Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Empowering Women to Live Unapologetically with Julie Marty-Pearson: Mental Health, Pets, and Podcasting with Purpose

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Empowering Women to Live Unapologetically with Julie Marty-Pearson: Mental Health, Pets, and Podcasting with Purpose · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

0:00
So it makes sense at midlife, we question a lot of things, but I
0:04
think it's also a good time to reflect and realize what we
0:07
haven't dealt with. And that was something I had to
0:09
come to terms with. But, you know, we grieve in a
0:13
lot of different ways. We grieve the loss of
0:15
relationships, of people passing away, of our pets passing.
0:19
You know, we grieve the loss of of marriages and homes and, and
0:25
jobs and careers. And what I have learned is you
0:28
cannot compare grief because we do that so much in our society.
0:35
Compare despair, compare. They have it worse.
0:37
Oh, I have it worse. No, no, no.
0:39
We all are dealing with something.
0:41
We can't compare. We have to deal with ours and
0:44
support others to deal with theirs.
0:46
But I see that so much that it's something I've become more aware
0:50
of. And I've always been an empath.
0:53
I've always kind of take on other people's emotions.
0:56
I've had to learn to like kind of push back.
0:58
Like I can support. Without taking on everything of
1:01
what you're dealing with. And I think that is also hard as
1:05
women, especially when it's our families, our parents, our kids,
1:09
our friends. You know, we want to do so much,
1:11
but we can only do so much for other people.
1:14
Hello and welcome to the Field podcast.
1:17
This week our guest, she is a podcasters podcaster, especially
1:22
in the world of women's podcasting.
1:24
And this will make more sense as we go through the conversation.
1:27
But I have Julie Marty Pearson here with me today.
1:31
We were connected via our good friends at Pod Match.
1:34
Always so thankful for them and all of the amazing women that
1:38
they bring into my life. And Julie is another one of
1:40
those stories. So you're going to get to know
1:42
her today. As we walk through our talking
1:44
points. She describes herself as
1:47
empathetic, authentic and empowering.
1:51
Julie, welcome to the Field podcast.
1:54
Hi. Thank you so much for having me,
1:56
Melissa. I'm excited for our conversation
1:58
today. I am too.
2:00
I am too. All right, we're going to start
2:01
right off with it because we know this is an area that women
2:04
really struggle with. But talk to me about
2:07
prioritizing self-care in your life.
2:11
So it's funny, I was on another podcast recently that was
2:14
talking about my 40s and what made me pivot and all these
2:17
things. And it kind of goes to
2:19
self-care. Two weeks after I turned 40, I
2:21
was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease.
2:24
And that was my body telling me something needed to change in
2:30
the way I was working and living and taking care of myself.
2:34
And I've had health issues most of my life, so I have to listen
2:38
to my body. But that was like something that
2:40
happened that was like a wake up for me.
2:42
And so for me, self-care means a lot of things it but it
2:48
definitely means listening when your intuition is trying to tell
2:52
you something. Listen when your body is saying
2:55
maybe we need a break. One thing I read yesterday in my
2:59
astrology said that when I get Moody it means I need a nap or a
3:04
snack or a break. Nap, snack break.
3:09
There we go. Or maybe all.
3:11
Three right? So me self-care can simply be me
3:18
shutting my laptop and going sitting on my bed for 30 minutes
3:22
and watching a show while I eat lunch or it's you know, taking a
3:27
break when I have a space in my day.
3:30
Or like I did on Monday, I didn't have any meetings
3:33
scheduled for once on a Monday. I let myself sleep until 9 and
3:37
it was great. Yeah, and those things I feel
3:40
like a treat. Yep.
3:44
Yeah, it shouldn't be a treat, but it also sometimes when I get
3:48
to do it, it reminds me why I have my own business and work
3:52
from home. Because my old life I didn't, I
3:55
actually commuted to work several of my jobs.
3:57
I actually lived where I was during the week and came home on
4:00
the weekends. So I was literally living out of
4:03
a suitcase. And so my home and my private
4:06
and my quiet is very important. And so boundaries between work
4:10
from home and being at home is hard, but I've learned little
4:14
things to do, like just shutting the door of my office when I'm
4:17
done for the day so I don't even look at my desk or my computer.
4:21
And that's a little self here, too.
4:23
Absolutely, which that goes nicely into confidently setting
4:27
boundaries. I love that close your door
4:29
thing. I had to learn to when I first
4:31
started working from home when it was by accident the first
4:33
time. Well, not accident, it was
4:34
COVID, but I had to like go into my garage and drive my car
4:40
around the block and come back in my garage and walk back into
4:43
my house. It's like, OK, now you're home
4:46
and it's no longer your office because we were spread out all
4:50
over the house. Like there wasn't like one room
4:52
because there was four of us at home and three of the four of us
4:55
were working from home. And so it was quite and it
4:59
wasn't the, you know, that wasn't the original plan.
5:01
So I love that you've got that close the door.
5:03
Office hours are over now I'm home.
5:06
That's so smart, but talked about the health.
5:09
Part and listening to your body. We tend to just keep pushing and
5:13
pushing and pushing and our body is screaming at us the whole
5:17
time that it's it that it's overtapped and we keep pushing
5:21
and then we're like, Oh, my body's failing me.
5:23
And like she's been screaming at us or however many hours, days,
5:29
months, sometimes years to pay attention that she was needing
5:34
some re, you know, some healing, some refilling, some time off,
5:38
all those things. But we wait till we get to that
5:41
breaking point. And you and I are both in this
5:44
business now of highlighting women's voices and conversations
5:48
so that we don't do that. It's like, ladies, we can do bet
5:52
we can do better for ourselves. We deserve to do better for
5:56
ourselves. So I think also to you creating
5:58
that boundaries around that. Right.
