed from
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: the last month. I know like in our lives with
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: our kids, or like just work, or how we're feeling
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: about something. So much changes. So we've got lots of
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: updates today for you. But before we get started, what's
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: your share of the week? Okay?
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: So my share of the week is a TV show. Okay,
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: it's on Netflix. It's called Ashley Madison.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Have you watched it? Oh? Is this the Dating?
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Yes? That was Oh my gosh, I found it so doozy.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I have not watched it, but I've heard about what happened,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: So basically, this online website that couples go to have
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: an affair. So it's people who are married or in
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: long term relationships and they go on there. So the
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: person you're having an affair with is also having an
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: affair on their partner, if that makes sense.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: But their partner doesn't know. It's a private well no, it's.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: A private website. So anyways, there's all these couples that
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: are doing this, and what happens eventually is it all
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: gets leaked someone, so if someone hacks someone hacks it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: There's definitely some full on moments in it and some
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: really sad things that happened because of that. But it
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: is just like one of those shows where you're just like,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh. And there's even people that I watched
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: online and they were on the show.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I watched them growing up.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: There were YouTubers that I watched what I know, and
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, and they were on there,
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: and just like her perspective, how it made her feel,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: how their relationship was beforehand.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: I just found it really interesting. And it's only a
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: short series too, it's like four episodes, but it was
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: just one of those ones where I was like really
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: captivated and like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen?
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Just like even the high up people in the industry,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: like when it comes out and it's.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Full on I suppose anything to do with the relationships affairs,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: it's so taboo, like quote unquote wrong that like everyone
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: being leaked and exposed. That's crazy. It destroyed obviously so
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: many marriages.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I think just the storyline and how it happened,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: and like the shadiness of the people who worked in
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: the business and things happening. How could you work for
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: a business and even like they were, I don't want
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: to give it too much way, but a lot of
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: things that people thought they were getting by being on
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: the website which was like fake. So there was like, so,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: for example, chatting because there's like fifty thousand men on
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: there but only ten thousand women. They made like forty
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: thousand fake women profiles come over with the exact numbers
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: and they're chatting and doing all this stuff, but it's
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: actually not true.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: So it was a bots.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, bots all the people working they do.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: They have to pay to be on this website, so
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: it's to make more money because then the men think
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: there's more options.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Oh it's mind So there's just so many twists and turns,
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: like little things like this that are popping out throughout.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: So these people are on there to have an affair
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: and then they're actually speaking to a male that's working
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: for that. Yes, there's so much to it, but it's
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: just one of those ones. And I was like I
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: just got so.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: You see my face right now, Joe's on the ground,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Like what that actual?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's full on, yeah, but it's just it's mind blowing,
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: like the way just all the different things that pop
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: up throughout. You're like, oh my gosh, that's full.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I've seen it, and I don't know
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: why I didn't watch it, but now I kind of
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: want to.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And because I saw a familiar face, I was
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: like yeah. I was like, I've seen them on YouTube.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: That's what's going on here.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: And they're not together now they are they stay together? Yeah? Yeah,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: he go. Oh. My share of the week is I've
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: shared this before, but always trying to turn something negative
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: into something positive, because when I was in Europe it
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: was just really really interesting and I created a reel
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: around it, which is on my Instagram of all of
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: these really negative comments that I got negative dms. I
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: don't comment because I don't want people seeing it. They
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: DM it about me being away with Taj. It was
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: comments like, you know, one was you never wanted a daughter.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: You know, it's obvious that he's your favorite because you
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: took him overseas. You're showing off because you're filming in
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: business class. Lots of projections, lots just saying how fun
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: and ugly it was. I laugh it because it doesn't
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: affect me. Big things to worry about my world, but
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: lots about my trip, about the money that I spent
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: on the trip, about the new bag I bought about
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: all this stuff. It was just negative. Like honestly, it
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: did not bother me. But I was like, there's quite
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: a bit more, I think because I'm on holidays and
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: my story views Like I don't know about you, but
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: when I'm on holidays, they got like five times more.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: It's crazy, probably more interesting content than my day to day.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: But then on the flip side, I got a hundred
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: times more love and beautiful dms of the complete opposite.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: So people saying, oh my gosh, this quality time with
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: your son is so beautiful, these memories are going to
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: be coore for him, Like I'm so happy you got
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: to do this with them. Oh my gosh, flying business,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: classic dream come true. You've inspired me that I can
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: do that. I love that you treated yourself with that bag.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: You're in this new era go you like so many
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: just awesome, loving comments. And I just wanted to make
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: a real that like show different perspective of like what
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: someone might think is disgusting or gross or show offee
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: or whatever, another person thinks it was really inspiring, heartwarming
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: and cool. Yeah, it's just perspective. But I wanted to
