Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 310: Tammys Takes #18: What Happened to You Shaped You… But It Doesn’t Define You

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E 310: Tammys Takes #18: What Happened to You Shaped You… But It Doesn’t Define You · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:00
  welcome
• 0:00
  back
• 0:00
  to
• 0:00
  another
• 0:00
  episode
• 0:01
  of
• 0:01
  Tammy's
• 0:01
  Takes
• 0:02
  where
• 0:02
  we
• 0:02
  take
• 0:02
  powerful
• 0:03
  conversations
• 0:04
  with
• 0:04
  our
• 0:04
  guests
• 0:04
  and
• 0:04
  turn
• 0:05
  them
• 0:05
  into
• 0:06
  practical
• 0:06
  strategies
• 0:07
  that
• 0:07
  you
• 0:07
  can
• 0:07
  use
• 0:08
  right
• 0:08
  here
• 0:08
  right
• 0:08
  now.
• 0:09
  So
• 0:09
  today's
• 0:10
  episode
• 0:10
  is
• 0:10
  about
• 0:10
  my
• 0:11
  conversation
• 0:11
  yesterday
• 0:12
  with
• 0:12
  David
• 0:12
  Latour.
• 0:13
  Whoa.
• 0:14
  Powerful,
• 0:15
  powerful
• 0:16
  conversation.
• 0:17
  If
• 0:17
  you
• 0:17
  listen
• 0:17
  to
• 0:17
  it,
• 0:18
  you
• 0:18
  will
• 0:18
  not
• 0:18
  be
• 0:18
  disappointed.
• 0:19
  He
• 0:19
  talked
• 0:20
  about
• 0:20
  so
• 0:20
  many
• 0:20
  things
• 0:21
  that
• 0:21
  so
• 0:21
  many
• 0:22
  of
• 0:22
  us
• 0:23
  hit
• 0:23
  home
• 0:23
  with,
• 0:24
  but
• 0:24
  you
• 0:24
  just
• 0:24
  don't
• 0:25
  know
• 0:25
  how
• 0:25
  to
• 0:25
  talk
• 0:25
  about
• 0:26
  and
• 0:26
  you
• 0:26
  just
• 0:26
  sometimes
• 0:27
  don't
• 0:27
  know
• 0:27
  how
• 0:27
  to
• 0:27
  deal
• 0:27
  with.
• 0:28
  So
• 0:28
  he
• 0:28
  talked
• 0:28
  about
• 0:29
  growing
• 0:29
  up
• 0:29
  in
• 0:30
  a
• 0:30
  home
• 0:30
  with
• 0:30
  addiction,
• 0:31
  chaos,
• 0:32
  unpredictability,
• 0:33
  being
• 0:33
  the
• 0:33
  adult
• 0:34
  before
• 0:34
  you
• 0:34
  were
• 0:34
  ever
• 0:34
  allowed
• 0:35
  to
• 0:35
  be
• 0:35
  a
• 0:35
  child,
• 0:36
  honestly.
• 0:37
  And
• 0:37
  more
• 0:37
  than
• 0:37
  that,
• 0:38
  he
• 0:38
  talked
• 0:38
  about
• 0:38
  how
• 0:38
  you
• 0:39
  feel
• 0:39
  like
• 0:39
  you
• 0:39
  had
• 0:39
  to
• 0:40
  hold
• 0:40
  everything
• 0:40
  together
• 0:41
  just
• 0:41
  to
• 0:42
  survive.
• 0:43
  And
• 0:43
  one
• 0:43
  of
• 0:43
  the
• 0:43
  things
• 0:43
  that
• 0:43
  came
• 0:44
  up
• 0:44
  that
• 0:44
  I
• 0:44
  really
• 0:44
  wanna
• 0:44
  kind
• 0:45
  of
• 0:45
  touch
• 0:45
  on
• 0:45
  today,
• 0:46
  because
• 0:46
  I
• 0:46
  see
• 0:47
  this
• 0:47
  all
• 0:47
  the
• 0:47
  time,
• 0:49
  is
• 0:49
  the
• 0:49
  fact
• 0:49
  that
• 0:49
  people
• 0:50
  believe
• 0:51
  that
• 0:51
  what
• 0:52
  happened
• 0:52
  to
• 0:52
  them
• 0:53
  becomes
• 0:53
  who
• 0:54
  they
• 0:54
  are.
• 0:54
  And
• 0:55
  it's
• 0:55
  not
• 0:55
  like
• 0:55
  that.
