Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 624: Dumper Feelings When Their Ex MOVES ON

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Episode 624: Dumper Feelings When Their Ex MOVES ON · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:04
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  This week I want to talk about dumper feelings when their ex
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  moves on. Most people who've been dumped
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  do not want to move on, and if they do move on, they usually
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  don't want their ex to find out. But what if I told you that it
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  may actually help you to get your ex back if you do, move on.
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  How? Well, stay tuned and you'll find
• 0:27
  out. But first I want to welcome back
• 0:29
  my beautiful No contact army. Have you downloaded my apps?
• 0:33
  Silencio? The link is underneath every
• 0:35
  single video and podcast, and if you have and you enjoy it, or
• 0:38
  even if you don't, please leave a rating or a review.
• 0:41
  And if you too would like to join our No contact army, all
• 0:44
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the Bell
• 0:48
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 0:51
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read two free chapters
• 0:55
  before you purchase the book. OK, so people are often afraid
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  to do no contact because they think that their ex will think
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  that they've moved on. And in fact, I've done a video
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  on that and I will post the link in the upper right hand corner
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  on YouTube. And in that video I talk about
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  how you cannot use logic to predict how someone is going to
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  act when we're dealing with romantic feelings.
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  So just as your ex will not necessarily think that you've
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  moved on, if you're in no contact, they may actually
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  become more attracted to you if they think or know that you have
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  moved on. Again, not logical.
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  And in this video, when I talk about moving on, I mean that you
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  are dating other people now, you may think that by moving on your
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  ex will be happy because, well, they didn't want you in their
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  life anyway. Well, initially that may be
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  true. When they break up with you,
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  they don't want to hear from you.
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  But as time goes on and they don't hear from you when they
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  thought you would at least reach out at some point, since they
• 1:59
  got rid of you and you didn't want it, they will begin to look
• 2:03
  at you differently. They'll begin to wonder what's
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  going on and why. You could easily walk away and
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  now it seems, even move on. They may wonder if you ever even
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  had feelings for them. So all these question marks
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  turned upside down become a hook, and that hooks them back
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  into thinking about you. And when they're thinking about
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  you, their interest level is going to go up, and it has to go
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  up past 50% if they're going to reconsider getting you back.
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  So sometimes moving on can be the way to raise their interest
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  level. Let's talk about how your ex
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  feels when you do move on. So your ex may initially be
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  relieved if they were totally done with you.
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  Or if you did not take the ending of their relationship
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  well and you were constantly contacting them or pestering
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  them, then they may actually be happy that you moved on.
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  So now they can move on themselves in peace and not have
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  to worry about you popping up. And if you're freaking out right
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  now, remember I said, your ex may initially be relieved, but
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  as time moves on, what happens next?
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  There may be curiosity and surprise.
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  As I said before, they thought you wouldn't let them go so
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  easily and so they'll be surprised to see that you're
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  moving on. Just because if they didn't want
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  you to chase them, it doesn't mean they didn't expect you to.
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  They may even wonder if maybe you already had someone else
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  that you were speaking to, or if you were ever even interested in
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  them, if this was a shorter relationship or a dating
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  situation. And by the way, if you are
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  enjoying this video, Please remember to give it a like so we
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  can help our friend. The YouTube algorithm
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  recommended to other people. And yes, other people can also
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  find out what the dumper is feeling when they move on.
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  OK, next your value will go up in their eyes.
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  Why? Scarcity creates value.
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  Something that is scarce or is believed to be scarce has more
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  value, like diamonds. Or how about Lamborghinis?
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  How many Lamborghinis do you see on a weekly basis?
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  I live in Los Angeles, so I see them almost every day.
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  But for the people who don't live here, they probably do not
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  see them every day or even every week.
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  So if they were expecting you to beg and plead, or to contact
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  them at some point, and you don't, the fact that you're now
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  dating is a message, then you will probably not be contacting
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  them. So it appears that the window of
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  opportunity to get you back is closing.
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  And if they're having second thoughts about the breakup, they
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  know that they need to make a move sooner rather than later
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  before things start to progress in your dating life.
