Latest / Two Broke Chicks / Affordable Brain Hacks To Be Happier, Smarter & Sharper ft. Alexis Fernandez

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Affordable Brain Hacks To Be Happier, Smarter & Sharper ft. Alexis Fernandez · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on Gadagal Land, Always was, always
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. In today's episode, we're going to
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: touch on topics including mental health and depression. If this
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: may be triggering to you, please take care and feel free.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: To skip this one.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: If you need If you or someone you know is struggling,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: please reach out to Lifeline on one three one one
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: one four or Beyond Blue on one three hundred two
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: two four six three six. Let's get into it, Hey, Jix,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I'm Zal and I'm this is too Broae Chicks, the
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: show that shares life lessons and tips to help make
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: you rich in life and welcome back to Alexis Fernande Loos.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: The fourth I think it's the fifth or the six.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I was through the episodes because I was like, what
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: do we want to cover with Alexus?
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Because there's so much we could and we could just
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: chat with you forever.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: But we've had you on the pod quite a few
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: times over the years, so I was like, ground, haven't we.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Coverds wild speaking third? But you're literally the unofficial third host.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: I think you're definitely the guests we've had the most.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: I like the chicks love you and love chicks.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: For any of the chicks who have me, I'm.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Like, it's a it's a mutual thing because we love
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: having you on.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: But also every time we have you on, the chicks
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: do absolutely love it, and we always get so many
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: positive reviews and follow up questions and whatnot every time
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: we have you on.
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: We've also been through so many errors together.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: When we first met, Like I was single and I'm like, oh,
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: you didn't have their bears.
• 1:43
  Speaker 5: No, no, And I feel like the last time I
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: was on the podcast, I was pregnant. You were quite
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: about to give White pregnant in charge.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember we were asking, were like, do you
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: want to come on?
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: But you know, oh my god, and yeah that's right
• 2:00
  Speaker 5: because you were just about to go to Europe last year.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's been about a year, so yeah you so.
• 2:05
  Speaker 6: It would have been huge.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: You were beautiful, beautiful, the beautiful. Now yeah, it's incredible.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Now you're a mom of two twin boys, amazing.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: So much has changed.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: But I did want to give like a little TLDR
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: up the top because for anybody who hasn't listened to
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: maybe our past episodes or doesn't follow you already, so
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: you're a neuroscientist, but you're also the.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Host of the do You Fucking Mind?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Podcast, so we're are going to dive into I guess
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like tips and tricks and brain hacks on how
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: to fall back in love with your life again.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Great, which I am very, very excited.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I think at this time of the year is the
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: perfect time we need to get our sparks back. But really,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I do think that this is the kind of topic
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: that we could cover any time of the.
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: Year, honestly anytime, but I love doing it at a
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: time I think this is the perfect time where, especially
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: if you're not doing a euro trip. Girls, you know,
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: when you're like in a bit of a slump in
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: the year, you don't have like it's not summer, you
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: don't have like big it's not Christmas or New Year's
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: or this or that. This is kind of the perfect
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: time to revisit that, so it gives you something to
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: look forward to, something to get excited about. I always
• 3:11
  Speaker 5: like to in the like lull times of the year,
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: I like to put mini challenges or things to do,
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  Speaker 5: something to.
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  Speaker 6: Look forward to.
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  Speaker 3: People need to like reignite their sparkle. I feel like
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: that's when you like get can like fall into a
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: rut or like you need to get your sparkle bit
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: a little bit, which like slut for a sparkle.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I said that before we get into the episode, we
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: love to start with our life lessons of the week,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So would you like to kick us off?
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  Speaker 4: What have you learned this week?
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  Speaker 5: What have I learned? I always say I'm going to
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  Speaker 5: prepare for this life lesson of a week, and.
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  Speaker 6: Then I can't out unprepared every time, So that's one.
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  Speaker 2: But no, that's okay when it comes to you first.
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  Speaker 5: Look, there's actually I'm actually going to pull this because
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: I started legitimately doing this because I'm one person that
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: obviously I teach everyone what to do, and sometimes I
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: have to revisit my own work to kind of take
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: a page out of my own book and be like,
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  Speaker 5: I really should apply and.
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  Speaker 6: Teach what I tell people to do. But that's what
• 4:12
  Speaker 6: you pray exactly.
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  Speaker 5: And in the episode about falling in love with your life,
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  Speaker 5: one of the things that I have really been sticking
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  Speaker 5: to and I've loved is where I tell people to
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: write one sentence. It can be a paragraph, but at
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: least one sentence a day about the most significant thing
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: that happened. It could be the most embarrassing moment. It
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: could be something really beautiful that you're grateful for. It
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: could be a lesson, it could be something really fuck
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: to that happened.
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  Speaker 6: Anything. But by the end of the year, you've got
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  Speaker 6: a really interesting book.
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  Speaker 5: So it has to include the loves as well, so
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  Speaker 5: you can be like, oh I remember, oh I remember that.
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: It's like you've got like a whole book worth, or
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: like quite a few pages off, like a sentence of
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  Speaker 5: every day. And it's good for two reasons, because one,
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: it's cool to write it down. But while the day
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: is happening, I'm thinking, is this going to be my sentence?
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  Speaker 5: Like is this going to be? And so I start
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  Speaker 5: making the day. The day feels more present doing that.
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  Speaker 5: I love that doing that.
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  Speaker 4: I kind of was doing that in Europe.
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  Speaker 3: Sorry that I was like writing down the things that
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I'd learned because Saul and my boyfriend Rob love to
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: go to every single church or museum lot.
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: I'm a vacationer.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: I realized I'm like twenty percent traveler, eighty percent vacationer.
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: I want to relax.
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  Speaker 5: I'll go see I get that. No, I understand and
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  Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm kind of in the middle because I
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: get that I can't have my whole itinerary book, but
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  Speaker 5: I also can't not go to not your dam or whatever.
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  Speaker 2: You know.
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  Speaker 4: It's good because it forces me to go.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: But I was like writing down all the random little
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: things that I've learned that's around the trip. Like one
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  Speaker 3: of them was the Hungarian queen and she had sixteen
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: She's the only queen that Hungary's ever had.
