Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / Intuitive Eating, Body Image & Honoring Your Body: My Journey to Self-Love — A Walk and Talk With Brynne
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:01) Baby is down for a nap. Big brothers are at a friend's house having a great time. And mom is on the treadmill. It is 11 10. It's almost noon friends. And I'm doing it. I am getting a walk in. This is day five for me of rocking. So I'm wearing a backpack with weights in it and I'm walking on my treadmill. Treadmill. And I am wrecking and I actually am loving it. I love walking, but I wanted to get a little bit more out of it. So I, my husband helped me make it happen. He found me one of his backpacks of his like 30 that he owns. Cause he's really into outdoors and gear that goes with that. So this one we strapped two five pound weights on the inside. And I think I'm carrying about 18 pounds total today. Feels good. Like my back feels it after. And I love that. Trying to strengthen my core by doing what else I love, which is walking. So I'm habit stacking, if you will. But I really wanted to share my journey of health and body image. with you today. I, oh man, I am really just striving to love myself, my body in particular, no matter where I'm at. while trying to achieve and accomplish my goals at the same time, like not shaming myself for being the way that I'm at and wishing and hoping and thinking I'll be happy and content when I finally drop the 40 pounds. ⁓ But loving myself exactly where I am and truly trying to believe there's nothing wrong with me in my curvier, heavier body. And it's a journey and some days are easier than others. But I'm going to take you back with me. to 14 year old Brynn in middle school and I started my first diet. I don't even remember, I think it was like low carb or no carb, that was kind of a thing back in the early 2000s. And I just remember I would take the same lunch to school every day. I would take like six slices of cucumber with a half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a fruit cup. And that was my lunch every day. And I, I don't know what size I was before. From seventh grade to eighth grade, this all happened. And I think I got down to like a size two or a size four. And that was crazy. It was only that size for probably that year. And even at the time, I didn't realize how significant that was ⁓ for like, dieting standards, like to be that small, whatever. And what an impact that would maybe have on me in the future. I know younger me just truly wanted to. ⁓ get in shape, be stronger. I started volleyball. But it is interesting that that was my first diet. ⁓ And I have been a yo-yo dieter for years, ever since then. Always feeling like I needed to be way less, be a certain size. And that has shifted the last couple of years. I've been working on not caring so much about my size. But that was the beginning. In fact, you guys, I was so strong. I beat all the boys and the girls in the school on the amount of sit-ups you could do in a minute. And I held that record until my little brother came in and beat it seven years later. Isn't that kind of cool? Don't ask me if I could do that again because... I definitely could not. But pretty cool. Kind of fun. And then from there, just got married, gained some weight there, another diet. ⁓ And on and off ever since then, trying to find the next quick fix. Well, I decided I didn't want to do diets anymore and I was desperate. I wanted to make changes. I was so tired of just feeling the urgency of I have to do this in order to receive something, to be something. And that was exhausting ⁓ for myself, for my marriage. My husband never has said anything. about my weight or my body. And, but it was really making it hard to show up, especially in the bedroom. And, I was guided to intuitive eating and I'm so grateful. I don't even remember how I found it or how it was recommended to me. But I listened to a book about it. Essentially, is it's mindful eating, just listening to your hunger cues, learning how to stop when you're full, like truly just listening to your tuning into your body. because it was given the tools to help us take care of ourselves. I know some of us are missing some of the tools or we didn't get the tools when we got here, but I do believe that we are able to take care of ourselves in the way that we can heal and emotions are just information. Our organs give us information about what's going on and where we might need help. And I just learned to really tune into my stomach. And a part of this, they're even like, okay, you're gonna eat anything you want, but you're gonna really pay attention to how it makes you feel. And you're gonna pay attention to when you're actually hungry. Like when does your stomach say you're hungry versus your head? And that was very helpful. Was really tuning into, okay. Is my head just saying we need to eat because it sounds fun? And I really want to devour seven of those cookies I made yesterday. Or is my stomach telling me that is it starting to kind of get grumbly and are we actually hungry? And if that's the case, then let's start with something that's actually going to help energize us and carry us through this day and nourish us. So this started back in, man, it was post my second baby. So 2022, I think. It's been about three years and I did gain about 10 pounds, but I was willing to do it. I was like, what do I have to lose? I know I don't want to do restrictive eating anymore. I don't want to work out hard anymore. ⁓ As in like the hour and 45 minutes doing a HIIT and then heavy lifting every day, which is what I did prior to my first baby. And that was really fun. I really did enjoy