Latest / Camp Classics / Supergirl (1984)

Transcript

Supergirl (1984) · Camp Classics

0:00
We didn't even talk about his leather leisure suit.
0:02
There's no time. Get away from her, you bitch.
0:08
Classic. He was in the Amazon.
0:11
With my mom when she was researching spiders right before
0:13
she died. No, I used to love.
0:23
Doggy chow I used. To love doggy chow too.
0:28
I am Selena Diogenes of Catania, priestess of Seknet.
0:32
I am the ultimate siren of Endor.
0:35
And you, little lady, are trespassing on private property.
0:41
Just kidding, I'm Crystal. Well, I'm Cara of Argos City,
0:47
daughter of Allura and Zorrel, and I don't scare easily.
0:54
I'm baby lame. And welcome to Camp Classic A.
1:02
Thoughtful podcast about stupid movies.
1:05
Or, as I like to refer to it, a podcast that's clinging on for
1:09
dear life because of technical difficulties right now.
1:12
Listeners. Much like this movie we're
1:14
covering today. Honestly, I'm normally the
1:17
technophobe and it's normally Crystal that has her cool, but I
1:21
can see glimmers of you losing your shit.
1:25
I just had a mini meltdown, but we're through the worst of it.
1:30
We're through the trees, we're through the woods, through the
1:32
fire, as Chaka Khan said. It's so good to see you though,
1:35
Crystal. Yeah, yeah, it's not.
1:38
It's been so long. It's.
1:39
Not like we've been in each other's.
1:41
I was going to say asses, but that would be incorrect,
1:44
wouldn't it? Personal space.
1:46
Inner space. Inner space.
1:47
That's right, everyone. We've been vacating in Berlin,
1:50
which sounds so much fun, as I would have believed from all of
1:55
the social media that you've been posting.
1:57
I think he worked for the tourist board.
2:00
And a full of lies. Because when I went to Berlin it
2:03
was pissing down with rain. And because I want to be skinny
2:06
like an Olsen twin and I'm taking Monjaro.
2:09
Shit, piss, shit, piss, vomit. More vomit, more vomit.
2:14
Instead of going to any clubs. It's not.
2:16
Anatomy like lava? Well, that is what a lot of
2:19
people go to Berlin for. You have to understand the way I
2:23
am on here. Oh, I didn't think of that.
2:28
You know, so maybe we're just adopting local custom.
2:32
Yeah, I mean, I would recommend to go to Berlin everyone.
2:35
Maybe just don't go with Crystal and maybe no, we had a good
2:39
time, didn't we? I just, we did.
2:41
I just feel a bit sad I didn't get to do the full messy
2:44
experience of it. Well, it was very messy
2:46
actually, but just not TMI. Oops.
2:50
What are we listening to? It was very Bessie, that much I
2:54
can confirm. We haven't heard back from the
2:57
Airbnb yet. Well.
2:59
Speaking of the Airbnb, on the first night, listeners, I
3:02
vomited all over myself because clearly my poor little Monjaro
3:06
belly can't take margaritas and Mexican food.
3:11
And I'm working on their show at the moment where I'm writing a
3:13
script and oh, look what? As I've just found in my bag, it
3:16
is the IT is this the one script I had that I was learning from
3:21
that is yeah. Covered in in traces of vomit.
3:27
Tiger is a tiger, not a lamb. Mine hair.
3:31
Wow, it's not. I wouldn't call that a trace.
3:33
I would say it looks like it's been Like you know how you dip
3:37
letters in T to make them look aged?
3:39
Yes, yes, that is so disguised, I know.
3:44
And I, I was just going to write in the bin, but I thought I'd
3:46
show it to you on the on the old.
3:48
Wow, you carried that across the English Channel?
3:51
I did and they let it in. It's a relic.
3:54
Well, onwards and upwards. You know what else we did while
3:58
we were in Berlin, though? You may have missed the clubbing
4:00
experience, you may have missed some of the amazing tourist
4:02
attractions, the Cold War memorials, etcetera, etcetera.
4:05
Yes, but we did make time to go see the new Superman movie.
4:09
Oh my God, I imagine everyone. It's Sunday, we're in Berlin,
4:15
and we went to the cinema. We didn't just go to any old
4:17
cinema. No, we went to one in the middle
4:19
of a fucking rancid shopping centre.
4:22
But I knew you had a mental breakdown because I couldn't get
4:25
in. I couldn't find the fucking
4:26
entrance. And you were in key No 5 and I
4:29
couldn't get there. But no, we yeah, spent spent
4:32
some of that cultural day in in the cinema.
4:35
Yeah, what did you? So what did you think of
4:37
Superman? Very surprised the critical
4:41
acclaim and box office acclaim it seems to be getting because
4:45
it was a fucking hot mess. Yeah, it was messy.
4:49
Messy. Boots wasn't.
4:50
It, I mean, it literally was like, throw as much shit at the
4:55
wall as possible, see what sticks, and then hopefully we've
4:58
got a franchise. Yeah.
5:00
Yeah. I mean, and the like, the
5:03
positive I would say is that some of it did stick bits and
5:06
pieces, but it just felt like a jumbled, old chaotic, yeah,
5:11
messy boots situation. Yeah, but there was one thing
5:16
that is I'm going to do a Segway now, and there was an
5:19
introduction of a character who could have very well been on a
5:23
night out in Berlin with you. She was very your energy,
5:26
Supergirl. Yeah, she she was a scene
5:31
stealing final act moment, wasn't she?
5:34
Very Avril Lavigne coded. Yeah, the new Supergirl, she's
5:40
just a rock chick. She likes to rock out.
5:43
I like to. Scream.
5:43
I like to holler. I like to break things.
5:45
I like to yell. Yeah, we needed to.
5:47
We got into the cinema where, to be honest, I felt a little bit
5:50
embarrassed to be there, especially I was sat next to my
5:53
friend and we had been debating going to Bergheim yesterday.
5:56
But instead we started to go to the cinema like, oh we, we could
5:59
have gone to the greatest club in the world, but instead we're
6:02
in a shopping mall watching this piece of slop.
6:04
Well, again, I didn't know that was really on the cards because
6:07
I would have absolutely just gone for a couple of hours just
6:11
to dance and just have some joy. But I was like, Oh well, so I do
6:16
what I do. When I'm through, then I'm
6:19
through. Berlin, yeah.
6:21
So we watched that and then we needed a palette cleanser, so we
6:25
decided to watch 1984 Supergirl. So yeah, double bill, double
6:29
bill. It's summer blockbuster energy.
6:32
We've got a new Supergirl movie on the way next year, so why
6:35
not? It's always a good time to watch
6:37
1984 Supergirl. Indeed, and also a member of our
6:40
Gatreon, Jonathan requested this back in the day when we started.
6:45
So this one is for you. How do you remember that?
6:47
I know Jonathan, and Jonathan has messaged me.
6:50
Why haven't you done Supergirl? So we're doing it for you now,
6:54
Jonathan. This is for you Jonathan, this
6:57
one's for you. You mentioned the Gatreon.
7:00
Nice plug. We have a Gatreon.
7:02
It's £4 a month. You get a bonus episode every
7:05
month. And I would love to welcome our
7:08
new members Drew C and Hugo, and also a couple mystery members
7:14
who joined via Spotify whose names I can't see.
7:17
Mystery members, so they like the cockers of the podcast
7:21
world. Yeah, or like, I guess it's
7:23
voyeurs, isn't it? It's like Peep Show.
7:25
Yeah, they're watching us, but we can't see them.
7:29
But we kind of know that they're there because we aren't doing
7:31
it. We.
7:32
Can see them twitching the little Spotify curtain and you
7:41
know, if you're listening to this and you can't subscribe to
7:43
the Gayatrion, well, you could just go and leave us a five star
7:48
review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and that would be not as
7:52
appreciated, but you know, it would get you closer.
7:55
It would make you shut the fuck up to be quite honest wasn't it?
7:59
I feel like this validation is is never going to go away, so we
8:02
need to actively encourage 5 star reviews please.
8:07
Absolutely, and we'll read them out.
8:09
In fact, we've had some feedback, Ren says.
8:12
I've devoured your podcast over the last two weeks and I'm
8:15
having an absolute blast. Would you consider doing an
8:18
episode on Spice World? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:22
I mean, what else can you possibly do in this evening?
8:25
Were you ever a Spice Girl fan? Not really.
8:28
I was a little too old and I felt like when they were big in
8:34
Canada it was it was more for like 8 year old girls and I was
8:37
like 13 at that time. So I just, I just kind of missed
8:40
it. Yeah, I feel like I, I also
8:43
wasn't a fan, but, and because of my job in TV, I've met all of
8:47
them except for Victoria at various stages of their careers.