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  Speaker 4: She had sixteen children, one of them being Marie Antoinette.
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  Speaker 5: What she was one of sixteen Mariannsouinnette story is wild.
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  Speaker 6: Yes, yes, have you been to the High No, that's
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  Speaker 6: on the list. Go next year, You'll love it.
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  Speaker 4: What's your life lesson of the week?
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  Speaker 1: My life lesson of the week is if you get
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: anxiety at the dentists wear headphones. So I went to
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: like just my regular clean on the weekend and I
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: was sitting there and I had a different dentist this time,
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  Speaker 1: and she was really really sweet, and she was like
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: about to get started, and she was like, Oh, do
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: you get any like sensitivity or pain? And I was like, oh,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: like not really sometimes. But the real issue is that
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I get really anxious, So I get like really stiff
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: and like I'll be clenching my fists and stuff like that,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: and I'll be like, you know, squeezing my eyes like
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  Speaker 1: and so people think I'm in a lot of pain,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: but really I'm just anxious. And she was like, oh,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: do you want to listen to some music or something?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Do you have headphones? And I was like that's an option.
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  Speaker 2: She was like.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, like I don't need to be have TVs
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  Speaker 5: on the root.
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  Speaker 1: Well do you know what that happened to me once?
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: The one time I was getting a feeling. Yes, this
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: is like in two thousand and eight, and they had
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: a TV above and they had a medical show on,
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  Speaker 1: like one of those ones where they're showing like some
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: sort of surgery.
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  Speaker 5: Put it was in the middle of the thing and no, yeah, no,
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  Speaker 5: I was watching a modern family.
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  Speaker 4: There's a dentisty in me that in the window. There's
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: a sign that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: You can have a dog emotional support.
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  Speaker 4: That's the dentists, and you can book to have like
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  Speaker 4: a thing.
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  Speaker 6: I pretend I've got severity.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, I actually.
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: Do hate the dentists.
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  Speaker 5: And I was like, that was much more expensive?
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: Is it to have the dog?
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: Because I've got health and yeah, I got like all
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: four wisdom teape taken out in the chair in the
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: sh I was awaken, Yeah, and.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Sit on you and like mat.
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: Was on your shoulders. They actually had to be more
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: because you're awake. They've got to be almost more careful
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: because they have to.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've heard that, Like if you do it in
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: the chair, they're a little bit more gentle, whereas like
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: if you go under the like hacking.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, your life lesson, al my life.
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  Speaker 3: Lesson of the week is that apparently nineties babies.
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: Had the rarest childhood.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: So if you were born from nineteen ninety two to
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: nineteen ninety nine, you apparently had the rarest childhood because
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: you were on like the cusp of technology.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 5: So okay, I mean I was born in eighty nine.
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  Speaker 5: Does that count?
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: No, I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I'm like I saw that as well, and then I
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: saw people being like what about ninety one and ninety two.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I still think that you got to experience the pre
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: and post internet world well yet.
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: Because my Space came in when I was in grade eleven,
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: so it was like the perfect time.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: Oh that's so good.
• 8:48
  Speaker 6: It was so good and we had like Emerson Messenger
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: prior to that, and that was like you beyond Yeah,
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: So I feel like.
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah the way, yeah, I think so.
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: I like that Instagram wasn't a thing to.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Be a major MySpace was enough at the time, Like
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: that caused enough drama.
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: The top eight.
• 9:06
  Speaker 6: The top eight is diabolical.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Let alone, like dms and snapchat and stuff like I
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: don't know how kids see you, says do it?
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: No, Well, apparently my Space is making a comeback soon.
• 9:14
  Speaker 6: I know I don't get that, no, but I would
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: love that.
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: Okay, love it.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Now that we've got our life lessons out of the way,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: let's dive into the episode. So, as we mentioned up top,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: today's episode is all about falling back in love with
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: your life. So what are the signs that you may
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: have fallen out of love with your life?
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: I think the biggest one is that it feels like
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: you're just going through the motions every day, and if
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: you're someone that the only spark of real excitement or
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: joy is this one thing out in the distance, like
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: or if you live for the weekends, if you live
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: for that one holiday in the year, but you don't
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: seem to have any of that spark. Like we were
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: talking about day to day, it's okay for every so
• 9:55
  Speaker 5: often to have a dad day.
• 9:56
  Speaker 6: It's not that every day has to be great.
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: But if you feel like I have not much to
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: look forward to and the things that I have to
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: look forward to are so far away and it's this
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: one off event, that's a huge sign. So it's thinking
• 10:07
  Speaker 5: if you're always living for something that's out there, or
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: you're living to be distracted, like to just be on
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: your phone, can't wait to get home, something, start scrolling,
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: can't wait, like you're just pacifying your life, and by
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: the end of the day you're like, I could have
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: had all this done, but I'm just tired on this
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: on that you're just going through the motions and after
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: year after year after year, not too much changes. That's
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: a sign.
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: Have you heard of this thing?
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: And it's like whening your life away, like I'll be
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: happy when, Yeah, this will work out when and all.
• 10:34
  Speaker 6: Definitely definitely yeah.
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: So that's very much this feeling of expecting something to
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: happen first in order for change to happen when happiness
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: and this is like it's been studied.
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: It always works the other way around.
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: If you can bring the feeling first, things are more
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: likely to fall into place faster or better than you
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: expected because the way you approach things is very much
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: kind of predetermined by how you feel at the time,
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: So your emotions actually predetermine your experience of the date.
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  Speaker 6: It's not the other way around.
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  Speaker 5: People think, oh, well, if something goes well for me,
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: then I'll be happy, but it's like, no, if I'm happy,
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: my interaction with people is going to be different. How
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: I respond to people, how I engage with people, what
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: I'm aware of things that actually I'm aware of that
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: normally I would walk past because I'm not in a
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: good mood. Everything changes based on your feelings, So that
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: has to be the cause, not the effect.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: Right, I love that?
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: How can you, like, can you put that into an
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: example for it? Like, let's say the workday though, because like,
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: if we're being like, you have to be happy first,
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: then then you'll.
