Latest / Libido Lounge / Spicing Up Your Holidays: Creative Ways to Stay Sexy and Connected

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Spicing Up Your Holidays: Creative Ways to Stay Sexy and Connected · Libido Lounge

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  Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
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  We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food.
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  Hey, everybody.
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  Doctor Diane here.
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  Happy holiday season.
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  Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
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  I am thrilled to be wrapping up this year with this episode.
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  We're gonna talk about how to stay sexy around the holidays and your relationship, talk about
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  gift ideas, some that you can purchase, some that are really cute homemade ways.
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  We're talking about just how to go through this holiday season and not just enjoy, hopefully,
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  the fun, the family, the few the food, the marriness, but also coming back to connection
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  more deeply, more sexy, more close to your partner and yourself.
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  And before we do all that, I wanna let you guys know that this whole year, I've been saying
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  vote for your favorite episode.
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  Download it, share it, and then I'm going to invite the person that had the best the most
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  downloads back.
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  And I am thrilled to announce that it is my very dear friend and intimacy expert, Susan
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  Bratton, who we had an episode where she was talking about orgasms and talking about so many
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  different ways to experience orgasm and pleasure, what to do when you're stressed, how
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  to ask for what you want as a woman in your relationship, and more.
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  So we're gonna really go more deeply into that, in a episode.
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  She just confirmed that she will be coming back for a deep dive.
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  I can't wait.
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  So look out for that episode.
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  We will release that very early on in the New Year.
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  We're gonna take December off from recording to be with, family and friends for the holiday
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  season and reput together our plan for all the great content we have coming out for you in
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  2025.
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  So let's begin with today's juicy episode.
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  Those are all of my announcements for you.
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  So the holidays can be, of course, a time of great stress, but they can also be a time to
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  mix up some sexiness.
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  So I wanted to send you some ideas and go through some ideas for some homemade gifts that
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  you could consider giving your partner as a way to just bring some novelty and some play back
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  in the bedroom.
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  So one of the first is a is getting a basket, putting all of your fantasies in in a basket,
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  and allowing your partner to choose one that maybe you will gift them and gift the two of
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  you during the holiday season.
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  You could even do something like create a calendar, right, where then once a month, if
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  you put 12 fantasies in there, this could be a gift for the year.
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  And so once a month, they pull a secret fantasy or out of a fantasy box, and you guys get to
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  play and reenact that.
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  You could also do something such as give them the, the ability to write down all of their
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  fantasies.
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  You can read them and choose the one that you resonate the most with to offer for them.
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  Another fun thing is to dress up in something fun and sassy and that feels makes you feel
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  confident, and that can look a lot of different ways.
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  But you could tape gifts, you know, ideas of gifts, like ideas of things you want to do
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  together in the bedroom, maybe new things you wanna try.
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  You can tape them all over your body, and it could be a self, like a like a, what is that
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  word?
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  I'm blanking on the word here, guys.
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  It could be like a a scavenger hunt.
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  That's what I'm looking for.
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  So it could be like a scavenger hunt over your body.
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  You know, here, look there.
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  You could play a game of hot and cold.
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  You know?
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  You could play a game of hiding sexy things around the house and playing a hot and cold
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  game until they have found them.
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  So those are some of my ideas for you.
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  My favorite is, like, the basket idea and make it last throughout the year.
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  Would definitely take this time during the holidays to have a conversation too with your
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  partner, especially if you've been pretty good about committing to intimacy.
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  Sometimes it can fall away during the holiday season.
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  So it also can be a really helpful thing to have a conversation advance around like, okay.
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  How are we gonna stay connected during the holiday season?
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  And I find that it can be a really fun time to re like, start just being very attentive to
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  those hugs in the morning, the hugs at night, and really embracing the hugs, you know, maybe
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  even allowing your genitals to touch a little bit.
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  You're, you know, really just sinking into each other's bodies.
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  And we even see that with oxytocin.
