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El Capitan and Corporal, by Norman Corwin · Lawrence University: Theatre of the Air

• 0:00
  We celebrate the work of old-time radio's most proliMc and poetic writers, Norman Corwin. This is your host, producer and director Timothy Troy.
• 0:57
  Hurry up. You're going to be late. Hurry up. We need to walk faster or we're going to miss the train. Hurry up. Well, I had seat number 18 on this train, the El Capitan. And the way I figured it, it wasn't quite right for two people to have the same seat on the same train. So, I said to the man who was sitting in it when I got there, You sure you got the right seat, sir?
• 1:42
  Well, so does mine, say 18. Guess the thing to do is to take it up with the conductor. So, we took it up with the conductor and got it straightened out. Seems he had seat number 18 in the next car. I got settled in my seat, and there was a little time before the train started. I was wondering who was going to sit next to me. You see, in all the times I'd been riding on trains, I never had a pretty girl sit next to me. And this time was no exception, because a girl came along and must have weighed 300 pounds. And she plunked down beside me, and the poor gal was huffing and panting, because she thought she was going to miss the train.
• 2:17
  I'm not built for this kind of thing, as you can see. What'd you do? Run up the ramp? All the way from the street. Guess I couldn't have been looking where I was going. I went up the wrong track and found myself on a train for San Diego. Isn't that a silly thing to do? Well, I don't know. It's easy to make a mistake. That ever happened to you? Nope. Can't say it has. Look at this handkerchief. Ringing wet. But I won't catch my breath until I get to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara? This train doesn't go to Santa Barbara. You mean this isn't the beaver for San Francisco? Heck no. This is the Al Capitan going to Chicago.
• 3:00
  Sure thing. Oh, come on! I went to help the poor gal off the train,
• 3:08
  But before I went up the steps, I bumped smack into a girl. Ooh! Oh! We collided so hard, she dropped her suitcase and almost fell over it. Will you please watch where you're going? I beg your pardon. She gave me a look that would wither your left arm,and I said to her, I'm just trying to help this lady off the train. But she didn't answer, and went by with her nose in the air.But what's the use of arguing with the dame in a situation like that? So, I tumbled off the train with the gal's suitcase, and helped her on her way. Well, I got back on the car, and who's sitting in my seat by the window, but the same girl that bumped into me?
• 3:43
  You must be mistaken. This ticket says seat 18. But mine is 18 window. Yours is 18 aisle. In that case, I'll move. If you don't mind, I'd just like to sit in my own seat, that's all. Very well. Excuse it. I moved and sat next to the window, and then the train started.
• 4:06
  and it went right past me with no local stops. After a while, I must have gotten interested in the pictures in her magazine and started looking at them over her shoulder, because suddenly, it struck me that this girl had a very interesting profile, to say the least.I was in the middle of admiring it when...
• 4:30
  Well, what? What are you looking at? Your nose. Oh, does it meet with your approval? Sure does. I'm so relieved. After that, I kept pretty much myself until we left Sanbrudu, and it started to climb through Cajun Pass. Then, I volunteered to point out some of the features of interest. I didn't know too much about the country, but I made off like I was an authority, and I named a couple of mountain peaks that have been anonymous since the Mojovi Indians were running the place. She paid no attention to me at all until I said to her, That one there is called Mount Glickstein.
• 4:59
  It is? Well, maybe you're right. It does seem unlikely they'd be naming a mountain after my commanding officer. You know, you're the least smart Alec I've ever had to... The name's Cal, not Alec. Short for Calo, I presume. Short for what? Let it go. I tried not to let it go, but she buried herself in the book,and we were past Victorville before she spoke to me again. I finally said, Look, I'm sorry if I was rude. After all, I didn't intend to go bump into you in the aisle. I was helping that big girl get off the train.Poor girl.
• 5:30
  First, she got on the train head for... I'm not interested. If you don't want to accept an apology, why then? 05:36 --> 05:36 After all, if we're going to be sitting next to each other for a couple of days, I... She simply stared at her book and ignored me, and I shut up. She probably never would have spoken to meof her own accord
• 5:45
  Seems she wanted something in her suitcase, so she got up and reached for it on the rack. Excuse me. Can I help you there? No, thank you. I can manage. Well, she didn't manage so good, because the train gave a little lurch and down with the bag on my noggin. Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry. Are you hurt? Actually, the bump didn't hurt much at all because the grip wasn't heavy. Yet, it made such a loud noise when it dropped on my head, she must have thought I was killed. I played it for sympathy, naturally.
