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Mojo Mondays: Becoming Mentally Fit Part 4 - Strengthening Mental Fitness through Meaningful Relationships · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Today we are talking about the fourth pillar of mental fitness,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and that is all about connection. One of the most
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: powerful things we can do for our mental health is
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: also one of the most natural, and that is just
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: simply bang with another human being. And yet we seem
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: to be doing less and less of this. Loneliness isn't
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: an all time high. We aren't connecting in meaningful ways,
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  Speaker 1: at least not often enough. We're living in a time
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: where connection often means followers and likes or belonging to
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: a social media tribe, and this is confusing us with
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: the real thing. We're working harder. We're striving for success, money, recognition, influence,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: but in prioritizing those things, we're sometimes forgetting what actually
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: sustains us, and that is people, not digital versions of people,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: but real, embodied, honest relationships. And we need these relationships.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: We need these connections to survive. And that's a big
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: part of why so many people feel disconnected right now,
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  Speaker 1: even while we're constantly digitally connected, because too often the
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: screen that we're staring at has become more important than
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: the person in front of us. And I think we're
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: all guilty of that. But the good news is there
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  Speaker 1: seems to be a bit of a shift happening. More
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: people are waking up to the fact that strong relationships
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: are imperative to their lives, and they are a foundation
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: or one of the foundations to mental fitness, and we
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: can choose, we can choose to lean into them. So
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I grew up in the seventies and eighties, and I
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: remember my mum would go on a Saturday morning and
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: she'd gone knock on the door of her friends' houses unannounced.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: As far as I know, it was unannounced, and she'd
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: just rock up for a coffee, and I'd go with
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  Speaker 1: her and we'd be welcomed in like family. Now. I
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: don't know if many of you have your friends just
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: knock on the door randomly to see if you're around
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: for a coffee, but I know somebody did that. Now
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  Speaker 1: I would probably think it was a bit strange, but
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  Speaker 1: that's what was normal back then. And the other one
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  Speaker 1: I was thinking of is my brother would every practically
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: every time he came home from school, he would then
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: be out the door and he'd be meeting the neighborhood boys.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: They'd jump on their bikes and they'd disappear for hours.
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  Speaker 1: And that we would walk to the local milk bar
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  Speaker 1: and we'd chat to the owners and we'd spend twenty
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  Speaker 1: cents on mixed lollies and they waited patiently for us
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  Speaker 1: to decide which ones we were going to choose. And
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: if you're the same as man you grew up in
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  Speaker 1: that ear, you would know what I'm talking about. There
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: were a lot of these micro connections, so they weren't
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: big moments, but they were moments of connection, and whether
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: we knew it or not at the time, they really mattered. Well,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: we seem to be losing that. And it's not just
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: about family and friends. I think it's about community. So
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: this morning I went to the local market and I
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: decided intentionally to create a few meaningful micro connections. So
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I made a conscious decision as to how I was
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: going to show up at the markets. I was on
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  Speaker 1: my own, so I started with chatting to the man
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  Speaker 1: who was collecting the gold coins for who was raising
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: money for Rotary, and we just chatted for just even
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: like it was ten seconds. If that just about the weather,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: and I could have just thrown in the coin and
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: kept walking, but we had just chitchat about how good
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: the weather was and the fact that he had the
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  Speaker 1: prime position sitting in the sun. And then I asked
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: the guy selling the sourdough bread that we always get,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: and I will take this opportunity to give a shout
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: out to Flinda's sourdough because if you're ever in Flinder's,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: you've got to go there on the morning to Peninsula.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: It's the best sourdough bread. But I knew that he
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: had a newborn, so I was asking how his baby was.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: And then I smiled and I said hello to a
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  Speaker 1: few people just I was walking by. And these micro connections,
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  Speaker 1: they really matter. They have a physiological effect. So we
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  Speaker 1: release oxytocin and dopamine and serotonin and it literally boosts
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  Speaker 1: our mood and regulates our stress. And so it's a
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  Speaker 1: win win for everyone involved. But to create those we
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: need to do something simple, but something that seems to
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: be really hard at the moment, and that is to
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: put our phones away. And we need to encourage our
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: kids to put their phones away. I often see kids
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: walking or at the bus stop with their heads downstairs
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: at their mobile phones. And I even say, I've even
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: seen a boy around this neighborhood who walks his dogs
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: staring at his phone. And this isn't a criticism. I
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: don't know what their situation is, but it's just a
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  Speaker 1: general example of what could be a missed opportunity for
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  Speaker 1: them if they put their phones away and just looked
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  Speaker 1: up a moment to connect, connect with others, connect with
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  Speaker 1: the world around them. So I'm going to suggest a
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  Speaker 1: journaling exercise to reflect on your daily connections. And this
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: is based on a Japanese reflection exercise called n I Can.
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  Speaker 1: It does have three questions, but for now, I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to suggest that you just ask two of these three questions,
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  Speaker 1: and if you do decide to do this, you'll be
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  Speaker 1: able to notice as you go about your day the
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  Speaker 1: small and big, meaningful connections that you make. So the
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  Speaker 1: questions are the first one is what did I receive
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  Speaker 1: from others? And the question is what did I give
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: to others? So don't just focus on your inner circle here.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: So like your inner circle stuff could be like your
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: husband made a cup of tea for you, or your
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  Speaker 1: children gave you a hug, but also focus on the
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  Speaker 1: wider community. So for example, you may have received a
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: warm hello from the person who took your coffee order,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: or someone may have let you in the queue before them,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: or maybe somebody just simply smiled at you, and then
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  Speaker 1: the question what did I give? Maybe you put down
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: your device when your child started talking to you about
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  Speaker 1: something that they considered really important and you gave them
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  Speaker 1: your full attention. Or maybe you were playful with your
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: partner and you made them smile. Or maybe you smiled
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: at a stranger or told your barista that they make
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  Speaker 1: the best coffee in town. It doesn't matter how big
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  Speaker 1: or small. You just write down these little micro connections
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  Speaker 1: of what you gave someone else. So it's a really
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  Speaker 1: good way to reflect on how much you connect with
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  Speaker 1: others during the day and how it made you feel
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  Speaker 1: Meaningful connections make us feel good, and knowing that it
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  Speaker 1: also makes other people feel good makes it even more meaningful.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: So that's it for this week. Let's ramp up our
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  Speaker 1: meaningful connections and encourage our kids to do the same.
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  Speaker 1: And I hope you all have a great week and
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  Speaker 1: I'll catch you next week. Sia