Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - Fertility & miscarriage

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Friday feature - Fertility & miscarriage · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoge production.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: So today we'll be talking mainly about just our own experiences,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: me with having a miscarriage and with us both like
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: just trying to conceive. I feel like this is such
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: a heavy topic and everyone has got their own situation.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I almost sometimes feel a little bit nervous talking about
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: this topic because I know, even though I've gone through
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: hard times and you have gone through hard times, your
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: heart always feels so heavy for the people that you
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: know and the stories that you hear of what other
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: people are going through and what they deal with, you know,
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: month to month.
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  Speaker 3: It's just crazy how common it is, how many women
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: can't feel pregnant, struggle to for pregnant, lose babies, like
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: you just think it's something that will come so naturally
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: and it should come naturally. It's like breastfeeding too, you know,
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: it's something that you just expect is going to be
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: easy and just work, and it just doesn't know. But
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: it's such a gut wrenching, wrenching like journey for so
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: many females to go through. And how we thought would
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  Speaker 3: share your story today, and we know so many women
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: out there go through this and if you do need support,
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: there's so many awesome forums out there too, but definitely
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: to make sure you've got the support around you when
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: you are going through tough times like this.
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  Speaker 2: Definitely, and when I was personally going through it, this
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: was the stuff that really helped me listening to other
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: women sharing their stories and hearing other people being open about.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: It, because it made me not feel alone.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: We do not feel alone, but still to this day,
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I do find it a struggle to talk about. I
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: think it's one of those things that I've kind of
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: like pushed down. Yeah, I guess get into how we
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: end up having our miscarriage and kind of the story
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: of what happened. We had had Miller. We were absolutely
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: so stoked to have her, like just young parents, like
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: so excited and have your that new little family, and
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: we always knew we wanted to have multiple kids if
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: we could. Yeah, we actually didn't know how our trying
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: to conceive journey would go because Kurt's mum and dad struggled.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Kurt was actually IVF and his brother was like a
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: miracle came afterwards, but we never really knew how we
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: were going to go because it was hereditary. So we
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: always kind of went in with being like, oh we
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: don't really know how everything is going to go. And
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: with Miller, we didn't try, but didn't not try, and
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: eight months later we were pregnant and we were like, oh.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: My gosh for having a baby.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: But yeah, after having her, we tried pretty early on.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like she was maybe like just around one
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: and it was our very first go and I fell
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: pregnant and I remember being like, oh my.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Gosh, like that's crazy.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I was so excited. We did not wait, like as
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, we like
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: told both of our families and just so excited to
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: bring a new little bubby into the world. And at
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: this time, Kurt was boxing, so I was at home
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: with Miller doing bits and pieces, and it was also plumbing,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: so life was really really busy. But I remember one
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: day I was at home on my own with Miller
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: and Kurt was at work, and I was like, went
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: to the bathroom and I started to bleed. For me
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: in pregnancy. This has been a reoccurrence throughout Miller's pregnancy.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: I bled the entire time. So to some people, they
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: might listen to that and be like but I was like, oh, sweet,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: like it's all good. I've bled throughout my whole last pregnancy,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: and Miller is here, she is safe, Everything is fine.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: So I called Kurt. I feel like every time you
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: do see it though, you still do have that moment
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: of like oh shit, you know, like what's gonna happen?
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: So I rained Kurt.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: He came home, went to the doctors and they can't.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: This is a hard thing when it's early pregnancy. This
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: is probably around about six weeks I want to say,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: maybe seven six weeks. They took my bloods and blood
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: results came back a couple days later and they were like,
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: it's fine, like everything's all good. It looks like it's
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: totally fine, and they said they'll keep taking the bloods
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: actually to watch to see if they go lower or higher.
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  Speaker 2: Went back a couple days later and they had risen,
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  Speaker 2: but they hadn't doubled.
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  Speaker 1: They meant to double.
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  Speaker 2: They're meant to double every I think forty eight hours.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: It might be yeah, every couple of days, we'd have
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: to go back in. They were rising, but they weren't
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: rising enough. This is the hard thing about early pregnancy.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: It was so early on that they couldn't really like
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  Speaker 2: tell what was going on. They could see that there
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: was the yo because that would it is the yoke,
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: and then there was like the sack of the Yeah,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: so the yoke part wasn't there yet, but it wasn't
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: supposed to be formed yet. That's how early on it was.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: What ended up happening was like I had a big
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: bleed again, and I was like, oh my god. And
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: then there was a thought of like maybe you're losing
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: a twin. Maybe this is happening, because there's so many
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: different things that it can be. Kurt was out at a
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: boxing thing one night and the bleeding just came on
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: like hectic, and I was like, Fuck, that's not good.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: It's not just a little bit of blood.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: There is a lot.