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  You know, I was doing more oxytocin research.
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  You you guys hear me talk about that on this podcast a lot.
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  I was doing some more research on oxytocin this week and really looking at, okay, even with
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  hugging.
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  Right?
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  Because we know a twenty second hug delivers more oxytocin, but there's actually more to it
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  than that.
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  Like, the emotional state that we show up to a hug, how present we are to the hug, how much we
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  drop into that embrace with whoever we're hugging, All, like so it's not just about,
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  like, the length of the hug, but it's really about, like, the sheer quality and the presence
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  that you have with the hug.
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  So during the holiday season, if there's not as much time to connect more intimately, Just
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  making sure you are taking those moments to drop into that long hug, to look into your
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  partner's eyes, to tell them all the amazing qualities they have about them.
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  And it's another time, I think, moving into the New Year around what sort of New Year's
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  resolutions would be great to carry into the New Year around your relationship.
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  So it could be something as simple as, okay.
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  Well, I'm going start saying to my partner three things I love about them every day.
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  Right?
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  And I encourage you, the biggest thing we see with habits when it comes to New Year's
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  resolutions and habits in general, You know, what happens so often with New Year's
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  resolutions is that we make some sort of grand commitments.
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  Right?
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  And then we're really good for that first month, and then life gets in the way and it
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  peters off.
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  So, really, what we see around habits and around making habits that last around making
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  these resolutions more parts of our life is the tinier and more specific they are and the more
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  actionable they are, the more they actually do stick.
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  So oftentimes, people go wrong by saying something like in you know, from the libido
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  space, it might be like, okay.
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  Well, we are going to have sex three times a week.
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  Well, in really busy weeks, that might not be realistic.
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  Right?
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  So you want to commit to what feels like something that you can commit to even on those
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  busiest of weeks to make sure that you have time to come together.
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  I would encourage you as much as possible to make an intimacy date once a week.
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  And if that's not realistic for you, though, follow that because habits that are met that
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  where you get that where you put that habit into place and you get that reward because you
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  successfully did that habit, those are the ones that really stick.
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  So if you're feeling like, wow, it's realistic for you to do an intimacy date every three
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  weeks and that's the what you feel like in busy times you can commit to, I would do that.
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  But then also work to try to add beyond that, But the idea is you want to commit that full
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  commitment to something that you're actually going to meet and hopefully stretch it maybe a
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  little bit, but that you can do it.
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  You can maintain it on the busiest of weeks because where people tend to fall, at least
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  what we see in habit research, is when they overcommit, they get busy.
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  And then once you fall out of that habit, then all of the old habits tend to just sink back
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  in.
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  So it's better to make a little bit of a less goal that you know that you can meet, and then
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  you can make those stretch goals.
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  Right?
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  Those things that are like, okay.
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  That would be really cool if we did connect that often and still work to achieve that, but
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  it's still a win if you meet that core foundational goal.
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  So that's usually how people tend to make habits that actually are lasting, that stick,
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  that they have, effectiveness that way.
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  So in moving into the new year, making those intimacy goals with your partner, with
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  yourself, being committed is very, very helpful for that.
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  And then let's go through some of my favorite gifts and stocking stuffers now for the New
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  Year.
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  So or for for the holiday season.
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  So one of these, this one is, intimacy cards.
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  So I can't remember if I showed you guys.
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  I might have showed you guys some of this on one of the podcast earlier this year, but I
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  just love these cards because these cards are anything from intimacy on your relationship.
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  So you can pull, like, a relationship card, and it's saying you know, this one that I just
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  pulled, it says, what's your biggest fear for this relationship?
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  Right?
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  So the concept of these cards is anything from, like, sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy.
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  Right?
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  So we'll pull something that is a little bit more playful.
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  So from the sexual intimacy, the first one I pulled is, what do you wish we did more of in
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  our sex life?
