Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 10. The Privilege and Burden of Healing Generational Trauma for WOC and Allies with Harpinder Mann

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10. The Privilege and Burden of Healing Generational Trauma for WOC and Allies with Harpinder Mann · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready to talk about the privilege and burden of healing generational trauma as a woman of color and ally?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, we are going there.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I am excited to have my Color Dreams inner circle client, Harpenter Mann, who's also a yoga meditation teacher and co-founder of the Woman of Color Summit as our guest speaker for this episode.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: So we delve deep, we share our experience as first generation immigrants and how beautiful it is that we want to end the generational trauma with us.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: And what's interesting is at the time when we recorded this interview, Harpinder and I were actually being triggered with our own family members.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we shared how we've healed, how we've coped with it.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: And at this current time, when this episode is dropping, Harpinder is actually in India.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And in this episode, Harpinder delves deep in how yoga creates liberation from suffering to complete pure consciousness.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: So who am I?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Elaine Lucartis, business and career coach for Woman of Color and Allies, and host for the Color Your Dreams podcast, where we have conscious conversations so you can create a sustainable and equitable future in your business, career, and life.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now, go get your boba, tea and or coffee, and get ready to color your dreams to create your legacy.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: As a first-generation immigrant, I know how much pressure there is from our family and society to have a safe and secure life.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: But in the Call Your Dreams Podcast, I'm here to challenge you to be your best self by creating a business and career that is sustainable, abundant, and enriching without playing by other people's roles.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: We'll have real talk on the deep inner work to create lasting transformation and the tactical strategies to create a profitable business and career.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: We both know you have a vision, roots you're proud of, and a legacy to create.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's time to do things your way on your own terms.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: So let's get started.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now grab your coffee, tea, and or boba, and let's call your dreams to create your legacy.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope all of you guys have your tea, coffee, or boba because I have a special guest for you.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: I have Harpinger Man Yoga, who has been a client for the past year, an amazing speaker.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: I've actually had her come into several of my events to come do meditation.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Harpinder is a yoga and meditation teacher as well as the co-founder of the Woman of Color Summit.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Harpinger, welcome.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Elaine, for having me on.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited to be interviewed by you today and to have people hear this conversation.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: And just so all of you know what we're talking about, we're talking about healing trauma as a woman of color.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it has been a crazy past two years.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm excited for Harpinger to share not only her story, but as well as tips for all of you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: So bring out a pen and paper, or if you're driving, please do not bring out a pen and paper and just continue driving and take mental notes.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: But Harpinger, I would love to ask you, how did you get into this work?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And why has a focus been on healing trauma as a woman of color?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I can start off with a little story.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just from last week, I was working with one of my private clients.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: We were focusing on yoga philosophy, yoga history, condensed down into 10 minutes.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So obviously touching on the very key points.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We were moving through gentle yoga asana, exploring connection to breath.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: But sometime in the middle of the session, we both looked at one another and it was like, who knew being an adult was just going to be unlearning all the things that were taught to you when you were younger?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: That being adult was going to be healing from all the things that happened to you when you were younger, and maybe you didn't have that control or the autonomy or the sovereignty to be like, this isn't right.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want this to happen to me.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I just wanted to start off with that little story of like, man, being an adult, there's just so much unlearning, there's so much healing.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And something that always speaks out very personally to me is knowing that healing is not linear.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: There are going to be times that we get re-triggered.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we get re-traumatized.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, something I was actually saying to another client is this work of emotionally healing ourselves, this work of taking care of ourselves with so much grace and compassion is the work.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about how much money we make, it's not about how productive we are.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: To me, it's how well can we take care of ourselves?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: How well can we take care of these vessels, these physical bodies that we have?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: How well can we take care of our mind, of our heart, so that we can be in better relationship with ourselves, so we can have better relationships with other people.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So that's just a little um little story, little entry point of um why I think this healing work um is so crucial because it's it's truly lifelong work.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: There is already so many quotes that I've just pulled from that.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to mirror back because it's all really important.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: You're sharing the unlearning of a lot of things, and healing isn't linear, and not to go too personal or in depth, but before both me and Harpinger hit record, we were sharing some triggering moments that we recently experienced, and also what a gift it is for both of us to be able to be able to heal, to be able to know what tools we can use, and to we both have our own therapists.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I actually have two because I'm that crazy to go to and heal from it, especially as a woman of color, as first generation immigrants.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was sharing with Harpinger before we even hit record, where I'm like, the trauma I wanted to stop in this generation with me.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I will do all the healing necessary, not just for me, but for future generations, because I just don't want that.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Anything you want to add to that, Harpinger?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think what a powerful statement.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It ends with me.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is where it ends.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's such a privilege and such a gift, as well as definitely a burden to be that person to say this generational trauma, these habit patterns, it ends with me.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: No more.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're not passing it down to the next generation, we're not passing it down to the lineages that come after us.