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: make a real to turn that negative into a positive.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Because I don't like people commenting. Obviously, no one wants
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: to read anything negative. Like I'm going to turn this
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: into something really positive and empowering and help people see
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: the perspective that if you've got people in your life
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: that put you down and put what you do down
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and it makes you feel like crap, just know those
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: people that think that's really fucking cool. And at the
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: end of the day, like, if you think what you're
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: doing is really fucking cool, that's all that matters. I
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: love that I spent gosh, I probably spent close to
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars on that trip, and I don't regret
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: any of it. I have not worked since I was
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: thirteen years old to not enjoy my life. I have
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: not worked my ass off and hustled and burnt myself
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: out to not go enjoy it. And why do I work.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I work so that I can travel and create memories
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: and enjoy nice things with the people that I cherish
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: the most. And I got to fly to Italy with
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: my son in business class. I got to watch her
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: get married with all of her beautiful friends and family.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I've got to experience these incredible countries, meet some cool
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: people's try the new foods, have this quality time attached,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: and have these memories match if something happened to me
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: next year, he's got those beautiful memories, Like I don't
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: regret that for a second, and there is no one
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: that can take that away from me. So it's just
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: it might be an extreme example, but any time in
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: your life, just where can you turn that negativity into positivity?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: It just makes you feel so empowered.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: And even to know that, like the right people will
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: see your intentions and the wrong ones are gonna pick
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: apart everything you do.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: And like a lot of them are just blocked. I
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: was like, you're not meant to be here with my people.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: You're not my people. You're not meant to be here.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I don't need to hear nah, Like and how cool
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: that I have the power to do that. One girl
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: was like, ah, stop shoving it down in our face
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: that you've got money in your own business class. You're
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: so annoying. Even your face annoys me. I'm like, go away,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: you following me?
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: As soon as you block them, you just they're completely
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: unplugged from you.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: We have control of their choices, Like, yeah, follow people
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: there inspire you don't have to follow anyone. No one's
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: holding a gun to your head and say follow as
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: your bines and all of her adventures. Don't like it?
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Move on that.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: People that make you feel good, yeah, and that value
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: the same things you value and are on your wavelength.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Yes, Or if you're triggered, go deeper, like why are
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you triggered? And what's coming on for you? Are you
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: triggered by me going a holiday because you're learning to
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: go on a holiday? Are you financially really struggling right now?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And that triggered you? Like, that's valid and that's okay, Like,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: but be aware of that. I don't have to project it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: You can like sit with that and work on that yourself.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I get triggered all the time. Yeah, none of us
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: don't not get triggered. Like, No, it's not about getting
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: to a point where we never get triggered again. It's
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: being able to be Oh, hi there, okay, I see
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: that trick. I feel that trigger. How's it feel? Where's
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: it coming from? What's the meaning I'm going to put
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: on that? And you just get better at like catching
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: them and regulating faster. When it used to get triggered
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: years ago, it could consume me for weeks and like
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: just riddle with anxiety. Like now it's like a micro
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: moment of like, oh I can feel that it feels uneasy,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: sit with it, and like maybe it needs some more
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: time and space to be felt, or maybe it's like okay,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I see you not serving me. Flip it, you know.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: And youw triggers pop up all the time, all the time,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: like I'll finally start feel okay with one, and then
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: if you won't pop up, like where is this feeling
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: of jealousy come from? Like oh my gosh, hello, I
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: didn't know.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: You were there. It's so. But then straight away you're like, okay,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: that jealous has popped up because it's obviously something I'm wanting. Yeah,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: you know, and you find the meaning and then you
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: move through it. You don't sit there, you know, burying
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: yourself in a hole thinking you're a horrible person because
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: you feel jealous and like something's wrong with them or me,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Like it's like, okay, it's there. Fuck, maybe I'm wanting that. Yeah,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: actually acknowledge myself, give myself that. Yeah you know. So yeah,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: that's my share of the week. It's a rant. Now.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I just felt very empowered being able to switch and
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: turn that around. And I got a lot of messages
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: afterwards too, just been like, oh my gosh, I'm so
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: sorry you have to experience that. And I'm like, I'm good,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Like I'm good.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I think it's so long.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I have dealt with it for so long. But also
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: there's much bigger things in the world. I've been through
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: brain surgery, I've got another one coming up. Someone calling
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: me fat and ugly. It's fine, Like it honestly flips
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: right over my head.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: And it's just once you know projections and you know
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: all that stuff, You're like, it doesn't hit you the same.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: It does not like when you're so secute in yourself.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you can call me whatever you like. I
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: feel sad for you. I feel sad that you're feeling
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: like that about yourself. Yeah. Yeah, anyways, moving on, I
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: feel a good ranch.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I feel like we've got a big episode today. We'll
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: be chatting a little bit about what I've been going
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: through with Miller.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, got Europe.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: We're talking about our periods.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my god, because actually.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Update then I'm doing something new this month too.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: So yeah, tattle about us. Should we start there? Let
