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Is Your Protective Shield Helping or Hurting You? · Healing with Purpose

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Healing with Purpose, a place where we share our ugly naked truths with the sole intention of ascending into our highest and healthiest self.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: We talked last time about the framework that we need to follow in order to actually become our next level self, our high self.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: But what we can't ignore is why so many of us are feeling blocked.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of you know.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I hate my job.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I'm this relationship isn't for me.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know that it's time to move out of my hometown.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of you know this.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kenya, and I have been in the health and healing space for the last 18 years.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I started off working with children on the spectrum of autism.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: My job was to understand them.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And most of these children that I worked with were nonverbal.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I really had to tap into my uh background in psychology and human behavior to understand what these children were trying to communicate.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I later became a senior social worker working for child protective services and investigating child abuse cases.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: In 2020, I decided to walk away from that.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: After getting multiple degrees, after getting my masters, after thinking for the last 10 years that this was my path, I chose to walk away from it and I became an online fitness coach.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that fitness program has evolved in the last seven years into what it is today, which is a whole person-centered approach to healing.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: We focus on the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual realms so that we can actually ascend as a whole.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So why are you not taking action?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: This was the question that I had for years.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I first put on a protective shield by the age of six.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it was completely unconscious to me until I was almost 30.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: You see, the first part of my life from zero to five were full of love.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you were to ask me, what are your experiences, what are your memories from your early years, I'd say, Oh, it's full of love.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was raised by my mother, my sister, and my grandmother.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And although we didn't have much to a five-year-old, I had everything that I needed because I had love.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, that's exactly what every single one of us will always come back to because at our truest core, we are love.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I was about six, my mom got married, and my life took a very slow yet very sharp turn.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to experience things that no child should have to experience.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to witness things that no child should ever have to witness.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, I started to put on these protective shields.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: The first shield that I put on was when I was about six and a half or seven years old.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: You see, when my mom got married, a new rule uh established in the household.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this rule was that my sister and I were not allowed to play outside anymore.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We were allowed to be outside if we were playing soccer, but we were not allowed to play outside.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was control wrapped as safety.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so we would get bored often.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And any excuse to find a friend and play with them or invite them over, we would because we wanted to play.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: There was an older teenage girl that was staying in the neighborhood.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we barely knew her.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: She was staying with her aunt and uncle, which were our neighbors.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we met her and we said, Oh, we're not allowed to play outside, but do you want to come over?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can come over.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents aren't home and we're not allowed to play outside.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're a 90s child, you know, we played outside until the lights came on, and it was no issue for my first six years of life, my sister's first eight years of life.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: We stayed in the neighborhood, we knew all everybody, and we came home.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: So there was no real, like, visible threat.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, again, depending on who you are, where you're listening to this, this could be very different for you.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: But where we live, there wasn't like a crazy threat to be outside in our little cul de sac.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: But we wanted to play.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: So there was this older teenage girl who was staying with her aunt and uncle, and we invited her back to our house because we can't play outside, but we have to stay inside, but we want to play.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this teenage girl ended up molesting me, and that was the first sexual experience that I had.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I didn't know what was going on.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she likely was doing to me the things that had been done to her.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I later found that she was removed from her parents' uh care, and that's why she was with that aunt and uncle that lived in our neighborhood, right?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a lot that was going on, but I didn't feel like I could tell anybody.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was very difficult to share things with my mom in private.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was very um, I was told by this girl, like, this is between us, don't say anything.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm six years old.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know any better.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually blocked that memory from my mind up until I was 20 years old.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll sh I'll come back to this, but that is what it looks like to put on a protective shield.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of us are unconscious of the shield that we had.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: This protective shield that I had was a shield that didn't actually serve me.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was rooted in a belief that my body did not belong to me, and anyone that wanted my body could have it.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And my shield was to get very, very smart.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent my entire childhood and early adulthood, and even now still learning, growing, getting degree after degree after degree.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because in my mind, I'm like, well, if I can't protect my body, I can make sure that I have a very strong mind.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to be incredibly intellectual, and that's my shield.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when I was 20 years old, I was sitting in one of my classes.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was a psychology major with a concentration in human behavior, and I had a minor, I have a minor in um child development.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So for my whole life, and obviously for most of us, whatever it is that we're super passionate about, it's because that's what we experienced when we were young, right?