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The Rules Of No Contact (2025 Update) · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  You will not get your X back if you don't do no contact
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  correctly. The more things you do right
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  after a breakup, the higher your chances of getting your X back.
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  The more things you do wrong after a breakup, the lower your
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  chances of getting your X back. I did a video five years ago on
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  the rules of no contact and I'll put the link in the upper right
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  hand corner on YouTube. However, I thought it's time to
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  redo another one since I have some new rules.
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  I've learned a thing or two since then and it never hurts to
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  go back over the rules as there's a lot of new subscribers
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  and they may not know all the rules.
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  All my rules for no contact so stay tuned.
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  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  And welcome back my beautiful No Contact army.
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  Thank you to everyone who downloaded my app Silencio to
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  help you stay in no contact and who sent in a review in exchange
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  for a free copy of my book, No Contact Secrets.
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  A couple of the reviews I have to tell you, they had me almost
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  on the verge of tears, me and my developer.
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  So thank you. It's nice to know that we're
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  really helping a lot of people through their breakup.
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  And if you 2 would like to join our beautiful no contact army,
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  all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell
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  notification and you're in. OK, so if you've heard me
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  before, you've heard me say that in terms of getting your ex
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  back, you do nothing. You do not lift a finger.
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  And I mean that literally and figuratively.
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  And in fact, that brings me to my first new rule, and that is
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  if your ex calls you, do not try to send them to voicemail.
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  Let the phone naturally take them to voicemail.
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  And the reason I'm saying this is because one of my clients,
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  who I learn a lot from as they make their mistakes, was on the
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  phone. Her ex called and she wanted to
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  send him to voicemail and instead she ended up picking up
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  the phone, which breaks the no contact rule.
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  You're not supposed to respond when your ex calls.
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  And I don't care how many times they call.
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  And people sometimes think, oh, but maybe it's an emergency.
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  Well, why would they be calling you if it's an emergency?
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  They kicked you out of their life.
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  Why do they suddenly need to speak with you?
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  If it's an emergency, they will leave a message, They will text
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  you, but they're not going to just call and call and call and
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  not leave a message. They're just trying to get you
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  to respond because they're feeling anxious at that moment.
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  So do not respond. And unfortunately, she then went
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  on to make another mistake. She stayed on the phone with him
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  for 30 minutes. And another rule of no contact
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  is that when you run into your ex or if you happen to pick up
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  the phone by mistake, as in this case or whatever, you do not
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  give your ex a lot of time. And in fact, I have a video on
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  that and I'll put the link up on YouTube.
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  And she said to me afterwards, well, he didn't want to get back
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  together. But, you know, I didn't really
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  break no contact if he doesn't know that I want to get back
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  together. And I said, girl, the fact that
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  you gave him 30 minutes shows that you're still interested,
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  OK? Actions speak louder than words.
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  If you're not interested in someone, you are not going to be
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  on the phone with them for 30 minutes.
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  It's going to be a very short conversation if you happen to
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  pick up by mistake. OK, so keep those things in
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  mind. Next, another mistake that
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  someone made, change your passwords if your ex has them.
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  Someone wrote in and said that she realized her ex has the
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  password had hopefully she changed it to her YouTube and
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  she was watching yours truly on YouTube so he could see that she
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  was trying to get him back. And she said, is there any hope?
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  And at that time I said, well, you know, the enemy knows your
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  game plan. Not really.
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  But then I thought about it and I thought, actually, you know
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  what? The only thing you can do in
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  that case is to pretend that you're changing course.
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  So make it seem like, yeah, I wanted you back.
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  But now you're going to start watching videos on how to get
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  over an X, how to move on, what to wear on a first date, how to
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  flirt on a first date, right. So it's going to look like
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  you're moving on, but in the meantime, change all your
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  passwords. They should not have access to
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  your passwords anymore. Next, we have no blocking until
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  60 days. And why 60 days?
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  Because most people, your ex will contact you between days 45
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  and 60. Not everyone, but in most cases.
