Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / The Rock vs Bangkok Dangerous

Transcript

The Rock vs Bangkok Dangerous · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:00
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
0:12
Speaking of decisions, I will come to regret.
0:15
Welcome back to Cage Match, colon around about way of meeting Nicholas Cage.
0:18
That's how you do a segue.
0:20
It's just the intro.
0:22
Just the intro, bud.
0:24
You know, by season two, I think you'll get segues.
0:26
I finally understand what a segue is.
0:28
We can use all that sweet, sweet Patreon money to hire someone to write segues.
0:33
Just a ghostwriter for segues, just out of any kind of situation
0:37
you might imagine, it's like we're talking about like
0:40
roasting chestnuts with like behind your balls.
0:44
And that's how we get into like ghostwriter somehow. Exactly.
0:47
I want the montage, like the training montage of Sean learning how to segue, though.
0:52
Different situations and him fucking up and figuring it out.
0:54
Yeah, so like while the best writing a segue, though,
0:58
because I would pay a lot of money to see Sean write a segue.
1:05
Cage match, colon around about way of meeting Nicholas Cage,
1:07
where we take 64 of Nicholas Cage's best movies and
1:11
we'll figure out what the best is eventually.
1:15
Maybe we'll say, okay, just bestest.
1:18
You can totally take a look at the bracket on our website, though.
1:21
Cage match dot fun. Yes, we are your home. That's a fucking plug. Nice.
1:26
We're for the thing they're listening to.
1:28
Yeah, we're we're your host, Sean.
1:30
Oh, and I'm Nick and I am producer Peter.
1:33
And this week we have a special guest, my favorite person and sometimes arch nemesis.
1:39
Meredith slash mayor.
1:41
I'm Sean's ex spouse and we still like each other enough to talk.
1:46
It's true. And beyond my podcast, apparently.
1:50
To be fair, I did kind of strong arm my way onto this podcast,
1:54
because as soon as you were like me and Peter and Nick
1:57
are doing this podcast about Nick Cage movies, I literally was like,
2:01
as soon as you do the rock, I have to be on it because it's a perfect film
2:05
and I love it very much and it's very special to me.
2:08
And if you don't let me on your podcast, I do know where you live.
2:13
You actually don't now, though.
2:16
Bitch, I have access to your Amazon account.
2:18
I know exactly where the fuck you live.
2:20
Oh, damn, that's true. All right.
2:22
How do you think I got your address to send you divorce papers?
2:26
Oh, no, I'm sad.
2:28
Actually, that brings it back around and I'm feeling a lot better about this now.
2:33
Are you feeling good about this?
2:34
OK, great. You can edit all of that out, by the way.
2:38
Keep that in.
2:38
I this is going to be easier than me writing a suicide letter.
2:43
That's fair.
2:43
This suicide letter will actually just be directions for somebody to listen to this.
2:48
So we get one more listen.
2:50
Oh, no, it's going to be it's going to be a QR code motherfucker.
2:53
Yeah. You have to subscribe to the podcast to get the suicide note.
2:58
That's good. Also great.
2:59
And review. Yeah, please.
3:01
Yeah, it's important.
3:02
Meredith is still the one person who's like giving us a written review.
3:05
Yeah, much appreciated.
3:07
If anyone wants to write us another review, except for that guy,
3:09
they said Sean makes Meg Ryan look like blonde Robert Downey Jr.
3:14
That is also a review.
3:16
I do. And it was right.
3:17
It was a Reddit review, but it counts as five stars in my heart.
3:20
This week, we are discussing cinematic Masterpiece of the Rock
3:24
and cinematic cinema, Bangkok Dangerous cinematic malware.
3:29
Yeah. OK. So when we did our episode zero,
3:33
Sean sort of foisted Bangkok Dangerous
3:37
on us as a joke, and I am pretty furious at him.
3:42
I'm so mad. I was watching Bangkok Dangerous and I was just like,
3:47
you fucker, you absolute fucker.
3:49
I know this was Sean's pick.
3:50
I know it was. Fuck him.
3:52
What is wrong with you, Sean?
3:53
What is wrong with you as a human being?
3:55
I mean, you're the one who married me.
3:57
I didn't even make it through the whole movie.
3:58
Oh, man, I found out how to make it through it today.
4:02
It's just bubble bath, really big sandwitch.
4:05
And just just don't get up.
4:08
It's just I have nothing but bad things to say about this film,
4:11
so I just can't wait to get into it.
4:13
Sean, why don't you do a synopsis?
4:15
That's a segue, motherfucker.
4:17
So Bangkok Dangerous from 2008.
4:20
Joe is an assassin getting ready to hang up the old spurs, as it were.
4:24
Goes to Bangkok for one last job to kill four people along the way.
4:28
Makes a friend, meets a deaf woman or a mute woman.
4:31
Both. Oh, yeah.
4:33
And then learns a lesson and then kills himself.
4:36
That's Bangkok Dangerous.
4:37
OK, so how about The Rock?
4:39
Yeah, can we talk about The Rock now for the next hour?
4:43
Now we need to get through this.
4:44
It's a shitty movie.
4:46
It's shitty and I hated it.
4:49
Isn't it like a remake?
4:50
It's a remake of a 1999 film.
4:52
Same directors. Oh, my God.
4:54
Wait, they only waited nine years before remaking this movie.
4:57
Yeah, same directors.
4:59
It was their first film.
5:00
Not even long enough to learn their own lesson.
5:03
The Pang brothers.
5:04
I'm wondering.
5:05
Is there first and second?
5:06
I don't want to go and see if the first one's actually any good.
5:09
Probably not.
5:10
It's not.
5:11
I haven't seen it, but I'll just go ahead and say it's not.
5:16
I mean, these brothers do have a fairly long filmography.
5:19
Just because you've done something a lot of times
5:21
doesn't necessarily mean you're good at it.
5:24
Like I. Yeah, fucking Paul Schrader.
5:26
Yeah, Paul Schrader.
5:27
Yeah, Paul Schrader.
5:28
Like I've baked before.
5:30
I've made a lot of cookies.
5:32
Were they edible?
5:33
Absolutely not.
5:34
We've seen worse in terms of quality of movie, in terms of quality of cage.
5:39
It's slow.
5:40
It's meandering.
5:41
You don't like any of the characters, but it's not like the worst thing
5:45
that's ever been committed to film.
5:47
It's just a bad movie.
5:48
It's not good, but it's not like painful.
5:51
Three movies that are worse than Bangkok Dangerous.
5:55
Dog Eat Dog.
5:56
Yeah, in the Nick Cage universe.
5:57
The Shraders and Left Behind.
6:00
Left Behind.
6:01
Those are.
6:02
Dog Eat Dog, Left Behind.
6:04
Although I would take.
6:05
I would take Dog Eat Dog over Bangkok Dangerous for sure.
6:10
I think we established like recently, like I kind of put Bangkok Dangerous,
6:15
Left Behind and City of Angels all on the same.
6:18
Oh, yeah.
6:19
I think the whole thing for me on this one is just the movie's not interesting.
6:24
It's not well scripted.
6:26
And there's nothing for him to work with.
6:29
Give me a movie that makes me mad or frustrated or sad or joyous.
6:33
This movie was the worst because it made me feel nothing.
6:36
Yeah, it's just a waste of time.
6:38
You could literally be doing anything else.
