Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 612: NO CONTACT - Watch This If You’re BARELY Hanging On

Transcript

Episode 612: NO CONTACT - Watch This If You’re BARELY Hanging On · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  Today I want to talk about breaking no contact and what to
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  do if you are barely hanging in there and have a strong impulse
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  to break it. Which if you have an anxious
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  attachment style, you probably want to break it every single
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  day. And in this video I'm going to
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  give you a series of what I hope will be very convincing
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  arguments that will stop you from contacting your ex.
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  But first I want to welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
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  If you're having trouble in no contact, then be sure to
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  download my app, Silencio. The link is underneath every
• 0:44
  single video and podcast, and you can always press the panic
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  button if you get to that moment.
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  And if you two would like to join our beautiful no contact
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  army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the
• 0:57
  bell notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 1:01
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read two free chapters
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  before purchasing the book. So right now you're feeling that
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  you need to break no contact and you have your reasons for it.
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  You think that the more time that goes by, the more likely it
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  is that they'll forget you, or that they'll move on or find
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  find someone else. And that sounds logical, but
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  you're making the mistake that everyone makes when talking
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  about love and romance, and that is, you're using logic.
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  Logic and a romantic relationship have very little in
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  common. People make decisions based on
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  feelings, not logic. Because if it were based on
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  logic, you would have walked away when your ex broke up with
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  you, or when you were forced to break up with them because they
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  cheated. Or they took you for granted but
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  you didn't. So if you're not being logical,
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  what makes you think your ex is being logical?
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  Remember, they're made-up of ego and security and feelings too.
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  You haven't heard from them and yet you're still thinking about
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  them. So what makes you think they're
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  not thinking about you, since they haven't heard from you
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  either? We never know what's happening
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  behind the scenes. We only know what they show us
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  and what we hear about. It's like social media.
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  We've seen couples that we thought were in a great
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  relationship and the next thing you know, they break up.
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  So you never really know what's happening behind the scenes.
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  Remember that right now you're in a fearful state of mind.
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  Fear is not your friend. It rarely is.
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  It's coming from your primitive brain, which is only concerned
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  with your survival, and it wants you to reach out because it
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  thinks it's not going to survive if you don't.
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  You are literally not in your right mind.
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  You're not in your logical mind when you're in your primitive
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  brain, so it can't be trusted. Robert Green, the author of many
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  books including The Art of Seduction, says your desires
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  narrow the scope of your vision. So in your desire to get your ex
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  back, instead of being able to see things from afar with a
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  clear mind, you have a heightened focus on what you
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  want at that moment, which is to have contact with your ex.
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  As opposed to thinking long term and realizing that reaching out
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  is not going to help you achieve your ultimate goal, which is of
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  course to get them back. The immediate gratification of
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  fulfilling your desires becomes a primary goal, overshadowing
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  the long term consequences of breaking no content.
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  At that moment, you don't care. You just want what you want, and
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  you want it now. But your emotional state is
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  clouding your judgment and it's weakening your ability to
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  consider the potential and negative outcome of no contact.
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  That's why I tell my clients they need to let me decide what
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  they need to do because I'm not emotionally involved and I can
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  come from a place of logic and strategy, whereas they can't.
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  Also, you're impatient and when you're needy, your perception of
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  time actually changes. It appears to be moving very,
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  very slow. That's why you could be in no
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  contact for five days and it might feel like 5 weeks.
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  And you're impatient because you're looking for a validation
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  and security. You've had it before, before
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  with this person, and you want it back.
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  When we're attached to someone, the limbic system, which is
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  responsible for emotions and bonding, releases dopamine,
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  maintaining a craving for that person that you're bonded to,
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  that doesn't go away when they break up with you.
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  So the desire for emotional connection and reassurance
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  overrides the discomfort of feeling needy, prompting you to
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  take action or seek attention, which is what you're doing when
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  you want to break no contact. By the way, if you like what
• 5:40
  you've heard so far, please be sure to give this video a like
• 5:44
  so that you too will recommend it to other people, and we will
• 5:47
  help our fellow dumpies and even dumpers get back on track.