• 6:13
  Here, let me... I'm... I'm okay. I'm all right. I'm so sorry. Really, I am. What's the matter? Is it bleeding? No.
• 6:24
  Why? Do you think you've... Does it feel...Can I do anything for you? No. No.I'm all right. Well, she was so scared about the idea of having refractured my skull, which had never been fractured in the first place, and so regretful about the way she treated me that she just took right over. The first thing I knew, she was massaging my scalp. Does that feel better now? Much better. You have a healing touch. I'm sorry if I seemed mean,but you must admit you were pretty fresh. But I apologized, didn't I? Yes, and I should have accepted your apology. Okay, then. Are we friends? Yes, we're friends. The train stopped for a few minutes at Barstow, and we got off and walked around in the hot desert sun. It didn't take us long to get acquainted as to who we were and where we were going.
• 7:12
  Chicago to bring my brother back from the Marine Hospital in Markleton, Pennsylvania. What's he doing there? He was badly wounded in the Merchant Marine. He got torpedoed twice, and the second time he lost an arm and his spine was broken. I'm sorry to hear it. He may never be able to walk again. He's done a lot of fighting for a boy his age. Before he was in the Merchant Marine, he fought in Spain.
• 7:37
  He was with the American Volunteers. So this is really a second war, huh? No, it's all one war, wouldn't you say? Well, this one really began in 1939, and the other... Surely by now you know better than that. Well, I didn't follow the Spanish War very much. Well, I did. Not only because Sandy was in it up to his neck, but I guess because my own heart was in it too. Board! All aboard! That's us. Yes, let's get aboard. This way, Betty.
• 8:00
  That's a Union Pacifc train. Oh, if I don't watch it, I'll be doing just what that fat girl did. Don't know what came over me.I'm usually not this absent-minded. Maybe it was the blow on your head. We returned to the train and continued our talk, and Betty asked a lot of questions about me. Are you on a furlough? No, I'm just returning from one. What happens when you get to New York? Then I go to a port of embarkation. Oh.
• 8:21
  No. Got a girl? Well, nobody I'm really in love with. How about you? Oh, just about the same as you, I suppose. Yeah? There's a boy at home who wants me to marry him, but I'm afraid we'd never get along. Why? Well, we don't agree much about the world. About the world? Yes. You see, to my way of thinking... All right, folks. Would you like to get in and a little game of P-Knuckle? No, thank you. No thanks. Okie dokie. What'd you mean? You and your friend didn't agree about the world. Well, the way I see it, there are two main, um, let's say, points of view about being alive on this earth. Now, you're either an active human being with all that implies, or else...
• 8:59
  What does that imply? Well, it implies a certain amount of responsibility. It implies the idea of giving to as well as receiving from your country. Hello. Well, hello. What's your name? Oscar Fiddlefuddle. What's yours? Mary Lou Slezak. Well, hello, Mary Lou. How are you? I'm fine, thank you. How are you? Splendid. What's your name? That's where we came in. Where's your mother, Mary Lou? Where do you live? 14, Walnut Street, Ventura, California. You better go to your mother now, or you'll get lost. Goodbye, Mary Lou. Bye-bye.
• 9:36
  Well, for want of a better word, I'd say vegetables. Vegetables? How do you mean? I mean just people who vegetate. They're planted and they grow, and you know just what to expect from them. And if their father was a head of lettuce, that's good enough for them, so they're a head of lettuce. Well now, what kind of person exactly do you mean? Well look, I'll give you an example.Let's take the most privilege of citizenship in a democracy. Yes. What is it, do you know? Uh, well, uh, I suppose it's free press, and freedom of religion, and the other... no. That's not what I mean. Well, what is it? The Most privilege of a citizen in a country like ours is the right to vote. Ah, well of course. Well, I call a voter who doesn't vote. As far as I'm concerned, he qualifes as a vegetable. A vegetable? Yes, he's vegetating. Voting is the least thing you could expect him to do. I mean, the least he could do is take a slight interest in his country.