6:41
And it's a movie that's essentially like it was like his John Wick back in 2008.
6:47
OK, well, that's the one thing I actually want to talk about,
6:50
because this is just.
6:50
I want to talk about John Wick, too.
6:52
It was a lot better.
6:53
It was.
6:54
No, this was just like this is Hong Kong, like action cinema,
6:58
hard boiled that era of film, but done by amateurs.
7:02
This one just has the fortune of having Nicolas Cage.
7:04
This one does have the best disarming sequences we've seen in a Nick Cage movie
7:08
though, where he actually takes off a dude's arm with a motorboat.
7:11
Well, that in general is the only good scene.
7:14
The slow speed chase.
7:15
Oh, every boat chase is a slow boat chase.
7:18
I don't care like how fast the boats are actually going.
7:22
There's no like exciting way to have boats just traveling on water
7:28
unless you jump it off of something or boat through something.
7:33
And we got both of those in face off.
7:35
And that was a way better movie.
7:38
I was with a way better boat chase.
7:40
This boat chase was fine, though.
7:41
Yeah.
7:43
Oh, that should be that should go on the back of the box.
7:45
This boat chase was fun.
7:46
The whole statement about face off and everything.
7:50
I also just want to point this out in terms of where we're at in Cage's career.
7:54
This was right after Book of Secrets.
7:57
So we're really getting to that era of he owes the government money.
8:01
That's what I thought the whole the whole movie.
8:04
I was like, Nick, my man, you are going through something.
8:09
It is obviously financial.
8:11
You clearly are in the middle of a breakdown just based on your hair.
8:18
Yeah, this is peak bird hair.
8:22
The zero chemistry between him and the pharmacist lady.
8:29
Oh, Charlie Young was not as distracting as his own hair that was on his head.
8:37
I got used to his hair, though.
8:39
The thing that I hate the most about his speaking of his relationship
8:43
with the the deaf mute pharmacist lady, the sign language they use for her
8:49
is so juvenile.
8:52
It's the best part.
8:54
What is like doing the like fingers thing?
8:58
Oh, the rain, which is the thing.
9:00
You can see it.
9:01
Again, this is this is a audio formatted podcast.
9:04
Okay, for everybody.
9:05
We're about to get into the dumbest hand motion portion of the podcast.
9:10
Just describe all your hand motions, please.
9:12
So I'm like pointing my fingers down and like wiggling them
9:16
as I like move them down, like from near my face to near my chest.
9:20
Nicholas Cage's character is in this woman's mother's home.
9:26
Who also seems to be her boss.
9:29
I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't figure it out,
9:33
but is like doing this weird finger waggle motion at each other.
9:39
And it's like, oh, your name means rain.
9:41
And it was just like, what the fuck is going on right now?
9:44
You don't know her name.
9:45
You've been on like what?
9:47
Like five dates with this woman and she's just sat silently smiling at you.
9:52
Perfect for the patriarchy.
9:54
Fuck all of you. I hate this movie.
9:57
My favorite sign language was definitely like when he first asked her out
10:02
and he like goes in, he's like, oh, I want to I want to ask her to dinner.
10:07
Will you ask her to dinner for me?
10:09
And the old lady just turns and she makes the stupidest like points at the girl,
10:15
points at Nick Cage, brings two fingers like together
10:19
and then mimes eating.
10:22
It's like, wow, couldn't have done that myself.
10:26
What I love in terms of their communication arc is right before things hit the fan
10:30
where they're walking through the park, she hands him a note
10:33
that's written in English that she's, you know, happy.
10:36
And then she has great handwriting, too, cursive and everything.
10:40
So you guys could have just been writing to each other the whole time.
10:43
She can write in English so she understands it.
10:46
You work at a pharmacy.
10:47
You've got a pad and pencil.
10:49
We just have it with you.
10:50
When Nick Cage went into the when Nick went into the pharmacy
10:55
the first time for like the cut on his arm and she just like goes up to him
11:00
and then he's like smiles at him, asks for something and she just sits there
11:04
and stares at him smiling like an idiot, not making any motion
11:10
to indicate that she can't hear that she can't speak his language.
11:15
Nothing just like stares at him like a dummy.
11:18
And the other lady is supposedly the mother just lets it happen
11:23
and she just looks like a fool.
11:24
Obviously, people that are like deaf and mute can definitely work
11:29
whatever job they want.
11:31
However, every person I have ever worked with who signs
11:36
has always usually had like on their badge, like I use ASL or something
11:41
and is typically someone that is factored into their job.
11:45
They are not necessarily the greeter
11:48
and the first line of customer service defense.
11:54
Like, yeah, what?
11:55
I mean, this is also Thailand and this was like an open air pharmacy
12:00
where the lady out front seemed to be grinding up crabs at one point.
12:03
She was like, just boiling them.
12:05
Yes. Smash in those fuckers.
12:07
I don't think declaring your inability to speak on your chest was a really a thing.
12:14
Perhaps not.
12:15
Perhaps everybody in the neighborhood just knew like, oh, she'll just go up
12:18
and stare at you until you vaguely and weirdly mime at her
12:23
with your weird hair looming over her because you're like six, four
12:28
and she's like five, two.
12:30
He's like six, nine with that hair, though.
12:32
Dude, it brings a whole mood to his character that I was just like,
12:37
you tall lanky bastard, like, what the fuck?
12:40
Also, just in all of the chase scenes when they're like looking for him
12:44
and he's like, I'll put on a baseball hat.
12:46
I'm like, you're a foot taller than everyone in your surroundings.
12:50
Yeah. And white and white.
12:53
Also not a great assassin because he never wears gloves.
12:56
His fingerprints are on everything.
12:58
Yeah. This movie was pointless.
13:00
It had zero redemption of anything, but there was one line in it
13:04
that I did like, which was basically anybody can kill a politician.
13:08
And I was like, that is an inspirational quote, Nick Cage.
13:12
Thank you. Also, his sidekick Kong was dumb as well.
13:17
Everybody in this movie was dumb.
13:18
So I kind of just jumped ahead to the end.
13:20
Does it actually end with Kong just dancing in a field or something?
13:24
Like what? Yeah, just standing like, yeah, like by the bank.
13:29
Cool. But right before that, like Nick Cage takes out the mob boss
13:34
who hired him and then gets in the car with him and then blows
13:37
both their brains out for reasons that are never explored.
13:42
Yeah, you decided to have a very high profile gunfight
13:45
in the vicinity of a bunch of cops and then didn't realize how that was going to go.
13:50
But there was that boat chase and that was OK.
13:52
We're hanging it all in the OK boat.
13:54
Yeah, it wasn't OK.
13:55
Boat chase. It was fine.
13:57
And again, that great disarmament scene where he uses the motor boat to like,
14:00
yeah, take off a guy's arm.
14:02
That was the best part about it.
14:03
I do. Hence why we're doing this podcast.
14:06
I'm assuming I know where this is going to go, but I have to ask
14:09
a good kid, bad cage, good movie, bad movie.
14:12
Yeah, this is bad on both sides.
14:14
Bad cage, bad movie, bad cage, bad movie, bad cage, bad cage.
14:20
I mean, your thumbs down was pretty, pretty emphatic, but no one can see.
14:23
Audio, audio format.
14:25
I was waiting for a shonda shut up so I could give my opinion.
14:30
We've all been waiting for Shonda. Shut up.
14:33
That's like half the podcast.