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: What a privilege and also a burden to take that on to say, that's it.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: It ends with me.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when I think about my own story being born to immigrant, Punjabi Sikh parents, a father that has undiagnosed mental disorders, a mother that wasn't allowed to go to English, English school as a way to have more control over her by my father being raised, where we moved around a lot due to my father's paranoia.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: There was domestic violence, there was sexual abuse, there was bullying that leaves a mark.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm not the only one that's gone through things like this, that's had things out of my control, violations.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me now, and especially over the last nine years, it's been healing through those things.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest, I think the healing modality that's really spoken so heavily to me and made the biggest difference was finding yoga.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't finding yoga as we see it in the West as this asana class where we're moving so quickly.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And some of the first studios I went to in LA back in 2013-2014 were your like core power, your yoga works, where the room was so foggy, there's so much steam in there.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't see like past my mat.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the focus was really just like moving our body so quickly.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's no connect time there to connect to the body.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, it was when I went to India, started going to the Ananda Sangha, who teach in the lineage of Parhamza Yoga Ananda, where they talk about God and they meditated together.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the asana we did was, I don't think we got off our mats.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just this connection to spirit and connection to one another that every time I left that community, I got back into the taxi to get back to my hotel.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I would just, I was just crying.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I've spoken also with so many students of yoga, so many teachers of yoga that say the same thing.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I went to that first class, I had that experience, and all of a sudden the floodgates opened.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes these floodgates are floodgates of like, wow, I'm enough as I am, and I've been carrying this burden of needing to be something that I'm not.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's these memories that come in of being harmed, of being violated, and you've been repressing them for so long.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: But something about meditating in this way, moving your body with intention, brings it back out.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And depending on who you are, either it forces you to confront it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it then meant finding a therapist.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I also have such respect for plant medicine, such respect for my partner who I met around that time, that was such a great support system to support system to me, still is, and really set me down this journey of how can healing be my biggest priority for myself so it doesn't get passed down to other generations.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then for the people around me, we've heard that quote like hurt people hurt people, and it's true.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for myself too, when I get triggered, when old stuff comes up, that then I do react blindly.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I do treat people badly because I'm hurt and I'm not taking care of myself.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, when I know I'm I'm feeling triggered or something doesn't feel right, how do I come back to my tools?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that biggest tool is the awareness and the self-compassion.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: In this moment, I am not me, but I still love me.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna take some time to use my tools and practices to give back to myself.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: We know self-care.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But that's a very top level of what brought me to my path now of being a yoga asana meditation teacher, being the co-founder of the Women of Color Summit, where it is about creating these brave spaces for women of color to feel empowered, to feel like I am whole, I am enough.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And even if my dad said otherwise, if people at school said something to me, if my coworkers, my boss try to beat me down and tell me I'm not enough, I'm not doing a good job, that that's not true.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And how can we start to understand what is the truth of our essence?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the last thing I'll leave on on this point is in yoga, there's a concept of Purusha.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's a Sanskrit term.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I do want to also say that perhaps I'm not saying it correctly.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if someone does know how to say it correctly, let me know.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: But Purusha is this idea or concept of pure consciousness.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we are all pure consciousness traveling around in these vessels we call our bodies with our minds and our egos.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it's this return back to pure consciousness where I am enough, I am whole, because pure consciousness is just that.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of stepping away from the trappings of our mind and the false stories that we get told all the time.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: It just sounds like you've done so much healing.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And as you know, I've also done it.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I also want to share this.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're talking about generational trauma, how we both, and I know not just both of us, but I'm pretty sure for those of you that are listening, you want to stop it too.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to share, we're not blaming the generations before us.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what's really beautiful when you go through your own individual healing is seeing what you were saying hurt people, hurt people, where wow, this person that loves me so much went through their own trauma, which their parents have gone through their own trauma.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: And what a privilege, right?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Where I understand they may not have the tools for it.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I also understand how they might have been raised where it's taboo to even do anything about it.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And for both of us to do this work and healing ourselves.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: So for you with yoga, and I know it sounds so simple, but the question is what is yoga?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because unfortunately, in today's Western society, we think it's a workout and it's being about being flexible, but what people forget is the mind-body-spirit connection.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like what you're saying is having those epiphanies where, oh, this is what I'm working on.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I am not a yoga teacher, I'm a student.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: I go do hot bikram yoga three to five times a week, but I do it because I'm so addicted to like the revelations that even happens for me.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll use another cliche or term we've all heard.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: The answers lie within.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And what does that mean?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: The answers lie within.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when I talk now about the definition of yoga, I refer back to my one of my teachers, Prashad Rangankar, who's based in India.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And the way that he defines yoga, yoga is a set of set, it's a body, a work of intellectual and spiritual practices, scripts, tools that originated in the Indian subcontinent 2500 to 3500 years ago.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the goal of yoga is liberation.