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Why Can’t I Stop Worrying, Being Anxious, and Having Catastrophic Thinking? · Breaking Our Borders

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Breaking Our Borders podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Michelle Border.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever wish you could stop worrying, feeling anxious, or having catastrophic thinking?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: And after 15 years of counseling and healing work, it still happens to me.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to talk about what each of these topics mean, what happens in our brain when we do them, and how we can learn to control them to have a healthier mindset.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get started talking about all of that right now.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Small levels of worry and anxiety are perfectly normal and typically pass when the issue that caused the worry or anxiety is solved.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: An example would be worrying that you will have enough money to pay the bills out of your next paycheck.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Once you get your paycheck and the bills are successfully paid, then that worry goes away.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: You may feel some anxiety between the thought about the bills and getting them paid, but again, once the issue is solved, your anxiety goes away.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: But for some of us, worry and anxiety isn't always that simple and controls our thoughts most of the time.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Worrying means that you are making a mental attempt to solve a problem or prepare for a bad outcome, but without a clear solution, the thought often gets stuck in a loop of repetitive thoughts of what am I going to do about this?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: These thoughts can repeat endlessly until the problem is solved.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind plays out what-if ideas, usually imagining worst-case outcomes for things that have not happened yet.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can worry about actual problems like paying a bill or purely hypothetical events like a disaster that is very unlikely to occur.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Short-term worrying is normal and mentally healthy.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It helps us prepare for what needs to be taken care of.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: However, it becomes unhealthy when it lingers in our minds and affects our daily life.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: When we worry, our brain is triggering several parts to engage in verbal problem solving, low-level threat alarms, and to release stress hormones.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: These actions are triggered to help us solve the problem we are thinking about before it becomes worse.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: When worry lingers, it can turn into anxiety.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: While worry is the thought that you are having about an issue or situation.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety is a natural human emotion of fear, unease, and concern that triggers the body's fight or flight response.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like worrying, there is a healthy level of anxiety.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety lets us know if we are in danger, helps us focus, and gives us energy to finish a task that needs completed, and means we care about something happening in our life so we will plan ahead to prevent future conflicts.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it can also become a chronic mental health disorder when it is excessive and hard to control.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety is not just mental thoughts, but also physical feelings of fast heartbeat and rapid breathing, muscle tension and shaking, trouble sleeping and staying calm, and constant worry or a sense of dread.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Prolonged anxiety can lead to mental issues of generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, and phobias.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: When worry becomes excessive, feelings of anxiety take over.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: During anxiety, our brains have heard the worry so much that it starts to misinterpret it as a danger.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now the brain is triggering parts to signal danger, then releasing stress hormones, and searching memory for similar situations of danger from the past that fuels the original worrying thought.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: These actions can lead to irrational thoughts, panic attacks, and physical discomfort.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: As worry and anxiety continue, they can turn into catastrophizing thoughts.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Catastrophizing is a way to control anxious thoughts by thinking the absolute worst so that bad things can be prepared for before they happen.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: These thoughts, though, are most often highly unlikely and irrational.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: For all humans, not knowing the future feels unsafe.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the brain uses worst-case thoughts to feel prepared, even though it only increases the stress.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Humans naturally pay close attention to negative signs to survive danger, which can get stuck in overdrive during stress.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Catastrophizing can become a controlling habit for those who have had long-term exposure to preparing for dangerous situations like traumatic experiences of abuse, war, or disasters.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: People who have survived childhood trauma often feel all of these things constantly.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: During childhood, they lived a life of constant danger of the abuse they endured.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like anything we don't enjoy, our brains will look for ways to protect us and find happiness.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Abuse is typically not a scheduled event and happens sporadically.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Children do not know when it will occur and often what will cause it.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, their brain is almost always on alert for the abuse.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: They will worry if it's going to happen again, when it may happen, and what caused it to happen in the past.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: If the abuse happens often, then the child's brain goes into overdrive trying to prepare for the danger.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: This constant worry quickly leads to feelings of anxiety.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: They will feel physical feelings of muscle tension, upset stomach, and being on edge from the worry of the abuse happening again.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: These feelings may ease a little if they are not around the abuser, but can intensify when the abuser is around.