14:35
Everybody waiting for me to talk.
14:37
God, if we could only fast forward through this Sean stuff.
14:41
I have the power to just entirely remove him.
14:43
Yeah. Wouldn't that be weird if it was just me?
14:45
And like, I'm obviously having a conversation, but there's no Sean.
14:49
This is like Garfield minus Garfield.
14:51
This is starting to become hurtful.
14:55
And welcome back to cage match.
14:57
I'm Nick with my producer, Peter. Hello.
15:00
And that's it. This is all of us.
15:05
The full roster.
15:07
Why do I ask you guys to do things with me?
15:10
You did this to you. I know. I don't know why.
15:13
Let's just crank out like a quote real quick and get the hell off this movie.
15:17
I don't even have a quote.
15:18
Yeah, I know. It's so not quotable. I'm just going to pick one.
15:21
So on IMDb Joe narrating, you stay invisible too long.
15:27
The human race starts to look like another species.
15:30
So you venture out, you observe,
15:32
and then you return to your invisible world like a ghost.
15:37
It's just bad.
15:38
Yeah, I didn't have a quote for this one, but I will say on the hair topic,
15:41
it reminded me of Tom Hiddleston as Loki.
15:44
So then I went and I watched Loki instead, and that was a better choice.
15:47
Yeah, it was.
15:49
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
15:52
Welcome to the rock.
15:54
All right, Meredith, this is your favorite movie. Go.
15:56
Oh, my God, this movie fucking rocks.
16:00
Literally, it's a pun within a pun.
16:03
That's it. That's all that needs to be said.
16:05
It is peak Michael Bay.
16:08
It is peak Nick Cage.
16:10
It is peak stupid action movie.
16:12
It is peak car chases in San Francisco that are absurd.
16:17
It is just and that's like I didn't even mention Sean Connery
16:23
in those things, and he is also a delight.
16:26
It's just the best.
16:28
So real quick, Nicholas Cage plays Stanley Goodspeed.
16:32
Good name. Good. Yeah.
16:33
Sean Connery is John Patrick Mason and Ed Harris plays General Francis X Hummel.
16:39
And then there's a bunch of other people.
16:40
There's a lot of people in this. Yeah.
16:42
Most of them good. Yeah.
16:43
Oh, yeah. It's got Dr.
16:44
Cox. Yeah. John C McGinley's in it.
16:46
This was just the best mid to late 90s
16:50
action supporting character mashup
16:55
of all of these guys that I feel like were in every single action movie
16:59
from like 1995 to 2002 as sort of tertiary characters.
17:05
And they're all fantastic.
17:07
Meredith, when did you see this?
17:08
Did you see it when you were, you know, whatever, 12?
17:11
12. This movie.
17:12
You would have been six when you came out.
17:15
A perfect movie for a six year old.
17:17
So we had the VHS of it when I was seven
17:20
the year after it came out.
17:22
And I watched this movie probably once a week for like four years.
17:29
I love this movie from the ages of seven to like 10 or 11.
17:34
That is so much like my relationship with the movies
17:39
Men in Tights and Stripes, but Stripes because there was a shower scene
17:44
and Men in Tights because it's hilarious.
17:46
Yep. Confirmed. Men in Tights is golden.
17:49
I wore those tapes out.
17:51
I'm not even kidding you.
17:52
I have a distinct memory of my parents having a dinner party
17:56
when I was like seven or eight or something.
17:58
And they were all like talking and laughing and whatever.
18:01
And I was like, can I be excused?
18:02
And they were like, yes, get out of here, child.
18:04
We're going to go continue drinking and talking. Be gone, young one.
18:07
And I asked my brother, I was like, do you want to watch The Rock?
18:12
And he was like, hell yeah.
18:14
And so we just sat in the living room and like watched the VHS of The Rock
18:17
while our parents were like having a lovely dinner party.
18:20
And I was just like, this is so cool.
18:22
Meredith, this is again your favorite film and you're our guest.
18:25
So why don't you expand on it?
18:27
Rocks break this film down for us.
18:28
OK, Ed Harris is mad about war stuff with Marines
18:34
because they're forgotten by the government.
18:37
But what's the only way that he can solve this problem?
18:41
By stealing weapons, chemical weapons from some kind of facility.
18:48
I think a chemical weapons facility, a probably chemical.
18:51
If I had to guess, Nick, I would say it's a chemical weapons facility,
18:55
but I'm not sure.
18:57
But let's go not scientists like let's go with that.
19:00
So then Ed Harris and all of his crazy ass mercenary terrorists
19:06
take over Alcatraz Island with a bunch of tourists on it
19:11
in a bid to get the government to pay money
19:17
to the Marines that were forgotten on like a secret mission.
19:21
It doesn't make like a ton of sense that this would be like the best way
19:25
to make this happen.
19:27
But Ed Harris is very convincing and he has a bunch of dudes
19:30
that he's convinced to do it.
19:32
And then what? It's Washington, D.C.
19:34
Nick Cage is in a chemical lab.
19:37
There's this VX gas, but it's crazy.
19:40
He has to go to San Francisco to because there's these chemical weapons.
19:44
Oh, my God.
19:46
But then they're like, it's Alcatraz.
19:47
We can't get into Alcatraz.
19:49
There's no way no one's ever gotten out.
19:51
And then one guy's gotten out, but he's blacklisted.
19:55
He doesn't exist. Who is it?
19:57
It's fucking Sean Connery with long hair and he's amazing.
20:00
And then Nick Cage and Sean Connery and a bunch of Marines
20:05
who all die infiltrate Alcatraz.
20:07
They get like, but what is the thing I'm doing right now with my shot?
20:12
Shot. They get shot.
20:14
So Michael Bean played the lead.
20:15
A seal.
20:16
Basically, the rest of the movie is Nick Cage and Sean Connery
20:20
interacting, being the best.
20:23
And then they like save the day and whatever.
20:25
That might be our best synopsis.
20:27
You guys make notes.
20:28
That was really fucking good. Thank you.
20:30
You know, everyone at this table knows I don't learn.
20:33
I was playing Minesweeper.
20:36
Did you win?
20:37
No, that's why my computer made noises.
20:41
Somehow, I'd never seen this film.
20:44
What? Until now?
20:45
Yes. As an adult?
20:47
Yeah. No. And I.
20:48
And you were married to Meredith.
20:49
There are reasons.
20:51
Well, wait, Sean, we never watched this together.
20:54
You never shared this this thing with me.
20:56
You're getting second divorced.
20:58
This is grounds.
20:59
I just I must have assumed you'd already seen it because again,
21:03
it's a perfect film.
21:04
Mostly, I think I've tried to watch it in the first 10 minutes.
21:07
I always bounced off of just the Michael Bay slow strokes of the
21:11
military industrial complex.
21:13
Yeah, Michael Bay, man.
21:15
This is such a like you just watch it and you're like straight out of the
21:19
Michael Bay playbook.
21:21
Everything being shot at a low angle, kind of up while spinning
21:24
around people talking.
21:25
But that's how you know it's serious.
21:27
He apparently turned down this movie six months like earlier
21:30
because he didn't think the script was serious enough.
21:33
They are talking about annihilating the entire Bay area
21:39
with a chemical weapon because 85 people didn't get recognized
21:47
because they did some shady government shit like it's unhinged.
21:51
That also dates this movie in that if that were to take place now
21:55
and the government was like, well, California is going to go away.