6:01
And I think women are really good at worried about and taking
6:04
care of other people. And we often are not taking care
6:07
of ourselves at the same time. Or we're like, well, I, I just
6:10
have to focus on this now and then tomorrow or next week or
6:14
whatever. And sometimes our bodies can't
6:16
wait. And, you know, I've had to say
6:19
no to things in my life that I wish I could have done, you
6:22
know, looking back. But I knew at the time that I
6:24
couldn't either mentally or physically handle it on top of
6:27
everything else. And it's hard.
6:30
It's boundaries in all senses of the word are difficult.
6:34
But it is really difficult to be able to say to someone, you
6:37
know, what I can't because I need rest or whatever it is.
6:40
You know, that sounds silly maybe, but we have to stick up
6:44
for ourselves. Yeah, yeah.
6:46
We know our bodies better than anybody else.
6:48
And if we keep saying yes, people aren't going to be like,
6:51
oh, Are you sure? I mean, you've been really busy
6:54
lately. I'm like, maybe they will every
6:56
once in a while, but most of the time they're.
6:57
Just like, Oh well, she said. Yes.
6:59
She must be OK. So it is upon us to advocate for
7:03
ourselves and speak for ourselves.
7:04
I love that so much. And with, you know, with those
7:07
being mindful of your body, mindful of the fact that there's
7:10
been different health challenges throughout your life.
7:13
Talk to me about the impact of emotional health, physical
7:17
health, mental health on your journey.
7:20
Oh my gosh, So much so it it started for me as a kid.
7:24
I didn't know it obviously as a child, but when I was 11 or 12,
7:31
I got really sick. It took six months for them to
7:33
figure out what it was. It was Epstein Barr.
7:36
And along the way, doctors actually said to my parents,
7:40
there's nothing wrong with her. She's just doing this for
7:42
attention. And my mom would say, I know my
7:45
daughter and she never asked for attention.
7:48
So like, that is not what's happening.
7:51
And then I missed almost all of my 7th grade year.
7:54
And so that's a pretty pivotal point in our lives as as people
8:00
as becoming preteen. And so the couple years after
8:04
that were really difficult for my mental health.
8:07
I didn't know it at the time, but now I know I was dealing
8:09
with depression and anxiety. And I will say one thing that
8:14
helped me a lot was my pets. My dog champ, I got to get him
8:18
as a puppy during that time when I was home from school and he
8:21
became my best friend. So for me, pets and having a
8:26
caring person or animal around has really become important for
8:31
me with my mental health because you, even if it's not, even if
8:35
it's a pet who can't say something to you, it's just the
8:37
being of someone there with you. And my, my dog, my dog Champ was
8:42
really great at that. Like he would sit by the bed
8:45
when he knew I wasn't feeling well.
8:46
Or, you know, he just pets have an intuition with that.
8:50
And so as I've gotten older, I think that I've had to balance
8:55
my physical and mental. And sometimes I'm more worried
8:58
about the physical of what's changing or has to be changed.
9:01
And I'm not preparing myself for the mental.
9:04
And I definitely had that a lot when I had a hysterectomy.
9:07
I was not really prepared for the mental process.
9:12
Yeah, because that's the thing. I mean, it's one thing to
9:15
physically have a hysterectomy and all that does to you, but
9:17
then, you know, you're going into early menopause.
9:20
And with early menopause comes all of the emotions and hormonal
9:23
shifts that come with that, that have an impact on your
9:27
emotional, mental, physical health.
9:29
So it's a really a loaded procedure.
9:33
And I don't think in Western medicine, it's always addressed
9:36
all that's coming your way. And so you are left after the
9:40
fact to deal with the fallout of that and, and for and to figure
9:45
out, oh, this is all part of this whole process and decision
9:51
I made. And I'm going to need more
9:53
resources than not driving for six weeks or staying, you know,
9:58
staying home for some time or not in some boxes.
10:01
I mean, there's some more do this than that.
10:05
Right. You know, I remember there was
10:06
something I said to a friend like, oh, well, aren't you fine
10:09
now? I'm like, no, I'm not like, and
10:15
you know, for me, because I have other health concerns, I
10:17
actually had to stay overnight so that they could run labs the
10:20
next day. But I, I have had some anger
10:23
towards my doctor. She's a female.
10:26
And she did not prepare me not only for physical change that
10:29
happened to my body, but also the mental.
10:31
And, you know, my belly shifted. I never had kids, so nothing had
10:35
ever changed. And then you take a piece out
10:38
and that's what's keeping other things in place.
10:40
And I'm like, what's happening to me?
10:43
And, you know, because I had to stay overnight, I like, I do
10:47
that ahead of time, but I didn't really think about where I was
10:50
going to be staying. So, you know, I'm in my room and
10:54
it's, you know, at that night, my husband had gone home and my
10:57
Mama got home and I was there alone.
10:59
And then I hear a noise and like, oh, that's a baby crying.
11:03
Oh, I'm on the wall where all of the women and the babies go
11:07
after they've given birth. So I was on the post labor unit
11:12
and I'd never had a child, so I've never gone through that.
11:15
But then I'm here and my uterus has just been taken out and I
11:19
hear babies crying and families coming to meet new babies.
11:23
And so there were things like that that was kind of like this,
11:25
Oh, this is weird. Like I've never experienced
11:28
this, but I am. But it's for a different reason.
11:32
And no matter what we say to ourselves and other people, be
11:37
are reproductive parts of us or a big part of us as a women,
11:42
it's like who we are, how we work.
11:44
And no matter why you're having to have something altered or
11:47
taken out, you know, I wasn't prepared for that.
11:50
Like, oh, this is really me letting go of this part Part of
11:53
me. Yeah.
11:55
Thank you for sharing that and your vulnerability in that.
11:58
And I think it's such an interesting conversation.
12:02
I have my own frustrations with Western medicine and I've always
12:05
been pretty mindful of having women doctors throughout, but
12:09
I've had to, I've had to remember that just because
12:13
they're women doctors doesn't mean they were taught
12:15
differently in medical school. So medically, what I would love
12:19
to see more of is the ability to also think of their own
12:24
experiences and you know, and tapping into those as they talk
12:28
to you about the possibilities. But it but that's a tricky thing
12:32
because where's the line from professional to personal cross?