8:51
And it's, it's been like the low levels, you know what I mean?
8:54
It's been like, you know, Jerry Halliwell's Eugenia Lavender
8:58
books or, you know, like the, I feel like they've, they've,
9:02
their careers have been very up and down.
9:05
But I think because of the shows I've worked on that I've, I've
9:07
seen them right at the bottom. So I, it's hard for me to kind
9:11
of get like, wow, do you know what I mean?
9:13
That's that's good though, because that means we'll, we'll
9:16
come into the episode with some anecdotes.
9:18
I mean, I have stories to tell about Jerry Halliwell and also
9:22
famously Victoria Beckham once gave me a dirty once over.
9:26
Which is brilliant. And and I worked with Emma
9:29
Bunta, she was ATV presenter on a show I produced and she used
9:33
to blame lots of things on me even when I hadn't done the
9:36
wrong thing. So there we.
9:38
Go. That's what I mean.
9:39
Emma taught me everything I know.
9:42
There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the
9:45
stairs after you. But baby, before we go any
9:49
further, I know people are dying to know what makes a camp
9:52
classic. Well, a camp classic is
9:55
something that should unlock queer joy, in the words of the
9:59
legend Megan Fox. What do we want, Crystal?
10:04
A wedding. You give me such a wedding.
10:08
It needs to have an ongoing legacy, something that will make
10:12
you come back for more. I say that like that because I'm
10:15
reading from a list and I've spelt come cum.
10:17
So it needs to be so stupid. It's genius.
10:21
If it makes sense, it's probably not camp.
10:24
It needs to feed into queer pop culture, and ultimately, we want
10:29
flasted energy, a flop, rejected by the mainstream, resurrected
10:35
by all of the gorgeous gays in the world.
10:39
Love it. We are really putting effort
10:42
into this because of the earlier technical breakdown, aren't we?
10:44
I can. I can sense we're both ramping
10:46
up our energy levels here. Well, actually, the Omegahedron
10:51
which powers this podcast flew out of my Berlin apartment
10:54
window and it's really just got caused the whole Camp Classics
11:00
HQ to go haywire. So.
11:03
We're going to need a hero to swoop in and and save us.
11:06
Hopefully she's got some energy she can give us because today we
11:13
are covering 1984's Supergirl. This movie was on all the time
11:24
when I was growing up. This was a real kind of
11:27
Christmas time holidays kind of movie.
11:31
And I've never really watched the main Superman man films like
11:36
with what's his chops, what's his name?
11:38
Christopher Reeves. Chris, RIP Christopher Reeves.
11:41
Yeah, wasn't really bothered by him, but obviously as a little
11:45
raving faggot, adored this movie.
11:49
And yeah, I just, I grew up with it, so I've got a lot of a lot
11:54
of love with it, but I've not hadn't watched it for a good few
11:56
years, so it was interesting to watch a bit older.
12:01
What about you? I'd only seen it once before and
12:03
it was probably only 10 years ago.
12:06
The first time I saw it, I didn't see it as a kid.
12:09
I think my husband introduced it to me.
12:11
So I think last night when we watched it was the second time
12:14
I'd seen it and wow, I loved it so much.
12:17
It's a real cackle fest, isn't it?
12:21
Yeah, yeah. There's there's a lot to
12:24
process. There's a lot to.
12:26
Process. There really is.
12:27
There really is. Well, let's get into some of the
12:30
reviews and box office. This movie was directed by Jeano
12:37
Schvark. They did Jaws too, didn't they?
12:40
They did Jaws too, and they've directed a lot of TV.
12:44
Oh really? What?
12:45
Not a lot of big movies but like just name ATV show, they've
12:48
probably done an episode or two of it.
12:49
OK, like CSI or are they dead? Yeah, that like that vibe.
12:55
Ali Mcbeal like Supernatural. Charmed.
12:59
Yeah, probably Smallville. They did it like a whole season.
13:02
Yeah, well, that makes sense, doesn't it?
13:04
It does. It does.
13:05
So they they've done well, he's done well.
13:08
Make let that be known. The binary is real people.
13:13
Crystal likes to enforce binary terms.
13:16
No, I I did watch the making of Supergirl today and he is a man.
13:22
Oh, okay. In a sexy way or.
13:26
In like a kind of tiny, fat, greasy European sort of way.
13:32
And he's always got his top off. One point it looks like he's
13:35
wearing a little diaper. Great.
13:36
OK, so that's a sexy image for you.
13:39
Again, Berlin vibes. Very me.
13:42
Yep, it was a fine a fair, but now it's over.
13:49
But this movie was written by David Odell.
13:52
You say that you say that name like I meant to know who that
13:55
is. Well, do you know what else he
13:57
has written? Tell me when you find out.
14:00
It's going to make so much sense, OK?
14:03
Because he wrote Masters of the Universe.
14:06
Oh my fucking God, it feels reductive all this time.
14:15
It's the same. Movie.
14:18
It's kind of the exact same movie.
14:21
In lots of ways. Oh wow.
14:24
Yeah. I am I am flabbergasted.
14:30
So I'm a fan of his work. Clearly you're an Odell head.
14:35
Shit, what else has he written? He also did the Dark Crystal.
14:41
Yeah, I like that. I'm not.
14:43
I haven't watched it for ages but.
14:44
Yeah, yeah. And then other things.
14:47
Also, he's like a little, he's in his like little fantasy film
14:50
box. Reductive and doing quite badly
14:54
at it, I would say. I mean, two out of three real
15:01
bad movie stinkers. Yeah, stinkers.
15:04
Berlin again, sorry. This movie had a budget of
15:10
around $35 million. It was.
15:12
That's a big budget. It's about $85 million today.
15:17
Oh wow. That's like kind of as big as
15:19
movies come, really. But it was a flaccid, flaccid
15:25
box office. It took 14 million in North
15:29
America and it's got 21% on Rotten Tomatoes.
15:35
And the new Superman has what? 82.
15:39
Fucking hell. Make it make sense?
15:41
But this is a well, we'll get into it, but I'm not sure that
15:46
that 21% isn't deserved. Do you think this movie is like
15:50
well known? No, I'm going to say no.
15:58
I think like probably if you like underground or queer
16:02
cinema, everyone who likes that has seen this movie.
16:06
But like, there's probably like a steep Cliff and of people who
16:10
are just casual movie viewers who don't know this.
16:12
Yeah, and I think it's one of those films that I, I genuinely
16:16
think people would enjoy it if they were aware of it.
16:19
But it's it's just got, it's a lost one, isn't it?
16:21
It doesn't. It hasn't.
16:22
It doesn't have the same stature as any of the earlier Superman
16:28
films, even though there were some duds in there like Superman
16:30
3's Terrible, isn't it? But at least they're kind of
16:33
known a bit more. But no, it's faded away.
16:37
Shame. Well, here is the plot.
16:39
So there's a lot of plot in this movie.
16:41
Yada yada yada. Yeah, we'll do our best.
16:45
So we've got Cara Zorrell, who is the cousin of Superman.
16:49
She lives in Argo City, which is kind of like a 70s hippie
16:54
commune in. Space.
16:57
It's stunning, isn't it? It's like an arts and crafts
17:01
centre. Yeah, we put like modern art
17:02
gallery and we were talking about it's very like soft
17:05
sculpture and beautiful handmade textiles.
17:11
So many textiles. So, and like, why can't the
17:15
future be represented in that way?
17:17
We always see a lot like very. Chrome and metal, but why not
17:21
textiles? Yeah, OK, why not a gorgeous
17:24
hanging? Yeah, and I mean.
17:27
Why not crochet in space? Yes, yes, I fully support you.
17:34
Anyway, this city is full of Kryptonians who escaped the
17:39
destruction of Krypton. I think a.
17:40
City. Sorry, I think a city is a bit
17:43
generous. It's more like a yurt.
17:45
OK, yeah, but this space yurt is full of Kryptonians who escaped
17:52
Krypton's destruction and made it to inner space, which is not
17:57
outer space, it's inner space. Was this quite a dated looking
18:02
film because it is giving like late 60s early 70s Woodstock it?
18:06
Really. Is it really is.
18:08
It really reminded me of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
18:11
The word I want to use is groovy.
18:15
Everyone on this Kryptonian space yard is very groovy.
18:20
They are very acid coded as well.
18:24
They've been taking mushrooms. We meet Zoltar who is a techno
18:30
wizard, artist, sort of guy, cult leader figure.
18:34
And this, he's got a magic. This is where the this is where
18:37
the Masters of the Universe connection comes in, because
18:40
this guy, Peter O'Toole, who is a famous actor, I know he is,
18:44
but no fucking clue what he's been in.
18:46
But it's like big. Lawrence of Arabia.