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  Speaker 2: He came home and then it's just so hard to
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: because when you're that early on, there's nothing they can do.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: They go, let's just wait and see what happens kind
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: of thing. So when in the next day tried to
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: do a scan again, they could see it like my
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: uterus growing, but they couldn't actually see anything, and they
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: were like it could turn into something, it might not.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: I just remember feeling like what the hell is going on?
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Like I just want to be excited or I just
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: want this to end because I just felt so. So anyways,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: we went to one specific hospital. They basically kept taking
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: bloods and they kept doing the same thing. I got
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: to nine weeks pregnant, I was still having HGG and
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: it wasn't going down. It was still rising.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Which is a good sign, which is a good.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Sign normally, but then it was nothing on ultrasound. So
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: my obstetricians was like, something is not right, and I
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: was like, I know. I was like, I knew something
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: wasn't right. She's like, there is no that I can
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: see from your old town. There's no viable pregnancy there.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: But the fact that your hCG is still rising you're
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: not actually losing the baby, so something is going on.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: She's like, I'm going to put you in for emergency surgery.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: So I think it's like the next morning she took
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: me in, opened me up, and there was a mass
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: in my left tube, so the baby had actually implanted
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: inside my tube.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: So because that other.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Place that I went to just waited so long, you
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: can get a shit and it just like helps you
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: to miscarry and it's all fine. But because they waited
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: so long, they had no choice. Actually had to remove
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: my left tube. So it's called an ectopic pregnancy, but basically, yeah,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: it just gets stuck in the process of going through
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: your falopian tube into your uterus. It's uncommon, but it
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: is also something that you do hear of, Like the
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: more you open up about it and you talk to
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: other people about it, people like, oh, I know this
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: person who had it can be life threatening because you
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: start to bleed internally. It was pretty gnali and I
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: think just the fact of them having to take my
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: tube out too, and knowing that my fertility wasn't going
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: to be as great was something that was really hard.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: And then also like you just go in and you
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: don't know what your outcome is going to be or
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: what is going on. They took the tube out, then
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: they said that I had to wait a certain amount
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: of time before trying again. And when we started to
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: try again, that six months from having that miscarriage to
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: actually falling pregnant was so fun tough and I cannot
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: even imagine. I cannot even start to try to imagine
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: what other women go through when they are yearning for
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: a baby, Like it literally makes me like breaks my
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: heart because I remember every single month when my period
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: was due and it would come. All I wanted was
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: that baby that I lost. I remember just being like
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: I just want like and I was honestly probably as
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: well a little bit trying to fill the void because
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: like I just want another one here. So I've like
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: got like that outcome that I was wanting, that exciting outcome.
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  Speaker 2: But so many people that I know go through multiple miscarriages,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: and we've had a couple other ones that we've had
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  Speaker 2: before I've tested early and then my period has come.
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  Speaker 2: You just hear of women's stories and what they go through,
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  Speaker 2: and my heart just like fully goes.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Out to them. I can't even imagine.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Nun there's words, nuh, But yeah, I just remember that time,
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  Speaker 2: Like that was the longest six months.
