Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 175. 💔 Leaving Heartbreak Under the Tree: Why You Don’t Need Closure to Move On

Transcript

175. 💔 Leaving Heartbreak Under the Tree: Why You Don’t Need Closure to Move On · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Appoche production. She rises Twelve Days of Christmas.
0:16
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Twelve Days of Christmas with Ashley and
0:19
Speaker 2: Tiana Ho Ho Ho.
0:22
Speaker 3: This is day five.
0:23
Speaker 4: Now.
0:23
Speaker 2: If you've missed up until now, Twelve Days of Christmas
0:26
Speaker 2: is your twelve day glow up before Christmas. This is
0:28
Speaker 2: really all about accountability, stretching yourself, having those uncomfortable conversations
0:32
Speaker 2: with yourself so that you can become the best, most
0:35
Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself before Christmas.
0:37
Speaker 1: Hit most authentic. We're throwing red people pleasing, We're throwing
0:41
Speaker 1: away the blame game. We're throwing away overgiving yourself just
0:44
Speaker 1: so you can be at peace, actually enjoy yourself without
0:47
Speaker 1: overextending or having built up resentment. In all these conversations,
0:51
Speaker 1: they're really deep, but they're very important.
0:53
Speaker 3: They're going to stretch you. It's going to feel uncomfortable.
0:55
Speaker 2: We encourage you to come in with an open mind
0:57
Speaker 2: and if you feel triggered by anything, write it down.
0:59
Speaker 3: This is for your ultimate growth. Okay.
1:01
Speaker 2: Today's episode is called leaving Heartbreak under the Tree. Why
1:04
Speaker 2: you don't need closure to move on? Oh?
1:07
Speaker 1: This one. Honestly, when we were talking about this and
1:09
Speaker 1: planning this episode, it was quite triggering because I really
1:13
Speaker 1: learned how much I really need closure to let go
1:16
Speaker 1: of something I really struggle to not understand. I love
1:20
Speaker 1: understanding human psychology. I want to know why people are
1:22
Speaker 1: doing what they're doing. I want to know their behaviors,
1:24
Speaker 1: want to know their child. I want to understand it
1:25
Speaker 1: because then it helps you have compassion. It does it
1:28
Speaker 1: helps you close the door unplugg a little bit easier.
1:30
Speaker 1: But if you're just left in the lurch, you're always
1:33
Speaker 1: questioning things, and then you have to make up a
1:34
Speaker 1: story or assume something. And I've really struggled with this. Obviously,
1:38
Speaker 1: I've been with Steve for seventeen years, so it's not
1:40
Speaker 1: an intimate relationship, but it's more friendships. When I don't
1:43
Speaker 1: have an answer as to why the friendships ended, and
1:45
Speaker 1: whether it's just grown apart or whether something's particular has happened,
1:49
Speaker 1: or there's no communication at all, I'm like, but why
1:52
Speaker 1: did I do something?
1:53
Speaker 4: Did you do something?
1:54
Speaker 1: Like? I get in my head so much and it's
1:56
Speaker 1: so consuming, and I'm an anxious girlly in friendships and
1:59
Speaker 1: I'm a love girl and I wear the heart of
2:00
Speaker 1: my sleeve, and I valued friendships my whole life and
2:03
Speaker 1: friends are so important to me, so I I really
2:05
Speaker 1: struggled to have closure, But I think it's really this
2:08
Speaker 1: last year, I've just learned that you're not always going
2:10
Speaker 1: to get the answers you want, and whether you get
2:12
Speaker 1: closure or not, it's still up to you to just
2:15
Speaker 1: come into acceptance. If you fully trust in the universe
2:20
Speaker 1: being ten steps ahead of you and having a plan,
2:22
Speaker 1: you just have to accept that what has happened and
2:24
Speaker 1: know that wherever they're at and what they're experiencing is
2:27
Speaker 1: their stuff, and maybe they don't have the capacity, they
2:29
Speaker 1: don't know how to communicate that don't want to communicate,
2:31
Speaker 1: that's fine, that's their choice, They're.
2:33
Speaker 4: Allowed to do that.
