Latest / The Kink Consultant / 5 BDSM Scene Ideas You’ll Want To Try Tonight with Alesandra of Dom Sub Living

Transcript

5 BDSM Scene Ideas You’ll Want To Try Tonight with Alesandra of Dom Sub Living · The Kink Consultant

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It's a King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
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So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
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to it. Hey everyone, and welcome to the
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King Consultant podcast. This week I'm doing something
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different. I'm sharing an episode from the
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Dom Sub Living podcast. Alessandra at Dom Sub Living
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changed the game by making power exchange education accessible,
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practical, and actually usable in real relationships.
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The title of this episode is Five BDSM scene Ideas You'll
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want to Try tonight, and the reason I chose this episode in
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particular was because it's incredibly relatable.
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If you've been curious about running a scene but keep
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thinking you need a dungeon, hours of prep, or expert level
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confidence to get started, this conversation proves otherwise.
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Alessandra will share simple, powerful scene ideas that some
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I've tried and some I tried just because I listened to the
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episode, so please check it out. Subscribe to Dom Sub Living and
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don't skip the show notes because there are links to
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really great educational content.
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Enjoy. Look, some nights you're hyped
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up and you're ready to plan a whole elaborate fantasy, but
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other nights you just kind of want to have something simple
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that still feels hot, connected, but real.
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And it's not about having fancy, expensive equipment, it's about
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the energy you bring. So today I'm sharing 5 fun scene
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ideas you can try and seriously idea #3 that I'm going to share.
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It's the simplest thing ever, but it completely changed how my
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Dom and I connect. So I'll tell you about it in a
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SEC. But grab a notebook or just keep
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some mental notes and I'd love to know which idea are you going
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to steal tonight. So definitely let me know
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afterwards. So scene idea number one is the
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voice only command scene. So this is where there is no
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touching, no really looking at each other, just obedience
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really. So it's just the Dom's voice
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guiding the sub, teasing them, controlling them.
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So how would that completely change the energy between you
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and your partner? So this scene is about pure
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anticipation, release, because instead of overwhelming the
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senses, you just kind of strip everything away except the sound
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of command. And it forces a different kind
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of surrender, almost a deeper kind, because you can't rely on
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touch, You can't rely on looks or even just little gestures.
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You have to just literally listen and obey.
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So you can keep this super simple where maybe you're just
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sitting across from each other just a few feet away, but still
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no touching, just only listening.
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Or you can go even bigger where the submissive maybe starts off
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on their knees with their eyes cast down and the Dom just kind
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of sits back in a chair even and just instructs from there, never
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really having to lift a finger. Or you can be on two different
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ends of the room together and it just makes it so every word that
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the Dom says is even heavier, but that having that distance
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between you can just make the impact so much more stronger.
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But this is a great way for doms who are maybe new to the scene
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and don't really know how to wield something like a flogger
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and they can just start off with commands.
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So I like to actually think of this one as kind of like a kinky
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Simon Says. So some things the the Dom can
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tell their sub is to hold a position until they say
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otherwise, telling them to look down and that they're not
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allowed to make eye contact with the Dom.
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They can say something like describe how much you love me
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touching you, but you're not allowed to move a single muscle
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or tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.
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And maybe if you beg hard enough, I'll actually consider
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it. So during this kinky Simon Says
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there's so many different directions you can take with
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this, but the the reason this type of scene is so powerful is
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because it's not just for in person play either.
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It's amazing for long distance dynamics too.
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My Dom actually had to work for a while in the Bay Area.
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We live in LA now but during the week where we were apart and so
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this is one way we were still able to have scenes with either
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doing it over phone or even Zoom.
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He was able to instruct me to tell me to kneel.
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There was no touching obviously, but I wasn't even speaking
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really, I was just listening to his every word.
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So he would tell me to hold different positions or to touch
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myself in a certain way. But the crazy thing was that
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even though we weren't together physically, there was just this
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strong connection and every single second that maybe I held
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a position or something like that, it just felt like 1000
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times longer than if we were in in person together doing these
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things. So it just really shows the
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pleasure that can come from just waiting and the anticipation and
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not being able to touch each other.
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So if you're not physically together because of maybe
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distance or work, don't even worry about it.
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You can do this type of scene over a voice message, a phone
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call, or even through texting even.
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So you can send each other voice notes.
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You can say things like, you know, strip down for me and wait
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for my next command, or stand in front of the mirror and imagine
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my hands on your body. Because seriously, the brain
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kind of fills in what the hands can't reach.
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There's a lot of power in imagination.
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You definitely don't need to be in the same room to make it hot.