• 0:56
  David
• 0:56
  made
• 0:56
  a
• 0:56
  very
• 0:57
  important
• 0:57
  point
• 0:57
  where
• 0:57
  he
• 0:58
  said,
• 0:58
  "What
• 0:58
  happened
• 0:58
  to
• 0:58
  you
• 0:59
  may
• 0:59
  have
• 0:59
  shaped
• 0:59
  you,
• 1:00
  but
• 1:00
  it
• 1:00
  did
• 1:00
  not
• 1:00
  define
• 1:01
  you.
• 1:01
  I
• 1:02
  always
• 1:02
  say
• 1:02
  what
• 1:02
  happened
• 1:03
  to
• 1:03
  me
• 1:03
  designed
• 1:03
  me,
• 1:04
  but
• 1:04
  not
• 1:04
  defined
• 1:05
  me.
• 1:05
  I
• 1:05
  think
• 1:05
  that's
• 1:05
  a
• 1:05
  little
• 1:05
  catchier,
• 1:06
  right?
• 1:07
  But
• 1:07
  anyway,
• 1:09
  I
• 1:09
  wanna
• 1:09
  go
• 1:09
  a
• 1:09
  little
• 1:09
  deeper
• 1:10
  with
• 1:10
  this
• 1:10
  today
• 1:11
  because
• 1:11
  I
• 1:11
  hear
• 1:11
  a
• 1:12
  lot
• 1:12
  of
• 1:12
  people
• 1:12
  literally
• 1:13
  grabbing
• 1:14
  this
• 1:14
  identity
• 1:15
  of
• 1:15
  what
• 1:15
  happened
• 1:15
  to
• 1:16
  them.
• 1:16
  So
• 1:17
  they,
• 1:17
  "Tammy,
• 1:17
  I
• 1:17
  get
• 1:18
  it.
• 1:18
  I
• 1:18
  totally
• 1:19
  get
• 1:19
  it.
• 1:19
  But
• 1:19
  then
• 1:19
  they
• 1:19
  go
• 1:20
  right
• 1:20
  back
• 1:20
  to
• 1:20
  saying
• 1:21
  things
• 1:21
  like,
• 1:22
  "I'm
• 1:22
  anxious.
• 1:23
  I'm
• 1:23
  reactive.
• 1:24
  I
• 1:24
  have
• 1:24
  a
• 1:24
  short
• 1:24
  fuse.
• 1:25
  I
• 1:25
  don't
• 1:25
  trust
• 1:26
  people.
• 1:26
  I
• 1:26
  shut
• 1:27
  down.
• 1:27
  I
• 1:28
  overthink
• 1:28
  everything."
• 1:29
  And
• 1:29
  they
• 1:29
  don't
• 1:29
  even
• 1:29
  question
• 1:30
  it.
• 1:30
  It
• 1:30
  literally
• 1:31
  has
• 1:31
  just
• 1:31
  become
• 1:32
  who
• 1:32
  they
• 1:32
  are
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  they're
• 1:33
  willing
• 1:33
  to
• 1:34
  accept
• 1:34
  that.
• 1:34
  And
• 1:34
  what
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  wanna
• 1:35
  talk
• 1:35
  about
• 1:35
  today
• 1:36
  is
• 1:36
  you
• 1:36
  don't
• 1:36
  have
• 1:37
  to
• 1:37
  do
• 1:37
  that.
• 1:38
  You
• 1:38
  don't
• 1:38
  have
• 1:38
  to
• 1:38
  accept
• 1:39
  that.
• 1:39
  David
• 1:40
  described
• 1:40
  in
• 1:40
  the,
• 1:40
  episode
• 1:41
  something
• 1:41
  that
• 1:41
  we
• 1:42
  see
• 1:42
  all
• 1:42
  the
• 1:42
  time
• 1:44
  with
• 1:44
  children
• 1:45
  or
• 1:45
  adult
• 1:45
  children
• 1:46
  from
• 1:46
  dysfunctional
• 1:46
  families.
• 1:47
  When
• 1:47
  you
• 1:47
  grew
• 1:48
  up
• 1:48
  in
• 1:48
  that
• 1:48
  chaos,
• 1:49
  your
• 1:49
  brain
• 1:50
  creates
• 1:50
  patterns
• 1:51
  to
• 1:51
  survive
• 1:52
  it.
• 1:52
  So
• 1:52
  you
• 1:52
  become
• 1:53
  hyper
• 1:53
  aware
• 1:54
  or
• 1:54
  hypervigilant.