• 11:35
  Speaker 6: Enjoy your day.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, people will be like, but how do I how
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: do I be happy?
• 11:39
  Speaker 6: How do I be happy?
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: Let me just you my note part You almost have
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: to think and that's right, Like, you can't just be
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: happy out of the blue if you're not feeling that great.
• 11:49
  Speaker 6: But you could think, what would someone who's happy do?
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: Okay, so if I'm a happy person, I would firstly
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: get up out of bed without kind of staying in
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: bed for too much longer. I would, you know, get
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: my day ready, and then I'd probably want to spend
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: a bit of time in the sun. I would probably
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: walk a little bit more to work. Let's say I
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: could catch the train one station early, especially if there's
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: a caf found the way, maybe I could get a coffee.
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: Maybe I could make eye contact with the person and say,
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: how's you, how's your.
• 12:15
  Speaker 6: Morning been or whatever? Or oh I love what a
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: comment on something?
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: I love this cool thing that you've got here, doesn't
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: matter anything anything, Just start a conversation.
• 12:24
  Speaker 6: It's just that bid for connection. It really doesn't matter
• 12:26
  Speaker 6: what you say.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I like that bid.
• 12:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's what I'm Yeah.
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: So you just all these little bits and you get
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: to work. Let's say there's a receptionist where you work.
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: You're like, your hair looks so good today, compliment someone,
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: you make someone smile, and then instantly you're like, oh.
• 12:40
  Speaker 6: I just make the persons and then you feel good.
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: You get to the desk, You've done some basic things
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: that are already within your control that you could be
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: doing right now. You don't need any extra resources to
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: do these things. You already feel a little bit more empowered.
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: You feel like I took control of my morning and
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: I was able to feel a little bit better.
• 12:56
  Speaker 6: That's what a happy person would do.
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: So you could do that even if you're not in
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: the best mood, and already you've lifted that mood.
• 13:02
  Speaker 6: And then you're like oh oh, and you're a bit
• 13:04
  Speaker 6: more aware.
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: And then someone walks part you like hey, and you
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: start and then because you're in a good mood, maybe
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: someone at work is like, oh, I might actually grab
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: you now I was gonna talk, and then they start
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: sharing an idea with you, and before you know it,
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: you've created all these opportunities for conversations, for ideas to
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: be shared, for someone that maybe never would have spoken
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: to you in the office to talk to you about
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: something new that you could get on board with it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 6: Everything feeds off like.
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: Like attracts, like that's what I think about all the time.
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: So that's like a small example.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: I love that. Yeah, that's turned out of head.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So you recently shared a post on ten ways to
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: romanticize your life. Can you explain the neuroscience behind the
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: first one?
• 13:39
  Speaker 6: You really have to own those first three minutes at
• 13:41
  Speaker 6: the day and.
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: Three minutes three minute?
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: How many is that? Ninety seconds? No? One hundred and
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: twenty one.
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: Hundred maths and no seconds?
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: Funny, I don't have to do math and like.
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: And it's not even specifically, it's roughly three minutes. You're
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: just thinking what roughly could you do in three minutes?
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: So that's what I call it the first three minute
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: And it's for some people. You know, if you can
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: make it longer, great, But what I want you to
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: imagine is if I own those first three minutes of
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: the day, then the chances of me owning my day
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: in the sense of me having control over my day
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: versus my day having control over me goes up. So
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: it's like you're setting the tone. You set the scene.
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: It's like when you're telling a good story. If you
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: just go in and like give the punchline before the
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: story is shit, Like, that's like your day.
• 14:26
  Speaker 6: You have to set the scene for the day.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: So you start the day and you think, okay, I
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: could leap out of bed literally physically and stretch already,
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: I feel a little bit better then if I drag
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: myself out of bed after like scrolling and checking my
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: emails and being like, fuck, I forgot to reply to
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: that person, for it started my day on a most
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: I can wait two hours to find out that I
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: forgot like that to hear that something exactly, because if
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: you have fucked something up, you can realize that at
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: the start of your work day. You know what I mean,
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: If you have forgotten to reply, it's not life or death.
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: Stop ruining your day on these minor inconveniences. Because we're
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: all going to make mistakes, So why not you just
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: push all your mistakes to one time in the day
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: and deal with them there. We're so good at thinking, oh, well,
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: you know I have to No, now I have to don't. No,
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: you don't, No, you don't, because if you're not going
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: to be able to get to fixing that until you've
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: already done all these things, why are you ruining the
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: vibe for your morning? Why so I always say do
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: not check. Don't check.
• 15:26
  Speaker 6: You're not the only thing.
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: You should ever check when you're in bed is if
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: you've said to your friend we're meeting up at five
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: thir didn't wanting to go for a walk, and you're
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: checking to be like have they canceled or not?
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: That's it, okay, Like that's the only time cancels.
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: And then you're like, okay when you're being dramatic with
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: the time, so you don't check your phone. You get
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: out of bed. Okay, get out of bed, and I
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: want you to literally stretch your body and straight away
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: drink some water. Drink some water, hydrate your brain. So
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: far this is what fifteen seconds?
• 15:54
  Speaker 6: If that okay?
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: Then you go straight to the bathroom and you splash
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: some water in your face, go to the toilet, do
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: what you need to do, but very quickly. You don't
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: have to do a full skin routine. This is just
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: to wake up.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: There's your phone with you during any of this.
• 16:06
  Speaker 6: It can be like you can bring it in, but
• 16:07
  Speaker 6: I don't want you checking your phone.
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: So ideally you just switch your alarm off and you
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: keep it by your bedside table, go bathro and whatever.
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: Then you can grab your phone. You can have a
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: podcast playing if you want whatever. But the aim is
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: and I read this thing recently and it was so good.
• 16:20
  Speaker 6: But it's this idea of not living like so many
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: people will start our day.
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: And the first thing we do is look at what
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: other people are doing with their lives instead of looking
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: at what you're doing with your life. That's the problem,
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: Like we need to make ourselves the main event of
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: every day. Then you can look at what other people
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: are doing, but don't make that what sets the tone
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: for the day.