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You just need the right words. So if you're a sub, could you
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handle hearing your Dom's voice like that?
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Just having that temptation kind of weaving through every word
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and having to stay completely perfectly still and and not move
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until you're given permission? Or would you break?
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Sometimes that's the fun of it too.
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And if you think this kind of scene is intense, just wait
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until you hear what's coming up next.
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So my second scene idea that you can try tonight is sensory
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deprivation. So imagine being blindfolded and
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just every single touch, even the air on your skin just feels
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so much more intense because you can't see what's coming.
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You can't predict the next touch.
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You're just totally wide open, but in the most delicious way.
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But sensory deprivation, it isn't just about taking
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something away. That's how a lot of people think
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about it, but it's really actually about making everything
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else more intense and louder. So touch, sound, scent, even the
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feeling of breath against your skin, all of it just becomes
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more magnified when you can really just you can't rely on
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your your site to process what's happening.
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You have to rely on your other senses, and the best part about
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this is you don't need any fancy expensive gear.
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You can grab just a scarf and tie that around your head.
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You can use a sleep mask even or even just close your eyes,
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having the Dom instruct the submissive to keep their eyes
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closed and agree to not open them until they're told.
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It's really just the simplicity that makes this so powerful.
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So you could start off really soft and easy, like I said, with
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a blindfold with your partner and then tease them with
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something like a a feather or a piece of fabric and or even a
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Wartenberg wheel if you do have that tool.
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But just barely brushing their skin and and just watching them
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shiver and get goosebumps is just the coolest thing.
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Or you could go colder even. Literally you can drag an ice
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cube slowly down their neck, across their ribs, especially if
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they're ticklish, down the inside of their thigh, and they
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will just not know what's coming next or when.
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And if you really want to turn out the tension, the Dom can
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whisper commands into the sub's ear while they're being
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blindfold and using either something like the Wharton Berg
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wheel or an ice cube. So the Dom can maybe describe
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every sensation before it actually happens.
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And this kind of lets the submissives mind kind of spin
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the story before their body even experiences it.
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But one of the main reasons for me why I love having a blindfold
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on so much is because I actually deal with a lot of body
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insecurity. I'm really, really anxious in my
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own skin a lot of the times. I have a lot of traumas and
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things like that. So I have a hard time staying
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out of my head. And so when my Dom has me wear a
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blindfold, I don't have to see my body and nitpick all the
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things I don't like about it. It just allows me to feel and
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stay in the moment and I'm not worrying.
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Does he like this? How do I look?
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I don't like this. I wish this was different about
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me and so that way he can just enjoy my body and like he always
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tells me my body is for him to enjoy and I don't even have to
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like it. So I just love having the
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blindfold because it's just helped me to enjoy the scenes so
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much more deeply because I'm not worrying in the back of my mind,
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what do I look like or I wish I looked different.
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So if you do want to take away site in your next scene, think
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about some new ways you could explore touch.
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notes. So whether that is with the
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Wartenberg wheel or an ice cube, but also think about what ways
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you could explore even sound or smell or taste.
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Even so, there's so many different ways you can explore
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sensory deprivation and adding back in the intensity of the
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other senses. And if you want to make this
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type of scene even spicier, you can try something like earplugs
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too, because when both sight and sound are gone, you're creating
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a total sensory drop. So your partner or or you will
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just feel everything like 10 times more intensely because the
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the brain doesn't know where to focus.
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So it just kind of shrinks everything down and you're
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really just focusing on whatever sense you are focusing on in the
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moment. And now let's move on to idea #3
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and this is honestly the sneakiest one because you can
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weave it right into everyday life and no one around you would
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even know it's happening. You could be creating a full
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BDSM scene without anyone suspecting a thing.
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So scene idea #3 is the service task ritual.
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Because sometimes the most powerful BDSM, some scenes, they
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aren't about pain or impact, and they're not even really about
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physical pleasure either. They're about service and
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devotion and creating a quiet moment where the submissive is
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serving the Dom and the Dom is taking care of their sub.
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So this is about one partner giving and the other receiving.
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And it's a way to say, I see you, I honor you, I appreciate
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you. So this kind of servicing can be
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just as intense and honestly just as erotic as anything that
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happens in the dungeon. Service rituals are some of my
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favorite type of scenes to do because they are just so
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beautiful. Because they turn these ordinary
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moments into extraordinary acts of submission or dominance.
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They really create layers in your dynamic, these just little
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tiny gestures that carry enormous weight even when no one
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else would even notice. So you can start completely
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small. So make your partner their
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favorite drink, but don't just hand it to him.
