Latest / Stories From The Lost and Found: The Journey Back to Self / When the Dream You Built No Longer Fits with Danielle Lauren

Transcript

When the Dream You Built No Longer Fits with Danielle Lauren · Stories From The Lost and Found: The Journey Back to Self

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Stories from the Lost and Found.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Krishna Avalon, subconscious therapist, breakthrough coach, and acupuncturist, someone who spent 24 years helping people change from the inside out.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: I bridge neuroscience and ancient medicine together to show you what's actually driving your life because it's almost never what's on the surface.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: Each week we'll go deep into the patterns, wounded parts, and the real stories behind why we get stuck and how we find our way through.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: If you're ready for honesty, depth, and tools that actually work, you're in the right place.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: I am so glad you're here.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the podcast.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Today I am so, so, so excited to welcome an old friend, Danielle Lauren.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: She has been facilitating the elevated experiences that help you realize yourself for the last two decades.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: She started her path through the curation of events for her community that still to this day hold legend and lore.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: And after bringing her work from the underground into online space in 2016, she began working more directly with people in the realms of personal, professional, and spiritual development.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Danielle has created dozens of programs, classes, and masterminds throughout the last 10 years.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Her greatest pleasure is still creating in-person events and currently hosts luxury retreats around the world.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: She's the founder of the Elevated Experience Method, which is a certification program for psychedelic facilitators.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: She has been seeking newfound desire for more pleasure in her work over the last two years and has been focusing primarily on working with women who've created beautiful, successful lives, but they're desiring something new for themselves.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: Danielle is a self-proclaimed experiential teacher, and this direction in her work mirrors the great change she's going through in her own life.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: Danielle splits her time between home on the Big Island and her favorite city in Paris.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Danielle, welcome.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: So happy to be here with you.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so, so happy and honored and grateful to be here as well.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Krishna.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I just want to name for the people listening that I met Danielle lifetimes ago.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: And she definitely, you are one of the people that just like really blasted my heart open, my mind open in ways that, you know, I didn't know were possible.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: And also just like showed up in ways as a friend and a human being that really just like expanded my own mind and heart.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so I want to thank you for that.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I've just been observing you, right, in this online space, it seems like lifetimes ago, since we were in each other's lives more.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, today in this big, you know, energetic time in Leo season, like what would you like people to know?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important also to note before we really dive in here that as I was thinking back on our history, I think it's been about 22 or 23 years that we've known each other.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I know I was trying to calculate.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I have to say that when I met you, you were one of the first examples of a woman doing something that I had ever really witnessed or seen.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: You were so professional in your career at that time as an acupuncturist, and you were just so put together and you had this business and you were doing things and you had clients, and that was really a spark of inspiration for me at that time in my life.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I just wanted to note that as well what an impact you made on me in the very beginning of our friendship.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just really beautiful to be back here with you today in this space.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: That really is medicine for my heart, because just knowing who you are and how fiercely you love and how clear your boundaries are, like to be any sort of inspiration for you is like, you know, that's such a compliment.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: And back then, because it is not for the faint of heart to be an entrepreneur for 24 years, as I have like literally word of mouth only, zero strategy, zero strategy in life.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like entrepreneurship has changed so much in the time, like since I've met you.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: And it seems like now everyone's a coach, right?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: In some way, shape, or form.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and like for me, I was even a little bit snobby a couple of years ago thinking, oh, I have to get this degree in psychology so that I don't have to try to hustle online, talk people into what I'm, you know, doing is like good, and then I can just be this therapist.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: People can choose to come to me for that, right?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm like, got over myself because coaches are free.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: They don't have rules.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: There is no accreditation, which was sort of my snobbery around it before.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, well, I have all this skill set, like coaches have no accreditation.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, I was just in my own way about shit.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm like not inspired by the training that I went through.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: I did not learn anything that made me better at what I already do.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: And just allowing myself to be in a coach because you have so much freedom and you can work with anyone anywhere.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was a really lengthy way of saying, like, you already knew that, and you've been in the coaching space for so long.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, what's it like to work with you?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: If I if you were my coach, what would we be doing?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I like you have a little bit of aversion to the idea of coaching.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, even though I have been part of the industry for a solid 10 years now.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I identify more with uh mentorship and guide.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, when I think about the really definition of a coach, coach is a little hard for me because coaching is really about letting the other person figure it out for themselves and asking them questions and kind of leading them into the place of realization.