12:35
For me, that was part of what drove me to go to a more of a
12:38
holistic, a medical approach because I wanted to have that
12:42
balance of the why behind things, but also bringing all
12:46
those things together. So instead of, you know, and so
12:50
I got all the information about the impacts.
12:53
But yeah, that is such an interesting thing.
12:55
And that's such a big, that's a, for me, that's a, that's a big
12:58
miss to tell, not tell someone they're going to be in, you
13:03
know, basically a, you know, a. Maternity ward, basic ward.
13:09
Yeah. I mean, it's like, oh, oh.
13:12
But then, you know, I also realized that she didn't really
13:16
prepare me for the physical changes.
13:18
Like, I remember I was on the Gurney.
13:20
They were getting ready to take me in to put me under.
13:23
And, you know, like, they have to go over things with you now
13:27
at her office. I had to sign something that was
13:30
like, my awareness that I am being sterilized.
13:33
Like that's what this procedure is and I have to sign it.
13:36
But then in the Gurney getting ready to go in, they're like,
13:39
now you know, we're going to put the net in and blah, blah, blah.
13:42
I'm like, I'm sorry, the what now?
13:44
Well, when they remove your uterus, they put like a netting
13:47
in because your uterus actually kind of holds your bladder in.
13:50
Place I did not know that. And literally seconds before
13:56
going in for the procedure, someone said this.
13:58
And she had never said anything to me about this.
14:01
So there were little things along the way that I'm like I
14:04
realized for you as a OBGY and you do this everyday, but I've
14:08
never. Done it.
14:09
So maybe. You should.
14:11
Yeah, and I think that's where women sharing our stories is
14:16
what we have to do. Because if someone else had
14:18
shared this story with me, I would like, OK, I know what's
14:21
happening. I know what's coming, right?
14:24
Yeah. So some of it is just us doing
14:26
it for each other because we cannot rely on Western medicine
14:29
to do it for us well. Yeah, and it goes back to that
14:32
advocacy piece. You know, go in prepared with a
14:35
list of questions. Don't.
14:37
It is a medical practice and yes, they are professionals and
14:41
trained, but practice means it's ongoing and changing and they
14:45
may not know everything or realize upfront because it's so
14:50
like you said, they're so accustomed to it.
14:52
They may not think of, oh gosh, she probably doesn't know that
14:56
because of the amount of times that they've gone through this
15:00
or patients that they see. So go in very prepared and
15:03
never, ever let yourself, even if you get gaslit because women
15:07
in medicine, we get gaslit all the time about how we're
15:10
feeling. You had it when you were a
15:11
little girl. I mean, it's no wonder we don't
15:14
trust our bodies when we're hearing these things as little
15:17
kids. Oh, she must be making it up or
15:19
trying to get attention. Really.
15:20
That's the best you got. And even if we're that true,
15:24
right, Even if that were true, OK, so what's going on to create
15:27
this situation? Why does she feel like she has
15:30
to do right? Because if that were true,
15:32
something was happening within me to make me do that, if that's
15:36
what right. So yeah.
15:37
So yeah, I. Yeah, keep asking questions,
15:42
keep advocating. Don't believe there's never a
15:45
wrong question or a stupid question and you so that you've
15:49
got the best information to make a decision with because it
15:53
probably, you know, given your situation may not have changed
15:55
your mind on on doing and looking into other things, but
15:58
maybe it would have. And isn't it important to have
16:01
all the information so you can make the most informed decision
16:06
with all the information. So just another reminder,
16:08
ladies, ask the questions. Nothing is too much.
16:13
Advocate for yourself. Don't assume just because
16:16
they're the professional that they know everything.
16:18
And if they make you feel stupid or gaslight you, that might be a
16:23
clue that there might be somebody better for you out
16:25
there that's going to address you and receive your questions
16:29
with respect and honor. Absolutely.
16:33
Yeah, yeah. Advocate is the big one.
16:36
It's hard for us sometimes to speak up for ourselves, but
16:39
there are cases like this that I really wish I had.
16:42
And so that's what I tell others.
16:44
If they say something about, they're going to go through it.
16:46
I'm like, ask all your questions.
16:47
Make sure you get all the answers you need beforehand.
16:50
Yeah. And talk to other people who
16:52
have gone through it because. Sometimes you don't know what
16:54
you don't know. You, you, you know, I, I may not
16:58
occur to you like, oh, this is going to displace some other
17:02
things that is holding together. So I need to ask that question.
17:05
So talk, you know, if you know people that have had similar
17:08
procedures, whether it's this or something else, talk to them and
17:11
find out what it is you don't know that you don't know.
17:14
So you could be prepared that way too.
17:16
And that's another way that we support each other by having
17:19
these conversations. Absolutely, absolutely.
17:22
Thank you so much for that. All right.
17:24
And this is what you do in the world.
17:27
So this is this is what you live out.
17:29
How we can support ourselves and other women in living
17:32
unapologetically. This is really one of your main
17:37
roles in life now. And I would have to think a
17:40
value of yours to inspire you to go down this road.
17:44
So you've certainly got, you know, a wake up call with the
17:48
kidney disease at age 40. But talk to me about that.
17:53
Like, not only is this a shift for me, this is also an
17:57
opportunity I can take to elevate and and celebrate and
18:02
get out to the world. Other woman's voices as well.
18:05
When did that kind of transition into that part of your work?
18:11
So when I started in podcasting, I kind of started for fun to see
18:14
if I liked it. I could never get off the ground
18:16
with. I was doing career coaching at
18:18
the time, and it just didn't excite me to talk about.
18:21
Yeah. So I started about pets, which I
18:23
can talk about pets any day of the week with no preparation.
18:28
I've always been an animal lover.