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So present it. You can even kneel if you're at
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home and no one's around. Just, you know, using both your
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hands, lowering your eyes and just offering it up almost like
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it's a treasure to your partner. One super common way to do this
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in the kink scene is maybe where the submissive shines the shoes
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of the Dom and they just kind of do it, you know, really
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perfectly and purposefully where they're polishing, buffing and
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maybe presenting them neatly by the door and just, you know,
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with every swipe of the cloth, they're just thinking about
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their service to their dominant. So in the lifestyle, we call
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that type of scene boot blacking.
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It can also involve bootlicking, but it can be a lot of fun for
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people that want to explore that.
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And then Speaking of shoes, you can even move on to feet and you
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can do a whole foot scene even where you you give your partner
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a foot massage and just really worship every inch of their
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feet. Or you can keep it even simpler
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where the submissive presents themselves instead.
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So this is where they kind of maybe kneel in their favorite
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position with their palms open and just kind of waiting, giving
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themselves as a living offering. Or the the Dom can even inspect
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them to like their their property.
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So you can really go simple with this or elaborate even more.
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Speaking of using a submissive body, Doms can also use their
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submissives as furniture, even as a a footstool or using them
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to, you know, hold their favorite drink, hold the book
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for them, even using them as a chair.
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So you can take these kind of service protocols and just turn
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them into a whole scene. But my Dom and I like to do
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these types of scenes around dinner.
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That just makes it really easy. If the kids are out of the house
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or they're at a friend's house, I will just go into full time
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servant mode for my Dom. He'll even a lot of times have
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me strip completely down. He'll have me take off all of my
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clothes and I will just serve him his favorite drink.
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I'll serve him a the meal and I will wait for him to eat before
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I eat. A lot of times I won't even eat
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on the floor beside him. And then when we're done eating,
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I take the plates, I, I clear the cups and everything.
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And then I am just in this, you know, service mode for the rest
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of the night. And this is just a neat way to
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have a a scene that's not a typical scene that you would
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have maybe at a dungeon or in your bedroom.
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Because how would it feel to you if you could turn a small
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everyday act like something like having dinner, and you can turn
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it into a sacred moment of devotion and power.
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But if you want to take something like this even deeper,
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you can layer in other rituals. So maybe you kneel every time
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you offer something. Maybe you add an honorific.
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Like I do this when I make my Dom's coffee in the morning when
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I present it to him, you know, I tell them, here's your coffee,
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Sir. You could create a little bow or
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a phrase that you use during access service.
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Something that feels secret just between the two of you that
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maybe you can even do when other people are around.
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You can even create a a service only playlist.
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It can be like soft background music you do every time you
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perform these different acts of devotion.
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So it's kind of like the Pavlov's dog thing where every
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time you hear it, then you get into that, that service
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headspace and it really just takes you back there.
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Another way, you can have a, a type of servicing, if you're
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doing this at bedtime, maybe you have a busy schedule and you
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have to work the next day. But the, the sub can set up
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everything that the Dom needs for bed, their clothes, their,
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their toiletries. The sub could set up the bed and
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just kneel and wait and not get in bed until they're given
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permission. So those are some of my favorite
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ways to incorporate service into AC.
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But if you're craving something a little less solemn and a lot
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more mischievous, idea #4 that I have is going to be some playful
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trouble for you. Because honestly, it's one of
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the most fun ways to brat while still keeping the dynamic really
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deeply connected. So scene idea #4 is punishment
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games or punishments. So if you have a lot of brat
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energy or you want to explore playful discipline, this is for
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you. Because sometimes you don't need
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a heavy, serious punishment scene to really feel connected
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or to even feel like you're doing BDSM.
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You just need a little bit of mischief, a little bit of
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teasing, and a lot of delicious consequences.
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Punishment games are the perfect way to weave playfulness into
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your dynamic without losing that sense of structure, dominance,
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or submission in a typical BDSM scene.
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So setting this up is actually super easy and honestly half the
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fun is coming up with the rules together.
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So here's how you can do it. You can write down a bunch of
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playful infractions on a piece of paper.
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So things like talking back, rolling your eyes.
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I mean I do that a lot with my Dom forgetting to.
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To say an honorific so forgetting to call your partner
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Sir or daddy or mommy. Something like that.
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Then you would write out matching punishments and these
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would be fun ones so not nothing super harsh.
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And then you would just pull a random piece of paper whenever
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the sub breaks A roll. Or you can make it more
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structured and roll a dice to decide what the punishment
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severity would be. And this turns every little
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bratty moment into an opportunity for connection and a
20:41
little chaos. Hey, I have a secret I'm finally
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check out my Friday Vibe series on Instagram and Sub Stack.