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: My style is not so much that I'm a projector in human design, um, literally designed to see things that you can't.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so I am an experiential teacher, so I lead through my experience.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And when I work with people, if I was coaching you, the experience would be very intense.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it would be now, thank God, influ infused with more pleasure, which is something that I'm trying to bring into my own life and the way that I coach.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like an explosion when we're coaching together, and I'm able to just come in and really see your greatness and really see your possibility.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I can see the patterns and possibilities and you know, blocks and see how to reorganize them very quickly to just give you new ideas and say, hey, let's go this way.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I think with my Leo Sun sign, I'm also able to, which you don't need as much because we share this Leo Sun sign, but really bring in the light and the confidence and the activation kind of for you know who you really are and how great you really are.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think in all my years of coaching, I think that so many people think it's about strategy and what to do next and how to position yourself.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm circling back into a place after teaching strategy for many years, um, to really understanding that it's all comes back down to your identity and your self-concept.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so what people need the most is to really believe in themselves and they need it beyond beyond inspiration or motivation.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not here to motivate you or inspire you, but to really just look you dead in the eye and be like, you're so amazing, you're so gifted.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let's activate this, let's let's get this going because you you really are truly meant for that.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: And when people feel seen in that way and they have somebody next to them that is believing it and also has the skill set to, you know, show them how to do it at the same time, it's just it's an unstoppable, it's an unstoppable combination and it's so fun and so fun and rewarding.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: And for that reason alone, I'll participate in the coaching industry, even though I still kind of cringe when people call me a coach because I think it's um, and maybe it's just my snobbery, but I think it's so much more than that and so much deeper than that.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And there is actually an incredible skill set that's involved when it is really powerful.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: And uh the word mentor, and that's more what you're calling yourself.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: So, as someone's mentor, like you have all this, like you are an activator, um, but also like, you know, you have all this best friend energy, which is I think what a lot of people are craving, and I think what people are willing to pay for these days, because we don't have, unfortunately, a lot of us don't have a lot of people who have the space and time in our lives who can just be there and show up and be like, How are you doing?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: And we can really tell them and like fall apart if we need to, or cry, or we need a pep talk.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like sometimes we can try to put that on the people in our lives and they don't have the capacity, or you can just see how they're maxed out.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so, yeah, just even getting deeper, like what is that like for you if you're mentoring someone?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Is it one-to-one?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: Is it group style?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I love to mentor one-to-one.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's you know, for a long time, my one-to-one clients are the deepest relationships that I've had.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I haven't had like a real boyfriend in 10 years, and that's kind of been the entire time that I've been in the online space doing this kind of work prior to my years in the underground of my work.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's an all-in experience.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm there with you through everything, and you know, it's your relationships, it's your business, it's your body, it's your health, it's your sex, it's your everything that we're in.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, the best friend energy definitely plays a part.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, big sister energy, older eldest sister energy definitely comes in.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of crone energy comes in, like wisdom of somebody who's really gone before you.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that's that's what mentorship really is, is you showing the way for something that you've gone through and that you've been through.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can't you can coach somebody through a divorce if you've never been through a divorce, because you can take them through a practice of actions, but you can't mentor somebody who's going through a divorce if you've never gone through a divorce yourself.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's a it's an embodiment.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: So when I'm coaching someone in a one-to-one space, I'm burying my soul and my experience and my vulnerability because I'm leading you from, you know, sometimes just a few steps ahead, but from my really lived experience.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so the one-to-one relationship is my favorite.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I love to work with people six months, 12 months.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I really love 12-month relationships.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Most of my clients, once you get into my world, you stay for a long time.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I've worked with many of my clients for many years.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: I used to work with people for shorter amounts of time.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's kind of like you got 90 days to be in my field, and you're gonna come in and get it and get out.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: But we're we're evolving so much more than that.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's such an extensive process that I really feel like a year together is barely sometimes scratching the surface of what we're really here to do together.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And these industries that we're playing in, they're long game industries, and we're seeing so much transactional relationships and experience and things online, and it's changing so quickly.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: But the game of development with the self, I mean, it's it's lifelong, right?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: So coaching one-to-one, um, I've hosted dozens, countless of countless programs and different styles of masterminds throughout the years.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm pulling away from that in my business because I don't want to teach the process anymore.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be in the experience.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: So things like I'm hosting a one-year mastermind that's starting in the fall, an experiential mastermind that includes doing the work, but also taking trips together out in the world.