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: the flood gates open. No pun intended. Okay, So, as
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: you guys know, I had my first brain surgery to
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: put a stent into my brain andnderism on my right
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: hand side of my brain, and afterwards I have to
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: be on two lots of blood thinners, one for three
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: months and one for twelve months. Cool. I was like, sweet, Like,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I take supplements all the time. I'll never forget them
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: because it's really important to not forget them. Like, if
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: you don't take these blood thinners, like you could stroke,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: it could rupture, it could clot. It's like dangerous to
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: skip them. But I was like, I'm great at taking supplements.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: This is easy. Anyways, ninety six percent of my Instagram
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: audience are females, so I know this isn't too much information.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: And if you get triggered by blood, maybe switch off
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: from this one. Yeah. So I was due for my period,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: got my period morning, about to go for a walk,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: puffed a tampon in and I went walked about I
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: reckon ten twenty meters down my street. I felt really
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: wet down there, and I was like, I'm not turned on.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And then I like and I have a tampon. It
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: and I have a tampon, and I looked down and
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: there was blood everywhere. I'm talking, it looks like someone
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: slashed my thigh open and everywhere, and I'm like, oh,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: my fucking god, what's happened. So I went back ran,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: and so I went to the toilet, took my shorts off,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: like I could literally wring the shorts. There was so
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: much blood. Took the tampon out and it was just
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: clots after clots after clots, and I honestly thought I
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: was miscarrying. And I said to Steve, I think I'm
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: having a miscarriage, and he was like what. It would
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: not stop coming out. So I called my girlfriend Meg
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: because she's a nurse. She was like, I need you
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: to scoop out one of the clots and show me
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: what it looks like because they're all in the toilet.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, and tell me what kind
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: of pain you're in. And I'm like, I'm not in
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: any page. She's like, that's a really good sign. And
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: then I scooped out like a big It was like
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: the side of my hand a clot and she's like, okay,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: there's no memory in there. You're not having a miscarriage.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: This is from your blood thinners. Did they not warn
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you about this? I was like, no, no, one won't
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: be about anything. She's like, oh, your periods are going
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: to be very, very intense. I was like, this is
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: beyond intense, Like this is I can't get off the toilet,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: so anyway in the next space twenty minutes. So I
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: sat on the toilet for a while until I was like, Okay,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: surely that's enough for it. That's enough, that's Leita's gone, Like,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: we've got to be done right. So I put a
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: tampon in and I put period undies on and black
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: bike shorts and I'm like, I'm going to leak. At
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: least it's got lots of protection. Now, I'm all good.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Within five minutes it's leaking through. My shorts are saturated.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: What?
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Back to the toilet. I could ring out my undies
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: if I tried. It was crazy. Did that again the
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: space of twenty minutes. I went through three tampons, three
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: period undies, and three pairs of black shorts and it
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: would not stop. Called Levi as well, and he was like,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I wish I warned you about that.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: I just thought they would have told you, but like,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: this is what's going to happen for a while. And
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's not anything I can tell. He's like, no,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: this is part of your ernie. I'm like, oh my goodness.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: So that day it was like it was on landed
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: on the weekend. So like I just sat on the
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: toilet for the next hour and then just had to
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: like layer up, and then I obviously got like pads
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: and stuff. And it was two days of just intensity.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: When I got out of hospital, I was all of
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: a sudden craving steak, and I started eating steak like
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: at least two times a day, sometimes three times a day,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: like breaking lunch and dinner, and I reckon my body.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Like intuitively knew to like stock me up and get
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: me full of iron because I was gonna lose so
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: much blood. Maybe that intuition was just like there, but yeah,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: it's so intense and it'll be passed by the time
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: you guys listen to this. But like, we have a
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: live podcast event tomorrow and I'm due tomorrow, and I'm like, Okay,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: how are you gonna do this? So our beautiful podcast producer.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I called her like in a panic, and she's like,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: I've got you covered, and she messaged me that night
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: she's like a book black cushions. You guys gonna sit
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: on those because it's like a beautiful white couch that
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: was sitting on and I'm gonna be layering up. And
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Kiara knows all about it, so we'll just like be
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: checking in. But yeah, right before we go into it,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: right when we exactly we've got a plan and play.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I got a plan.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know where my second surgery is now, and
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just like constantly trying to call the hospital to
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: get a new date. I want to asap because the
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: longer this next surgery is going to be, the longer
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I have to be on these blood thinners. This is
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: actually going to like prevent me from living a couple
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: of days a month, like I have to be at home.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Yeap's insane And yeah, I don't know if you haven't listened.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Like way back, I had really intense periods and I
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: remember like similar thing I had tampon in period undies
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: went for a twenty minute walk, bled out everywhere. There
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: was once where I nearly called an ambulance because I
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: was bleeding so much and I was like fainting. I
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: was similar, but then I went on medication for it
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: because I was like, Okay, this is not okay. Anyways,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: I've been obviously changing my lifestyle a lot the last year.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I've been implementing a lot of different things. And last
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: month when I took my medication, I was like, my
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: period's barely here. Also the month before that same sort
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: of thing, and I was like, I feel like my
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: body's ready to try to not be on the medication.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: But every time it lands on my period lately, and