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's to end our suffering, it's to move past this cycle of birth, rebirth, death, and it's to reach that point where we go back to becoming pure consciousness.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that can seem like a very lofty goal for those of us that don't know about these things or don't even think to think about these things.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I think about Patanjali, his definition as laid out in the Yoga Sutras, what he says is yogas, chitta, virti, naroda, the restraints of the activities of the mind is yoga.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Another one of my yoga teachers, Vikram, also based in India, he was talking about when we think also one of the goals of yoga is to separate Purusha, pure consciousness from prakriti, which is our matter.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: So again, that separation of pure consciousness from our body.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So moving past this cycle of rebirth and death, as I stated before.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: But then when I think about it in the context of the yamas and niyamas, as laid out in uh Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, these two limbs of yoga really teach us how to live ethically, how to live morally?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: So when I think about yoga for myself, the question that I ask myself or attempt to in every moment or time or choice, is this making me a better person?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Is this action that I'm taking making me a better person?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Is this making other people's lives better?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, you know, the answer is no.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, maybe I need to step away and reflect a little bit more, or why am I reacting blindly here and not taking time to respond?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: So within yoga, we have the yamas, niyamas, those first two limbs.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: We have asana, which is the physical postures, we have pranayama, which is the control of our energy.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: So anything we consume, whether it's TV, media, us talking, things we eat.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: And more modernly, we also see pranayama translated into breath work because breath is one of our quickest ways, our easiest ways, we see the manifestation of our breath.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then it moves into pratyara, withdrawal of senses, dharana, dhyana, meditation, and then samadhi, which is the last step, this bliss.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the last thing I'll say on this is like when I think about like samadhi bliss, is for me, it's like in small moments throughout my day, or maybe throughout the whole day, how can I savor what I'm doing?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I was talking to one of my students in my meditation class that I teach every Monday morning for Thail Yoga, and she was she was in a bus ride, listening to music, and she said she looked out the window and all of a sudden just felt completely at ease and just felt like, wow, life is good.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I've had those moments of bliss and ease too, where I'm doing something really small, working on my laptop, I'm looking out the window, the birds are chirping, and I'm just like, wow, I'm like so blissful right now.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what we're trying to work towards is having this framework, which is yoga, to help us guide our life to live a morally, ethically meaningful, content life.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it's this practice that reminds me like our minds are seeking, seeking minds, they're wanting minds.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can I, instead of always listening blindly to my mind, and we've heard like monkey mind, how can I try to step back into that place of listening to my soul, of listening to my heart?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what are those parts of me wanting or needing?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, I would I would describe that when I think about yoga and how it shows up for me and the ways that I define it.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we'll also here, last thing I'll add to this is like yoga as union.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for me, I think about it that union between ourselves and the divine, between God, between the universe.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: So there's just so much goodness in there, just the stillness of, I mean, we could see it whether you are a parent or you have a niece or nephew, or maybe a cousin who's younger, you just see so much through a child's eye where they have so much excitement to see a rock when it's just a rock, right?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: In our mind's eye, because we're an adult.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: But what I would love to ask you, Harpinger, as well, what are tips you would have for people listening when it comes to embodying the practice of yoga, or more so just listening to your soul, to your heart?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: What tips would you have?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so something my again, my teacher Prashad, was saying in a workshop I attended with him last week is find a credible teacher.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Find a teacher of yoga.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is really steeped in the practice of yoga and knows and is teaching it in a way that reveres the practice, honors the practice, and is teaching you not just asana, although, I mean, that's a great entry point.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And for some of us, that's where we're gonna stop and end with yoga, is going to be asana.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's who you are, there's nothing wrong with that.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're wanting to understand what yoga is as a way to live with more meaning throughout your life, then find a credible teacher.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when we are talking about being a woman of color, knowing that yoga comes from the Indian subcontinent.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: So how can you also pay respects to this practice by working with a South Asian teacher, by working with a person of color yoga teacher?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: Something we also talk about in coming to yoga and practicing it is sadhana, our personal practice is very important.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can you every day either meditate, do a pranayama, move your body, and with the intention of loving yourself, with the intention of taking care of yourself?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's also one of the niyamas is swadiya, which is self-study.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can you take time alongside with your personal practice at sadhana to also understand yourself?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think the way that you do?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why is there certain things that you do?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Could it be a result of generational trauma?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a result of generational gifts that were passed down to you?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it's becoming very curious about yourself and not from a place of like judgment or wanting to fix yourself, but just as a way of understanding all the answers are within.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if the more I know myself, the better understanding I'll have of the world around me.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: So coming from that place of inquiry, the other thing I'll add to that is when you are doing your sadhana, and I know for you you do bikram yoga three to five times a week.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Be consistent.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself that gift of, okay, I went to this class and I learned how to breathe in this way.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I meditated for five minutes.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: That felt nice.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Keep doing it.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself that gift of continually practicing, knowing that yoga and any healing modality is a lifetime journey.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not this like quick fix.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was planning on doing a reel actually sometime this week where the audio is like, what does it say?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is it like, oh, I'm not gonna, I think it's like, are we?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, it's okay.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's how long is it going to take?