• 16:37
  Speaker 6: It has to be about you.
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: This is your time, and so that little interaction and
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: it doesn't all have to be productive in those three minutes.
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: You could spend a good minute just really patting your
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: dog's head. It could be something that makes you feel good.
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: It doesn't have to be like productivity product It's like,
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: how am I setting the time for the day so
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: I feel really good? If patting my dog for the
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: first minute of the day is what really fills my
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: cup up? Do that you know, something that makes you
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: feel connected, energized, awake and not likely to go back
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: to bed or to use your phone.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: I feel like I got little hack would be like
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: doing something that you don't normally do. This is a
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: weird example, but it's like I will be if I
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: sit on the floor and like I'll because there's this
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: one spot in my apartment where the sun really hits
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: and I'll sit on the floor rather than sitting on
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: the couch or like sitting in bed.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: I'll sit on the floor in the sun and pat
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: my cat.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: And it's literally like realise and it's so present, Yes.
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: And it's it's like a meditantan state, beautiful, beautiful, Yeah,
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: one hundred percent.
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: So it doesn't where you normally would have in the morning,
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: and it.
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: Could be it could be like make yourself a tea
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: or coffee or whatever you want to drink and then
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: just sit somewhere in peace and drink it. It's not
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: about I don't have to hit this to do list
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: and get fifty things done by the foot, No, but
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: it's about how do I feel really good in the
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: first first chunk of the day, the five to nine
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: before the nine to five like routine kind of gives me.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Hives in terms of like thinking that you need to
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: have four hours of productivity.
• 18:00
  Speaker 6: And you don't. You don't.
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: I like to think about it, like the most productive
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: thing you can do is to feel good. That's the
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: most productive thing because that then bleeds into every other
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: area of your life. That then makes you be more focused,
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: more attentive, You get more things done. You're not always
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: looking to distract yourself because you're in a ship mood
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: because you've like you know, you're you're feeling flat.
• 18:20
  Speaker 6: If you feel good, then everything else is going to
• 18:23
  Speaker 6: fall into place.
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: That's why I always say, like a real priority is
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: things that ultimately make you feel better. So if for you,
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: even if it's like, oh well it doesn't really make
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: me that much fitter. But if for you, walking up
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: the road getting a coffee and walking home is just
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: like the best way to start the day, do that.
• 18:40
  Speaker 6: Do that if it's going to get you in a
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: great mood, that's productive, you know.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like follow your instincts on what makes you feel good,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: not what maybe like society or something.
• 18:50
  Speaker 6: That you've read exactly exactly.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: So I think a lot of what we've been talking
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: about is like showing ourselves some self love, right, and
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: that time gets thrown around a lot. But I think
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: the issue with it is that a lot of people like,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: but what does that actually mean?
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: And you wrote a.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Really interesting substack about why it's important to create like measurable.
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: And achievable goals for self love.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: So how can we do this and what's the neuroscience
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: behind why they should be measurable.
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: Because, okay, we need to see progress. One of the
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: needs for us in our evolution through life is to
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: be able to notice growth and evolution and change and progress.
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: And the reason for this is because everything is always
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: moving around us. Nothing ever stays the same. If you
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: look at where you were five years ago, ten years ago,
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: people have changed, people have moved places, this and that.
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: So we need to be evolving and changing through life
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: as well, so we don't feel like we're left behind.
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: So that's really important. It's a huge it's like a
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: human need. There's like a need for adventure, there's a
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: need for growth, there's a need for connection, and there's
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: a need for stability, and then there's probably other things
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: as well, but those I think it's really important to
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: always touch on, like am I do I have a
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: sense of adventure in my life? Do I have?
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: How am I growing? How am I connecting? All of
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: these things?
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: So when we talk about self love, it's something that
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: it's I think for a lot of people it's really
• 20:14
  Speaker 5: hard to kind of put their finger on what exactly
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: does self love mean? Is it just running a bath
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: and being really nice to myself and lighting a candle
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: because that's one of the things that you could be doing.
• 20:23
  Speaker 5: This is great, but then yeah, and it's not because
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: sometimes people think, oh, well, that's really superficial.
• 20:29
  Speaker 6: But what about the deeper things. I think it's a
• 20:31
  Speaker 6: mix of the two.
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: It's things that make you feel good in the moment,
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: but it's also things that are going to make you
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: feel good long term as well. And this is where
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: you have to think, like, what am I doing to
• 20:39
  Speaker 5: respect myself? What would I feel like in six months
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: time or in one year time where I really honored
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: something that mattered to me? What would that look like?
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: So you have to be able to know what it
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: looks like and then you can measure it. If it's
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: something that's intangible and you think it's like when someone
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: says I just want more money, Okay, what do you
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: mean by more money?
• 20:58
  Speaker 6: What does that look like? Do you want stability? Do
• 21:00
  Speaker 6: you want security? Do you want to be able to
• 21:02
  Speaker 6: throw money around because you're so rich?
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: What does it look like?
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: If you can't measure it, you can't have a plan.
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: So the same goes for self love. What would self
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: love look like? What do I think someone with self
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: love would feel? I think personally, it would I would
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: feel at peace, out of peace of mind. I wouldn't
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: be in turmoil constantly about myself and my abilities or whatever.
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't be in fear of my future. Someone who
• 21:26
  Speaker 5: has self love is really like comfortable in their own skin.
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: I ready know what it looks like. So if I
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: was to then think, okay, well, how can I achieve
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: those things? Because I know what the feeling is, then
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: you start thinking, all right, someone who's really comfortable in
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: their skin?
• 21:38
  Speaker 6: And then you start you can pull examples from your life.
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: So for example, for me, my sister, she's someone that's
• 21:42
  Speaker 5: no matter who she's with, she's the same person, She's
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: the same version.
• 21:46
  Speaker 6: Okay, cool.