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: you're probably finding the same because we're pretty in sync.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: It's when we're up at the podcast. So every month
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, just take it in case, Like I'll
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: just takeing a case. But I said to Ashley, I'm like,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: this is going to be my first month trying without
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: my medication. So between the two.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Bloody mess bloody message, she literally said in a voice
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: message last it was it last night. You're like, I'm
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: gonna do it. We're gonna be bloody messes together.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Because obviously I don't want to be on these forever.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: And I've changed so many things that I'm like, I
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: want to try getting off it. And we spoke about
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: it and I was like, there's always going to be
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: something I need to just not do it and just
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: see what's going to happen.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Oh goodness, dear. So the other update is, yeah, I
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: went to Europe and it was amazing. So if you
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: guys had listened a little while ago as well, we
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: were very hesitant on who was going to go to
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the wedding. Either all of us were going to go.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: I was gonna go solo, I was gonna take Tarj.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: We didn't know who was going to go. And then
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Steve actually did an Ayahuascar session and when he came back,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: he had this download of like, you and Targe need
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: to go and have a mum and son trip. You
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: guys need that time together. I'm going to stay with Tayla.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: That's what we did. We planned and book the trip.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I get quite a lot of intrusive thoughts around my
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: children being kidnapped or something happening to them. I've done
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: a whole episode on them when I'm in the house alone.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: I've been an ambassador for Project Rescue Children before, so
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I've just heard the worst of the worst stories of
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: what happens to little children, and especially in Europe, it's
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: just very common over there. So I had big fears
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: of taking both of them, more so Tala because she's
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: two and very unpredictable two year olds of like tornadoes.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Can't have them on the lease. They literally ran away
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: from you and likes targed. I can hold his hand
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: the whole time and he just understands everything, so I
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: felt safe for taking him. Anyways, we went, We had
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: the best time. It was absolutely incredible. He was such
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: a legend to travel with. There was just no moments
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: where I felt like he wasn't adjusting or he wasn't
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: enjoying himself. The first time we got there, we were
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: both very exhausted. If you guys watched my Instagram stories.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: We went to have pizza and he was like trying
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: to keep his eyes open at the leaving the pizza.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: But it was like twenty four hours to get there.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: It's a friggin' hectic and even we got you Rome
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Airport was two and a half hours laate in the
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: immigration line. Wow. So he had a moment there where
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: he was a bit overwhelmed because we were just so
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: tired but after we got a four nights, so we
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: went to bed like six pm. And it's complete opposite
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: time zone, so when you guys were getting up, we
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: were going to bed. But we went to sleep that night,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: woke up, got to explore Rome that was really really cool.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: And then the next day we went to the wedding location,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: which was out at a place called in DC I
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: think it is, and that's where most of the wedding
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: guests were staying. It was just like only wedding guests
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: on the property in the middle of nowhere, which was
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: really cool. Made me feel like safe that everyone was
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: just there. Taji and I had a little room and
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: it was just really cool and the wedding was beautiful.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And then next stop was Disneyland parents and oh it
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: was so.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: Good, honestly amazing, like the best. Yeah, goal, Like it
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: was a huge goal of mine. You have to take
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: my kids to Disneyland.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Everyone who has kids.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: You have to even yourself as an adult, feel in
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: a child like, yeah, he doesn't want to go to Disneyland.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: It is just barcket list. It was magical and just
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: so much fun. And I went on all the rides
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: attaj which I'm very not a right person. One massive
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: tip I said this on my social media if you
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: ever go to Disneyland, it's expensive, but get a fast
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: pass because the lines are huge, and we weren't even
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: there like in peak peak season, but some of the
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: rides were like it says on there like an hour long,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: or hour and thirty minutes long, hour and forty five
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: minutes long. So like with children, they don't want to
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: be waiting in lines.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: It's we do only get on like three rides literally, and.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Everyone says you need three days for Disneyland. We did
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: it in six hours. So it was nearly six hundred
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: dollars for a fast pass with both of us got
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: on every ride within like five ten minutes. Yeah, and
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: we got to sit down and have lunch. That's another
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: thing too. Everyone said the food at Disneyland is like disgusting,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: take your own snacks, blah blah blah. But we had
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: a beautiful lunch. It was like it was like a
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: tariarchy chicken with like a fried rice and next to
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: it there was a steakhouse, which we had to wait
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: like an hour we went there, but we had a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: beautiful lunch and then we got a yummy soft served
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: ice cream, and I think he got a cookie and
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: it was beautiful. But just the joy in his face
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: of like me being out of experience that with him
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: was oh, just like I'll never forget it. The next
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: day we drove into Paris City and it's just bucket
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: listed me and Steve has no interest in Paris. He
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: just never wanted to go. It's just not something he's
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: interested in. So I was so excited that I could
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: go and like tick that off, and I fell in
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: love with the city. It's magical. And once again everyone's
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: like it's dirty. There's so much crime, like hold your
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: handbag close, there's peppocket is everywhere. Didn't experience any of that,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: and everyone warned me that everyone's very rude. Complete opposite.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I think everyone was so kind, so understanding, even with