18:29
Like I mentioned, you know, my pets are very important to me.
18:33
And so as I started that podcast and it started to grow and I was
18:37
talking to more people. One of the things that allowed
18:39
me to do is to connect with other women like me who don't
18:42
have human kids for one reason or another, have pets and are
18:45
very dedicated and want to help more animals.
18:48
And that was kind of opening this whole world to me that I
18:52
didn't know a lot of other women like myself at that moment.
18:55
And so as the kind of went on, I was just seeing more and more of
19:00
these incredible women starting nonprofits, volunteering their
19:03
time, rescuing. And I'm like, God, we need more
19:06
of these voices in general, but in podcasting, because
19:10
podcasting has always been very male dominated.
19:12
Yeah. So that is really kind of the
19:15
process that made me shift away from career coaching and go all
19:18
in on podcasting so that I can help more women do what I'm
19:21
doing. Because it was a process.
19:23
It took time for me to feel right to do it.
19:25
You know, I never thought I'd have a, that's not really
19:28
something I thought I would do. But I used to be a teacher, I
19:31
used to speak in my old career. So it's the same skills.
19:35
It's just for different reasons and in a different way.
19:38
So I really do see my business as helping as many women get
19:43
into podcasting to share their story, whether that be as guests
19:46
or hosts or both. But we, we need more women's
19:50
voices now more than ever in our world.
19:53
And podcasting is the fastest way to get your voice out and be
19:56
heard. But that really has become the
19:59
foundation of my business. I love that so much because
20:02
exactly that, I mean, you and I talked about this when we met
20:06
the first time a few months ago, because it's that importance of
20:09
lifting up and getting out and magnifying all of our voices
20:14
because there's people are going to connect with different ones
20:17
of us in different ways. So if there's no scarcity
20:21
mindset here, do we need all of us as part of the conversation
20:25
to make the shifts for women that we want to see, like what
20:28
we were talking about earlier, advocating for ourselves when it
20:32
comes to medical procedures, to advocating for ourselves,
20:34
period. Sharing our stories, learning
20:37
from each other. When we show up and support each
20:39
other unapologetically, we are one step closer to shifting the
20:44
world to be in the place that's safe for us, where we can thrive
20:48
and be authentically who we are. And it's by sharing and
20:52
listening to these stories so that we know how to show up for
20:56
all the different women we come across that we're able to do
21:00
that. And you and you magnifying that
21:02
and helping women do that. Because I hear you.
21:05
Like if you would have told me 10 years ago I was going to have
21:08
a podcast, I'd be like, what's a podcast?
21:11
And I mean, I'm 55 years old. You know, I didn't even start
21:14
listening to podcasts until COVID.
21:16
And because I do. Yeah.
21:18
And so I had the time. And then all of a sudden, some
21:20
people that I really liked and admired were putting these
21:23
podcasts out there. And.
21:24
And it was through that and then my own health journey and like,
21:28
wait a minute. I could do that.
21:32
I like to talk to people. I know lots of women.
21:36
You know, we got to start having these conversations and taking
21:38
the stigmas and, you know, connotations and old, tired
21:43
narratives off around these things.
21:45
But we got to open the door to safe places so women aren't
21:47
feeling isolated and they realize they're not alone in it.
21:51
And so. Yeah.
21:52
And so you not only do that, but you also help get more voices
21:56
out there to do that, which is even more powerful.
21:59
I love that so much. All right.
22:02
And that goes nicely into your why and your values.
22:05
Talk to me about the role that has played in your life in
22:08
making these decisions for yourself.
22:11
Yeah. You know.
22:14
One of the reasons I'm still here is because of the community
22:16
I found in podcasting. I have some bigger communities
22:20
like Pod Fest that I love, but I also found a smaller community
22:24
that was very, you know, there were probably at different
22:27
points 20 or 30 of us, but it was a membership.
22:30
So I paid to be in it. But it was that place where it
22:33
felt safe and you could ask all the questions that maybe you
22:36
didn't want to ask in front of the bigger groups.
22:39
And, you know, but I also got to hear it what other people were
22:42
asking and what they were struggling with, which would
22:44
help me too. And because of that community,
22:47
although it doesn't exist now because the people who ran it
22:50
have moved on, they're actually building a podcast studio now.
22:54
It I've taken that with me and I still have those friends I made.
22:58
And I realized that maybe that's what I need to do.
23:01
And so that's what I started creating for other women was a
23:04
place where they would feel safe to come and ask the questions
23:07
they're afraid to ask in a bigger group to know that
23:10
they're not going to be judged. You know, I always say women
23:14
podcast about different things and we podcast about things
23:17
differently than men do. And so when we're talking like,
23:21
I wouldn't necessarily bring up my hysterectomy story in a big
23:24
group of men and women, right? Yeah, in a group of women, I
23:28
don't think it's I can say it and there's no like, oh God, she
23:31
why is she talking about that? Right.
23:33
Yeah. So that is really where my why
23:36
came from is. Creating a space for.
23:38
Women like me, what I needed, I know other people need and so
23:42
that's really pushed me forward. With all of that, I love that so
23:47
much. Thank you so much for sharing
23:48
that. Living out of your own
23:50
expectations versus others expectations.
23:53
Talk to me about your journey with that.
23:55
And I think this is an interesting one because you
23:57
started with those health struggles early on.
23:59
And so the whole expectations thing can get really muddy,
24:03
especially at the age you came into that.
24:05
I want to go back to to touch on the value of pets in our health
24:10
and. You've talked about that
24:12
earlier. But when we were talking about
24:13
that mental, emotional, physical health thing, there's such an
24:16
important component of that companionship and unconditional
24:19
love and the fact that they can sense so much about what's going
24:23
on with this. We've had pets that have totally
24:25
like laying under the bed or right by the couch by us when
24:28
we've been sick. I mean, they just know and are
24:31
getting such a source of comfort.