21:57
More than half the government be like, that's all right.
21:59
I will say this was a very pre 9 11 pre rise of visible
22:06
white nationalist military groups pre a lot of things that we could say
22:12
are currently plaguing our country.
22:14
But I will say there was a certain pure delight in that of like,
22:18
these are dudes, they're mad about a thing and they're going to do
22:22
something totally fucking insane.
22:26
And isn't that fun?
22:27
And also like collateral damage.
22:29
What is that? We're the government.
22:31
We don't care.
22:32
I guess the most collateral damage would be the car chase through San Francisco.
22:36
An entirely worthless scene like needless.
22:38
Yeah, I mean, it's a fun car chase, but it's a needless scene to the film
22:42
actually causes some issues with the character of Nick Cage,
22:46
who isn't a field agent, isn't supposed to be an action guy and kind of
22:50
that's his arc, but he can, you know, drive that Lamborghini
22:53
through San Francisco like it's nothing.
22:55
He like jumps it through a fucking shop window.
22:57
Yeah. Fun fact.
22:58
It's cool.
22:59
And that car chase scene, the Humvee that Sean Connery steals,
23:04
the guy who he steals it from, same actor that Ed Harris
23:07
steals a car from in National Treasure 2.
23:10
Interesting. Yeah.
23:11
That's a that's a Bruckheimer connection.
23:13
That's a Bruckheimer connection.
23:14
This is one of five Bruckheimer's that we'll watch for this.
23:18
It's Nick Cage's first time working with Bruckheimer.
23:20
Also, the last time Bruckheimer worked with his producing partner,
23:24
they had a falling out due to drugs.
23:26
Who was doing them, who was buying them or selling them
23:29
and who was sharing? Not Bruckheimer.
23:31
I don't know what the guy's other name was.
23:33
Yeah, it's probably the guy that didn't continue a career.
23:36
If if there's one guy that like really suffered negatively
23:41
from the drug connection, it's probably the guy we don't know the name of.
23:44
That's fair. That's fair.
23:46
This is the start of peak Nick Cage action here, though,
23:49
because his next two films were Con Air and Face Off.
23:52
So this kicked off an era for him before this.
23:55
He was like mostly still in the comedy, sometimes drama thing.
24:00
Like we had Red Rock West, which is more the comedy.
24:02
Yeah, Red Rock West was definitely it.
24:05
I mean, it wasn't comedy, but it was.
24:06
Well, it was sort of like it was a comedy.
24:08
Dark comedy, farce.
24:10
And this was the next movie after his Oscar win.
24:13
This came out right after leaving.
24:15
He was really in the pocket right here.
24:16
Yeah, this is some of his best stuff.
24:18
That's what I mean. It's Pete.
24:20
He actually gives a shit.
24:22
He's actually clearly acting and invested
24:25
and is extremely funny and charming.
24:28
Again, with the exception of the weird car chase
24:32
consistent to his character, he was the one who decided his character
24:36
didn't swear. Oh, that's right.
24:37
There was a little bit of swearing in this movie.
24:39
But he just gives like a G and a golly.
24:42
Zeus's butthole, he he grabs Sean Connery and says, hey,
24:47
hey, Paul, and I was like, just say ask the man.
24:51
Come on. What do you say we cut the chit chat?
24:53
He whole. Yes.
24:55
I like when people say fucking a once they introduce Sean Connery,
24:58
they give Connery most of the best usual cage lines.
25:02
It doesn't really tell the third act where Nick Cage really starts caging out.
25:07
Yeah, definitely.
25:08
I mean, there is the whole thing where he goes off about how LPs sound better.
25:12
Which is just the best.
25:14
And also another thing that made me be like, how has Sean not seen this movie?
25:18
This is Sean.
25:18
You also it's the Beatles.
25:20
I think it's with the Beatles.
25:22
Sure. Yes. That because he's a he's a Beatles file.
25:25
No, he's a Beatle maniac maniac.
25:27
That's kind of like a Hulkamaniac, but Hulkamania is still running wild.
25:32
Is nobody remembers the Beatles stopped. Yeah.
25:36
Oh, yeah. I tell you something, brother.
25:39
I think you'll understand.
25:40
I mean, that was like a good I give you a 73 for that.
25:43
That's pretty good.
25:45
I'll take it. Yeah. I give it a 69.
25:48
Oh, nice.
25:49
Gave you a lower score than me.
25:52
But a funnier score. Yeah.
25:54
A funny, much funnier score.
25:56
Objectively, that's my ex wife, everybody.
25:58
You guys ever listen?
25:59
Speaking of Hulk Hogan, did you guys ever listen to the Hulk Hogan
26:03
and the wrestling boot band?
26:05
No. With such.
26:07
Oh, yeah. He played bass.
26:09
He had such bangers as I want to be a Hulkamaniac
26:14
having fun with my family and friends.
26:17
And then like some other wrestling used to be whole year.
26:21
I love everything about.
26:22
Yes. Of all the celebrities to just have a band, Hulk Hogan is the best.
26:27
Like, fuck Steven Seagal.
26:29
I want to see Hulk Hogan.
26:32
So and the Hulkamania.
26:33
I would just love to hear you continue to sing some of their greatest hits
26:37
from their oh, I know I've got a voice like honey, but
26:43
that's for the patrons.
26:45
Oh, yeah, we should do a special song.
26:47
And that's how we lose all our patrons.
26:50
I mean, they don't have to listen, Sean.
26:52
They can just stop and keep giving us money.
26:54
If you start a clip, you have to play it.
26:56
Yeah, yeah.
26:57
That's how we know you listened right back to malware.
26:59
It just plays immediately at full volume and there's no way to shut it down.
27:03
They won't let you do that anymore. Google stop that lame fucking Google.
27:06
Let me force the podcast on people.
27:09
How do you think this movie would have gone if it got its original lead?
27:13
Arnold Schwarzenegger as a scientist, as yeah, and as Nick Cage's role,
27:18
he was offered it originally turned it down and then later regretted it.
27:21
I mean, he's correct on that choice.
27:23
I mean, this was also that kind of peak time where Arnold Schwarzenegger
27:26
was just plain an average guy who happened to be a giant.
27:30
Like Jingle All the Way Twins.
27:32
But like Nick Cage is such a gangly weirdo that I was like,
27:37
it's actually believable that he would be a scientist. Exactly.
27:41
And a Beatle maniac.
27:42
Also, though, if we're tracking Nick Cage's chest and body hair, my God.
27:48
Oh, we are.
27:49
There's some disagreement as to why he he has his like naked in his apartment scene.
27:55
Michael Bay says we knew Nick Cage would want to take his shirt off,
27:57
so we just got it out of the way.
27:59
And Nick Cage's reasoning was, well, I just wanted to show that my character
28:03
was like comfortable at home.
28:05
He was very comfortable.
28:07
Just another tiny plot note, because like there is one woman in this film.
28:11
There's actually a couple of women in this film.
28:13
I mean, there's like a few, but like this movie is not for the ladies.
28:16
I'll just say it so you guys don't get canceled.
28:18
I mean, again, we had thanks.
28:20
We had mostly naked Nick Cage in like the first 15 minutes.
28:24
That was for the ladies. That was for me.
28:26
That was for Peter exclusively.
28:29
OK, they live in Washington, D.C.
28:31
Nicholas Cage and his romantic paramour,
28:34
and they very casually are fucking on their roof.