• 1:55
  You
• 1:55
  become
• 1:55
  ultra
• 1:56
  responsible
• 1:56
  or
• 1:57
  sometimes
• 1:57
  you
• 1:57
  don't
• 1:57
  become
• 1:58
  responsible
• 1:58
  enough.
• 1:59
  You
• 1:59
  become
• 1:59
  emotionally
• 2:00
  attuned,
• 2:00
  you
• 2:01
  learn
• 2:01
  how
• 2:01
  to
• 2:01
  read
• 2:01
  a
• 2:01
  room,
• 2:02
  you
• 2:02
  learn
• 2:02
  how
• 2:02
  to
• 2:02
  handle
• 2:03
  crisis.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:04
  those
• 2:04
  things,
• 2:05
  they
• 2:05
  become
• 2:05
  your
• 2:06
  skillset.
• 2:07
  He
• 2:07
  even
• 2:07
  talked
• 2:07
  about
• 2:08
  how
• 2:08
  this
• 2:08
  carried
• 2:08
  into
• 2:09
  his
• 2:09
  career,
• 2:09
  being
• 2:09
  able
• 2:10
  to
• 2:10
  handle
• 2:10
  high
• 2:10
  pressure
• 2:11
  situations
• 2:12
  because
• 2:12
  nothing
• 2:13
  felt
• 2:13
  as
• 2:13
  intense
• 2:14
  as
• 2:15
  it
• 2:15
  did
• 2:15
  as
• 2:15
  what
• 2:15
  he
• 2:15
  went
• 2:16
  through
• 2:16
  as
• 2:16
  a
• 2:16
  child.
• 2:17
  But
• 2:17
  here's
• 2:18
  the
• 2:18
  part
• 2:18
  that
• 2:18
  most
• 2:18
  people
• 2:19
  miss,
• 2:19
  and
• 2:19
  I
• 2:19
  want
• 2:19
  you
• 2:19
  to
• 2:19
  understand
• 2:20
  that.
• 2:20
  The
• 2:21
  same
• 2:21
  patterns
• 2:21
  that
• 2:22
  helped
• 2:22
  you
• 2:22
  survive
• 2:23
  can
• 2:24
  also
• 2:24
  keep
• 2:24
  you
• 2:24
  very
• 2:25
  stuck.
• 2:26
  So
• 2:26
  I
• 2:26
  like
• 2:26
  to
• 2:26
  call
• 2:26
  it
• 2:27
  the
• 2:27
  identity
• 2:27
  trap,
• 2:28
  because
• 2:28
  at
• 2:28
  some
• 2:28
  point,
• 2:29
  those
• 2:29
  patterns
• 2:29
  stop
• 2:30
  being
• 2:31
  something
• 2:32
  that
• 2:32
  you
• 2:32
  can
• 2:32
  use
• 2:33
  and
• 2:34
  they
• 2:34
  start
• 2:34
  becoming
• 2:35
  something
• 2:35
  that
• 2:35
  you
• 2:36
  believe
• 2:36
  you
• 2:37
  are.
• 2:37
  So
• 2:38
  instead
• 2:38
  of
• 2:38
  saying
• 2:39
  "I
• 2:39
  learned
• 2:40
  to
• 2:40
  react
• 2:40
  this
• 2:40
  way,"
• 2:41
  it
• 2:41
  becomes,
• 2:41
  "This
• 2:41
  is
• 2:41
  just
• 2:42
  who
• 2:42
  I
• 2:42
  am."
• 2:43
  And
• 2:43
  that
• 2:43
  is
• 2:43
  the
• 2:43
  point
• 2:44
  where
• 2:44
  people
• 2:44
  can
• 2:44
  literally
• 2:45
  stay
• 2:45
  stuck
• 2:46
  for
• 2:46
  years,
• 2:47
  sometimes
• 2:47
  decades,
• 2:48
  sometimes
• 2:49
  their
• 2:49
  entire
• 2:49
  lives,
• 2:50
  and
• 2:50
  that's
• 2:50
  not
• 2:50
  what
• 2:50
  we
• 2:51
  want
• 2:51
  for
• 2:51
  you,
• 2:51
  my
• 2:51
  friend.
• 2:52
  Here's
• 2:52
  what
• 2:52
  I
• 2:52
  want
• 2:53
  you
• 2:53
  to
• 2:53
  start
• 2:53
  doing.
• 2:55
  And
• 2:55
  it's
• 2:55
  simple,
• 2:56
  but
• 2:56
  powerful.