• 10:31
  then you look around at the person who stays at home on election day, and you say, there goes a cabbage. Because after all the... Left without his wallet. I don't know there would like that. What's all the jollity about? Looks to me like a wandering minstrel show. Just some soldiers and sailors on the way to the smoker, I guess. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Listen to this one. Listen.
• 11:00
  Well, where were we? I was talking about voting. You see, to me, that's only one way of expressing what I call a basic interest in being alive. You can be interested or disinterested in the kind of education your children are going to get, or in the wages you'll be making after the war, or in the kind of highway the town is going to build, or in a struggle for democracy, whether it's in Spain or in your own backyard. Now the trouble with... What are you looking at? Your eyes. You have very beautiful eyes. And you haven't been listening to what I've been saying. Yeah, sure. But nothing you've said so far alters the fact that you have very beautiful eyes.
• 12:03
  Betty, where are you going? Betty, Betty! People turned around and looked at me, and I felt sort of foolish. So I stayed in my seat for a while, pretending to read. Then, after a few minutes, I got up to look for Betty in the club car. She wasn't there, and I went through the train twice looking for her, and I couldn't find her, so I guess she must have gone to the ladies' lounge. We got to Needles, and still no Betty. So, when the train stopped, I got out hoping to found her on the platform, and sure enough, there she was at a newsstand, buying a paper.
• 12:31
  Well, here I am. I'm the girl with the beautiful eyes. Cut it out, Betty, will ya? You want a paper? I have one, thank you. I don't suppose you ever read such things. No, never. Afraid you might find out what's going on in the world? Listen, Betty. Other people can read the news, but guys like your brother and I, we're the ones who have to go out there and make it. Look, I'm not a vegetable, Betty. Honest, I'm not. And don't get mad at me. Here I am on my way to a POE, and you're going back to California with your brother.I know you think you're being just a little- All right, Cal. And that's all she said. She said, All right, Cal. And she smiled and took my arm and went back on the train.We got hungry around Kingman, Arizona, and went into the diner and had a 90-cent meal, which she insisted should be Dutch.
• 13:16
  Then we returned to our car.As we opened the door of the vestibule, We found there was a sort of concert going on. One of the passengers had unmatched the guitar, and there was a whole cluster of people around him singing in silenceas the El Capitan is tricked along in the night. After a while, we returned to our seats and listened from there. Most of the lights in the car were low now, and Betty's eyes had a dark glow that made them seem more beautiful than ever. What are you thinking? Hmm? Oh, I was just thinking there's a place in the world for this, too. What do you mean? For what, too? For love, and songs about love, and for singing. I'd hate to think what the world would be without it. Well, that's not hard to imagine. Hmm? What do you mean?
• 14:17
  Why love in Germany is under control of the Nazi party. And they tell people who shall breed and who shall be sterile. I don't think it's hardly possible for a fascist to be really in love. You know that? I mean, not if he's been brought up to believe a woman belongs in a kitchen in the nursery. Isn't that what the Japs and Nazis think? Yes, it is. Betty put her head on my shoulder. And after a while, she went to sleep.I took one of her hands in mine, and I guess that was alright with her, because when I moved her hand, she opened one eye sleepily, and a corner of her lips smiled at me. And she went back to sleep.
• 14:48
  After a while, I dozed off myself, with a guitar on the wheel still singing in my ears. When I woke up, the train was going through Wagonlon, New Mexico. Betty had already eaten her breakfast and was in her chair reading Strange Fruit. Oh, are you awake? Oh, good morning. Good morning. What time is it? Time for you to be up and about. I've already had my breakfast. What a woman. Do you always get up so early and look so pretty in the morning? Daily, except Sunday. You're wonderful. Excuse me while I scrape off my beard. You're excused. For a day that started off so good, I suffered a great many annoyances.
• 15:40
  What's your name? I told you yesterday. Fiddle Fuddle. Why? And then, a girl going through the diner spotted Betty,and it turned out that they were classmates from college. Miriam, I'd like you to meet Corporal Hollister. Miriam Mazelich. How do you do, Miss Mazelich? How do you do?