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  So we're giving them 60 days to reach out to you with something
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  significant. And if they don't, but they're
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  watching your stories or commenting or your posts or
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  liking your posts or whatever, they're getting a reward out of
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  it. They're getting a dopamine hit.
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  They get to be a part of your life still without really being
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  in your life anymore. So we want to cut off that
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  dopamine hit. That's why I say to block after
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  60 days. Now, if you've already blocked
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  them and it's before 60 days, do not unblock them because it
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  shows that you're unsure about your decision, which means that
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  you're still interested. So no blocking and unblocking.
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  Blocking and unblocking if they're already blocked.
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  They say blocked if they're not blocked, which you get to 60
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  days and then you can block them.
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  But if you don't want to block them, that's fine too.
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  I know people freak out when I say to block after 60 days.
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  Now one question that I got after the last video was, and I
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  quote, well, if we block them out of the blue after
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  hypothetically 60 days or more, won't they have an ego
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  validation that they're still affecting us?
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  Wouldn't indifference be a better option?
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  No, why are you? Why is ego validation the only
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  option of how they could feel about you blocking them?
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  How about you're dating someone else and you're moving on and
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  you don't want them to see? How about that?
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  It's not necessarily an ego validation.
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  They don't know what you're feeling.
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  You've been silent for 60 days. If anything, it's going to be an
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  ego shock. So don't be afraid to block
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  after 60 days, although I know a lot of you won't.
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  Another new rule which I made a whole video on and I'll put the
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  link in the right hand corner if I can find that video because I
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  don't remember the title. And that is if someone contacts
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  you and says, oh, your ex is still interested but they're
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  afraid to reach out, they're afraid you're going to reject
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  them, too bad they broke up with you.
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  They need to contact you. And some of you may remember I
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  did the video where the guy, his ex's daughter, reached out and
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  said to contact her mother. And I told him to say no and he
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  initially said no, but then she called back again.
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  She was on the verge of tears and she said please, please
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  contact her. And he didn't tell me.
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  He contacted her. She never responded.
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  And then we found out she was actually dating someone else.
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  So what I think happened in that case actually was that the ex
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  was not saying she was afraid of rejection.
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  I think the daughter wanted them to get back together, maybe
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  didn't like the new guy, and that's what happened.
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  So if a friend or a family member or someone says please
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  contact them, they're scared. No, the answer is no.
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  Next rule, do not agree to be friends.
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  OK, that's not going to work. You think you're going to sneak
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  your way back in to dating them again or being in a relationship
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  with them? You're not going to be able to
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  handle the friendship. And a lot of times they just say
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  that has something to say and then they don't even keep up
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  their end of the bargain of being friends.
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  So it's not even worth it. And if you've already agreed to
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  it, just say hey I changed my mind.
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  Next, do not wish them a happy birthday.
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  If they contact you and they wish you a happy birthday,
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  that's fine you can respond. But do not contact them to wish
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  them a happy birthday or anything.
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  Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, whatever.
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  And understand that if you do not wish them a happy birthday,
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  at times some people they will unfriend you or maybe even block
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  you. And that's in response to the
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  fact that they expected you to wish them a happy birthday even
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  though they dumped you. So just be prepared for that
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  next. Oh, and one more thing about the
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  the birthday thing. I know it's a big well everyone
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  has a birthday. So it always comes up if you
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  were close with one or several of their children or one of
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  their family members. Yes, you can say happy birthday,
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  but do not talk about the relationship and obviously don't
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  ask about your ex. And Speaking of family and
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  friends, do not talk to them if they are have contact with your
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  ex. If they know your ex, do not
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  tell them that you're doing no contact.
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  Obviously do not tell them you're upset.
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  Do not tell them that you're sad.
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  No Intel goes out to anyone that has access to your ex.
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  Just say, well, you know, yeah, it was unexpected.
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  It was tough at first, but you know, life goes on and I'm
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  moving on. That has to be your attitude.
