Latest / Behind Every Great Man / EP 53: When Everything Feels Like Too Much
Transcript
- Jessica Zubchevich: Behind every great man is a great confident exceptional woman. Hi, and welcome to Behind Every Great Man. I am Jessica, your host. Behind every great man is a great woman who knows she doesn't have to carry it all. It's about time we talk about stress and overwhelm because I without knowing you personally yet, I know that this is a part of something that you manage every single day. And Sometimes I feel like I can manage it like a boss. And then other times I'm drowning in it. But I wanted to talk about it and the things that work for me, the things that help me get through. Because as wives, as moms, as working moms, as full-time stay-at-home moms, this is a part of your life. And how do you handle it? Do you do well at it? Do you Do you crush it? Do you does it take over? Is it very overwhelming for you? Let's talk about it. So for me as a wife, as a mom, as a stepmom, as a CEO's wife, our life is very complex. It's very layered. There's many moving parts. And It can take over sometimes. So managing it is part of my everyday life. And what helps me first and foremost is I don't try to pretend or convince myself that everything is okay when it's not. I get very real about what weight is on my shoulders. And I find that what really helps me is to Just simply acknowledge that this is a lot. What is going on right now is a lot. I had an amazing therapist in Philadelphia that after I shared everything, he just always started with just this is a lot. This is a lot for anybody to be handling right now. And it brought me so much relief when I heard that. It was so simple, but it made me feel so seen and acknowledged for. What's going on? Like, yes, it is. I'm not gonna pretend like this isn't. Just admitting that was helpful. Not saying, just you're being dramatic. This isn't too much. Why are you letting these things bother you? Come on, let's go. You should be handling this better. I don't do any of that. I drop into, okay, this is a lot on your shoulders right now. Because sometimes the first thing we need is not a solution. It's just admitting that this is a lot right now. And to stop fighting the fact that this is hard. When we're overwhelmed, everything can just start to blend together like one massive problem. The emotional things, the logistical things, the things that We need to handle right now things that are in the future that haven't even happened yet. I try to name exactly what's going on right now in the present. So there's actually research showing that putting a feeling into words can help calm some of the emotional intensity around it. So saying, I'm overwhelmed, I'm anxious, I'm frustrated, I'm angered, I'm mad, I feel exhausted. I feel overscheduled. I have too many things on the schedule. I feel like I'm falling behind. I feel like I'm not getting things done. I feel I'm spread thin. I have decision fatigue. I feel like I'm having to manage way too much. Once I name it, it starts to feel a little less chaotic. And I'm not trying to minimize things here. I'm just trying to get clear. The next thing I remind myself. Is that it's not always going to be like this. When Jude was a baby and he had to eat every hour and a half, setting my alarm every 40 minutes to wake up just felt horrible. And I didn't see the end. I felt like, wow, this is how it is now. This is my life. I'm sleep deprived. I can't even think straight. I can't even see straight. Because Overwhelm has a funny way of making us feel like this is permanent. Like this is never going away. This is my life now. It's not gonna get lighter. I'm always gonna be behind. I'm always gonna feel like I have this massive load on my shoulders. And that's just not the case. And I have to remind myself that this is just a hard day, or this is a hard week, or this is a hard hour. And not allowing this overwhelming feeling to make me believe that I have a hard life, that this is just my life. I won't go down that path. I don't allow myself to go there. Then I start separating things out. What can I control? What is out of my control? What is something emotional? What is a conversation that I need to have? What is something I need to put on the calendar? What is something I need to take off of the calendar? Because sometimes things feel emotional when they're actually practical. Do I need support? Do I need to call in childcare? Do I need to ask Keith a question, something that's been bothering me? Do I need to stop trying to solve something tonight? I try not to emotionally process things that simply just need a plan. I look for the unhook of things. I remember when we tried to potty train Jude over a Labor Day weekend when he was two, and it was too soon. I jumped the gun. I thought I saw these ready signals, and he wasn't. And it was stressing me out so much. And