2:34
Speaker 1: All you can focus on is accepting what's happened, how
2:37
Speaker 1: it's happened, And all you can do and control is
2:39
Speaker 1: focus on how you move forward. And it sounds so
2:42
Speaker 1: much easier than done. But I just wish I understood
2:45
Speaker 1: this more five years ago, because I think it wouldn't
2:48
Speaker 1: have dragged on my grief as long as what it had,
2:50
Speaker 1: I would have been not questioning everything or trying to
2:52
Speaker 1: make things work. It just would have been acceptance of
2:54
Speaker 1: like this is drifted apart for whatever reason you know.
2:57
Speaker 1: In hindsight, it's a beautiful thing. I can look back
2:59
Speaker 1: on everything now and be like, Oh, that had to happen.
3:02
Speaker 1: Wouldn't be here without it, or I wouldn't have learned
3:04
Speaker 1: that really hard lesson can see where I needed to
3:05
Speaker 1: show up better. I can take responsibility for how I
3:08
Speaker 1: communicate or how I didn't communicate. Hindsight's beautiful. I just
3:12
Speaker 1: want anyone listening who wants the closure as to why
3:14
Speaker 1: their partner's left, or why their partner cheated, or why
3:16
Speaker 1: that friendship goes to them, or why they got five
3:19
Speaker 1: from that job with no explanation, that you're not always
3:22
Speaker 1: going to get your answers.
3:23
Speaker 4: And the longer you.
3:23
Speaker 1: Hold onto it and try to find the answers, it
3:27
Speaker 1: just gets bigger on your head, and it's so frustrating.
3:29
Speaker 1: If you can just take a breath in your body
3:31
Speaker 1: and just literally say to yourself, I accept that this
3:34
Speaker 1: is what's happened. I accept that they can't meet me,
3:36
Speaker 1: they can't have the conversation. All I can do now
3:39
Speaker 1: is meet myself, be there for myself and moved through this.
3:42
Speaker 1: You can let them go with love. And once I've
3:43
Speaker 1: done that, I think of like an energetic unplug. You
3:46
Speaker 1: need to think you plug your phone into the wall
3:48
Speaker 1: when you're plugged into someone, like cutting that cord, unplugging
3:52
Speaker 1: from them. I think visually for me, I like that
3:55
Speaker 1: because once I've unplugged from them, I can like let
3:56
Speaker 1: them float away. Go to a very person, a very
4:00
Speaker 1: visual person. I did a I think it's a meditation
4:02
Speaker 1: actually with Tailor, my old coach, and it was around
4:05
Speaker 1: my stepdad, maybe about.
4:07
Speaker 4: Two years ago.
4:08
Speaker 1: I just had this urge to reach out to him.
4:11
Speaker 1: I didn't know why, and anyway, we ended up doing
4:13
Speaker 1: this meditation and there was a big visualization of meeting him,
4:18
Speaker 1: and then Taylor took the meditation to unplug from him
4:21
Speaker 1: and let him float away. And after the meditation he said, Okay,
4:25
Speaker 1: do you still want to reach out to him?
4:26
Speaker 4: I was like, no, actually don't. Yeah.
4:29
Speaker 1: I am with full acceptance that he was not my
4:31
Speaker 1: father obviously biologically yes, but he hasn't showed up my
4:35
Speaker 1: whole life. So what do I need from him now
4:38
Speaker 1: that I've never gotten before? And I let him go
4:41
Speaker 1: with love, and I haven't had that urge since this curiosity,
4:44
Speaker 1: but the anger and everything I was feeling of like
4:46
Speaker 1: the answers I didn't need to know, like why did
4:48
Speaker 1: you leave, why did you not show up? Why was
4:49
Speaker 1: it not good enough? Why would you take on three
4:51
Speaker 1: other daughters? All those questions. I was like, I just
4:54
Speaker 1: accept that was the path. And I literally visually in
4:57
Speaker 1: the meditation, like saw him float away and disappeared. Happened
5:00
Speaker 1: to Aahuascar my first ayauscar experience too. I cried and
5:03
Speaker 1: cried and cried and having this vision it was my
5:06
Speaker 1: real dad, my father, and then my stepdad came in
5:09
Speaker 1: and then they merged into one man. When I looked
5:12
Speaker 1: at them, I could see both of them. His name's
5:14
Speaker 1: Dean and Andrew, and I could see them both merged
5:16
Speaker 1: into one. And then there was all these flames and
5:19
Speaker 1: I was crying, and then like they kind of like
5:21
Speaker 1: disappeared out into the flames until I couldn't see them,
5:24
Speaker 1: and there was like this moment my hand was kind
5:26
Speaker 1: of reaching out, but I couldn't grab them because the
5:28
Speaker 1: fire was there. And then the fire faded out and
5:30
Speaker 1: it was just gone, and it was like another let go,
5:33
Speaker 1: like they're gone, They're not here for a reason.