28:38
And I was like, I don't know of a single part of Washington, D.C.
28:41
that is not densely populated to the point that I would feel comfortable
28:46
fucking on my roof.
28:47
Hey, they're exhibitionists. Don't yuck.
28:49
Exactly. Rude.
28:50
You didn't hear the Inuit clap at the end.
28:52
So that's how you know Nick Cage is done.
28:56
God damn it.
28:57
As the heat from their body slowly melts the ice in the igloo.
29:00
Disgusting. Oh, God.
29:03
I love memories by Nick Cage.
29:05
Yeah. That's a call back to last episode.
29:07
Go listen to that one if you want to get the reference.
29:10
I do want to talk about a little a few behind the scenes things for The Rock.
29:13
So because there's a lot of there's a lot of wacky stuff.
29:16
Wait, before we talk about the behind the scenes stuff,
29:18
let's talk about the in the scene stuff.
29:20
Yeah, we really haven't talked about the movie at all.
29:22
I want to talk about the fucking weapon.
29:24
Hold on. The green oars.
29:26
The great oars are so cool.
29:28
They're so cool. I wanted those things so bad.
29:31
And there was a store in Kansas City when I was growing up
29:33
that was for like rich old white people.
29:35
And they had something that looked like that.
29:38
And it was just supposed to sit in like a vase on your coffee table.
29:41
And I wanted them so bad that I had no money because I was 12.
29:44
Similar to you.
29:45
I had these like from like Bath and Body Works or something,
29:49
because again, it was the mid to late 90s.
29:51
The like bubble bath orb things.
29:54
And because my dad is a real jokester and knew I loved the rock,
30:00
told me that those bubble bath things were poisonous.
30:07
I love your father.
30:09
You want your skin to get all bubbly and fall off?
30:11
Yeah, exactly. That's what he told me.
30:14
And I was like, why would my father ever lie to me?
30:16
He would never do that. Those must be poison.
30:19
And so I lived in fear of these bubble bath orbs in my bathroom.
30:23
And a similar story about John.
30:25
My father.
30:26
Shortly, shortly after our separation, I got an unmarked box in the mail.
30:32
And inside was just like a rusted canister.
30:36
I called John.
30:37
I'm like, and I saw it came from where Meredith and I used to live.
30:42
And I just like, I'm going to call John and see if this was him.
30:46
And he didn't pick up.
30:47
So I called Meredith and Meredith's like,
30:50
does it say like Gotham Gas Works on it?
30:52
I'm like, I didn't touch it.
30:53
And I like turned over and it did because John liked to get me like Gotham
30:57
Batman related things like, oh, this makes sense.
31:00
Card would have been nice.
31:01
Yeah. So you lived in the Bay Area.
31:05
Yes. Did either of you ever go to Alcatraz?
31:09
Yeah. No. Once.
31:10
Does it have as many chains as they show in this movie?
31:13
I mean, not in the places that they allow you to go.
31:15
There are so many decorative chains in this film.
31:19
It is like a BDSM shoot at Kink Dotcom.
31:21
So which also used to be in the Bay Area, which also used to be in the Bay Area.
31:25
It used to be in the armory.
31:27
We're in Soma, like near our school, near our college that we went to.
31:32
No, just going back to Alcatraz real quick.
31:35
The powers that be, the producers wanted this film to be done on a soundstage
31:39
in L.A. with just a few shots of Alcatraz to kind of sell it to San Francisco.
31:44
Michael Bay was quoted as saying, I got to shoot on the island
31:47
because this island is so fucking bitching.
31:49
That's a very Michael Bay thing to have said.
31:52
Yes. Sean Connery lived on the island for the shoot.
31:56
What?
31:57
Sean Connery had them build a cabin on the island for him to live on
32:01
because he didn't want to commute to and from the city every day.
32:04
I just imagine him bathing in that gross ass cistern.
32:08
I just imagine him in Zardoz,
32:10
and that's the only thing I ever picture him in that movie's gold.
32:14
There was one day, I think it was when Sean and I were in college,
32:18
and we were talking about Sean Connery and we were on the like bus to go to school.
32:24
And I said something about Zardoz.
32:26
I was like, oh, yeah, Connery and Zardoz, the man of my dreams.
32:29
And Sean was like, what are you talking about?
32:31
And I was like, everybody on this whole bus, shut up.
32:36
We're about to talk about Zardoz.
32:39
And I pulled up the photo of like Sean Connery in his like
32:42
sexy ass bikini with his like bulge and the braid and the whole thing.
32:48
The whole thing.
32:49
And Sean was just like.
32:52
What?
32:54
Like it broke, it broke your brain, like I could see it happening.
32:58
And I was so proud.
33:00
Yeah, that's the man that my parents decided to name me after.
33:03
Yes, it is. Oh, yeah.
33:06
And what a man choice choice.
33:07
Yeah, respect. Yes.
33:09
Yes. So I grew up around the Bay Area.
33:13
Obviously, Sean and I went to school there. Sean is from there.
33:16
It was very sweet to see late 90s San Francisco again.
33:20
I was like, oh, my God, the San Francisco of my youth, not the one that is
33:24
crowded with tech bros wearing fucking Pataguchi jackets and whatever.
33:29
That chase sequence would be much different right now
33:31
with the current traffic in that city.
33:33
So the chemistry of Sean Connery and Nicholas Gage cannot be denied.
33:37
It's perfect. Oh, make this movie. It's amazing.
33:39
It's perfect. It's good.
33:41
What did you guys think of the the old Hans Zimmer score?
33:45
I don't remember it.
33:46
Yeah, none of it actually strikes me as memorable.
33:50
The only moment that is vaguely memorable score wise is when Nick Cage
33:55
like has jabbed himself in the heart with atropine at the very end of the film.
34:00
And it's like.
34:01
You mean when he jabs himself in the stomach with it?
34:03
I mean, yeah, exactly.
34:05
It was like in his diaphragm.
34:07
I was like, Brody, you know where your heart is?
34:10
You're a scientist.
34:11
And he like goes out with the two flares and it's like,
34:16
and it's amazing.
34:17
And there's like blue angels are coming in and it's like, oh, God.
34:20
And the music swells and it's just like peak testosterone.
34:23
And it's really great.
34:24
This is the era of Final Fantasy Eight was coming out.
34:28
There was a demo disc that got bundled with a game called Brave Fencer Musashi.
34:32
I don't know if any of you guys played that one.
34:33
I remember I remember this game and I remember this disc. Yeah.
34:36
And the demo has the beginning of Final Fantasy Eight.
34:39
It's like a landing scene where you're landing on an island
34:42
and it's a big military move. Yeah.
34:44
And the music on that demo disc ripped this score off so fucking bad
34:50
that they had to change it for the actual release of the game.
34:54
It's awesome. I love it.
34:55
That's my fun fact. Let's talk about Ed Harris's villain,
35:16
because he's really good in this and he's always the villain, though.
35:21
Oh, what about Apollo 13? I think that's good, Ed Harris.
35:23
He's just such a good villain, though he has intense face.
35:28
You know how some people have resting bitch face.
35:30
He just has like resting intense face.
35:33
He's like the dad you don't respect.
35:35
My problem is I always envision him wearing a Kangol hat.
35:40
I'm just thinking about Kangol.
35:42
So now I'm thinking about Kangol's.
35:44
No, not not Kangol's and Kangol's Kangol.
