Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / How To Go On A First Date With Someone From A Dating App

Transcript

How To Go On A First Date With Someone From A Dating App · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:07
  Psych mom show, today, we're going to be talking about how to
• 0:12
  go on a first date with somebody that you met online dating,
• 0:15
  which is very applicable to many of my listeners who are going
• 0:21
  back onto the dating market after divorce.
• 0:23
  So, this is a large contingent of who listens to me, as well as
• 0:27
  people who are contemplating divorce and wondering, what this
• 0:30
  would be like to get back out there, but before A, we jump
• 0:36
  into that, I wanted to, of course, tell everybody to
• 0:39
  subscribe. My number of subscribers is
• 0:42
  mounting, and the most recent one was on unconditional love,
• 0:46
  which is as I said, essential listening for anybody, in an
• 0:49
  intimate relationship, who yearns for unconditional love,
• 0:52
  which is pretty much everybody. Those of y'all who are like,
• 0:55
  now, like I totally understand if she would want to leave me if
• 0:58
  I gained weight, because I want to leave her.
• 1:00
  If she gained weight. Y'all are like lying.
• 1:04
  Nobody He wants a partner who would be like yeah if he gained
• 1:09
  some weight or if he lost his job or if he stopped being like
• 1:13
  you know funny he wanted to a depression my ass would be out
• 1:16
  the door and that's just should be cool.
• 1:18
  No. Nobody that does not anybody's
• 1:21
  deep desire that maybe like a pragmatic semi-detached stance
• 1:25
  that you've cultivated as a result of being burned and prior
• 1:29
  relationships and or an avoidant attachment style, which is
• 1:32
  rooted in your family of origin. So, About that, and listen to
• 1:37
  the subscriber, only podcast as well as 53 others, I think, and
• 1:42
  more coming all the time. As I said, I'm going to be doing
• 1:44
  those every fourth instead of every fifth.
• 1:47
  So to give you more bang for your buck, it's only six bucks a
• 1:50
  month. So bang for your six box,
• 1:54
  anyhow. So I got a question.
• 1:56
  Somebody is a female member of my Facebook group.
• 1:59
  My Facebook group is a cool place to chat with other smart
• 2:02
  psychologically minded people. And it's also fun and she asked
• 2:09
  like you're going online dating. And if you're talking to
• 2:12
  somebody online and then you meet up in person, like how do
• 2:15
  you deal with those Jitters? The first time who picks where
• 2:18
  to go? Like, how do you decide?
• 2:20
  What to do? Blah, blah blah, right?
• 2:21
  All the same questions that people have when they're jumping
• 2:24
  into online dating for the first time.
• 2:26
  And if you're one of those people who says you don't want
• 2:29
  to do online dating, that's cool.
• 2:31
  It's your funeral, you know? But as a parent you don't have A
• 2:35
  lot of time. So really examine those
• 2:38
  preconceptions about online dating.
• 2:40
  This is not the eHarmony of, you know, 1999 like this is not what
• 2:45
  we're talking about. Like I would say 95% of single
• 2:48
  people that want to be dating or on the apps.
• 2:50
  So you really cutting yourself off from a vast pool of
• 2:53
  potential you know, like-minded potential Partners.
• 2:59
  But I mean if you just want to meet people out like grocery
• 3:01
  store. Cool.
• 3:02
  We also live in a society where if you're a man, you approach As
• 3:05
  a woman at the grocery store, you might, you know, like get
• 3:08
  arrested. So really think about these
• 3:10
  things people. So if you're having like a nice
• 3:14
  online back and forth, I'm just going to do the woman first.
• 3:17
  So the majority of women that I speak to, Okay?
• 3:21
  100% of the women that I speak to want to feel pursued and
• 3:25
  desired, then you're like asking a man out, why don't be stupid?
• 3:31
  Like I told you this in the don't split a check on the first
• 3:33
  date, don't I check on the first date.