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  Speaker 1: I remember. I was just like miserable.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I nearly got like obsessed with it.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you do when you're trying.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: Once you decide you want to have a baby and
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: you try, it's all you think about, consume things.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so consuming.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: But then after having one, like you can see why, yes,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: like you can. It's so like understandable for these women
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: to be like trying everything they can because it's like
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: the most incredible experience, and I feel so blessed to
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: have my babies. Like, yeah, I know you do as well,
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: but yeah, I just thought that that's like a little
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: story that I could kind of open up and share.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: In that time of my life, I felt so alone
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: and I used to just go watch and listen to
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: all this type of stuff. Yeah, anything for me to
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: feel like a little bit more connected or for somebody
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: to say how they felt and for me too.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: But they get it.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, me to understand.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: Because people that haven't been through it, Like I haven't
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: been through a miscarriage, so I can't say I understand,
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Like I can only imagine the pain, but I can't
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: say I understand.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so hard.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I think the hardest part as well is it's because
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: when you find out you're pregnant, you're so excited, so
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: many emotions, You're so happy, and you'll like straight away
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: start planning so we can do this in that room
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: that one can have this year and this can do this,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: so you like have this whole life of plan of
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: what you're wanting to do, and then it's just like
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: get snatched away from you and it happens like so.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Quickly, really does so tough. Yeah, I'm so sorry you
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: had to go through that.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Oh thanks, just same, Oh so hard. Yeah, I've got
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: so many girlfriends that go through similar things. It just
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: breaks my heart. Yeah, honestly makes me also, Yeah, very
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: very grateful to have my two babies. But yeah, we
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: were really really lucky. With Taj we fell pregnant first,
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: go really really lucky. But with Tyler it is so
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: much longer. It was nearly a year. We got tested
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: and Steve froze sperm as well in case like took
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: longer or nothing was technically wrong or anything. It's actually
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: normal for it to take six to twelve months, So
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: I thought, Okay, at twelve months, if I haven't fallen pregnant,
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: that's when I'm going to go and see a fertility
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: specialist and get some further testing done. But yeah, it
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: was just consuming trying to fall pregnant. It's like once
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: I decide, and I'd wait a long time, like there's
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: a six and a half year age gap between my kids,
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: it's a long time to fully be ready. And then
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: once I decided, it was like every month. It's so
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: disheartening and you do start to think, like, what is
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: wrong with my body, like, my body is supposed to
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: do this, but it's just not that simple. It's actually
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: so much harder to full pregnant. What you think when
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: you actually learn about it, like the small window you
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: have in each month to full pregnant.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: But yeah, definitely consume me. I was struggling.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: I remember each month, like when your period would come.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I'll just text you negative. Yeah. It was just so hard.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I cried every single time, and I'd always do the
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: test by myself and just like sit in the toilet
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: and just cry for hours. It's in the shower and
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: cry for hours. It's just you disappointed, and then you
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: go back on that cycle. And it also your sex
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: life too, like it's very structured.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Like you're booking it in.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: It's just kind of takes that fun away as well.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: It was weird I found out because I think it
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: was like I can't remember what mark, maybe eleven months.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: I was in the shower and I was due to
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: take a test within the next couple of days. But
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I put my hand on my tummy. I was like, oh,
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: look down.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, what is that hand doing there?
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: Wow? I was like I got out immediately into the
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: test straight away because I was just in the shower,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: like washing my hair or something, and then like I
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: looked down and my hand was just on my stomach.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Isn't that great? And I was like, oh my gosh.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: So I got out to test and I was pregnant.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: Oh my. It's like my Injuris would like already was
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: like holding her, not I was girl holding her. So
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I was just, yeah, it's the best thing ever when
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: it does happen, and going through all that hardship like
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: a hand on my heart. I can honestly say, like,
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: if I was to go through that journey again, I
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: think now, yes, it would still be hard if it
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: took a year, but I would fully trust that that
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: baby is not quite ready to come for me, because
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad it happened when it did because I
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: got Tala, like she was always meant for me. So
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: if it once to go through it again, I would
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: like trust that process a bit more and try not
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: to let it get me down so much and let
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: it consume my life so much.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just trust.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: That the universe has my back and my baby will
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: come to me when I'm ready.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I think as well, like with the miscarriage.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Just give yourself time, be kind to yourself. You will
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: think you are fine and you'll be like, okay, like
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I'm getting over it, and then you might have a
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: day and you'll just be really down in the dumps.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: And I remember doing that. I was like, oh, I'm
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: all good. And it was more so, I think because
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: we were trying and then I get my period. It
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: was like nearly like I was so sad we got period,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: but I'd also be crying and like just wanting that baby. Yes,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: so I'd be like, you know, grieving that baby being lost.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: But it's a rollercoaster. Be kind yourself. It's such a
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: hard time to go through it, even trying to conceive,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: trying to have a baby, any of those things. And
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: I love the way that everything's moving and there is
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: so much more help out there, which is great, and
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: so many more people are open about it now like
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: back in the day, no one's spoken like people used
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: to do this and not even tell their friends and
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: family that they're going through it.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Everyone's journey is so different. But yeah, man, it's not
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: an East One no Quoe quote.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: Do you be
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Mhm