5:35
Speaker 4: I was in full acceptance of that.
5:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's cool, I love Ayahaska. Oh that's beautiful, that's
5:40
Speaker 1: so cool. You don't need I ask you to have
5:42
Speaker 1: that experience. But it's just the acceptance and surrendering to
5:46
Speaker 1: what has happened and what is now. It's such a
5:49
Speaker 1: form of self love for yourself. You stop putting yourself
5:51
Speaker 1: through so much heartache and heartbreak. And assuming isn't great either,
5:55
Speaker 1: because you can assume the worst of someone or you
5:57
Speaker 1: can assume the best. And now I tried to assume
6:00
Speaker 1: the best of someone. I assume that you know, they're
6:02
Speaker 1: having a really hard time. They don't know how to communicate.
6:04
Speaker 4: I know what that's like.
6:05
Speaker 1: I know I've been times where I can't communicate. I'm
6:08
Speaker 1: at full capacity. Maybe that's where they're at. I can
6:11
Speaker 1: assume that, you know, they've got to focus on something else.
6:14
Speaker 1: It's more important their life right now. I've also been
6:16
Speaker 1: there before. I have compassion for that. I respect that
6:18
Speaker 1: it's easier said than done. But this is what we
6:20
Speaker 1: get to choose what we focus on. But yeah, it's
6:22
Speaker 1: a really hard thing to navigate. I wanted to talk
6:25
Speaker 1: about that because I never hear anyone talk about this.
6:27
Speaker 2: So beautifully said yeah, I hope, so yeah, beautifully said. Honestly,
6:31
Speaker 2: it is a really hard thing, isn't it. It is easier
6:33
Speaker 2: said than done when it comes to closure, but you
6:35
Speaker 2: almost have to go through the thick of the pain
6:38
Speaker 2: and the grief and like all of those things that
6:39
Speaker 2: do come up, because like I know for myself that
6:41
Speaker 2: closure in the past hasn't been like a very linear thing,
6:45
Speaker 2: like you know, let's say for past relationship example, like
6:48
Speaker 2: there were obviously that relationship wasn't something that I wanted
6:51
Speaker 2: to end, like that was the vision that I had
6:54
Speaker 2: created for myself and for him, and like what I
6:56
Speaker 2: thought we were creating was so different to the outcome
6:59
Speaker 2: that we ended up with. And whilst it was still
7:01
Speaker 2: my choice to leave, it doesn't mean that the vision
7:05
Speaker 2: that I created in my head wasn't still there.
7:07
Speaker 3: Like that image in my head even now comes up.
7:10
Speaker 2: For me now, and that like feeling like I needed closure,
7:13
Speaker 2: Like I left because I was like I felt like
7:15
Speaker 2: I had nothing left in me. I felt like I
7:17
Speaker 2: had no fight left in me for where we were
7:19
Speaker 2: at in the relationship. But I still left feeling like
7:22
Speaker 2: I needed closure because I couldn't wrap my head around
7:25
Speaker 2: why I felt like it ended the way that it did,
7:27
Speaker 2: and that it couldn't be what I wanted it to be.
7:30
Speaker 2: Like I genuinely struggled with accepting that, you know, And
7:34
Speaker 2: so I remember I remember feeling closure, wanting closure. It's
7:38
Speaker 2: almost like unfinished business. It's like you obsess over the
7:41
Speaker 2: unfinished business. And that's the thing that fucks with your
7:44
Speaker 2: head so much, because you're like, but what if, what
7:46
Speaker 2: if it could be this way, or what if it.
7:48
Speaker 3: Was meant to un you know, there's more.
7:49
Speaker 2: To the story, or we're not done here, or whatever
7:52
Speaker 2: the hope that you're holding onto. And I remember my
7:55
Speaker 2: journey of this feeling a lot like grief.
7:57
Speaker 3: You know.