• 3:36
  I have a whole podcast about that so I don't really need to
• 3:38
  go into that the specific one in depth.
• 3:42
  But you want a man to take care of you don't split the check on
• 3:45
  the first date, right? Because you like he's not even
• 3:48
  taking care of the first date. How's he gonna take care of you
• 3:50
  later on? You want to set precedents, you
• 3:53
  want to, if you're a woman who wants to be pursued, why is your
• 3:57
  as asking him out? He can ask you out and if he
• 4:00
  doesn't ask you out within a few days, fuck them.
• 4:03
  Right. Refer back to To my podcast most
• 4:06
  recently on you know how not to give a shit, what people think
• 4:10
  of you and the Mantra, I taught you, fuck these people right?
• 4:14
  If he doesn't ask you out I guess you wasted a couple of
• 4:17
  hours of chatting big shit. It's better than being in a
• 4:20
  relationship with a man who doesn't make plans and then
• 4:24
  you're going to be like, oh, I realize from the very first time
• 4:27
  I had to make the plans, I had to ask about so don't get into
• 4:31
  that pattern. Don't go out with a man that you
• 4:34
  have to ask. About your not being proactive,
• 4:36
  and forward and empowered, you are basically setting up a
• 4:40
  dynamic, where you're saying, I am somebody who will make the
• 4:44
  plants. So the guy is, if he's a guy who
• 4:48
  doesn't like to make plans, he just thinks he hit the jackpot.
• 4:51
  Awesome, she'll make the plans. I'm so glad I found somebody who
• 4:54
  agrees, you know, you don't agree but you're probably a
• 4:58
  people-pleaser that is used to putting everybody else's needs
• 5:01
  first. You get that the conversations
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  kind of not going anywhere, so It's Your Role like always to
• 5:07
  move things along. No stop this in its tracks.
• 5:09
  This is probably contributed to the decided faction in your
• 5:12
  first marriage. So really what you got to do is
• 5:15
  wait till they ask you out or the end.
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  Like literally Let Yourself Loose interest if they don't.
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  Because why aren't they what's wrong with them anyway?
• 5:24
  Like this isn't like a fun mystery solved.
• 5:26
  The dysfunctional man. You did this already probably in
• 5:29
  your first marriage. Don't go on, do it in your
• 5:31
  second. So yeah, if he doesn't ask you
• 5:34
  out, it's game over. If he asks you and he's like,
• 5:37
  what do you want to do? You got to think you got to do a
• 5:39
  deep introspection and deep dive about your own personality
• 5:43
  before entering into the dating Market, or at the same time as
• 5:47
  entering into it therapy, can really help people be objective
• 5:50
  about what they want and need. So like, for example, let's say
• 5:53
  you're a woman with small children, you got a babysitter
• 5:56
  for this date, the guy lives in, you know, City and you live in
• 6:00
  the suburbs of the city. So what would you say for the
• 6:03
  first day when he says, what do you want?
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  Do you would say? And I'm just going to sit 90% of
• 6:08
  the women are in the situation. They don't want to Long, ask
• 6:11
  commute to a date when they have a babysitter, but they would
• 6:15
  like to be surprised. However, there's a couple women
• 6:18
  who are like super picky about what they eat and want to kind
• 6:21
  of be in charge of picking so know, thyself.
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  Start. As you mean to go on?
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  So, you could say something like, I would like anything that
• 6:32
  is, you know, ten minute drive for me.
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  More than that, it can really do with the babysitter and if
• 6:38
  they're like, well what about a 30-minute drive for this really
• 6:41
  good restaurant. Oh ready?
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  It's a bad side. It's like wow.
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  Thank you so much for showing me that your fucking difficult so
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  that I can lose interest. Just like my therapist tells me
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  to do not to get involved with difficult men because you set
• 6:56
  one, boundary got one preference in the man can accommodate it.