• 2:57
  I
• 2:57
  like
• 2:57
  these
• 2:57
  tips
• 2:57
  and
• 2:58
  tricks
• 2:58
  and
• 2:58
  things
• 2:58
  that
• 2:58
  you
• 2:58
  can
• 2:59
  implement
• 2:59
  right
• 2:59
  now,
• 3:00
  right
• 3:00
  here,
• 3:00
  right?
• 3:01
  The
• 3:01
  next
• 3:01
  time
• 3:02
  you
• 3:02
  notice
• 3:02
  yourself
• 3:02
  saying
• 3:03
  something
• 3:03
  like,
• 3:03
  "I'm
• 3:03
  just
• 3:04
  an
• 3:04
  anxious
• 3:04
  person,"
• 3:05
  or,
• 3:05
  "I'm
• 3:06
  just
• 3:06
  bad
• 3:06
  at
• 3:06
  relationships,"
• 3:07
  or,
• 3:08
  "I'm
• 3:08
  just
• 3:08
  completely
• 3:09
  reactive,
• 3:09
  or
• 3:10
  I'm
• 3:10
  just
• 3:10
  like
• 3:10
  my
• 3:10
  parents."
• 3:12
  I
• 3:12
  want
• 3:12
  you
• 3:12
  to
• 3:12
  pause
• 3:13
  and
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  want
• 3:14
  you
• 3:14
  to
• 3:14
  change
• 3:14
  that
• 3:15
  sentence.
• 3:16
  So
• 3:16
  shift
• 3:16
  the
• 3:16
  language.
• 3:17
  So
• 3:18
  instead
• 3:18
  of
• 3:18
  saying,
• 3:18
  "I
• 3:19
  am,"
• 3:20
  I
• 3:20
  want
• 3:20
  you
• 3:20
  to
• 3:20
  say,
• 3:21
  "I
• 3:21
  learn
• 3:21
  to.
• 3:22
  So
• 3:22
  instead
• 3:23
  of
• 3:23
  saying,
• 3:23
  "I'm
• 3:23
  an
• 3:23
  anxious
• 3:24
  person,"
• 3:24
  just
• 3:25
  say,
• 3:25
  "Hey,
• 3:26
  I
• 3:26
  learned
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  act
• 3:27
  anxious."
• 3:28
  Instead
• 3:28
  of
• 3:28
  saying,
• 3:29
  "I
• 3:30
  shut
• 3:30
  down
• 3:31
  all
• 3:31
  the
• 3:31
  time,"
• 3:31
  say,
• 3:32
  "I
• 3:32
  learn
• 3:32
  to
• 3:33
  shut
• 3:33
  down
• 3:33
  when
• 3:33
  things
• 3:33
  get
• 3:34
  stressful."
• 3:34
  Instead
• 3:35
  of
• 3:35
  saying,
• 3:35
  "I'm
• 3:35
  a
• 3:35
  reactive
• 3:36
  person,
• 3:37
  saying
• 3:37
  I
• 3:37
  learn
• 3:38
  to
• 3:38
  react
• 3:39
  when
• 3:39
  things
• 3:39
  get
• 3:39
  stressful."
• 3:40
  And
• 3:40
  instead
• 3:40
  of
• 3:40
  saying,
• 3:41
  "I,
• 3:41
  I'm
• 3:42
  mistrustful
• 3:43
  or
• 3:43
  distrustful,"
• 3:43
  just
• 3:44
  say,
• 3:44
  "I
• 3:44
  learned
• 3:45
  not
• 3:45
  to
• 3:45
  trust
• 3:45
  people.
• 3:46
  Because
• 3:47
  when
• 3:47
  you
• 3:47
  say,
• 3:47
  "I
• 3:48
  am,"
• 3:48
  feels
• 3:49
  permanent,
• 3:49
  feels
• 3:50
  like
• 3:50
  who
• 3:50
  you
• 3:50
  are.
• 3:51
  And
• 3:51
  when
• 3:51
  you
• 3:52
  say,
• 3:52
  "I
• 3:52
  learned
• 3:53
  to,
• 3:53
  then
• 3:54
  all
• 3:54
  of
• 3:54
  a
• 3:54
  sudden
• 3:55
  it
• 3:55
  becomes
• 3:55
  changeable
• 3:56
  because
• 3:56
  we
• 3:57
  all
• 3:57
  know
• 3:57
  if
• 3:57
  you
• 3:57
  can
• 3:57
  learn
• 3:58
  something,
• 3:59
  you
• 3:59
  can
• 3:59
  certainly
• 4:00
  unlearn
• 4:00
  it,
• 4:00
  right?