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: Then you start pulling examples and you think, okay, what
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: makes that person that way, and then you can start
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: to figure out what you need to do to get
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: there and how that is measurable. So I now know
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: that if I hang out with someone that I've just
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: met and I feel like I'm faking it and I've
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: got to pretend to be someone else, then I know
• 22:03
  Speaker 5: that I haven't gotten to where I want to be
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: in order to achieve feeling comfortable in my own skin,
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: so then you start, I mean, I could go so
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: in depth, and there's so many books that you could
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: read or whatever to change that, but it's I have
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: to know what it looks like in order to know
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: the difference between where I am and where I want
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: to be and what that looks like. You can't just say, oh,
• 22:21
  Speaker 5: I wish I had better self love, because.
• 22:23
  Speaker 6: What does that mean to you.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: That's like that in the book one hundred and one
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: Essays to Change the Way you think. It's kind of
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: similar to what you're saying and what you were saying before.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: But it's like.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: That people aren't People don't know what will actually make
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: them happy because they might not have experienced it yet.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: So it's like, oh, I'll be happy when X things happened,
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: But it's like you only know what you've experienced.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: You might not have actually experienced.
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: What will make you happy yet as well.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: So like even when you're pulling in all those things
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: that you know make you happy, it's kind of encouraging
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: to know that there are still so many other things
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: out there that you haven't experienced yet. If you're sitting
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: there and you're like, I don't know, like one I
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: do think you should be able to probably identify some
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: things that you want to work towards or that do
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: genuinely make you happy, But there's also so much opportunity
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: outside of that exactly.
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: And also when we talk about things that make us happy,
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: they often always come down to obviously sound mental health,
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: but also like the connections that we have in our lives.
• 23:23
  Speaker 6: So many people think, oh.
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: Well, and I finally get that job or that income
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: or whatever, then I'll be happy. But there's this whole
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: thing called hedonic adaptation, and it's basically where this one
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: major event isn't really going to ultimately change your overall happiness,
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: whether it's positive or negative.
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: So they did this big study.
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: I would wish I could reference exactly who did it,
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: but people that won the lot of versus people that
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: had like a relatively catastrophic event happened to them, where
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: it could have been something where they lost a limb
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: or became paraplegic, whereas the general population would think that
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: would make me unhappy forever. And then they looked at
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: these populations eighteen months later, and there the baseline level
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: of happiness what they were before the event eighteen months
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: like after the event, whether it was winning the lotto
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: or having this catastrophic event happened wasn't different. So people
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: thought the lotter would make me so happy forever they
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: went back. If they were already happy, they were the same.
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: If they were already miserable, they were back to being miserable.
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: And the same as people who were super super happy
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: who had something happened to them, like losing a limb
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: or whatever, they ended up finding being happy person again
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: once they adapted again because they were a happy person
• 24:27
  Speaker 5: in general. So you've got to think, how do I
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: make the every day happy? Because that's where real happiness
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: lies in the every day, in the connections with people,
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: in the how I'm living my life every day. It's
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: never this one big.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Event in like internal decisions, not some external factor that's
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: going to go.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: Like bibittybody exactly, so that it's working on those small things.
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: And it sounds so cliche, but it is the little things.
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: As annoying as that is, it's the small thing.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: You could see it as annoying or you could see
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: it as yeah, like really impairing.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: And achievement more.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: And you've also spoken about addiction to misery, and I
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: wanted to get into that, and I want to acknowledge
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: at first that you know, what you were talking about
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: is very different to say, like other mental health experiences
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: like depression, which aren't.
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, a choice exactly, And there is a big difference
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: with depression anxiety, and you know these mental actual disorders
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: versus miserable and we all know the difference, Like we
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: all know what it's like to have a friend who's
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: actually depressed and they do try and engage in things.
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: Sometimes they're the funniest people in the room. So depression
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: is very different. Miserable people are so fucking annoying and
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: we all know them. Miserable people just they love when
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: someone else is miserable. Love it, love it, They love
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: to The first thing they want to do is bring
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: something down, bring you down, bring other people down. They
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: have an issue, you give them an actual solution. It's
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: not one of those things where it's like someone has
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: an issue. They just want to vent because we are love.
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: I love to event, we all love to vent. But
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: when it's like simple solution and they're like no, but
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: it's not just that, it's then and then they rattle
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: off at another thousand things that's going wrong with them.
• 25:57
  Speaker 5: They never want to change. They never and then they
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: get bored being around people that are too positive or
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: too optimistic. They need to be around misery in order
• 26:05
  Speaker 5: to feel comfortable. So that's the difference.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I think people can practice self awareness too, Like
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: I definitely will, like sometimes we're just in a fucking mood,
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: like oh yeah, I would just be in a fucking
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: mood and we'll just be like winging, and then we'll
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: be like, Okay, this isn't fun for anyone. We need
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: to like like maybe you've missed a flight or something,
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: something's pissed us off, and we're being absolute moans and
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: we're being miserable. How can you pull yourself out of misery? Like,
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: how can you stop and pull yourself out of a
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: bad mood?
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: Essentially?
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: Well, I think one of the best things that I
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: recently learned. This is another thing that I learned this week.
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: Have you guys all coming together?
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah it is, it's all time. Have you guys had
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: of something called type two fun?
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: No?
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: Oh, like I would really And so my sister.
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: Taught me this the other day and I was like, oh, brilliant.
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: So we would like die hard into the World Cup,
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: getting up at three o'clock in the morning, like watching
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: the games. And I remember being that like four am
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: and I was ordering like Furnett, which is like this
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: really bitter apperative and Coca cola, and I'm like, I
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: am I an alcoholic drinking this alcohol, so anxious for
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: the game to start at a pub and my sister's like, well,
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: it's type two fun.
• 27:13
  Speaker 6: And I was like, what the fuck is that?
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: And She's like type two fun.
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: I was like, why is that?
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: And she was like it's where in the moment it's
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: annoying or stressful or really hard, but in hindsight it's fun.
• 27:24
  Speaker 6: So for example, you know, if you.
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: Missed a flight and then you had to go to
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: this other random city to catch another flight and get there.
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: At the time, you're like, this is bullshit, I hate this,
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: but when you look like, you like, remember that time
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: that was so funny or whatever all the time. Like
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: an example is my friend and we went to Europe
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: four years ago now, and I literally lost my luggage.
