Latest / She Resets: Mindset, Fitness, Confidence / Ep 18: Stop hating yourself into change!

Transcript

Ep 18: Stop hating yourself into change! · She Resets: Mindset, Fitness, Confidence

• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello! Week eight of the 12-week reset mini-series.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're talking about something that I personally believe is absolutely fundamental to any lasting change.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that is dun dun dun your relationship with your body.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've known me for a long time, you might find this interesting because my own thinking around this topic has changed an awful lot.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I spent years working in the weight loss industry, and for a long time, the conversation was very much lose weight, change your body, become smaller.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't believe that that's the whole story anymore.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll know this if you're following me on socials or you're on my mailing list.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not, get on there.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because actually, I don't think it's even the most important part of change.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because what happens if you spend your whole life believing that you'll be finally be happy, confident, comfortable when your body looks different?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens if that day never comes?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or what happens when you reach the weight you wanted and discover that you still don't feel good about yourself?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh god, it's heartbreaking.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's why we need a different starting point.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: My husband used to get sick of me saying, just another half stone, just another half a stone.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: He'd be like, Why can't you be happy how you are?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: What's another half a stone gonna do?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, no, it'll make all the difference.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've never lost that extra just another half a stone.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Quite happy as I am now.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can't want change without rejecting yourself in the process.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I need to be really clear.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let me let me just set this straight.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you have to love every part of your body.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that you can't want to lose weight, and I'm not saying that you can't want to change something because you can.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a massive humongous difference between these two statements.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, I hate my body, so I need to change it.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And number two, I care about my body and I want to look after it.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: One comes from rejection, frustration, anger, disappointment.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: The other comes from respect, empowerment, positivity.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for me which one I'd rather focus on.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I hate my body, so I need to change it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Versus I care about my body and I want to look after it.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the end result might well be the same.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: You change it through hate, it's a miserable process.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas you change it through looking after it, and it's a different ball game.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just take a second to just think about that.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's really powerful.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Your body isn't your enemy.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the way that you speak to yourself sometimes.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Would you speak to your best friend like that?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Would you look at your best friend or your sister or your daughter and say, well, your stomach is disgusting?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you've let yourself go.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh god, you look awful in that.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you shouldn't wear that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Flipping out, you need to sort yourself out.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: But do you say it to yourself?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And why do you think it's okay to say it to yourself when you wouldn't dream of saying it to someone else?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to change your mindset, you've got to realise that your body isn't something you've got to spend your life fighting.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Without your body, you're nothing.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's your body that gets you through life, gets you out of bed in the morning, carries you shopping, lets you hug people, it lets you walk and run and dance and laugh and travel and work and exercise and love and everything.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, bodies change.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: They get older, they soften, they gain weight, they lose weight, they develop wrinkles and wobbly bits, scars.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's life.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: But none of those things make your body less worthy of care.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So what if we flip it?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: What if we focus on feeling strong?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is something I am increasingly passionate about, especially as we get older.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want women to think that fitness is about making themselves smaller.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want women to feel stronger, strong enough to carry the shopping home, strong enough to get up from the floor, strong enough to climb the stairs without feeling out of breath.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Strong enough to feel confident walking into a gym.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Strong enough to keep doing the things they love.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, strong physically, but also strong mentally, more confident, more capable, more trusting of themselves.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean that's a much bigger goal than a number on the scales.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Put so much store by that number on the scales.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you walk up to the scales, you've had the best week.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: You feel slimmer, you feel lighter, you can't wait to see the number go down.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're literally on the ceiling, jazz hands and everything, elbowing everyone out of the way to get to the scales.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you get there, and the numbers are not what you want, and you immediately go from feeling incredible to feeling rock bottom on the floor, absolutely gutted.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, all that's changed in 20 seconds is the number on the scales.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Prior to that, you felt light, you felt slim, you felt strong, you felt good, you felt positive.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: But it's got to stop.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, how about a little exercise this week?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: So just notice, observe the way that you speak to yourself about your body.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And don't try to change it immediately.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do you say when you get dressed in the morning?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: What do you say when you look in the mirror?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when you see a photograph of yourself?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And just notice.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then ask that thought that came in my head, that internal dialogue, that thing I said to myself, would I speak to someone I loved that way?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if the answer is no, then stop it.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to say I love everything about myself.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't believe it, don't say it.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're just kidding yourself, you're lying to yourself.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: But you could try saying, This is my body, and I'm learning to respect it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want to respect it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or I can want to change without hating myself into doing it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or my body deserves care now and not when I reach that goal that I've set in my head.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this week, do something for your body that isn't about changing how it looks.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So just go for a walk because it feels good, because it's a beautiful day, blue skies and bright sunshine.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Lift some weights because you just want to feel strong.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Eat a proper meal because your body will feel better for it.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Go to bed earlier because you're tired.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Wear something that makes you feel good.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Take the photograph.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: But whatever it is you do for yourself this week, do it because you care.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're punishing yourself.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because you you don't need fixing, you don't need punishing.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: But you can change.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to change because you want to.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So what has this got to do with achieving your 12-week goal?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, simply, and I know from experience, that how I feel about my body impacts every part of my life.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm not feeling good, I get short-tempered, I get grumpy, I get irritable, don't want my husband anywhere near me.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I wear big baggy clothes, I won't appear on socials, won't have my pitch taken.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I bet I'm not alone.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And because when I'm feeling down on myself about my body, it impacts all of those things, then of course it's going to impact your goal.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So let's remove this from the equation and just start to be grateful to our body for what it does for us, what it's done for us, what it will continue to do for us, and use that to help you hit your goal.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I shall speak to you next week.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Bye bye.