Latest / No One Gets Hurt / One Crime at a Time

Transcript

One Crime at a Time · No One Gets Hurt

0:00
SPEAKER_03: I've met a few decent police officers, especially from CHP, because they've pulled me over quite a few times and I'm still driving that bitch.
0:08
SPEAKER_03: You feel me?
0:09
SPEAKER_06: Like some of them let you sell Coke in their condos.
0:15
SPEAKER_03: Alright, listen up and no one gets hurt.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: This is a podcast that focuses on crimes and scams where no one physically is harmed.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: This is a podcast for information and internet purposes only.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: Nothing in this podcast should be taken as legal advice.
0:31
SPEAKER_03: So listen up and no one gets hurt.
0:34
SPEAKER_03: You already said that.
0:35
SPEAKER_03: Alright, well, don't forget to like and subscribe, and in the comments, tell us which game you'd like us to cover next week.
0:43
SPEAKER_07: Roll it in.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to another episode of No One Gets Hurt Pod.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: This week we have a real special situation, but first I'm going to introduce our co-host Tonyo.
0:54
SPEAKER_03: What up?
0:55
SPEAKER_03: You know me, low on sleep, high on weed.
0:59
SPEAKER_03: About to get caffeinated and make some magic happen.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: You have a little bit of adrenaline going today?
1:03
SPEAKER_03: Uh uh, yeah.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: You want to get into it now or a little bit later?
1:07
SPEAKER_03: Uh we we could wait.
1:10
SPEAKER_03: So we'll get there.
1:12
SPEAKER_03: All right.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh and today's guest we have is a hilarious comic that you see all over the place, Mr.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: Lucas Cicero.
1:20
SPEAKER_05: Hey, thank you.
1:21
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
1:22
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:23
SPEAKER_05: How's it going?
1:23
SPEAKER_05: Good, good, yeah.
1:24
SPEAKER_05: How are you guys doing?
1:25
SPEAKER_01: Doing good.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Glad to have you here.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: Big fan of your comedy.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh you've been doing any shows lately?
1:33
SPEAKER_06: Um yeah.
1:35
SPEAKER_06: Uh I'm trying to think what's the last show I did.
1:39
SPEAKER_06: Uh I was down in San Diego like on a Wednesday.
1:42
SPEAKER_06: I did I did a couple shows where that was cool.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: All right.
1:45
SPEAKER_06: One's at this like um called Collective Comedy.
1:48
SPEAKER_06: It's like a collective kind of it's like a bar you can rent out for like special events.
1:53
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
1:54
SPEAKER_06: They do a show there every Wednesday.
1:56
SPEAKER_06: Phenomenal.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: Um what part of San Diego?
1:58
SPEAKER_06: Uh Pacific Beach.
2:00
SPEAKER_06: Oh, nice, nice.
2:01
SPEAKER_06: That's fun.
2:02
SPEAKER_06: All the youngsters are out, yeah.
2:04
SPEAKER_06: But actually, surprisingly, like kind of older crowd for that show.
2:07
SPEAKER_06: So that was interesting.
2:08
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
2:08
SPEAKER_06: I didn't even know they had old people in PB.
2:10
SPEAKER_06: I thought they just kind of Oh, yes, yes.
2:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I thought you were a bit of a youngster until I got up close.
2:15
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you saw the grays?
2:18
SPEAKER_03: I could see the grays and the face wrinkles, and I was like, Yeah, this guy's been doing some shit.
2:23
SPEAKER_03: I guess so, yeah.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, ocean beach next to PB is like it's got its own vibe too.
2:27
SPEAKER_01: My inner like there's a lot of there's a lot of older hippies that live there, you know.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's who can afford to live there though, right?
2:33
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's pretty expensive.
2:35
SPEAKER_06: So in fact, anyone can afford it is like yeah, true.
2:38
SPEAKER_06: True to them.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so what about locally?
2:42
SPEAKER_01: Have you done you're you have a show coming up, I think, in Belfower or Lakewood?
2:45
SPEAKER_06: Uh yeah, today actually.
2:47
SPEAKER_06: Oh, okay.
2:47
SPEAKER_06: It's in, I think, no, it's Lakewood, it's Lakewood.
2:50
SPEAKER_06: It's uh Drew Evans show.
2:51
SPEAKER_06: Yep.
2:51
SPEAKER_06: It's like at a coffee shop, uh, I think Pa Dequa.
2:54
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
2:55
SPEAKER_06: We love Drew.
2:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, Drew's awesome.
2:57
SPEAKER_06: So I'm really stoked to do the show.
2:59
SPEAKER_06: I've like had to reschedule one, so I'm like, all right, I'm doing this time.
3:02
SPEAKER_06: That's right.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
3:03
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I like the new advertisements he's been doing.
3:06
SPEAKER_01: It's like the pictures are pretty like crisp and clear, and like you can actually see who's performing.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: That's one thing I've noticed about a lot of um uh comedy flyers.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: I've helped out one of our colleagues before because I was like, you can't even see who they are, you can't read the names.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: It's a blurry version of the picture, but it's hard because if you you put too many people, which you want a lot of people on the show, you know, because it's your homies, but then the more people it the smaller the picture, you can't see who is on the show, you know.
3:34
SPEAKER_06: That's a good point.
3:34
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
3:35
SPEAKER_06: Plus, I feel like that the more people you have on the show, it becomes more like uh kind of a marathon.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:42
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
3:42
SPEAKER_06: Cause even though like you can have a lot of people on a 90-minute show and people will like sit through it, I I feel like people start to lose patience after like the 12th comic, you know.
3:52
SPEAKER_06: Oh, for sure.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: I think it depends on how much time you're giving everybody though.
3:56
SPEAKER_06: Mm-hmm.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: Cause like we did a show, we've done a couple shows together where it's been like nine people, and uh instead of giving everybody 10 minutes, you're giving everybody like six to seven minutes.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like that was actually pretty successful because a six minute is like a real tight set, right?
4:14
SPEAKER_01: And uh if the audience doesn't like this comic, they know that the next comic coming up is most likely gonna be more their vibe, you know.
4:22
SPEAKER_03: They were with us all the way through the headliner, though.
4:25
SPEAKER_03: That's cool.
4:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, where's this one?
4:26
SPEAKER_03: That was a great crowd.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: Well, this was at Huntington Beach Elks Lodge.
4:30
SPEAKER_06: Elks Lodge, yeah, okay, cool.
4:31
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that those kind of venues always have like really good crowds, right?
4:36
SPEAKER_06: Like uh any Elk Lodge VFW or like uh uh opsec post, you know, those like military American Legion.
4:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was like a hundred plus people.
4:47
SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's awesome.
4:48
SPEAKER_03: It was crazy, yeah.
4:49
SPEAKER_03: Dude, yeah, stand in room only.
4:50
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
4:51
SPEAKER_03: Dude, I'll have to do that.
4:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, next time.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: Um it's interesting.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: So I was talking to uh my one of my husband's colleagues at work, and uh he's a Marine, and he said he because I was like, Oh, are you a member of American Legion?
5:03
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I've been thinking about it.
5:04
SPEAKER_01: He's like, But I think I'm gonna do uh VFW, Veterans of Foreign Wars, and then I go, because I don't know.
5:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, do you have does that mean like you had to like fight in a war?
5:15
SPEAKER_01: He's like, yeah, veterans of foreign wars.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: I didn't write.
5:22
SPEAKER_05: Like you're the Coast Guard, you can't get in.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm a mere I'm I'm a member of the American Auxiliary, which is a like a group attached to the Legion because my grandpa was in World War II.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: Cool.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, and um, so I do like volunteers, not a lot.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: I don't do a lot, I should do more of a full-time job doing this side hustle, you know.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
5:43
SPEAKER_03: You already volunteer here in the office.
5:44
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is Tonyo's community service video.
5:47
SPEAKER_03: So this isn't a watch, it's got a letter.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: Right.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: But um, so I do try to volunteer.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: Like one one thing I did last year was actually really interesting.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, I went to a cemetery and uh laid wreaths on the service men and women's uh tombstones or like their headstones, whatever.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: And it it was so there's so many people there to do it.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: It was actually really interesting.
6:15
SPEAKER_01: And the crazy thing though is like when you're going through a cemetery and like seeing the different uh people like when you're like, whoa, this person was only 16, or like, whoa, this person was 104.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
6:26
SPEAKER_01: Like it's so you know, you start wondering, like, what's this person's story, you know?
6:31
SPEAKER_01: Or I don't know.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: I've seen this thing recently where apparently they're putting QR codes on tombstones or headstones.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: So like you can you can like click on it and it's like this is my story, and it's like this is where I live, this is where I was married to, these are my kids.
6:46
SPEAKER_03: Like that's that gives me mixed feelings.
6:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was just about to say, I don't know how I fully feel about that.
6:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because like on one hand, I can respect that aspect of it where it's like, okay, you can learn my story, but like part of me is like that's that's that's very distasteful.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: So it's like but if you're the one that uh died and you authorized it.
7:08
SPEAKER_06: I wouldn't mind.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:09
SPEAKER_06: I wouldn't mind, but I feel like hopefully if if I die of a tombstone they put a QR code, maybe there'll be some sort of highlight reel of like my jokes.
7:18
SPEAKER_06: What if they put the wrong jokes, you know?
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, you would have to authorize it ahead of time.