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I love to work together with people in groups, but that's more short-term experiences like retreats and things like that.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, the one-to-one model, it can be tricky as an entrepreneur because it's technically not scalable, depending on what you're really trying to do with your impact and your numbers and your revenue.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: So as I'm reorganizing my business, my focus right now is my one-to-one work.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is my mastermind that I'm gonna be hosting in my events.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: But as a smart entrepreneur, I'm also looking at new ways to be impactful to people and to help more people, but without creating more noise.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's a billion$27 things that you can buy out on the internet right now.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know about you, but I have quite a few$27 products that I bought that are sitting in my inbox that I don't even know who I bought them from or who created it that is just making more noise, creating more confusion.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I definitely don't want to contribute to that at this point in my career.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so at the end of the day, I'm still coming back to the one-to-one model because it just is so good.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing like having somebody supporting you through your experience.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's priceless and it's precious.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you answered so many questions that I had, which is really trying to paint the picture for anybody listening of what it is like to work with you and how long that typically lasts.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, even in my own career, yeah, people will come back or stay in my world for a really long time.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: And just how you are, I mean, you're somebody that I see as really teaching from what you've been through in that embodiment place and just having so much admiration for you for like, you don't color your hair, you even named on your social media, which it's beautiful, by the way.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, how you were with your best friend and somebody asked if you were their mom.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: And you were just the way that you like worked with that and put it, you know, online for everybody to see.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: I just was like in such admiration for the way that you dealt with that.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um because we don't get a lot of that, like we don't get a lot of like people in the West anyway, just like really embodying their aging or they're stepping into the crone period of time.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I just think that you're doing that really beautifully.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's very important to me.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and don't get me wrong, it's not easy.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely am fantasizing about getting a French bob in Paris and dyeing my hair black, like definitely having that fantasy.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um but authenticity has been what you know has really done it for me.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it it is the best friend energy and like the kind of tell all energy.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: It is a double-edged sword sometimes because sometimes when people think they know you so well, they think they relate to you, and that can that can go two ways.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: People can feel like they relate to you, and then they don't necessarily see me as like a friend, and then they don't necessarily see me as the logical option to hire.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so it can be kind of a double-edged sword, it can become you know somewhat relatable, and then you don't, then you're not necessarily holding this position of, you know, kind of like your hierarchy or your this is why you should hire me vibe.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I I I kind of go back and forth on that a lot.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the truth is, is at the end of the day, uh, I am like you, I am human, and I am actually not relatable, actually, like who I am as a person, my lifestyle, how I live, it actually is not relatable at all.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I just have to be real about stuff.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: You can see it in my hair, you can see it in how I'm aging, the things that I say, the things that I do.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I just feel like maybe it doesn't position me to be, I don't know, the richest person in the room or the person that every single person wants to hire, but I just don't think that I can lose trusting my authentic path.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and that's the thing that so many of us had to learn is it's like learning to just speak to your specific person, your ideal client, the person that's meant to work with you rather than trying to speak to so many people or like really for a lot of us come out of the people pleasing of trying to like have words for everybody and just being more micro-specific about who it is you want to work for.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: And something I was wondering when you were just speaking is um like because you have so much of that I want to be your friend energy, people can also put you on a pedestal a little bit, you know, when they admire you and sort of project onto you like what they think you should be.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: And granted, you're very transparent about who you are, but then when maybe you do something that people get triggered by, they might have a reaction.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just wondering if you ever run into that at all.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: I trigger people.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting concept.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's so funny about that because I just don't I actually am surprised to hear when people feel triggered by me.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Genuinely.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: I had a friend of mine tell me one time, like, well, you know you're really triggering online.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just I'm just me, right?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, maybe it comes with the badge of honor that Aaliy wears or, you know, I guess we can be kind of triggering because we're so willing to be open and we're so willing to be seen.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: We we thrive in being seen.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: And we genuinely believe we should be seen, right?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I genuinely believe that I have important ideas to share, messages to share, wisdom to share.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: I genuinely believe that it's important for me to be like this.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't actually encounter too much face-to-face triggering where people come back to me and say something.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm really proud of like my track record when it comes to clients.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I can count on less than one hand a few moments in my career over the last 10 years where something has really greatly changed, where I am no longer in the life of somebody that I worked with.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it is actually really heartbreaking when you know you do get to a point with someone where it is no longer aligned for whatever reason.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, what happens a lot in my world is I hold you to an incredibly high standard because I hold myself to an incredibly high standard.