Latest / 🎙️ Rebuild & Fulfill Real conversations on burnout, rebuilding, and becoming stronger than before. / What If You're Stronger Than You Think? | Episode 24
Transcript
- Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: What if the greatest lessons about living came from almost dying? My guest today has survived multiple death and near-death experiences, endured more than 70 surgeries, lives with paralysis and chronic spinal pain, and yet continues to lead businesses, raise a family, and inspire people with one simple message. It's always too soon to quit. But here's what really caught my attention while preparing for today's conversation. Jay doesn't want to spend his time talking about everything he's survived. He wants to talk about what he's learned. Because eventually, every one of us will face adversity. It may not look like Jay's. It may be a diagnosis, a divorce, losing someone we love, a business that falls apart, a dream that never materializes, or simply waking up one day wondering how you're supposed to keep going. That question isn't whether adversity is coming. The question is Who will we become because of it? Today we're talking about resilience, faith, purpose, personal responsibility, and discovering the strength that's already inside every one of us. This is rebuild and fulfill. Welcome back to Rebuild and Fulfill, the podcast where we have real conversations about adversity, rebuilding, resilience, and becoming stronger because of life's toughest moments. I'm your host, Kelsey Dunbar. Whether you're joining us on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen, we're grateful that you're spending a part of your day with us. If today's conversation encourages you, and I have a feeling that it will, we'd really appreciate if you'd subscribe, leave a review, And share this episode with someone who needs a reminder that they have more strength than they realize. Now let's meet today's guest. Today's guest is someone whose resume is remarkable, but I have a feeling that's not what you'll remember most by the end of today's conversation. Jay Setchel is a United States Marine, an entrepreneur, an author, a husband, a father, and someone whose life has been marked by extraordinary adversity. He's survived multiple deaths. And near-death experiences, undergone more than 70 surgeries, lives with paralysis and chronic spinal pain, and yet continues leading businesses, encouraging others, writing, speaking, and together with his wife, raising adopted twins. His newest book is called The Strength Within You. It's Always Too Soon to Quit. And while preparing for today, I came across something Jay wrote that really stood out to me. He said, This isn't about what I've been through. It's about what I've learned. And I love that because that's exactly what this podcast is about. Not simply admiring someone's story, but delivering the wisdom that came from it. Jay, it is truly an honor. Welcome to Rebuild and Fulfill. Jay Setchell: Hey Kelsey, it's great to be here, my friend. Thank you for having me. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Awesome. Yeah, no, I your story was absolutely amazing when I looked into it, looked on your website, your profile, everything that I could find. And you know, I want to begin somewhere that may surprise you. So most people would probably start with the surgeries, the accidents, the medical challenges, or the near-death experiences. But I found that if we really want to understand someone, we have to understand who they were before life tested them. So because resilience usually isn't created during adversity, it's revealed there. Most of it gets built years before we ever realize we're gonna need it. So you grow up working on a farm. When you think back to those years, what were some of those values being planted, see what I did there, that you still rely on today? Jay Setchell: Just about everything I went through, Kelsey. I it was I I mean, it was a a a sizable working farm with a lot of cattle. We had a lot of chickens, we had quite a few hogs, usually. but it was something that always something always needed tending to, whether it was pulling weeds, painting corn cribs, fixing equipment, feeding cattle, climbing sidles, chipping sides, shoveling chicken crap. in the middle of the summer when it's a hundred degrees and the ammonia's killing ya. You know, I I I never realized, I guess really, you know, the question is that you've posed or comment, I never realized, but I was developing resilience all the time, because everything is an adversity to a degree. It's just sometimes it's a harder adversity than others. And it i i I don't know. It's like it's when I do get asked where did it come from? I it just it I I kind of put it up like this. If you put a a glass underneath a faucet that's dripping, you know, you come back in five minutes, it's got twenty drips in it. But you come back two days later, the glass is overflowing. Well, how did it get there? It's a matter of just It it just takes time. It just builds. It it's like watching the grass grow. It you can't see it, but all of a sudden the damn stuff needs mowing again, And that's where I think I earned also the the value of life or what what life really is because you see a cycle of life. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, I think sometimes we just underestimate those early years because they feel so ordinary while we're living them. It it's only years later that we realize, wow, that that's that's where I learned discipline. That's that's where I learn responsibility. That's where I learned that if something needs to be done, you just do it, right? those aren't glamorous lessons, but they become incredibly valuable later in life. Jay Setchell: they do become invaluable in in and actually they're invaluable when you're younger, in my opinion, because your formative years are really from when you're born till about seventeen. And so by the time I'm ten or twelve, I'm looking at kids in other towns or something in in town, and my gosh, I gotta go shovel the sidewalk. or you get the tractors out it was that kind of a stuff and It's like when I went into the Marine Corps, I had a very good understanding, a sense of urgency, responsibility, quality, doing what you're supposed to do, doing what's right, doing this, doing that. They just had to pound it into my thick skull a little bit harder, you know, to get their way. You know, but yeah, I I agree. Kids are s as a rule, there's some good people out there that are younger, but kids are soft today. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. Like like I said, after reading your story, I just kept thinking those lessons probably became a huge part of the foundation that carried you through everything else that followed after that. So another thing is one phrase that you wrote really stuck with me. You said, Nothing worthwhile comes free that is worthwhile. It's always something you've worked for. And that sounds like something that probably wasn't taught, it was lived. Do you think growing up on a farm gave you a different relationship with hardship than a lot of people have today? Jay Setchell: su a hundred percent. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. So then after childhood, then came another chapter, and you already alluded to it before. the Marine Corps. So I've definitely had the privilege of talking with quite a few veterans over the years. And one thing I've learned is everyone wears the same uniform, but everyone walks away carrying something different. Some people leave with confidence, some with discipline, some with lifelong relationships. Others leave carrying burdens most of us will never fully understand. So when you think back to your time as a Marine, what did that experience leave you with that still shapes your life today? Jay Setchell: I think it reinforced a lot of what I originally had, as I said before. Because my parents raised us kids that when you get out of high school, you could go out and live on your own and be so self-sufficient. The Marine Corps simply pounded into the my head even more so the fact that the world's a much bigger place than you are. And you you really need to have the other person's six, as we call it, their back. You know, because when you're in combat or you're out in the world in the Marine Corps, at least the Marine Corps, you you don't worry about home and apple pie and your girlfriend. You're worried you're I'm concerned about the man in front of me or behind me or to my left and my right. That's your team. That's your life. Without them, you're not alive. Without you, they're not alive. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, so when I listen to you, I I think of words like commitment, discipline, responsibility, service, and obviously perseverance. So, I don't think you realized at the time, but those lessons weren't just preparing you for business or for the military, they were preparing you for life. And and it would ask far more of you than you ever imagined. And Jay Setchell: yeah. Yeah. Most of them. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: None of us get to choose the test that life gives us, but sometimes without realizing we're already preparing for that. Jay Setchell: No, no, most most definitely. I mean, you're you're prepared. It's like you know, some s some people say, How did you make it you know, how was it to spend a year in the naval hospital? You know, and eight and a half months of it I was in traction. Didn't couldn't get out of bed once. You know, it's like seconds become minutes, minutes become hours, hours become days, days become weeks. And you just gotta look at it like that. That it everything everything will pass. And what can I see beneficial out of what I just went through? And to me, that's the whole thing. It's not how you got there. It's the lessons you learned on the way or the things that you went through. I mean, there's there's a lot of things that happen, and it's more what did it take you to get through it? What did you learn from it? What can you use? out of that to help you in the future to either see a problem ahead of time and or deal with it before it becomes a problem. I don't know how to spell the word quit or stop or don't or can't. I I don't. It's just like it can be done. Just do. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: absolutely, one hundred percent. So and then speaking of moments like you were talking about with your your time in in traction, getting hurt in the military, you know, so every life has those defining moments. So like the moments where we realize nothing is ever going to be the same again. You know, for some people it's losing someone they love. For others, it might be a diagnosis or an accident, you know, a dream that suddenly disappears. Your life has had several of those moments. So without walking us through every surgery or every medical setback, take us back to one moment that you felt like changed everything, the moment you realized my life isn't going to look the way I thought it would. Jay Setchell: I I I think there's really two that that out of the multiples, one was what I went through in the Marine Corps in the hospital and what I went through because when I came home, the silos were gone, the feedlots, fences were gone, my dad knew that I would never be able to farm. He knew that I I I wouldn't not be able to do what I needed to do. Because of leg damage, th th the everything I'd been through. So my dream and my thought and I thought I was seventh or eighth generation on our farm. So I figured I'm gonna be the f be a farmer and I'm gonna be an ag pilot. I soloed when I was fourteen. I'd been flying since I was like my dad took me up when I was like two weeks old in a in a plane. You know, it's like so ag spring, that's what I thought I would do. And then, you know, it's It's that that was the first one. That that it it blew my mind it was all gone when I got home. It's like, why? And he and he at that point he said, you know, he told me, well, the cattle are markets are shifting and all this, and the big lots are going in. And we've had a lot of cattle. So I I couldn't accept that a hundred percent. But he just that was just how he was doing it. Well, my mom told me many years later, and it was after he had passed away, that He said it broke his heart. He just said he knew that you weren't going to be able to do what you needed to do long enough to do it. It just, you know, so that that put me on a whole different trajectory. And the the other one that was probably the bigger bigger one, because I was able to come back from a lot of that. the the second time I died from the drunk driver, He didn't have a seatbelt on, thrown out of his truck, run over by his truck. I rolled several times and bled out, but they they got me back later. but with my broken neck in 81 when I was 31. And when I and I was paralyzed from the shoulders down. And they told me I'd probably never move again. And so that put me on a trajectory of Holy shit. And i it it really changes your life a lot because now you can't do anything almost that you could do before. I mean, from washing a car to washing dishes, it doesn't matter. I mean, there's i anything you can think of. it takes a different thing. And so you you're constantly updating and upgrading and keeping your eye open for the future and what's going to happen and realizing what you've been through and everything is hard. And at least for for me and the others that I've seen that have been through what I've been through or as close as I've been through it. And you gotta have the faith in belief that you're going to be able to do something, but just don't let anything stand in your way. it is always too soon to quit. Because too many people quit right before they could have achieved their success or before they went around the corner and found their dream. Or whatever. You know, and that's that's one thing that just it bugs me. It's people don't take long enough to just continue to work at it. And you know, in in dream big, but take small steps. I saw myself walking way before my arm started to work. And my left arm works pretty good. and I got a shoulder that works, you know. But it's had several surgeries too. But don't look at that. Look at what don't look at what you've lost. Look at what you've still got. And what can you do with it? You know? It's like I'm right-handed, but I had to learn to do stuff with my left hand. The best I can. I don't do it really great, but I can still squeeze a trigger. You know? And that to me is an important factor. So, but it's it's It it it's really up here. It's in your head. And if you know, and I ask people too, would you rather have everything from your shoulders down working perfectly and really be messed up up here? Or would you rather be really good up here and be paralyzed from the shoulders down? Well, that goes back to Stephen Hawking, who who was a brilliant individual, but he made changes and discoveries and things for the world, and he couldn't move. So it's like myself and you we're totally two different bodies, but I don't view myself as disabled. I feel I I'm differently abled, but we have more in common. than you think or most people think because we get cold, we get hot, we get sweaty, we have headaches, we get aggravated, we get frustrated, there's some things you can't do. You know, and you look at it as a disability? No, Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: I mean, definitely one thing I've learned from doing this podcast is that people often misunderstand resilience. They picture someone who's always strong, always positive, always confident. But I've definitely never found that to be true. Generally, the strongest people I've met have also had moments where they question everything. So let me just ask you something a little bit more personal. And I I think I know the answer to this just from what I've heard already. But was there ever A season where even Jay Setchel wondered if he had enough left to keep going, or were you always able to find that next step forward? Jay Setchell: No, I never I've never doubted. I know it's there. I completely believe one hundred percent without a doubt it's there. if there's a will, there's a way. And I have the will and I will find a way. That's it. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: So earlier I mentioned that line from your book that resonated with me. The you know, this isn't about what I've been through, it's about what I've learned. So I honestly think that sentence captures the heart of today's conversation because anyone can tell, and anyone can tell us what happened, but wisdom comes from understanding what those experiences changed inside of us. So let me ask you, looking back over everything you've been through, what has adversity taught you that success never could have? Jay Setchell: I think if someone's let's just call it instantly successful. When they fall down, a lot of times they don't know how to get back up. Or they can't get back up. someone that's fallen and gotten back up is strong stronger than someone that's never fallen. And I've fallen probably a thousand times. So it's something that I think that You just learn the strengths within your heart, the strengths within your guts, the grit, the determination. It's it's a it's a given that comes over time, Kelsey. And I think that at at whatever age you are, if you look back 20 years ago or even 10, are you more? resilient today, can you go through more adversity today than you did then without having been through a lot of big problems? Yes, you can. it just happens. It just keeps as long as you keep moving one way or another, and it's like I you know I get asked about how do I move around? Well it's it's hard and it's painful, it hurts, it's it's difficult, it's it's everything, all those words put together, but I continue to do it. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. I mean, I just think success has a way of affirming us, but adversity has a way of revealing us, right? So it exposes everything that we really believe, who we really are, and often who we're becoming as people. And I and I think that's why today's conversation really matters and why people are gonna resonate with it, because it's not about celebrating suffering. It's about recognizing that suffering doesn't have to be wasted. So there's another thing I've been thinking about while while I was preparing for today, and and people hear a number like, my God, 70 surgeries? It's almost impossible to comprehend. But I have a feeling that none of those surgeries, none of the pain, none of the setbacks actually define how you see yourself. So I'm curious, when you look in the mirror today, who do you see? Do you see a survivor, a marine, a father, an entrepreneur, a man of faith? Or is there another word that best describes who Jay Setchel really is? Jay Setchell: You ever seen the picture where there's an old man and he's got his cane and he's looking in the mirror and he sees a young man in a uniform? Okay, that's kind of what I do. I don't see me as being a cripple. I don't see me as being, I'm a doer. I'm gonna take action. I'm gonna make something happen. And you know, sometimes now I gotta call somebody to make it happen, but I make the call. A lot of people wouldn't even do that. They're afraid to ask the question. They're afraid to reach out. They're afraid to to to to to do anything. You know, and I'd rather do something wrong than not do anything at all. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: I get it. And one of the things we talk about all the time, one thing that you touched on there is, you know, that you're not afraid to ask for help. And we tell people all the time, asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. People need to to get over that. They really do. I I think that recognizing that you need help already is showing a sign of strength. So I I love that you you kind of brought that to the forefront. But and I and I just love your your attitude in general. And you know, one of those things that I appreciate is Jay Setchell: yeah. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Is that you're just so incredibly hopeful, but also practical. So, you know, you don't tell people life is going to be easy. You don't promise that if they just think positively enough, everything will magically work out. Your your message is simpler than that. It's all about showing up, taking responsibility, continuing to move forward, even if the next step is a small one. So that brings me to the title of your book, The Strength Within You. So I think that's a fascinating title because it suggests something many people don't naturally believe, that the strength they're looking for may already be inside of them. So where does that strength actually come from? Were you born with it or do you believe it's built through the experience life gives us? Jay Setchell: Well, I that's what I was just saying, Kelsey is I I I you you may be born with a little something in you that comes from the generations of hard stuff that they that that your predecessors have been through. But it's really what you've been through or what that little bit you got, how much of it did you really use? You know. it's like and then it's just you never quit trying. and I'm gonna use a little thing here. Back when I was in high school, I was I was a sophomore and I took algebra and I knew that it wasn't gonna be easy. I just it didn't click with me. I I barely got by I C minus or a D. And the second semester I was failing it. And I I just wasn't getting it. And at the end of the the on the last the final I I failed the final. And so I was leaving