7:23
SPEAKER_03: Maybe.
7:24
SPEAKER_03: I know exactly what I'd do, and it just hit me.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
7:28
SPEAKER_03: If I put a QR code on my headstone, everybody's getting Rick rolled.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: What does that mean?
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what that means.
7:36
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what that means?
7:39
SPEAKER_03: Do you know what that means?
7:40
SPEAKER_03: Nah, I was pretending that.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: Educate us.
7:43
SPEAKER_03: James knows.
7:44
SPEAKER_03: I heard him chuckle in there.
7:46
SPEAKER_03: So uh getting Rick rolled is basically like uh for a very bad example.
7:52
SPEAKER_03: Like you're expecting, you're watching a video and you're expecting something to happen, and then all of a sudden Rick Astley pops up and he's doing never gonna give you a.
8:01
SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's funny.
8:02
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:03
SPEAKER_03: It's a pretty big thing.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
8:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's a very big thing.
8:08
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
8:10
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:10
SPEAKER_03: Uh so that would be that's my plan.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: What if you put your jokes on there and someone found like they were offended by them?
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Then you'd be canceled again when you're dead?
8:20
SPEAKER_01: That'd be weird.
8:20
SPEAKER_06: I don't think it can be canceled once you're dead.
8:22
SPEAKER_06: Once you're dead, it's like, all right.
8:25
SPEAKER_06: I just thought about it.
8:26
SPEAKER_06: Like, what if I just put something funny, like highlights of me playing pickup basketball?
8:33
SPEAKER_06: It's like, well, it's not what I was expecting, dude.
8:35
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's funny.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: But like, I guess you've already been canceled because you're dead.
8:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, uh, yeah.
8:41
SPEAKER_03: Cancelled in a different way.
8:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:43
SPEAKER_03: You canceled your life subscription.
8:48
SPEAKER_06: The free trial indeed.
8:50
SPEAKER_06: I mean, if if the people go back and see some of these comics who passed away and try to cancel them, it's like, dude.
8:55
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a lot of there's a lot of that, I'm sure.
8:59
SPEAKER_03: So yeah, cancel culture is disgusting.
9:02
SPEAKER_03: Agreed.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, so anyway, so the colleague was like, Yeah, you had to actually be it's more select the VFW because there's not as many people.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: Whereas American Legion, it's just like if you were in the military, you can join, or if you have family members of military, you can join auxiliary or sons of, and so yeah.
9:25
SPEAKER_01: But anyways, yeah, some fun stuff.
9:28
SPEAKER_04: Which one did you go to, by the way?
9:29
SPEAKER_04: Which VFW?
9:30
SPEAKER_01: I've never been to a VFW.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: But the Elks Lodge that we performed at was in Huntington's Beach, and I've performed at the Elks Lodge in Paramount, and that was a really great crowd, too.
9:39
SPEAKER_07: Oh, okay.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: And then I was trying to get American Legion, but I haven't gotten any traction with that.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: The Newport Beach one, I haven't gotten any traction.
9:45
SPEAKER_03: So Where is Paramount?
9:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's kind of near Bellflower.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: It's Long Beach adjacent.
9:52
SPEAKER_06: It's where the 710 meets the 91.
9:55
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
9:56
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
9:56
SPEAKER_06: Like if you go right, it's Paramount.
9:58
SPEAKER_06: If you go left, it's Compton.
9:59
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh Horchateria.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: Or Gill's.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
10:03
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's Paramount.
10:05
SPEAKER_06: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
10:06
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, hell yeah.
10:07
SPEAKER_06: Puro.
10:09
SPEAKER_06: Puro, yeah.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: Puro Laughs.
10:11
SPEAKER_06: Puro Laughs, yeah.
10:12
SPEAKER_06: I think they have a new home now.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think is that the Horchateria, isn't it?
10:17
SPEAKER_06: It used to be there.
10:18
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
10:18
SPEAKER_06: I think they moved it somewhere and then I don't know, they might have moved it again.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
10:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
10:23
SPEAKER_06: Or R and P Orchateria is still there, but Oh, it's so good.
10:27
SPEAKER_06: I heard like the only reason why they had to stop doing it there is because we were like too loud outside.
10:33
SPEAKER_06: Uh and I guess all the neighbors were you know tired of the noise.
10:37
SPEAKER_03: That makes sense.
10:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:38
SPEAKER_03: I was at uh I was at the comedy store Wednesday.
10:42
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, I saw you there.
10:43
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
10:44
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:44
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
10:44
SPEAKER_03: You were there too.
10:45
SPEAKER_03: And uh so you you remember the guy telling everybody to stop clapping.
10:50
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
10:51
SPEAKER_03: When they cause like the the uh the computer broke or whatever, probably the HDMI chord was bad, but uh you they put the names on a screen over top of the bar for people who are sitting outside and smoking, and that died.
11:06
SPEAKER_03: The computer or whatever, like they just had to cut it off.
11:09
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what happened.
11:11
SPEAKER_03: So they had a guy and shout out to this guy because he was running back and forth, like doing his fucking whatever else he was doing, and then he would come every couple minutes and quiet everybody down and announce the names out loud.
11:26
SPEAKER_03: Uh, and then like you know, people are drinking and having a good time, so he he would announce the names and then everybody would cheer.
11:34
SPEAKER_03: Well, about this, I think it was like the second or third time he came back, he told everybody to stop cheering because they could hear him in the original room while people were performing.
11:43
SPEAKER_03: Wow, yeah, whatever.
11:45
SPEAKER_03: I mean, yeah, the party's out here, that's not our problem.
11:49
SPEAKER_06: So it is kind of like winning the lottery.
11:51
SPEAKER_06: I mean, the the like the bucket is this big, right?
11:54
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's like it's like a bucket.
11:56
SPEAKER_06: Like you're the your chances are not very high.
11:59
SPEAKER_06: They're not great at all.
12:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I didn't get picked.
12:01
SPEAKER_06: I ain't either.
12:02
SPEAKER_06: I mean, I only put one ticket, and there's people who put like five, six.
12:06
SPEAKER_03: I usually put quite a few because I gotta drive an hour.
12:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
12:09
SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna make it worth my time.
12:10
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna at least try and make it worth my time, you know.
12:12
SPEAKER_03: I feel that.
12:13
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, I was in Austin and uh we knew we weren't gonna get tickets to Kill Tony, just because it was sold out, and there's four of us.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't think that waiting in line, I didn't think we had a chance to do like will what's it called?
12:28
SPEAKER_01: Like stand.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: There's like a term for it, like when you're like not will call, but like standby?
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Standby, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: So uh I I figured like we probably the chances were not if there's one person, I think you might have a chance of getting in, but four people probably not.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: So we went to I think it's called Poor Decisions, but it's not they don't host it there anymore.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: I think they're at Shakespeare's now.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: But um Poor Decisions uh is where they would have everybody wait while you're waiting to get called to go on the show, unless you're in unless you like were a paid customer and like you know, watching the show inside.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: So it was very interesting.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: You you know the show Kill Tony, right?
13:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming.
13:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming.
13:06
SPEAKER_06: Wait, but did you sign up for Kill Tony?
13:07
SPEAKER_01: No, I I did not sign up.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Not that time.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: I did another time, which I'm so glad I didn't get called because like it was it was uh the um YouTube arena or whatever.
13:16
SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah, I signed up that time too.
13:18
SPEAKER_06: Um when it was here in uh couple like last year.
13:21
SPEAKER_06: Where the Clippers play.
13:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, the uh Toid Dome.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: No, it was at the YouTube theater.
13:26
SPEAKER_06: Oh, so it was last year.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: It was either last yeah, I think it was last year.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: And I yeah, if I would have gotten picked, it would have been awful.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: Like I would have been ripped.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: So because I I didn't know what I was doing.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm stuck like not that I know what I'm doing now, but like it was like comparatively speaking, yeah.
13:41
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, it would have been pretty bad.
13:43
SPEAKER_06: But I feel like uh like female comics get a little bit more grace.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: I feel like no.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: I feel like as soon as they see a female comic, they're like no.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: They already start with a demerit, I feel like.
13:53
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I you know, I agree.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think it's also like the n male bashing jokes.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: Like I think that that's I think a lot of female comics go with the male bashing jokes.
14:03
SPEAKER_03: I love a good male bashing joke, it just has to be funny.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: Right.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, that's like anything political.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like if you if the person is bashing a person you like, it's it or doesn't like either way.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: As long as it doesn't come in my opinion, as long as it doesn't come across as hateful, as long as it's funny, I have no problem with it.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: Like if you want to bash the person I'm voting for or the person I don't like, as long as it's funny, I don't care.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
14:29
SPEAKER_01: Like it doesn't matter.
14:30
SPEAKER_03: That's how I feel about comedy in general.
14:32
SPEAKER_03: Like any anything goes.
14:34
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you can that's the the main aspect and one of the reasons that I love comedy so much is because it represents free speech at its fucking core.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:46
SPEAKER_03: So anything you can say anything you want.
14:50
SPEAKER_03: You it doesn't matter what you want to joke about as long as it's fucking funny.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, so anyway, so when we're at Port Decisions, it was so interesting though, because you see all these like people that are like walking around like manic, you know.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, I'm like, it's a minute, but I'm also like it's a minute, bro.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: Like it's a minute.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: You've been practicing, like you got this, you know what I mean?
