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Stop Regulating Your Nervous System (do this instead) · Bye Bye Panic

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're constantly regulating your nervous system, you're making things way worse.
• 0:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because regulation isn't something you're supposed to do.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's something that happens on its own.
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're constantly trying to feel regulated, you're actually pushing your nervous system to go in the opposite direction.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in this video, I want to share with you why regulating your nervous system is actually making things worse, a much better approach, and how to apply this to your life.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's jump right in.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why regulating your nervous system is making you worse?
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: First we have to define what regulating your nervous system even is, because depending on who you ask, you're going to get different answers.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Most people say regulating your nervous system means you feel calm all the time, like you're completely at Zen, that no matter what happens in your life, you're completely unfazed.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: No matter how much chaos you have, you're always feeling calm.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I would say that's not actually a regulated nervous system.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Someone that doesn't feel any emotions isn't a calm nervous system, it's actually a numb nervous system.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: What makes a nervous system regulated isn't the absence of emotions, it's the ability to be fluid within them, to be feeling an array of emotions.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the way I want to highlight this was back when I was dealing with an intense anxiety and panic disorder.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're new to the channel, you might not know this, but I dealt with an intense anxiety disorder that basically made me stop leaving my house.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had intense physical symptoms, and I got to the point where I had to take medication.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember when I was taking my anxiety medication, I was really resistant towards it.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't want to take it because I had grown up in a family that was very holistic, that taking medication felt like almost like a bandaid.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when I was taking the anxiety medication, I found something interesting that happened.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel as much anxiety, but I also noticed I didn't feel any other emotions.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I almost felt like I was numb, like I didn't feel anything.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember even back then when I was dealing with this, I realized that this wasn't the answer.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: The answer wasn't to not feel anything.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: The problem was that I was feeling intense anxiety all the time.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: and what I just wanted to do was, you know, feel whatever emotion but then come back to baseline.
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And just like that example, we're taking medication.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Many people look at regulating the nervous system the same way that they're always chasing calm.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're always trying to feel calm.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're not trying to feel any sort of discomfort, any sort of anxiety, any sort of fear.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when you're doing that, you're not regulating.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're actually avoiding.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're avoiding a feeling.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're avoiding a physical sensation.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's the intrusive thoughts.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's the emotions.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you do this long enough, whenever you're trying to chase calm and avoid a feeling, you're actually teaching your nervous system that those feelings are dangerous.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: that it's a threat.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And basically, whenever you feel that emotion, your nervous system tags that as danger and your nervous system goes on high alert.
• 3:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in this case, trying to regulate your nervous system is actually making things worse.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: because you're not just trying to avoid a feeling, which most people agree that avoiding a feeling reinforces it, but you're also trying to chase a feeling.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're basically saying, how you feel right now is not okay.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that also keeps your nervous system on high alert.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you'll know that you're doing this, because you'll begin saying things like, oh, I need to regulate better.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to regulate more.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to have more regulation tools.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: you're using regulation as a shield to feel the emotions because you're chasing the feeling of calm.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: But chasing calm is still running, right?
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not being.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that keeps your nervous system on high alert.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't teach your nervous system safety.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what if I was to tell you that your body actually has a way of regulating itself without your involvement?
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: This leads me to point two,
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if regulating your nervous system is not about feeling calm all the time, I define regulation as the ability to state activated without being controlled by it.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm using the word activation because I want to talk about this beyond just anxiety and fear.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So most people on this channel are dealing with intense anxiety.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: panic, fear, stress, but when I'm talking about activation, I'm talking about other emotions too.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: This could also be in moments where you're feeling anger.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you're feeling intense grief, regulation means that you can feel all these emotions without being controlled by them.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can feel these emotions without your nervous system collapsing into it.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about it this way.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Someone who sees injustice and gets angry can still be regulated.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you lose a loved one and you feel intense grief, you can still be regulated.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might not have moments of feeling calm in those moments and you naturally wouldn't because you're a human being, but just because you're feeling those emotions doesn't mean you're dysregulated.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: what happens is that whenever you feel these emotions and you let it control you and you collapse into them, that's when you're dysregulated.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nervous system regulation is about fluidity.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about feeling these intense emotions, the symptoms, the anxiety, the anger, and grief, and letting it move through you.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if you notice, you let it move through you, you don't need to do anything.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: The only thing you need to do is not collapse within it.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's to hold the integrity of the container, hold the integrity of your nervous system, so that your nervous system can process these feelings, process these emotions without you collapsing into it, without you collapsing into fear, anxiety, panic, avoidance.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's feeling the sensations without getting caught up in them.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the mistake people make is they think that, oh, if I'm not calm, I'm not regulated.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So they turn this regulation tool to like this micro management of how they're feeling all the time.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what ends up happening is that when they're controlling so much, they eventually get tired.