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: language barriers. I went to like the touristy spots to
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: get photos where you can see the Eiffel Tower. I
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: put my trifle on there. I was like, I'm just
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: gonna risk it, like I'm mindful, like I'm looking around
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: to make sure no one's too close to tripod and
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I put Taje in place so quickly, push record, go
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: stand there like do a little thing and then grab
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: it again. But like, I didn't see any crime, so
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: maybe we got lucky. But I found it a really
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: beautiful city. And yeah, we went to this incredible restaurant
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: which I don't know how we got seats there because
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: apparently it's so hard to get into it called led Giraffe,
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: and they've got all inside that you can't see the
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Eiffel Tower, and then a couple of seats outside and
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: we were bang in front of it, like literally, just
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: like the most perfect view. We had an awesome steak,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: we got a yummy dessert, and then every hour on
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: the hour, the Eiffel Tower sparkles.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I looked honestly amazing stories I couldn't even imagine in person.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I can't even explain it. It is just incredible. The
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: hotel that we stayed at. Everyone's asking I can't pronounce
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: it. It's like for something like that. But someone swiped up
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: and said, that's where they filmed the restaurant in Emily
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: in Paris. Have you watched that series? I was like,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I've watched a couple of episodes, but
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize I said, yeah, that's the exact restaurant
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: that they film at, so we stayed there and that
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: was awesome. But then we were booked in for another
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: hotel that had a view of the Eiffel Tower, and
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: from the photos, the view looked very distant. When I
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: got there and we pulled up to the hotel, I
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: was like, it's right there. It's literally in front of us.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: So we got in our bowcon. I was like, oh
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: my god, I'm not booking a restaurant tonight. We're getting
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: room service and we're gonna sit and like eat and
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: watch it sparkle. And we watched it at nine pm
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: and ten pm, so we've got two more sparkles and
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: then it was time to come home. It was quite
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: a fast trip for a europe Troops.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask, did it go really fast because you
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: went to a couple different places. Yeah, it didn't.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: It didn't. I think it didn't because I really soaked
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: up and enjoyed every moment and there wasn't really timelines
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: apart from like the connecting flights and whatever, but even
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: those are just with him. He loves aeroplanes, so like
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I hate flying, but he loves it, so his joy
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: just took away any fear I had in some moments
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: when there was rough turbulence and I jump like I
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: do get scared. He would hold my hand. He's like,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: it's just the clouds, mom, It's okay, it's normal. With
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: how relaxed he was, I was just like, Okay, we've
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: got this. The jet LAG's rough, like I'm on sleeping tablets,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: taking half asleep in tablet each night. And the one
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: night I didn't, I was awake from one am. So
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: the jet lag on the way back rough. On the
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: way over sweet, but Taj hasn't been faced. He's sleeping
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: all night full of beans. So day we got home
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: was like so exhausted, he was sweet. It has not
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: affected him one bit. I said it in a recommendation,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: and think in a previous episode or all like a
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: share of the week. If you have older children, like
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I cannot recommend taking them on a trip more like
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: it is just the quality time you get with them.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: It's so special. It's something I will never ever forget.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: And I want to take Tarla to Disneyland. To be honest,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I was looking at the young kids around and I
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: thought I would be like, oh, I wish Charla was
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: here to experience this. But honestly, the toddlers that were
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: there were asleep in their pram, running away from their
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: parents or screaming and having tantrums, and I felt like
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: the parents looked really frazzled. The older kids kind of
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: not were missing out, but it was just looking like
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: much with Taj and I were literally like I was
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: like a little kid, like running around with him, like
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: just like getting all excited and chatting. It was just
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: it was really amazing. So when she's probably eight, I
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: would probably take both of them again, but I wouldn't
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: take her young when she can't remember it. I'm sure
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: she had a great day.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: She wouldn't notice the difference between saying go into like
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: sea World or dream or not, you know what I
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: mean at that, she just wouldn't notice.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: The amount of money and travel and like exhaustion to
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: get over there for that, Like, yeah, I think it's
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: better to wait till they can adjust better. Like Yahaj's
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: perfect age. Oh that cycol Oh. I loved it. I
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: never get post holiday blues because I love coming back
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: to my reality. But I didn't want it to end.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I just like was having so much fun with him,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: but it's really cool to come home to Tala. Like
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I was telling Kiara this morning, she asked me her reaction,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: and when I came to the lounge dream she was
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: just like mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy ran up to me
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: and her legs It's like she couldn't control them. She
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: was so excited, and she would just stare at me
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: and like touch my face really softly and just like
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: the biggest grin on her face. And we sat on
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: the couch and she wrapped her legs around me and
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: she just stare like there's this big grid in my
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: face and stare at me. And her and Steve had
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: really beautiful quality time, like they have bonded so much.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Like she was a massive mummies girl. Now at night,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: like I've always put it to bed and now it's
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: like daddy, do daddy brush teeth, Daddy do this, Daddy, Daddy, daddy,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Like it's very it's more even now. Yes, so I
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: think they really got a chance to bomb. But when
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I'm there, when I was just there, was she always
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: wanted me. So they've had that chance to like hang