• 4:02
  So
• 4:02
  you're
• 4:02
  adding
• 4:02
  choice,
• 4:04
  because
• 4:05
  now
• 4:05
  if
• 4:06
  you
• 4:06
  learn
• 4:06
  something,
• 4:07
  you
• 4:07
  can
• 4:07
  make
• 4:07
  the
• 4:08
  choice
• 4:09
  to
• 4:09
  learn
• 4:09
  something
• 4:10
  different.
• 4:10
  That
• 4:11
  one
• 4:11
  shift
• 4:12
  literally
• 4:12
  will
• 4:12
  move
• 4:13
  you
• 4:13
  from
• 4:14
  identity
• 4:15
  to
• 4:15
  awareness
• 4:16
  to
• 4:16
  possibility.
• 4:17
  So
• 4:18
  instead
• 4:18
  of
• 4:18
  saying,
• 4:18
  "I'm
• 4:19
  an
• 4:19
  anxious
• 4:19
  person,"
• 4:20
  say
• 4:20
  to
• 4:20
  yourself,
• 4:21
  "I
• 4:21
  learn
• 4:21
  to
• 4:21
  be
• 4:22
  anxious.
• 4:23
  And
• 4:23
  if
• 4:23
  I
• 4:23
  learn
• 4:24
  to
• 4:24
  be
• 4:24
  anxious,
• 4:24
  I
• 4:24
  can
• 4:25
  learn
• 4:25
  to
• 4:25
  undo
• 4:26
  that.
• 4:26
  I
• 4:26
  can
• 4:26
  learn
• 4:27
  not
• 4:27
  to
• 4:27
  do
• 4:27
  that.
• 4:28
  And
• 4:28
  why
• 4:29
  does
• 4:29
  this
• 4:29
  work?
• 4:29
  Let's
• 4:30
  talk
• 4:30
  about
• 4:30
  why
• 4:30
  it
• 4:30
  works."
• 4:31
  Because
• 4:31
  your
• 4:31
  brain
• 4:32
  is
• 4:32
  wired
• 4:32
  to
• 4:33
  protect
• 4:33
  identity.
• 4:34
  If
• 4:34
  you
• 4:34
  believe
• 4:35
  this
• 4:35
  is
• 4:35
  who
• 4:35
  I
• 4:35
  am,
• 4:36
  your
• 4:36
  brain
• 4:36
  will
• 4:37
  defend
• 4:37
  it.
• 4:37
  It
• 4:37
  will
• 4:37
  find
• 4:38
  every
• 4:38
  opportunity
• 4:39
  in
• 4:39
  the
• 4:39
  world
• 4:40
  to
• 4:41
  make
• 4:41
  sure
• 4:41
  that
• 4:42
  you
• 4:42
  know
• 4:42
  this
• 4:42
  is
• 4:42
  who
• 4:43
  you
• 4:43
  are.
• 4:43
  But
• 4:44
  if
• 4:44
  you
• 4:44
  see
• 4:44
  it
• 4:44
  as
• 4:44
  something
• 4:45
  different,
• 4:45
  if
• 4:45
  you
• 4:45
  see
• 4:45
  it
• 4:46
  as,
• 4:46
  "This
• 4:46
  is
• 4:46
  something
• 4:46
  I
• 4:47
  learn,"
• 4:48
  your
• 4:48
  brain
• 4:49
  becomes
• 4:50
  open
• 4:50
  to
• 4:50
  change,
• 4:51
  and
• 4:51
  that
• 4:51
  is
• 4:52
  what
• 4:52
  is
• 4:52
  so
• 4:52
  important.
• 4:53
  This
• 4:53
  is
• 4:53
  why
• 4:53
  the
• 4:53
  conversation
• 4:54
  with
• 4:54
  David
• 4:55
  matters
• 4:55
  so
• 4:55
  much,
• 4:56
  because
• 4:56
  yes,
• 4:57
  what
• 4:57
  he
• 4:57
  went
• 4:57
  through
• 4:58
  shaped
• 4:58
  him.
• 4:58
  And
• 4:58
  let
• 4:59
  me
• 4:59
  tell
• 4:59
  you,
• 4:59
  if
• 4:59
  you
• 4:59
  did
• 5:00
  not
• 5:00
  listen
• 5:00
  to
• 5:00
  the
• 5:00
  episode,
• 5:01
  I
• 5:01
  want
• 5:01
  you
• 5:01
  to
• 5:01
  go
• 5:01
  back.