that. and had amazing results and was super strong and that was fun. But I don't want to do that anymore. At least not right now, like maybe in the future, but I just started focusing on tuning into my body. And that has benefited me so much. In fact, ever since I gained those 10 pounds three years ago, I have not gained any since. and I pretty much eat what I want by honoring my cues. I do like nourishing my body, trying to fit in fruits and vegetables and protein. That's important to me. That is something that I learned through dieting. So as much as I don't love the back and forth on and off and the reasonings why I have dieted, I have learned a lot about food. and choices from those processes. And I do feel like those were integral steps in my process of figuring out where I want to be today. So if you're a dieter, you don't need to shame yourself over it. But maybe consider your reasonings. Like, why am I doing this? Do I actually want to do this? Or do I feel like I have to do this? And why do I feel like I have to do this? Is it because I believe I'm not lovable? exactly as I am and in order to be loved I need to lose weight. That's where I have been. ⁓ Still am depending on the day. And I'm here to tell you that that is the biggest lie. ⁓ We are completely lovable exactly as we are. And the more that we own it and we feel confident in our bodies, like it's just easier to believe it ⁓ and easier for maybe others to believe it too. That you are lovable, no matter your size. And I am contributing to the collective of all bodies, our worthy bodies, our beautiful bodies, our strong bodies. I'm focusing more on what can my body do. ⁓ And as I've gotten more clear on the life I want to live, that has helped determine what I want my body to be able to do for me. So for me, I... really value hiking and swimming and kayaking and camping and running around with my kids and going down water slides and walking around a theme park from 8 AM to midnight. Like those are things that I want to be able to do for as long as I can be able to do them forever would be amazing. Oh, skiing, snowboarding, snow shoeing, all the winter stuff. Have you thought about that travel? So these are the things that I want to be able to do. I need my body to be able to carry me through to be able to do these things. So within my circumstances, within my reality, what do I need to do to create a body that can help support me in my goals? And when I got really clear on that, it's been easier to be like, okay, well, quite frankly, my pant size doesn't matter. in order to accomplish these goals. So what does matter? All my energy, my endurance, my strength. Not my size. And that is what I have been focusing on ever since. And I bought myself some new cute clothes for my size 12 body. And I love ⁓ the saying that clothes are meant to fit you, not you fit your clothes. They're just a tool to cover up your body. And the numbering system is just helpful way for you to know about which one you should buy online. It's not meant to be a demon that ⁓ judges you. It's just a number. It's completely neutral unless we make it mean otherwise. So I was an 8'10 forever. I'm a 12'14 now and that's okay. So it's interesting as I've allowed myself, because for long time it was all about being able to fit into the smallest size. And ever since I've gotten rid of that and I'm like, heck no. I just want to wear comfortable clothes that feel good, that I feel good in, that are comfortable. So now I have a huge range of clothes and it has nothing to do with them judging me. It's just, how do I want this hoodie to fit? How do I want these pants to fit? How does I want this shirt to fit? Do I need it smaller and tighter? Do I want it bigger and super cozy? Like it's, it's just helpful information so that I know what size I want to get to fit my body a certain way. So I've got cute new clothes. I've tried different workout programs. I've experimented a lot. That's looks totally different too, depending on. my children, how much they need me when I'm available for them. Is it something that I want to do with them around? Is it something I want to do when they're not around? I look at all my different options. I looked at gyms, looked at gyms with babysitting, tried exercising at night, tried waking up early in the morning, and currently I am doing it during nap time. So it changes a lot. You gotta be flexible. Take breaks when you need to, honor your body. Some days I can do more, some days I can do less, but I just try to move my body in some way each day. And some days it's just stretching, which is also very helpful and beneficial. Other days it's just a simple walk with my dog. Other days I'm hiking uphill. I'm doing Pilates. I'm doing kickboxing. It just, what does my body need? And the best part of that intuitive eating, it just helped me tune in to my body in every way. ⁓ From what tastes good, what feels good, how much food do I actually... want or need to eat. And with the exercise too, does this exercise feel good? Did I push myself too hard? Did I go a little harder? What do I want to do? What sounds fun today? Like honoring what sounds fun and doing something instead of nothing. And when you actually let yourself do what you want to do with exercise rather than what everyone else tells you you should be doing, man, that's magic. And that for me, that's what middle ground is. Middle ground is figuring out what you want to do. After you've listened to everyone and their opinions, right? The experts, the influencers, what's working for them. Then you go inward to yourself and your heart and your body. And you say, well, what do I want to do now? What sounds fun to me? What would light me up? If I were