• 16:02
  And believe me, there's nothing more boring than for a neutral party to hear about Bud Phillips, who's in the South Pacifc, and Bob Lee, who's just written a book on television, and Gazalia Conkright, who married a furniture salesman from far Rockaway. Yes, and she's expecting... No! Yes! And Miss Mazelich, of course, came along to lunch.
• 16:23
  Dinner was even worse. Majelich was along.Not only that, but two good-looking marines went on the make for Betty, and I had all I could do to keep from taking a hand in the situation. But, I curbed myself, Mguring what right would I have to interfere. She's not my girl, after all.
• 17:07
  I just met her yesterday. So, I took the whole thing philosophically. What's the matter, Cal? Oh, nothing. You seem so glum all of a sudden. No, nothing, really. You sure? I said I was sure, just to end the line of inquiry. But, it wasn't until the latter part of the evening that I really had her to myself. And, that was only because everybody began to get so tired that they couldn't keep their eyes open.We sat back in our seats and talked in a very low voice. You tired? A little. So am I. You know what?
• 17:34
  I missed you all day. Missed me? Yeah. Between Majelich and the marines, I hardly got to talk to you. Like, Cal, you sound as though that were important to you. Well, it is. But we only met yesterday. I know, I know. We're not exactly engaged to each other or anything, are we? That's right. But that wouldn't be so bad.
• 17:53
  Being engaged. What a silly question. I know I'd like it. You're silly. I'm sorry if I've made a fool of myself again. You haven't made a fool of yourself. What time is it? Eleven. Why? We get to Kansas City in fifteen minutes, and I want to get out there. Yes, what for? Well, Sandy wrote me he wanted me to bring him a book, and I didn't have time to get it at home, and it'll be so early when we get to Chicago that I won't have time to get it before catching my connecting train, so...
• 18:19
  The People Yes by Carl Sandberg. Oh, yes. He's the one that wrote that poem about the fog with the little cat's feet or something. Didn't he? Yes. Have you seen that new biography of Tom Payne? No, but I heard of it. He's quite a guy, Tom Payne, according to what Majelich Lickstein says. I like Lickstein. Although he's kind of a tough disciplinarian. You ought to read Payne sometime. Jefferson. hat's my boy. We got to Kansas City and went up to the stairs to the station, and Betty bought her book. Then, we walked around outside the station to get a breath of fresh air. We stood there looking at the lights. Betty put her arm in mine, and it felt to me as though it belonged there. And I couldn't help thinking to myself how nice it would be if we were married and this was our honeymoon.
• 18:58
  Huh?Oh, uh, seven minutes.It leaves at 11.22. Well, what time is it now? Holy smokes! 11.21! We've only got one minute! We'd better run for it! What track is it on?
• 19:11
  Well, don't you know? I'm pretty sure it's on four. Well, here's the staircase down for track four. I hope you're right. Ma'am, is that the El Capitan? No, sir. This here's a westbound train. Well, what track is the El Capitan on? I don't know. Come on, let's get back upstairs. All my stuff is on the train. Mine too. And I've got to report on time. Come on, hurry, buddy.
• 19:34
  Sorry, I don't know. Ask the conductor at the train gate. What train gate? Right there. You wait here, honey. I'll ask the conductor. Say, what track's the Capitan on? On six, I believe. No, I think it's on seven tonight. Well, I believe you've missed it anyway. It's 1125. Oh, great. Try seven, soldier. Okay.
• 19:59
  Seven, try seven. Oh, Cal. Porter, what train is this? El Capitan eastbound. Oh, thank goodness. We staggered on our car, winded and disheveled, and thanked our star as the train hadn't pulled out on time.
• 20:17
  And, we were pretty tired. And Betty slumped down and put her head on my shoulder and went off to sleep. She looked so pretty with her head on my shoulder, and her hair smelled kind of nice, you know. And, I guess I felt pretty sentimental toward her, although, it was true we'd only met yesterday. I stayed awake quite a while, but then I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was suddenly aware that light was beginning to come up in the east.The train was slowing down to go through Shreder, Illinois, and the car was quiet. I looked at Betty to see how she was doing, and to my surprise, I found she was wide awake. She was looking at me out of those big eyes. Good morning, Corporal. Morning, Betty. Can't you sleep? I slept some.