18:48
Oh OK. Oh cultural appropriation man.
18:51
Racist, black based man. This.
18:55
Let's be real, he's not at the fucking Globe, but his
18:59
performance. You would think he was reciting
19:01
Shakespearean text. Oh yeah, he is going for it.
19:05
He is. Jumping on that text.
19:08
Yeah, and it's amazing. But he does have sex toys to
19:12
play with. He does.
19:15
So he's got a little rotating orange crystal wand and he's got
19:21
like maybe a vibrating egg. Yeah, he gives them.
19:25
He gives them both to car and. They kind of connect, don't
19:27
they? So like, you can make, you can
19:29
make the butt butt thing rattle if you stick the wand at it.
19:35
Yeah. So it's a bit like if we went
19:37
out in public and I popped it in your bum and we're sat somewhere
19:41
public and then I have a little wiggle at the wand that's going
19:44
to be kind of doing all sorts of menace inside of you.
19:49
All sorts of menace. I would never give you the
19:55
control of anything going anywhere near my butt.
19:58
Let's be clear. You can't be trusted, right?
20:03
This orb, it's the it's called the Omegahedron.
20:06
And for some reason he's taken it out of its safe place in the
20:10
city because it powers the whole city and he's using it to make
20:14
some art. And he just hands it over to our
20:16
girl Cara, who then? Has a real moment where her legs
20:20
are splayed and she's holding a vibrating wand in one hand and
20:23
she's. I don't know if it was the
20:26
cropping of the version we were watching, but it really looked
20:29
like she was about to go to town.
20:31
Oh, that, that wand, that ball was barely going to touch the
20:37
sides. It was going all the way in.
20:41
She accidentally makes a dragonfly which is powerful
20:45
enough to RIP through the walls the paper thin walls of Argos
20:49
City. The.
20:49
Walls are made out of like a kind of a plastic sheath.
20:54
So. So yeah, surprising really that
20:58
they could, they could get through that.
21:00
Yeah, and the Omigahedron, which was the power source for this
21:04
whole city, just flies right out into space.
21:06
And Cara nearly gets sucked out too.
21:09
It it's a it's a lot of drama going on in the 1st 5 minutes.
21:13
So Cara decides to follow the amigahedron.
21:17
She gets in a spaceship and flies off towards Earth, and as
21:21
she's flying, she transforms into Supergirl.
21:25
For reasons we don't know why. She's just in this orb.
21:29
She's kind of having like an acid trip going through all of
21:32
these interdimensional portal sort of situations.
21:34
So then we cut to Earth. We meet Selena, who is played by
21:37
Faye Dunaway. She's having a picnic and
21:39
talking about how she wants to take over the Earth.
21:42
Now she's not just having a picnic though, is she?
21:45
She is dining on a dead tiger. Yeah, like a Siberian tiger.
21:53
Yeah. I mean that's a boss bitch move.
21:55
Yeah, there is not enough time in the world to talk about Faye
21:59
Dunaway in this movie, but some important things to know is that
22:03
she's always got Morticia Adams key lighting on her face.
22:05
Yes, absolutely. I'd say 80% of the time she's
22:09
got a win machine. And a good win machine as well.
22:13
A good win machine. Yeah.
22:14
And she's also delivering lines and dialogue that would fit in
22:21
like a Shakespearean drama. I'd also like to add that the
22:25
WIG is like a triple stack. We're not.
22:30
We're not dealing with just like a single unit there.
22:33
She has inches. Mama.
22:37
Sometimes it is so mental, the hair sculpture that is going on
22:42
with her. I saw a behind the scenes
22:45
interview with her friend in the film, Bianca, who we'll talk
22:50
about, and the interview was saying that Faye Dunaway was
22:55
meant to be a nightmare on set. You know, what was her
22:58
experience and the actress, what's her name?
23:01
Brenda Vaccaro. Yeah, Brenda Vaccaro was asked
23:05
about working with Faye Dunaway. And basically she just her
23:09
answer to everything was I just didn't stand up for any of her
23:11
shit. So Faye Dunaway was like,
23:15
apparently just like howling instructions, you know, having
23:19
breakdowns, being a diva. And like good old Brenda was
23:22
just like, not today bitch, I'm not having it.
23:25
And then intercut this video with clips of Faye Dunaway
23:29
talking about their working relationship.
23:31
Brenda and I, you know, were kind of were sort of like a
23:33
double act really. And we found that we were
23:35
reacting very well to each other and the chemistry between us
23:38
was, was interesting and looks and and all sorts of things
23:41
would would happen unplanned, the spontaneity.
23:44
This is Faye Dunaway after Mummy Dearest, isn't it?
23:48
Yeah, it's about 3 years later. So we are really sinking now in
23:53
terms of her status as an Oscar winning actress into this
23:58
territory. I mean, they didn't even want
24:00
her for this movie, and I heard reports that they considered
24:04
canning her partway through production because she was so
24:06
hard to work with. Oh.
24:08
Shit. I mean, this is this is off of
24:10
like IMDb trivia, so it's possibly not true.
24:12
I couldn't find like a proper source, but yeah, apparently the
24:15
director threatened to fire her and replace her because she was
24:18
being so difficult. But that's, that's what we're
24:20
getting to with billing though, aren't we?
24:23
It's like, you know, 10 years before that, my God, we've got
24:27
Faye Dunaway. We've got Faye Dunaway.
24:29
And now it's just like. They apparently offered Dolly
24:31
Parton 9 million to do this movie and she said no because
24:35
apparently Dolly Parton would never play a witch.
24:38
I understand. I can't imagine Dolly Parton
24:40
playing this character, can you? Well, it a.
24:44
Witch. It no, I can't really imagine
24:46
it, but it it makes sense more what they were trying, maybe
24:50
trying to get from the character.
24:52
But but allegedly Faye Dunaway said that.
24:56
I mean, we're really getting to the weeds now, but Faye Dunaway
24:58
said that she wanted to make it funnier and the director
25:01
wouldn't let her and wanted her to be the straight man.
25:05
And I don't know if that's just because Faye Dunaway doesn't
25:07
really do comedy. I don't know.
25:09
No shares. No, no she doesn't.
25:11
Really. Imagine?
25:12
I don't think so. She does not do intentional
25:14
comedy. She's she has a few punchline
25:17
gags and really, really failed at setting them up in this.
25:22
I mean, she's hysterical because she is playing Joan Crawford in
25:27
this movie. Yeah.
25:28
Why can't you give? Me, the respect that I'm
25:33
entitled to. It's the most serious
25:37
performance of an evil witch trying to take over the world
25:40
that you have ever seen in a movie that is otherwise so
25:44
silly. It's just really, really
25:46
remarkable. And I felt personally attached
25:50
to Selena's character because she lives in a ghost train.
25:55
And it made me think of a lot of the items I have in my flat from
25:58
like, ghost trains. And I was like, Oh my God, am I
26:00
Selena? I think I might be Selena.
26:02
Oh my God, that is me. It makes a lot of sense, really.
26:06
It really does. Yeah.
26:07
She lives her and Bianca. Bianca is played by, as we said,
26:11
Brenda Vaccaro, who I think played Joey's mom on Friends.
26:15
That's how I knew her. But yeah, they're, they're this
26:17
like coven of witches living in an abandoned amusement park, but
26:20
they're really worried about the bills they've got to pay.
26:23
It's like such a classic thing for like a villain to take over
26:26
an abandoned spot. But I don't think if you do
26:28
that, you still have to pay like your water bill.
26:31
Well, it you know, they could be doing a guardianship because
26:36
then you do need to pay bills, don't you?
26:38
Yeah, that's true. But it was giving in.
26:40
Chips in Illinois and 80. Well, it was giving like
26:43
warehouse. Yeah.
26:45
Vibe, wasn't it? They're just, they're just kind
26:47
of, well, this is the other depressing thing.
26:49
Watching this while I was having like a sort of a midlife crisis
26:53
in Berlin because I literally wasn't doing anything.
26:56
I'm basically the age of those women as well.
26:58
So that was another reason to hate my life.
27:03
Well, that, I mean, Selena really was on an upward
27:06
trajectory for a bit there. So, you know, there's still
27:10
there's still hope for you. OK, Fuck this plot.
27:15
So Selena. Oh, the the Omega Hadron lands
27:18
in Selena's pot of Nacho cheese. And Selena's like, Oh my God,
27:25
what's that? And she recognizes that it's
27:27
like a source of power and that it could probably be her ticket
27:31
to world domination. So she takes it.
27:36
She's got these lines which I'm going to read because they're so
27:39
insane. She's holding the omegahedron,
27:42
and she says immortality be upon this one.
27:46
She is a sharer of the sun's everlasting life.
27:49
There will now be no danger of death.
27:51
The world will keep her forever. What does it mean?