• 5:02
  He,
• 5:03
  wrote
• 5:03
  a
• 5:03
  book
• 5:04
  and
• 5:04
  he
• 5:04
  wrote
• 5:04
  a
• 5:04
  book
• 5:04
  all
• 5:05
  about
• 5:05
  his
• 5:05
  life
• 5:06
  as
• 5:06
  a
• 5:06
  child
• 5:07
  and
• 5:07
  the
• 5:07
  life
• 5:08
  of,
• 5:08
  like,
• 5:08
  kind
• 5:08
  of
• 5:09
  the
• 5:09
  drug
• 5:09
  world,
• 5:10
  but
• 5:10
  from
• 5:10
  a
• 5:10
  child's
• 5:11
  lens.
• 5:11
  And
• 5:11
  I
• 5:11
  can't
• 5:12
  wait
• 5:12
  to
• 5:12
  get
• 5:12
  the
• 5:12
  book,
• 5:12
  actually.
• 5:13
  I'm
• 5:13
  gonna
• 5:13
  put
• 5:13
  the
• 5:13
  link
• 5:13
  in
• 5:13
  the
• 5:14
  show
• 5:14
  notes
• 5:14
  in
• 5:14
  this
• 5:14
  episode
• 5:15
  as
• 5:15
  well,
• 5:15
  because
• 5:15
  I
• 5:16
  think
• 5:16
  it's
• 5:16
  very
• 5:16
  important
• 5:17
  that
• 5:17
  people
• 5:17
  that
• 5:18
  grew
• 5:18
  up
• 5:19
  in
• 5:19
  this
• 5:19
  kind
• 5:19
  of
• 5:19
  chaos
• 5:20
  understand
• 5:21
  that
• 5:21
  they
• 5:21
  are
• 5:22
  not
• 5:22
  alone
• 5:24
  because,
• 5:24
  yes,
• 5:25
  this
• 5:25
  did
• 5:25
  shape
• 5:25
  him,
• 5:26
  but
• 5:26
  it
• 5:26
  also
• 5:27
  shaped
• 5:27
  him
• 5:27
  in
• 5:28
  a
• 5:28
  good
• 5:28
  way,
• 5:29
  and
• 5:29
  it
• 5:29
  taught
• 5:29
  him
• 5:30
  things
• 5:30
  that
• 5:30
  he
• 5:30
  might
• 5:31
  not
• 5:31
  have
• 5:31
  ever
• 5:31
  learned
• 5:32
  had
• 5:32
  he
• 5:32
  been
• 5:32
  in
• 5:32
  this
• 5:33
  situation,
• 5:33
  right?
• 5:34
  It
• 5:34
  gave
• 5:34
  him
• 5:34
  resilience,
• 5:35
  it
• 5:35
  gave
• 5:36
  him
• 5:36
  awareness,
• 5:37
  it
• 5:37
  gave
• 5:37
  him
• 5:37
  the
• 5:37
  ability
• 5:38
  to
• 5:38
  handle
• 5:38
  pressure,
• 5:40
  but
• 5:40
  it
• 5:40
  didn't
• 5:40
  define
• 5:41
  the
• 5:42
  rest
• 5:42
  of
• 5:42
  his
• 5:42
  life.
• 5:42
  And
• 5:43
  I
• 5:43
  think
• 5:43
  that's
• 5:43
  the
• 5:43
  important
• 5:44
  part
• 5:44
  to
• 5:44
  focus
• 5:44
  on
• 5:44
  here.
• 5:45
  It's
• 5:45
  really
• 5:45
  the
• 5:45
  part
• 5:46
  I
• 5:46
  want
• 5:46
  you
• 5:46
  to
• 5:46
  hear
• 5:46
  because
• 5:47
  you
• 5:47
  are
• 5:47
  not
• 5:47
  your
• 5:48
  past.
• 5:49
  You
• 5:49
  are
• 5:49
  not
• 5:49
  your
• 5:49
  trauma.
• 5:51
  You
• 5:51
  are
• 5:53
  whatever
• 5:53
  you
• 5:53
  decide
• 5:53
  to
• 5:54
  be
• 5:54
  next.