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's the audio.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna use the reel of sometimes I find when people come to meditation or come to healing modalities, they're like, I did it once, I'm healed, I'm better.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why, like, why hasn't that happened right now?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in this culture of instant gratification, of seeing on social media that someone is all of a sudden making three million dollars and you think they did it in two days, you want that for yourself.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, okay, I have this problem, I need it healed within two days.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go to a yoga class for two days, I'm gonna breathe in this way, never do it again.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I heal.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, you are your biggest, I don't want to say project, but your biggest priority.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: And how can you give yourself that gift of consistent practice, learning from a credible teacher, and keeping your healing as a top priority for yourself?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: And what I can say, because all of this I can only really speak from my personal experience, I give credit to my teachers for all these beautiful things that I've I've learned.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: But the biggest thing here, it's not your understanding intellectually, it's your embodying experientially.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, with all these things that you're learning and doing, how can you feel that effect for yourself experientially?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Coming back to myself, like in the last now eight to nine years, I make sure to meditate daily.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the days that I don't meditate, I definitely notice how I'm reacting more than I am responding.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: I move my body every single day.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe if I have a really busy day, that means in between meetings, in between calls, I step away from my desk and I do things like hip circles.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or I will do a sun salutation.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: I make sure to do nadi sodhana, a pranayama technique every single day.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, as an example, like on my journal that I have, my planner, I have all my work tasks.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have at the very bottom a section that's called spiritual self-care.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: And under that, I write asana, I write meditate, I write nadi shodhana, I write journal, I write take vitamins, I write if I'm gonna go work out with a trainer, I write that on there.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: If I have acupuncture appointment that goes down on there, and I check those things off exactly the same as I do when I check off the things I have to do for work.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, that's a way to tell myself taking care of myself spiritually is just as important as working and doing things for other people.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to emphasize that when you put yourself first, you can be that better daughter, better partner, better mentor, better teacher to others.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: And we live, I know the goal, right, in this Western society, do as much as you can, like this hamster of doing things.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: But what you are really emphasizing on, Harpinder, is the pausing, the reflecting, because there is so much we can learn in the moment when we pause daily.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what I want others to hear from both Harpinder and me is I just don't have time.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like there's so much lessons from it.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, we kind of had like a coaching session right before, and we were talking about looking at our time.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't just, oh, we need to do a time audit, see where your time is, but also how does that energetically make you feel?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: And before me and Harpinger connected, I connected with my team.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's not bringing me joy.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Can I delegate this somewhere else?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: But if I didn't pause to realize that, that wouldn't have helped me.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Or even pausing to realize last year I don't want to do monthly events.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard because you're so used to doing the things you normally do.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're not pausing to reflect, then are you really gaining, as you would say, Harpinger?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, are you really living a life of bliss where it's coming from the heart and soul?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: And also giving yourself grace when things may change or shift for you.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: So do you have anything for that too, where you're giving yourself self-compassion of what used to bring me joy no longer is, and it may be something different?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm again gonna start with a cliche line that we hear all the time.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the only constant is change.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: In Buddhism, they also talk about the idea of impermanence.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: All things have the nature of vanishing.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we're all going to die.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: We are all going to That is what LeBron says.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, we're gonna die.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, thank you for the reminder.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: But like knowing that we are going to die, for me, I think about death quite often.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I think about it in the context of like, I could either die tomorrow or I could live till I always say 92 for whatever reason.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a number that resonates for me, or I could live till I'm 92.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: So the things that I'm doing on a daily basis, like, is it something when I'm 92?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh wow, I wish I had spent more time in sitting sitting in front of my computer doing Zoom meetings.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it, wow, like spending that weekend with my friends at that retreat house?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, what beautiful memories that are everlasting from that time.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Something else this made me think of is I think this was on LinkedIn or um a therapist shared is we spend so much time, and this in the context of like parents and um children, but then how that shows up for us now.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: We spend so much time, like when we're children being taught from taught from our parents, like really focus on the big, big achievements, like getting an A in that class, your kindergarten graduation, your fifth grade graduation, winning your soccer game.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how can we, though, if we are parents, model to our children, like to savor just life?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wow, look at that rock over there.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, like the sun is out.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if instead we spent time just like really blissfully appreciating being alive, and that's the gift in itself, is like being alive.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think we would have much different humans.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if billionaires would truly exist.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like maybe wars wouldn't be so rampant where our mind is seeking, it's wanting more.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like you reach this pinnacle of success, then your mind's like, oh, but we need to conquer that country to get more.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think if we simply just appreciated I am alive and what a gift that is, we would all probably collectively do less.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like we would all release this burden of stress that we all carry of like, oh, comparison, that person is doing more, so I should do more.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I say all this from my studies, but also personal experience.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: I also fall into the trap of only sharing about my successes, only sharing about when good things happen to me.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the last thing I'll mention here is again, one of my students in my meditation class yesterday morning said she got sick for a week and a half.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And she said she truly rested.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I resonated with that getting COVID back in December for a week and a half.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even check the time.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: I took a nap whenever I wanted.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: And but then she said, like, after this week and a half of truly resting, at the end of the week, she started feeling this like overwhelm of like, oh my God, I need to catch up.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like this week and a half, like I miss so much.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: I need to catch up.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: But then she paused and she was like, Wait, by me even saying I need to catch up, I'm prioritizing, say, work over my health, and also telling myself this last week and a half wasn't real.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't meaningful that I took care of myself.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: My only priority is work because I have to catch up to get back to work.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I think what I want to say here is being mindful about the way that we use language and our thoughts and the things that we say.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: One of the yamas is ahimsa, which is non-harming or non-violence, not only in our actions, but also in our words and our thoughts.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, how are we saying that example, harming ourselves when we're telling ourselves, oh, I need to catch up.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: I need to catch up on work because that week and a half, like I was just, I wasn't feeling well.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I took that time off, but now I gotta get back on it.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a place of where we are harming ourselves, where it's just like, oh, okay, like let me slowly ease back into it, knowing that taking care of myself is my biggest priority.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: One of my mentors shared this quote as we are sharing quotes from others, is our words are spells.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so often what we say can manifest, and it also shows in our thoughts.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you're emphasizing it.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I also had COVID and I will be vulnerable.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: I had a horrible, horrible month last month.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: I had laryngitis and COVID.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: I had to take care of me, my body, my physical, because that's important.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: But then through it, it was interesting as I was unveiling what is a focus for me?