7:57
Speaker 2: I assumed the worst of him at my peak of
7:59
Speaker 2: my anger, and then my compassion, I assumed the best
8:02
Speaker 2: of him, and then I went through these different phases
8:05
Speaker 2: and none of it was wrong, but I just went
8:08
Speaker 2: through this multitude. It was almost like a vortex of
8:10
Speaker 2: like one moment I was angry, and one moment I
8:13
Speaker 2: was pissed off, and one moment I was compassionate and
8:15
Speaker 2: grateful and happy, and you know, proud of myself for
8:19
Speaker 2: navigating that relationship and also proud of the woman that
8:21
Speaker 2: I'd become. But then I'd fall back into sadness again,
8:24
Speaker 2: and then I'd come back up into anger, and I
8:26
Speaker 2: was like this never ending journey of all these different
8:29
Speaker 2: facets of grief, a feeling like I needed and wanted
8:34
Speaker 2: and was hoping for closure in hope that it would
8:37
Speaker 2: bring me peace.
8:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you think if you've got a full clear
8:40
Speaker 1: answer where he could say, I'm not gonna be with
8:42
Speaker 1: you because da da da, but you never really got that.
8:45
Speaker 1: It was a bit like not wishy washy, oh, like I.
8:47
Speaker 3: Don't want to be with you. Yeah you know, I.
8:49
Speaker 4: Don't know, but I'm not in love with you.
8:51
Speaker 3: Yes, Yeah.
8:52
Speaker 2: I think then you'd be like I was searching for
8:54
Speaker 2: some kind of like honesty like that. Yeah, because that's
8:57
Speaker 2: how I guess. I expect that I would shop in
8:59
Speaker 2: that way or even if it was brutal. Even if
9:01
Speaker 2: it was brutal, I'm like, I can handle brutal.
9:02
Speaker 3: I will respect you for that. Yeah, I respect you
9:04
Speaker 3: for your honesty.
9:05
Speaker 2: You can hurt my feelings, but anyway, like I remember
9:08
Speaker 2: really wanting closure, and there were times where I did
9:10
Speaker 2: reach out for closure, but even then it wasn't the
9:14
Speaker 2: closure that I needed, Like I couldn't as much as
9:16
Speaker 2: I wanted it from him. I was really looking for
9:19
Speaker 2: validation in that moment, validation, hope, connection, wanting attention from him.
9:26
Speaker 2: If I'm really honest with myself, I wanted to still
9:29
Speaker 2: stay plugged into him because I wasn't ready to let
9:31
Speaker 2: go yet and I'm still not. It still comes up
9:34
Speaker 2: for me.
9:35
Speaker 3: Do I want that? Is it something that I want now?
9:37
Speaker 1: No?
9:37
Speaker 3: Does it still come up for me?
9:38
Speaker 1: Yes?
9:39
Speaker 4: Yeah.
9:39
Speaker 3: And so even in those.
9:40
Speaker 2: Moments when I'm feeling like, oh, I would be so
9:42
Speaker 2: nice to get closure or to have another conversation around
9:45
Speaker 2: what really happened back then and where we were both at,
9:49
Speaker 2: it's still not something that I need from him because
9:51
Speaker 2: the only person who can give it to me acceptance
9:54
Speaker 2: is myself, yourself, And that's a hard pill to fucking swallow.
9:57
Speaker 2: Acceptance of something that you don't want is a hard
10:01
Speaker 2: fucking pill to swallow, and it hurts, It's gonna hurt,
10:05
Speaker 2: it is. It's almost the way that I imagine giving
10:08
Speaker 2: myself that closure to be able to move on is
10:11
Speaker 2: imagining myself surrendering to it. And I actually say to myself, like,
10:15
Speaker 2: just surrender one percent more, Just surrender one percent more,
10:19
Speaker 2: like you don't have to have it all figured out.
10:21
Speaker 3: You don't have to let it go.
10:22
Speaker 2: You don't even have to let go of the pain
10:24
Speaker 2: that hurt, the happiness, all of the feelings that come
10:26
Speaker 2: up around it. You just have to be willing to
10:28
Speaker 2: surrender to what currently is. And that's okay.
10:32
Speaker 1: It's so hard, isn't it, Because like, I don't know
10:34
Speaker 1: a picture as if you know, if you're reading a
10:35
Speaker 1: book and there's twelve chapters, you get to deleventh chapter,
10:38
Speaker 1: you're not going to close a book.