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I experienced a lot of like being hyper-vigilant, understanding people, having to like read the room.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why are people this way?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember being young, even questioning, like, why is this adult acting this way?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know why he's acting this way, but like I don't feel like he should be acting this way.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was always very curious, child, when it came to behavior.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so nonetheless, I was taking a one of my classes, and it was a weekend class with only two classes for the whole semester, and it was on, I believe, sexual assault or something like of this nature.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it was two Saturday classes for eight hours.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sitting in the lecture room, and the professors were saying, okay, we have guests coming to speak with us today.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: There are eight guests who are speaking on stage.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Some of these people were molested and abused, sexually abused when they were children, and some of these people molested or sexually abused children as adults.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, What?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I said, first of all, how are these people out?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Why shouldn't they be in jail?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Second of all, how am I supposed to feel about sitting in front of a freaking predator?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: These are the thoughts going through my mind.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was super triggered.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas a lot of my classmates were like, oh, this is an interesting topic.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, this is gonna be a really good case study.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, this is interesting, you know.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I was not.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was pissed.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was fuming.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, why am I sitting here listening to these people that hurt other children?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll listen to the people that were hurt as children, but I don't really want to listen.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I don't want to listen to any of them.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, about four hours in, I took a break.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And during that break, my friend said, Kenya, just like be open to the experience.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you are in this field to understand humans.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not gonna like every single human that you work with.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: You wanna go work in the jails, which at that time I wanted to be a psych a psychiatrist in the jail.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So you want to go work in the jails?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you don't get to choose your patients.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get to choose your clients.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, take this as an opportunity.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I go, okay.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And right after she said this to me, I remember having the memory of my six-year-old self in the bedroom playing a doctor with this older teenage girl.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to fall to my knees.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: This was a memory that my body and my mind had blocked.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my body actually didn't the body keeps the score.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll talk about that in a little bit.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: The body always keeps the score.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: But my mind had done a really good job at blocking this memory for 14 years.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And as soon as the seminar was done, I just had so many questions.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Did my sister remember that this happened to me?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Did I ever tell my mom?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Did I not tell my mom?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I told my mom.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, what about why how come this is coming back to me now?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why has this been a hidden memory for 14 years?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is this a true memory?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, you know, every little question that could go through your mind is like going through your mind, and you think, wait, yes, this is true.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, I didn't tell my mom.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if my sister knows, and shit, I need to do something about this now.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I was completely unaware of this incredibly disgusting and horrible and traumatic thing that happened to my six-year-old self, how is this impacting me?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that question I didn't answer for another eight years.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: But at this point, I'm now aware that my first sexual experience, if you will, if you want to call it that, was when I was an innocent six-year-old girl.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm aware of this, but I was not ready to acknowledge how it was impacting me.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: It took eight more years to acknowledge.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I said, you know, it takes the longest to become aware of something, but it's the hardest to move from awareness to acknowledgement because it really forces us to face ourselves.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so the first protective shield that I put on was a shield that my mind had convinced the body needed.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: But because I wasn't acknowledging just how traumatic this experience was to the body, I was ignoring the body, pretending like the body didn't experience anything horrible because my mind is so big and bad and tough that my body, she's fine.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was doing that, I ended up experiencing multiple sexual rapes in my 20s and other sexual harassment cases as well.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the first was in 2017 on Cinco de Mayo.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I drank way more than I should have, and I woke up completely naked, afraid, with no one around, and my clothes nicely folded at the end of the bed.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I called my friend immediately.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: She says, You need to go to the hospital.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I end up spending eight gruesome hours in the hospital getting photos taken, getting interviewed with police officers and forensic nurses.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the forensic nurse at the end was talking to me about my new dog.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had just gotten a new dog, Tyson, and she was talking about how she just got a new dog and I just got a new dog.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was, again, not thinking about what was going on.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was pretending like it didn't happen.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end, she goes, Okay, we're done here.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I say, Oh, good, thank you.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad nothing happened.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to get checked.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And she looks at me and she looks at the other nurse, and she goes, No, Kenya, um, I can't tell you what was in you, but whatever it was forced its way through.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: All sides of your vaginal walls are torn.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And five years after that, I pretended like it didn't happen.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: I I did what I needed to do.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I right, I I went to the doctors, the police took a report, they didn't do anything about it.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I said, Well, it doesn't matter.