27:55
Who can say? Who can say?
27:56
Who can say, but she's like fuck you Nigel and she's going to
28:02
make her own way being a boss witch.
28:06
Cara also arrives on Earth and she's granted Superman's powers
28:11
by the sun. This.
28:13
I mean what happens here? How does she discover her
28:15
powers? But it's all just a bit fucking.
28:19
She picks up a flower, doesn't she?
28:21
And then using her heat vision, she makes the flower bloom.
28:26
Whereas actually she should really be able to go through
28:28
like a bank door with that. What else did she do?
28:33
She has a lot of ballet. Yeah, there's a lot of this in
28:37
the making of the aerial ballet. Yeah, it's a very gentle
28:41
approach, isn't it? It's the the womanly approach to
28:44
having superpowers. So she's a lot slower, it's a
28:48
lot more balletic. The director apparently said
28:52
Superman is power and strength, but Supergirl is more style and
28:56
elegance. And that's.
28:57
Just like the rules of feminism. And that really does say a lot
29:01
about this movie. And you can.
29:03
Yeah, you can see it in the way she flies.
29:04
There's a lot of arm movement. Supergirl was saying in the
29:07
making of that she couldn't do, she couldn't move very much when
29:11
she was in the harness for the flying.
29:12
But her arms were very free. So she had to give it a lot of
29:15
arm energy. And it's it is very fluttery,
29:18
floaty. Yeah.
29:20
Graceful. Then we've got like this pretty
29:23
horrible rape threat scene. Oh yeah, that was, that was a
29:27
nice, that was a nice Sunday night view, wasn't it?
29:29
Yeah, these two truckers try and rape Supergirl and she beats
29:34
them up. Well she doesn't even beat them
29:36
up, she gracefully kicks 1 and like they slowly, kind of
29:41
leisurely lift up and kind of fall back on some bins to the
29:46
point where they go to the other one.
29:48
We shouldn't tell anyone this happened.
29:50
Yeah, it's very. It's played for like slapsticky
29:54
sort of Yeah vibes. But yeah, again, she's just too
29:59
graceful, isn't she? Yeah, yeah.
30:02
And then she's looking for the Omigahedron, obviously.
30:06
Oh, we didn't. Did we say this?
30:07
But the Omigahedron, because it powers the city, all of her
30:10
friends and family are going to die.
30:11
Yeah, and how long? Have they got in?
30:12
Two days in 2 days. Couple a couple couple days.
30:15
I'm not entirely. Sure.
30:16
And it was like urgent matters because it's like their lights
30:19
are going to dim and then that will be the end of it.
30:21
So. So really, she's.
30:22
Slowly going to suffocate in. In this space, I think with
30:25
that, the pacing of this movie would be she'd be pretty fucking
30:29
desperate to find. I mean, she wouldn't get
30:31
distracted by a local school or anything, would she?
30:34
No, she wouldn't decide to become a high school student.
30:37
Yeah, and and hang out with a little lesbian friend.
30:41
Yeah, Yeah. So Cara enrolls at a boarding
30:47
school and befriends Lucy Lane, who is Lois Lane's sister.
30:52
Sister. Yeah, and she also meets and
30:58
becomes enamoured with Ethan, who is the school groundskeeper,
31:02
who's probably in his early 30s. Yeah.
31:06
He definitely shouldn't be working at that all girls school
31:09
because I think he's been having sex with lots of those girls and
31:13
I think it's very, very bad. But yeah, she's, you know, she
31:17
wants an education. So yeah, she's gone to a lot of
31:21
effort in pretending that Clark Kent is sponsoring her.
31:25
And she has. She's an orphan, She's made-up a
31:28
back story. She's going to borrow clothes.
31:31
She's gets really into her studying and all because why?
31:36
Why does she need to have any form of?
31:39
It's unclear, I think. Yeah, I guess the movie was just
31:43
like, wouldn't it be fun if she her secret entity was high
31:46
school? But there is no reason in this
31:49
movie for this girl to do this. But I'm glad that they did stick
31:52
to, you know, the, the, the known hair colouring of, of
31:56
individuals and that is dark hair, sensible blonde hair,
32:01
powerful, pretty. And that's just like the rules
32:04
of feminism. When she transforms, she's got a
32:06
little brown Bob. The other thing with Supergirl
32:10
is like she doesn't know anything about Earth because
32:12
she's obviously been born and raised in in the space yard.
32:17
So she doesn't know like what a train is or a tree or anything
32:22
like that. But she does know that she needs
32:24
a reference letter to get admitted to boarding school.
32:28
I mean, I'm not even sure she'd understand what the concept of
32:30
school is, but she knows how to use a typewriter and fake a
32:34
reference letter to get into school.
32:37
Anyway, the school storyline kind of gets raised but then
32:40
dropped pretty fast. But there are some bullies that
32:42
she fights with. And also we get to see again the
32:46
young girls in their underwear in showers scenes.
32:51
Maybe that's why they put in the the school at all, really, just
32:55
to have an excuse to have teenage girls in the shower
32:58
because it's the 80s. It is the 80s, yes.
33:01
I quite like I quite went to the movies.
33:04
The the evil girl who wanted to like, burn their skin off in the
33:09
shower. I was quite impressed with her.
33:11
Yeah, there's like a bully who's she tries to scald all the girls
33:15
with hot water and she also tries to hit a a field hockey
33:20
puck hard enough that I think it would have killed someone.
33:26
She she she also, she says in that shower, because her
33:29
friends, like, why don't we just turn on the cold water, give
33:33
them a surprise. I don't know why they're Mickey
33:34
Mouse now, but yeah. And then she returns.
33:37
So what? They lose a little skin.
33:39
She's a fucking psychopath. I'll tell you.
33:42
I'll tell you something. Supergirl should not be fucking
33:45
worrying about Selena. There is a murdering fucking
33:49
schoolgirl on the loose. You're so right, it's all right.
33:53
But anyway, that's the also the last we see of these bullies.
33:55
OK, so now this movie turns into a love triangle because Selena
34:01
also sees Ethan and at first I didn't understand why.
34:07
Did you explain this to me? Yeah, so basically the Wibbly
34:10
Ball, because it's connected to Kara, that's what's her other
34:17
name. Linda.
34:18
Lee So Cara. Linda Lee.
34:21
Supergirl. Because why she couldn't call
34:25
herself Cara, I don't know. No, she had.
34:28
To get. Again, she's so invested in this
34:31
undercover like mission that is not needed.
34:34
It's like Cara, you can just exist with your blonde hair.
34:38
You don't need to make any friends, you just need to find
34:41
the fucking source. You have a fucking tracking
34:43
device on your bracelet bitch, come on.
34:48
Your family and friends and your entire planet are all going to
34:51
die on the year in less than two days.
34:54
Now you probably have a day and a half left.
34:56
But she also. Needs to matriculate and make
34:59
friends. Also, there's no.
35:02
Sense that we never returned to the year to see the problems are
35:07
happening there. Maybe the lights are dimming.
35:09
Nothing on her bracelet. She literally doesn't give a
35:13
shit. Death to all of them.
35:18
But yeah, so her bracelet, that gorgeous little it to me, it's
35:22
kind of what you would get in like Camden Stables Market, you
35:26
know, like a little indie jeweler is connected to the
35:30
Wibbly Ball and it the ball wibbles whenever it's near.
35:33
So the ball is wibbling while Selena has it in the car, But
35:36
she sees Ethan the gardener and I think then she connects the
35:41
wibble to him and thinks wow, my balls are wibbling because of
35:45
him. Wibbling.
35:47
Is that even a word? All all of our.
35:49
Balls were wibbling watching shirtless Ethan.
35:52
I think he's actually painting a tree in that scene.
35:56
And what's his name? What's his real name?
35:57
As well. Hart Bochner.
35:59
God. That's such an American actor.
36:01
Name, isn't it? So, yeah, so basically Selena's
36:04
like, well I need to fucking get this man, don't I?
36:07
Yeah, she does. She.
36:08
Thinks that the orb is telling her something so she concocts a
36:12
love spell, invites him over and there's like a real like horny
36:17
seduction scene. She gives him a drink, he gets
36:20
all woozy and when he wakes up the first person he sees he's
36:25
going to be in love with. Now what could possibly go
36:27
wrong? Also I appreciate.
36:31
The horny seduction scene, he is not interested at all.
36:36
Yeah, he's at this point. In the movie, he's like a real
36:39
like kind of yob, isn't he? He's like kind of an A New York,
36:43
NY dumb dumb, but what So what happened?
36:46
So he's so he's drunk. The love potion got no woozy,
36:50
but then he regains consciousness while Selena's out
36:53
and he starts to wander the streets.