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  But these can be really great converse like, questions too to help people get out of the
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  almost that relationship right around, like, okay.
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  We talk about the same things.
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  We have the same sort of conversations.
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  Sex looks similar.
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  We're managing the kids, the household, the work, etcetera.
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  And these can be really amazing, amazing, amazing ways to kinda break that state and get
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  people out of it.
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  And the in the sexual intimacy cards are awesome because when it comes to questions like
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  fantasy or your favorite things or what do you want more of, it really like, having a deck
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  like this and coming together for the purpose of pulling a card like this, I find really it
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  it just puts people in this space oftentimes of, like, curiosity.
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  Right?
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  Because this the the card deck is all about this open curiosity.
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  It's about listening.
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  It's about thinking creatively, answering more questions.
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  So great stocking stuffer.
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  I'm gonna have links to everything I mentioned in the show notes below for you guys so you can
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  easily find these for yourself.
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  Another just lovely thing.
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  So kava is an amazing herb, and kava will really help to calm anxiety.
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  Kava actually works on the same receptors in our body, like something like Xanax, but it's
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  an herb.
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  It's not addictive.
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  There's no, like, dependency that I've seen people develop around kava, and it tends to be
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  very safe without side effects.
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  And, of course, always talk to your doctor about that.
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  But kava is oftentimes served as a tea in order to get truly the herbal benefits that are
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  relaxing, that get people in the mood, that just calm them so that they can be more
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  present.
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  Kava is an amazing herb for this.
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  And the tea, though, is the traditional way to make kava.
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  Kava tea is really, it just takes some time to brew properly because it takes a while for the
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  the plant's, medicine to actually get into, say, a tea decoction.
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  And these pills, these COVID chill pills, I had just seen to be absolutely phenomenal.
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  They work really, really well for calming the body.
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  I noticed them when I take them.
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  I actually took one earlier today because I was just feeling super busy in my head, and they're
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  super you can be super present with them.
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  It's just, you know, it's just an herbal medicine, and you can find these on Amazon.
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  I put a link also in the description for it for you.
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  So if you're feeling like, wow.
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  You know, so many times when getting ready for sex, maybe you're overwhelmed or your partner's
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  overwhelmed.
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  That's just the way to calm, to enjoy, to get into the moment.
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  I really love these because of their impacts on the body without side effects.
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  Okay.
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  Let's get into a couple more playful things.
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  So I want to introduce you to, this is Mystery Vibes Poco.
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  I absolutely love this company.
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  So Mystery Vibe, I love this company.
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  I've talked about them before because they do so much research on massagers and vibrators.
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  They are FDA approved, many of their devices, because they have been showing that they help
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  with prostate problems for men, vulvar pain for women.
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  They can help women that have been, not orgasmic, get orgasms again.
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  And so what's so lovely, which I love about this particular device, is it's really tiny, so
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  it's very travelable.
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  It's a great stocking stuffer, but it's also bendable.
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  Right?
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  So you can bend it in these different directions.
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  And then the other thing that's so great that I love about this company is they will it will
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  come with, like, this very lovely guide on different positions.
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  And, basically, we'll talk about, like, with couples play, what's the best way to use it as
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  well as with solo play.
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  So it's an it's a really, really lovely vibrator.
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  It travels super well.
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  Because it's so tiny, it's so easy to use in combination with partner play because you can
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  do a lot of different positions really comfortably with it.
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  So that's wonderful.
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  In that particular vibrator, I have, a coupon code for you.
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  So if you're interested in that, that's from Mystery Vibe.
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  Make sure you get the coupon code for that one.
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  It's called the poco.
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  The coupon code works for anything on Mystery Vibe's site though.
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  And then this one is the Lioness.
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  So I've mentioned this one before on this, podcast as well.
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  The Lioness is just absolutely lovely.
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  So you can tell it's a rabbit shaped vibrator.
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  So the shape is pretty normal, but this is a smart vibrator, meaning it connects through an
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  app with your to your phone.