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  Next, they may reconsider the break up because of social
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  proof. What is social proof, you may
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  ask? Well, I have the Wikipedia
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  definition, and that is a psychological and social
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  phenomenon wherein people copy the actions of others in
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  choosing how to behave in a given situation.
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  And the term was coined by Robert Cialdini in 1984.
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  So an Italian, something else the Italians came up with as if
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  we hadn't already come up with enough.
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  OK, so social proof. Let's say there are two Chinese
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  restaurants across the street from each other, and one is full
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  of people and the other one is empty or almost empty.
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  So which one are you most likely to walk into?
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  Yes, I know somebody was probably going to say, well, the
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  empty one, because there will be less of a wait.
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  But most people will want to go to the busy one because they
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  assumed the food will be better and there must be something
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  wrong if the other one is empty or almost empty.
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  So when it comes to dating, when your ex sees that you're moving
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  on and dating other people, they may think, well if other people
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  find him or her attractive and they're willing to date them.
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  Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe my ex is more valuable
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  than I originally thought These other people see value in my ex,
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  Then maybe I missed something. Or maybe my ex has changed, and
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  now they're more valuable. They may even ask themselves why
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  they ended their relationship. If someone else seems to be very
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  happy with you. Did they miss out on something,
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  or did they miss something so that works in your favor?
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  And then finally there's a good chance your ex will be feeling
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  jealousy. If your ex's interest level had
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  already started to grow because of no contact, then jealousy
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  will be a great friend to you, because if they're wondering
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  whether they should reach out, they're going to make the
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  decision to reach out sooner around them later.
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  When you go no contact and stay there, the thought is going to
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  cross their mind that you've moved on or are dating or in a
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  new relationship, and they're going to assume that you've
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  moved forward with your life. And if their life isn't going
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  that great, they're going to question their decision to break
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  up with you. The tables have now turned.
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  They thought they were going to be happier without you and now
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  it looks like you're happier without them and they're worse
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  off without you. And in order to induce this
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  jealousy, I have the two drink trick which I have talked about
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  in other videos. And basically you post a drink
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  photo or video of two drinks. And if it's a heterosexual
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  relationship, make sure they're not both girly drinks.
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  Like don't post 2 drinks with umbrellas because most guys do
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  not drink drinks with umbrellas, although they're missing out.
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  So make sure one drink looks manler and the other drink looks
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  more feminine. The implication is that you're
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  out on a date and if you're going to use the jealousy card,
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  you have to do it correctly. And I've actually done a video
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  on that, so I will put the link in the upper right hand corner.
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  But basically you have to be subtle because if you start
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  posting someone else right away, they're going to think that
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  you're doing it to get back at them or that it's a rebound.
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  So you've got to do it correctly.
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  So listen to that video. And by the way, if you are going
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  to start dating, you also have to do that correctly.
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  Don't do it just because you want to make your ex come back
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  if you're not emotionally ready, because you will get triggered
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  when you're on your date. You're going to be thinking
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  about your ex during the date, and as soon as you get home,
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  you're going to want to break no contact and contact them.
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  So do not start dating if you are a mess.
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  However, if you are ready to date, but you're not totally
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  emotionally available, then you need to be honest with the
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  people that you date and let them know that you recently got
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  out of something and are not looking to jump into something
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  right away. So if someone is looking for
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  something more serious and is willing to jump right away, then
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  you're not going to waste their time.
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  And I noticed that a lot of people on dating apps have just
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  gotten out of something, so keep that in mind if you are on a
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  dating app or a dating site. So to recap as to the dumper
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  feelings, when their ex moves on initially, they may be relieved.
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  Next there will be curiosity and surprise.
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  Your value will go up in their eyes because of scarcity.
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  Then there is social proof. And then finally there's a good
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  chance they will feel jealousy. So now I want to hear from you.
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  Are you ready to move on and to other people or have you already
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  started to? And how is it going?
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  Let us know. And in the meantime, if you
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  would like me to help you get your ex back, contact me at
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  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
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  They're not on the website and the direct link for that is
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  under every single video and podcast.
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  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 9:41
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 9:43
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember that love
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  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.