Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / Restorative Practice Secrets 1/7: Together Beats Talented

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Restorative Practice Secrets 1/7: Together Beats Talented · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Greetings and welcome back to the sweet spot where science meets soul.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Today's Making Moves Monday, on the sweet spot.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: And you're listening to Dr Derek Sweet, your board certified sports and performance psychiatrist, here, who is going to help you unlock the power of restorative practices today so that you can use it as a game changer in your life moving forward.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: So what are restorative practices?
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Well, the best way I can tell you is that restorative practices is a way of being able to collaborate and to navigate conflicts in a positive way.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: That's not punitive or punishing or finger pointing.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: It's a way of valuing five R's, and these five R's are relationship, respect, responsibility, repair and reintegration.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I want this to be your superpower.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So this week, on Making Moves Monday, here at the Sweet Spot, we're going to be talking about how do you become a restorative practices conscious individual and how do you use this superpower to help you.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So I told you about the five principles, the five R's.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: We're going to do one R every day this week, and today we're going to focus on the foundation of it all in restorative practice.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: The first of the five R's called relationships, and today we're going to focus on the foundation of it all in restorative practice, the first of the five R's called relationships.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: So let me show you how this works in real life.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I'm going to share a story about myself and how I learned to value relationships.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: So way, way, way back, I used to be a chief resident in psychiatry and I worked with a brilliant but ultra-analytical colleague who the team used to call cautious.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Now, instantly, you're going to see how this works.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Because the team used to call me comfortable because I was so outgoing, so relaxed and so casual.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Well, when cautious meant comfortable, we clashed.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: We clashed constantly and this affected the entire team.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I would say something he would find the problem, he would always have something negative to say.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Ever run into one of those kind of individuals, so critical, so cold, so calculating?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I was really annoyed by him and at some point, I had to admit, I felt a bit threatened.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: So we would avoid each other, we would trip over each other.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: And one day I just decided you know what, enough of this.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: And I went up to him and I said to him hey man, look, I feel like there's a real problem here between me and you, and I'm willing to figure out where I'm having a blind spot with you.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: How can I be better.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: What can I do to stop this sort of pressure between us?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And to my surprise, he just laughed and smiled and said man, I've been trying to figure out a way to come to you too.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I just didn't know how to do it.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: And we sat there and we spoke, and what I learned was that the reason that he's so cautious was that he grew up in a family where he single parent home literally had to be the most cautious person to protect the family.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I grew up in a different kind of environment.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Everybody was around and we were very, very relational, and so I was much more relaxed.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: That sharing of information of our cultures, of where we grew up, really helped us.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I am an African Caribbean male, he is a white male, and we were also discussing how those cultural differences helped us sort of stay away from each other, because we were kind of worried about what were we thinking of each other.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Needless to say, we were the best of friends after this.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: We are great friends to this day and as a result of this, our team became stronger.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: In fact, we would look at situations and literally we would joke and he would say well, I'm going to give you the cautious angle, and then I'm going to say I'm going to give you the comfort angle or the comfortable angle, and it became a running joke as we understood each other and we found synchrony with each other.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: We didn't always agree, but boy did we understand each other and have an appreciation for each other and invited each other's approaches because we understood each other.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: That's the power of restorative practice.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: We could have been on either side of the ring and not talking to each other with assumptions about each other.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: On either side of the ring and not talking to each other with assumptions about each other, and literally I could have said that's some kind of a white dude, that's just he doesn't like me because I'm black, and he could have been thinking the same thing about me and at the same time, we would be so wrong about each other.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Now I'm not saying in the world that we don't have racial and cultural differences that we need to navigate.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that restorative practice gives me the opportunity and gives you the opportunity to think differently, ask questions, learn and figure out a way forward, and that's the power of relationship.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: So I want you to think about the greatest teams in soccer history.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: They weren't just a collection of talented players.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Think of the great teams in basketball and football.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: They were groups who understood each other, communicated effectively and built strong relationships, I guarantee you.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: So, just as I learned to work with cautious my friend, successful teams had to learn to blend different personalities and personal styles and playing styles into a cohesive unit.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: So remember this in high performance, relationships aren't just nice to have, they're a need to have.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: You must have great relationships, so that's why your Making Moves Monday challenge today is simple but powerful.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Choose one relationship that needs strengthening in your life A teammate, a colleague, a co-worker, a family member and I want you to make a move today to start repairing, restoring or at least connecting with this relationship.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It can be as simple as saying hey, I've been thinking about our working relationship or I've been thinking about us recently and I'd love to grab some coffee or to sit with you and just learn more about your perspective.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: The key here is to reach out, schedule some kind of a meeting to send that message and then, when you're in that meeting, to listen actively, to focus on understanding the other person's perspective and then to share share openly and find common ground and be willing to show vulnerability when looking for shared goals, those three approaches that I just mentioned reaching out to schedule a meeting, listening actively to focus on understanding the other person's perspective and to share openly, to find common ground.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Be willing to be a little bit vulnerable, oh my goodness, you will see something open up Now.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself which relationship, if strengthened in my life right now, would have a great positive impact on my performance All right now.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: As soccer legend Abby Wambach put it together beats talented.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I love that quote.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Together beats talented Three simple words that say it all.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: So it's Making Moves Monday.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: We are talking about restorative practices.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: We are dealing with the first of the five R's, which is relationship, and we are saying that relationships are the foundation to our success.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: So your move starts now on Making Moves Monday.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Everybody knows that tomorrow is Take Action Tuesday and we're going to explore the next R of the restorative practices, which is responsibility.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Until then, remember every strong performance starts with a strong relationship.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I'm Dr Sweet and I'm out.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Have a beautiful and powerful day.