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  And in this app on your phone, you'll actually be able to track arousal of orgasm.
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  If you're doing this with partner play, you can see that in real time.
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  So it can be really helpful in partner play to help your partner understand, oh, like, down to
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  the detail of, like, oh, this pressure, this vibration, this pace, right, can be can, really
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  help.
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  And with the the internal research that the lioness has found is that when people are using
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  this, their arousal is going up, their orgasm quality is going up, their libido is going up
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  because just like anything.
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  Right?
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  Like, we see this with all these tracking devices like the Fitbit.
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  When we track things, we do things better.
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  Things get better.
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  When people track their steps, they walk more.
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  So, of course, when people track their orgasms, they have better orgasms.
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  Right?
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  There's no surprise there.
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  So this is an amazing vibrator.
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  Also, I have a coupon code for you in the show notes on that.
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  That, again, is the Lioness.
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  And then the last thing I wanna make sure to show you is one of my favorite lube companies.
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  This is Phoria.
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  So the quickie kit is a phenomenal stuffing stocking stuffer.
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  So the quickie kit has all of these different, components in it.
• 15:02
  The my favorite thing about FORIA is that it's an MCT oil base for their products.
• 15:08
  Remember, we wanna be very careful about what we're putting on our genitals because there's
• 15:13
  so many products out there.
• 15:14
  There's so many lubes out there that have toxins in them, and toxins are actually
• 15:18
  endocrine disruptors.
• 15:20
  Toxins can disrupt our hormones.
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  So we can be putting something on to help us feel sexier in the mood that, like, might work
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  temporarily but might actually be disrupting our hormones.
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  So we wanna be very, very careful about what we put on our lady bits and on our man parts
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  because of that.
• 15:35
  So MCT oil is absolutely wonderful because it's natural, but it's also not a strong
• 15:41
  antimicrobial.
• 15:42
  Like, sometimes I hear people saying, oh, just use coconut oil.
• 15:45
  Coconut oil is not really the best thing for lube because it is it is very antimicrobial,
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  and we don't want all of this antimicrobial stuff in the vaginal canal.
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  The vaginal canal has all of these healthy microorganisms.
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  Right?
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  We have a microbiome there, and that's keeping the vaginal canal actually really healthy.
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  And so if we if we put something like coconut oil in, which is antimicrobial, what can wind
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  up happening is the vaginal floor can actually get dysregulated.
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  And when that happens, we can wind up having the situation occur where all of a sudden,
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  we're getting, say, either pain or we're getting UTIs or something just feels off in our
• 16:28
  vagina.
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  So we don't want any of that.
• 16:29
  So m t c MCT oil is wonderful that for that.
• 16:33
  For you, they have their so many of their products, they have this arousal or oil that
• 16:37
  you can use for, like, sensual massage that's amazing and a CBD in it.
• 16:42
  Even their sex oil for actually play, intimate play has CBD.
• 16:48
  CBD is just wonderful for, like, keeping that tissue healthy and not inflamed, right,
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  especially as we age as humans.
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  Really making sure that tissue is not inflamed is so important.
• 16:59
  And then one of my favorite parts of this is these intimacy melt.
• 17:03
  So the intimacy melt are these they're these little suppositories.
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  So these suppositories, what they are is you actually insert them intervaginally, and it
• 17:13
  actually forms internal loop.
• 17:15
  And it's amazing.
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  Like, when I first tried these, I was really concerned that I was going to feel them or my
• 17:22
  partner was going to feel them, but they melted almost instantly.
• 17:25
  And it was wonderful because you can insert these ahead of play, and then you're not
• 17:29
  fumbling around for oil and and all of that in the middle of play.
• 17:33
  You're just ready to go, and the feeling is sensational.
• 17:36
  And the other thing, of course, with lube sometimes is sometimes it wears out and you
• 17:41
  have to reapply.
• 17:42
  Right?