15:10
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right.
15:11
SPEAKER_03: So you fucking you to can take a thousand swings with your baseball bat till you step up to the plate and strike out, you know.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: I think the most like stressful thing about it would be like when I watch it, the person who's killing, and then you're behind the curtain, ready to go, and it's like, oh shit, like that guy just destroyed, and then like you have to come out.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: It was actually cool.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: I saw this guy recently how he how he did it.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: This guy was killing.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: Next day he comes up, he goes, like, well, if you like the last guy, he's like, This is gonna be different.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: And like everybody he had him right away, like by doing that, because he addressed it.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: He was like, he wasn't just like, I'm ignoring it.
15:46
SPEAKER_01: He's like, You see, that guy was so funny.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Well, this is gonna be a little different.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: And he he destroyed too back-to-back golden ticket winners.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: That was pretty freaking cool.
15:53
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, that was cool.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: What I was gonna say, though, real quick, and then I'll finish up this little segment, is like it was interesting because as soon as uh they were gonna call someone's name and they were like, Okay, like Joe Smith, everybody in the whole thing were like, Woo! Because everybody, yeah, like you said, it's just to get called, to get pulled out of a bucket of 200 people is pretty freaking cool, you know.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: So and I videotaped the guy running across the street, and then I posted it when his show, when his like segment got aired, and then he reposted it was kind of cool.
16:21
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
16:22
SPEAKER_03: I feel like the odds are even even smaller for Kill Tony because you only put one ticket in that bitch.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think you're right.
16:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that is true.
16:29
SPEAKER_03: You can put as many tickets in you as you want at the comedy store as long as you keep fucking buying drinks or whatever.
16:35
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they have like little trinkets they sell for$15 and that gets you four tickets.
16:40
SPEAKER_03: Dang.
16:41
SPEAKER_03: So, I mean, considering a fucking vodka Red Bull is like$18, or you could spend fit for one ticket, or you could spend a$15.
16:50
SPEAKER_03: I have a comedy store lighter over there.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: I feel like you start like giving those as Christmas gifts to your kids.
16:57
SPEAKER_03: Here's a comedy store ashtray.
17:01
SPEAKER_06: Your daddy wanted to be something.
17:05
SPEAKER_06: I'm trying, god damn it.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: This is an investment in your future.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, speaking of investments, um, are you uh like a crypto dude?
17:15
SPEAKER_06: No, not crypto.
17:16
SPEAKER_06: It might do I give off crypto vibes?
17:18
SPEAKER_06: I mean, maybe like a little bit.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would see that like Bitcoin, any of that stuff?
17:22
SPEAKER_06: I mean, I have a little bit, but just the the popular ones like Bitcoin and um uh God, what's the second most popular?
17:29
SPEAKER_06: Ethereum, Ethereum.
17:31
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I used to be big into like the other ones, and I'm like, uh, I don't know.
17:34
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's all it's all lottery.
17:36
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, if I'm gonna gamble, I'm gonna gamble on something I know and that's sports.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
17:40
SPEAKER_06: That's a good point.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: What's what's your sport?
17:42
SPEAKER_06: Uh football and soccer.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
17:44
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
17:45
SPEAKER_06: I mean, I I play basketball, but as far as like what the ones I watch the most, football and soccer.
17:50
SPEAKER_03: You look like a 49ers fan.
17:52
SPEAKER_03: No, fuck no.
17:55
SPEAKER_03: Giants.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
17:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
17:57
SPEAKER_03: That's fucking worse.
17:58
SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't have admitted to that on Facebook.
18:00
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean, they've been terrible, but I don't know.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: The Niners are just I mean, that Dejaon Love, he's looking pretty good for the city.
18:06
SPEAKER_06: Oh man, yeah, that guy.
18:08
SPEAKER_06: Hey, shout out to him.
18:09
SPEAKER_06: I've never seen so many people get behind like a fraudster like so quickly.
18:13
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
18:14
SPEAKER_06: Like, damn, this guy's our hero.
18:15
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
18:16
SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, if you fell for that dumbass shit, you deserved it, dog.
18:20
SPEAKER_06: It's like, wait, you dated a guy for several years and thought he was on the team, even though he never showed up on the you never checked to the actual response.
18:28
SPEAKER_03: Did you never watch a game?
18:29
SPEAKER_03: You never noticed in fucking November when he was sitting on your couch while the Niners were playing.
18:34
SPEAKER_03: Come on, dog.
18:36
SPEAKER_03: One time.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: He was on the injured reserve.
18:39
SPEAKER_06: So yeah, walking with no limb back.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: It was his pinky.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: It was his pinky.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was pinky.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: He couldn't catch, remember?
18:47
SPEAKER_03: That's fucking funny.
18:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
18:48
SPEAKER_03: That motherfucker wasn't even the towel boys crazy.
18:52
SPEAKER_03: If you're that good of a receiver, you tape that shit together and you make it work.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he was receiving funds, illegal funds.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:00
SPEAKER_03: I'm finna tell people I play for the cowboys.
19:03
SPEAKER_03: I got enough felonies, they'll believe me.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: Isn't it the Raiders?
19:08
SPEAKER_03: Hell no, Jerry collects felons like a goddamn shit.
19:12
SPEAKER_03: Or Jerry Jones.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: Or how about the University of Miami in the 80s?
19:17
SPEAKER_03: Oh that's a little before my time.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or I think Florida State and Miami.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: I think they both had like some dalliances with the law.
19:26
SPEAKER_06: I think it was Miami because I remember watching uh 30 for 30 on it.
19:30
SPEAKER_06: They had a rivalry with uh Notre Dame and they call it Catholics versus Convicts.
19:36
SPEAKER_06: That's awesome, dude.
19:37
SPEAKER_06: No, it was great.
19:38
SPEAKER_06: One of the best that I they have a lot of good 30 for 30s, that's probably my favorite one.
19:42
SPEAKER_06: It was called I think The U.
19:44
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna have to watch that.
19:45
SPEAKER_03: I love 30 for 30s.
19:46
SPEAKER_03: Phenomenal.
19:47
SPEAKER_03: Always good story too.
19:48
SPEAKER_06: And they had all these superstars that ended up going to the NFL.
19:51
SPEAKER_06: Like, those were the it was right when they started recruiting in Dade County, which is like, dude, how do you not recruit like in your backyard?
19:59
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, absolutely.
20:00
SPEAKER_06: And then they did, and yeah.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's interesting because um Fernando uh Mendoza, the Heisman winner last year, he wanted to go to Miami and they said no.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: And uh I think his mom played tennis at Miami.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: Whoa, yeah, his dad was on the crew, like rowing for I want to say like brown or something like that.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: So his family's athletic.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, but they they lived across the street from Miami.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: He won that was like his dream school, they said no.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh he went to Cal.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: Uh, I think he finished Cal and then he went to Indiana as like a master's program and then obviously did amazing things, but Indiana ends up playing Miami and then they beat Miami.
20:37
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty freaking crazy.
20:39
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that is cool.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, anyways.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: Well, so we're talking about Miami, we're talking about crypto.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: Uh when you buy your Bitcoin, you you buy it legitimately though, right?
20:48
SPEAKER_01: You don't like steal it from people.
20:50
SPEAKER_05: No.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: Well today.
20:54
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, well, hold on.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: No.
20:57
SPEAKER_06: I wouldn't even know how to steal crypto.
20:59
SPEAKER_06: Do you just like go try to hack into someone's like Coinbase and get their address?
21:04
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: That's one way to do it, but uh today we're gonna talk about Malone, Malone Lamb, a 22-year-old that was recently uh who recently pled guilty to stealing crypto.
21:14
SPEAKER_03: Dude, it's been the kids lately.
21:16
SPEAKER_03: We've been talking about the young bucks the last couple episodes.
21:19
SPEAKER_03: 22.
21:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: So this this guy Malone, he's from Singapore, and he was did you hear about this already?
21:26
SPEAKER_06: I think I saw like a post on Instagram.
21:28
SPEAKER_06: It did hit him and his boys had a bunch of Lamborghinis like outside of the house.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
21:33
SPEAKER_06: They got busted.
21:34
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
21:34
SPEAKER_06: So not low profile enough, seems like how they got.
21:37
SPEAKER_06: Rule number two, baby.
21:39
SPEAKER_06: Come on, man.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure he violated rule number one, also.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: Because rule number one is pay your taxes.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: So this is he was investigated by the FBI and the IRS.
21:48
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
21:49
SPEAKER_03: He didn't pay them taxes, rule number one.
21:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: So apparently he is the ringleader of about 18 people.
21:58
SPEAKER_01: This is all alleged, even though he played.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Guilty, they're still pending litigation, so this is all alleged, right?
22:03
SPEAKER_01: But okay, so he's ringleader of like 18 different people.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: Uh, they would hack into people's crypto wallets, and so they would basically, I guess one of the things they'd do is I'd call you and be like, Oh, you have this issue with your crypto wallet.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: They would they would pose as if they were um customer service agents from India and be like, Oh, give us your information.
22:22
SPEAKER_03: Oh, the old fucking Uno reverse.
22:26
SPEAKER_06: I I just imagined like a bunch of Singaporean dudes trying to do an Indian accent.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: Give me the be careful, you're gonna get canceled.