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like a almost like I really need to give myself a little bit of a break.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the standard is very high, and this can work beautifully with clients because you're gonna come through and you're gonna you're gonna do miraculous things.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Your life is gonna completely change.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: I have no doubt about what the transformation availability is when you come fully into working with me.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's a portal, it's a dojo, you know, and not everybody can take themselves to that place.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so usually when there is a triggering moment that leads to something that you know turns out to be irreconcilable differences, it's usually because people hire you and they're attracted to you because they see something in themselves.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: They you help them to believe in something in themselves, they see something of resonance, and that's that's what really pulls people in to actually choosing you to be the one that they want to work with.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And when they don't reach that potential, there's shame that comes in, there's embarrassment, there's blame sometimes that comes in, sometimes people want to turn on you.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I've been through that process a couple of times where people have really ultimately been upset and disappointed in themselves, but then mirrored that relationship with me.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's really hard to go through, especially if you're the type of person out there who's thinking about working to with one-to-one people and you are really gonna go there in the relationship.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's deep.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's super uh deep.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why a lot of people don't go that deep with their clients and don't have that availability.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it is more transactional.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: It is, you know, we hang up the call at the 60-minute mark.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we have the boundaries, we we just have this professional relationship with people.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I held very, very strong professional boundaries in my business for many years, and that was important for me to learn that in regards to my own respect for my own space and my energy and time.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: But now I'm loosening up my boundaries.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: A lot and uh letting people be more fluid with me and be more relational with me.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um all of that to say, let me wrap that in, you know, when a trigger does happen, when a break does happen, it's honestly devastating for me.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it does happen though, because not everybody is on the same trajectory and not everybody takes their life to where they wish that it could be.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that can be a really sad process for someone.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's an honor to hold people in that place, and it is a great challenge to hold that space while that's happening when it is something that is heartbreaking for the person.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: It can be so heartbreaking.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, again, you're somebody that I've just always known to have a very clear yes and a clear no and to trust that implicitly.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I know I've, you know, I've haven't had to deal with it too much in 24 years, which I think is pretty amazing.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: But like I had had that happen with a couple of clients who typically were the ones that I gave more to.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like where I was already like overgiving in some way, and then it was a reflection back to me, like, you know, this is the lesson that you need to learn in that.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: But it is like really painful to have people project that stuff onto you when you've given them so much, and then they come back and want to blame you for some things.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I guess in your introduction, also what stood out to me was how you are working to bring more pleasure back into your work.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: And that surprised me a little bit because I also don't see you or haven't perceived you in these last many years as not having that.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: I've never known you to not have pleasure in your life.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: So if you want to talk about that, I do.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was just recording, I'm recording a EP right now called The Great Change.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I just recorded an episode yesterday about pleasure.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm in a new direction, if you will.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um technically it's a pivot, but it's a continuation of the path, is how I see it.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I'm working with four pillars just now as the foundation for my work identity, self-concept, pleasure, and your power as a creator.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think a lot of people are surprised to hear that I'm trying to infuse more pleasure into my life because I'm a very passionate woman and I I definitely live a life that is devouring in the way that I want it to.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I travel, I I date, I love, I dress, I dine, I have a very pleasurable life in so many ways.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: But when I think back to the last 10 years and how I built my business and kind of the things that I went through that, you know, triggered different levels of success in my business, I built like a power horse.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a lot of masculine energy that has been very beneficial to me.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um I've just been like heads head down, all in, like I'm doing this.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's something that I'm the most proud of is that I literally just made a decision one day that I was gonna somehow figure out how to make a business doing what I love.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: And at that time, what I loved was creating really cool parties for people.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I'm gonna figure this out and I'm gonna get in the online world and I'm gonna learn how to get clients and do all the things.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I did it.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I did it through, you know, relentless devotion, 14-hour days, stopped hanging out with friends, radically changed my life, um, invested so much money in ways I feel like I've invested, I've made hundreds of thousands of dollars in my business, a lot of success with money.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: I've invested almost all of it back into my business, into my education, into my training, like in ways when I get with my bookkeeper, it's like, wow, that's interesting.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: Did I make any money?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's interesting, you know.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I've had huge milestones, hundred dollar, hundred thousand dollar launches, like you know, huge milestones that people that are very rare, that only the top 2% of people in the industry have.