Latest / Behind Every Great Man / EP 46: Who Told You That's What A Wife Is Supposed To Look Like?
Transcript
- Jessica Zubchevich: Behind every great man is a great confident exceptional woman. Hi, and welcome to Behind Every Great Man. I am Jessophy, your host. Behind Every Great Man is a great woman who writes her own definition of what a wife is. When you hear the word wife, what comes to mind for you? How would you describe a wife? Just notice the picture that pops into your head. How does she dress? What does she wear? How does she speak? What does she say? Is she polished? Does she always know what to say? Kind, patient always, can cook incredible meals, holds dinner parties effortlessly. What are her fashion choices? What's the image that you get of a wife? And then I want to know where you got this image. Is it something that you saw? Is it your mom as a wife or someone in your family? Was it from the movies? Or social media is this a Pinterest wife? I'm curious where you got this image, where this came to be, and then if you match that image. Let's talk about it. I never really saw myself being a wife. I didn't grow up wanting to get married. A lot of my family members were divorced. My parents divorced when my sister and I were very young, so I didn't have an image of a wife. And what that looks like or what that's supposed to be. It was really just from the movies. Not too many real life examples. My grandparents, but I couldn't relate to that image of a wife. Marriage just felt very uncertain to me. So when I married Keith, I remember thinking, what do wives even do? Really? What does this look like? Who do I need to be now? Where do I put my hands? Is this what a wife would do? Is this not is this what they do? Is this what it looks like? I remember feeling so intimidated by having this role now, having this label. And Keith has been married twice before. So he's had two examples of what a wife looks like. So that was very intimidating for me. And without really knowing it, I had created this image in my head of what a wife was to look like. And I created this long checklist of what I thought a wife was to be. And that was very challenging for me because I felt like I was trying to fit this image and this mold that I didn't really fit. So I felt like I wasn't living up. To what a wife was supposed to be in my head. And that was very challenging for me. I would say the first two years. I was stressed out. I had a lot of anxiety. I felt like I wasn't the wife that my husband signed on for. Plus, he's a CEO. So now tacking that on, being a CEO's wife, that just threw me over the top. Like. I had a whole other image for that. I was a mess until I realized that none of that was working for me. None of that was truly me and who I am as a person. I don't want to create this checklist that then I'm trying every single day to fit into. Every time I didn't live up to that picture or that image that I created. I felt like I was failing. I felt like I wasn't good enough. If I keep trying to chase this imaginary woman. I'm gonna feel like I'm not good enough every single day. I'm gonna feel like I'm falling short every single day. And I wasn't willing to do that. So I let her go. I let that image go. And that massive checklist that I had became very, very small. And I started asking a different question. What kind of wife do I actually want to be? Not what do I want it to look like, what does she say, not what I should do or what I shouldn't be doing. It became simply who do I want to be? And that is kind, thoughtful, aware of my husband and his needs, present, and creating a peaceful home. And cozy. I'll throw cozy in there because that's a big one. But It goes under the umbrella of peaceful. And that's it. That's my list. That is the woman that I want to be. That's the wife that I want to be. Full stop. I don't put pressure on myself to live up to some kind of image anymore. It's just not sustainable. If you're doing that, sister, it's difficult. It's tough. I've lived it, I've watched women that I absolutely adore live this and try to live up to an image. I had a girlfriend who was married, they're not married anymore, unfortunately, but she would cook for hours endlessly these exotic dishes and very I mean very complex decorating and Making it just this like Michelin star experience in her home. And I remember I was over for dinner one night, and her husband said, Honey, you know, I'm really just a meat and potatoes guy, right? And that just stuck with me because she was creating this beauty and this extravagance. Experience in her home that was just like out of a magazine, Ina Garden, Martha Stewart type stuff. And that's not what her husband was wanting at all. She was working so hard to become this image of a wife that she was completely overlooking and actually paying attention to what her husband was saying to her. That was really eye opening for me. And that was before I actually got married. So I took notes. And I think we all can do that to some degree. I'm always striving to be a better woman, a better wife. But when we go too far with it, when we try to live up to other people's image of it, or trying to impress others, or we're caught in the comparison trap. That's when we get into trouble. We're trying to fit into this image that is not ours and not what our own marriage needs. It's so easy to compare ourselves to other wives that we see in our neighborhood, in our community, on TV. And it's so easy to fall into the trap of what that looks like, or I wish I could do that. I wish that was me. It's not easy to let go of these images that we have. Of what a good wife is supposed to be. But it's necessary because we can drive ourselves crazy with trying to live up to these unrealistic expectations. So let's drop into our weekly pause. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, please take the next couple moments for yourself. If you can, close your eyes. Let's all take a deep inhale together. Exhale it out. Another deep soothing breath and Exhale it out. One more deep breath in. Let it go slowly as if blowing out a candle. Sister, I want you to ask yourself these questions. And answer them honestly to yourself. Have I been trying to live up to an image of a wife? What expectations am I carrying for myself? I the wife that I truly want to be. What kind of wife do I want my husband to experience? Not what would I do? But who am I? Is she kind? Playful Patient. Yeah. Thoughtful. Light hearted. Peaceful. Aware. I want you to choose two or three words that feel true to you. To the wife you want to be. Sister let go of the checklist. The long list of expectations that you place on your shoulders that have no business being there. Let those two or three words become your definition. And let the rest go. Let's all take one last inhale together. Exhale it out and open your eyes. Sister, you don't have to become someone else's version of what a wife is. You get to become the woman that you've always wanted to be, the wife that your husband gets to experience every day, and the woman that God created you to be. Behind every great man is a great woman. Who writes her own definition of what a wife is? Thanks for listening to this week's episode. You can find more episodes of Behind Every Great Man on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if this spoke to you, please subscribe and why not share it with a girlfriend. Thanks again, and I'll see you next week.