36:55
So Selena uses her new found powers to animate a backhoe to
37:00
retrieve Ethan and that is giving me.
37:03
That's giving me escape room. It's like she's, she's got to,
37:07
you know, manoeuvre a, a, a machine with a joystick or
37:11
something with her hands. She's, she's not really getting
37:14
the a grasp of it, is she? She's quite sort of slow with
37:17
what she's doing. Well, she's causing a.
37:20
Lot of property damage. I mean, I think about four or
37:25
five cars get crushed. A gas station gets set on fire,
37:29
there's a tire fire, like a bunch of sharp fronts get
37:34
demolished. I think a lady gets crushed in
37:36
one. Crushed to death.
37:38
Where you. Said crushed to death.
37:39
Yeah. Yeah, there's a wedding that
37:41
nearly gets steamrolled. Oh yeah, Do you know what?
37:44
I really appreciated about this. I feel like in your more modern
37:47
films, you know, Superman, that we saw CGI, the action is just
37:53
so fast. It's like boom, boom, boom,
37:55
boom. This movie, they went really
37:58
slow with it, so you could really just take in every single
38:03
beat of what was happening because it was very, very slow,
38:06
wasn't it? Oh, it's a truck.
38:08
Carrying a bunch of bales of hay.
38:10
We better watch that slowly spill all of its bales of hay.
38:15
I'm glad we've got 10 seconds of that and then you've got.
38:19
What's the name from Grease 2? Lucy Lane.
38:22
Lucy Lane. She jumps into the vehicle
38:26
because she's trying to save. Because it's cat Heroic.
38:29
It captures Ethan, doesn't it? Eventually.
38:32
Oh, it does. Yeah.
38:32
So he's stuck. In the the the claw mouthpiece
38:36
dumpster sort of situation, it's very robot.
38:40
Wars. Did you ever watch Robot Wars as
38:42
a kid? It's so.
38:43
It's so it's and Lucy gets in there to try and save him.
38:46
She's promptly knocked out. Yeah, knocked out, unconscious.
38:49
And I mean, it's going, it's going at a pace this yeah, it's
38:53
going at. Least 10 miles an hour, so yeah,
38:56
so. She's unconscious.
38:58
Ethan's trapped in the the mouth of the machine.
39:03
People are screaming it. There's a lot going on.
39:06
Well, if only we had well. Someone to come into the rescue.
39:10
Well, because Bloody Linda. Lee is munching down on the
39:12
Popeyes still, isn't she? There is such an insane Popeyes
39:20
product placement, which is happening throughout all of
39:22
this. They're they literally like, oh,
39:26
will you pass me that chicken? Oh, I think I'll have a Diet
39:28
Coke. Oh, could you pass me the root
39:30
beer? Yeah.
39:31
Popeyes gets mentioned multiple times.
39:33
The first time they talk about Popeyes, I was like, oh, they're
39:36
going to go to like, the bar in town, which is run by a guy
39:40
called Popeye. It's like a, you know, the local
39:43
hunt. No, no, it is Popeye's fast food
39:46
restaurant. Yeah, where they're having a
39:47
party. A really cool event, aren't
39:49
they? Yeah, it features.
39:50
Prominently so, yeah, all of this shit is.
39:52
Going down and Linda Lee is still sat at the table, kind of
39:56
just watching it. But she decides.
39:59
She decides to help, transforms into Supergirl and I guess she
40:03
saves the day. She well, she does some
40:05
impressive. Things, doesn't she?
40:07
Yeah, she flies. Through a water.
40:09
Tower. Yeah, and then and drizzles.
40:11
Down some water. Yeah, there's some electrical
40:14
cables that she breaks with her eyes.
40:18
Yeah. And.
40:19
She rips the front off the tractor and flies Ethan to
40:22
safety, leaving her. Friend in the vehicle to just
40:26
drive, which is still running, yeah.
40:28
While she's still. Unconscious, yeah, but she
40:29
leaves her. And yeah, that could have ended
40:33
quite nastily. But yeah, that's what that's
40:35
what good old Linda does. So you know they built.
40:37
That entire town on the Pinewood lot.
40:40
I read this today. Yeah.
40:43
I mean, you can tell it's quiet. I can tell a lot of.
40:46
Shots of this one St. in town. Yeah.
40:48
And it's, you know, it's. Not a Superman.
40:50
We're not. We're not talking about a big
40:51
city, are we? It's it's just a town.
40:54
They're just in. Yeah, well, it's Midville.
40:56
Not to be confused with Smallville.
41:00
So yeah. So Ethan's.
41:01
Rescued. Yeah.
41:03
Oh, oh, the other thing I was going to say.
41:04
Is that that apparently it took them 22 days to shoot this
41:08
tractor scene? 22 days. 22 days.
41:12
Is that because of the amount? Of time it took to physically
41:15
move at that pace because it was that slow.
41:20
By all means, move at a glacial pace.
41:22
You know how that thrills me? The other thing I really enjoyed
41:27
watching the making of. I mean it don't watch the making
41:30
of, but the director takes it all so seriously.
41:33
Like there's a so many shots of him and Cara discussing, like
41:38
her motivation when she's going to be doing this action.
41:41
And like, oh, let's talk about the physicality of like how it's
41:44
going to look when you tear that bit off the tractor or like, oh,
41:47
let's try it with you when you're fault, when you're
41:49
floating down to earth. Like if you used your hands a
41:51
bit as though that was slowing you down.
41:52
He's like putting so much thought into these details,
41:55
which he's taking it his job very seriously and somehow still
41:58
coming up with a real pile of shit.
42:01
Yeah, it is. It's so shit.
42:04
It is a thing of beauty though, that scene.
42:06
It really is. Yeah, the whole movie.
42:11
The whole movie. So yeah, as you say, he she's
42:14
rescued Ethan and obviously then he wakes up and falls in love
42:17
with her. And so now we've got a love
42:20
triangle on her hands. Doesn't the coconut?
42:22
Fall on his head Is that another time?
42:24
Is that another time? This is when the coconut.
42:28
Flying Coconut flies through the air and hits him on the head and
42:32
he's unconscious for the second time of this movie.
42:36
Also because I wrote. Down in my notes, it's giving
42:39
Amdran Midsummer Night's Dream. Yeah, I also had.
42:42
The exact lot, I think. Did we both do Amdran
42:45
productions of Midsummer Night's Dream?
42:46
Yes, we did and I would. Like to talk about this who?
42:49
Who did you play in A Midsummer Night's Dream?
42:51
What's his name? Demetrius, I think I was.
42:55
Demetrius as well. I need to look.
42:58
At the characters and names. Oh, I think I was Lysander.
43:01
Oh my God, that would make so much.
43:02
Sense if you were Lysander when I was Demetrius.
43:05
So we're we're rivals. That would make so much sense.
43:09
And I don't know about you. There was a literally there were
43:14
just the 2 gay boy. There were three gay boys and
43:19
one of them played something else.
43:20
So it was me and this other gay boy called Ben.
43:23
And we played those those two love.
43:26
And I, I remember I had a like this argument with like a really
43:31
good drama friend of mine called Laura.
43:34
And like, we didn't speak to each other and she was my love.
43:37
She played Helena. And so there were all of these
43:39
pictures of us because we just stopped being friends of us,
43:42
like doing romantic poses, but we hated each other's guts.
43:46
That's very. You.
43:48
Yeah, very. Very.
43:51
I love that you're in A Midsummer Night's Dream as well.
43:54
Yeah, I can't really remember. Anything about it at all, to be
43:57
honest. Except I'm sure everyone was gay
43:59
too. Yeah, I mean.
44:01
And it was riding the wave of Leonardo Dicaprio's Romeo and
44:05
Juliet. So I think everybody thought
44:07
they would be a bit edgy and crawled in it.
44:09
That's probably why we did. It yeah, I had.
44:12
I had no business playing that character.
44:16
Anyway, yeah, that is the vibe of.
44:18
This movie, it's kind of like a slapstick comedy of errors.
44:21
Love potion gone wrong movie now, right.
44:24
So he's in love with her, and she flies away and he kisses
44:28
her. Oh, yeah, he's in love with her.
44:30
And he kisses her. And she's like, what is this
44:33
feeling? What is this thing in my mouth?
44:38
She's very excited. And so she goes back to school
44:43
and she's going to make out with herself in the mirror, but
44:47
Selena sends the shadow. Yeah, the.
44:50
Shadow Monster And now this is another inspired piece of a set
44:55
piece of of how you do kind of action movies.
44:59
And so the kitchen is just shaking, all of the dresses, the
45:03
tables, the shaking pots and pans are shaking in the room.
45:06
And she does the swell and you know that there were fucking
45:09
crew all around her literally shaking that all by hand.