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: out properly. And he's really loved that. Oh that's yeah,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: it's really nice. So my other update is just waiting
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: for my next surgery public system. Everyone's like, why do
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: you go private? But I want this same surgeon, so
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: they only do public. I just want to get it
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: over and done with. So yeah, I'm just waiting for that. Otherwise,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: life goes on. What's your update? Lot's been going on
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So, as you guys know, I think I've roughly
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: spoken about, like Miller struggling bits and pieces with school,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: but lately it's been a lot more intense, Probably the
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: last three to six months. I feel like it's gradually
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: just been getting worse and worse and worse. She's been
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: getting really anxious about school. There's been tears like every
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: single morning the night beforehand. I've just been having to
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: like you know, stay out with her and like have
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: it pep talk with her and tell her like you know,
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: like it's okay, Mommy will be there with you. We
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: can go and do this, we can go and do that.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: And it starts on like a Sunday night. She's really
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: bad on a Sunday night, So she usually has like
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: a big male down for like a solid hour or
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: longer on a Sunday night, where she's needing a lot
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: of comfort, and then it's I would say by Thursday
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: she starts to get a bit more comfortable with going
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: to school. Friday she's usually okay. Saturday she's good. Sunday
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: it starts again. So it's pretty much like three days
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: of the week where she's okay, and then the rest
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: of the time she's just been really anxious. We kind
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: of knew what she was going through, and we have
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: been seeing pediatricians to try to get some help to
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: navigate through this. Her teacher put us aside and was like,
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: you know, I've dealt with so many kids with anxiety
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: and separation, anxiety and all different things, and she's like,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: I just feel like there's something a little bit different
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: with Miller. Obviously hearing that, there's like two sides to
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: it all. There's the initial emotions of being upset because
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: obviously she's already got things at an extra on her plate,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: being a baby that was born with a cleft and
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: you know, having her surgeries and stuff that she still
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: has to navigate. Kurd I held a lot of sadness
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: just because you know, you just want it. You just
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: want whatever issue they're going to have, like you just
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: want to take it on yourself anyway. We don't have
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: any diagnosis of anything yet, but we are going through
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: the process of potentially getting a diagnosis, which I'll talk
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: about more once we actually get it. The reason why
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of not sharing exactly what it is or
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: anything like that is because I'm just kind of right now,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I'm not wanting outside noise. There's enough like going on,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: and there's so many people we're seeing. We're seeing natural paths,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: we're seeing psychologists, we're seeing neuropsychologists, we're seeing pediatricians, We're
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: seeing her school counselor catch ups with their teachers. Like
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: there's so much going on. A couple weeks ago, we
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: had four appointments. One of them was with Kurtine it
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: was almost three hours long. With her neuropsychologist. It's just
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: been really heavy, Like it's just been really heavy lately
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: because obviously Miller not coping and being so upset and
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: trying to hold her and be there for her and
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: show up as the best mum I can be to
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: make sure she feels comforted, and such a fine line
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: of like you know, pushing and then pulling back on
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: certain things, like even dancing. I've taken her out of
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: dance class because like it's just another whole thing for
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: her right now, and she wasn't coping with that as well.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: She was getting super emotional when she had to go,
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: So I was like, we're just like stopping that. There's
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: enough going on. And then, you know, even just like
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: with having a naturopath, there's all these new supplements, trying
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: to get her to take the supplements, and it's been
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: like the taste grows. They are fucking rank our kids
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: meant to do that, I know. So yeah, it's been
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: a journey, guys, and it's just kind of us now
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: we're in the unknown, we're in the limbo once we
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: actually have a diagnosis, so obviously be a lot more
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: we can.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Do to support her.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: School's being amazing, Like at the moment, what's happening is
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: we're actually dropping her straight to the school counselor rather
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: than to class and she gets to like draw a
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: flower with her and like go pat the guinea pigs.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: But basically, what the neuropsychologist is thinking is because she's
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: probably got this underlying issue that's going on, and she's
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: been masking for so long, she's been pushed to the
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: spot now where she can't hold her mask up anymore.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: She can't fake it. So it's just got to the
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: point now where like that's why the anxiety is showing
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: where it's coming from. It's not actually anxiety. It's because
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: she's masking and trying to quote unquote fit in, and
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: she's sick of having the mask up. She's got push
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: to the point where she's like, I can't fake this anymore.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: So it made a lot of sense to me when
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: she said in that way, because it did feel like
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: it came on quite quickly, Like now we kind of
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: know all the things that we know. I feel like
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: she probably is going to have a diagnosis with this.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Once we know and we can support her, I will
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: feel good, I think just right now because like even
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: the school and stuff, they're definitely doing things to help
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: with her. Like once we actually have like a diagnosis,
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: we'll know exactly what she's needing. Yeah, she's got a
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: break card now, so whenever she needs a break, she
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: just says like okay, or a teacher can say, I
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: feel like you need a break, Miller, do you want
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: to run up and go have a break, so she
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: can go like play Lego, but just being in the
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: classroom environment just seems to be very overwhelming for her.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: So that's just going to be the new thing for