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  That's what you say next, and I've talked about this a million
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  times. Of course, don't respond to
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  bread crumbs. Anything that's not significant
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  where it shows that they're changing their mind, they regret
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  the breakup and they need to sound humble.
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  If they sound angry, don't respond.
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  I miss you is a breadcrumb. Although I do have a video on 40
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  ways to respond to the I miss you text if you want to respond
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  and I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner.
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  But it's generally A breadcrumb because they might be missing
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  you today doesn't mean they miss you tomorrow.
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  They're going to miss you tomorrow.
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  So I wouldn't necessarily respond to that.
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  Plus if you say if they say I miss you and you don't respond,
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  if they really do miss you then they will text again.
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  Now, no looking at their stories, snaps, WhatsApp status,
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  anything where they can see that you have seen their story, do
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  not continue a snap streak. OK?
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  I can't believe some people would break up.
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  It's like what we have a snap streak?
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  Who cares? The only reason that a snap
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  streak even exists is because Snapchat wants you to go on the
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  app every day. OK, that's the only reason for
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  it. There's no reason to have a snap
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  streak with anyone. Obviously do not like their
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  posts and mute their story so that you do not view them
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  accidentally. Now, if you have stuff at their
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  place and you need it, or if you need them to get their stuff out
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  of your place, it's fine to contact them, OK?
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  That isn't breaking no contact because you're not giving them
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  hope that you want them back. You're not showing interest.
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  I mean, if anything, it's the opposite.
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  It's like, hey, I want my stuff. Hey, get your stuff out of here,
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  OK? If you run into them, be polite
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  but neutral. Don't give them a lot of time.
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  As I said, try to get away from them as soon as possible.
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  And one of the comments someone wrote on the last video was well
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  what if you work with them and they walk into your office?
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  Well then jump out the window. Just kidding.
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  Again, be polite, neutral, try to end the conversation as soon
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  as possible. If they are posting things where
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  it shows that they're angry on social media, do not respond.
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  They're trying to break you to get no contact.
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  They're venting. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
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  If you have children together, you work together as I
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  mentioned, or if you have school together you're going to see
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  them again. Brief interactions.
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  If you have children, you only contact them if it regards the
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  children and that's it. And I've done a video on that so
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  I will post a link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube
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  now. If you cheated or took them for
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  granted, then it's up to you to get them back.
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  So you should not be in no contact at first.
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  You're going to try to stop the breakup.
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  Obviously, you know, if you cheated on them and they say
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  it's over you and you say OK and be like what?
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  You're like no, sorry, please, please.
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  You know, no, it's over. OK.
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  Then you give them at least 30 days and then you can start
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  trying to get them back. And you can always contact me
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  for coaching to help you with that situation.
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  Some people have said well no contact doesn't work on women.
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  Shut up. Just because it didn't work for
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  you it doesn't mean it didn't work for women.
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  Listen most of my clients are men and I've helped them get
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  their X back. OK.
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  When you break no contact the count starts all over again.
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  So if you have my silencio app then you have to reset the timer
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  again back to 0. So that's why you don't want to
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  break no contact. Another question people always
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  ask is well what if the ex is also in no contact?
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  Well if they were the dumper then they need to reach out to
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  you. So unless as I just mentioned
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  you cheated or took them for granted, then it's their job to
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  try to get you back. So I don't care if there are no
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  contact. That doesn't mean that you reach
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  out just because there are no contact.
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  Plus, how do you know that there are no contact?
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  Maybe they're just not interested.
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  So stop looking for ways to break no contact.
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  OK, so now I want to hear from you.
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  After hearing these rules, I'm sure you have some questions
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  about no contact, so please post them below and I will be happy
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  to answer and let me know if I missed any rules.
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  I'm sure I did, there's a lot of them.
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  And in the meantime, if you would like my help to get your
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  ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching and we
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  will send you the rates. If you found this video helpful,
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  please like, subscribe and share.
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  If you're listening to this as a podcast, I would appreciate if
• 15:23
  you would download the show, the episode, and then finally,
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  remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.