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  This is not a good sign and if your heartbeat quickens because
• 7:03
  he's being difficult. And girl, you have some shit to
• 7:07
  work on still about being attracted to jerks.
• 7:09
  I have a podcast on what to do if you're attracted to jerk.
• 7:13
  So refer back, by the way, ever, if I mentioned something and you
• 7:18
  don't see that podcast, like you probably didn't subscribe if you
• 7:23
  subscribe. You'll see all of these, if you
• 7:25
  subscribe and you still don't know which podcast I'm referring
• 7:29
  to. When I mentioned a certain
• 7:30
  podcast, email me like I'll know, you know, it's mine.
• 7:35
  King podcast. So, I will know if you're a
• 7:37
  subscriber, you can't find one of the episodes.
• 7:39
  I'm talking about, then feel free to email me info at best
• 7:44
  like, Behavioral Health.com, but anyhow, so you're back to that.
• 7:50
  He won't do something 10 minutes from your house.
• 7:53
  I mean, literally, okay. So let's say you say, 10 minutes
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  from my house, he's like, well, what about this?
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  Awesome restaurant? That's 30 minutes.
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  You could give him the benefit of the of the you no doubt.
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  You could think maybe. Okay.
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  Maybe Really, this is the best restaurant in the world.
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  This man is nervous. He's trying to get me to this
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  best restaurant. So you can say now, I think 10
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  minutes, like I said, if he goes again to the restaurant to that
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  idea, he's a boundary Pusher be done.
• 8:18
  But you know, if he's usually, most guys will be like, okay.
• 8:21
  I'll do this one. 10 minutes from your house if they're like.
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  No. Because I have an early day
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  tomorrow. So you need to come to me.
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  Wrong answer, wrong answer, bad alarm.
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  Bells should be going off. This is not the man you want to
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  be involved with. If if if If you are a woman who
• 8:36
  wants to be prioritized, pursued, and taking care of,
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  because he won't even sacrifice where he's willing to drive to,
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  you know, screw it. You're a woman women need more
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  sleep than men. I could link you to that study,
• 8:47
  don't email me for that one. I mean you know there's some
• 8:50
  ones you could just Google but it's a citation it's real and
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  like really if a man's trying to be mr.
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  Gentleman and Prince Charming. They should be given more of an
• 9:01
  effort in the first date. So sue me, that is what I deeply
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  believe. Eve after working with hundreds
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  and hundreds, hundreds of people that are in this situation where
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  I'm seeing red flag, Factory in the first few days and then it
• 9:14
  turns out, guess what guess who was, right?
• 9:16
  Me, you know about how this guy ends up turning out.
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  Now if you're a man, what should you do on the first date?
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  What you, what have you learned from listening to what women
• 9:25
  should do? You should ask the girl out
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  soon, you don't need a pen pal, that doesn't help.
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  You doesn't help your sex life. Doesn't help your love life to
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  have a pen pal. So in the first two
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  conversation, say we should get a drink, you know?
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  And if she's like no it's fuck it.
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  Right. You don't what they should
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  already in your marriage. You don't need some ambivalence
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  shit. You want a woman who wants to
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  meet you now, if she's like, oh, I can this week because you
• 9:52
  know, my daughter's is graduating.
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  Well, that's a real reason, you know.
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  Okay. Go to next week but don't do
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  this ambiguous right now. I'm very busy right now.
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  No, no, no, you're not that busy.
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  If she's too Too busy to meet you.
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  This is a very bad side, she's not prioritizing dating, she's
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  not going to prioritize a relationship, so then, when you
• 10:12
  ask her out then, say, Oh, do you need something closer to
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  you, or can I just get creative with, you know, with wherever
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  always pick the place? Don't ask her where she wants to
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  eat. Believe me, the women that are
• 10:27
  picky, so picky that they won't go to the restaurant.
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  That you suggest, they'll have no problem telling you, you'll
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  be like, oh, what about this? Awesome Chinese.