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I was reiterating the story that my six-year-old self had created.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: My body is not mine.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't belong to me.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone that wants it can have it, even if it's not consensual, even if it's not um legal, right?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's disgusting.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, thinking of my six-year-old self, thinking again that my, you know, in 2017.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it was reiterating the story, the belief, the identity that, oh, my body doesn't belong to me.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, because I was suppressing this, I was again ignoring the body signals that it it needed to process some trauma.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: I ended up getting a DY.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was not someone that frequently just drank a lot and drove, but for whatever reason, on the anniversary of the 2017 event, I would do anything possible to numb, avoid, distract.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this is completely unconscious to my mind.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is completely unconscious to my mind.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that my like body is literally doing because it's trying to get my attention.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I was engaging in behaviors 2018, 2019, 2020, 21.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was engaging with behaviors that were very unlike Kenya, but that's how hard my mind was trying to distract me from actually paying attention to and acknowledging the pain my body had gone through.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And five years after that event, I had gotten a DUI and I was mortified.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was to this day the worst experience of my life.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: I had every angel and God with me because everyone walked away uh okay, and that was the scariest experience I had ever gone through.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I immediately went to therapy.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: I immediately went to therapy like two days later.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I need to know why I did that.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Something in me feels like it's screaming.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just got knocked out, and I think I need some help.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And my therapist was incredible.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she starts off by saying, Tell me a little bit about your life.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Tell her, well, I didn't have my dad growing up.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had a stepfather coming to the home.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm biracial and I don't know anyone on my black side.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: So like that is in and of itself is an identity issue.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this, that, and the other.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling her, telling her, like, oh yeah, uh I um was raped, you know, in 2017, five years ago, um, four years ago, whatever it was.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you know, moved to oh, okay.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, and what happened?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh, nothing, you know, I went to the doctors, I filed a police report, nothing like came of it.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I went on and I got my master's, I earned my master's degree, and then I worked for the government, and then I got married, and then I, and she sits there and she goes, tell me everything that's happened around this time frame.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: And she's she starts to paint a picture for me.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: All of the big decisions that I had made, all of the big life changes that I had made, were all within three weeks of the anniversary of the event that happened in 2017.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And she was able to help me see something that I was unable to see, which was that my body was keeping the score of the horrible event that it endured in 2017.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my mind had built such a strong protective shield to intellectualize the traumas and pains I've gone through, to think my way into doing something else than actually focus on what my body's trying to communicate, that it had even gone to the extent of protecting me.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not watching this, if you're listening to this, I'm putting air quotes on, protecting me so much I said, you know what?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're not gonna, what can we do to really not think about this?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go consume a bunch of alcohol with no plans of even going out, and then we're gonna drive a vehicle, and then we're gonna put ourselves and others in a very dangerous situation.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: That was my mind's way of protecting me from feeling what my body needed to process.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you can see, sometimes, most times, these protective shields, they don't actually serve us.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: My seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12-year-old self, she probably needed that shield.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how she would have been able to cope with and move through knowing what had happened to her at six.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, that protective shield up until I was 20 and had my remembrance, it actually served its purpose.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And just like you, some of your shields, they have served their purpose.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't want you to be upset or mad or complain that you have been engaging in a behavior that at once protected you because it was supposed to protect you.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: But what I do want you to start to pay attention to is is this shield still protecting me?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it time to now lay down my armor?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, it was time for me to lay down my armor when I had this remembrance, when I was sitting in the conference room listening to these people, and I had this memory of what happened to me when I was six.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: That was my time to sit and be with my body and actually process it.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I said, nope, I'm gonna keep this protective shield.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: It happened in the past, there's nothing I can do about it now.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Move on, get in, keep going to school, get more degrees, and just keep keep intellectualizing your problems.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that was God giving me a loving tap on the face, right?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then the unspeakable event that happened in you know 2017 was the the slap to the face, and then the DUI five years later was an absolute punch knockout.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you need to address this because the reality is I never had.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, there were some other circumstances that happened in the interim, but after actually addressing it, processing it, acknowledging that this horrible thing happened to an innocent little child, yes, and it's now my responsibility to do the hard thing and face it.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, that meant sitting with myself, holding my body, loving my body, having conversations with my six-year-old self and letting her know this is not a, this was not your fault.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: This was not your fault.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: This was not your fault.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: This was not your fault, and continuously telling her that.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then also saying, and now as an adult, you can protect yourself.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: You now know when to say no.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You now have sovereignty, which was a journey that I went on for the next two or three years of complete gaining complete sovereignty over my body again, right?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: After the acknowledgement phase, I would say when it came to uh protecting my sexual energy and protecting my body, that was a journey of itself.