24:33
So I wanted to bring that back into as well.
24:35
But you talked to me about your expectations and you've got this
24:38
time you're not feeling well. It's you've got you and your
24:40
dog. Thank goodness, which probably
24:42
saved you in many ways, but it also kind of like the
24:45
expectations piece and narratives that we get as little
24:48
girls and how that plays into the decisions we make throughout
24:52
our life. That can be really challenging.
24:56
Yeah, and it was because that's a really pivotal time for women
24:59
and girls, you know, 1213, you know, our bodies are changing.
25:03
And for me, so I'm 511. I've been 511 since I was 12.
25:08
So. So you were.
25:09
Taller than me for a head taller.
25:11
Yeah. Yeah, everybody.
25:13
And of course all the short boys love to make fun of me about it,
25:16
but I'm like, sorry, I'm already taller than you'll ever be.
25:20
Yeah, Yeah, that's your that's your wish, right?
25:25
And I didn't know that at the time, but I know that now.
25:28
There are a lot of ways that I think expectations, like I
25:33
didn't always fit the mold, but it was really hard going back to
25:37
school 8th grade freshman year, it was tough.
25:40
I didn't feel like I fit anywhere.
25:42
People looked at me like I was weird because I didn't
25:44
understand certain things because I was kind of out of it.
25:48
And so ultimately I found my people.
25:51
I found my place and I found several groups of friend and,
25:54
you know, the rest of my high school I loved and I really
25:56
excelled, But it's because I found the right people.
25:59
And I also had parents who advocated for me.
26:02
So not only did they advocate for me when we were trying to
26:05
figure out what was going on with my health, but my freshman
26:08
year, because of missing so much school, I was kind of behind in
26:12
some areas. So I was put in general, you
26:15
know, college prep classes. Well, I was bored out of my
26:18
mind, but I'd missed so much of junior high that I couldn't even
26:23
take like the test, let alone pass it.
26:27
So after 1/4 or so, my mom just went right into the principal's
26:31
office and was like, you need to help my daughter.
26:32
She's bored, she's sad, she's, you know, all the things we
26:36
need. And through that and, and
26:39
getting help, I finally got into gate classes where all my
26:42
friends were. But it made me feel like, yes,
26:44
this is where I'm supposed to be.
26:46
I was challenged. I was more active, like I wasn't
26:49
just sitting in a room waiting for the.
26:50
Clock. To move to the next class.
26:52
So there were things like that, that I am very lucky to have
26:56
great parents who always supported me and advocated me.
26:59
Yeah. For me, and yes, they had their
27:02
own expectations, like I was going to be the one that went to
27:04
college. Yes, I did that.
27:06
And I I was the first doctor in the family and my dad was very
27:10
proud of that. But my dad was someone who
27:13
always said don't listen to other people's expectations of
27:16
you. I remember when I graduated with
27:19
my bachelor's and all of my friends were getting married
27:23
and, you know, I was like, well, I'm going to go to master's and
27:26
then I want to go to, you know, to a doctorate program.
27:29
My dad would be the one to say you don't have to get married
27:31
because everyone else is. You want that, you're going to
27:33
get it. And that's what I did.
27:35
Now, was it the path? I thought, no, I went to one
27:39
program and left it and went back all the things.
27:42
But I got there, I found the right place and I finished and.
27:46
For. Me, that was kind of like, I
27:49
even put myself under expectations I shouldn't have.
27:52
Like I have to do it like everybody else's.
27:55
But then I realized, no, I don't have to.
27:57
I can try something and if it's not right, I can let it go and
28:00
move to the next. That's not easy.
28:03
But I think sometimes expectations are unsaid and
28:07
we're assuming what people think we should be doing and we're not
28:10
actually asking or saying. And so that's something I've had
28:14
to learn. And it definitely came into play
28:17
when I left my old career and went into business because I'd
28:22
worked my whole life for that. Yeah.
28:24
But now I'm just gonna like, let it go.
28:26
Like, so sometimes it's also our own expectations of it's okay.
28:30
Yeah, I put 20 years in. I did great things and I enjoyed
28:34
it. But I'm ready for something
28:35
else. Yeah.
28:37
Thank you for speaking to that. I think it's so important one,
28:40
the importance of having that parental support while you're
28:43
still growing up and not old enough quite yet to be able to
28:46
if you do advocate for yourself, they may not listen to it
28:49
because you're a kid. Whether that's right or wrong,
28:51
that's just the way that goes so important for that piece of it.
28:55
But also, you know, what we do to ourselves within this is what
28:59
we assume or think or see and instead of like, OK, where is
29:04
that coming from? Is that truth?
29:06
Or is that just something because we treat our thoughts as
29:09
truth and we not to consider maybe that's just am I making
29:14
that up or is that reality right, right.
29:18
Is that a narrative that's not serving me that I've adopted is
29:21
truth or is that you know and be and then like, oh, OK, and then
29:25
realizing that it's my life. I get to decide how that goes.
29:29
I get to make the rules for my life.
29:32
And if it's honoring to me and healthiest for me and bust for
29:36
me, then that that is what it'll be and people will do what they
29:39
do. But I, I get to, you know, make
29:42
those choices. But yeah, we put a lot of
29:43
pressure on ourselves. So it's like, if you're feeling
29:46
that pressure, stop and consider, you know, where is
29:50
that coming from and is it based in a truth?
29:53
And if it's coming from someone else, that's not, it's not their
29:57
job to decide nor their their rights to get dictate that, But
30:02
it's also your responsibility to communicate what yours are,
30:06
because if you don't communicate your expectations or live them
30:09
out, clearly, people will impose them upon you.
30:12
I mean, you know, if that's just the way we work as humans.
30:16
And so, but thank you for bringing all that up.
30:18
I think that's so important to remember in that place.
30:21
All right, accepting the layered aspects of ourselves.