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: What do I need to delete in my life?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I know you share this with me personally too, Harpender.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, moving forward, do I really have the business that's going to sustain me?
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: If there are times when I can't show up, maybe not physically, maybe there is something else that's happening that I want to prioritize.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really being mindful of our words, one and then I will share this though, but there's also practices we could do that's basic, like you were saying with breath.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: It was also, I also noticed my anxiety peak because I couldn't go do yoga or even wanted to do it at home.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: But as we remember with pranayama breathing, I started just breathing deeply and how even the breath into my whole body, because it was so deep, just actually calmed me.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: So it's nothing crazy you have to do.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think so often people think yoga is the poses, but it is more than that.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: And Harpinger, thank you for sharing that with others and reminding them.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, thank you for having me on and giving me this platform and opportunity to talk about this practice of yoga and this philosophy of yoga.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's how do we conduct ourselves through our life to have a more meaningful life instead of yeah, just focusing on the physical postures.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because even that I find in the physical postures, it's like maybe I want a bigger booty.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I feel like I'm I'm too big and I want to become smaller.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: And those places also maybe coming from a place of like harm, of not liking who we are.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's good to be mindful.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like one of my teachers always says, you're perfect exactly as you are, and you still need a little bit of work.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I love that it's like you're perfect exactly as you are, but we all can take this time to really take care of ourselves and see where perhaps we're not.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for myself, like now being a yoga teacher, you yoga student, always being a student of Buddhist philosophy, um, these practices really gave me the space to live more authentically, to be able to put boundaries between me and my family, which we talked about before we started supporting this.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just giving me so much power to stand in my own values, what I consider to be my truth, and not needing to be swayed by what society wants, what my parents want.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I definitely know like when I go back home, my parents have no idea what I do for work.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: And the way that I live my life does not check off their traditional markers of success.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, in my family's eyes, I'm probably a failure to them.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: But if I decided to trust their viewpoint of me, then I would be a failure.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I want everyone to walk away from this, thinking about whose viewpoint of you are you believing?
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: And are you walking in alignment with your own truth and your own values?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: And a great place to start is sitting down, thinking about your values.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: What are three to five things that are your biggest reasons for being alive?
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually did this exercise again with one of my friends this past weekend, and I said, spirituality, living as a spiritual being, living in my purpose is my value, fun, joy, a few other things.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: But that provides such a great compass to be able to navigate through life, going back to our own truth, our own values, instead of listening to what other people have to say.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because as we know, everyone is just navigating through life through their own lens.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone is navigating through life with their own set of trauma, with their own set of beliefs.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it's this I used to say this a lot more often.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't, I haven't recently, but it's like understanding what is the truth?
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we here?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the truth behind all the things that we do?
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe at the end of the day, for me, I feel like sometimes what it comes back to is just love.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is like, how can I love my partner better?
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: How can I love myself better?
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: How can I love those around me better?
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I know in those places when I'm triggered that it's hard to love.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's where the self-care comes in.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the healing comes in.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: I really loved what you share about how liberating and freeing it is when you are self-aware if you are living based off of other people's expectations or your own, right?
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: We are infiltrated in social media of everything you should do, whether you are a business owner, where whether you have your own career, how to be a good daughter.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Both of us were sharing a lot of personal stuff right before we hit record in this interview.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I could share a personal story for me.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: I remember when I wanted to start my business, I had 10K in my savings.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom told me, she was like, you know, you can get a Mercedes.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I know I've shared this with you, Harpender.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you get a Mercedes because you need a new car.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was driving a truck at the time.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, I didn't.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: I just finished my master's and I went to hire a coach.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I drained my savings on it, hired the coach.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom was like, What's why did you do that?
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you could have gotten a Mercedes.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, she couldn't get over saying Mercedes like constantly to me.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was crying to her, and she's like, You really want this.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Yeah, because when I die, I'm not gonna be dying with a Mercedes.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be dying if I didn't live my truth.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what you're saying, living our truth.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: And also, I know Western society defines success as making X amount, doing so much, but what is success?
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: Are you aligning to what success means?