45:13
It was so obvious. And I'm just like, she's there
45:16
casting the spell. And it's like, oh, rattle,
45:19
rattle, rattle, rattle. I love it.
45:24
Anytime she's casting a spell, Yeah, the wind picks up the key.
45:27
Lighting in her eyes goes more intense, and she just sucks in
45:30
those cheekbones, widens her eyes, and you just get full Faye
45:34
Dunaway face. It's power of shadow take shape
45:43
look like a vicious dark star. And then you've got just Bianca
45:49
chain smoking next to her. Yeah.
45:52
Oh. God, that's awful.
45:53
That's never going to work. Yeah.
45:55
And then? There's like a.
45:56
A scene where Supergirl's fighting a shadow monster that
45:59
Selena has sent and this is like an invisible monster.
46:02
It's an odd choice to make her fight something invisible, which
46:05
is maybe a budget issue, but I don't.
46:07
I don't know how long did that take to fucking?
46:10
Shoot, if the other scene was 21 days right then boy, I really
46:15
want you to envision a big scary shadow monster.
46:18
Now I did like how some of. Like like it crushed a car
46:22
invisibly, like there was some kind of fun like effects,
46:25
practical effects there. But so then she she defeats.
46:28
It doesn't she? And then they go on a date,
46:31
don't they? He pops up with a box of
46:33
chocolates for Linda Lee at the fairground.
46:37
Right? Yes.
46:39
Linda is tracking the Omegahedron because her family
46:44
are. Going to die, yeah, in case you.
46:46
Forgot. But then Ethan turns up with
46:49
flowers and chocolates and then there's a confrontation between
46:54
Selena, Supergirl and Ethan and so yeah.
46:59
And then basically. Selena turns the whirlwitzer on
47:03
super speeds, and then Ethan disappears and he appears on the
47:07
dodgem's and then the dodgem carts are trying to crush him.
47:12
And obviously he can't just leave the dodgem track.
47:16
He has to stay in the middle and run around it, doesn't he?
47:19
Yeah. And so Supergirl.
47:20
Gets him onto a dodge him and flies him to safety in a very
47:24
similar way to. What we've just seen maybe 20
47:27
minutes before, yeah. Is this the bit where Selena
47:31
creates loads of duplicates of herself?
47:34
Yes, it is. Yes.
47:37
That was. Incredible.
47:39
So she's like spinning around Supergirl with all of these
47:41
Mirage versions of herself. It's really fab.
47:44
And she's always in a CAF, Dan, so there's a lot of fabric to
47:46
look at. It's really great.
47:50
That's when Selena sends the coconut to knock Ethan out.
47:54
Now he's unconscious for the second or third time of the
47:57
movie and he wakes up. And then they go to kiss and
48:03
then he disappears. And then the next time we see
48:06
him, he's chained to a bed. Ethan.
48:09
Really gets like, punished in like a BDSM way in this movie,
48:14
doesn't he? Absolutely, yeah.
48:16
The first time we see. Him, he's topless then he's like
48:19
chased by that chomping maw and he's like crawling on the street
48:25
like ass up looking over his shoulder like in fear and then
48:29
he's yeah, changed to a bed. BDSM vibes.
48:32
It's so great. No notes for that and then?
48:35
Then basically what happens is the greatest scene of the entire
48:39
movie in my mind because Supergirl flies to go and get
48:44
him and we see she then gets put in like the force field box and
48:50
then we see good old Selena walking out in like sexy
48:54
clothes, don't we? He's chained up and then she
48:58
walks over to him and she says enjoy your prison Supergirl and
49:03
then basically starts snogging Ethan in front of her and it's
49:08
it's full kink at this point, isn't it?
49:10
Is this when? She's in like all of the really
49:12
blingy diamond jewelry. So much drag jewels, Pierce drag
49:16
jewels. But yeah, but she's.
49:18
She's wearing like a black pussy bow and a black pencil skirt.
49:22
She's got very like and she kind and she kind of lifts her arm up
49:26
and it's just kind of like suggesting a side kiss with
49:30
Ethan and she's sort of she's sort of scenting him before she
49:33
goes in. But I felt like their ages were.
49:35
Closer and more appropriate than Ethan and Supergirl.
49:39
The thing is I also what is something?
49:40
Else I love about this film is she really doesn't give a shit
49:43
about Ethan Selena. She actually hates him.
49:47
Like as it goes on, she's. Just so bored of him.
49:51
Yeah, but what so? She thinks he's the key for her
49:54
taking over the world, I think by this point.
49:56
She's just like, she wants Supergirl to like feel shit and
50:01
then this is what we discussed, then feels that this is she
50:04
understands that this is the entry to controlling all men's
50:07
minds and then taking over the world.
50:10
Her ambitions are a bit more ramped up now because she's
50:12
looking at the map with Brenda, Bianca, Bianca.
50:16
Yeah. Yeah, they're plotting.
50:18
The rest of world domination. They're like today, Midville,
50:22
tomorrow Chicago, then North America.
50:26
We love a woman on a mission, and she has sent Supergirl to
50:31
the Phantom Zone. Now this is where the IT.
50:33
Gets really boring if you ask me.
50:35
I could I could have done with a a long toilet break here.
50:41
Yeah, there's a long. Portion of Supergirl reuniting
50:44
with Zoltar and them trying to escape the Phantom Zone and
50:48
really who cares? But Zoltar dies, he falls into
50:52
some kind of vortex and Supergirl manages to escape.
50:55
And clearly this is where the. Spirit writer has like, we've
50:58
got Peter O'Toole, you know, I need to write some lengthy
51:02
monologues here and we need to really workshop this and give
51:06
Shakespeare realness, but it's just fucking shit.
51:10
Meanwhile, back on Earth. Though Bianca has taken over the
51:13
town, she's got stormtroopers now, and she's riding around
51:15
town in like a big old Nazi car. And there are protesters, and
51:20
they're saying things like, how did I say Bianca?
51:22
Yeah, you said Bianca, Selena. Though, Yeah, yeah, and there's
51:26
all these. Protesters being like down with
51:28
Selena, Yeah. And it's so they've like very
51:33
quickly. Well, I mean, that's what
51:35
happens if you, you know, unionize everyone you can, you
51:38
can get these kind of protests together like that, can't you?
51:40
But yeah, they've got a real issue with Selena.
51:43
And thank God Selena's got like 6 people wearing motorcycle
51:48
helmets and to protect her, Yeah.
51:51
To keep the peace, apparently. There's a deleted scene where
51:53
she turns one of the protesters into ice and then shatters her.
51:56
Why would you delete that? Why would you delete?
51:58
That, I mean, how long did that take to?
52:00
Film, truly. But she captures Lana Lane,
52:06
Linda, Lucy Lane and Jimmy Olsen.
52:11
Yeah, Jimmy Olsen's in this movie.
52:13
And then Super Girl escapes the phantom realm, and she goes to
52:16
rescue her friends. Now we've got our final showdown
52:20
and now they are. Trapped in cages, suspended
52:23
above dildos. It's death by dildos to those
52:27
people, isn't it? Flaming hot dildos.
52:29
And Selena summons a giant shadow demon, which we've kind
52:34
of been like seeing hinted at throughout the movie.
52:37
And the demon? Well, her box is getting bigger.
52:40
And uglier, that's what she says.
52:42
Her box. And getting bigger and uglier.
52:44
Does she say that? Yes, I remember her saying what
52:48
the box wants the box get. Yes, I mean words to live by.
52:55
Words to live by So yeah, so she it's time for the big showdown,
53:00
isn't it? So the shadow monsters up and
53:03
she's Selena's also made like a bit of a disco dance floor
53:07
situation on that light up floor.
53:10
Moving. Yeah, it's a bit.
53:12
So now all of a sudden, Supergirl's a bit, you know,
53:15
shaky on her feet, off balance. She yeah, she can't.
53:17
Fly for right now for anymore for the purposes of this fight
53:21
scene and also there's a bit where that.
53:22
Like, statue of the devil nearly falls and hits her and it's
53:28
again, it's like you're Supergirl.
53:30
Yeah, you're fine. Unless it's made of kryptonite.
53:32
Yeah. Yeah.
53:33
Selena's controlling the shadow monster like kind of like hand
53:38
puppet sort of vibe. The effects here are really,
53:42
really bad, really shockingly awful.
53:46
Supergirl's being like stretched by the shadow monster, but it's
53:49
they've just like distorted her image in this really weird way.
53:53
It's so peculiar. It's so badly done.
53:56
And like, even by the era's standards, it is like, it's like
54:00
they thought I want this to happen, but I don't know how
54:04
we're going to do it. So maybe we'll just do it in the
54:06
edit. And they've never done it
54:08
before. So where is like the meticulous
54:12
shooting of, you know, the chase, the high speed chase of
54:15
the the machine, the tractor? Yeah, that's.