• 17:43
  I did not find that that you know, I've actually never found that with this the CBD
• 17:47
  with the, suppositories here.
• 17:50
  So it's a really, really lovely gift, and then it's in its, beautiful, beautiful kit.
• 17:55
  It says better sex starts here on the back.
• 17:58
  So just an all around great product to get accompanied with or acquainted to because they
• 18:03
  have such a great line and because their products are so natural, nontoxic, and really
• 18:09
  support the health of the microbiome.
• 18:11
  So you also have a coupon code for that.
• 18:13
  That's for you in your show notes.
• 18:16
  So I wanna wish you guys all the best during this holiday season.
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  It's been super wonderful in this twenty twenty four year to spend this year with you guys,
• 18:25
  really getting this information out, and we had so many great guests this year.
• 18:29
  Thank you again for your support of this podcast.
• 18:33
  Please do share this with anybody that could benefit from this.
• 18:37
  It really does help me reach others that need this information because, ultimately, why I'm
• 18:43
  doing this podcast like, I don't know if I've told you guys, like, why I'm doing this.
• 18:47
  Like, there's a couple different reasons why I'm doing this.
• 18:50
  One is because in my early twenties, I was suffering from a lot of vulvar pain, and I was
• 18:58
  going to the doctors and had a lot of STD tests run.
• 19:02
  Luckily, they were negative.
• 19:04
  Had a lot of UTI tests run.
• 19:06
  They were negative, which was good, but also annoying because I didn't know what was wrong.
• 19:12
  Right?
• 19:12
  Because it's like, okay.
• 19:13
  This pain was so severe.
• 19:14
  It was keeping me up at night, and I didn't know what was wrong.
• 19:17
  And so it was very frustrating.
• 19:19
  And I actually lived at a roommate.
• 19:21
  A friend of mine at the time had a masturbation practice that she was just very open with
• 19:26
  talking about.
• 19:27
  She would just talk about her masturbation practice.
• 19:28
  So one night, I had never really done that before.
• 19:31
  And one night lying in bed, I decided to try that, and my pain went away.
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  And that was really interesting to me and surprising.
• 19:39
  I was like, okay.
• 19:40
  Well, maybe that's just a chance.
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  And the next night, I tried it again, and my pain went away again.
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  Interesting.
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  And it's three, four nights, and I did that.
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  And all of a sudden, after a little while, I had no pain.
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  So that just, was, like, the first thing that got me really curious in pleasure because and
• 19:59
  that really, like, fundamentally from that, like, that's, like, one of the reasons.
• 20:03
  There's many reasons why I say that pleasure is not just about desire, but it's something we
• 20:08
  require because we actually can see that pleasure can help heal pain.
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  Pleasure can heal wounds.
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  Pleasure can help with bonding and pair bonding.
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  And so that was a huge thing for me.
• 20:20
  And, you know, there's several things throughout the year is, like, another thing
• 20:23
  that happened when I started studying neurolinguistic programming and Richard
• 20:28
  Bandler's work.
• 20:29
  And I was studying, with the studying through his lecture materials.
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  And in one lecture, he's talking about how when he got married, he was saying that people would
• 20:40
  tell him that the sex was gonna get real bad and it was gonna get boring.
• 20:44
  Right?
• 20:45
  And he basically was like, well, this is weird.
• 20:48
  Like, why would I keep practicing something and get worse at it?
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  So I just really love that frame, and it also just opened up more curiosity to me around,
• 20:57
  like, right.
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  Why would we practice something and get worse at it?
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  Like, that doesn't make any logical sense at all.
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  So that started me making me more curious too in novelty, in sexuality, in intimacy, in what
• 21:11
  happens in long term monogamous relationships, and what is the science behind when couples
• 21:16
  stay healthy and connected.
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  And, really, the, you know, the final main reason I could give you a lot of micro reasons,
• 21:23
  but the final main reason for this podcast is really in wanting to help couples