30:24
These are all the pieces and portions of our lives that we
30:28
love, that we don't love that we had, you know, that we have to
30:31
kind of come to terms with. And so many times there's parts
30:35
that we push aside or we have angst about.
30:37
I would imagine with the health struggles you've had and
30:40
different things that have happened along the way, they
30:43
would be real easy for you to be like.
30:46
But it's but in order to, I think to live in peace and
30:48
contentment, we have to come to like.
30:50
I don't have to love it, but I can knowledge it.
30:53
I can give it the space it needs to breathe and BI can.
30:57
I can get curious rather than judgmental about it.
31:00
And I can see how it's factored into my life in a way where I
31:04
can not let it, you know, be a deterrent or let it be something
31:09
that rules the day on how I feel about myself.
31:13
Right, I think, gosh, the layers of ourselves, I think we often
31:18
kind of push parts of ourselves down and ignore it or pretend it
31:21
doesn't exist. I was very good at that when I
31:24
was little. I'm an introvert.
31:25
I never enjoyed talking about my feelings.
31:28
I would just push them down. Just keep it's fine, don't worry
31:31
about it. But or even things like I
31:34
mentioned how tall I am, you know, I had curly hair.
31:37
I my mom didn't know what to do with it.
31:40
And you know, they're just things in our life that and
31:42
especially for and we have to come to terms with who we are
31:46
now, like what our body looks like, how we feel.
31:50
There's other parts of my journey that I share in
31:52
podcasting about health issues where I've lost parts of me
31:55
because and I didn't realize I was grieving who I was then and
31:59
who I am now. And I think that I've had to
32:04
experience it to get to that point.
32:06
But you know, no matter what you try and avoid, it's going to
32:10
show up for you at some point. And but I think the first step
32:14
with women, no matter what you want to do, is you have to come
32:17
to terms with being happy with yourself.
32:20
You can't let the little things get to you.
32:22
And I've battled with weight issues my whole life.
32:24
And in the last three years, I've lost 50 lbs for different
32:27
reasons. And I know I feel better and
32:29
healthier when I weigh less. But that doesn't mean that when
32:32
I'm in that, it's easy for me to make a decision to change it.
32:36
Like life happens. Life is busy.
32:38
We don't have time to eat right or exercise or all the things.
32:41
But I also know that I have to prioritize certain things for me
32:45
to be better overall. Sure.
32:47
And I had to come to terms with I'm never going to look like
32:51
her, never going to be a 2 or probably even a six or an 8.
32:56
But I know I can be weigh less and be healthier and happier,
33:01
and I can be happy now at this weight and I can also be happy
33:04
at other weights. And that's been a big process
33:07
for me to come to terms with because so much of our identity
33:11
gets wrapped up in what we look like and how people see.
33:15
US. That we can't let other people's
33:18
misconceptions, stereotypes get in our way of doing what we want
33:22
to do. And.
33:23
Podcasting has allowed me to open up in a lot of ways, and I
33:26
didn't realize I was closed off. Yeah, thank you so much for all
33:31
that. It is so important that we stop
33:34
and think about that. I've got several friends that
33:36
I've had on here as guests, Rachel Lavin, Kim Mosman, Amy
33:39
Donovan. They all speak to this body
33:42
piece very specifically. In fact, Kim and Rachel have
33:45
just launched their own podcast. They met on one of my panels.
33:48
They've just launched their own on YouTube, literally dropped
33:52
their first episode this week. And it's these conversations,
33:55
loving ourselves, where we are getting rid of this comparison
33:58
game, this ideal game of what we're supposed to look like,
34:02
we're supposed to look like us and we're supposed to meet us
34:06
wherever we are and wherever we feel healthy.
34:10
And so, and, but it's a lot, it's a lot of really mindfulness
34:14
and awareness of continuing to address when those insecurities
34:20
or things come up and, and being truthful about it.
34:25
You also hit on another thing too, if there's, there's these
34:28
emotions, especially like anger and grief, there's so many
34:31
stereotypes and stigmas about women and those emotions and
34:35
whether they're OK or not. And it's like emotions are
34:38
emotions, They're not good, they're not bad, they're clues.
34:42
We all have them. They're necessary.
34:45
And when they're coming to play, they need to be tended to,
34:49
whether that's anger or joy. So many of us, we are afraid to
34:53
feel, Oh, I shouldn't feel so joyful.
34:55
So and having a hard time or women, you know, are women in
34:59
this area of the world have no rights and, and all those things
35:03
are true. And also joy is part of what
35:06
fills us and keeps us fueled, you know, so but and then it's
35:10
on the flip side, there is nothing wrong with anger.
35:13
Anger's a great motivator. What there is wrong with anger
35:17
is when we don't move through it and process it and then it comes
35:20
spewing out in some way or we get stuck in it.
35:24
Yes, we get stuck and we can't move forward from it because of
35:28
all the other emotions and, and and, you know, things that need
35:31
to be healed that are coming up within that.
35:35
So, and I, I really, you know, grief has come up a lot in my
35:39
podcasting, both about pets because we talk about pets we
35:43
lost and how that how that impacted us.
35:46
But also in grief with women of not being able to have kids,
35:51
having kids and them leaving the nest, changing career divorces.
35:54
I have several friends going through divorces.
35:57
You know, there's all these. And then I so I mentioned my
36:01
kidney disease, while less than six months after that moment, my
36:04
dad passed away. So another big life change.
36:08
And, you know, my biggest cheerleader, even though my mom
36:11
is great, too. He was, you know, it's
36:12
different. We have different relationships
36:14
with our parents. Yeah.
36:16
But. But it was also like the end of
36:18
something. And then you start thinking
36:19
about your life and the end of my life and was it gonna be like
36:22
with just my mom and what will she need me for?
36:25
And, you know, so much of that. And I think especially in our
36:28
40s and 50s, age wise, typically we're also having to maybe care
36:32
for parents or help them in different ways.