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um anchoring in new habits and behaviors, right?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Taking action and then anchoring in those habits and behaviors.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: That was a journey of itself over the last four years.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot that's happened that has continued for me to be able to sit there and say, Nope, you have sovereignty over your body, you can say no.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell, you know, it's a daily practice.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like an anchoring in these new behaviors, these new habits until it just becomes second nature, which at this point in my life it is.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, nope, this is my body.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, you can't, nope, nope, nope, nope.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: To the point where my mind is now following my body.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: To close this loop, I'll share with you uh something that I actually haven't publicly talked about.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of what I'm have said already, I've shared on my social media.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been following me for a while, then you may have heard these stories before, but I actually haven't shared the story because it's quite fresh.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's actually active as uh the time that I'm recording this.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it closes the loop on what happened to me when I was six.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: In December of 2025, I was followed into my home by my rideshare driver, and he attempted to sexually assault me.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I had been out with my girlfriends, I had been drinking, I hadn't really been drinking for like a year and a half prior to this.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I was out with my girlfriend's thinking, I'm doing the safe thing, I'm calling a car home.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: I did drink too much, but that's it's Christmas, whatever, uh whatever.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was just moving through my life at that time in this way.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this driver decides to take advantage of that and follow me into my home.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And my mind was completely gone.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: My mind was completely gone.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know who was where or what was happening.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: As far as I knew, I had gone home alone.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what ended up happening is before he could do something further than what he had already done, my body woke up in a roar and I said, get out! My body literally took control.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: My mind was gone, but my body, because I have built this relationship with my body, and I talk about this all of the time: the body, the mind, and the spirit, they work as one, right?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: So when you understand that the spirit, the soul is the one in charge, and the body and the brain are uh not what's supposed to be running the show, but when we find cohesive balance amongst the three, then one will speak up when the other is lacking.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: So when the mind is giving us problems, the body will say, nope, still go to the gym, nope, still do this thing, right?
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: When the body's giving us problems, our mind is saying, No, we can do it, we can have the courage, we can say the hard thing, right?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: So they work all together.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And in this case, my mind was completely gone.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And my body roared, get out.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this man, by the grace of God, ran out of my house.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that I've been dealing with for almost, jeez, the last eight months.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: So when this situation happened, I remember going to one of my spiritual healers and I said, Why, why did this happen?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we've already moved through all the shit.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I thought I was done with the problems with sexual assault and rapes, and there's other things that have happened that I'll share uh in a later episode.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I thought I was done with it.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, You are done with it.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: I go, how do you mean?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, You have complete sovereignty over your body.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Even when your mind was unconscious, your body woke you up and said, No, get out.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I refuse this.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot enter.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And scared this person so bad that he fell off and ran outside.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, You do have complete sovereignty.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: You have closed the loop because you've actually taken the time to sit with your body, to love her, to acknowledge the pain that she went through, and also acknowledge that you can't live in the past.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And she deserves to know that it's actually safe now.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's safe now.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: She can lay down her armor and she can keep a reasonable protective shield, right?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Versus something so extreme that my mind would intellectualize every single problem that the body was experiencing instead of just allowing the body to tell me what the problems that she was experiencing.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I leave you with this.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you protecting yourself more than you need to?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And when you ask yourself this question, I want you to acknowledge that this shield that you're holding, maybe you're putting a protective shield over your heart.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you went through a heartbreak and you have completely closed yourself off to future love.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's you.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I thought that leaving my partner of eight years was the hardest thing that you could ever do in terms of love.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized, oh my goodness, no, opening yourself back up to love might be the hardest thing that you could ever do.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe that's the shield you're holding.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself, is it safe for me to have this heavy of a shield?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it actually blocking me from being in love and happy and enjoying this experience of life?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your protective shield is somewhere else.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask yourself where you're holding this hard armor and how it actually might be crushing the softness within instead of protecting you from the evils without.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to continue to long with these conversations, then hit the follow, hit the subscribe, whatever button that you see.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: The goal here is to share our ugly naked truths out loud.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: You'll hear a lot of my ugly naked stories, and you'll also hear a lot of uh my friends' stories, who are incredible coaches and creators and healers in the space who will share with you their pathway of ascending into their higher self.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: All with the invitation of opening up your eyes, letting you know that it is safe.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you have gone through, someone else has gone through as well.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: And until we move through the spiral of ascension, you are going to keep yourself blocked.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the invitation is to not keep yourself blocked.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll see you on the next one.