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that is my character.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very loyal, I'm very devoted, and I will do the thing no matter what.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: If I tell you I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that for me, through the years, meant sacrificing sleep.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it meant not really having time for a relationship, which meant maybe not having as much pleasure or intimacy.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it meant denying myself things because I had a$2,000 payment to a coach that I needed to pay.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and I and I saw over the years where I was really prioritizing everything around my business to the detriment also, with some regret that I'm processing now, to the detriment of some of my relationships, my home, my household, my relationship with my son.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there was definitely sacrifices that I made to have the success that I had.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't have regret, but I would like to do it differently this time.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: So now as I'm rebuilding, I actually have like a new brand name.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't put that out into the world yet, but a lot of it is based on pleasure.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been spending the last few years frequenting Paris, which is, as you guys already heard, is my favorite city.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: And what Paris does for me is it's the first place that invited me to actually sit down and in and enjoy the experience.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how I'm building now.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm choosing to take a nap.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's little things, but I'm choosing to take a nap.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm choosing to go to bed instead of spending four more hours working on my business.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying no to things.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing things that I really want to do.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: This this pivot, this pivot was very, very hard for me because I am steering away from the thing that I was building that I thought was going to be my empire.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: I I created a certification program for psychedelic facilitators.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought that this was going to be the thing that was full cent for me, like my apex, like my thing that was going to do the most for the world.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I put everything that I had into it.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um it was very beautiful while I was running it and experiencing it.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: And what was happening for me internally was I was starting to change my mind on it.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: But that was embarrassing for me because I believe in loyalty.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't believe in burning down your business.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: I actually, for a long time, had a lot of judgment for people when I would hear them burning down their businesses.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like, how could you do that?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: How could you're not reliable, you know, and I'm a loyal, reliable person, right?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was building this thing that was meant to last.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: It was designed to be an educational system that turned into an affiliation.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: So a business that supported people in their training and then also was a globally known database and a membership and an affiliation for people to have this space to be.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to create something for people to feel like they could be part of it.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I started feeling like it wasn't aligned for me anymore, and I was seeing resistance, like big time resistance, where I was starting to not like recognize myself.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I started thinking like, okay, something's wrong with me.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't have what it takes anymore.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was really looking at myself and trying to see what I was doing wrong.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and this kind of led me into what I would call a vibrational loop for two years.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: My income collapsed.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm talking like multi-hundred thousand dollars of years, a year collapse, you know.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was harder for me to get clients.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing was making sense.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: And my business was based in the psychedelic industry, which was also giving me a lot of issues with algorithm, with censorship.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: I had my Stripe account deleted and shut down, and all my money held, like just really rough things were happening.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I was internalizing it as a failure, and I was beating myself up, and my confidence was affected, my self-esteem was affected, all the things that built me were shaky now.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: And this dropped me into a really, really dark place.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I now understand that an invitation was coming for me to choose something else for myself.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: And part of what didn't feel aligned for me anymore about that work is my identity became my work in the psychedelic field.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that is such a huge part of me, but it is not all of me.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: I barely even participate in psychedelic experiences.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: I understood the assignment.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of experience in it throughout the years, but it's not my identity.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Consciousness expansion is what I'm here for.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Psychedelics are an incredible tool for that, but so is taking a trip to Europe.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I love the quantum field, you know, quantum leaping.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's really about the human, and psychedelics are a tool for that, but it became my identity and it became a box for me.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't like that and it didn't feel good anymore.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: And who knows, there's probably some other reasons why it wasn't aligned.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, I've thought about it a lot.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of theories on you know why the exit has reached me for this, but I wanted to do things that I liked more, I wanted to allow myself to evolve.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, for many years I never talked about traveling.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: Traveling is a bigger part of my life than psychedelics, but I didn't talk about it for years, and now I talk about it and I share my travels, and it's what I love to do.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love to explore, I love to learn about myself in new places, I like to quantum leap around the world.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: I still love to, you know, participate in psychedelic experiences and mind-altering experiences, but it's just part of the experience.