54:19
Taken a. Lot of the resources and time,
54:21
but arguably a more important scene of trying to torture
54:24
Supergirl is just like, oh, I guess we'll just give it a go
54:28
and then. Supergirl kind of escapes and
54:31
she makes a tornado by flying in a circle really fast, and that
54:36
tornado somehow sucks Selena into the shadow monster, into
54:43
the mirror, into the phantom Zone, something like that, I
54:47
mean. The thing is, I do understand
54:49
why this has happened because by this point it the running time
54:52
on this movie is getting really, really long and they just need
54:54
to wrap it up, don't they? Yeah, we're over 2 hours.
54:57
Now, but can we talk about how? Much fucking cuntness Faye
55:02
Dunaway is serving in that last extended levitation wind machine
55:08
backlit moment. Oh, it's so.
55:11
Great. It's so great.
55:13
She's so she's in like this whirlwind that Supergirl has
55:16
created. And it's like that nun, that
55:19
scary nun dancing in the middle of that, that that amusement
55:23
park ride, a picture of that. But it's Faye Dunaway serving
55:26
face and at this point. Her hair is the biggest it's
55:31
been. She's wearing so many layers.
55:34
She's the jewelry is there. I mean, it is.
55:38
They've literally thrown all of the wardrobe department at her
55:42
by this point, haven't they? Yeah, it really looks like the.
55:44
Entire wardrobe department has thrown up on her.
55:47
They're like, we've got 7 kaftans left we haven't used.
55:50
Let's just put them all in this last scene.
55:52
But yeah, Supergirl saves the day.
55:54
Faye Dunaway is defeated and Linda Linda says.
55:58
Goodbye to the pedo gardener, Yeah?
56:02
And goes back to Argo City and we see it light up again.
56:06
The end. But what we don't?
56:08
See is the inside of the yurt and all of the dead bodies that
56:12
are in there. And I think that could be very
56:14
represented by the window display that we saw in Berlin.
56:17
I'm just going to say that. We walked past this kink store.
56:23
Post pictures Post pictures on the grid as.
56:25
Well, for, yeah. We walked past this fetish store
56:30
which had this like sun bleached display of latex clothes for men
56:36
and women, a penis enlarger. Everything looked like it had
56:39
been in that window for about 40 years.
56:41
It was fully sun bleached. And then we noticed the dead
56:44
flies, and I'm not kidding, thousands and thousands of dead
56:49
flies in that window. I don't know when that shop was
56:52
last opened, but I think the owner is dead in there.
56:55
And the flies had feasted on that corpse and then they also
56:58
died. And that is basically.
57:01
The deleted ending of Supergirl that.
57:05
That lazy? Lazy Penis Gardener Facing Linda
57:11
Lee has forgotten about her family and they have all died
57:17
inside the yurts death. To all of them.
57:23
Wow. I kind of don't even know what
57:25
to say about this movie now. I had such an amazing time
57:31
watching it. I just laughed and laughed and
57:34
laughed. It's it's one of the worst
57:38
movies I think we've covered on this podcast.
57:40
Oh, for sure, it's so. Impossibly.
57:43
Bad. It's very hard to describe, but
57:44
like nothing makes sense. No one's acting the same.
57:49
Everyone's acting in different movies.
57:51
The effects, yeah, it's just mind boggling.
57:54
It's a mind boggling movie. And whilst Joan Crawford is.
57:57
Giving this is the performance of a lifetime intention.
58:01
Yeah, well, that's what the director.
58:02
Wanted I am merely a vessel. To this movie and my director I
58:09
am. Selena Diaranus of Catania,
58:13
priestess of Seconded. I am the ultimate siren.
58:16
Of. Endor and you little lady, are
58:19
trespassing on private property. I.
58:24
Love her so. Much I kind of, I know when we
58:27
did Mommy dearest, there was like, I found it a little bit,
58:30
there was a bit of darkness to it that you're sensitive to.
58:34
You're sensitive to child abuse, Yeah, but watching this?
58:37
It's like all of that feeling is just gone and you just get to
58:40
watch her be the hammiest ham. But it's such, it's such.
58:44
An exquisite ham. Because there is totally a world
58:48
where Bette Midler would play this character, right?
58:51
And she has played this this witch before, Yeah, totally
58:56
could see her doing it, but totally hamming it up and giving
58:59
it that like comedy vibe that she was going for.
59:03
But I think because Faye Dunaway has no sense of humour and takes
59:08
herself so seriously, there is just this unhinged energy that
59:12
she brings to the role that I don't think anyone else could
59:16
deliver. The way she delivered, it's so
59:19
perfect. Like I would change nothing.
59:22
You're so right, Bette Midler would be a much more appropriate
59:27
casting for this movie, but it would have denied us something
59:30
so special because in some in. In phase reality, like the the
59:35
actors in the film, I mean, not the person playing Supergirl,
59:39
not heart bonking or whatever his name is, but there was there
59:44
are like some legit Shakespearean actors in this as
59:47
well. Yeah, you've got Peter.
59:49
O'Toole, you've got Peter Cook, you've got Mia Farrow as cameo
59:53
in this movie. It's a stacked cast.
59:56
And so you could imagine Faye being like, well, I'm amongst my
1:00:00
thespians and yeah, I know, I know.
1:00:05
It's really amazing watching the again, the making of and hearing
1:00:07
her describe like her witchy powers and the confrontation
1:00:12
that will ensue. And she's still basically doing
1:00:15
the she's doing the behind the scenes, but she's still
1:00:17
delivering it like she's on set. It's really great.
1:00:20
In this program, you're going to see something of the discipline.
1:00:24
And hard work that goes into making a film like this, you
1:00:30
have to believe it. We have to make you believe it,
1:00:35
I mean. As a witch, as a as a witch on
1:00:38
screen. Brilliant, right?
1:00:40
Perfect. Also like they invented this
1:00:43
character for this movie. This is not a character that
1:00:46
exists in the comics. They were like what would make
1:00:49
sense? Oh, I know a witch.
1:00:51
I don't know. There's like a reason why
1:00:54
Superman has powers. You know, he's an alien, the
1:00:57
sun, blah, blah, blah. Like magic doesn't really come
1:00:59
into it with Superman. So it's it's already just a
1:01:03
weird choice to make the villain a witch.
1:01:05
Yeah. And I mean.
1:01:06
It would have been more interesting if maybe Supergirl
1:01:08
lent more into that kind of sorcery energy, wouldn't it?
1:01:13
What so she? Also had witchy powers.
1:01:15
Yeah, maybe, but. Instead, it was.
1:01:17
It was, you know, how can we introduce the female version of
1:01:21
Superman? We will need to have a relatable
1:01:24
storyline and therefore that will be two women fighting over
1:01:28
a man is more important than anything else.
1:01:31
It's so. Wild.
1:01:33
It's so wild. The stakes are so low.
1:01:37
Stakes are so low. It's like, will Supergirl fit in
1:01:41
at school and will she get the guy?
1:01:45
That's the stakes of this movie. Meanwhile, her family are
1:01:49
rotting because how long do you think she's gone for?
1:01:53
We know that she's we know it's taken her longer than two days,
1:01:55
but how long do you think she's been away for?
1:01:58
A week? Well, how long?
1:02:00
Is she in the Phantom Zone? Oh God, yeah.
1:02:03
It's enough time for Faye. Dunaway to take over the entire
1:02:05
town, Yeah, and have all of the. Protesters.
1:02:08
So maybe it's like 2 weeks. Yeah, yeah, that.
1:02:11
Feels about right, so their bodies are starting.
1:02:13
To maybe rot. Yeah, well, we don't know what.
1:02:17
Like the atmosphere is like in inner space.
1:02:19
So maybe they get just preserved.
1:02:21
OK, maybe there isn't. Maybe there isn't like enough
1:02:24
bacteria or humidity or anything for, you know, for rotting to
1:02:27
take place. Maybe they're just all like
1:02:29
sucked dry and Husky. Yes, OK, but they're dead.
1:02:36
We can agree they're. Dead, but oh definitely they're.
1:02:39
Definitely dead. Yeah, they're all dead.
1:02:41
What do we think about Supergirl, this actress?
1:02:44
I mean, I can't even say. Nice hair?
1:02:47
No, because. Like as our friend Anna.
1:02:49
Said like she needed to put a bit more toner on that, didn't
1:02:52
she? If you're going to do blonde and
1:02:54
be a blonde bombshell, you can't, you can't do that.
1:02:58
I mean, she's pretty terrible, right?
1:03:01
Does she have any red? Does she have any redeeming
1:03:03
features? I mean, she's.