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like success to me, I've uh defined it to be able to go do yoga.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: Both me and Harpenter had a coaching session right before this, talking about how Harpenter loves doing vacations monthly.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_01: I do it quarterly, and it's different for each person.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's being able to just meditate and think and share the gratitude.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_01: And like we said earlier, what a privilege that we can do this because our basic needs are being met.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: It really is such a privilege that we have the ability to, and a burden at the same time, to recognize our trauma and to be able to create enough distance from it to be able to heal.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think about like my mom still being married to my dad, still being in that place of trauma, people living in worn, war-torn countries.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: How hard that must be not being able to heal if you're still in the place of being, being in a place of being harmed.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think for those of us that are able to gain distance from the things that have caused us harm and now being able to heal, one, yes, it is a burden.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a burden that we were like harmed or violated in the first place.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: But then now, what a gift that we get to heal from it.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I've heard this quote before like using our trauma to transform and to be able to actually transform, transform from it.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_00: Cause for me, like just all the stuff that's happened, like the domestic violence, bullying, sexual abuse, having to pay for myself to go to UCLA and at times really wondering, like, oh, can I buy lunch today?
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have$5 in my account?
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_00: To now being in this place of like my basic needs are met.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I am living in a in a place in a way where I'm so grateful for the things that I have.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I also recognize the part of me who I still have to nurture that was so worried about becoming homeless, that was so worried about not being accepted by those around me.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: And those parts of yourself and myself that have been harmed don't go anywhere.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're always there with us.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can we, through these practices for me, being yoga, asana, breath work, meditation, take time.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: To nurture and love those parts of me to tell myself, like, you're safe now.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't safe then.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so sorry someone couldn't keep you safe then, but I'm here now and I'm going to keep you safe.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that kind of goes back into like healing, not being linear.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: And at different times, those parts of yourself are going to be a little more triggered or traumatized.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then you now and me now, being this like fully grown, responsible, oh, responsible adult, we can take care of those parts of ourself.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I will be vulnerable and and I'm so grateful that therapy is a lot more accepted in this generation.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: I am so jealous, to be honest, in a good way, in a positive way.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, I remember when I started doing therapy when I was 18.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_01: I am now 34 because that was provided when I went to UC Irvine.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, even this past week, I realized, you know, I had a triggering event with my family.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized, oh my gosh, I grew up poor.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: My parents grew really poor.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: And and I knew that it wasn't for everyone, but I remember even asking my boyfriend this past, like literally on Sunday, hey, did your parents ever share with you that they couldn't eat some meals they had to skip?
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, they just worked a lot.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I thought it was normal for immigrant families to not eat or scared where food didn't come.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it it was just really interesting because as I was triggered and acknowledging how my parents grew up so poor, which I've always known, I'm like, oh, it made me come from a place of understanding and even more compassion.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, I've shared with my own family members I've gone to therapy.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: I still go to therapy and get shamed for it.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: Where I think about it, if my ancestors or even my own parents had the opportunity to do it, or just wouldn't grow up with the stigma of negativity with therapy, they would do it.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've been working with my therapist since I was 21.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is now my second therapist, but I'm 28 now.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: So for seven years, I've been speaking to a therapist weekly.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like seeing the mental illness that runs pretty rampant on um, I would say, both sides of my family.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: And knowing that that also came as a result of generational trauma came as a result of living in a country where Sikhs were persecuted for being Sikhs, where people weren't able to work or have enough money to pay to have their basic needs met.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then living in that way also where there is stigma around mental health and having problems and not being able to heal from it.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I think for us now, like back to where we started, like it's both a burden and a gift to be here, to have this awareness, to recognize all the trauma that has occurred through our different generations' lineation lineages, but now being able to heal from it.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: So both a burden and a gift, and being able to say it it ends with me.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll share this for those that have gone also going through their healing or still, I mean, we're always in the process of it.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: But a huge lesson that I've learned through my healing journey is you can heal yourself, but you're not responsible for healing others.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes I get frustrated like, why don't you go to therapy?
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_01: Why don't you do your healing?
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: That is up to them.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: And you have to be okay if they never do that, especially if it is people you love.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_01: But what you can do to be that, be better in that relationship you have with a person you love is that you could heal yourself.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: Heal yourself, set boundaries where you can.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I know as being children of for me, being a child of Punjabi Sikh parents, where boundaries between children and parents aren't really a thing.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um not in the Filipino culture either.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Continue.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: It can be hard.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it can be hard.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_00: It might even feel like alienating, where I've definitely had my parents where it seems like they think, oh, you're better than us.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're doing all this, and like, right?
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_00: And and I could share after you talk.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: Continue, Harpender.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where like we we can only heal ourselves, we can only change ourselves, we can only control ourselves.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then just coming back to, okay, I'm being currently triggered by say my mom or dad in this moment, as we were saying earlier, setting up a boundary and then going away to focus on yourself.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where working with someone, whether it's or having a few people that you that you work with.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I work with Elaine as my business coach, I have a therapist, I have three different yoga teachers that I'm currently training with or mentoring under, I used to have a personal trainer.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_00: We need people, we need a community and village of people that are doing their own healing work that you can surround yourself with so that when you do have to, and coming from a place of compassion where, say with my family, where like they aren't able to heal or they don't want to, where you're able to be there for them with compassion and empathy while at the same time keeping yourself a priority.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I can also share, like two weeks ago, I went home for a week and a half, and there was just fighting and screaming.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there one of the days I canceled one of my private client sessions.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I canceled because an earlier session, the people that I was teaching were like, oh, we can hear screaming in the background.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, and there is no place I could go into my home or my backyard where you couldn't hear screaming.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to cancel it.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just something I had to do.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: And also now in the future, knowing that maybe I can have client sessions when I go at home, when I go home, and where can I start to set up more boundaries?