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, this pivot when I say I'm bringing more pleasure in, I'm letting myself do exactly what I want to do now and not hold myself to a commitment that I think that I have to hold because I said that I would.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that's been a great unlearning for me.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: And learning how to trust myself to allow myself to do what I want.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's weird because you would look at me and you would think like she does what she wants, and I very much say that I do that I what I want, and I do, but not without a very deep internal process and not without really thinking about things, really weighing the option, and really looking at how I'm gonna be affecting everything and everyone around me.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: I I believe that my download came from God, literally, to build my psychedelic certification program.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like I got the download when I was on the treadmill on New Year's Day at three in the morning, and God was like, You're going to create a psychedelic certification program.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, No, the fuck I'm not.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I sat on that for like eight months, and so I was like, God, I was I I'm supposed to do this.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: I've been given this plan, this mission, and choosing to go a different way felt incredibly selfish, and pleasure for me historically has felt selfish.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm not allowed to have it, or like I'm not allowed to do it.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was talking about this in the podcast episode that I was recording last night, like to break it down for you.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: I've had this is like a very intimate thing to share, but like to break it down for you, I've caught myself asking my partners if it's okay for me to have an orgasm.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that so much just showcases my relationship to me feeling like I'm allowed to have pleasure how I want it, when I want it, and why I want it.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that it's surprising looking at me, but this is like a revolution for myself to go this route.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I'm doing things also to give myself pleasure, like just prettier candles and more naps, and you know, like being better to my body and having a more enjoyable experience in my body while I'm, you know, working or building and just like the actual aspect of that.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm just in a phase where I'm in midlife.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: I just turned 47 years old.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: I had a psychic tell me once that my true success is not gonna arrive until I'm 50.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: And at that time when I was told that I was very frustrated by that news.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: But where I'm sitting at now, I'm like, that's right on track.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like the way I'm building now and what I want, and how I want to work with women, and how I want to be spending my time with women, it's it's feeling so good, like almost guilty in a way, but I'm I'm just I'm I'm so lit up.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that's that's how I can explain this pursuit of putting more pleasure into my life.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: It really boils down to I'm letting myself do what I actually want for myself first and allowing that impact to go through me and now impact the world without prioritizing the mission and everything outside of me first, and leaving the last of what's left for me at the end.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's wild.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: There are so many pieces that I'm curious about in what you just said, which was like, one, do you think that that was burnout for you when you hit that place two years ago?
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: Because there is an alchemy that comes from burnout hormone changes, and then just like the spiritual or energetic lessons that need to come through in those uncomfy ways where you're like, This is not who I thought I was.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: This is really uncomfortable.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: You're having to learn how to hold yourself and changing your mind, which was not something that you respected or maybe even had ever done before for something so big.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, I just know that this time of life for us, because we're about the same age, is just so powerful because we're expected to do so much, but like we're going through so much internally.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so, not just from the, you know, outside, but like, you know, I know what's going on in the biochemistry when we're going through this, and then you add stress or you add, you know, like the depth that you have in your own spirit and your soul, and just like how that came through.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: Do you feel like you were burned out?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_02: And also such a big fan of naps, like especially as a Leo lion, like naps.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_02: I have to help people rope reprogram all the time.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like naps are productive, they help you be more creative and softer and clear thinking, you know what I mean?
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_02: And and you just heal in your sleep, like it can be easy.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: You can just take a nap, and especially you living in Paris now.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the European way, even though Paris is busy and full of life, it's like you do sit in the day for just hours and you know, watch people.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_02: So I know that was a lot to bring in, but like, do you feel like you were at burnout plus hormone changes, plus just those spiritual activations needing to come through of I believe our big growths come through, you know, like when we are facing that kind of shadow within ourselves.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely think it was burnout.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I wasn't identifying with it at the time.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I slept for about 20 years of my life, honestly.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um I remember just for the yeah, you know, just for the lifestyle.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I can remember, you know, I'm a projector and I'm I have a limited resource of energy, and I didn't know that.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I I always kind of needed naps.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember this is actually one of the biggest fights that I used to have in my marriage, is I would always be needing to like take a nap.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: And my husband, my now ex-husband, just could not get behind that, you know, and I can remember like setting alarms, like multiple alarms, like wanting to take a nap while he was at work and setting multiple alarms to make sure that I would wake up before he would come home because I couldn't like go through the experience of feeling that shame, whether he was consciously shaming me or subconsciously shaming me, it's like shame was there, right?
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was shaming myself because that was my husband and I loved him and I didn't want him to be judging me, you know.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I was literally needing naps, and I didn't understand at that time that my literal energetic design requires naps, right?