22:40
SPEAKER_06: I'm not great at accents, but that's one of the ones I can try to do, but I'm not even gonna try.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so they they also apparently broke into a couple houses to get information in order to raid the crypto wallets as well.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but one of the worst was I guess they stole something like 4,100 Bitcoin from a person based in Washington, DC, which was valued.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Uh I've heard different estimations, but I'm gonna go a little on the conservative side, which was worth$240 million.
23:15
SPEAKER_07: That's all.
23:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: And so uh they were renting houses in Miami, they were renting houses in Hamptons, renting houses on LA, buying lots of luxury cars, flying PJs.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh, one of the things that I saw that I thought was really interesting is a couple, I don't know.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: This I I can't confirm this, but this is what I saw on Instagram.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh, a couple of girls were like, I met this guy at the club last night and he gave me a Bergen, so that's cool.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: And like Bergen's can start at like$30,000 there.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:43
SPEAKER_03: That's crazy.
23:44
SPEAKER_03: So I I have to also assume they were breaking rule number three.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: Which is clean it.
23:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
23:49
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
23:50
SPEAKER_03: Well launder the right.
23:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: They are they are um charged or he was charged with laundering as well.
23:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
23:58
SPEAKER_03: Hey, look, one out of three, I guess.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: That's my understanding.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: I know that it was it's a felon, it's a federal charge, and he pled in Washington, D.C.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: facing 20 years.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: Uh I think another I think another hearing's coming up in December.
24:11
SPEAKER_01: He recently pled guilty.
24:13
SPEAKER_01: He was, I think, arrested last year, though.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: This took place between 2023 and I believe 2025.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: And um he uh RICO, the RICO statute was um racketeering because he was with a group of people, right?
24:31
SPEAKER_01: Stealing money, wire fraud, all of it.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: What's the rest of it?
24:34
SPEAKER_06: ICO?
24:35
SPEAKER_01: Uh racketeering influencing corruption organization.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: I think I think that's a uh roughly that's what it is.
24:43
SPEAKER_03: I don't remember.
24:44
SPEAKER_03: I used to know.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was actually it was actually created I in 1970 uh under the Nixon administration to combat mafia.
24:53
SPEAKER_01: So then I was thinking it's Rico, right?
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Do you think Puerto Rico is pissed that like half their name is associated with a felony, like a fraudulent, like a federal fraud, federal felony?
25:09
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: But here shouldn't it shouldn't be shouldn't it be Rocco because it was going after Italian mafia?
25:18
SPEAKER_01: Boo the Rocco statue instead of statue.
25:27
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I guess that would make it much more uh derogatory, a lot more targeted, yeah.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it started out as Rocco and they're like, this is too obvious, we gotta, we gotta dial it back.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: Change, change the vowel.
25:43
SPEAKER_06: I've always admired uh mafia crime.
25:46
SPEAKER_06: Oh, really?
25:47
SPEAKER_06: You admire it.
25:47
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
25:48
SPEAKER_06: I'm a big fan of like mob movies and it's intelligent.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: So you're so you're a sympathizer of mafia.
25:55
SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
25:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:56
SPEAKER_03: For 100% certain.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: Why would you be a sympathizer to mafia?
26:00
SPEAKER_03: Because fuck the establishment.
26:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
26:02
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
26:03
SPEAKER_06: Also, uh, I mean, I think the the way they do it is really cool.
26:07
SPEAKER_06: Like the killing people?
26:09
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I mean, when necessary.
26:11
SPEAKER_06: They don't just go out of their way.
26:13
SPEAKER_06: Chopping off a good point.
26:15
SPEAKER_03: They don't just go randomly murdering civilians and shit.
26:18
SPEAKER_03: Like they only kill each other.
26:19
SPEAKER_06: Right.
26:20
SPEAKER_06: They all have a code, even like street gangs, they don't go after, for the most part, civilians.
26:24
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, they go after other, you know.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: They chop off a finger.
26:29
SPEAKER_03: I mean, if you get your finger chopped off by the mafia, you earned it.
26:33
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
26:33
SPEAKER_06: I'll say this.
26:34
SPEAKER_06: There's one time, uh, oh, I guess I'm admitting to truth crimes, say.
26:38
SPEAKER_01: So uh alert, alert.
26:40
SPEAKER_06: No, back when I was like maybe 16, 17 in high school, uh, my buddies would like steal bottles.
26:48
SPEAKER_06: Uh, and I was really bad at it.
26:50
SPEAKER_06: Bottles of what?
26:51
SPEAKER_06: Bottles of alcohol from like a supermarket.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
26:53
SPEAKER_06: And I was really bad at it, but one time they're like, hey, we need you to be a spot.
26:56
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, all right, whatever.
26:57
SPEAKER_06: I just go in there and like my buddy, you know, kind of puts it in his jacket and walks out.
27:03
SPEAKER_06: So we walk out, and one guy like notices, he's hey no, come back.
27:09
SPEAKER_06: And we start running.
27:10
SPEAKER_06: And this is like a grocery store that has a uh a like a parking garage next to it.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: What city are you in?
27:17
SPEAKER_06: Uh Koreatown.
27:18
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
27:19
SPEAKER_06: Uh so you can kind of figure out which one it is.
27:21
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, there's only anyways.
27:24
SPEAKER_06: I don't care.
27:24
SPEAKER_06: It's a fucking Ralph's on the Western Western.
27:27
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, set your limitations.
27:30
SPEAKER_06: But, anyways, we uh we get to the car and uh we we think we're getting away.
27:36
SPEAKER_06: We're like pulling out, and the guy's like in the back's like, stop, and we're like, fuck.
27:40
SPEAKER_06: So whatever.
27:41
SPEAKER_06: We get out the car, and he's like You actually stopped.
27:45
SPEAKER_06: Well, I mean, we're not gonna I'm not gonna run this guy over over a bottle.
27:48
SPEAKER_06: Like, that's crazy.
27:49
SPEAKER_03: Oh, he got in front of the car.
27:50
SPEAKER_03: I just got behind the car.
27:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he was behind the car.
27:54
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was pulling out.
27:55
SPEAKER_03: I had to like pull out, yeah.
27:56
SPEAKER_06: I mean, I wasn't expecting if I was expecting to do this whole thing, I would have parked like in reverse.
28:01
SPEAKER_03: If you would have just rolled very slowly, it would have taken a little while, but you would have safely backed out, he would have got out of the way.
28:08
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but uh, you know, I was like, What I'm not gonna try to kill.
28:16
SPEAKER_03: At a half a mile an hour, he's just gonna move.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, car is a deadly weapon, so yeah, I think that he I think you're smart in this situation because you went from like theft uh to you know, you could have had assault with a deadly weapon and you chose to just stay with your theft or you know, burglary.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:36
SPEAKER_06: So, anyways, we get out and then you know, we we start trying to run.
28:40
SPEAKER_06: He's like, Hey, get the fuck back here on, you know, uh, it was some crypt gang.
28:46
SPEAKER_06: Like, put that shit down right now.
28:47
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, oh wow, like we're getting like you know, like banged on and like also, you know, uh persecuted for this crime we did.
28:58
SPEAKER_06: Like, so they they what are you?
29:00
SPEAKER_06: Are you the crits or the cops?
29:02
SPEAKER_06: Make up your mind.
29:03
SPEAKER_06: Both.
29:04
SPEAKER_06: I mean, they have their morals, you know.
29:06
SPEAKER_06: Like I thought crimes is what we did here.
29:08
SPEAKER_06: Well, I thought so too, but you know, they're like, nah, like this is hey, like I'm representing my gang and I'm on the clock right now.
29:15
SPEAKER_06: So yeah, that's crazy.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: So were they like monitoring that store or something?
29:20
SPEAKER_06: No, like he worked there.
29:22
SPEAKER_06: Oh, he was like uh, I think he might have been, he wasn't a security guard, I think he was like a a bad guy, double agent, yeah.
29:30
SPEAKER_06: You said it was a Ralph's, right?
29:31
SPEAKER_06: It was yeah, it was a Ralph's.
29:33
SPEAKER_06: That's interesting.
29:34
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and now I mean this is like 20 years later, but a gangbanger with a moral compass.
29:41
SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
29:42
SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
29:43
SPEAKER_03: A lot of them all bad people, yeah, yeah, you know.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying, like, uh if you hurt somebody, that's not good, you know.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's bad.
29:53
SPEAKER_03: I mean, if they deserve it.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: One time I was in a sketchy part of Long Beach, and my friend and I were going to a white trash party.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, and uh, so it was funny because these girls were walking past my friend's car and they were all wearing red.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: And my friend grew up in Irvine, and she's like, Oh my god, it looks like they're going to a party.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: They must be going to like something like red themed.
30:16
SPEAKER_03: And I was like, um, yeah, it's called the Bloods.
30:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's definitely red themed.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: It's called uh We Need to Turn Left and Get Out of Here.
30:28
SPEAKER_03: Typical white girl response.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh my friend is Korean, so uh we're not, it wasn't just a white girl party.
30:36
SPEAKER_04: That's funny.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: It was actually interesting.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: It was uh Orange County DA, like district attorneys with public defenders, they were having a party and the party theme was white trash.
30:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm outside the statute of limitations on this party too.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: This is over 10 years ago.
30:50
SPEAKER_06: So hey, sometimes they have like the best parties.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it might actually be 20 years ago now that I'm thinking, God, sometimes it's weird.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: It sneaks up on you when you're like, it was just five years.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: Oh shoot, it was 20 years ago.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: That's when it's dude.