• 21:07
  I've been thinking a lot.
• 21:08
  About what? About you. What about me? I'm sorry we're not going on together after Chicago. Want to know something? What? So am I. Are you Betty? Yes. I like you. I squeezed her hand a little, and we sat there for a while without saying anything, just watching the sky go from purple to pink. Finally, I said to her,
• 21:29
  What? I'd like to ask you just one thing before we get to Chicago, because I know you'll have to rush to make your connection. What is it, Cal? Can I kiss you? Just once? She looked down at me for a moment, without saying anything. Then she put her hand under my chin and drew me toward her, and then she kissed me. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but all kinds of things. Something began singing in my head, lines of poems that I'd learned in school and thought I'd forgotten. And there was a kind of music, too.
• 21:55
  so I didn't say anything. Do you think you'll remember me after today? Well, I don't know about after the war, but that kiss will carry me through the duration. You're a sweet boy, Cal. I suppose it's silly in war to say, take care of yourself, to a soldier. But I guess it's more or less in the hands of God, isn't it? God and Major Glickstein. Nevertheless, you be careful. I'm coming back, Betty.
• 22:24
  You know who I'd like to see first, right I step off the boat? You. I'm glad you feel that way. I really am. Just you don't go get a hitch with some vegetable before you've given me a chance, now will ya? Don't worry. If I write you, will you answer me? Of course I'd answer you. But you haven't told me your... Hi, good morning folks. Greetings, salutation. Good morning, Miriam. Good morning. Well, we get in in ten minutes.
• 22:45
  Have you all got your stuff together? 22:47 --> 22:47 Yep. 22:48 --> 22:50 How much time you've got to get over to the other station, Betty? 22:50 --> 22:51 Half hour. 22:51 --> 22:52 None too much. 22:52 --> 22:52 No. 22:53 --> 22:56 Look, isn't this a cute kid? 22:56 --> 22:58 Good morning, young lady. 22:59 --> 23:00 Isn't she cute? 23:00 --> 23:01 Hello. 23:02 --> 23:03 My name is Fiddle Fuddle. 23:03 --> 23:03 Goodbye. 23:04 --> 23:04 Goodbye. 23:05 --> 23:06 Chicago, Chicago. 23:07 --> 23:09 Please make sure you've left nothing behind.
• 23:10
  Goodbye, Cal. Good luck. Come back. Goodbye, Betty. Tell your brother Sandy that I'm going over there to avenge that lost arm. Tell him I'm going to go help finish the job he started in Spain. And also, tell him I love his sister. I'll tell him. I'll tell him all that. Goodbye, dear. She smacked me right on the lips, and turned and ran to a taxi and disappeared inside.
• 23:38
  It must have been all five minutes later, with me in a perfect daze, all this time, that I realized, with a sinking feeling, that I hadn't given her my address, and I didn't have hers either. I started to run automatically in the direction the taxi had gone. And then, still wondering what to do, I looked down at my hand, and there was a piece of paper. A plain white piece of paper with some writing on it. So help me. I don't remember how it got there, but she must have put it in my hand when she kissed me goodbye. And I was too dumbstruck to notice it. It said, Betty Frisbee, 7692 North Elmwood Drive, Long Beach, California. At home after the armistice. I put it in my breast pocket, and started for the train that would take me to Long Beach, via Germany.
• 24:23
  You've just heard El Capitan and the Corporal by Norman Corwin, presented by Lawrence University Theater of the Air, starring Albert Reiser as Cal, and Elaine Gajewski as Betty. Also featured in tonight's episode, Emma Sweet, Devin Schaaf, Meryl McNally, Sarada Earnshaw, Nick Endress,Joe Yeager, and Dan Whiteley. Music and special effects, courtesy of Chad Close. Our sound engineer is David Owens. This program was brought to you by the students and staff of the Department of Theater and Drama, and was taped live in the Cloak Theater for Lawrence University Theater of the Air. This is your director, Timothy Troy reminding you that studies have shown that three out of four intelligent, talented, and beautiful people prefer radio drama to television.