35:47
Like a K.
35:48
Go hat. Like, why do you have a hat on it?
35:51
You know, a K.
35:52
Goals hold the hat in place, you know, the place where you do Kangol's.
35:55
But with your head, just
35:58
know, you can actually just suck a hat off of someone's head.
36:01
Yeah. With the power of your K.
36:03
Goals, use your magic.
36:06
Can you imagine somebody zip lining over you and then just
36:09
take your hat right off?
36:12
And then they zip away.
36:13
This is what John fears every day.
36:15
And you're just like, oh, but you're really sad because you lost your hat.
36:19
I love a story, though.
36:24
No one would believe you.
36:25
Yeah, nobody would.
36:27
But no, there is like really good at this.
36:30
And also he's doing this for the right reasons.
36:32
And at the end, he even kind of, you know, oh, we bluffed and they,
36:36
you know, they called it.
36:37
So he was never going to blow up the Bay Area.
36:41
Yeah. At one point, they said he's not not a Raiders fan
36:45
because the one missile they do fire, they said to Oakland,
36:48
for the football game, they were going to the baseball game.
36:51
It was the Giants, not.
36:53
No, it was in Oakland.
36:54
It was in Oakland. So it would be the A's.
36:56
No, but they said they said they said they saw game.
37:00
We're going to fact check this shit.
37:02
Yeah. OK.
37:03
Sorry. I will just say that I know it wasn't the Coliseum
37:07
because the seats were red.
37:09
The seats were red.
37:10
And Oko does not have red seats.
37:13
They do.
37:13
Of people to know about this, you would be one of those people to know.
37:17
I've sat in those seats.
37:18
I know they're not.
37:19
Nick has just been on the Internet trying to prove his point.
37:22
I heard him tapping away.
37:23
I was curious what was going on.
37:25
I was wrong. It wasn't a baseball game, but it was Candlestick Park.
37:31
Weird, because that is not in Oakland.
37:33
No, it's not. No, it's not.
37:35
I mean, it was also all CG as well.
37:37
You mean they didn't just launch and abort
37:42
a missile filled with sarin gas. Cowards.
37:45
Cowards. Either way, those stadiums are right next to each other.
37:49
So it doesn't really matter.
37:50
Well, the other thing that I love to just like if you're from the Bay Area,
37:54
they're talking about how they're going to launch a missile at San Francisco.
37:57
It's at San Francisco, San Francisco.
38:00
And then the first missile they launched, they said that shit to Oakland.
38:05
Well, since this film Michael Beans in this film for a bit, he's fun.
38:08
The most scrawny action hero there is.
38:11
Who was he? Who is he?
38:13
He was Hicks in Aliens.
38:15
He was in Terminator.
38:17
John Connor's dad. Yeah.
38:19
Or whatever. I can't remember his name in the first Terminator.
38:21
Yeah, I can't remember either.
38:22
Kyle Reese. No, I mean, who was he in in this film that we're talking about?
38:25
He was the leader of the Seals when they came in.
38:29
He was always like, I can't give that order.
38:31
They won't give that order when they get shot in the shower.
38:35
I just love Michael Beans.
38:36
So whenever I see him in something, I'm like, hey, it's Michael Beans.
38:38
One of my random actor notes is I wrote Slick Hair Little Mustache.
38:44
That was a guy named Paxton who was played by William Forsythe,
38:47
who the last time we saw him, he was playing John Goodman's
38:50
brother in Raising Arizona. Yeah.
38:53
So I do want to just make sure we get in here.
38:55
Sean Connery got like the entire crew sick.
38:58
With what? So all herpes.
39:03
All of the so when they were doing all the water scenes, interior
39:07
water scenes, Sean Connery wanted the water to be heated to 90 degrees.
39:12
And then like everyone got the stomach flu and doctors were just like,
39:14
yeah, it's a fucking Petri dish that you made there.
39:16
If someone pooped in the water. Yeah.
39:18
So just yeah. That's just it was Sean Connery.
39:22
He's just saying they're like.
39:25
That's like a thing in.
39:26
Fuck you, woman.
39:28
Of like under 40 degrees and above whatever, like 140 degrees,
39:35
like bacteria can't survive, but anything that's between like 41 degrees
39:39
and 139 degrees like bacteria thrives.
39:42
Sean Connery, stop it.
39:44
Where do we fall on?
39:45
Is is is he James Bond or not?
39:48
100 percent. You know this theory, right?
39:51
I kind of dig this theory. Walk us through it, though.
39:53
But the whole premise is Sean Connery is or, you know,
39:58
his character, Mason, was an S.A.S.
40:00
agent caught at the Canadian border with some microfiche of all of America's,
40:04
you know, dirty secrets and then was disappeared
40:08
because he never told them where it was.
40:09
So he's just been on like a black site for 30 years with like no trial.
40:14
The British haven't claimed him because they couldn't.
40:17
And the U.S. like can't acknowledge that they have him.
40:21
And it winds up, you know, he would have been arrested
40:25
like the year after his last James Bond movie would have taken place.
40:30
And I think that is largely it.
40:32
Can we just say he is and then becomes canon in the cage verse?
40:38
I'm cool with that.
40:39
Well, especially because the NCU is a multiversal concept, as we now know.
40:45
Well, also, this movie ends at the start of National Treasure.
40:49
Yeah, right. It does tie in like the movie ends with Nick Cage
40:53
and his new newlywed wife
40:57
going to a church and stealing the leg off a pew,
41:01
which had the microfilm in it.
41:02
And like the last line of the film is Nick Cage being like, Hey, honey,
41:05
you want to know who killed JFK the best?
41:08
So, yeah, this movie just leads right into National Treasure.
41:11
Because then he's like, I don't need to be a government chemical
41:16
scientist anymore.
41:17
I need to go find this goddamn treasure that the United States has been hiding.
41:22
And I'm changing my name to Benjamin Franklin.
41:25
Yes. So Michael Bay did have an idea for a sequel to this,
41:29
where Nick Cage's character Stanley is on the run from the government
41:34
because of the microfiche, and he has to go track down Mason
41:37
to like help him get away.
41:39
I'm glad they didn't do it.
41:40
I'm glad they didn't do it.
41:42
National Treasure is perfect as a sequel to this.
41:45
I just love also that this is like the quintessential 90s
41:50
one off action movie that is not concerned with the collateral damage.
41:55
It's not concerned really with the outcome.
41:58
It's just like we're going to go blow some shit up in the San Francisco Bay area.
42:02
Is everybody on board? Great. Let's go.
42:05
All right. So where do you put this on the performance review?
42:08
Then good cage, good movie, good cage, good movie.
42:11
Yeah, that's fine.
42:13
Wow. Nick, well, OK.
42:14
So this has been my favorite action film so far.
42:17
Yeah, Nick, you have.
42:19
But you've actually been kind of quiet on this one.
42:20
What what are your feelings on this flick?
42:22
I think it's it's the kind of movie where like it's great.
42:26
Nostalgic Lee.
42:28
But then when I started to like critically watch it and like
42:31
it doesn't have as much peak to me as it does just in my memory.
42:37
I'm sorry. The science doesn't hold up as well as face off.
42:39
Yeah. Penis swapping technology, swapping technology.
42:42
No, I think you're not come around on that.
42:44
I think they are actually penis twins.
42:46
I think they're dick twins.
