Latest / The Daily Sarcast / June 22nd, 2026: The Reflecting Pool, Elmo And The Shore

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June 22nd, 2026: The Reflecting Pool, Elmo And The Shore · The Daily Sarcast

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  Today's episode is brought to you by AI summaries of your texts.
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  They make everything so blunt.
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  If the movie is on, I will get up and leave the room before that scene comes
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  on. Tom Hanks on the scene in Castaway when he sees his girlfriend again.
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  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and me be a laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is June 22, 2026.
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  I hope that you guys had a great Father's Day weekend. i'll get into mine in my lindsay life update,
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  but also just a reminder that is officially summer i know so exciting,
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  it's here yesterday was the longest day of the year and if you missed it well
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  i mean it probably didn't really make a difference anyway i think we're talking
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  like minutes here but anyway you probably missed it,
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  also i'm trying this new thing where i want to go back to where I used to be a lot more satire.
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  So starting this week, I want to play with being a lot more satire.
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  So this is just a reminder not to take anything I say too seriously.
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  I mean, it's not like you do anyways.
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  So with that being said, in real news, a Olympian was just arrested for vandalizing
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  the newly renovated reflecting pool.
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  His defense was that he didn't damage anything he literally just touched a piece
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  that was already peeling off,
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  but like if a 16 million dollar renovation starts falling apart because someone
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  literally just poked it with their finger was their finger really the problem to begin with,
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  As a reminder, this pool was renovated earlier this month as a part of a beautification
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  project ahead of America's 250th birthday.
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  And less than two weeks later, the paint has started peeling and the algae turned the water green.
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  So they literally spent $16 million to create the world's largest abandoned motel pool.
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  The Olympian was just like, I was just being curious and investigating a loose flap of paint.
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  But also why are you investigating that just just let it go dude you don't have
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  to touch it you're not a child,
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  this kind of feels like when your landlord paints over a crack and is like i
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  renovated it and spent like all of your rent money for the entire year on it,
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  and then is shocked when all of the paint falls off elmo just released a clarification
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  video about his world cup stance if anyone was wondering.
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  People were not happy after he said he hoped both teams would have fun during
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  the NBA Finals and wasn't picking a team to root for.
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  So Elmo has not made it crystal clear that he's rooting for Team USA in the
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  World Cup. I mean, who else would he be voting for?
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  In the video, Elmo says, Elmo wants Team USA to win, okay? Before adding,
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  but Elmo loves everybody. don't make this a thing.
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  But unfortunately, Elmo, it's already a thing.
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  He's just a three-and-a-half year old red monster whose job is teaching children
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  about sharing and kindness.
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  But now he has issues about a sports-related apology because grown adults got mad online.
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  Some people apologize to Elmo in the comments, which means we've officially
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  reached the point where people are literally apologizing to a Muppet online.
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  I mean, Elmo just wanted everyone to have fun. That seems pretty reasonable,
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  right? But apparently that's not allowed anymore.
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  Now, even Sesame Street characters need a PR team.
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  The good news is that Elmo has survived this controversy. The bad news is that
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  he's probably one hot takeaway from being booked on CNN's next panel.
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  Meanwhile, over in France, they're dealing with a brutal heatwave this week.
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  It's supposed to be literally over 100 degrees there.
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  Events are getting canceled, schools are getting closed, and you're not even
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  allowed to drink during the country's annual music festival.
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  Yeah, no, like I'm actually very serious about that. The French government was
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  like, no, there will be no day drinking during this heat.
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  Paris has installed thousands of public water fountains, deployed emergency
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  workers, and warned people to stay cool.
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  Schools are closing because apparently learning algebra in a building with no
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  air conditioning is actually cruel and unusual punishment.
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  The heat is so intense that train officials are warning passengers that the
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  rail system is being heavily tested, which is a very, very polite way of saying
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  we have no idea what's about to melt. France isn't alone.
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  Okay, well, obviously not. There's like a lot of other countries around them.
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  Spain could hit 111 degrees. Italy, too.
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  And the UK is flirting with record high temperatures, too.
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  So for anyone who planned a Euro trip right now, oh god, I guess that's including
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  my roommate. She's in Europe right now, too.
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  Ugh. Well, it's literally gonna feel like you're walking on the sun. Good luck.
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  In Lindsay Life, I was down at the Jersey Shore this weekend with the entire family.
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  We're talking my intermediate family no that's not intermediate immediate family
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  and god I'm so tired from this weekend,
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  my sister my parents our family dog then we have my grandmother we have my aunt my uncle their two girls,
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  and then my other aunt and uncle and only their son because Their daughter just
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  went to overnight camp, so there was 12 of us in this house.
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  It's very chaotic if you walk in at any point. My grandmother is yelling at
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  somebody to eat something, or she's too full, or she's telling somebody how to eat something.
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  Oh, and then we also can't forget that there's four dogs there because every
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  family and my grandmother has a dog.
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  So they're all running around barking.
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  And then we all get into like this little like 12 feet by four foot pool and
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  like hang out. So that's fun.
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  And then yesterday we visited our old block because our house is now in Vendor that we live at.
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  But we all, My grandparents used to own a house on Margie that I grew up on,
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  and we went to visit the street, and.
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  I think it was 10 of us were all walking around the street together,
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  visiting our old neighbors, and one of the neighbors was like,
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  you guys all travel still as a unit.
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  We're like, yeah, we literally do all travel as a unit, like our literal massive
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  family. It's very funny.
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  Thing of the week this week is the Great Cottage Cheese Crisis of 2026.
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  The blandest food to ever have ever been created has become the hottest commodity
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  since toilet paper during COVID.
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  Stores are literally selling out of cottage cheese.
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  People are hunting for tubs of good culture like they're searching for Taylor Swift tickets.
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  One person on Reddit compared buying cottage cheese to the Hunger Games. I mean, literally what?
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  It all kind of happened because TikTok discovered that cottage cheese has protein
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  in it, which is kind of groundbreaking.
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  I mean, next week they'll probably be freaking out about steak,
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  and now, you know, steak will blow up.
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  For decades, cottage cheese sat quietly in grocery stores, minding its own business.
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  Everyone assumed that it was something that your grandmother ate.
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  But then influencers started putting it on ice cream, pasta, smoothies, and bagels.
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  And now factories literally can't make enough of it this is one of the biggest
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  things that have become the greatest rebrands in history it went from a nursing
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  home snack to a fitness influencer snack,
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  people have been wanting it so badly so influencers are literally taking yogurt
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  and like putting protein powder in it just to try to like recreate cottage cheese
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  it's disgusting cooking tip of the day.
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  Burnt hot dogs taste way better than regular ones.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, and who's Jewish by looking for a date?
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  Email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com. Thanks so much for listening.
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  Talk to you guys tomorrow.