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  They look, I hate Chinese. I only eat one type of pizza.
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  It's at this restaurant. And then of course, you do, the
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  implicit male cost-benefit analysis.
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  How hot is, she versus how fucking picky she is, and you
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  make your own individual decision about whether you want
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  to proceed. This is an individual male
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  decision. But, you know, some people don't
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  give a shit, she could be a picky princess but if she's hot
• 10:55
  and she's cute and she's smart, they'll do it.
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  Some men are like, oh yeah, you'll only one kind of pizza.
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  I lived that life in my first marriage.
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  Baby. I'm out.
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  So again, you got Got to know yourself and what you want.
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  How do you act when you get to the first date?
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  There's all this shit about what not to talk about.
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  On a first date. I disagree holy with every
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  single bit of that advice. It is stupid.
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  It's stupid. You don't want to talk about
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  politics on the first day. Oh here's a better idea.
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  Don't talk about it at all. On the third date, have sex and
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  afterwards realize that you are completely different on every
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  deep political and philosophical.
• 11:35
  Safa go idea and feel like shit. It does that sound smart?
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  No, no, it does not sound smart. So if you are somebody who's
• 11:43
  really looking to now, some people are just looking to have
• 11:45
  sex, but if you're really looking to date and by the way,
• 11:49
  if you're really looking to have sex make that clear be ethical.
• 11:52
  I'm not just talking about men either.
• 11:54
  There's plenty of women who are just looking to fuck around
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  literally and guys think that they may be looking for a
• 11:59
  husband, God falls in love with you, turns out you're just
• 12:02
  having fun. No both gin.
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  Anders, if you're just looking to have fun, put it right in
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  your profile. Believe me, if you're only going
• 12:10
  to increase your number of people who go for you that want
• 12:15
  what you want, if you put it out there, right?
• 12:19
  So you just put, just looking for something casual right now,
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  right? Because we, I mean, what I think
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  just from working with people is that even if you're just looking
• 12:28
  for something, casual right now, if you were to meet the perfect
• 12:31
  person of your dreams, you wouldn't be looking for
• 12:33
  something casual with them. So I think everybody's got like,
• 12:36
  you know, 10% chance that they change their minds about looking
• 12:40
  for something casual right now based on who they meet.
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  But so that's why I say right now because that's true, I
• 12:46
  think. But if it's really not true for
• 12:47
  you, if you could meet God knows what some, you know,
• 12:51
  neurosurgeon slash supermodel /, you know, sexual dynamo.
• 12:57
  And this would change your mind about settling down then you say
• 13:00
  right now. But if you wouldn't even that
• 13:02
  person couldn't change your mind.
• 13:03
  Then you say, only looking for fun.
• 13:05
  What makes it very clear. Anyway, but if you're looking
• 13:08
  for somebody, who's going to be your next partner, why shouldn't
• 13:11
  you talk about politics at the first day?
• 13:13
  You want somebody who's politically alive, right?
• 13:16
  It makes sense. It, why wouldn't you talk about
• 13:18
  religion, you want? Somebody is religiously aligned,
• 13:20
  why wouldn't you talk about anything really do things when
• 13:25
  they're like, oh, don't talk about exes.
• 13:27
  That's kind of like to help people who are going to come
• 13:30
  off, crazy what I say as a ther. So it's like you don't talk
• 13:34
  about exes. That's going to turn out to your
• 13:36
  conversation. Being that motherfucker.
• 13:38
  I knew when I married him that he was a piece of shit, but then
• 13:41
  it only got worse. Then you, you have stuff to work
• 13:46
  on my goal as a therapist versus like Cosmo magazine.
• 13:50
  Like how to get, you know, a guy to like you know, I love Cosmo
• 13:53
  magazine, very good, sex tips. Particularly in the 90s for
• 13:57
  young young emerging adult women.