42:48
Travolta and cage. Oh, OK.
42:50
I was thinking Sean Connery. No, I mean, maybe they had great chemistry.
42:55
Can you have dick triplets?
42:56
That's Eric. What you would know what a triptych is, right?
43:01
So would America. Yeah.
43:03
So I would know.
43:04
A triptych, a triptych of like all three like it would take the same
43:10
things or whatever.
43:12
But I mean, different size.
43:14
Dicks would all be the same, but their thighs would be different.
43:16
I kind of want to make that you can put that in the entrance and then
43:19
underneath, you can just have like the live laugh love.
43:22
I just really want to go down a line of what I think all of these actors
43:28
dicks look like.
43:30
So starting with OK, starting with Sean Connery,
43:35
feel like definitely not a shower.
43:38
But as soon as it shows, you're like, God damn, like.
43:45
I was mistaken.
43:46
Turtleneck, I was yes, like I was mistaken, sir.
43:49
I I apologize.
43:51
Feel like he's also a huge man.
43:54
So it's like you got to have some perspective there.
43:56
Yeah. But like still, like even for that, you're like, whoa, that
44:00
it was shocking.
44:02
Nick Cage feel like his dick very,
44:07
very big flaccid, which is always kind of weird
44:12
and like kind of thin and like difficult getting hard,
44:16
like difficult to get and maintain, you know.
44:19
Now, it's Oscar worthy.
44:22
Is it difficult for him to get it hard or is it difficult for an outsider
44:26
to get it hard?
44:27
Why don't we just work his sister's only he know how to work it.
44:31
One yogurt on the toes.
44:32
Yogurt. Yeah.
44:33
He he is an expert on the hardware that he operates.
44:38
Do you know what I'm saying?
44:40
Everybody else clapped enough cheeks at this point, too,
44:42
like you got to bring your a game.
44:44
Yeah, like you got to know.
44:46
And he's like, I could have this done in 10 seconds.
44:49
And like this is going to be a whole ordeal if someone else is interacting with it.
44:54
But like on the surface, though, incredibly impressive.
44:57
But then you're like ultimately disappointed.
45:00
I need you to hit John Travolta last.
45:01
But I also think that we are going to have our second podcast
45:05
be Meredith describes celebrity genitals.
45:08
And it'll just be you doing this for like 30 minutes an episode.
45:12
I would super love that because I have a lot of opinions.
45:14
OK, so Travolta.
45:18
Real coke, real coke can on that guy, I think, just like
45:24
Chody is a motherfucker, just like really.
45:27
Chody motherfucker.
45:28
Yeah, like it's not it's not long, but it's like girthy.
45:32
You know what I mean?
45:33
To the point that it's almost like like the length wasn't going to be an issue,
45:37
but like we need like a lot of lube in this situation because like this.
45:42
I appreciate the the penis evaluations.
45:44
Good predictions, prognostications.
45:47
Yeah, those are prognostications.
45:49
Those are my completely.
45:51
Completely factual, 100 percent accurate,
45:54
well researched opinions about Sean Connery, Nick Cage
45:58
and John Travolta's genitalia.
46:01
Yeah, yeah, big meaty cocks.
46:06
Do we want to do quotes and start to kind of tie this up?
46:09
Yeah, I think we unless there's other like really specific things
46:12
that anyone has about the movie.
46:14
I think we can probably go watch it.
46:15
It's amazing. Go watch it.
46:16
It's amazing.
46:18
There's no boat chase.
46:19
There is no boat, which is which is weird because it's about the.
46:25
I mean, it's like in the water.
46:26
It's about the rock.
46:27
Well, it's about the rock.
46:29
It's not about the water.
46:30
It's about the boat on rocks.
46:31
Actually, when you boat on rocks, there's usually just disaster.
46:36
Yeah, it's bad news.
46:38
Any any sea captain will tell you that.
46:40
Meredith, do you have a quote for this film as a guess?
46:43
You could go first.
46:43
I feel like everything that Sean Connery says is amazing
46:47
and everything that Cage says is amazing.
46:49
So anything that they say at any point in this film is my favorite quote.
46:53
Nick, I don't find it to be like a remarkably quotable movie.
46:59
I don't know.
47:00
Like I said, this movie's fine.
47:04
But if I had to say something,
47:06
I would just pick out the the haircutting scene where like
47:15
Sean Connery is getting his haircut and by the peak 90s, like flamboyant.
47:22
The worst gay stereotype of the mid 90s.
47:27
Yeah. And so Mason just asks, am I out of style?
47:31
And Goodspeed just says, unless you're a 20 year old,
47:34
unless you're a 20 year old guitarist from Seattle, it's a grunge thing.
47:38
And it's like, that line sucked.
47:40
Actually, every time he opened his mouth to talk about music, I resented him.
47:47
That's totally fair.
47:49
I might. I got I got a Sean Connery.
47:52
I'm a Beatle man.
47:53
I'll do a Kate. My cage first.
47:55
Well, I'm one of those fortunate people who like my job, sir.
47:59
Got my first chemistry set when I was seven.
48:01
Blew my eyebrows off.
48:02
We never saw the cat again, but into it ever since my Connery is
48:07
when they're it's just the two of them and they're about to go like raid the rock.
48:12
Sean Connery goes in your best.
48:15
Luna's losers always whine about the best
48:18
winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
48:20
That was a great one. I loved that.
48:24
Sean, I need your help on this.
48:25
OK, who am I? Who am I?
48:27
Oh, you are his fiance.
48:28
Oh, you didn't mean what you just said, did you?
48:30
When? Just right now, when you were talking about
48:34
bringing a child into the world and it being an act of cruelty.
48:37
Well, I meant it at the time.
48:40
Stanley, at the time, you said it seven and a half seconds ago.
48:43
Well, gosh, kind of a lot has happened since then.
48:48
That's a good line.
48:50
And of course, you know, when when they're actually caught
48:52
and in their cells, you broke out.
48:55
Let me see if I can get the straight down the incubator chute
48:58
on the mine car through the tunnels to the power plant under the steam engine.
49:03
That was really cool, by the way, and into the cistern, though,
49:06
the through the intake pipe.
49:09
But how in the name of Zeus's butthole, did you get out of your cell?
49:13
I only ask because in our current situation,
49:16
well, it could prove to be useful information, maybe just so many
49:21
peak cage moments.
49:23
That's why he really starts like cage out.
49:25
Yeah, he turns it on in the latter half for sure.
49:28
There's one more I needed just when he's, you know,
49:31
disarming the last missile.
49:33
Listen, I think we got off on the wrong foot.
49:36
Stan Goodspeed, FBI.
49:38
Let's talk music.
49:39
Do you like Elton John song?
49:41
Rocket Man?
49:42
I don't like soft ass shit.
49:45
Oh, you. Oh, oh, oh, oh, well, I only bring it up because it's you.
49:51
You're the rocket man.
49:52
And then launches a missile into the guy's chest. That was kind of rad.
49:56
Which didn't kill him falling out of the building
50:00
and then being impaled on a fence post kills.
50:02
Oh, yeah, I forgot that that's how that guy ended.
50:05
I think the most gruesome missile, the missile probably did the work,
50:07
but then it has to impale the fucker.
50:10
I love that the missile did the work.
50:13
Speaking of people falling out of windows.
50:15
Yeah, it was robbing the place and like they were using nonlethal
50:19
like it's bean bags and they bean bag a guy.