31:01
SPEAKER_03: My fucking my aunt has worked for the sheriff's department my whole life.
31:08
SPEAKER_03: And uh when I was like 15, 16-ish, she uh married uh a guy and he was a deputy.
31:18
SPEAKER_03: And they would have parties, like the sheriff of our town would be downstairs in their kitchen drinking beer.
31:26
SPEAKER_03: We'd be upstairs selling coke.
31:28
SPEAKER_03: I swear to God, we would come downstairs fucking coked up, smoking weed, and fucking like 18 fucking cops or sheriffs or whatever, just partying throughout the house like a condo.
31:40
SPEAKER_03: So the bedrooms were upstairs and it was like living room kitchen downstairs, and they would be it would just be full of police, and we'd walk right past them, fucking eight ball in our pocket, about to go serve somebody on the side of the street, dude.
31:53
SPEAKER_03: And they fucking never noticed, bro.
31:56
SPEAKER_03: They're off duty, yeah.
31:59
SPEAKER_06: Some of them might have been buying from you, yeah.
32:01
SPEAKER_03: Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, yeah.
32:04
SPEAKER_03: He uh so his name's Andrew, and when I got locked up, he came to see me in the the the housing area, and I was like, hey dog, like we're cool, but like you can't do this.
32:20
SPEAKER_03: You finna get me beat the fuck up, and he's not finna see me talking to the police for nothing.
32:27
SPEAKER_03: Like, we're cool.
32:28
SPEAKER_03: He came in uniform, yeah.
32:30
SPEAKER_03: Uh he came at work, bro.
32:32
SPEAKER_03: He was on the clock and he came in the pod like to see me.
32:35
SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Look, bro, I know you're the maintenance guy.
32:41
SPEAKER_03: Tell Angeny I love her, but you gotta go, bro.
32:45
SPEAKER_06: So he couldn't just take your badge off his backs, dog.
32:48
SPEAKER_03: Like, damn, put a jumper on before you come up in here.
32:55
SPEAKER_03: Oh man, think he took up that morning.
32:57
SPEAKER_06: He woke up that morning.
32:58
SPEAKER_06: I want to get this guy jumped today.
33:00
SPEAKER_03: Oh, hell yeah.
33:01
SPEAKER_03: He's alright, he's a cool dude.
33:03
SPEAKER_03: Um, since he retired.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: Hell yeah.
33:06
SPEAKER_03: He's got a backyard full of weed now.
33:08
SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh it's legal there.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's in Virginia.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
33:12
SPEAKER_03: Allegedly.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, one one thing that was funny about the White Trash party, just which I just remembered, uh, when we were trying to find it, we're like, is it this house?
33:23
SPEAKER_01: Is it this house?
33:23
SPEAKER_01: And there's this like scary-looking white dude in the front yard, right?
33:28
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh, I swear to God, I was like, oh, I'm like, I think this is the party.
33:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, is this guy?
33:33
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he's like white trash.
33:35
SPEAKER_03: And my you should write that down.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: And my quality and my friend goes, No, I think he actually is white trash.
33:43
SPEAKER_03: I don't think this is like a definitely write that deal.
33:47
SPEAKER_03: This is not a comedy dude.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: This is his life, this isn't the theme party.
33:52
SPEAKER_03: That's fucking fun.
33:54
SPEAKER_06: What are you gonna ask him?
33:54
SPEAKER_03: Hey, are you here for the white trash party or are you just white trash?
33:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, crazy that she couldn't recognize bloods, but she could recognize white trash.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: True, true, true.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, so one thing, one thing, real quick, going back to Malone Lamb question.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: Are you more shocked that he was able to get away with a$245 million crypto theft ring or that he's 22 and he's going to clubs drinking?
34:19
SPEAKER_01: Because I thought the 22-year-olds weren't going to clubs anymore.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
34:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
34:23
SPEAKER_06: So I think they are going to clubs.
34:25
SPEAKER_06: I'll tell you at least my personal experience.
34:27
SPEAKER_06: Um, about a year ago, I had like my one-year anniversary, wedding anniversary, and went to Vegas, and we're like, oh, we're here, might as well go to a little pool party, a cool DJ explain.
34:37
SPEAKER_06: And uh, you know, when I used to go to pool parties in Vegas, you'd be in line and people are like throwing up, they're stumbling, like half of them can't get in because horror stories are too hard.
34:48
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
34:48
SPEAKER_06: Everyone is completely fine in line.
34:50
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like complete composure, you know, standing up straight, like they might be chilling, but everyone was fine.
34:57
SPEAKER_06: You get in, people aren't really dancing.
34:59
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, oh, they're not really drinking like that.
35:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's crazy.
35:01
SPEAKER_06: So I am surprised, more surprised that they're drinking and partying at the club because like they're going, but yeah, yeah, they're not.
35:09
SPEAKER_06: I don't think they're getting a full experience.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I think Vegas, I've heard Vegas is on the dying end because also the the resorts are getting greedy with like the resort fees.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: And then on top of that, no one's gambling, and then the club service, like no one wants to do bottle service because it's so expensive, and not people are sober, so they're not drinking.
35:29
SPEAKER_03: I go to Vegas and walk around.
35:31
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I'm not really a drinker, but I do since like if you fucking put a couple dollars in a slot machine, drinks are free.
35:39
SPEAKER_03: I'll I'll drink like fucking vodka rebels all day.
35:42
SPEAKER_06: Dude, even that's slowing down.
35:44
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like there used to be a lot more waitresses that were like passing out free drinks.
35:49
SPEAKER_06: Now you gotta wait for a while.
35:51
SPEAKER_06: Like before you sit down, immediately, hey, you want a drink?
35:54
SPEAKER_06: Okay, now you gotta wait like five, ten minutes.
35:56
SPEAKER_06: Sometimes you gotta fly like, hey yo, I've been at the slot machine for 20 minutes.
36:00
SPEAKER_06: Can I get a drink, please?
36:01
SPEAKER_06: Like, come on.
36:02
SPEAKER_06: I haven't been in a couple years.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I always like I don't know, like the cocktail waitresses are in some respects like heroes.
36:10
SPEAKER_01: Cause I mean, think about they're wearing basically nothing.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're walking around, they're having to deal with like slobbering drunks, and they have to deal with these people that are like maybe at the highest of highs and happy that they're winning or lowest of lows, knowing that they just threw their whole life away.
36:23
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's gotta be a real they must see some crazy stuff, you know.
36:28
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, especially because I feel like when you hit most people hit the slots, it's kind of their last resort.
36:33
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like man, I just lost like hundreds or thousands on the tables.
36:36
SPEAKER_06: Like, let me just play my last 50 bucks on the slot and get some few drinks, which is crazy because like that's the first thing I do.
36:43
SPEAKER_03: Oh, we're gonna be like, I go get it out of the way, bro.
36:46
SPEAKER_03: I'll go put a hundred bucks in there.
36:48
SPEAKER_03: The last time that we went, I put a hundred bucks in the slot machine the first day I was there and won like fifteen hundred dollars.
36:54
SPEAKER_06: Oh, that's sick.
36:55
SPEAKER_03: Hell yeah, paid for the whole fucking trip.
36:57
SPEAKER_03: That sounds nice.
36:58
SPEAKER_03: Uh so I'll I'll go get that out of the way first because most of the time we're just walking around looking at shit, fucking eating food.
37:05
SPEAKER_03: It's a great way to kill time.
37:06
SPEAKER_06: Like, you know, if your girl goes to the bathroom, you know, you gotta wait a little bit.
37:11
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, all right.
37:12
SPEAKER_01: Well, actually in the bathroom that long.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: Geez, do you get lost on the way there?
37:16
SPEAKER_03: Yes, I don't know.
37:18
SPEAKER_03: I play poker, so I'll sit at the table sometimes, but like for the most part, I just fucking walk around and look at shit.
37:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I like poker too.
37:26
SPEAKER_03: Do dumb shit, like go put my face on MMs.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, that's that is dumb shit.
37:32
SPEAKER_03: You can you can do it, bro.
37:34
SPEAKER_03: I'm saying it's a felony in Vegas.
37:39
SPEAKER_03: Put your face in the MM's.
37:41
SPEAKER_03: Nah, they have a store.
37:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they print the fucking your face on.
37:46
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
37:47
SPEAKER_03: I meant like there was like a giant MMO.
37:50
SPEAKER_03: No, like they think they take a picture of you, bro.
37:52
SPEAKER_03: And like you know how there's the M on the candy on the flip side, it'll be your fucking face, dog.
37:57
SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's that's fucking crazy, dude.
37:59
SPEAKER_01: Speaking of what you're speaking of, and also this is crime related.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: Anytime in my office they have like unwrapped candy and it's like in a container, I am just absolutely horrified because people will like just like put their hand in and scoop stuff out, and I'm just like, ew, what are you doing?
38:16
SPEAKER_01: Like that's well, when you see the person's nails are like thick with like black set, you're like, well, maybe I don't want those M and Ms anymore.
38:25
SPEAKER_07: Well, yeah, you do.
38:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I I'm I don't want to eat that, like I'm not trying to eat peanut butter pretzels at the office, anyways, but like no, if it's like unwrapped and people are like sco like no, no, thank you.
38:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm not big on there.
38:41
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, or something.
38:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm not big on buffets for that reason.