• 27:42
  Speaker 6: Three times in that trench three times.
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: And on one of the times, we both got to
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: this really bougie island and we had all these outfits
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: planned and we ended up being like, how do we're
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: a sorong twenty different times.
• 27:55
  Speaker 6: And at the time going up, blowing up, We're like,
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: this is fucking bullshad.
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: Where could have And then now the amount of times
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: we've brought that up since then, laughing our heads of
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: sam as like running a marathon or training like anything
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: that's really hard and not fun in the moment, but
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: you can look back and think that.
• 28:09
  Speaker 6: Was fucking fun.
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: So time too. Fun is one of the things that
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: if something is going bad and it's like I've had
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: ten bad things happened to me this morning, sometimes already
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: in the moment, I'm like, can't wait to be laughing
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: about this a class of fine later on, Like you know,
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: just like sometimes when something's going wrong, you just.
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: Be like, could this be type two fun later?
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: And so even like Lucy, you guys know we've traveled
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: together a lot, and so much goes wrong for us
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: when we travel. But because it's always it's so dramatic
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: and catastrophic, I always say that like we end up
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: laughing as it's happening because we're so used to it.
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: We're like, we know we're gonna laugh at heads about
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: this later, might as well laugh about it now.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: So it's one of those things that you can almost
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: turn a bad day around and frame it in that way.
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it'll be a good story.
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: It's gonna be great. It's gonna be a good Yeah.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: And that's so true because I can think of at
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: least ten Yeah.
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: We've been like what the fuck because where I are?
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you turn around and then the amount
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: of times, like I swear, half of friendship is just
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: like sitting down and talking about pastimes that have made
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: you like oh yes, yeah.
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: And laughing at each other's misfortunes like if something is going,
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: if ten things go wrong for me in that damn like
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: well like at least I'm comedic really for my friends.
• 29:20
  Speaker 6: Because they're like, all this.
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: Goes wrong for you, so like a love in a
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: loving way. But yeah, yeah that's what I said.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Okay, switching it a little bit. I love like a
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: term or a keyword and all that shit.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: I'm like, yep, tell me about it. But what is
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: brain drain?
• 29:43
  Speaker 6: Okay, this is really cool.
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: So it's called the brain drain effect and it is
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: something well it's the study is done on phones specifically, Okay,
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: but it is where if your phone is near you,
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: like on the table on the desk, and you're trying
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: to do work, and the phone is not related to
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: that work. So if you've got it there, even if
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: the screen is locked and faced down, just the phone
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: being there pulls your attention. It like hinders your creativity,
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: It like hinders your focus and like.
• 30:15
  Speaker 6: Your ability to take attention. Because of this awareness, and
• 30:20
  Speaker 6: people that.
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: Don't have their phone, if they put it away from
• 30:22
  Speaker 5: their eyesights, behind them or in a bag or whatever,
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: they are able to like drop into that flow state
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: or zone so much better. So it's actually draining. And
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: the reason for this is because your mind. Obviously you
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: use resources to do things, but you also use a
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: lot of resources to inhibit actions. So your brain is
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: constantly doing and inhibiting all the time, and if something's there,
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: you might not realize that, if your phone is there,
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: there's a huge part of your brain that's inhibiting. Don't
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: grab it, don't grub it, don't grab it, don't check it,
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: don't grab it, don't check it. That's energy, that's anything
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: we don't even realize. But like, think about how many
• 30:59
  Speaker 5: times you grab your phone and you're like, oh, like
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: just just by default, you've grabbed it, you've grubbed. That's
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: when that part of the brain overrode the inhibition. So
• 31:06
  Speaker 5: the inhibition got fatigued and then and then you went
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: and grabbed it. Your impulses one over your your ability
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: to inhibit an action. And so if you remove that altogether,
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: that's already a load of the brain that like cognitive
• 31:21
  Speaker 5: effort has been taken away because it's not there.
• 31:23
  Speaker 6: I don't have to think about not.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: Touching it, so and it's like not even because it's
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: just second nature.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: You just pick it up muscle memory.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, before you even realize, you've already opened the ARP
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: and TikTok. So that's really interesting because I think that
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: a lot of people would think, but oh no, it's
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: face down, I'm not looking at it, so.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: It's not taking my attention. But it's your subconscious that's right.
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: We have all these impulses, constant impulses, and the brain
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: has a like regions that their job is to override
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: the impulse and stop you from play at that impulse.
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: But then there are times where it slips up. And
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: that's why we like we do grab our phone or
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: we check or we do it like a nervous teak
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: or something.
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: My brain's supposed to stop control except performance review.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, our brands are meant to do that. Yeah.
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I feel like I needed some KPS.
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: What's going on?
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: And also this might be a bit controversial, but we
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: have said many, many times that we actually love to
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: do like a parallel scroll, like we love sitting in
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: bed together silently and scrolling. But I saw you share
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: something recently about why we shouldn't be doom scrolling with
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: our friends.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, I'm kind of scared to ask, you know what.
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: No, Okay, I I'm glad you brought that up. Because
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: if you schedule a parallel doom scroll and you think
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: we're lying in bed together, let's set a twenty minute
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: time we're going to doom scroll whatever. I actually think
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: that's okay, God, especially but especially if there is the
• 33:00
  Speaker 5: I think it's okay with the time limits, and you
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: could also make it semi productive, being like, by the
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: end of the twenty minutes, when this time I goes off,
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: I have to tell you the most interesting or funny
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: thing that I got in.
• 33:11
  Speaker 6: Those twenty minutes.
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: Okay, So at least it's like well there's goulda be
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: I can get something out of it. It's connection. So
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: if yeah, firstly it's timed you're both agreeing on it.
• 33:21
  Speaker 6: I think that's fine.
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 33:22
  Speaker 6: What I don't think is great is when you.
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: Are at coffee you decide that let's catch up, let's
• 33:29
  Speaker 5: do this, let's whatever, and then you say, oh my god,
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: I've got to show you this thing. It's so funny,
• 33:33
  Speaker 5: and then you show and then you're like, yeah, I
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: also saw something funny, and then you know when you're
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: like and then before you know it, you're both like yeah, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling,
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: It's like, what the fuck is this? Like, it's just
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: before we know it, it's stopped being a social thing.