to move my body, what would that look like for me? And my situation with where I live and my circumstances. Then you get to problem solving. And then you get to achieving your goals and making the dream of the life of your dreams happen. And that is magic. And that is when life gets super fun. Because you're getting clear on the life you want to live and how you're going to make it happen. Your body, my friend, is going to carry you through this life. So I realized it was worth investing in in some way, but trying to make it as easy, one easy, these are my two rules, make it as easy as possible and as fun as possible. And then you're doing something instead of nothing that's getting you closer to where you want to be. And it just lights me up and honoring that and not shaming myself on who I'm supposed to be. what I'm supposed to be doing, what is it supposed to look like, my body, my diet, my exercise, what do want it to look like? If it was the most fun and the most easy and least resistant as possible, what would that be? And then you start the scientific method of trial and error and it changes constantly. Again, because your circumstances change and it's a wonderful thing that we're here to. grow and progress and change and evolve and see who we can become. Anyway, I think it's pretty awesome. So going inside, getting intentional through intuitiveness. So that's a real word. It's a good one. Listening to your body, taking the time to do that and not shaming yourself when you don't do it. In fact, one of the most helpful practices that I started kind of even before I got into intuitive eating was meditation. It's it's so worth it. that stillness, that time to connect with your body and your soul, your breathing, paying attention to your heart, to your thoughts. Man, that is probably where it really all started for me. Was truly listening to My body in that way you sit still You pay attention to your breath you do a body scan you check in with every part of your body Yeah, that's definitely where it really started was with meditation Stillness and I've just become more and more aligned. I saw somewhere the other day that when the body and the spirit in the mind are become or are aligned, that's what creates your soul. And that really resonated with me. And that is truly what I'm seeking for in life is how can I be the most healthy, aligned me in every way. and make it as fun and easy as possible and less shame and judgment and way more love. Let love guide you in everything. Bodies are amazing. They really are. I like to believe that your body is truly trying to support you and take care of you. I was listening to a podcast where a woman was really sad about her miscarriage and trying to move forward and conceive a baby and they were really struggling. And this is the story of many women out there. And the coach that I was listening to said, your body wants you to have a It is trying so hard. to make that happen for you. Because I cry quite often these days as I'm getting more aligned with my heart and my head. ⁓ And that just resonated with me so much. Like, bodies don't want to let us down. They really do want to take care of us and protect us and carry us through this life and helping us achieve our dreams and live the life that we desire. But this body is also subject to the highs and lows and things thrown at it that it can't control. But what is interesting is you. human with the brain. You do have lot of control of how you support your body. So as it's trying to support you, what are you doing to support it? What are you feeding it? How are you nourishing it? How are you taking care of it? Well, through what you put in through your mouth, what you put in through your eyes, through your ears, what are you listening to? What are you watching? What are you consuming? How are you supporting your body as much as it's trying to support you? thought that was really beautiful. bodies want to take care of us. We're trying so hard, but so let's try and show them more love. Let's show our bodies as much love as possible and you get to determine what that looks like. Okay. To encourage you today. journal, think for a minute, think out loud in the shower, kitchen sink, like me, grab out your voice memo. I do that a lot too. When I can't sit and journal, I just talk. And sometimes I talk to someone, a lot of times I just talk into a voice memo. And that's been very helpful. When I can't sit and write, which is most of the time, let's be honest. And ask yourself, what do I want my body? to be able to do. How do I want to live? How do I want to be able to move my body throughout my life? And what do I need to do to take care of my body and support my body so we can do these things? Like I said, I want to ski, snowboard, go boating, kayaking, hiking. Like, what kind of life do you want to live? Maybe yours isn't as active as mine, which actually is very helpful. Maybe you do value a more sedentary lifestyle. And that's good information to know. So what kind of a body do you need if you just want to be able to travel and sit on the beach and maybe take a walk on the beach? It's probably going to take less lifting, right? Heavy lifting at the gym, which is good to know because then you can stop shaming yourself about doing that when you actually don't really want to be able to do that. And if at any point that goal changes, sweet. You do the same process again. What would that look like? How are you gonna make it happen? In the most fun and easy way possible. Alright, it's gonna be good day. You got this. Figure out what you want your body to do, what you want to accomplish, and get to it. I am cheering you on. I totally believe in you. Have a great day.