38:44
SPEAKER_01: Right.
38:45
SPEAKER_03: But how many like sneezes?
38:48
SPEAKER_03: Let's say there's a hundred people in that restaurant.
38:52
SPEAKER_03: How many of them wash their hands before coming in there?
38:55
SPEAKER_06: Well, I know you didn't, so oh, I like a good buffet, but I don't know.
39:00
SPEAKER_06: Sometimes the buffet has so much variety that they're not good at one thing.
39:04
SPEAKER_06: Right.
39:05
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
39:06
SPEAKER_03: That too.
39:07
SPEAKER_03: That's uh that's a lot of the buffets in Vegas.
39:09
SPEAKER_03: There's like 90 different fucking things in the place, and like maybe one thing is good.
39:15
SPEAKER_03: True.
39:16
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: So what what is your uh question for us today?
39:19
SPEAKER_03: Uh what do you mean?
39:22
SPEAKER_03: That was the end of your story?
39:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's facing 20 years in prison.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: And he's shit.
39:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
39:30
SPEAKER_01: 20 years.
39:30
SPEAKER_06: You think he's gonna get 20?
39:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, uh he might snitch on other people, but he's also at the top of the pyramid scheme.
39:36
SPEAKER_01: So I don't know how that works when you're at the top of the pyramid scheme.
39:40
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, do you think they have a code like see that's another thing that I appreciate about the mob is they have a code like you don't fucking snitch.
39:47
SPEAKER_06: And some of them do snitch, but like for the most part, they don't.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, my question more is is he going to get extradited back to Singapore?
39:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and then does he want to get extradited to Singapore?
39:58
SPEAKER_01: Because I would think that the prison in Singapore is gonna be a lot worse than the prison in America.
40:02
SPEAKER_03: Do you know a lot about Singapore?
40:04
SPEAKER_01: I only know a couple things, and the one thing, and these are this is gonna predate your guys' life, okay?
40:10
SPEAKER_01: But in the 80s, there was a guy who I think he likes was alleged to have spit on the street or something in Singapore, and they caned him.
40:18
SPEAKER_01: Like the police came out and took canes and beat the shit out of him.
40:22
SPEAKER_01: Whoa, yeah, it was like 80s.
40:24
SPEAKER_01: It was like the eight or late 80s, I want to say, yeah, they caned him.
40:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't remember the person's name, but yeah, it was because Singapore takes crime very seriously.
40:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, yeah.
40:33
SPEAKER_03: Do you know anything about present-day Singapore?
40:36
SPEAKER_01: I know it's a very wealthy island nation.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: That's or very poor and very wealthy at the same time.
40:42
SPEAKER_03: We are like hundreds of years ahead of everyone.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: Right.
40:46
SPEAKER_03: It's fucking crazy.
40:47
SPEAKER_01: I've heard that too, yeah.
40:48
SPEAKER_03: I was at, I think it was like an aquarium or or something.
40:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you've been to Singapore?
40:53
SPEAKER_03: No.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
40:54
SPEAKER_03: No, fuck no.
40:55
SPEAKER_03: Uh, but they were doing like uh an IMAX movie thing, uh-huh.
40:59
SPEAKER_03: And uh it was about Singapore.
41:02
SPEAKER_03: Okay, and so it it uh I had no idea.
41:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I had no idea they were that fucking advanced.
41:09
SPEAKER_01: What do you know about Singapore?
41:11
SPEAKER_06: Um I learned a lot from watching Crazy Rich Agents.
41:15
SPEAKER_01: That's where I learned a lot too.
41:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, such a good movie.
41:18
SPEAKER_03: That's the fucking I've never seen that movie, and that's the slot machine on one fifteen hundred bucks on the show.
41:23
SPEAKER_03: Really?
41:24
SPEAKER_03: Yes, really called Crazy Rich Agents though.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: It's actually a good book, too.
41:29
SPEAKER_01: I read the book and then what I watched the movie actually first and read the book, but yeah.
41:34
SPEAKER_06: Nice.
41:34
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, no, I I love the movie, but I don't know a ton about Singapore, but I do know they they strive to be extremely clean.
41:42
SPEAKER_06: Yes, and I know they make alcohol very expensive on purpose so that you can't get chip face there.
41:49
SPEAKER_06: Um other than that, I mean I d I don't know if a prison there is better.
41:54
SPEAKER_06: I mean prison here sucks, but I heard prison here is a lot better if you're rich.
41:59
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
42:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, he would be in federal prison, so I think that would be a difference, right?
42:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, for sure.
42:05
SPEAKER_03: I've heard that uh federal is way better than the state, even at like the higher security levels.
42:12
SPEAKER_01: The only other thing I know about Singapore is there's a fame I think it's a a gin, it's either gin or rum.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember, but sing a Singapore slinger, it's a it's a cocktail.
42:22
SPEAKER_03: That also sounds like it would be a sick ass weed strain.
42:25
SPEAKER_01: Let me see.
42:26
SPEAKER_03: Smoking that Singapore slinger.
42:29
SPEAKER_03: Dude, they take weed in uh Asia very seriously.
42:32
SPEAKER_03: They do, bro, which is crazy because it's like the land of herbal medicine.
42:37
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you would think.
42:39
SPEAKER_06: But um, I remember going, I was going from Thailand and then I was coming back home, but I had a like a layover in uh Taiwan, and they're like there was a big warning on the calendar of the airport, like, hey, warning, if you have any weed, get rid of it right now.
42:57
SPEAKER_06: Because if you have any sort of weed on you, there's a minimum, I think, six-month like prison sentence.
43:04
SPEAKER_06: God, if you have any sort of weed on you, like once you get to uh Taiwan.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: Going back so going Taiwan and going back to movies, um Bridget don't Bridget Jones Diaries 2.
43:19
SPEAKER_01: She goes, I think she was to Thailand and her friend meets this young guy on vacation, and then he's like, Oh, hey, hold this for me, will you?
43:26
SPEAKER_01: While they're going through the airport.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: And then the friend's like, sure.
43:29
SPEAKER_01: And then she's like, Bridge, hold this for me.
43:30
SPEAKER_01: And then so they go through TSA or whatever, pre-check or you know, the security.
43:35
SPEAKER_01: And then Bridget goes through and they flag her as having like cocaine or something like that.
43:41
SPEAKER_01: And so she goes to a Singapore, or no, sorry, she goes to a Tai Taiwanese Thailand.
43:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, Asian jail.
43:48
SPEAKER_01: It was really looked really bad.
43:50
SPEAKER_01: And then that's the part of the it's a pretty funny movie, and then how she gets out and all that.
43:54
SPEAKER_06: So but probably Taiwanese because like in Thailand they're very open, they like weed, but like they sell it.
44:00
SPEAKER_06: On the street, you don't need a wrap or anything.
44:02
SPEAKER_06: Well, they don't sell it on the street, but they have like you know weed shops there.
44:05
SPEAKER_06: It's very much like I think it was Thailand.
44:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it was those shoes in Thailand, like because they were in islands and all that sort of thing.
44:10
SPEAKER_01: So that's fucking awesome.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: But did you have us did you have a question for us from the last couple minutes?
44:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay, all right.
44:16
SPEAKER_03: I have a couple.
44:16
SPEAKER_03: Uh have you ever been to jail?
44:19
SPEAKER_03: No, no, not one time.
44:21
SPEAKER_03: You look like you've had a night for at least a DUI or something.
44:24
SPEAKER_03: Jeez.
44:26
SPEAKER_03: No, thank god.
44:27
SPEAKER_03: Nah, I I haven't.
44:29
SPEAKER_03: All right.
44:30
SPEAKER_03: Do you think you would make it in jail?
44:33
SPEAKER_03: Uh like county?
44:35
SPEAKER_03: Uh prison.
44:36
SPEAKER_03: Let's say you had to do a couple years in state.
44:38
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
44:39
SPEAKER_03: Do you think you would survive?
44:42
SPEAKER_06: I think I'd adapt, yeah.
44:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you seem like a pretty intelligent guy.
44:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
44:46
SPEAKER_03: So what's gonna happen is I'm gonna ask five questions.
44:50
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
44:50
SPEAKER_03: And then at the end, I will give you and uh JJ a prison survival rating.
44:56
SPEAKER_03: So far, JJ's been shanked a lot.
44:59
SPEAKER_03: Whoa.
45:00
SPEAKER_03: She's been stabbed quite a bit.
45:01
SPEAKER_03: Oh wow.
45:04
SPEAKER_03: Have you been shanked?
45:06
SPEAKER_03: He's the one asking the questions.
45:08
SPEAKER_03: No, I know.
45:10
SPEAKER_03: I'm the warden around these parts.
45:14
SPEAKER_03: Uh no, I haven't uh been shanked.
45:18
SPEAKER_03: I've been shot.
45:19
SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
45:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
45:20
SPEAKER_03: I have a bullet hole in my leg, but I I haven't been shanked or stabbed ever.
45:24
SPEAKER_03: Thank God.
45:25
SPEAKER_03: I feel like that would hurt worse.
45:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I feel like it would too.
45:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
45:29
SPEAKER_03: All right.
45:30
SPEAKER_03: Are you ready?
45:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
45:31
SPEAKER_03: To find out whether or not you're gonna get shanked.
45:33
SPEAKER_03: Sure.
45:34
SPEAKER_03: There's three tiers.