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: The worry and anxiety can lead to the child then developing catastrophic thoughts in an attempt to prepare themselves from the unpredictable danger of abuse.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: This type of thinking can lead to what-if thoughts.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: What if the abuser is mad when they get home today?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: What if they hit me again?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or what if they say bad things to me?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: How should I respond so they don't get angry and hurt me again?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it this way.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you are in a jungle, alone and without anything but the clothes on your back.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: As you walk through the jungle, you see a tiger nearby.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is close, but it doesn't see you.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Your body is on alert.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Your fight or flight responses have kicked in.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You start frantically thinking about what to do to prevent that tiger from attacking you.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine you are in that jungle for your whole childhood, knowing that the tiger is out there and could attack you at any moment.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: You would worry every day that the tiger may find you.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: You would become anxious when you ventured out into the jungle for fear that the tiger would see or hear you.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you may start to imagine what you would do to try to save yourself if the tiger did attack.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The tiger will always be on your mind because it is a danger to your safety.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is similar to what children enduring abuse and neglect experience.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: They know they could be attacked at any moment.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: They worry about how bad the attack will be.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: They become anxious when they see the attacker.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And when alone, think about what they can do to prevent future attacks.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: The difference is you were not attacked by the tiger, but traumatized children have been attacked.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Their safety has been compromised, and they spend a lot of time thinking about how to prevent the attack from happening again.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Worry, anxiety, and catastrophizing become learned behaviors of a childhood trauma survivor and are carried into adulthood.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes a normal way of living and thinking and can develop into severe hypervigilance, anxiety disorders, and physical ailments.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: At the moment, they feel like they are preparing so that more bad things won't happen, but they are really suffering in advance.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes, what we worry or get anxious about doesn't happen, but we take comfort in being prepared for the worst.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Childhood trauma survivors experienced a lot of bad things, and they learned quickly that bad things were going to happen sooner or later.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Since they had no way to control what was going to happen, they could control the prevention of it by thinking about possible ways to not make it happen again.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Our brain's main job is to keep us safe and plan for survival at any cost.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It will do many things to keep us safe, even thinking of worst-case scenarios to prepare us for the possible danger.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is an adaptation our brain has made to prevent future danger.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: When your childhood was unpredictable, your brain learned that expecting the worst increased your chances of surviving without being hurt further.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is a natural logical process for our brain to take when involved in trauma.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is that our brain doesn't know how to stop this pattern when we are no longer in danger.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: The brain gets stuck in a pattern of thinking that is always in danger and needs to prepare for how to handle the danger to be safe in the future.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Worrying, anxiety, and catastrophizing have become the default setting of the brain.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, these methods won't stop the trauma.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it is the only thing the brain knows to do to protect us from any type of danger, especially as a child who lacks control over their experiences.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do we stop these patterns of worry, anxiety, and overthinking of worst-case scenarios?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Part of the problem is that the brain has connected the danger with the body and its functions.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma will affect the brain and body to register everything as a traumatic event.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Worry, anxiety, and catastrophizing become the go-to way to handle everything.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because as a child, that's all you knew how to do.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Think of it like this: a smoke detector is used to alert us when the house is on fire.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: But what if the smoke detector went off every time the room just gets warmer?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: When we turn the oven on, or if smoke from a candle being lit is sensed?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: It is overly signaling danger that is not there just because it senses something similar to the heat and smoke of a fire.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Our brain does the same thing when the past involves trauma.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: It is on high alert when it no longer needs to be.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: To turn down the high alerts, we need to first acknowledge that we are worrying, have anxiety, which includes feelings of stress, being jittery, sick to our stomach, feeling like we need to run, among many other physical feelings, or we are having catastrophizing thoughts.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Once we have recognized that is what we are doing, we need to remind ourselves that we are not in the past traumatic experiences of danger.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: We are in new situations that may not have as harsh outcomes as the ones from our past.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask yourself, what is really happening?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Are you worried you won't have enough money to pay the bills?