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  Okay. So impatience is what's going to
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  make you want to break no contact and reach out because
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  it's not happening on your timeline.
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  Well, it's not going to happen on your timeline, It's going to
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  happen on theirs. And if they're not ready,
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  they're not ready. And maybe if you had waited just
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  one more day, they would have reached out.
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  So every day when you wake up you should say to yourself,
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  maybe this is the day he or she is going to reach out.
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  In one of my previous videos I told the story of a woman who
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  was broken up with and when she broke no contact and spoke to
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  her ex, he said to her he was going to contact her the next
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  day. Imagine how she felt.
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  And then, because she gave her power away, even though they got
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  back together, she ended up having to break up with him this
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  time because she was so anxious since he was now in control as
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  she had broken no contact and reached out to him instead of
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  the other way around. So please keep that in mind when
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  you have a strong urge to break no contact.
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  Confidence is the number one quality that people look for in
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  a mate, whether they consciously know it or not.
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  So by not reaching out, you show that you're confident enough to
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  move on in life without them if they don't want you in their
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  life. However, by breaking no contact
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  and reaching out, you're showing them that you are not confident
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  and that you cannot move on in life without them.
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  And that's not an attractive message to be sending that is
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  not going to raise their interest level.
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  It will only lower it and boost their ego knowing that there's
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  someone walking around on earth that can't live without them.
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  Now you may be thinking, I want to contact him because I love
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  him. I want to contact her because I
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  love her. Knew you want to contact him or
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  her because you don't love yourself.
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  Because if you did, you wouldn't be chasing someone who kicked
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  you out of their life. Rejection triggers the impulse
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  to chase, just like dropping something triggers the impulse
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  to pick it up. Well, you should pick something
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  up if you drop it, but you should not chase someone who
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  injected you. And even if it feels like you're
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  not making any progress and like nothing happened, remember that
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  every day that goes by that you don't contact them.
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  You're showing them that you're strong enough to stay away and
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  that's where my Silencio app comes in.
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  Help handy? You can see your progress
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  because every day the number goes up and if you're tempted to
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  break no contact, you just hit the big red panic button and
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  you'll hear different messages from me giving you a very good
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  reason, very good reasons why you should not contact your ex.
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  So be sure to check out the link below the video or podcast.
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  So when you show strength by not reaching out, you're going to
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  trigger them to second guess their decision and wonder if
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  maybe they made a mistake. Now, in the beginning of no
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  Contact, you're going to feel like you're faking it.
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  You're acting strong, but you're not.
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  You know that you're walking around feeling weak.
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  Remember one time actually I had to break up with someone because
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  I felt he was cheating, but I remember I felt like physically
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  weak. Like you could have knocked me
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  over with a feather practically. So I totally understand, but
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  it's okay to be walking around feeling weak.
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  Just don't let your ex find out. When you're in no contact,
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  you're feeling a lot of emotion. You may be depressed and not
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  want to do anything. Keep in mind that depression has
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  been described as anger turned inwards.
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  So ask yourself what are you angry about?
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  Besides obviously being broken up with or having to break up
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  with someone and what are you going to do about it?
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  One solution is to remove the E from emotion and you're left
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  with motion. So moving your body being in
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  motion, it always helps. That's why I recommend working
• 10:34
  out or doing something physical. The body needs to move and it's
• 10:39
  going to help you take your mind off your X, even if it's just
• 10:41
  temporary. So if you're about to break no
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  contact, remember impatience is not your friend.
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  Your power is in waiting, Okay. So now I want to hear from you.
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  Have you broken no contact or have you been strongly tempted
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  to break it? Please comment below and if you
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  would like my help to stay in no contact or get your ex back or
• 11:08
  both, then you can contact me at theartoflove.net.
• 11:12
  The direct link is below and we will send you the rates.
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  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 11:19
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 11:21
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember that love
• 11:26
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.