10:39
Speaker 4: You're finishing that book, but I don't know what happened.
10:41
Speaker 1: Absolutely absolute closure that they had a happy ending or
10:44
Speaker 1: he murdered her or this way to put it. And
10:48
Speaker 1: it's like we go in these relationships, whether it's friendship
10:51
Speaker 1: or cowork or intimate relationship, and it's like, if you
10:54
Speaker 1: don't know why it didn't continue and you've got that
10:57
Speaker 1: open chapter, how do I close the book?
10:58
Speaker 3: Yes?
10:59
Speaker 4: How do I uplug?
11:00
Speaker 1: I need to I can know, But you don't need
11:03
Speaker 1: to know. Yeah, because even if they tell you one
11:04
Speaker 1: thing and you might not even believe it, so then
11:06
Speaker 1: you think you need more closure. Yeah, that can't be real.
11:08
Speaker 1: He's lying.
11:08
Speaker 3: Yeah, even if he tells you something.
11:10
Speaker 1: All that kind of card have been it because I
11:12
Speaker 1: don't feel like that it still won't be enough. You're right,
11:14
Speaker 1: it's only us that.
11:16
Speaker 4: Can do it.
11:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it doesn't matter what it is, if it's relationships, friendships, grief,
11:20
Speaker 2: like whatever. Like acceptance is a hard thing that we
11:22
Speaker 2: have to come to terms to, but it's something that
11:24
Speaker 2: we have to come to on our own.
11:26
Speaker 3: It is because it's an internal thing. It's an internal journey.
11:30
Speaker 2: And yes it's hard, and yes it's challenging and all
11:32
Speaker 2: the things, but it will make you a better person
11:33
Speaker 2: because of it because you will be able to choose
11:36
Speaker 2: in any given moment. Yes, this was hard, Yes this
11:39
Speaker 2: broke my heart, but I also choose to move forward
11:42
Speaker 2: with my life. Yes, and that's like the biggest gift
11:45
Speaker 2: that you can give yourself this Christmas.
11:48
Speaker 1: And just once again, like grieving and healing is not linear.
11:52
Speaker 1: I do believe time heals all wounds. Yeah, I do
11:54
Speaker 1: think over time, even grief, it's not like it fully
11:57
Speaker 1: goes away, but you get better.
11:58
Speaker 4: At holding it.
11:59
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
11:59
Speaker 1: As Lana said that in our interview, if you do
12:01
Speaker 1: not listen to Aslana's interview in November, Holy.
12:04
Speaker 3: Moly, please go listen.
12:05
Speaker 1: She said that the grief never goes away, but her
12:07
Speaker 1: capacity to hold it and whole joy got better and
12:10
Speaker 1: better as time went on, and now she's the happiest
12:12
Speaker 1: she's ever been, which sounds crazy to someone that's lost
12:15
Speaker 1: her teenage daughter. Yeah, so it all gets to be there,
12:18
Speaker 1: and it's the same with you. I feel like, yeah,
12:19
Speaker 1: the grief of that relationship not working out and the
12:22
Speaker 1: picture that you had for you, you two, in the
12:23
Speaker 1: fairy tale that you wanted with him, that is still
12:26
Speaker 1: there for you, but you've learned to hold it and
12:28
Speaker 1: accept that it's not going to be like that. Oh.
12:30
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it's both coexisting.
12:32
Speaker 2: Absolutely, It's like what Slana said, It's like I am
12:34
Speaker 2: the happiest that I've ever been in my life right now,
12:37
Speaker 2: Like proud, happy. My life has never.
12:40
Speaker 3: Felt this colorful before, purposeful.
12:42
Speaker 2: And like everything about me is lit up. And also
12:45
Speaker 2: there's still a part of me that's also sad about
12:48
Speaker 2: the way that things kind of unfolded or where that
12:51
Speaker 2: never ended up going. It's like the unfinished business of that.
12:54
Speaker 2: It still hurts, but I'm also the happiest that I've
12:57
Speaker 2: ever been. Beautiful, you know, So It's like two things
12:59
Speaker 2: can coexist and you can still be on a path
13:01
Speaker 2: of healing and acceptance and growth whilst also still really
13:05
Speaker 2: appreciating all the other beautiful things you've got going on
13:07
Speaker 2: in your life. And I think that, like Aslana said,
13:10
Speaker 2: is using gratitude as an insurance policy, because when you
13:14
Speaker 2: can lean on the things that are also really good
13:15
Speaker 2: in your life, it helps you kind of move through
13:17
Speaker 2: the heavy and hard shit too.
