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The Difference Between Primary vs. Secondary Emotions. · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is wonderful to be here with you.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: And today's topic is about primary versus secondary emotions, trying to understand the difference between the two and understanding why it would even matter.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: So often in the work that I do with clients, what comes up is the fact that we tend as a population or as humans, we tend to try to shy away from the emotions that we're facing.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so part of my work is to bring to the forefront that emotions are not something that we need to run away from, but rather they are just data packets.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: So today's topic about talking about primary versus secondary is just another layer of understanding emotions.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And really truly, emotions play an essential role in our health, in our behavior styles, uh, our social interactions, the relationships that we create with others, and just our lives in general.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: So being able to understand and come to this place of acceptance of our emotions rather than a rejection of them allows us to understand ourselves and others as well as communicate what we truly need and want to others, which again deepens our relationships.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're thinking about what even emotions are, they really are these internal data points letting us know what is happening for us, what we might need.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And together, when we're able to take that that information from the emotions and we're able to join it with our own cognitive abilities and understand them, what we're really doing is we're giving ourselves the ability to understand ourselves deeper and on a much um much more foundationally solid place.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh every emotion really truly has three components.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: There is the internal state, the biological element, and then of course how we react to it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're thinking about the difference between this idea of primary versus secondary emotions, uh what we're understanding is that there are according to different uh researchers, there's been the famous wheel of emotions.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and if you've worked with me, you know that I generally will talk about the feelings wheel.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but there are eight primary basic emotions, which are divided into four pairs or four opposites.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: So there's happiness versus sadness, fear versus anger, trust versus distrust, surprise versus anticipation.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: So then what they start doing from those through those those pairs, what they've done is they've created this idea of six basic emotions anger, fear, happiness, sadness, disgust, and surprise.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: However, we experience so many different emotions, and sometimes understanding what's underneath those basic emotions is really helpful because secondary emotions actually represent learned responses.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: So the secondary emotion is its main role is to actually protect.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: We habitually uh tend to cover up, um, we use them to cover up our more sensitive emotions.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, if we feel enraged, uh what we may be feeling is actually rejected, afraid, or ashamed, but what we do is we cover it up with anger because we don't want to show that vulnerability or that vulnerable side of ourselves.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: When we realize that the changes in our internal and external environments do affect our well-being and we experience a primary emotion, that's what actually drives us to take action.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, when we discover that someone has lied to us and we feel sad, sadness might drive us to confront that person and we become infuriated and we maybe lash out at them, or conversely, we withdraw from them and stop communicating with them.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: So those primary emotions are those automatic universal emotions that are hardwired and they occur close to a triggering event that um involves our instinctive reactions.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Experts will explain that secondary emotions often occur as a combination of our primary emotions.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: So, again, the four pairs of core emotions are the foundation for all emotions.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, joy and fear combine into the feeling of guilt.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Secondary emotions tend to stick around for a longer period of time, actually masking our primary emotion and causing trouble potentially in our relationships.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what we've learned is that secondary emotions can be obstructive and destructive in some sense because what happens is they end up preventing us from being self-aware or prevent us from really discovering for ourselves what's really happening for us because they're keeping us on guard and they're keeping us from really truly understanding what's going on for us.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we learn to recognize and reframe our emotions?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it's really important.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that we push our emotions away, it's about recognizing that we're feeling a certain way, really naming it and giving it its space, and then it's about how can I continue to lean maybe into one of my core values in order to take aligned action to move myself forward.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's about recognizing what we need in that moment from that data information that the emotion is bringing to us and taking an aligned action.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So the ways that we learn to recognize and reframe some of our emotions is meditation is a huge way that we can do this and mindful meditation at that, right?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's about becoming more conscious of what's happening and happening for us in this present moment.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: What are we feeling?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: What are we experiencing?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Journaling is another great way to deal with this because when we actually write out what's coming up for us.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was actually just speaking to a client this morning about this.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's just, you know, especially when we don't feel like we have an outlet maybe with our support network, taking time to journal it and being that being um providing for our brain that outlet that outlet for ourselves to write out what's really coming up for us.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a release, it gives us that chance to release those emotions and recognize and track and accept secondary emotions as they're coming up, which then leads to more self-awareness and the ability to make choices for yourself.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because at the end of the day, this is all about choice points.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, coaching.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Coaching can absolutely help understand those secondary emotions that are coming up.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: They can act coaching can absolutely help reframe them, look at them with a different lens.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of people will say, What is the purpose of coaching?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: I can do this for myself.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is when we work with a coach, what we're able to do is we have somebody working alongside us to be able to show us things that we may not be able to see on our own.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're right up against something, sometimes you're too close to see it for yourself.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so having that support system to be able to uh allow that space between what you're experiencing and understanding it can absolutely help with those uh understanding what emotions are coming up for you.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of pushing them away, avoiding them, numbing them, which we've talked about in many different podcasts, it's about coming to this place of acceptance and then commitment to self of how do I want to move forward.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like to talk more about this or anything else that's coming up in your world, absolutely feel free to reach out to me at any time at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www dot comedywood.com.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.