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: So it definitely was burnout, but I didn't know.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I had gone through a lot.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: I had an incredible tragedy happen in my family in 2020.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, something that is just unrelatable.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've never met anybody who could relate to what I went through with my family.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, most people, in my experience, kind of let trauma take them out.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: The most that I hear people talking about trauma, I hear them talking about it from a blocked place, how they still need to heal, or they're blocked, or they're still processing.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: I had the opposite effect in my life happen when the greatest trauma in my life happened.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: I took that and I ran with it.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: And my business boomed.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's when I like came off the page and came to life, started making a ton of money, started making an impact, started, you know, building my platform.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, in hindsight, was there some escapism there?
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: Probably, because I was just trying to live through this horrific experience that my family was having and that we're still actually having.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I was just trying to live, and I was trying to live for the people in my family as well, because this experience took everyone in my family out.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I had so much guilt around wanting to continue to live and not only live but thrive.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my family's dealing with this incredible trauma at home, and I'm like going to Tulum to host a luxury psychedelic retreat for women.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like the duality was thick and it was heavy, and I really had to learn to choose myself and my mission while still honoring my responsibilities and my family.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so I pushed and I grew and I was having success, and there were so many good times and so many good things, and but there was still a lot.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, I hold a lot, you know, my capacity, and just because you have the capacity doesn't mean it's good that you hold a lot, right?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I have a capacity to hold a lot, and this has also become a superpower in my mentorship, in my way that I work with my people, because when you come in to work with me and you're like, but this, but this, but this, but this, I'm like, but you can, you know, lean in, transmute this, move this, find a bigger purpose.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I really help people blast through a lot of their trauma and their restrictions and their blocks.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, and ultimately did lead to burnout, and I was operating at a very, very high level with not much support.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I mean, of course, it was it was burnout and and and so many other things, just literal physical burnout.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know how much my hormones were involved at that time.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone kept telling me my hormones were fine and I was fertile as a fig.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I digress, obviously, I'm 47.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: We all know we're changing, right?
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a good thing that my life shifted.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great thing, although it was hard, it was frustrating, it was embarrassing, it was very stressful.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um thank God that it shifted because.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I would have I would be living a really unhealthy life at this point with still a lot of beauty and happiness and success.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't think I would have ever pivoted to get to where I know I'm headed now.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: I already know how to do it because I've already done it before.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: And now I get to do it in a way that is gonna be so much more healthy and enjoyable and pleasurable.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: And this is so exciting for me personally and also for everyone that I get to work with because I infuse my experience and in my way into everything that I do with my clients.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so excited for all of us.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's so much that I could say to that.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I just want to name the way the light is coming through now on to you.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's like literally the sun is shining as you were telling that story and how you've come into be where you're at in this moment, which is no big deal when you have to face some shame within yourself.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm shocked that you're a projector, right?
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like that I am shocked too.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_02: Before we knew about human design, like I never would have thought you were a projector.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: I would have thought you were a generator like me or an MG.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so it's everyone is like that you there must be a mistake.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because it's wild that you could push through knowing all that you've done.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_02: My daughter, Ponya, is a professor, and she's always needed naps.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it was very an quiet time after big out in the world.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_02: And it was just very helpful as her parent to learn her design.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, it's shocking to me.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, I just of the ways that I know you, like, even to name that you were burned out, right?
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's not probably a word you even connected to or or whatever.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: But I think to be able to speak from this place now and teach from this place is just like such a gift for yourself, and then what you can offer all the people who come to you.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to thank you so much for your time.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_02: I want to thank you for being here.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_02: I just have so much respect and admiration for you, and um, it's been such a pleasure to share this moment and time with you.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Krishna.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy for our friendship and for this invitation.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um I just love you a lot, and it's amazing to watch how you're changing in your work and going in new directions and opening up to more things.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_01: You've made such an impact in the underground world without the internet, and I can only imagine how many people are going to benefit from your work and and your mission now that you're opening up to the world in the way that you are.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really excited for you.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me today.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, love.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_01: All right, thank you.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's a wrap on today's episode of Stories from the Lost and Found.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_02: If something here resonated with you, the best thing you can do is share it.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: Send this to someone who really needs to hear it.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: And if you are ready to go deeper, I would love to support you.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_02: Download my free workbook.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: It walks you through your own subconscious blocks.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: You can find that link in the show notes.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: Or if you're ready for a real shift, book a free strategy call and let's figure out what is keeping you from moving forward.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'll see you next week.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: Your next breakthrough is closer than you think.