• 13:59
  I'm sure many of my cohort agrees but the point here is I'm
• 14:05
  Not trying to get people to get with people that aren't
• 14:08
  compatible with them. If you are somebody who has so
• 14:11
  much anger toward an ex that you cannot mention, why you got
• 14:14
  divorced on your first date because you will go off onto a
• 14:17
  tangent of Spite and vitriol. That's something to work on
• 14:21
  internally yourself with a therapist.
• 14:23
  The point isn't to make sure that the topic doesn't come up
• 14:26
  so that you don't out yourself as somebody who his still has
• 14:29
  all this animosity. The point is to on a deep level
• 14:31
  Target and heal the animosity before you get onto the Market.
• 14:36
  So you want to really be authentic.
• 14:39
  And genuine, no topics are off the table.
• 14:42
  Be very honest about what you like, what you don't like be
• 14:46
  really honest about where you're at in every which way if you
• 14:50
  start an authentic relationship, right.
• 14:52
  From the first date, the sky is the limit the problems come when
• 14:57
  people are lying in some way on the first date, not an outright
• 15:01
  lie. Not like saying they had, you
• 15:02
  know, one kid may have two kids or some crazy shit.
• 15:05
  It just like lying about who they are as a person and what
• 15:08
  they want. Like a woman pretending to be
• 15:10
  really flexible and laid back when she's not or a man
• 15:13
  pretending to be really into a relationship when he's not or
• 15:18
  vice versa you know. So you want to start as you mean
• 15:21
  to go on and be very authentic and genuine in terms of jitters?
• 15:26
  A guy knows if he wants to sleep with you and if he wants to be
• 15:29
  to pursue anything with you based just on looks in the first
• 15:34
  two seconds. Meeting so as a woman dressed
• 15:37
  like you usually dress when you're trying to look good and
• 15:40
  show up. You know I mean your personality
• 15:42
  is probably not going to tank it if he thinks that you're hot.
• 15:45
  He's probably going to go past a couple of dates anyway because
• 15:49
  that's like, important attraction and chemistry or like
• 15:52
  super important. So if he doesn't like you, if he
• 15:56
  doesn't want a second date, it's mostly either.
• 15:58
  You came off completely batshit crazy or he just wasn't
• 16:02
  attracted to you. Either way, it's like Like why?
• 16:06
  Why care like you're not going to appeal to everybody?
• 16:08
  Everybody's not going to appeal to you.
• 16:10
  You got to think about it, very pragmatically, if you're going
• 16:13
  into the dating Market at this age, you don't want somebody
• 16:16
  who's not attracted to you at first, either to your looks or
• 16:19
  your personality. So, your job is woman is just to
• 16:21
  show up and be yourself, you know, and he's going to decide
• 16:25
  if he's into are not as a man. If you show up, she unless she's
• 16:29
  like, I tell women all the time. Like sure a man could go from
• 16:32
  okay, to handsome based on his person.
• 16:34
  Melody but he's not going to go from Yokota handsome.
• 16:38
  If like a woman is not attracted to you to the point that you
• 16:42
  know, that she's never going to be attracted, no matter how
• 16:44
  brilliant and funny you are, then that's just how it is, you
• 16:48
  know? But as a man, you got more
• 16:50
  wiggle room with your personality, women aren't as
• 16:52
  visually oriented fully. So she could come, she could see
• 16:56
  you and be like, alright he's alright, you know, let's see and
• 16:59
  then you could turn into the great passionate love of her
• 17:01
  life. That does happen based on being
• 17:04
  really. Lee smart, really funny
• 17:06
  etcetera. So if you're a man, you got to
• 17:08
  bring more of your A-game to the person to the conversation.
• 17:11
  No shed. I'm not telling you anything,
• 17:13
  you don't know. And you know, try your best.
• 17:16
  If she doesn't like you, she doesn't like you the whole nerve
• 17:19
  Factor, if it's paralyzing. You got to work on it in
• 17:23
  therapy, but most people at this age, can really just talk
• 17:26
  themselves out of it. Like I'm just going to shoot my
• 17:28
  shot if they don't like me they don't like me.