36:35
And so it makes sense at midlife, we question a lot of
36:39
things, but I think it's also a good time to reflect and realize
36:43
what we haven't dealt with. And that was something I had to
36:45
come to terms with. But, you know, we grieve in a
36:49
lot of different ways. We grieve the loss of
36:51
relationships, of people passing away, of our pets passing.
36:55
You know, we grieve the loss of of marriages and homes and and
37:01
jobs and careers. And what I have learned is you
37:04
cannot compare grief because we do that so much in our society.
37:11
Compare despair, compare. They have it worse.
37:13
Oh, I have it worse. No, no, no, we all are dealing
37:16
with something. We can't compare.
37:18
We have to deal with ours and support others to deal with
37:21
theirs. But I see that so much that it's
37:25
something I've become more aware of and I've always been an
37:28
empath. I've always kind of take on
37:30
other people's emotions. I've had to learn to like kind
37:33
of push back. Like.
37:35
I can support you without taking on everything of what you're
37:38
dealing with. And I think that is also hard as
37:41
women, especially when it's our families, our parents, our kids,
37:45
our friends. You know, we want to do so much,
37:47
but we can only do so much for other people.
37:50
Yeah. And we also have to protect our
37:52
own boundaries and emotions and listen when our bodies kind of
37:57
festering something which is hard but.
38:00
If you don't listen now, it's going to tell you louder down
38:03
the line. Yeah, yeah.
38:05
Thank you so much for bringing up one of the different types of
38:08
grief and and that comparison thing because you know well that
38:13
it's only this or it's no, no, only no shoulds, no nevers.
38:18
Let's let's be respectful and honor that thing that's coming
38:23
up. And if it's coming up in US, it
38:25
means it's, it's, it's impacting us.
38:29
And so let's make it where it is, with compassion and patience
38:32
and love and curiosity instead of judgement and impatience.
38:38
Because there's there's no. Time meter on that, you know,
38:44
I'm well you know I remember when my dad passed and I would
38:48
be doing something and say to someone, oh, sorry, I haven't
38:50
done that or no, I had to change this because I went through this
38:53
and I would say you know my dad passed and people would say oh,
38:55
how old was he? And I'd be like, he was 94.
38:58
Oh, OK. Like it was OK because he was so
39:00
old. And it's like, guys, no, you
39:02
can't put that on me. Yes, he was 94.
39:04
He had a long, great life. But I still only got him for 40
39:08
years because he was much older when I was born.
39:11
And so, so no matter what, who it is, how long we have him,
39:14
it's never enough. It's never with our pets, with
39:17
our people. And that is also something I've
39:19
become very aware of is how I react to people because that can
39:24
that like actually made me feel bad when my doctor said, oh, he,
39:28
he had a long life. Like, it's fine.
39:30
No, I still had to go through it.
39:32
Yeah, right. Yeah, it doesn't.
39:34
It doesn't minimize my grief. I still miss him greatly.
39:39
He's still, he's still not here with me anymore.
39:41
Yeah, I think that's so important.
39:43
I was just having this conversation with a friend at a
39:45
meeting I was at. She was talking about the grief
39:48
that she was going through. I literally had a guest that I
39:51
just recorded with last week. And she, because of her own
39:55
grief journey, she now kind of specializes in helping people
39:59
understand there's no one way to do this.
40:04
Don't let other people dictate how you do this.
40:06
You get to decide that. And she also, but also within
40:11
that, she talked a lot about people think they're helping by
40:16
either minimizing something. Oh well, God, at least he was
40:20
94. Or they come in and they're
40:22
like, start cleaning up your space when that was the last cup
40:27
they drank out of or the last clothes they wear, they wore the
40:31
last time they sat in that spot. And it still feels like them,
40:34
smells like them. So, you know, so being very
40:37
mindful when you're showing up for people or they, they, they
40:40
express to you they've been grieving or they know that and
40:43
they're showing up that they're very, that you just don't say
40:47
too much. I'm just the thoughtful and kind
40:51
and empathetic. And if you want to help ask, is
40:54
there a way I can support you in this that feels well for you.
40:59
So thank you so much for addressing all that.
41:03
Yeah, I think it's really important.
41:04
I've struggled with that with my mom just because there were
41:07
things. I'm like, mom, why do you still
41:08
have this? It's sitting there.
41:10
You're having to pay for it to sit there.
41:11
And it's like I get to the point where it's time to just.
41:14
And she just can't let go of certain things.
41:16
She still lives in my childhood home with all of our things.
41:19
She has gotten rid of a lot of my dad's clothes and has donated
41:22
to good places. But I also in my mind, it's
41:25
like, yeah, it's fine now, but her is different.
41:28
That's her. That's her whole life.
41:30
You know, they were married almost 50 years and, and they
41:33
had a great marriage. They loved each other very
41:35
deeply. And so I've had to learn like,
41:37
OK, I there's certain things I can push on and there's certain
41:40
things that I can't control it. That's her journey.
41:43
And even if it drives me crazy, I can't tell her when it's right
41:46
to do certain things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So good.
41:50
Thank you so much for all of that.
41:51
OK, in living out feel finding out empowerment, embracing
41:57
layers, the acronym and what we live by here.
42:00
Talk to me about how that's impacted your journey with in
42:03
relationship with yourself as well as your relationship with
42:08
other people. Yeah.
42:11
You know, I think one thing I've definitely learned is I used to
42:16
kind of have different versions of myself.
42:18
There was me as a family, me as a career person, me as a friend,
42:23
and I kind of kept them siloed. And in some ways, our society is
42:27
geared to do that. You're this way here, you're
42:29
that way there. I actually love this TV show
42:31
Severance because it really gets at that.
42:33
Hit like this version here. Yeah, and she was literally not
42:37
possible. Right.
42:39
You really cannot separate yourself like that.