13:20
Speaker 4: I saw a TikTok the other day.
13:21
Speaker 1: It's really interesting because you know, in intimate relationships, like
13:24
Speaker 1: if you're going to break up, there's a conversation. Yeah,
13:26
Speaker 1: most of the time, I'm assuming. Obviously people get ghosted
13:28
Speaker 1: all the time. But most of the time, when an
13:30
Speaker 1: intimate relationship ends, there's a big conversation, or there's a
13:32
Speaker 1: big breakdown, or there's a big fight, or there's something
13:35
Speaker 1: that happens and you decide and you say we're breaking up,
13:38
Speaker 1: we're not together. This girl jumped on a tip dog
13:41
Speaker 1: and it had tens of thousands of shares and she's like,
13:44
Speaker 1: I broke up with my best friend, and she talked
13:46
Speaker 1: about how for about a year she just wasn't feeling
13:49
Speaker 1: as close with her but they kept trying to make
13:50
Speaker 1: things work and kept trying to catch up, and then
13:52
Speaker 1: she was like, how I would an intimate relationship. I
13:55
Speaker 1: just asked to have a conversation. I said to her, like,
13:57
Speaker 1: I'm just not feeling as close with you. I don't
13:58
Speaker 1: know if it's something I've done or you've done. Are
14:00
Speaker 1: you feeling like that? She's like me too, I feel
14:02
Speaker 1: like this too. And then I feel guilty because I
14:03
Speaker 1: want to catch up with you, but sometimes I don't.
14:06
Speaker 1: And they said, well, why don't we just go our
14:07
Speaker 1: separate ways and maybe we just need some time apart,
14:09
Speaker 1: and maybe we'll come back together in five years and
14:11
Speaker 1: we're our different phases in our life. Because they were
14:13
Speaker 1: off doing different things as well, and they had this
14:15
Speaker 1: beautiful conversation and ended their best friend relationship of twenty years.
14:19
Speaker 3: Wow, and they've.
14:19
Speaker 1: Gone their separate ways. They didn't unfollow each other. They
14:22
Speaker 1: still swipe up and say hey, whatever, But there's not
14:24
Speaker 1: that pressure now to keep the relationship and try and
14:27
Speaker 1: continue to make it what it once was because they've
14:29
Speaker 1: both evolved and grown, and it's grown apart. Because you've
14:32
Speaker 1: got that closure, you're both on the same waveleft you
14:34
Speaker 1: both mutually agreed to go on your paths.
14:36
Speaker 4: And still love from afar.
14:37
Speaker 1: Yes, when there's no closure, there's still hurt and you
14:41
Speaker 1: feel not considered and disrespected and all the questions and
14:44
Speaker 1: the assumptions, and that's why it gets so noisy up there,
14:47
Speaker 1: and it's really hard to process that.
14:49
Speaker 4: On your own. But I thought it was a really
14:51
Speaker 4: beautiful thing.
14:51
Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, that is beautiful. That would be
14:53
Speaker 1: a really hard conversation to have.
14:55
Speaker 2: Definitely the best friends, and it doesn't mean that the
14:57
Speaker 2: sadness wouldn't be there.
14:58
Speaker 4: Both like, oh my gosh, we love each other. What
14:59
Speaker 4: are we doing?
15:00
Speaker 3: Imagine? Yeah, so hard, so confronting.
15:02
Speaker 4: If you're going to mean said that, I feel like
15:04
Speaker 4: going anywhere.
15:09
Speaker 2: You're like, you're kidding, right, get like is there a
15:12
Speaker 2: camera of what you're saying?
15:15
Speaker 3: Oh, that would be a savage April Fool's joke.
15:18
Speaker 1: I would never But yeah, that was really beautiful. Yeah.