• 17:30
  So it goes you know somebody will you know, somebody will
• 17:34
  like me. And I could also learn from the
• 17:36
  dates. Now don't be that weirdo that
• 17:38
  like, you know, says to the person afterwards, if the person
• 17:41
  says I'm sorry, I didn't think that there was a, you know,
• 17:45
  spark, a love connection, don't say why some people are even
• 17:49
  like, why what could I have done different?
• 17:51
  No, no, they're not your dating coach.
• 17:52
  If you need dating coaching contact me, I do dating coaching
• 17:56
  with my clients. You don't, you don't want.
• 18:00
  They're not your dating coach, don't ever ask them what you did
• 18:03
  wrong date. If it's a first date, It, you're
• 18:05
  assuming it's something that is mostly related to that.
• 18:08
  They weren't attracted to you. So don't like make them.
• 18:11
  Do the weird awkward work of telling you why that's not
• 18:16
  necessary ever. If it's a relationship of six
• 18:20
  months or something, three months, even, you know, then
• 18:23
  yeah, sure ask them to tell you what you did wrong.
• 18:25
  But if it's just a first date just assumed, they weren't That
• 18:27
  Into You and move on as a man. I think that most women, as I
• 18:32
  said want to be pursued. So I said, I did do something
• 18:35
  near them, pick the restaurant, if they don't like your
• 18:39
  restaurant, they will tell you, you know, don't worry.
• 18:43
  Say what about this? How does that sound?
• 18:45
  Do not ask them to pick a restaurant.
• 18:47
  The majority of women do not want to be the CEO of the date.
• 18:51
  So unless you are somebody who literally, I mean, as I said be
• 18:55
  authentic. So if you're somebody who cannot
• 18:57
  handle picking a restaurant and does not want to work on that
• 19:00
  personality trait, then ask them to pick the restaurant because
• 19:03
  you're being authentic. But if you are either somebody
• 19:06
  who can pick a restaurant and or somebody who wants to actively
• 19:10
  work on becoming somebody who can pick a restaurant, which is
• 19:13
  really a pretty good skill, then pick the restaurant, you know,
• 19:17
  that's how you become it, you practice doing it and show up.
• 19:22
  Generally you should say you look great.
• 19:24
  If you're a man to a woman, if you believe it, if you don't
• 19:27
  believe it, that she looks great.
• 19:29
  You are not going to continue the relationship.
• 19:31
  So then don't say it because then it's like kind of I mean
• 19:35
  you know to say you look great if you don't mean it then you're
• 19:37
  not going to pursue anything. So in the situation where you
• 19:40
  are attracted to her then you could say, you look great even
• 19:44
  like you even better than your pictures that's you know nice to
• 19:47
  say some people think that's like a backhanded compliment
• 19:50
  about their pictures but those people are difficult anyway,
• 19:53
  looking for problems so don't worry about it.
• 19:57
  And you know, start a pretty reasonable interesting
• 20:00
  conversation where you remember to also ask things about the
• 20:03
  woman And if she and if you have a good time, I say being for you
• 20:09
  one that you should try to kiss her at the end.
• 20:12
  Perhaps the people that are 20 years old.
• 20:15
  Believe that this is not good or like non-consensual or
• 20:19
  something. In my experience as a woman
• 20:22
  talking to women constantly about dating women.
• 20:25
  Like, when a guy tries, some women, like when a guy says, can
• 20:28
  you kiss? Can I kiss you?
• 20:30
  Some women just like you to go in for the kiss unless you're
• 20:33
  like a fucking Ninja. It, they know when your head is
• 20:36
  moving closer to them and they have plenty of time to back
• 20:40
  away. This is like your, you know,
• 20:43
  pinning them down and not letting them out.