1:03:05
Clearly made a choice to play it with this like wide eyed
1:03:08
innocence but she just looks so fucking gormless the entire
1:03:12
movie. I mean, the script doesn't help,
1:03:16
but yeah, she was only 19 when she did it.
1:03:20
She was. This was her first her.
1:03:21
This is her first booking. She was fresh out of stage
1:03:25
school. Imagine if you.
1:03:27
Imagine if you gave that role to Elizabeth Berkeley, she would
1:03:30
make more of it. Imagine if Naomi was Supergirl.
1:03:35
Different places. Well, you know, they did
1:03:38
consider Brooke Shields and Demi Moore.
1:03:41
Oh. I'm not interested in Brooke
1:03:43
Shields doing it, but Demi, I think, because she has a bit
1:03:47
more grit to her, doesn't she? She's always had a bit more,
1:03:50
yeah. Yeah, I can't really picture her
1:03:52
doing like, yeah, wide eyed, girlish innocence.
1:03:55
So maybe that'd be a bit more interesting.
1:03:57
I mean, they were never going to.
1:03:58
Let her not be anything other than that.
1:04:01
They were they in this movie. Do you think Faye Dunaway spoke
1:04:04
to her? I think she did it.
1:04:09
She does say in the in the making up, she's like with a
1:04:12
very talented young actress. Supergirl is played by a very
1:04:18
impressive young actress called Helen Slater.
1:04:21
It's kind of hard to talk about this movie because it is just,
1:04:24
like, it's all superlatives. Like everything about it is
1:04:28
cranked up so far that you just feel like you're kind of
1:04:31
repeating yourself. But like, it's so enjoyable
1:04:34
because every scene is so batshit.
1:04:37
Yeah, it just go. It goes from 1:00 bananas thing
1:04:40
to the next. Like, oh, suddenly I'm in a
1:04:42
abandoned amusement park and they're talking about the water
1:04:44
bill. Oh, now we're at a party and
1:04:46
there's a woman spinning upside down.
1:04:48
Oh, now there's a haunted tractor.
1:04:50
Now Supergirl is doing math equations and stopping some
1:04:54
bullies. Like, it's just it ricochets all
1:04:57
over the place so fast and it just means you're constantly
1:05:01
like on the back, but you have no idea what's going to happen
1:05:04
next. And it makes it so fun to watch.
1:05:06
As you say it. By the end, you're it is like,
1:05:08
OK, let's let's wrap this up, folks.
1:05:10
We don't need like, yeah, we don't need the dramatic pathos
1:05:14
ending. But yeah, the first hour and a
1:05:17
half, you're just like, this is the craziest, best movie I've
1:05:20
ever seen in my entire life. Totally.
1:05:22
I. Think a really good sign of a
1:05:24
film like this that's like is kind of in the campy spectrum is
1:05:28
when you're watching it with other people and you're all
1:05:31
cackling at at things as well. And like, we were with two other
1:05:34
people and everybody was cackling.
1:05:37
Yeah, this one. Really rewards a group watch.
1:05:40
100% A. 100% this is another one that would make a.
1:05:44
Great midnight movie. I'm sure it happens all over the
1:05:47
place, but well, you say that I feel.
1:05:49
Like this one. I feel like this has gone under
1:05:51
the radar. I really do.
1:05:53
I don't think it's. I don't think it's on those
1:05:55
lists. Yeah.
1:05:57
Does it leave you anticipating this upcoming Supergirl film?
1:06:05
Because obviously we spoke about a bit about this over the
1:06:08
weekend, about how many, you know, like 9 lives bloody
1:06:12
Superman has had. You know, they constantly,
1:06:15
they're so scared of losing the Superman, the Batman film.
1:06:19
So it's just like we'll constantly reboot it.
1:06:21
We'll constantly try and work out the way to land it.
1:06:25
Do you think there is life in Supergirl or is this forever
1:06:29
going to be a doomed prospect? Interesting.
1:06:34
There was ATV show, wasn't there about 10 years ago that I think
1:06:38
was kind of medium well received, had Calista Flockhart
1:06:41
in it. I think it's got potential
1:06:43
because I think that the storyline is about her getting
1:06:45
revenge and she's they're clearly setting her up as like a
1:06:47
messy kind of drunk girl. So that's kind of fun.
1:06:50
I could see there's like something fun to be had there.
1:06:53
Yeah, yeah. Like if, if captain.
1:06:55
Marvel was like unhinged. We'll see.
1:06:58
Yeah, but you're right. Like, why does Superman get to
1:07:01
fail so many times? Where is Supergirl 4?
1:07:04
That's just like the. Rules of feminism?
1:07:06
Well, I don't know. Should we rate this?
1:07:07
Movie. We should rate this movie.
1:07:09
Yes, we need to give it a score. Out of 10 on the Merrells, how
1:07:14
good is this movie? Is there anything anywhere we
1:07:23
can give a Merrill to this movie?
1:07:26
I don't know. I don't think we can.
1:07:29
I don't know. I don't think it's.
1:07:30
Got a Merrill? In it, normally when it's this
1:07:34
bad, we there's something in the design and that we can muster up
1:07:39
and I mean it's 80s fabulousness, but it's not great
1:07:43
costume design and like the production.
1:07:45
Design is like, it's kind of fun to watch the practical effects,
1:07:49
but it doesn't look good, no. It's a 0.
1:07:53
It's a 0 Merrill. Placid.
1:07:57
Wow. That's it.
1:07:59
Placid, that's what. You're saying, watch what you
1:08:03
say, Merrill, I don't have to take this anymore.
1:08:05
Beyond Flacid. Inverted.
1:08:08
Tucked back up inside. OK, but what about Lizas?
1:08:12
How many Lizas? How camp is this movie?
1:08:16
You know what I'm going to say? I'm going to say it too.
1:08:20
We have to say it. Yeah, it's a. 10 It's such a.
1:08:26
Fucking 10. And like, what a glorious. 10
1:08:30
because again, part of the reason why I wanted to do this
1:08:34
podcast was that we spoke about not just your obvious films.
1:08:39
Now, I'm not saying this is I'm not saying, wait a second, where
1:08:42
did you 2 find this movie to talk about?
1:08:44
But it has slipped away from, I think, public's sort of general
1:08:49
knowledge. And I think it's really
1:08:51
important that it's if people like their kind of campy, crazy,
1:08:55
kooky fucking mental films that this is on their radar because
1:08:59
it, it's not going to disappoint.
1:09:01
If you watch this with some mates on a Sunday night in
1:09:03
Berlin rather than going to Berkheim, you're going to have a
1:09:06
great time. Yeah, it's good enough.
1:09:08
To make you not regret not going to Berkheim.
1:09:11
If I can make you laugh when you don't want to, I've done my job.
1:09:18
This one gave me, as you said, such a wedding.
1:09:21
What did Faye get for Mommy? Dearest, did she get 10s for
1:09:24
that as well? Was that a Yeah, This is her
1:09:27
second perfect score in a perfect Liza score in a row.
1:09:32
Yes. Faye Dunaway.
1:09:33
It makes sense. I mean she.
1:09:35
Is a she's such a camp icon. Yeah, I'm not.
1:09:37
I feel like we, I'm not even sure we did this movie justice
1:09:40
talking about it just now, but it because it's so it's kind of
1:09:42
so hard to to describe how great it is.
1:09:45
You just have to go watch it and and see it for yourself and
1:09:48
you're going to have the best time.
1:09:49
Yeah, and it doesn't matter. If you follow the plot, you
1:09:52
could literally just be looking at the paper mache container
1:09:56
that is is holding the ball. You could be just looking at the
1:10:00
makeup. You could just be looking at how
1:10:02
bad the backdrops are during the stunt scenes.
1:10:06
There's something constant to look at here that's enjoyable or
1:10:10
enjoying. Bianca's blowout?
1:10:12
Well, there you have it. This is our second ever perfect
1:10:15
Camp Classic score. I think 0 Merrells and 10 Lizas.
1:10:20
It's up there with barbed wire. Perfection, perfection.
1:10:23
Brilliant. It was worth the technical
1:10:26
issues we had earlier. This is great if you've seen
1:10:29
this movie. Let us know what you think, and
1:10:32
if you haven't, go watch it and also tell us what you think.
1:10:34
Yeah, well, my box is definitely.
1:10:36
Getting bigger crystal and uglier.
1:10:38
So I need to leave I'm afraid what the box wants the box.
1:10:41
Gets We'll be back in two more weeks with another Camp Classic.
1:10:46
Good night. Bye get.
1:10:48
Away from her, you bitch. Classic.
1:10:53
He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders
1:10:57
right before she died. No.
1:11:01
Hannah, you thought you become a prostitute.
1:11:05
You're. A dog at it.
1:11:06
I used to love doggy chow. I used to love doggy chow too.