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Are you anxious about doing a good job at work?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Are you catastrophizing that your partner's going to leave you after a small disagreement?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Once you look at what the problem is that is causing you distress, ask yourself if you have been in this type of situation before?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Have you worried about having enough money to pay the bills before?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Were you anxious in the past about doing a good job at work?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Have you catastrophized that your partner's going to leave you after other disagreements?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then think about how those situations were resolved.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Did you find a way to pay the bills before?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get a positive response from your boss on your performance in the past?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Did you and your partner work out past disagreements and end up feeling stronger in your relationship?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Regardless of your answers, the point I'm trying to make is no matter what the situation was, you handled it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if you didn't like the way you handled it in the past, then look at it as a way to improve those types of situations in the future.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever the result of any situation, worry, anxiety, and catastrophizing didn't fix the situation.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Your actions did.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: You did it, and you learned how to do it better.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: For many childhood trauma survivors, self-doubt is a problem.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is a border created in our minds that we use coping mechanisms to overcome.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it was subconsciously taught or flat out stated by the parent, these children feel like they are not capable of making healthy, strong decisions in their lives or being able to control the trauma they are experiencing.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is where the worry, anxiety, and catastrophizing comes in as a coping skill to manage these negative feelings of not being capable of handling problems.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let me interject here and say, no child should have to handle the trauma they endured.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And these coping mechanisms created are perfectly normal ways of handling something so awful.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: But as adults, it is beneficial to find a healthier way of managing our past trauma.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Think about what decisions and actions you have had as an adult that have been positive and beneficial to your life.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to worry about paying the bills, think about how many times you have paid the bills, all on your own.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you get anxious about whether or not you're doing well enough at your job.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Think about all the times your boss liked your work, awards you received, or compliments from coworkers about your performance.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you are catastrophizing about how your partner might leave you after a disagreement, think about how you worked through other disagreements in the past and all the things they have said about how they love you.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Re-evaluate the situation, looking at it through today's eyes and not the trained eyes of your past that had to prepare for the worst due to trauma.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's another topic I would like to bring up about worrying, anxiety, and catastrophizing.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Research suggests that all of these traits can be inherited or learned.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: While someone may not have experienced childhood trauma, they may have genetics that lean toward or develop behaviors of worry, anxiety, and catastrophizing from their parents because the parent experienced trauma.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: These traits can be passed through genetics or learned behaviors.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Children can inherit thought patterns through brain circuits that process fear and stress, making them prone to worrisome, anxious, or catastrophizing behavior.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Chemical tags on DNA can be passed to children from their parents that increase the vulnerability of these behaviors.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Children can also pick up on learned behaviors of the parents and how they relate to stress.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: How the parents talk about, react to, or process stressful situations can show their children how to behave when they endure stress.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Children absorb their parents' behaviors, verbal statements, and reactions as ways to cope with the world around them, often unknowingly to the parent.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is not unlikely that someone who did not experience any form of trauma can have problems with worrying, anxiety, or catastrophizing due to being exposed to their parents' issues with these traits.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you have issues with excessive worry, anxiety, or catastrophizing, due to your own trauma or the learned behavior of your parents, it is an unhealthy way to process thoughts and often only intensifies your feelings of stress.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you are not defined by the trauma you endured or the behaviors you learned from your parents.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: You are capable of handling life situations in healthy ways and have likely been doing so for a long time.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: The coping mechanism of worrying, feeling anxious, or catastrophized thinking is keeping you from recognizing how well you are handling life.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Worry, anxiety, and catastrophic thinking often makes us believe that every shadow is something dangerous.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Healing from this doesn't mean pretending danger doesn't exist.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: It just means we learn to carry a flashlight, to shine light on the situation, instead of assuming every dark corner is dangerous.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to eliminate uncertainty, it's to build enough confidence in yourself that uncertainty no longer controls you.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: I will post a journal prompt on my website about worrying, anxiety, and catastrophic thinking that can help you sort through this coping mechanism and find a way to healthier thinking.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: You can find that at breakingarborders.com.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you can catch yourself the next time you worry about something, feel anxious, or start to catastrophize your thoughts, and can change that thinking into focusing on the positive things you have accomplished so that you can see you don't need those negative thoughts after all.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening today, and I hope you will join me again next week as I continue to talk about borders that need to be broken down in our minds.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have a wonderful week.