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Don't Lose Sleep Over Mean People · The Nadia Chapman Show

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  Have you ever left a conversation thinking, what the heck was that?
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  Like someone makes a unnecessary comments or is being condescending and talks
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  down to you or just treat you like you are an inconvenience.
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  And somehow you are the one wondering, what did I do wrong?
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  Welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show. I'm Nadia Chapman. And today we're talking
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  about mean people, rude people, jerks, people who leave you thinking it would
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  cost you absolutely nothing just to be decent.
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  I believe in treating people the way I want to be treated, but that doesn't
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  guarantee that they will return the favor.
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  And I'm sure you've experienced that at some point in your life.
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  So let's talk about why people act this way, what to say when this happened,
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  and how to stop replaying this bullshit in your head again and again,
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  long after the conversation is over.
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  And yes, we'll talk about karma, God watching, just because sometimes you have
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  to trust that God saw it, right? And resist the urge to personally organize the consequences.
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  Life is full of kind, caring people who show up for others, but also people
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  who are rude, mean, and unnecessary hurtful.
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  And we can all think of a moment when someone treated us like crap.
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  We've all been there, whether you are a kid at school dealing with a friend
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  or a teacher, or you're an athlete and you had a bad coach or just,
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  I mean, you can be anywhere at work, at the store, in the parking lot.
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  Let's take a deep breath. Okay.
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  You are allowed to be bothered, you know, being treated badly,
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  of course, hurts, especially when you are, you know, nice, when you make an
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  effort to be a good person.
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  You don't need to pretend that you are above having feelings.
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  Everybody's got feelings. We're all human.
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  And mean people are human too. We are all perfectly imperfect, of course.
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  But let's help you figure out what to do about those people.
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  Why are people rude? That is the question. They can be hundreds of reasons, of course, as you know.
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  Maybe they are frustrated. Maybe they're taking it on whoever is nearby and
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  that just happened to be you.
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  Maybe they're really good at using sarcasm instead of saying what really bothers them.
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  Maybe they're defensive. Maybe they're jealous or trying to look important in
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  front of some people around and sometimes they're careless and sometimes,
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  yes, they know exactly where to aim and where to put a comment so it hurts.
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  We don't always know which explanation fits.
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  We are not in people's head and people's heart, of course. And that's important
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  because you can spend an incredibly long amount of time trying to figure out their intention.
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  You don't know what's going on in a rude person's head.
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  So you can spend all the time in the world trying to figure it out,
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  while at the same time ignoring what you need.
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  So ask yourself this, what happened and what response would help me respect
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  myself right now? And that is a very important and powerful question.
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  What happened? So we want to have the facts. What happened?
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  And what response, so that is something that you get to control,
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  would help me respect myself again? And maybe you need to clarify.
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  What did you mean by that? Or maybe you need to be direct.
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  That was unnecessary. Or maybe you need to say something like,
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  you can't disagree with me without speaking to me like that.
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  And of course, you can say these things calmly. It's not always easy,
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  but you don't have to win a shouting match with somebody who is rude to you.
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  And if you freeze in a moment for a second, you can address this later.
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  So missing your opportunity for the perfect comeback or the perfect response
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  doesn't mean that you've agreed to be treated like shit and be treated like
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  this forever. Are you following me?
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  I believe in treating people the way I want to be treated. That's what I,
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  you know, taught my kids. That's what I do.
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  I want to be thoughtful. I want people to feel acknowledged.
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  But over time, I've had to learn that being considerate doesn't guarantee consideration in return.
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  And that can be disappointed or you can learn to let it go, which I learned
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  to let it go. But not everybody can do that.
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  But it can be disappointing, especially when you keep thinking,
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  I would never do that. somebody.
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  I know you wouldn't, but you can keep making decisions based on what you would
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  do or what you could have done, and especially overlooking what they keep doing.
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  If this is a pattern, guys, use the information.
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  You can absolutely, let's say, stop telling personal things or be close to someone
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  who turns them into a little digs.
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  You can make maybe fewer plans, set boundaries with the person who consistently
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  leaves you feeling awful. And you can be professional with a colleague or somebody
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  at work without continuing to seek their friendship. Hmm.
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  Basically, what I'm telling you is that you can stay that kind person,
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  respectful person, and become maybe more selective about where you put your
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  effort and your energy and your love.
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  And if someone is treating you or making you feel maybe unsafe,
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  please prioritize getting support and getting out of that situation.
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  You don't owe anyone a confrontation.
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  Now, let's talk about...
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  Karma. I really want to bring karma into this because I know some of you are
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  thinking her day will come or his day will come. And maybe, and sometimes I
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  like the thing that yes, God is watching.
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  How we treat people really matters, especially when there's no audience and
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  nobody around. So nothing to gain or no one around to praise us.
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  But if we believe that God is watching and we believe in karma,
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  let's say, I have to include my own behavior in that.
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  So how do I choose to respond when somebody is being an absolute jerk to me?
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  Am I dealing with what happened or am I maybe trying to make somebody hurt as much as they did to me?
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  And what I like to instruct people, especially younger clients of mine, is you can be furious.
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  You can be so disappointed or so upset and still choose a response that you'll
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  respect tomorrow. And it's so difficult to do, but it's the correct thing to do.
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  And you know, you don't have to wait for that karma, of course,
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  to produce consequences before you're allowed to feel better.
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  Because if you do that, you will be waiting for their life to change so you
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  can enjoy yours. So don't do that.
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  Which brings me to letting go.
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  People say, oh, just let it go, let it go, he's mean, she's mean,
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  you know, as if there's a button that says, just let it go, that you can press.
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  But letting go takes a few choices.
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  First, acknowledge what hurt.
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  Was it, oh, that embarrassed me, I felt dismissed, I felt disrespected,
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  I expected more from them, and then decide whether there's something that you need to do or not.
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  Maybe you can have a conversation, maybe set some boundaries, set your limit.
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  Ask for support or maybe adjust the relationship. Once you have a plan,
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  ask yourself, am I solving this or am I making myself experience this again?
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  If you are in your head on your seventh imaginary argument, let's say,
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  well, you probably have enough material.
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  Tell yourself, I know what happened. I know he or she, you know, were not nice to me.
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  I know my next step. And right now I'm returning to my day.
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  Then give your attention somewhere real. Come back to something else.
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  Finish what you were doing. Walk the dog. Talk to someone who's actually glad to hear from you.
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  Put your phone away if you're checking for an apology that is not there yet.
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  Or maybe will never arrive.
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  And that thought of, you know, being treated poorly or that feeling will or may come back.
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  And I want you to learn to redirect yourself again.
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  You're practicing to redirect yourself. You're not failing. It does take time.
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  And please remember, you know, that the people who treat you well are there.
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  There's people out there who check in with you.
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  You have friends who celebrate with you. I hope you do.
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  Colleagues and people you work with that make your life easier and brighter
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  and let their behavior count too.
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  You know, one rude person in your life can be very loud in your mind and occupy
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  a lot of your headspace, but they don't deserve to become your entire opinion of humanity.
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  All right, Focus on the good, focus on the good people, always.
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  So here's my reminder for you today. Treat people in a way that you can feel good about.
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  Speak up when you need to, pay attention to patterns, and stop offering unlimited
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  chances just because you have a very generous heart.
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  And I know it's not always easy, but keep treating people with kindness and
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  remember that you deserve the same respect. So speak up when you need to,
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  know when to step away and set boundaries, and give your attention back to the
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  people who make your life better because they're out there.
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  Thank you so much for listening to the Nadia Chapman Show. I'll talk to you next time.