the classroom, I was one of the last kids going out, and the teacher, Ron Malcolm, said, Hey Jay, would you come here for a minute? and and He told me, he says, Listen, I'm gonna be here all day tomorrow, grading papers and getting report cards ready. You guys are coming back Thursday, picking stuff up, sophomore year, right? And he he made this offer. He said, Would you come back on it if you would like to, I'm offering you the chance to come back and try again. So it was about one o'clock or somewhere around noon or afternoon. I went to the high school and in our small town and And I went in and I took the test. And I bombed it. I knew I was bombing it as I was taking it. I mean, I I sat there through the whole time and I did the best I could and just didn't make it. And it it is what it is, you know. And so I went up and gave the paper and turned it in and he graded it out and he said, Jay, he said you y you failed the test, but I wanna tell you something. He said I offered Seven other people total the opportunity to come back and try taking this test again so they could pass. Come back and take it again and just try. You're the only one that showed up. One person, one out of seven showed up. So what I want to tell you is that there's some kids in here that have got straight A's, but straight A's never got anybody rich, it never got them famous, it never got them down the road. It doesn't mean they're going to succeed, it doesn't mean anything. It just means they they got it, it clicked. Maybe they studied a little bit harder, but they got it. He said, it's the kids that get B's, C's, D's, and whatnot that generally are harder workers throughout life because they had to work harder at getting it. And he said, or in your case, you failed, but you came back and tried again. So my final comment to this is: if you continue to try and try and try and never quit trying, you're going to be more successful than all of these kids. They get A's and B's and and they get an education and they get all that because you're never going to quit trying. You know, and that's kind of what's happened over the years. That was the best lesson I got in school. And he said, I know that you're working at Hart Carter. It was Hume incorporated back in the day. And they make pickup reels and combines in in my hometown that we talked about earlier. And I started work at four. I got off at twelve thirty, got in bed about one. I got up at five thirty in the morning to help my dad do chores and my chores, because I had cattle and hogs. And if I didn't help him do his while I did mine, and he had to do mine at night without me being there because I was at work, right? He he would charge me. He would he put it on a tally sheet to charge me for it. Well if it was a dollar, it doesn't matter. He charged me. Because nothing comes for free. Nothing. And and I had to understand that. And I had known that for years. But it was part of it. But Ron Malcolms who said, I know you're already doing this, but yet you came back here today before you go to work and you've probably been working all day. And I had been, you know, on the farm that day, because it was there's no free time, and went back and tried again. So When I look back, that's probably, I mean, that is definitely the best lesson I got out of high school. But I didn't realize it then, Kelsey, as much as I did throughout life. And that's why it's always too soon to quit, because you gotta keep trying and trying. You may have to pivot, you may have to turn, but nothing comes easy. There's no free lunch, there's no free ride. And all these people that want it, they're gonna pay such a price at the end, or their kids or their grandkids. They're gonna regret it. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. So I mean, you know, that tenacity, I mean, you can be born with some of it, but obviously that's something that you just have to look inside yourself as you go. and I think that's really encouraging because sometimes we look at people who've overcome incredible obstacles and we just assume, well, they're just wired differently than I am. But listening to you, what I'm hearing is that resilience isn't reserved for a select few. It's something that gets developed one decision, one setback, one lesson at a time. So that's a fair statement, the fair way to describe it, right? Jay Setchell: Yes, yes, a hundred percent. I you're not just wired that way. I don't know. Like I said, I don't know how to spell the word quit, can't, won't, stop. I don't know how to do it. And and I don't accept that. Because you you can no, it's just something it's learned and it's earned. And there's a statement at the beginning of my book that I put in it's attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson that and I sometimes will close with it. Too instead of open. And that's that, you know, what lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are small matters compared to what lies within us. Because you can always draw off of what Kelsey's been through. What have you done that was wrong? But yet, but now you can look to the future and make decisions on what you're going to do or choose or or or or act on or not act on based on what you've been through. But that's within you. So that's where you find the strength. Within you. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. So so something else that that really impressed me about you is so here you are in your mid seventies, you're living with chronic pain, you're mostly paralyzed, and yet you're still involved in multiple businesses. You're writing, you're speaking, you're mentoring, and together with your w your wife, you're raising the two young children, which I'm sorry, you said how old? Nine? Is that what you said? Jay Setchell: We've had since they were three weeks. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, amazing. So most people would say, I've done enough. Clearly, right? But that's not how you see it. What what get so what gets you excited to wake up every morning? What what keeps that fire burning? Jay Setchell: No. God's got a plan for me. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Right on. Jay Setchell: God's got a plan for me and he ain't gonna let me die. If when it when I'm done, he'll take me. And I feel that a hundred percent. That's the only reason I'm here. Through everything I've been through, Kelsey, I I there's no reason I should be here. So, but if he's kept me here, then why in the hell should I quit? I mean, I j I can't I I don't understand that. Go be active, be be contributing, help other people, reach out, do something. I mean, you're living a life. I just I'm very grateful. I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for the life I've got. Whatever that is. It in and you know, and who knows what's gonna happen down the road. So in the meantime, what can I do? To help others and move forward and better myself and better others. And I believe truly from the bottom of my heart, the more people you help, the better person you become. And pass that on. And the more people that you help, hopefully they will see it and you can encourage them in such a way that they'll help other people or reach out. I'm donating money to a some kids that can get Bibles and t shirts and stuff like that and hear about the hear about the Lord, you know, or I'm helping somebody over here, or I've got a car in a I've got some collector cars and museums, you know, and I send them some extra money. It's like, you know, they they just had a a a car show over at Clarksville, Georgia, where I got my I got a 67 Shelby GT five hundred up there that was owned by Carol Shelby. And it was used in the 67 Shelby television ad. And it's nut and bolt date perfect. It it is one of one. And every year I donate trophies to the people that have had cars that are at least they've had them at least 10 years and they're still working on them. And the trophy is it's always too soon to quit trophy. It's got the it's got the miles for time logo up here, and then it's you know a two, three stack trophy, and down on the bottom it's got the date of the the date of the show, and it says it's always too soon to quit. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Mm-hmm. Jay Setchell: Those people deserve something. It's not just the guy that's got the bucks that goes out and buys a perfectly reconditioned, absolutely immaculate 67 GTO, you know, or a a new Corvette. I I I don't understand that. I don't understand. And and and it's those people that run the world. It's the people that never quit. The people that always keep trying. They shall inherit inherit the earth because they're never going to quit. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. So you mentioned earlier that purpose changes as we go through life. So when when you look back, whether it's the farm kid, the marine, the entrepreneur, the husband, the father, the author, the mentor, which version of Jay understands life the best? And what does that version know today that the younger versions couldn't possibly have understood? Jay Setchell: yeah. I would say probably starting in my early 30s after my broken neck, I I realized I I mean, I'd always been hard working, successful. I'd had, you know, I'd had setbacks just like everybody does. But I didn't look them as setbacks or failures or or something that happened bad. It's just it happened. Get through it, move forward with it, and learn something from it. But I think in my mid-30s, I mean my my purpose, say from the time I was born till the time I broke my neck or after that for a year, was I was a I was a hardcore, hard charging kid. It's like the Jay I remember always had his head down and moving forward, never let anything stop him or get in his way. And that's what I did. That's how I ran the companies. I hired people. I mean, I employed people, I treated them right. And I did all that, but I did it for the ends of a means. I I didn't do it for the way God really wanted it done, and that was for other people. And I realized then that the purpose is more to serve. And the more you serve and the more you do and the more you help, that's what really sets your purpose. my purpose earlier was to get through stuff and to move forward. I kept obviously I had one. I didn't know what it was because I think everybody at you know says, gosh, I don't really know who I am or what I am or what my why am I here? You know, that kind of a question. But then I realized it was to help help others. I had already done it, but it that's when it really set in. By the time I was 30, 33, I became successful because I helped other people. And By helping them learn and train and field coach and do what's right and do the best you can do. Even if your best isn't the best, your best is your best. And if you do your best, if everybody did their best, this world would be a whole hell of a lot better place. You know, but it isn't. Most people go out and they go, I'll just get the job done. No, that's that's not the point. The point is do your best. You know, and if you can do that. I I but I I think that's where it really changed. And my purpose changed later. You know, when when we had the twins, we had the twins about three months Four months when my mom died. And she was in her late, late nineties. And and I think that's what helped take some of the grief out, is because we had the twins and they were four months old and and and you know they were starting to ooh and goo and ga and all that kind of stuff. So at any rate, so I think that's that's how what I mean by your purpose changes as you move throughout life. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. So I wanna I wanna spend our last couple of minutes speaking directly to the person listening. So let's imagine someone who's driving home from work or laying awake at night or sitting in silence, wondering if they're ever gonna feel like themselves again. They're exhausted, discouraged. Maybe they've even thought about giving up. Where do they begin? What's the first step towards rebuilding? Jay Setchell: Go for it. I I I start out with a prayer. I mean, I've learned long ago. I mean some people may say I can't do that. I don't want to do that. Then don't do it. But I start out with a prayer and and of thanks. Thanking God that I'm alive. Thanking God I can still do something. And and it doesn't have to be a long one. You just say, Lord God, help me through all my problems I'm gonna have today and thank you for helping me get through everything I went through yesterday. Be done with it. That's fine. That's good. You know, I mean, but get up and move. Get up and do something. That you know, so many people sit back and that's why I said before about people that they're just killing time. I I mean it kills me to see the grandkids watch them play so much iPad. Read a book. Go outside. Do something. Learn something. They they're they're pretty well evolved in sports and they do a lot. But i i it it's just I find that I want better for other people and and the the the more you want for them and to help them And I've like you said, I've been through my God, a lot. I can't believe I can look back and but I can't believe what I've been. I should have been chewed up by the feeding auger when I was seventeen. I die in the Marine Corps when I'm nineteen. I die by a drunk driver when I'm twenty-three. I drown and break my I break my neck and I drown. I'm paralyzed. I'm dead again when I'm thirty-one. When is this shit gonna stop? it's just like a never ending thing, but but I don't let it bother me. I don't stop on it. It's like we're talking about it and when we're done with the talking, I'm gonna move on to something else. But that's what people need to realize. Life will go on. You can do good if you want to, but you gotta want to. You have to be willing to do it. So I don't know. Just keep trying, keep going, don't stop. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Jay. Not just for sharing your story, but for sharing the lessons your story has given you. I think one of my biggest takeaways from today is just that resilience is not something we're born with. It's something we build choice by choice, day by day, and sometimes through circumstances, things that we would never would have chosen for ourselves. So thank you for reminding us that while we don't always control what happens to us, we do have a say in what happens next. But before we wrap up today, I do want for anyone who wants to learn more about you, connect with your work, pick up a copy of your book, that sort of thing, where's the best place people can find you? Jay Setchell: I well the book is I know the book is on Amazon. It's Barnes and Noble and I know it's on a few different places. I d I don't pay attention to it. I just I I put it on and give it to somebody else to do. but and then I've got a a w a website that it it's not the best website. But still it's got a a little thing you can connect with me if you got a question, something to ask, something to say, something to whatever. and it was kind of funny, Kelsey, 'cause I I was trying to think what a website, what should I name a website? And I thought, well, hell, I never quit trying ever. So I typed in Never Quit Trying. And it came up. And I I so I got neverquitrying dot com. And think about all the tens of thousands of coaches and mentors and influencers and something, that could have gotten Never quit trying. So it's like God saved that for me because I never quit trying. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, that's awesome. So definitely, connect with Jay, pick up his book. I mean, I this is the tip of the iceberg with his stories. we've gotten privilege to get a bunch of them today. the book is is chocked full of them. So it's truly been an honor. Thank you so much for joining us today. And to everyone who's listening, thank you for spending part of your day with us. If today's conversation encouraged you, inspired you, or gave you a new perspective. Please consider subscribing on our YouTube channel, leaving a review and sharing this episode with someone who needs to hear it. So until next time, keep rebuilding, keep growing. And remember, it's never too late to take the next step forward. And we will see you next time on Rebuild and Fulfill. Take care.