• 33:44
  Speaker 6: We've gotten distracted.
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: Or sometimes you've got to reply to someone one secon
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: I've just got to reply to this person, and then
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: this notification pops up.
• 33:51
  Speaker 6: Then you go watch it and then you scroll scroll,
• 33:53
  Speaker 6: and before you're not you're.
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: Scrolling and this other person is sitting there, or two
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: people are sitting there wet, and then they start talking
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: and then you get distracted. So it's and some people
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: are really highly destructible, some people not so much.
• 34:03
  Speaker 6: So it obviously depends on the person.
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: But I always say, if you've made an intention to
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: go meet up with a friend to catch up and
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: the point is to actually spend time together, absolutely not.
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: The phone needs to be away. You only ever pull
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: out the phone if you want to, you know, or
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: social media. You only have access it if you want
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: to film a story together, or if if it's relevant,
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: if it's relevant to the encounter.
• 34:25
  Speaker 6: Otherwise it's away.
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: Otherwise it's got to go.
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: It's gotta go.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, I like that.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good end.
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: I'll allow. I'll allow a timed paralystic.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: We do that, So I'm okay.
• 34:35
  Speaker 6: I feel good about okay.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: You've also recently launched a series on your substack, becoming Smarter,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: Hotter and Sharper every Sunday, which I love. What are
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: the habits that we need to implement at the beginning
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: of every week to become smarter Holder and Sharper.
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: So there's and the reason why I said this, and
• 34:52
  Speaker 5: Hotter specifically meaning like, you know, when you really feeling myself,
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: you're fucking feeling a se like you feel Sharper, you
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: feel or when you've said something intelligent. Yeah, and you've
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: taught someone something and you're like, I'm killing good.
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: That like hotter in that sense where you find yourself.
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: You're like, I made four people in a lyft laughter
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: the other and I was like hot Literally what did
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: I say to them?
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Well, there was one guy that was trying to get
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: in the lift and like it was pretty full, and
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: I was like nah, and I look behind and I
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: was like, nah, you can fit. Come on, and so
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: he jumped in and he was like oh thanks, and
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: he's like I didn't want to take the stairs and
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, but if you did, the lift
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: would have been empty.
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: And then some guy behind me was like that's so true.
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: And then and I was like yeah, I like she
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: wrote your.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Live show will be happy.
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: That's so good.
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: Guess yeah exactly.
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: So that's what I mean by hotter.
• 35:47
  Speaker 6: So there's there's quite a few things you can do.
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: I in this series, I basically give people things to
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: do or you know, there's like a Ted talk or
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: a book recommendation. There's a word of the way Ted
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: talk ever, okay quest. He's a neuroscientist and his name,
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: his surname is ramachandran Vill vs.
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: His initials.
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: I don't want to like mispronounce his first name. He's
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: a brilliant neuroscientist and the way he explains things about
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: how the brain works and phantom limp pain, it's so
• 36:19
  Speaker 5: he's a comedian slash neuroscientist.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you have to check it out.
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: It's probably over ten years old and I've gone onto
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: YouTube as well to see that video. And there are
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: so many people that say I was lectured by this
• 36:32
  Speaker 5: man and he's literally that good. Every lecture at university
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: like this man. He's written books. He's incredible. So highly
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: recommend that Ted talk. That would be like it's called
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: it's called They actually changed the name halfway through it,
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: but it's in my recommendation of the substec It's in
• 36:45
  Speaker 5: the first my first Hotter Smarter Shark, smarter sharper, whatever.
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: So definitely check that one out. You'll love it and
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: then you'll learn more about the brain.
• 36:56
  Speaker 6: It's great. But then, yeah, so I always give these
• 36:58
  Speaker 6: little like bits of advice where you're doing small things throughout.
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: The week that are slowly making you like yourself more
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: like your brain, more like how your brain works. You
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: start getting excited about what's you know, when you start
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: learning something and you think, oh my god, I can't
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: believe I just learned that I can learn it to
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: the extent where I could have taught someone else. Then
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: you get excited, and then you probably want to learn
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: more about that thing or more about that skill, or
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: whether it's a sport or a hobby or painting or it
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: doesn't matter what it is. You start getting better and
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: you're excited to do something for yourself, something that is
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: just a hobby.
• 37:30
  Speaker 6: It's not going to bring an income, it doesn't whatever.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: That's the kind of thing that is going to start
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: helping you really fall in love with your life doing
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: these little things throughout the week.
• 37:38
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I love that.
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: To wrap up, we have a last question.
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: But before we get into that, I am throwing this.
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: We didn't say this, by the way, So if you
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: don't have an answer, that's so fine.
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: But you always do is what are five things really
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: really happy people do every day?
• 37:54
  Speaker 6: Okay, let me think.
• 37:58
  Speaker 5: One of them for sure is real connection. Now you
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: could say, oh, well, what about introverts.
• 38:05
  Speaker 6: Whatever.
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: Introverts are some of the best connected people in the world,
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: so that's got nothing to do with it.
• 38:08
  Speaker 6: So definitely real connection.
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: So having like a really good conversation in person, or
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: it could even be something that is, you know, with
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: your pet, okay, but it's feeling connected. Another one is
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: you have to feel useful. You have to feel useful,
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: and that is purpose. And so I always say, and
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: I believe this, and with all the studies that I've read,
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: it always comes down to having purpose cannot be an.
• 38:33
  Speaker 6: Isolated thing that's just about you.
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: Purpose has to do with your influence on the outside world,
• 38:40
  Speaker 5: on the world, whether it be with nature, other people.
• 38:42
  Speaker 5: It has to do with being useful. When you feel useful,
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: it feels validating in a very healthy way. Okay, because
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: there's all this talk about you have to learn to
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: validate yourself, which you do, and seeking validation from other
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: people when you're not providing value is also pointless because
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: then it's all superficial. So if I can really provide value,
• 39:02
  Speaker 5: then I'm always going to feel like I have a
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: place in this world, and I'm going to feel like
• 39:05
  Speaker 5: it's not all for nothing. You know, I've gone and contributed,
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: so it doesn't even have to be for free. It's
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: not a charity. But your work could be where you
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: provide value, or you could be providing value in something else.