• 5:55
  And
• 5:55
  I
• 5:55
  always
• 5:56
  talk,
• 5:56
  and
• 5:56
  you've
• 5:56
  probably,
• 5:56
  if
• 5:57
  you've
• 5:57
  listened
• 5:57
  to
• 5:57
  this
• 5:58
  podcast,
• 5:58
  you've
• 5:59
  heard
• 5:59
  me
• 5:59
  say
• 5:59
  a
• 5:59
  million
• 6:00
  times
• 6:01
  that
• 6:01
  the
• 6:01
  way
• 6:01
  you
• 6:02
  were
• 6:02
  born
• 6:03
  was
• 6:03
  joyous
• 6:03
  and
• 6:04
  beautiful
• 6:04
  and
• 6:04
  divine,
• 6:05
  and
• 6:05
  then
• 6:05
  life
• 6:05
  happened,
• 6:06
  and
• 6:06
  people
• 6:06
  told
• 6:06
  you
• 6:07
  differently,
• 6:07
  and
• 6:07
  it
• 6:07
  changed
• 6:08
  the
• 6:08
  way
• 6:08
  you
• 6:08
  looked
• 6:08
  at
• 6:08
  the
• 6:08
  world.
• 6:10
  But
• 6:10
  again,
• 6:10
  your
• 6:11
  brain
• 6:11
  is
• 6:11
  so
• 6:12
  resilient,
• 6:12
  and
• 6:13
  your
• 6:13
  brain
• 6:13
  is
• 6:13
  so
• 6:15
  pliable.
• 6:15
  Like,
• 6:16
  it's
• 6:16
  so
• 6:16
  bendable
• 6:17
  and
• 6:17
  so
• 6:17
  changeable,
• 6:18
  and
• 6:18
  anything
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  got
• 6:19
  wired,
• 6:20
  if
• 6:20
  it
• 6:20
  got
• 6:20
  wired
• 6:21
  the
• 6:21
  way
• 6:21
  you
• 6:21
  don't
• 6:21
  like
• 6:21
  it,
• 6:22
  you
• 6:22
  can
• 6:22
  do
• 6:22
  whatever
• 6:23
  you
• 6:23
  have
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  do
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  unwire
• 6:24
  it.
• 6:24
  I
• 6:24
  promise
• 6:25
  you,
• 6:25
  my
• 6:25
  friends,
• 6:26
  this
• 6:26
  is
• 6:26
  actually
• 6:26
  the
• 6:26
  work
• 6:27
  that
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  do
• 6:27
  with
• 6:27
  my
• 6:27
  clients
• 6:28
  every
• 6:28
  single
• 6:29
  day.
• 6:30
  I
• 6:30
  help
• 6:30
  you
• 6:30
  separate
• 6:31
  who
• 6:31
  you
• 6:31
  are
• 6:31
  from
• 6:32
  what
• 6:32
  you
• 6:32
  learned,
• 6:33
  because
• 6:33
  who
• 6:34
  you
• 6:34
  are
• 6:34
  is
• 6:34
  this
• 6:34
  amazing,
• 6:35
  beautiful,
• 6:35
  divine,
• 6:36
  joyous
• 6:36
  creature,
• 6:37
  and
• 6:38
  what
• 6:38
  you
• 6:38
  learned
• 6:38
  are
• 6:39
  things
• 6:39
  that
• 6:39
  happen
• 6:40
  because
• 6:41
  of
• 6:42
  what
• 6:42
  happened
• 6:42
  to
• 6:42
  you.
• 6:43
  So
• 6:43
  once
• 6:43
  you
• 6:43
  can
• 6:44
  see
• 6:44
  a
• 6:44
  pattern,
• 6:44
  once
• 6:45
  you
• 6:45
  can
• 6:45
  identify
• 6:46
  a
• 6:46
  pattern,
• 6:46
  you
• 6:46
  can
• 6:46
  learn
• 6:47
  to
• 6:47
  change
• 6:47
  the
• 6:47
  pattern.
• 6:48
  So
• 6:48
  if
• 6:48
  you're
• 6:49
  listening
• 6:49
  and
• 6:49
  you're
• 6:49
  thinking
• 6:50
  this,
• 6:50
  right
• 6:50
  now,
• 6:50
  you're
• 6:51
  sitting
• 6:51
  here
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  you're
• 6:51
  listening
• 6:52
  and
• 6:52
  you're
• 6:52
  thinking,
• 6:52
  "Oh
• 6:52
  my
• 6:52
  God,
• 6:53
  this
• 6:53
  is
• 6:53
  so
• 6:53
  me,
• 6:54
  then
• 6:55
  book
• 6:55
  a
• 6:55
  call
• 6:55
  with
• 6:56
  me.