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say, like being at home for a week, I definitely got more re-traumatized.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm now just trying to have a little more space between me and my family.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: I love my family more than when there's a distance.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: So for example, my parents are about an hour away, and mental illness runs in both sides of my family as well.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I joke around with my boyfriend with Albert.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I could get triggered and I might go crazy.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_01: But so this is why I got a therapy and heel because it's, I mean, not just spiritually, but even in our DNA.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like it could be in our genes and it could be triggered.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm being very mindful of that and making sure I'm doing the tools and resources to do it.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_01: And talking about war and everything happening with Ukraine, it was interesting because I didn't want to respond right away.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was like feeling it into my body.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, there is a generational trauma from this.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_01: And my grandfather died from war, tortured, and leave left my grandma to raise five kids as a single mother.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't learn this until after she passed, because she passed in March, where she had her own business.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_01: She did hair.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what?
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: But she was my third parent who raised me with my parents when I've known her since I was five.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: She was always telling me to go like do household chores.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was such a tomboy.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm not doing chores, I am not learning how to be a housewife.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: That is not my goal in life.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_01: Not saying there's anything wrong with it, but I was just really stubborn.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: And she suffered through mental illness.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, reflecting back, and I'm not blaming my parents, I don't know if they knew how to take care of it.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_01: And now going through my own healing, oh, this is probably what I would have done to advise my parents or my grandmother on what they could do for her.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_01: And even though I'm not the person that was traumatized through or as you know, I see it within my own mother and my own grandmother in terms of how they raised me and why it's so important to just work on it now and just stop.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_01: But, anyways, I know I could talk to you forever, Harpinger, but anyways, we always talk forever, anyways, since we are you're my client and we're friends.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_01: How can people find you?
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_01: What if people are so in love with you and they're like, I need to work with Harpinger, and what does that look like?
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if people have reached the end of this episode and love me, thank you.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have a problem, you have a problem, T2.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: Keep going.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, then that's your problem.
• 53:27
  unknown: Oh no.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, if people want to work with me, I offer a couple different ways, but I'll speak about the one now that's most, I guess I'm I'm opening up um applications for is a four-month mentorship.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is a four-month container where I'll be working with someone one-on-one.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this is either for someone who is, say, a yoga teacher themselves, that's wanting to work under, um, have that student-teacher relationship with someone that's been both teaching and practicing for close to a decade now that wants to understand what is yoga.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've only received like a 200-hour training in asana, and you're realizing maybe your own limitations in your own practice or what you're able to teach to your students because all you know is asana.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is also for people who currently love practicing yoga, but want to understand it in a way to honor the practice.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe like these students have only focused on the whitewashed part of yoga, the Lululemon, the core power yoga, and you want to learn from a South Asian teacher, how do I practice in a way that both honors myself, but honors this spiritual practice of yoga and understanding what it means to be a spiritual being.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's a four-month mentorship that I'm currently offering.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have space for two more people.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you would like to reach out to me about it to get some more information, feel free to DM me.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my Instagram is HarpinderManYoga.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just DM me, say you were interested in the four-month mentorship, and we can set up a phone call.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_01: And don't worry, I will put Harpinger's Instagram as well as her website on the show notes so you could DM her.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I will share from my experience being on the other side of it, where Harpinger has been a guest meditation teacher for two events.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_01: And what is so unique and different about Harpinger is because she's coming from the soul and essence of where yoga is from.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll share kind of this image.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: But I remember when you were doing leading a meditation for the last retreat where we were at the beach, and Harpinger was very particular, by the way.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I understood why after the fact.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, no, it has to be this time because of the sunset.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we started, there was light, and then the light was about to go out and go down to be dark.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_01: And Harpinger was just bringing us back to the present of seeing how beautiful it is to live in this world, to be in the present of how it just went from light to dark.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_01: And just no, I remember that.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then, and then I remembered that's why you're not crazy and why you needed it at a particular time.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, one of my mind things is definitely being particular.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, I mean, I'm so glad that you brought that up because that was such a special like moment for me as well.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like being able to guide everyone into after doing a bit of dance, some free-flowing movement into meditation, and then inviting everyone to come out and to have that focus of like, oh, as you were going down into meditation, take a look around at your surroundings, then you come out and it's it's become dark, and that transition from like day to night and how that happens every single day.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_00: But how can we have even more mindfulness about the fact that everything is changing and being able to appreciate that rather than moving from a place of fear?
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_01: So, and then because Harpenter's so amazing, um, by the time this airs, she would have done a third meditation retreat.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: And with that being said, Harpenter, you've worked with me for over a year through the mastermind, and now I just have my legacy lifestyle inner circle.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_01: Can you share with people who are listening who might be interested in wanting to work with me about how I am as a business coach and why you've continued to work with me?