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And while you're here, check the show notes for my most recent
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review. Keep on kinking on.
21:14
So some ideas to get you started.
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So you can do something like 5 spankings for bratty behavior, 2
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minutes of kneeling in the corner if a submissive forgets a
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roll, having to write lines with a crayon, speaking only in yes
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Sir or yes ma'am for you know 10 minutes.
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You can set a timer and and no matter what is asked of the sub
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they have to respond that way. But you can keep this as super
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light and playful and spicy as you want, or you can go even
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more hardcore. But whatever fits your energy
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that night. And one time when the kids were
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gone with my mom for the whole day, my my Dom decided to
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implement a a no whining role for the whole day.
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Because sometimes when I'm getting a little little or
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bratty, I tend to whine a lot. So he made this rule that I
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couldn't whine for the whole day.
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And every time I whined, you know, about something small,
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sometimes I get frustrated because I can't open a jar and I
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I whine or something, or having to do chores.
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So anytime I whined, I lost a piece of clothing.
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And let's just say this game didn't last very long.
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I think we made it a couple hours and I was basically in
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nothing but my socks because honestly, I I like to whine a
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lot. But those are the play sessions
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that you will remember forever. Me and him still talk about it.
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I'm talking about it right now with you.
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We remember these things not because they were perfectly
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planned. We weren't at this elaborate
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dungeon with all these floggers and paddles, but it was just us
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being playful and incorporating kink.
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But if you really want to level this type of scene up, you can
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even create a a punishment book and every time the sub breaks
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the rule it gets written down. You put the date, the
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infraction, what punishment was assigned, and you can build up
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longer term consequences if you want to.
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So maybe you know 5 infractions in a week earns a bigger
23:30
punishment. Or maybe you just, it gives you
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a, a fun way to record all the times that the the sub was
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misbehaving. But we kind of do this.
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We've done a calendar before where you know, if I my Dom is
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trying to train me with something, if I have a good day,
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maybe I get a sticker or if not, I get a big X on the calendar
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and then I would either get a reward or a punishment.
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And it's just something to keep it light and fun.
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But if you're craving something a little more emotionally
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intense, my 5th idea is going to give you exactly what you want.
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And it's all about trust and surrender and feeling completely
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held. So scene idea #5 will actually
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wait after scene idea #5 because I have a bonus one too.
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But scene idea #5 is central restraint and praise.
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So if you're going to explore this, tonight might be the night
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to just be completely held, not just in your body, but in your
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your heart and your soul too. So sometimes the deepest
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surrender doesn't come from pain or impact.
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It comes from feeling totally safe from being wrapped up,
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being restrained, being claimed, and even being adored and
25:01
worshipped all at once. And you don't need a lot
25:05
elaborate rigging or intense gear to really create this
25:08
feeling. You could simply just tie your
25:12
partner's hands above their heads with maybe a a necktie or
25:16
a soft scarf and just, you know, making their body feel really
25:21
open and exposed and vulnerable at this, you know, same time as
25:25
feeling safe and cherish still. Or you can even take this as
25:30
subtle as you want. You don't even using your own
25:34
hands to restrain your partner, you know, holding them down and
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keeping them still. Maybe just using your body
25:42
weight to weigh them down and just whispering words in their
25:45
ear. Or if you want to build a longer
25:48
scene around this, you can create a simple rope harness
25:53
that really just focuses on containment.
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So something around the chest or around the hips.
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So nothing, you know, painful, just being snug and grounded and
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just having that pressure that says, you know, you belong to me
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and you're, you're safe here. So kind of think about how we
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swaddle babies. So it, it's the same concept.
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And then you can start layering praise into this because, you
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know, imagine this, you're completely restrained.
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You're completely open. And instead of teasing or
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hurting you and causing you pain, you just hear this soft,
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steady voice in your, your ear telling you, you know, you're
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mine, you, you're perfect like this.
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You're, you're safe, you're, you're loved.
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I appreciate you. Because when, when you're
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restrained, words have more weight, Every praise just sinks
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deeper. You're more receptive to hearing
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it. Every reassurance just lands
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harder because you have nowhere to, to run.
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So you just have this deeper trust that you experience and I
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actually experienced this recently there.
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There was a a night that I had last week.
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It was just after a really tough and rough week.
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I had just done the doms of Dynamics Virtual Summit and it
27:20
was a lot of work. It was so worth it.
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We had so much fun. But at the end of it, I was just
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feeling so exhausted and drained and in raw and I was just kind
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of losing myself. And my Dom picked up on it.