45:35
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
45:36
SPEAKER_03: You're gonna get shanked.
45:37
SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
45:38
SPEAKER_03: You're not gonna get shanked, but you're still gonna have a hard time.
45:42
SPEAKER_03: You'll be fine.
45:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
45:43
SPEAKER_03: So we'll we'll see where you end up on the old rating scale there.
45:47
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
45:48
SPEAKER_03: Alright.
45:48
SPEAKER_03: First question.
45:50
SPEAKER_03: You walk past someone's cell and notice an illegal card game going on.
45:56
SPEAKER_03: What did you see?
45:57
SPEAKER_06: Nothing.
45:58
SPEAKER_03: Nothing.
46:00
SPEAKER_03: That's a good fucking answer.
46:03
SPEAKER_03: I know I was supposed to let you answer, but that was just top fucking.
46:07
SPEAKER_03: I would have said the same thing.
46:08
SPEAKER_03: 100%.
46:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you would have said nothing.
46:10
SPEAKER_03: So you you guys both get a point.
46:11
SPEAKER_03: I'll give you a point.
46:12
SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
46:12
SPEAKER_06: So do we she goes first and then me?
46:15
SPEAKER_03: Uh no, I normally don't react until both of the uh you guys answer, but that was.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: He's a little excited on that one.
46:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that was such a good answer.
46:23
SPEAKER_03: Nice.
46:24
SPEAKER_03: That was that was, yeah.
46:25
SPEAKER_03: You you might not get shanked just for that.
46:28
SPEAKER_03: Oh, cool, okay.
46:30
SPEAKER_03: All right.
46:31
SPEAKER_03: You guys ready for number two?
46:32
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
46:33
SPEAKER_03: Uh you notice two people putting their shoes on.
46:37
SPEAKER_03: What is likely about to happen?
46:42
SPEAKER_01: Uh they're in their cell.
46:44
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: And they're gonna put their shoes on.
46:46
SPEAKER_03: And they're putting their shoes on.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: They probably know that someone's about to get shanked and they are ready to go outside and enjoy the sun sunlight outside.
46:59
SPEAKER_06: They know something's gonna happen.
47:02
SPEAKER_06: They don't know what it is, but they're they're gonna be ready to run.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: So that's similar, similar.
47:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
47:10
SPEAKER_03: The the answer I was looking for was they're about to fight.
47:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
47:13
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
47:14
SPEAKER_03: You you put your shoes on as a symbol like I'm ready to fucking like if you want it, come get it, or I'm coming to you.
47:24
SPEAKER_03: So be prepared.
47:26
SPEAKER_03: Uh but I like where your guys' brains were with that, because you should be prepared if you feel like something is about to happen.
47:33
SPEAKER_03: So I give you a half a point.
47:34
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
47:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
47:35
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, one and a half.
47:36
SPEAKER_01: Is that reasonable?
47:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
47:37
SPEAKER_03: Solid.
47:38
SPEAKER_03: Alright.
47:39
SPEAKER_03: Let's see.
47:41
SPEAKER_03: Can you tell me what SOS is?
47:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, save our ship.
47:48
SPEAKER_03: Is that what SOS really stands for?
47:51
SPEAKER_01: I I think so.
47:52
SPEAKER_06: That's crazy.
47:53
SPEAKER_06: So I know SOS is two things.
47:55
SPEAKER_06: SOS is like, oh, emergency.
47:57
SPEAKER_06: But then I also know SOS is like same old shit because football it's like, oh, we're gonna run the ball again.
48:02
SPEAKER_06: SOS.
48:03
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
48:05
SPEAKER_06: So I'm in in the present context, I would go state of emergency.
48:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so the correct answer is save save our ships.
48:13
SPEAKER_01: I just looked it up.
48:14
SPEAKER_03: The correct answer is uh it stands for shit on a shingle.
48:18
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I've heard that term breakfast.
48:19
SPEAKER_03: And it's a breakfast item.
48:21
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
48:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, okay.
48:23
SPEAKER_03: It's like everything.
48:24
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's kind of well, no, it's kind of like it's kind of it's it's not sausage gravy, but it like vaguely reminds you of sausage gravy and they serve it over potatoes.
48:35
SPEAKER_03: It's actually not bad, to be honest.
48:38
SPEAKER_03: It was that was one of my fucking favorite things that they would serve when I was in the county, because it was edible.
48:45
SPEAKER_03: Everything else for the most part was shit.
48:47
SPEAKER_03: Like when you're inside, bro, you're looking forward to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, just something that's real.
48:54
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
48:55
SPEAKER_03: Not something that's a fucking ball of soy that they're calling meatloaf, or you know what I mean?
49:00
SPEAKER_03: Fucking PBJ's, uh fresh fruit, shit like that.
49:04
SPEAKER_03: That's that's basically all you had to look forward to.
49:08
SPEAKER_03: Uh so you get no points for that.
49:12
SPEAKER_03: No points.
49:13
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was act actually accurate, but I'm not prison accurate, so that's fine.
49:17
SPEAKER_03: That's a good point.
49:18
SPEAKER_03: But you still get no points.
49:22
SPEAKER_03: Uh so one and a half out of three so far.
49:25
SPEAKER_03: You still have two questions to at least not get shanked.
49:29
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
49:30
SPEAKER_03: At least not get shanked.
49:32
SPEAKER_03: Do either of you know what a spread is.
49:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, again, I would go to like a spread for food.
49:40
SPEAKER_01: Like you have a like a spread of like what's available for food, but um, but I think that a spread is also spread your cheeks because we're in.
49:52
SPEAKER_01: And you gotta cough to see if you got any drugs up your poop hole.
49:57
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna assume it's a search and it's short for like spread your cheeks and left your sack.
50:02
SPEAKER_06: Uh all right.
50:03
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna give no.
50:07
SPEAKER_03: I'll I'll give you a quarter of a point.
50:11
SPEAKER_03: Listen, prison is hard, okay?
50:14
SPEAKER_03: There's no handouts.
50:17
SPEAKER_03: Uh so a spread, uh, also known as a swole, is uh basically when you take ramen noodles and you crush them up and you mix them with Cheetos and you put the seasoning pack in there, and then you put in the county we had to use warm-ish water because that was we never got hot water.
50:37
SPEAKER_03: But uh upstate you can microwave water.
50:41
SPEAKER_03: Uh so you pour the water in there, wrap it up in a towel, and let it sit.
50:46
SPEAKER_03: And then when it's ready, after about 30 minutes or so, you spread it out and then put toppings on it like a pizza.
50:53
SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
50:54
SPEAKER_03: I'll make you one.
50:55
SPEAKER_03: Nice, yeah.
50:56
SPEAKER_03: I guarantee I would bet my life on it that you would find it delicious.
51:00
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
51:01
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
51:02
SPEAKER_03: I I'll make one.
51:03
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I'm I'm at one and three quarters.
51:06
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
51:06
SPEAKER_01: And he's at one and a half.
51:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
51:08
SPEAKER_03: You've got one more chance.
51:11
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
51:11
SPEAKER_03: All right.
51:12
SPEAKER_03: Uh to not get shanked.
51:16
SPEAKER_03: You're you're at one and a half.
51:18
SPEAKER_03: Two is the threshold to not get shanked.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm so pleased.
51:21
SPEAKER_03: You only need a half a point uh to make it out of the shower with the case.
51:26
SPEAKER_03: These rules are just made up as well, so it's okay.
51:28
SPEAKER_03: What'd you say?
51:29
SPEAKER_03: I said the rules are just made up as well.
51:31
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, you know, that that's essentially prison in a nutshell.
51:34
SPEAKER_03: The rules are just made up as needed.
51:40
SPEAKER_03: All right.
51:41
SPEAKER_03: Uh let me see.
51:43
SPEAKER_03: Let me let me try and give you an easy one.
51:46
SPEAKER_03: So at least you don't get stabbed.
51:48
SPEAKER_03: Uh all right.
51:50
SPEAKER_03: You're walking back to your housing unit from the chow hall.
51:53
SPEAKER_03: Right?
51:54
SPEAKER_03: Behind you, you hear yo, followed by a whistle.
51:59
SPEAKER_03: What do you do?
52:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna stop.
52:08
SPEAKER_01: I hear, okay, I hear wait, oh, who's you're walking back?
52:11
SPEAKER_01: Who's who who did the whistle?
52:13
SPEAKER_01: Your friend?
52:14
SPEAKER_03: No, no, it's a CEO.
52:15
SPEAKER_03: Like they have whistles.
52:16
SPEAKER_03: So they you hear a CEO go, yo, and then blow a whistle.
52:20
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'd probably stop and put my hands up against the wall.
52:24
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I would stop turning around and just see what's up.
52:29
SPEAKER_03: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but both of y'all are getting ashamed.
52:34
SPEAKER_03: The answer is keep fucking walking.
52:36
SPEAKER_03: He didn't call your name.
52:38
SPEAKER_00: Well, he didn't call anybody's name.
52:39
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
52:40
SPEAKER_03: He wasn't talking to me.
52:41
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
52:42
SPEAKER_03: Damn right.
52:43
SPEAKER_03: Or even if he was, he could fucking call my name.
52:46
SPEAKER_01: All right.
52:47
SPEAKER_03: Yep.
52:47
SPEAKER_01: Say my name, say my name.