Keith was like, How about we just stop? I'm like, yeah, giving myself permission to back out of things and stop things. Yeah, that's right. I don't need to gut this out and grind this out. It's not working for me. It's not working for our son. I'm stressing people out. There's my unhook. Freaking done. Yes. Back off. I backed off. And when I get really overwhelmed, I get. Incredibly simple. I don't look at the whole week. I don't look at the whole day. Not even the whole hour sometimes. I look at what's directly in front of me. Jess, you need to put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Jess, you need to get your son dressed. Go into his room, his dresser, get his shirt, get his shorts. Got him. Go downstairs. Okay. It's it's literally one thing at a time. It's not always like that, but there are periods that may only last twenty minutes that I need to do that. But it's necessary because I'm protecting my peace and things are just gonna have to wait. He's late for school, okay. I don't call somebody back, I don't send an email, I don't make the decision I need to make. Okay, our sanity and our peace is priority, full stop. And these other things just have to wait. That's it. One thing, one step, one breath to get me through. I don't need to figure out everything at once. I just need to figure out what's next. What's directly in front of me and do that. So looking for ways that we can shift or change things. And there are things that we can't. And that is my biggest support for overwhelm is getting clear on what I just cannot control. What I need to surrender, what I need to let go of, and give it to God. Let go and let God. I have it tattooed on my arm. don't know if you can see. Let go, let God. So I live by that. That's something that I need to practice and I do every single day. And that sounds like literally, God, this is a lot. I can't carry this on my own. And I am asking you to take this from me. And I'll literally put my hands open in a surrendered position and give it to God. That Brings me peace. It brings me relief knowing that I'm not carrying it alone, knowing that we aren't carrying these things alone. I don't talk to a lot of people about my stress. I don't vent really. I know my mom and sister are always asking me, what's wrong? What can we do? How can we help you? You're not sharing, you're not saying. And it's not that I don't share. It's just not the way that I handle stress. It's not what helps me. I talk to God, I talk to my husband, and I process internally. I rely on my own coping mechanisms and my own capabilities that I have learned over the years and that works for me. Sometimes when we share with others unintentionally, it can be magnified the issue. I'm trying to minimize it. I'm trying to work through it and Sometimes they can put their fear on top of it and it can just feel bigger than what it was. Some things I'm gonna be sharing, of course, with my friends and my family. But a lot of times I do my own inner work and all of this is part of that. And then the rest I give to God because there are things that we can solve, then there are things that we have to just surrender. And I think sometimes surrender is the most Powerful thing we can do. It's time for our weekly pause. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, please take a couple moments for you. Let's work through some of this anxiety, this overwhelm, this stress, and see if we can bring some relief. Close your eyes if we can. Let's all take a deep inhale through your nose. Exhale it out through your mouth. Another deep soothing breath in. Exhale it out. One more deep breath in. Sister, I want you to think about what you're carrying right now. Just what feels heavy today. Is it a conversation you need to have? The schedule is full. You haven't prioritized yourself, your marriage. I want you to see it I want you to see it all and ask what part of this can I control? What part of this am I carrying that isn't mine to carry? And most importantly, what do I need to give to God? I want you to say these words aloud or to yourself. This is a lot. This is a lot right now. This is hard. And I also don't need to carry this by myself. I surrender and give them to God. Let's all take one last inhale together. Exhale it out and open your eyes. Sister, you don't need to feel like you have to solve everything when you're standing in a hard moment. Simply acknowledge what you're experiencing. Know that it is a season and that you don't have to carry it all by yourself. Behind Every Great Man is a great woman who knows she doesn't have to carry it all alone. Thanks for taking the time to join me on this week's podcast episode. You can find more episodes of Behind Every Great Man on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if this spoke to you, please subscribe and share it with a friend. Thanks again, and I'll see you next week.