• 20:45
  So, this is an individual thing. Like, if this is Major, now, if
• 20:52
  you're with a younger woman, like if you're dating, like, I
• 20:54
  don't know. 35 below 30 below. Definitely say.
• 20:57
  Can I kiss you and seem? That seems like that's what to
• 21:00
  do. But, yeah, but like, if you just
• 21:03
  want to try to go in for a kiss, And I don't think anybody is
• 21:06
  going to call the cops, but maybe I'm wrong, you know, if
• 21:10
  somebody has real-world experience, we've tried to kiss
• 21:14
  a woman and they getting, you know, I told that this was
• 21:17
  horrible, then tell me and I will add end this, but in my
• 21:21
  mind I hate that shit. Can I kiss you?
• 21:24
  That's like, so not romantic and it doesn't indicate, I guess I'm
• 21:28
  Different, right? Because I'm a therapist.
• 21:29
  So I'm thinking about all of this as indicative of later how
• 21:33
  it will go. Like, I feel like a lot of
• 21:36
  women, they're like, here we go. It's like, can I kiss you?
• 21:39
  And then it's going to be. Can we have sex?
• 21:42
  Can I, this can we that? It's like, blah blah.
• 21:45
  But like, the whole woman doesn't want to be the CEO thing
• 21:47
  that I want to be in charge, but maybe it could be different, you
• 21:51
  know, for the first kiss or whatever, you know, you'll kind
• 21:54
  of get a sense if the woman has like a lot of guard up and a lot
• 21:57
  of boundaries and that case you got to ask in the case, where a
• 22:01
  woman is flirting with you, touching you laughing at you.
• 22:04
  Jokes getting close to you. Then I feel like you could still
• 22:07
  just try. It's like hilarious, though, to
• 22:10
  be that. I just spend multiple minutes of
• 22:12
  this. This was so different.
• 22:15
  Obviously as you all are aware in previous eras, you know,
• 22:18
  where the guy just tried to kiss you and if you didn't like it,
• 22:21
  you turned your cheek. But you know I'm watching
• 22:23
  reality shows now that I think about it with young people and
• 22:26
  they don't ask so I guess maybe we've gone back to basics there.
• 22:30
  I don't think you have to and then you text them at the after
• 22:34
  Date. And you say that you had a good
• 22:36
  time. If you are the man, if you are
• 22:38
  the woman do not text first don't text first, remember
• 22:42
  they're pursuing you. If you want a pursuer, this is
• 22:45
  how to get a pursuer, don't pursue them because if you
• 22:48
  pursue them, they learn right away that they don't have to
• 22:51
  pursue you and you ask for another date.
• 22:55
  And that's that and so there could of course, be more things
• 22:59
  to go into, you know, right in with your questions.
• 23:02
  If particularly, if you're a subscriber and you have requests
• 23:05
  for other parts of dating that you would like, concrete advice
• 23:08
  on, but this atleast in and of itself should have given you a
• 23:11
  little bit of something to think about how am I coming off.
• 23:14
  Am I being authentic? What are my expectations versus
• 23:17
  how I'm going to want to be treated later?
• 23:19
  And are those consistent and coherent?
• 23:22
  Or am I just kind of bow? Shooting that I'm really like
• 23:26
  laid-back and flexible or whatever and I'm not or whatever
• 23:29
  should give you some stuff to introspect about if you're on
• 23:31
  the dating market and I will talk to everybody soon and not
• 23:36
  really much more I could say about the online first date
• 23:39
  without further feedback about specific issues that plague.
• 23:44
  You I myself am always up to working individually with people
• 23:48
  on this. It's part of my therapy.
• 23:52
  I mean, if somebody's dating, this is a lot of shit we do.
• 23:55
  Is go through, like the texts of the messages.
• 23:57
  I like what happened on the date of the play-by-play and all of
• 24:00
  this. All right, talk to you all soon.
• 24:02
  Have a great day.