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we've been working together now over a year, I think.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's been over a year now.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a number of reasons why I've continued to work with you, Elaine.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think you have a really like firm understanding of business and also have the like creative sense as well, like different ideas that we can implement.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_00: You have a team, you have Nicole, your mindset coach, you have Monica that does marketing.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you have a team behind you that helps like support us.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: I love having that container weekly where I get to meet other people in this container who are also growing their own businesses to be able to share our wins, to be able to share where perhaps we times we need to now grow from instead of maybe calling them failures.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I also find just like you being a woman of color and then having that shared background and having that shared sense of like how we grew up.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have worked with white coaches and it's not the same.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the same when you have someone of color that comes from, or should I I should say the global majority who comes from like the same background and just gets it?
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we were talking earlier about being raised poor and how that does then affect like all the other decisions that you make.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so, how can I have someone, a business coach who comes from that same background who actually teaches in a way where I can implement, who keeps me accountable, but not coming from a place of shame, not coming from a place of like, oh, you're not doing enough.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I find sometimes coaches are like, I'll teach you how to make um seven figures.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_00: But for themselves, they've had say mom or dad give them tons of money to create this thing.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, well, that's not really, we're not coming from the same place.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it's nice to have you as a coach, Elaine, where I feel like we share a similar backstory and seeing how successful you are in your own business and like how creating and maintaining relationships is a priority for you because it's a priority for me.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like my business for me is not about how much money I make, it's about how can I create, although let's be let's be real, like I still need to pay my bills.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but how's it a side effect?
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I say money is.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's a positive side effect.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_00: But how can I build like really beautiful relationships with people?
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been really wonderful to be able to build that with you, Elaine, and see you building that with other people and then also providing an example for me to do that with my students and clients.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you for that beautiful shout out, Harpinder.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if you guys are interested in working with me and my team, getting to even know Harpinder and that way you could apply through ElaineLu.com/slash inner circle.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_01: But before we go, as all of you know, we always end an episode with two questions.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_01: So, Harpinder, here's the questions.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_01: One is what is one reflective question people should ask themselves?
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_01: And what is one action item people can take from this episode?
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll start with the action item.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sit down and write down your three to five values because those serve as a great compass for how to move throughout life.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, we're listening to society, we're listening to our parents who might have a different worldview, who might have different values.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_00: So sit down, write down your three to five values, put it somewhere where you can see it every single day.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_00: Mine are attached to my monitor right there where I can see them.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: And a reflective question is am I making enough space, intention, and time to really care for myself?
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that might be a really difficult question.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it might have a possibility of bringing up a lot.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are wanting to have someone that's going to support you in that journey of like really taking care of yourself, understanding what that looks like from a yogic perspective, please DM me.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to support.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_00: Most of my clients are women of color.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to support you in that inquiry.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_00: I only serve as a very small part of anyone's healing journey.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_00: The only role that I can really play is a supporter, of teacher, but it's on you to take that first step to start to heal yourself, to start to understand am I truly taking care of myself?
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_01: And the beauty of it is when you're healing yourself, you can stop the generational trauma from moving forward.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_01: And like you were saying, what a privilege and what a burden.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_01: Harpinger, thank you so much for your time.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_01: I hope all of you both follow Harpinger on Instagram as well as DM her.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like she said earlier, she only has two mentorship spots, which I know will be taken very quickly.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_01: And more importantly, beyond this podcast episode, thank you for your light, Harpinger, in this world.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Elaine.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for supporting me over this over a year now for inviting me on to be on this podcast and giving me this platform to be able to share what a gift and an honor it is for me to do this work, to get to support students one-on-one and how much it transforms me, um, how much it gets me to have to focus on my own healing.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but thank you.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_00: This was so much fun.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_00: We could definitely talk for a couple more hours.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_00: We will not bore people.
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, this was this was a lot.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys loved Harpenter so much, go ahead and DM me on Instagram at ElaineLou underscore and be like, you need to bring her back.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_01: So that will be the test.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone, please DM Elaine immediately.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_00: Immediately.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Harpenter.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_01: How are you feeling, legacymaker?
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_01: Are you liberated, feeling seen, feeling all the feels?
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I hope you follow Harpenter and the work she's doing for the Woman of Color Summit.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, I'm just such a proud coach, mama, and absolutely love the work we do with our Collier Dreams Inner Circle clients because of the work and impact they're doing within their own communities.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_01: They're creating real legacies.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_01: So if you have a legacy you want to create in the world and you're an entrepreneur who's already making consistent income and you want to learn how to scale.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by scale is having a business aligned to the life you want.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_01: I would love for you to apply to my Collier James Inner Circle program.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's a 12-month program, a combination of both one-to-one and group coaching with two in-person retreats.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_01: So to learn more, you could go to elanelew.com forward slash inner circle.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_01: And to schedule a call, go to elanelew.com forward slash call.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I'll see you next Thursday for our newest Color Your Dreams episode.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to color your dreams to create your legacy.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_01: What were your biggest takeaways, your actions, and your gratitudes?
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_01: Want more of me and my team?
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_01: If you're curious about working with us, go to my website at ElaineLew.com slash call to schedule a call with me.
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_01: During this 30-minute complimentary get it done call, I'll provide you three action items towards your goals.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're not a good fit, I'll refer you to other people and resources because integrity is my number one value.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_01: All right, legacymaker, I'll see you next Thursday for our newest episode.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_01: Remember to call your dreams too.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_01: Create your legacy.