• 39:16
  Speaker 6: You could be providing value in, you.
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: Know, helping out your neighbor do something or helping out
• 39:20
  Speaker 5: your friend do something. It's where you, yeah, and it
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: doesn't have to be to the masses. It can be
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: to a few individuals, but it's where you be. Where
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: you at the end of the day, you say I
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: I provided value, I was useful. I was useful. So
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: that's a huge one.
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: Another one is.
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: Definitely like having time for your mind to just be
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: so whether that be going for a walk or doing
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: something where you allow your creativity. Happy people are not
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: always pacifying and always looking for a distraction.
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: There has to be something gone in the background.
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: Happy people actually enjoy their own stream of consciousness, that
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: default mode network. So it's like this this way you
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: come up with idea and your brainstorm and you think
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: of this, and you can even do it with other people,
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: but you can do it alone. So that's a really
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: big thing with people that are happy. Another one would
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: be maybe, well you want to treat yourself well. Someone
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: who's genuinely happy has a level of respect for themselves,
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: so you want to If you're like, well, I'm not
• 40:14
  Speaker 5: really that happy, you could model it in reverse, so
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: you think whether that be having really good sleep, or
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: whether that be how you set your morning up like
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: we were talking about, or whether that be how you
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: talk to yourself, like.
• 40:25
  Speaker 6: The diet of your language and all of that.
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: And then lastly, I think really happy people have a
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: level off kind of spontaneous adventure in the day.
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: Maybe not everyone, but I think most happy people will
• 40:38
  Speaker 6: do that.
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: Like they're able to like snap out or break out,
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: and it's not the end of the day, it's not
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: the end of Like they're able to be spontaneous and
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: really enjoy that for the moment, do something out of
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: the blue, and it doesn't have to be daily.
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: But yeah, they can go with the flow. Yeah, yeah,
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: you have fun.
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, ungratitude of course, that's a big one.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, Okay. We always like to wrap.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Up our episodes with same question, and we've asked this
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: of you many, many times. But I feel like since
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: the last time we had you on, you have gone
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: through so much. Life has changed a lot, So I'm
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: interested to hear what your perspective is now. Yeah, what's
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: your biggest life lesson so far?
• 41:18
  Speaker 5: My biggest life lesson so far is I mean definitely
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: since having the twins, for sure. But I have never
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: been more present ever than since having the kids. I
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: heard this father of a bride talk about like, before
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: I had the kids, I was pregnant and I was
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: at a wedding and the dad made a comment of,
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: you know, looking at his daughter being like, oh my god,
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: you know, I can't believe you're getting married. You know,
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: we just brought you home from the hospital. It felt
• 41:54
  Speaker 5: like we've just brought you home, and you know, I
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: just want everyone here to just remember, like the nights alone,
• 42:00
  Speaker 5: but the years are short, and that stuck with me.
• 42:02
  Speaker 6: I'm like, I need to feel that way, even.
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: In those torturous nights, especially with twins, And that phrase
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: sticks with me every single day, literally every day.
• 42:11
  Speaker 6: And there are definitely hard moments.
• 42:13
  Speaker 5: And it's not to discredit people who think, oh, well,
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: I haven't been able to enjoy the first three months
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: of the baby because it is really hard, Because it's hard,
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: but it has made me so present. It has made me,
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: even in those times where I'm like, I'm sorry, fucking
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: slight deprived, look at them and being like, wow, imagine
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: when they're like graduating high school and here I am
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: able to give them a bottle, Like it's pretty cool
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: and so like it really has flipped my my attitude
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: probably already five hundred thousand times in the last year.
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: Like it's been such a good thing to like bring
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: you back to the present moment, just remembering how finite these.
• 42:43
  Speaker 6: These these moments are.
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: You know, things start and end so quickly, nothing is permanent,
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: and it's so nice to just.
• 42:50
  Speaker 6: Remind yourself off that so you're in it every time.
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: And I'm really grateful that I can look back on
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: the last year, even with the chaos of having twins
• 42:57
  Speaker 5: and everything, and being like I actually can say I've
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: been really present the whole time. So I guess that's
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: the lesson in a way.
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: That's good.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: But I really like that, Yeah, because I think whether
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: or not you have kids, that is such a good
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: remind y.
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: Yes, Like think about this time where you're hearing this
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: new space and like how exciting it was, and you know,
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: you don't know how long you're going to be in
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: this space, maybe you're going to evolve to a different space,
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: but it's such an exciting time in your life, and
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: you don't just want to like, you know, brush past
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: it and then we should awigh and then like you
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: always want to be like, how cool is this?
• 43:26
  Speaker 6: We get to work together and we're here in this place.
• 43:28
  Speaker 6: It's everything. It doesn't have to just be related to kids.
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: It's always that. It's that saying, and it's like, you know,
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: the good old days are right now?
• 43:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you're.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: Like, oh remember where it's for that?
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 43:43
  Speaker 5: We love like oh and then this happened same. I
• 43:46
  Speaker 5: love I love to reminisce sad but the best, it's
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: the best as long as you're coupling it with like
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: this is and you do that too. That's what I
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: think it like.
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: It actually reminds you that because like when you think
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: back to that, you will be like, oh, like we
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: didn't even know it.
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: Then It's like but you also don't even know it.
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: Now, like know it now?
• 44:08
  Speaker 6: Know it now?
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 44:09
  Speaker 6: I love that.
• 44:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I love that.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: What an amazing way to wrap the episode. Thank you
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: so much for coming on again. For any of the
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: chicks who don't follow you, where can they find you?
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: So?
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: My podcast is do you Fucking Mind?
• 44:22
  Speaker 5: My substack is Notes on the Mind dot substack dot com,
• 44:25
  Speaker 5: and then just on Instagram it's Alexis Fernanda's prexile.
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: Love it.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, we'll see you next year. And
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: thanks to you chicks for having us in the ear holes.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: We love to be here.