50:22
But then he gets thrown out a window and like down
50:25
like at least one floor.
50:27
Yeah. And it just like dies on the concrete.
50:30
I know it was good use of nonlethal weapons. Yeah.
50:34
Thanks, Michael. Good shit.
50:37
So, I mean, I think that takes us to the end.
50:39
You know, what do you guys think?
50:40
Actually, that brought us back to the beginning.
50:42
That's true. It's no, it's of course the rock. Yeah.
50:46
I know you're kind of begrudging on that one, but no, I mean, it's
50:49
they can't all be Bangkok dangerous.
50:52
I had to look to see what this was going to go up against
50:55
just in case Bangkok Dangerous would be a better matchup.
50:58
But I think it's a disservice to everybody if we just start cheating
51:02
and choosing things that way.
51:04
The Rock is fine. No, it's not a bad movie.
51:06
I'm not anti the rock. I'm just.
51:09
Yeah, I mean, the rock is definitely like of an era.
51:11
It is strongly of an era and it is very of a specific moment in time.
51:17
And I think if you can just shut your brain off
51:20
and not think about it critically, you're like, yeah, that's usually not a problem
51:25
for me. I mean, look, Nick, I wasn't going to make assumptions
51:29
and be like, you know, Nick, how you always do.
51:32
Yeah, with my sandwiches and such.
51:35
Yeah, with sandwich with all of the sandwiches you eat.
51:38
Like it's just it's a whole thing.
51:41
I will also say, though, Lindy West, who is a film critic
51:45
and a really funny writer, wrote like an essay about the rock.
51:50
And I highly recommend if you can find it, definitely read it
51:53
because it's a it's a delight.
51:55
It's just the best.
51:58
I don't do a lot of academic reading if I can avoid it.
52:01
Especially not for this.
52:02
This academic writing isn't so academic as much as basically
52:07
just everything I said about the rock she wrote down on paper.
52:11
If you could get somebody to maybe just film it
52:16
or record it on a podcast that you can listen to later.
52:18
And actually, I mean, on occasion, that would literally not work
52:22
because I don't listen to podcasts.
52:24
You listen to this podcast.
52:25
Did Lindy West describe celebrity penises?
52:28
Lindy West is not.
52:29
And you know what? That's the X factor I bring.
52:32
You know what I'm saying?
52:33
Perfect. Oh, yeah.
52:35
Do you have anything else you want to plug, Meredith? Phrasing.
52:39
Shut up.
52:40
I know my audience and current and at the moment, my audience is my ex wife.
52:46
I'm going to not take the bait on that one.
52:48
If people want to see my misadventures in owning a house,
52:51
they can check me out on Instagram at Lawn Daddy Lives Here.
52:56
Great name. Thank you.
52:57
Other than that, no, I would just encourage everybody
53:01
to listen to this great podcast called Cage Match.
53:05
Has these two great folks on it.
53:07
Sean and Nick, they're great.
53:09
Peter's there as well. It's amazing.
53:11
I love it.
53:12
You and subscribe.
53:14
Wow. Doing all our work for. Yeah, actually.
53:16
So I'm really excited for next time because we're finally watching
53:19
the unbearable weight of massive talent.
53:21
Yeah. So people can finally stop yelling at us for not having seen that movie.
53:25
Yeah. Which would be really nice.
53:27
I have limited time.
53:28
We're doing unbearable weight of massive talents.
53:31
A lot of words. And what else?
53:32
The trust, which is him and Elijah Wood.
53:36
Yeah. And they've got cool mustaches.
53:38
Oh, OK. That's right.
53:39
And I think they do a heist. I don't know.
53:41
Yeah, they're like time traveling heistians.
53:46
Heistians. Yeah.
53:47
Who are pulling off a job against.
53:52
I think it was a Christy Yamaguchi.
53:54
Yeah, I think you got it. That's perfect.
53:56
So stay tuned for that one.
53:58
Please do rate, review and subscribe.
54:01
It is very helpful.
54:02
It'd be great to have any other reviews other than Meredith,
54:04
although that was a great one. We really appreciate it.
54:07
I'll come find you at your house and make you write a review for this podcast.
54:11
Don't think I won't do it.
54:13
I have a lot of airline miles.
54:15
Laundaddy is going to come for you, but not enough to be here in person
54:18
for the podcast. Yeah. What the fuck, Meredith?
54:20
Yeah. Where are those air miles now?
54:22
Look, I use them sparingly and only for vengeance purposes.
54:27
Nick, this is for fun.
54:29
If you want to, if you want to interact with us at all,
54:33
you can find us on Reddit or Twitter or Instagram.
54:37
But Reddit is probably the best one.
54:38
That's a cage match pod.
54:40
If you are. Nick's only fans.
54:43
Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's definitely butts and dicks there. Yeah.
54:47
Not his that weirdly enough. No.
54:50
Let me finish.
54:52
Dear God, I'm trying to help you finish.
54:57
You're trying to help a lot of people finish, Nick.
54:59
That's your whole only fans thing.
55:02
That's the whole point, right?
55:04
If you are interested in supporting us, we are on Patreon at Patreon.com
55:08
slash cage match.
55:09
Special thanks to our Sparkle buddies, Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico,
55:14
Matt and Adam, and the special, special thanks to our cage dancers.
55:19
A name we totally came up with ourselves.
55:21
Ira and John Meredith, thank you for being here.
55:24
Thank you all for having me.
55:26
I'm so sorry for everything I've done and said.
55:30
That's not true.
55:31
No, it's not. I think this turned out great.
55:32
I have zero regrets.
55:35
Nick, sing us out.
55:37
Bye bye.
55:39
I don't know the rest of that song.
55:42
That's the only important part.
55:44
The part where my voice cracks like I'm still in puberty.
55:47
Yes.
55:58
All right.
55:59
So I just want to say this because I saw this and laughed.
56:01
The assistant prop master was named Skip Crank.
56:06
Man, you never skip a crank.
56:09
You can't get backed up.
56:11
Not on a Sunday.
56:13
Well.
56:16
What is going on out there?
56:18
Lightning we established.
56:19
I know, but it's weird.
56:21
I'm not used to hearing like big thunder.
56:23
You all have been away. I'm scared.
56:24
Man, you all have been away from the East Coast for too long.
56:27
Well, I just saw thunder Peter.
56:30
I don't know if either of you have ever lived in the East Coast.
56:34
Please don't call me big thunder.
56:38
I just want the listeners at home to know Sean has a tattoo on the back.
56:42
We don't need to do this.
56:43
That says tethered virtue.
56:45
That's from a poem that he wrote when I was 17.
56:49
When he was 17.
56:51
I'm back in the conversation.
56:53
Let's not.
56:54
What do you have to do with an Inuit?
56:57
And then and he has a tattooed on the back of his neck.
56:59
It's beautiful.
57:00
Like it is a beautiful script tattoo.
57:03
But when I first met Sean ages ago, I like asked him about it.
57:07
And he was like, I don't want to talk about it.
57:09
And then like several years later, I got the full story.
57:12
And I was just like, this is the best thing ever.
57:14
And I love it.
57:15
Someday I'm going to get a tattoo of Guy Fieri on my butt cheek.
57:20
And it's just going to be his face.
57:22
And it's going to say welcome to flavor town around it.
57:25
Perfect.
57:25
Fuck, yes.
57:27
It's the perfect tattoo.