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And before we started our scene, he just asked me one simple
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question. He asked me, you know, for our
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scene tonight, how do you want to feel?
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And I told him I wanted to feel safe.
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I wanted to feel seen and held and cherished.
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You know, I'm a huge masochist. I've shared that before with
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you. And but in this moment, that
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wasn't what I was needing or wanting.
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So he took the time to really restrain me gently.
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Nothing intense, just enough to really keep me still.
28:14
And then he spent what felt like forever just running his hands
28:19
over my skin. No pain, no force, just touch.
28:24
He did end up using the flogger on me, but just really using it
28:29
super light, just using the tails to just really caress over
28:33
my body. You know, he would lean over me
28:36
and, and whisper in my ear just over and over how proud he was
28:39
of me, how much he loved me, how much he valued their trust I was
28:44
giving him in that moment during the scene.
28:47
And at the end of it, I, I cried, but I didn't, you know,
28:53
cry from the pain like I maybe normally would have during the
28:56
scene. But I, I cried from the relief
28:59
from finally feeling safe enough to really just completely let
29:03
go. So my question to you is, when
29:06
was the last time you felt completely safe, completely
29:11
seen? Or if you're the Dom, when was
29:15
the last time you created a space like that for someone, you
29:20
know, seeing someone not for what you know they can do, but
29:23
just simply for who they are. But if you want to deepen this
29:28
type of scene even more, you can do things like adding soft
29:32
background music, something slow and ambient and calming.
29:37
You can, you know, put in that, you know, touch, you know, when
29:40
you're restrained fingertips, feathers, or you know, the tail
29:45
ends of the flogger like my Dom did.
29:47
And that way you're you're building the body's sensitivity
29:52
while the mind still sinks deeper into surrender.
29:56
It's all about building layers of feeling.
30:00
So things like security, anticipation, pleasure, and if
30:04
that kind of deep, intense surrender speaks to you, you're
30:08
going to love the bonus idea I have that I'm going to share
30:11
with you right now because it is one of my favorite quick scene
30:15
ideas to create instant intensity, even if you don't
30:18
have a lot of time tonight. So if you made it this far,
30:22
here's your bonus scene idea. So this is the five minute scene
30:28
challenge. So it's where a scene will have
30:31
a clear beginning, middle and end.
30:34
You just go big or go home. It can be playful or sweet
30:39
however you want it, but the point is you just do it.
30:42
So some examples are a 5 minute impact scene, a 5 minute
30:46
servicing, a 5 minute restraint and praise scene.
30:49
But the point is you just do this scene for 5 minutes because
30:54
one of my favorite quick scenes we had was only 5 minutes.
30:58
The kids were going to come home from a friend's house just
31:01
around the corner. So we literally only had five
31:04
minutes. So my Dom actually set a timer
31:07
and he just, you know, told me for these next 5 minutes, you're
31:11
mine. And he pinned me against the
31:13
wall. He told me what to do.
31:16
You know, we, we did our, our quick scene and the timer went
31:21
off and I was still in the heat of it and it just ended so
31:26
abruptly. I was just so on edge.
31:28
But he was like, OK, that's enough and just kind of patting
31:33
me on the butt and let me go. But it just always still plays
31:37
in my mind as one of my favorite scenes.
31:39
So that is something you can do where you just set a timer and
31:43
you just go and you have fun. So today you've got 5 + 1 ways
31:49
to make your BDSM scenes hotter, easier, and way more connected
31:54
without needing hours of planning.
31:57
I'm so excited for you. Now, of course, if you want the
32:01
worksheets for putting all of these scenes together, go ahead
32:04
and log into ourscenecreationmasterycourse@domsofliving.com/community.
32:11
If you're not a member of that course yet, in the description
32:14
for this episode, I'm going to put a link to join.
32:17
It's only $9 at the time of this recording.
32:20
And the best part is when you log into domsofliving.com slash
32:24
community after purchasing, you can go to the course.
32:27
We have a whole training on how to troubleshoot a scene even,
32:31
and a whole Q&A session with questions about real life
32:35
scenes. Again, it's only $9 right now
32:38
and how I'll have a link for it in the description too.
32:41
But tell me in the comments, which of the five scenes are you
32:45
stealing 1st? And if you want more step by
32:48
step scene guides and kinky ideas, subscribe to this podcast
32:52
and check out the link to that course first below.
32:56
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
32:59
a review, and share it with anyone who might find it
33:01
interesting. And if you have any questions or
33:03
topics you'd like me to cover in future episodes, feel free to
33:06
reach out e-mail info@thekingconsultant.com.
33:10
Until next time, keep on Kinkin on.