52:50
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
52:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
52:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
52:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
52:52
SPEAKER_03: No one is around you.
52:53
SPEAKER_03: Say, baby, I love you.
52:54
SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
52:57
SPEAKER_03: Well, we just got Shane.
53:01
SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
53:06
SPEAKER_03: Dude, man, you don't do crimes.
53:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's that's kind of yeah.
53:14
SPEAKER_01: The only crime I'm doing is here on no one gets hurt pod.
53:18
SPEAKER_01: Because I don't want to get hurt.
53:20
SPEAKER_03: Hey, this is a victimless crime.
53:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:23
SPEAKER_01: Anyways.
53:24
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's been a fun time having you here today.
53:26
SPEAKER_01: You have any other any other uh crimes you want to confess to, or what you want to do you want to confess to any shows coming up?
53:32
SPEAKER_06: Oh, okay.
53:33
SPEAKER_06: Uh do I have a show on confess to come up?
53:36
SPEAKER_06: First, I'll tell you about the little scam.
53:38
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
53:38
SPEAKER_06: Not so not necessarily a crime, but um, here's what I do to keep my insurance rates low.
53:44
SPEAKER_06: Oh, allegedly.
53:45
SPEAKER_06: Allegedly.
53:46
SPEAKER_06: Um, so first off, time out this is not legal advice.
53:50
SPEAKER_01: Go on.
53:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
53:51
SPEAKER_06: This is absolutely not legal or financial advice.
53:54
SPEAKER_06: Um I I end up, you know, sometimes I drive a lot, miles, but uh when you're getting like an insurance, like a car insurance estimate, they're like, how many miles do you drive a year?
54:05
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, I don't know, two, three thousand.
54:07
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I don't drive a lot.
54:09
SPEAKER_06: Um, but then sometimes you go to uh like like the car dealership and get an oil change, and they for whatever reason have to report the mileage to the DMV.
54:21
SPEAKER_06: I did not know that.
54:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it's good.
54:23
SPEAKER_06: So I noticed my insurance went up and I called them.
54:25
SPEAKER_06: I was like, yo, why did my insurance go up?
54:27
SPEAKER_06: They're like, Oh, like we noticed you drove a lot more than your estimate.
54:31
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, how do you know that?
54:32
SPEAKER_06: They're like, oh, like it got reported to the DMV.
54:35
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, how?
54:36
SPEAKER_06: And I'm like, oh, I went to get a oil change.
54:41
SPEAKER_06: So I went back to your side, I was like, yo, can you like not report it to the DMV?
54:45
SPEAKER_06: They're like no, we have to.
54:46
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, all right, well, I'm not coming here anymore.
54:48
SPEAKER_06: And then I go to other people who do not care to do that, and even if I have to pay a little bit more, that's fine because I'm not my insurance.
54:58
SPEAKER_06: Rather pay them than pay the insurance.
54:59
SPEAKER_06: That's right.
55:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
55:01
SPEAKER_01: Or or learn how to do your own oil, you know.
55:03
SPEAKER_06: That too, yeah, which I can, but it's like uh I don't have a garage.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: I have a oh sorry, I was gonna I have a cousin who can change oil, change brakes, all the things.
55:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm so intrigued that he knows how to do all that stuff.
55:16
SPEAKER_01: It's so rad.
55:17
SPEAKER_01: I can't, I would never trust myself to do my own brakes, but that's really cool that he can do that.
55:21
SPEAKER_01: But what were you gonna say?
55:22
SPEAKER_03: I can do all that shit.
55:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, uh, but there's you can't put a price on convenience.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: True.
55:27
SPEAKER_03: If I don't have to, yeah, I'm not fucking gonna do well.
55:32
SPEAKER_06: You need space, you need like the tools and you need the space to do it, right?
55:36
SPEAKER_06: Like, yeah, yeah, which is a good point.
55:38
SPEAKER_01: What's uh that's an allegedly good tip that we don't condone here.
55:44
SPEAKER_03: Keep your insurance prices low.
55:46
SPEAKER_01: We don't condone, and we say, you know, some of us are here say pay the insurance, right, Tony?
55:51
SPEAKER_03: Fuck the insurance.
55:52
SPEAKER_03: I just got a ticket this morning for not having insurance.
55:56
SPEAKER_03: Oh god, on the way here.
55:58
SPEAKER_03: I thought I was gonna get towed.
55:59
SPEAKER_03: I didn't think I was gonna make it.
56:01
SPEAKER_06: Oh man, wait, are you profiled?
56:03
SPEAKER_06: Because you're you can't get profiled anymore.
56:04
SPEAKER_03: Fuck no, for having expired tags for looking at it.
56:07
SPEAKER_03: I smashed past CHP, like 80 miles an hour in the HOV by myself, no insurance, bad registration.
56:15
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you're riding dirty dirty.
56:17
SPEAKER_03: I was tripping, you know what I mean?
56:19
SPEAKER_03: Like as a felon, I should know one crime at a time.
56:23
SPEAKER_03: I should have been doing the speed limit in the right lane.
56:26
SPEAKER_03: I would have stayed behind the cop all the time, but instead.
56:31
SPEAKER_01: I I think that's the thumbnail for this episode, one crime at a time.
56:37
SPEAKER_03: That's a that's a good fucking uh that's a good way to live your life.
56:42
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're talking about all day.
56:45
SPEAKER_01: Rico, Rocco, one crime at a time.
56:49
SPEAKER_03: I got a fix-it ticket for my registration, uh and I got like a full-blown ticket for not having insurance, but he could have impounded my shit for 30 days.
56:58
SPEAKER_03: So hell yeah, shout out to that guy.
57:00
SPEAKER_01: So a few years ago, I had moved down to San Diego and I had just gotten like a registration change, whatever, and I like misplaced it.
57:10
SPEAKER_01: So out of out of mine, out of you know, out of sight, out of mine.
57:13
SPEAKER_01: And I got and pulled over and they're like license and registration.
57:18
SPEAKER_01: And then she asked me for my insurance.
57:20
SPEAKER_01: And luckily, I had updated for whatever reason, I had updated my insurance app like the day before.
57:25
SPEAKER_01: And when I pulled it up on my phone, I noticed it was like two days late.
57:30
SPEAKER_01: So I hit, I go boop, I'm like pay.
57:34
SPEAKER_01: And then I showed it to her.
57:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, like I almost died.
57:39
SPEAKER_03: So my it was either my Which is crazy because you have a grace period, you would have been fine.
57:43
SPEAKER_01: I know, but like I mean, I'm a panic warrior, you know.
57:48
SPEAKER_01: But no, no, so it was like I think it was either it was either my registration or my license.
57:52
SPEAKER_01: One of the two was like right outside of that window.
57:54
SPEAKER_01: And I was so embarrassed, I was like, oh my gosh, I j like I moved two months ago, and like, and I remember getting the paper and I must have put it whatever.
58:02
SPEAKER_01: And I I you know, she she gave me, I think, a warning on one thing and I'm ticking on another thing, so yeah, but whatever.
58:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
58:10
SPEAKER_01: Anyways, enough about my crimes here.
58:13
SPEAKER_03: I uh I hope that both sides of that cop's pillow is always cool, yeah, and that his donuts and coffee are always free.
58:21
SPEAKER_01: Look at this, Tonyo singing the praises of coppers.
58:25
SPEAKER_01: Love it.
58:26
SPEAKER_03: Listen, they're not all bad.
58:29
SPEAKER_03: I I will be the first one to say fuck them.
58:32
SPEAKER_03: But they're not.
58:34
SPEAKER_03: I've met a few good, decent police officers, especially from CHP, because they've pulled me over quite a few times and I'm still driving that bitch.
58:45
SPEAKER_03: You feel me?
58:46
SPEAKER_06: Like some of them let you sell coke in their condos.
58:52
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
58:53
SPEAKER_03: That's right.
58:56
SPEAKER_03: And some yeah, shout out to my aunt too.
58:58
SPEAKER_03: I love you, Aunt Jenny.
58:59
SPEAKER_01: And some retire to sell weed in their backyard.
59:02
SPEAKER_03: No, he's not selling it.
59:04
SPEAKER_03: That's illegal.
59:04
SPEAKER_03: Listen, rubbing, probably.
59:07
SPEAKER_06: And some of them get invited to uh white trash parties with DAs.
59:13
SPEAKER_03: Yes, dude, we've had a great fucking time today.
59:15
SPEAKER_03: Yes, so yeah, thank you.
59:17
SPEAKER_03: We really appreciate you coming out.
59:19
SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
59:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, where can we catch you at?
59:21
SPEAKER_01: What uh what's your Instagram handle?
59:23
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah, it's at Lucas underscore sistro.
59:26
SPEAKER_06: Uh, I'm about to announce the one-year anniversary of the show I put on in Long Beach.
59:30
SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah, Underground Comedy.
59:32
SPEAKER_06: So, yeah, that'll be October 22nd, 9 p.m.
59:36
SPEAKER_06: Super stoked.
59:37
SPEAKER_06: Fuck yeah, yeah.
59:38
SPEAKER_06: That's awesome.
59:39
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, appreciate you guys having me on.
59:40
SPEAKER_01: This is really thank you so much for being a part of today's episode.
59:43
SPEAKER_01: And uh like and subscribe.
59:45
SPEAKER_01: And thanks for being here, and see you next week.
59:48
SPEAKER_06: Peace.