42:42
It just doesn't work. So a lot of it has been me
42:45
letting go, you know, the doctor Julie who is the teacher and the
42:50
administrator and that. But that doesn't mean I can't
42:53
say, yeah, I'm Doctor Julie. Like I I didn't say that in the
42:55
first couple years I podcasted because I thought, well, yeah,
42:58
but I'm not a doctor of pet podcasts, so why would I say
43:01
that? Well, obviously I still use the
43:03
same skills, but you know, I realized I was even diminishing
43:07
myself. And it's like, why am I doing
43:10
that? Like I worked hard for all of
43:12
those things. But I think sometimes we
43:14
diminish ourselves for the people we're around.
43:17
Like we don't want them to feel bad.
43:18
So I'm not like, you're going through a divorce.
43:21
I'm not going to talk about my marriage, right?
43:23
But that's not fair to them or ourselves.
43:26
Yeah, so. I do think recognizing the
43:29
layers of myself, that maybe I wasn't as aware.
43:32
Of more I. Wasn't as open with and people
43:35
like, oh, I didn't know that about you.
43:36
I'm like, yeah, cuz I never talked about it.
43:38
Like I have to realize that I'm a part of it too.
43:41
And if I never said this about myself then but I have had
43:46
friends say to me over the last couple years as I've been
43:49
podcasting like, wow, you're really showing up as your
43:51
authentic self or you're really showing all of yourself.
43:54
And I'm like, thank you because you never know, know how you're
43:58
coming off. But I also feel like, should I
44:00
be putting on the bedazzled headband and have all my photos?
44:04
Like that's who I am. So it's giving myself permission
44:08
to do it, but also being OK with it.
44:10
And if someone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not mine.
44:14
Yeah, exactly that. Like we're not going to be for
44:17
everybody. That doesn't mean we're doing
44:20
anything wrong. We're just not going to be for
44:22
everybody. So if we're honoring ourselves
44:24
and showing up honestly and authentically in that space,
44:27
then that is what we that we what we are to do in order to
44:31
honor ourselves. Thank you so much, So good.
44:34
All right, we are down to the rapid fire.
44:37
Name 5 activities that nourish you.
44:43
OK, sleep. Time with friends, reconnecting,
44:53
creating things. I love to create bracelets.
44:56
It's kind of my anti anxiety reliever.
44:59
Yeah, podcasting. Podcasting for sure, and also
45:05
travel. That's kind of something that's
45:07
come back up in my life. I hadn't really done it for
45:10
years for finances, but also COVID and realizing, Oh yeah, I
45:14
like this and I need to make room for it both financially and
45:17
schedule wise. So getting back into that one.
45:22
Oh, so good. All right.
45:23
And five words on how you want to feel the next six months.
45:30
Crowd energy, energetic. That's a hard 1 for me.
45:38
Growing and growth. Inspiring to be inspiring, but
45:46
also to continue to be inspired by others.
45:49
Oh, I like that. That's really good, alright.
45:52
Tell people all the places and ways they can find you, follow
45:56
you, listen to you. This will also be on our website
45:58
on our resources page at embracinglayers.com, but take a
46:02
minute to share that with our listeners.
46:04
Yeah, you can find me in all the places.
46:06
Mostly my website is Julie martypierson.com.
46:10
You can find both my podcasts there.
46:12
You can find all of my workshops and free events, my networking,
46:16
the women's podcaster Party, as well as my membership, which is
46:20
podcast your story community. And that's really a space for
46:24
women who are podcasters, want to be podcasters, want to be
46:28
guests are want to grow to just come and learn from each other
46:32
and have more one-on-one that's, you know, in addition to the
46:35
networking that Ioffer. Yeah, absolutely.
46:38
Thank you so much for that. Any last thoughts you'd like to
46:40
leave with our listeners today? Yeah.
46:43
One thing I like to leave with is no matter what it is you've
46:46
been thinking about, whether it's podcasting or speaking or
46:50
writing a book or starting a business, is that I say to you
46:53
to start because you don't know until you start.
46:59
And that is what I did with podcasting.
47:01
My first few episodes were unedited Zoom recordings and I
47:04
just put up and said let's see what happens.
47:06
I've learned so much through the process of doing that.
47:10
I know it's easy to get held up in the starting, but you don't
47:14
really know if it's for you until you get out there.
47:17
Yeah. Oh, good.
47:18
So good. Thank you so much for that.
47:20
Thank you for your time today. I appreciate this conversation.
47:23
I appreciate you and how you show up in the world for
47:25
yourself, for women. It's so important to have women
47:29
like you in the world doing this important work of not only
47:33
sharing your own voice, but also magnifying other voices and
47:36
inviting and creating these safe spaces for us to come together.
47:39
So thank you so much for that. Go check out listeners all that
47:45
Julie offers. Listen to our podcast, follow
47:48
her on her socials. So much good stuff there.
47:51
And and remember what she said that there's that thing you've
47:54
been waiting on. Don't wait, give it a try.
47:58
You never know. You're definitely not going to
48:00
know if you don't try. And you don't want to get, you
48:03
know, 5-10, fifteen, 20-30 years down the road, like, oh, I wish
48:07
I would have done that. Do the thing, Do the thing and
48:11
whatever comes of it will come of it.
48:12
But yeah, do the thing. So thanks so much for that and
48:15
all your insights and wisdom today, your authenticity and
48:18
sharing your story. I appreciate that so much.
48:22
Thank you, Melissa, I really appreciate you having me and
48:24
what you do with this podcast. Thank you so much.
48:27
All right, listeners, take good care of yourselves and we'll see
48:30
you next time here on the Field podcast.
48:34
Hello and thank you so much for being with us today on this
48:38
episode of the Feel podcast. If you would like more
48:42
information on how you can apply these talking points that I
48:46
share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
48:51
utilize this Feel framework, go to embracinglayers.com, fill out
48:56
our contact form, and let's set up a free 30 minute consultation
49:02
to talk about how you can start being your most authentic,
49:06
organic, healthy feel fueled life.
49:10
Thanks again for being with us today.
49:12
We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
49:15
Podcast.