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: us to navigate, you know. And I mean the coolest
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: thing is we've got so many people that are incredible
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: in their field that we're seeing and we're speaking to,
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: so you know, whatever their guidance is with us best
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: assisting Miller. I've had an influx of messages coming through
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: saying so many different opinions, and I just want to
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: straightway say like please, I know you're coming from a
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: good place, but right now, like we're getting advice from
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: professionals and like even his people being like homeschooler but
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: then like a professional right now is like saying, it's
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: just such a fine line. Once we know what's going on,
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: then we can start to make decisions because it's.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not going on online can give their opinion and
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: know what's right for your daughter at the end of
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: the day, even the medical professions like one hundred percent
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: you're weak listening and taking it all on. But you,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: as her mom, like you intuitively would make decisions it's
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: right for her and your family.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Until you're actually living and breathing it and having to
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: deal with like your child being so unhappy. Like the
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: other day, we're even at a birthday party and she
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't want to go. Then she was
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: like I do want to go. Then she's like I
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: don't want to go. And I was like, okay, well
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: let's just go and see how you feel, babe. We went,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: and like twenty minutes in she had this massive meltdown
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: and it was a lot. There was a lot going on,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: and I pulled her aside and she just started sobbing,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: and she was like, why can't I just be normal?
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: What's wrong with me? Like why am I feeling like this?
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: And I just held her and I was like, your
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: heart is your superpower, babe, Like all these big feelings
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: you're feeling, like, yes, they feel like a lot, but
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: there's so many beautiful things you can do with that,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: and like Mummy's always here to support you, like you know.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: And we just ducked away and just went and hid
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: in the back room for like an hour, and I
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: was like, but it's just now us as her parents
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: learning to adapt our lifestyle, because it's coming so hard
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: and fast. It's us now learning what her capacity is
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: and what she can and can't handle, because she's always
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: mastered and now she can't anymore. It's us learning to
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: support her and even little things like that. What we'll
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: probably do next time. I take two cars, so when
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: she's ready to leave, one of us can go.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Take her home. What you're going to have to do?
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so, but until you are in the city situation,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: because she was always fine, but we haven't been to
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: a birthday party for like a month, and she's obviously
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: gotten a lot worse within that time frame. So it's
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: just a whole new kettle of fish. It's just the
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: whole new journey, you know, learning to support her and
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: navigate her and without.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Answers to let you encourred her learning as well, Like
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: definitely learning as parents how to navigate this for her,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: for yourselves, to the other kids. Definitely what the future
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: looks like if you do get a diagnosis, what that
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: looks like, What treatments are there, what support is there? Yeah,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Financially like there's so many layers and financially.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: Too huge, Like I think in like one week, we
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: spent like probably five grand in appointments in one week,
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: and we're just like this is hectic, it's full on.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: It's a lot. And then yeah, like I mean the
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: other elements is like obviously I've definitely had my moments
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: with like not so much Reagan because I feel like
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I get a lot of one on one time with
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Rigs when the others you're at school, but Lincoln, like
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: whenever I have spare time, I've been really like all
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: hands on deck with him, like going and playing soccer
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: last night, playing Harry Potter with him. The night before,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: We're cuddling on the couch, like just trying to find
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: those pockets of time, but then also being there for
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Miller because she's needing me when she's emotional. It's just
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: been a juggling act. But we should have a diagnosis
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: by the end of October. Until then, it's just.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Day by day, day by day. Yeah, it's a lot
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: for all of you.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: It is a lot.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: She's very lucky to have you as a mama, though
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: I keep saying that to you, but she really is
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: like there's nothing more that you can do, Like you're
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: doing everything more and beyond to support her, make sure
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: she feels loved and it will be her superpower one day.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Like I just know it. I know it will be,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: it's just like you're in the thick of navigating it.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: That's really hard as a mama.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: It is because like the one thing you want to
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: be able to do is like consolidate your child, and
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: when everything you're doing, like you can't do that and
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: it's like happening daily, Yeah you do. You feel like
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: a failure.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: It's definitely triggering, of course, And like you said at start,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: you just want to take anything from them like you
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: would even when I was in hospital, Like I just
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm so glad this is me, not my kid,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: like you would just take all this sadness even if
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: they get a flu. I'm like, oh I wish I
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: was sick, not them.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like accepting it, right because it's only
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: been a few weeks.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm surrendering.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: So now it's like I'm surrendering. It's like this is
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: a new chapter and like this is our new normal
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: and I just want to figure out how I can
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: best support her and be therefore as a mum. And
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I think, you know, for a few weeks I was
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: definitely very solidly on her, which is great. But then
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: even when I had moments away from her, I was
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: dissociating and like keep myself busy with work again, felt
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: myself going back to my old ways of like not
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: wanting to deal with my shit. And then the last
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: like few days, I've been like what's going on here here?