• 6:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: their nervous system becomes more fatigued.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: They actually move themselves on the opposite direction.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever they're trying to feel calm, anytime they feel anxiety, stress, fear, they're actually reinforcing that.
• 6:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you can hold yourself in those moments of anxiety, of stress, of fear, without collapsing into it and letting the body process it without your mind going into worst-case scenarios,
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: then your nervous system is regulating without your control.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, this might make sense from like an intellectual level, but you might be thinking, okay, but how do I do this?
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because even just telling you to hold a container and let your body process it, that can also turn into a performance.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the next point I wanna share with you is how you can apply this to your life.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the way to view this is by shifting this idea of regulation and regulating yourself, shift from that to expanding your capacity.
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Expanding your capacity just means all you need to work on is developing resiliency in your nervous system.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just need your nervous system to get stronger, to be able to feel these intense emotions, almost like going to the gym.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Rather than avoiding the emotions or avoiding lifting weights, you want to build your nervous system in such a way that you can handle these emotions without collapsing into it.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: This just means that you are able to develop resiliency nervous system, but you can also develop patience so that stress, setbacks, and difficult people don't drain you.
• 8:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this is something that you'll be working on always because
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even when I had recovered from my anxiety disorder and all my symptoms went away, whenever I was working on things, especially by panic, which is a coaching program where we're literally helping people overcome their symptoms, heal their nervous system, go back to living.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had moments where I felt so overwhelmed and I just felt like I didn't have the
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was basically doing everything myself, right?
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was creating content, I was coaching people myself, people that were interested in coaching, would have enrollment calls with me.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things I needed to pull myself out was enrollment calls.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I had hired a team and trained them to be able to identify, you know, who's a right fit for the program?
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who's not?
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do I identify like if this person, the right person, that we can actually help?
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because integrity was really important for us.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I hired enrollment teams three different times and I had to basically let them go each time because they just weren't able to just figure out the process.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I was so frustrated at this point.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was so burnt out.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had spent so much money, so much time, so much investment, and I was so exhausted at the end that I could feel my nervous system beginning to like shut down.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I was starting to feel anxiety sensations and all these things.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't that the symptoms scared me.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew what was going on and it didn't mean that I was falling back into the cycle.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I just felt that my nervous system was so tired.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I was talking to a mentor of mine at the time.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we were at a hotel lobby.
• 9:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he gave me this great analogy, which is, Sean, right now, your capacity is almost like a small bucket.
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the stress you're feeling is like drops of water.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what's happening is that you're feeling the stress, but your bucket is so small, you're basically overfilling.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: and you're just feeling overwhelmed.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But as you mature as an entrepreneur, as you build this, as you get better at this, what's gonna happen is not that the water drops are gonna stop.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're always gonna have stressors.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what's gonna happen is that the bucket is gonna get bigger.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what seems so overwhelming right now and feels like overfilling with stress will just be a drop in the bucket in the future.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember thinking at that time,
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot wait for this to be like a small problem because at the time it was the biggest issue.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't even sure if BiBiPanic was going to exist because I tried so many times, nobody had done this before at the time that I felt like, well, maybe this isn't even possible.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the purpose of this story is that instead of looking at regulating yourself all the time in those moments,
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just want to be able to expand your capacity.
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You want to be able to handle stress better.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you want to focus on instead of regulating yourself is building your window of tolerance.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Building your window of tolerance to stress, to anxiety, to fear.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: and not just doing it so that your nervous system gets stronger, the reality is is that you're going to be feeling stressors no matter what, especially if you have a bigger life.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to do more things in your life, you're going to be dealing with more stress.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: The only people that don't really deal with that much stress is people that aren't really doing that much.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so whenever you're doing these things, it's about building that window of tolerance.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're doing that, it feels uncomfortable, but when you do this long enough, your nervous system develops resiliency within it.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to highlight here that it's not just a window of tolerance to discomfort, to anxiety, to fear, but it's also a window of tolerance to feeling good.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because the reality is is that your window of tolerance to feeling good is also very low.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might have noticed that when you have moments of joy of feeling good, you start thinking, what if the feeling goes away?
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, I'm feeling good.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm anxious about feeling good.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a very common thing people say.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's happened is that your window of tolerance to feeling joy to feeling happy, to feeling peace is also dropped as well.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So building your window of tolerance is not just about feeling distress.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's also about being able to feel good.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: to be feeling at peace, to feel like you don't have to do everything that you can just sit and just be.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as you do this, you don't have to regulate your nervous system.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't notice your nervous system is regulating by itself.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're dealing with intense emotions, physical symptoms and you want to heal your nervous system, specifically by doing nothing, make sure to check out this video right here.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for watching and I'll see you in the next one.