15:21
Speaker 2: I love conversations had bad definitely, and I think a
15:24
Speaker 2: beautiful conversation around this is our mind can really create
15:28
Speaker 2: the worst possible snow of this person, given that things
15:32
Speaker 2: have gone this way. And I think like something that
15:34
Speaker 2: I've learned even in this last year. Like with this
15:36
Speaker 2: relationship especially, is that like I've really come out of
15:39
Speaker 2: the anger and all of the sadness and all the
15:40
Speaker 2: things that I felt, and I have a lot of
15:42
Speaker 2: appreciation for him as a person, you know, and as
15:45
Speaker 2: well it didn't go the way that I would have
15:46
Speaker 2: liked it to, it still doesn't change the fact that
15:48
Speaker 2: I think he's a great human and I'm choosing to
15:51
Speaker 2: assume the best of him. And I think that's something
15:54
Speaker 2: that we can all take away of, Like, even if
15:57
Speaker 2: something doesn't work out, even if we're not close to somebody,
15:59
Speaker 2: even if we have TIFFs, even if we're no longer
16:01
Speaker 2: in somebody's life anymore, It's like we can still assume
16:03
Speaker 2: the best of that person while it also still validating
16:06
Speaker 2: our hurt as well.
16:07
Speaker 1: I both can exist, definitely, And I think one thing
16:10
Speaker 1: we've been talking about lately too is people can only
16:13
Speaker 1: meet you as deep as what they've met themselves. Really,
16:15
Speaker 1: So if people can't meet you to have that card
16:17
Speaker 1: conversation or go that deep with you, they're not going
16:20
Speaker 1: there than themselves. That's too un comfortable for themselves. If
16:22
Speaker 1: they can't do it with them, how the hell they
16:23
Speaker 1: meant shot up for you, And that's why I know
16:26
Speaker 1: it's not about you. And that's why I want to
16:27
Speaker 1: be able to go deep with myself because I always
16:30
Speaker 1: want to stay deeply connected to my into a relationship
16:32
Speaker 1: and my friends and my kids. How can I hold
16:35
Speaker 1: them and their bigness and all their stuff they're going
16:37
Speaker 1: to go through if I can't hold myself and that. Yeah,
16:40
Speaker 1: the more I hold myself, sit with myself, feel or
16:43
Speaker 1: have acceptance for things, the more I can roll model
16:45
Speaker 1: that and be that for them as well. Yeah.
16:47
Speaker 2: It's tough though, it is, but it's also a really
16:49
Speaker 2: freeing way to live life too, not feeling like those
16:52
Speaker 2: things are like holding us down or triggering us all
16:55
Speaker 2: the time. It's like, no, like when do we let
16:56
Speaker 2: go of the burning rock that hurts us? Yes, this
16:59
Speaker 2: is the time, it is. It is your emotions. Yeah.
17:02
Speaker 1: I wanted to bring this in in case you were
17:04
Speaker 1: holding onto something and you just still all those questions
17:07
Speaker 1: are going in your head. Just take a big breath,
17:08
Speaker 1: sit in your body, and like let it go. Don't
17:10
Speaker 1: let it consume another year of your life.
17:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what, be okay that it's going
17:14
Speaker 2: to be messy, Yeah, and that you know I know
17:17
Speaker 2: just from personal experience, you're going to be like, fuck,
17:19
Speaker 2: why not over this yet?
17:20
Speaker 3: Why not over this yet? Oh my god, I sound
17:21
Speaker 3: like a broken record.
17:22
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
17:22
Speaker 2: We say this to each other all the time about
17:24
Speaker 2: everything that we bring in a million times, but we're like, no,
17:27
Speaker 2: bring it in, Bring it in every single time, because
17:29
Speaker 2: it deserves a space to be felt, to be moved
17:31
Speaker 2: through so that you can actually move on. Let it
17:34
Speaker 2: come up as many times as it needs to come up,
17:36
Speaker 2: allow space for it, don't judge it, and watch how
17:39
Speaker 2: much lighter you'll feel in six months from now.
17:41
Speaker 4: Definitely.
17:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, we love you guys, and are sending a love
17:44
Speaker 1: out there to anyone who is seeking closure and feeling
17:46
Speaker 1: like that. We totally understand how fucking painful it is.
17:50
Speaker 1: It's not a fun part of life.
17:52
Speaker 4: No, it's not.
17:52
Speaker 1: You've got this. We're here for you, we get you,
17:54
Speaker 1: we see you in all of it and sending you love.
17:56
Speaker 1: But choose yourself this Christmas.
17:58
Speaker 3: Absolutely, we'll see your day six tomorrow.
18:00
Speaker 4: Bye.