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: And I've really started to kind of bring it all
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: back in and like, Okay, I need to keep connecting
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: to myself so I can be her best mum and
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: support her in the best way and not just like
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: cover everything up with extra things.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: And energetically too. It's hard for you to show up
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: if your cup's empty, yeah.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: But it's easier to like mentally sometimes like keep plotting
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: along when you keep like putting distractions in front of you,
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: so like I'm not having to deal with it, not
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: having deal with it, like yeah, you know, but yeah,
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: it's been to tears that first couple of weeks. Like
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: I was said to ask you to cry like five
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: times a day. She's just like an each your appointment
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: you go to, like you nearly feel like you're like
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: bad mouthing your kid, And I feel like it is
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: time that needs to be spoken about as well, but
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: it needs to happen. But like Kurt and I both
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: walked away and were like that was horrible, Like the
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: questions I asked, like just like all of her worst
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: traits because they need to try to get to a diagnosis.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: She's trying to understand this, so you're highlighting it and
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: having to say like all the yeah, and I feels
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: like we both just felt like and it's what Kurt
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: said to me. He's like, I feel so shit saying
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: it because she's like she's the best little girl, like
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: she's an actual angel, and I hate being there and
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: having to like pick apart. So I'm kind of glad
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: like that part's done, Like we've gone through that now.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: So that's why I said to Kinm, like we don't
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: have to do that anymore. Like we've got our team
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: of people and we've gone through the chat with each
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: of them. Now it's just like how can we support her?
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Thank goodness, it is a lot.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: Hey life, You're just like always throwing random things that
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: are coming up. But that's just part of the journey,
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: and you know, like I've just got to keep remembering
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: that it's happening for us for some sort of reason,
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: like obviously I'm supposed to be her support person and
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: be there for her. And she's supposed to be teaching
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: me some sort of lesson and for.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: A high purpose. That's everyone. That's it. She'll do something
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: really big one day, Like she'll definitely be some sort
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: of healer or she'll speak on stages. Yeah, she'll do
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: something really big with it, and it all because of
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: this journey that she's going on. You know, it's also
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: really valid to just be like, fuck, this feels a lot,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: this feels heavy, this is sad, this sucks, like why us,
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Like you're allowed to have those moments as well, and
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: even the distraction of work, like there's many ways that
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: we cope and some days that's what you might need.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Some days you might need to distract.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: And I reverted back to alcohol, saying ashally, I was like,
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: not proud of myself and like this is just me
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: having a vulnerable moment, being vulnerable on the podcast. But yeah,
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: that was another thing too. I was like I don't
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: want to feel all of this and I don't want
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: to think about it, especially while in the unknown and
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: not knowing. But I've stopped that now. Like my old
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: crutch was distraction with work and drinking and going into
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: my masculine and that's exactly what I did. It helps
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: you cope feel safe when I got pushed to that
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: point of being like, oh my god, I don't feel
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: safe anymore. It's like what can I do. It's like
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: go back to your old ways.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: And it puts you in control. I control work, and
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I control this and that, Like that does make you
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: feel safe here, whereas all this stuff kind of almost
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: feels like a bit out of your control. Definitely, all
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: you can do, which the feminine is, is all about
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: surrendering and trusting, Trusting in yourself, trusting in her that
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: she's got this and it's got this, Trusting the medical team, yeah,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: trusting in the school, trusting in the journey, trusting in
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: your family, dynamic, your unit, you container that you've held
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: for her, like, trusting in all of it.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: And yeah, the school thing's just such a fine line
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: as well, which we will chat more about. But sometimes
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: as well, when you take kids completely out of situations,
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: it can make it worse for them if they're struggling
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: in that way, because then they're not even having.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: To they're not exposed, they're not exposed to it.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: So it's just a fine line. We're walking and you know,
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: we're so open to whatever we need to do, but
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: I just want to make sure that I'm not rushing
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: to do anything the way and just make exploring all
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: options and you know what, whatever's meant to be will
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: pop up. I'm not going to be the perfect mum,
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: but I'm just trying the best to juggle it all.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Right now, all you can do is do the best.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: That's kind of the update.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: Well, hope you guys enjoyed the episode. Big catch up, Yeah,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: quite vulnerable open. We do have some exciting things coming
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: up for Grow and Glow. We're planning our very first
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: live event. It will be right here in Brisbane, which
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: is really exciting. Don't have dates yet, but we're hoping
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: by the end of the year, which is really really cool.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: And we have a new product coming out Wi's really exciting.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Stay tuned to our social media find out what it is.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: So freaking cool cool.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: And along with that same date of release, we'll be
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: doing a restock of our Grow and Glow Healing journal.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, bring it on, bring it on. Yeah, if you
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: guys haven't left a review as well, lift you make
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: sure you follow come over to the forum.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, If you love the episode, pop it up in
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: your story, share with your friends and family. It really
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: helps support us.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah all right, guys, we'll see you next time.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: Bye bye,