• 6:56
  It's
• 6:56
  a
• 6:56
  confidence
• 6:57
  and
• 6:57
  calm
• 6:57
  call
• 6:58
  and
• 6:58
  we
• 6:58
  talk
• 6:58
  about
• 6:58
  whatever
• 6:58
  you
• 6:59
  wanna
• 6:59
  talk
• 6:59
  about,
• 6:59
  but
• 7:00
  we'll
• 7:00
  talk
• 7:00
  about
• 7:00
  mostly
• 7:01
  what
• 7:01
  the
• 7:01
  patterns
• 7:02
  are
• 7:02
  that
• 7:02
  you
• 7:02
  see
• 7:03
  showing
• 7:03
  up
• 7:03
  in
• 7:03
  your
• 7:04
  life
• 7:04
  and
• 7:05
  how
• 7:05
  you're
• 7:05
  still
• 7:05
  operating
• 7:06
  from
• 7:06
  them.
• 7:07
  And
• 7:07
  let's
• 7:07
  see
• 7:07
  if
• 7:08
  we
• 7:08
  can
• 7:08
  get
• 7:08
  to
• 7:08
  the
• 7:08
  bottom
• 7:08
  of
• 7:08
  it
• 7:08
  and
• 7:09
  let's
• 7:09
  see
• 7:09
  what
• 7:09
  your
• 7:09
  next
• 7:09
  steps
• 7:10
  are,
• 7:10
  whether
• 7:10
  it's
• 7:10
  with
• 7:11
  me
• 7:11
  or
• 7:11
  whatever
• 7:12
  it
• 7:12
  is,
• 7:12
  your
• 7:12
  next
• 7:13
  step
• 7:13
  to
• 7:13
  being
• 7:14
  the
• 7:14
  most
• 7:14
  joyous,
• 7:14
  happy,
• 7:15
  beautiful,
• 7:15
  divine
• 7:15
  creature
• 7:16
  that
• 7:16
  you
• 7:17
  were
• 7:17
  put
• 7:17
  on
• 7:17
  this
• 7:17
  earth
• 7:18
  to
• 7:18
  be,
• 7:18
  not
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  one
• 7:19
  that
• 7:20
  is
• 7:20
  running
• 7:20
  from
• 7:20
  these
• 7:21
  subconscious
• 7:22
  programming
• 7:23
  patterns
• 7:23
  and
• 7:23
  habits
• 7:25
  from
• 7:26
  stuff
• 7:26
  that
• 7:26
  other
• 7:26
  people
• 7:27
  told
• 7:27
  you,
• 7:28
  stuff
• 7:28
  that
• 7:28
  you
• 7:28
  saw,
• 7:29
  stuff
• 7:29
  that
• 7:29
  you
• 7:29
  witnessed,
• 7:30
  stuff
• 7:30
  that
• 7:30
  should
• 7:30
  never
• 7:30
  have
• 7:31
  been
• 7:31
  part
• 7:31
  of
• 7:31
  your
• 7:31
  life.
• 7:32
  So
• 7:32
  remember
• 7:33
  this,
• 7:33
  you
• 7:33
  are
• 7:33
  not
• 7:33
  broken,
• 7:35
  you
• 7:35
  are
• 7:36
  patterned
• 7:36
  and
• 7:37
  patterns
• 7:37
  can
• 7:37
  change.
• 7:38
  So
• 7:38
  until
• 7:39
  the
• 7:39
  next
• 7:39
  one,
• 7:39
  I
• 7:39
  will
• 7:40
  see
• 7:40
  you
• 7:40
  back
• 7:40
  and
• 7:41
  hopefully
• 7:41
  you
• 7:41
  got
• 7:42
  something
• 7:42
  from
• 7:42
  this
• 7:42
  and
• 7:42
  hopefully
• 7:43
  you
• 7:43
  can
• 7:43
  make
• 7:43
  just
• 7:44
  that
• 7:44
  one
• 7:44
  small
• 7:44
  shift
• 7:45
  because
• 7:46
  guys,
• 7:46
  healing
• 7:46
  does
• 7:46
  not
• 7:47
  happen
• 7:47
  in
• 7:47
  a
• 7:47
  day.
• 7:48
  It
• 7:48
  happens
• 7:49
  tiny
• 7:49
  little
• 7:49
  moments
• 7:50
  at
• 7:50
  a
• 7:50
  time
• 7:51
  over
• 7:51
  and
• 7:51
  over
• 7:52
  and
• 7:52
  over
• 7:52
  again
• 7:52
  with
• 7:53
  implementing
• 7:53
  the
• 7:53
  things
• 7:54
  you
• 7:54
  learn.
• 7:54
  So
• 7:54
  you
• 7:55
  have
• 7:55
  a
• 7:55
  blessed
• 7:55
  day
• 7:55
  and
• 7:56
  we
• 7:56
  will
• 7:56
  see
• 7:56
  you
• 7:56
  back.
• 7:56
  I