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Trusting Your Body: Birth Prep, Postpartum & Realistic Expectations from a Prenatal Chiropractor · Twin Mom Life

• Riley Flaherty: each moment of twinhood is just it's wonderful and it's hard and all the things, but I think if you really like regulate your expectations, you enjoy it so much more. Jessielee Sittig: Hello and Welcome to the Twin Mom Life podcast. I'm your host, Jess. I created this podcast to help build community, connection, and most importantly, friendships among moms of multiples. Being a twin mom can be amazing and magical. That twin bond is unlike anything I've ever witnessed, but it can also be isolating and overwhelming. I'll be chatting with other twin moms, diving deep into the twin experience. giving advice on what works for us so you don't have to learn the hard way. Juggling two babies at the same time is challenging, but I'm confident we can learn from each other and figure out how to raise these babies together. Jess Sittig: hello, Riley. Welcome to the podcast. How are you doing today? Riley Flaherty: Hi. Good. How are you? Jess Sittig: I'm good. Thanks for coming on and spending some time with me on this lovely Tuesday morning. Like what day is it? Riley Flaherty: Yeah, it's great. I'm excited. This is awesome. Jess Sittig: Yes. Okay. So can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Riley Flaherty: Yeah, so I am a mom of three girls. My oldest is four. I have twins that will be three in September. my family and I we live right outside of Portland, Maine. And I stay h home part time with my my three girls and then the other part time I am a pregnancy and postpartum centered chiropractor. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: So fun. I can't wait to ask more questions about that. And Maine. I didn't realize you were in Maine. How beautiful. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, it's awesome. Well, I grew up here, my husband grew up here. It's really li it's like really lovely. It's hard in the winter 'cause it gets pretty gray, but summers are perfect. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Hmm. Yeah, so you're living your best life right now in summertime. I love that. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, it's awesome. And they honestly will be this way until like probably October and then it's just like, All right, back to the winter months. Yeah. Yeah. Which is nice, honestly. But yeah. Jess Sittig: Yep, that's how we are too. Yeah, like an extended summer. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I agree. It's always hard to know what Halloween is gonna look like if it's going to be cold Riley Flaherty: Yes. Jess Sittig: or still hot. Riley Flaherty: Yes, I know. Like two Halloweens ago it was like eighty degrees here and we were all like, do we wear short sleeves? Like what's happening? Yeah, exactly. Jess Sittig: Right. Messes up your costumes for sure. Well, before we dive into it today, do you have plans to fill your cup or have you done so yet today? Riley Flaherty: Yeah, so actually this morning I I actually sat down and ate breakfast, which was crazy because normally I'm I hate breakfast. I like am I'm not a breakfast person and I honestly I actually really hate eggs and for whatever reason that is like the only thing I feed my kids in the morning because protein. But I actually sat down and ate some eggs with them and like had a whole breakfast which was quite lovely. I don't ever get to sit down and eat breakfast. Yeah. Jess Sittig: That is so nice. I feel like that's one thing I'm really working on is like trying to sit and eat and not like people will be like, Can you fill my water Riley Flaherty: Stand and hover. Jess Sittig: bottle? Can you? And I'm like, no, I'm gonna eat and then I can do that after. And it's hard because I feel like when you have littles, everybody needs you at all times. So I love that. That you actually Riley Flaherty: Yeah, totally. Jess Sittig: got to like sit down and enjoy your food. I, my husband and I like are opposites in this. I like my food. hot. Like I want to burn my tongue. Like I Riley Flaherty: yeah. Jess Sittig: think that it just like tastes better. It's more flavorful. And my husband is totally fine with a lukewarm meal. And I'm like, no, that is, I can't stand that. So it also Riley Flaherty: No. Jess Sittig: for me like I want to eat my food hot. And I feel like that's starting to happen a little bit more as the kids get older. So I love that. Sitting down Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: while you're eating is big. And that's a big memory growing up. of my mom always standing and eating in the kitchen. Like, come sit with us. Like what's Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: so I love that. I think that's a good reminder for everyone to like sit and eat your food if you can. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, it i it really is. Like actually like we recently just got a new kitchen table that actually has five seats. Before it was just four seats, which it sounds so silly because it's like, why would we have purchased that? but this was before we got twins on the second go. So, it was either like my husband and I or that would be like standing. We'd be like, Do you want to stand tonight or do you want me? So yeah. Jess Sittig: We actually have the exact same situation where we bought like a four-person table before we got pregnant with twins. And then for a while Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: it worked because they were in high chairs. So we would Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: just like pull up their high chairs. And now we are pulling over a bar stool, which is just awkward because you're at like a bar stool height, like trying to eat. Yeah. We just need a new table. So maybe this is like a Riley Flaherty: Yes. We did the same. Like hunched over trying to eat. Yeah. Yeah, we did the same thing. Jess Sittig: Good reminder to talk to my husband after after this. We need a yes, we we are a family of five. So we had Riley Flaherty: This is this is the wake up call. You guys need five seats. Yeah. Jess Sittig: the exact same situation where we have a singleton first. And I think the ages are spot on. Well, no, your daughter, how old is your daughter? Riley Flaherty: So she's four. Jess Sittig: Okay. Riley Flaherty: but I think your daughter's like she's a little bit older, isn't she? Yeah. But how old Okay. Jess Sittig: She is, yeah, she's six. So my boys are three and yeah, my boys turned three very recently, in June. Riley Flaherty: Nice. Jess Sittig: And then my daughter is almost six and a half. So Riley Flaherty: My gosh. It goes so fast, man. It's insane. Jess Sittig: She starts first grade next week. I know. I'm like, Riley Flaherty: It's so crazy. you guys are early. Jess Sittig: we do. Our summer started the end of May, like almost mid-May. It was nice Riley Flaherty: that's really nice. That's really nice. Jess Sittig: because, you know, but it is weird because most schools go back to sep go back in September. So Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: yeah, we go back kind of early, but I'm trying to Riley Flaherty: my gosh. Wow. Jess Sittig: think. I'm trying to think for me. And then we have to talk about the sibling twin dynamic before we like hop into everything. So for Riley Flaherty: yeah. Yeah, I would love to know your how with ha 'cause having all three girls is like Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: Sister Dynamic Man is challenging, but I w I am interested to know how the gender differences are yeah. I mean I'm Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: sure it's just as rowdy in your home that it is in mine. Like does she like Jess Sittig: I would say I I would say Riley Flaherty: hold them together? Like is she like guys? Like you need to be following directions. Jess Sittig: Okay, I have a funny story about that actually. So my boys are still in cribs. I feel like we talked about this like via Instagram DM. So my boys are still in cribs. We are Riley Flaherty: Ma yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. yes. Yeah. Jess Sittig: fighting for our lives to keep the cribs going because they have been able, right? Like Riley Flaherty: As you should. Yes. Jess Sittig: I am scared for the two of them in big boy beds with like unlimited access to everything in their room. Yes, yes. Riley Flaherty: Full range emotion? No. Get those bug nets, put them over the top, Jess Sittig: Yes, I think that's what we were talking about. Okay. So Riley Flaherty: secure them in. Yes. Yeah. Jess Sittig: they have been in cribs. They have been able to climb out for months. And they don't do it often. Like we went through a phase where I was like, my gosh, like I think we're gonna have to transition. We actually bought those. It's like almost reminds me of like, yeah, like a bug net that you put yes, that you put over the Riley Flaherty: Yeah, they like go under the mattress. Yes. Yeah. Jess Sittig: under the mattress and it goes over the crib so that they just Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: physically can't climb out. It's like mesh. So we did Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: purchase those and then actually never ended up using them because they like stopped getting out of their bed. So they I know it we were we Riley Flaherty: Yeah. They're like, sh they're serious. They're purchasing the gear Jess Sittig: were ready. We were ready to go there. And then so they're they're doing fine. They're still in the cribs. It's fine. So maybe like literally this week maybe three days ago, my daughter's like, I would very much like to have a sleepover with my brothers. And I know it was really sweet. And we were like, well, Riley Flaherty: that's really sweet. But you're also like mm. Jess Sittig: like thinking through the logistics. Like, well, they are in Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: cribs and their first night out of the crib is not going to be a sleepover. Like that's not how. So my husband and I were talking and we're like, okay, this is our solution. You can sleep in their bed or in their bedroom while they sleep in their cribs and we can make like She has like a mat bed that she used for preschool. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: So we're like, you can sleep essentially on the floor in their rooms. Okay. And then at a certain point, like if you guys can't settle down, then we'll have to separate and like you'll have to go back into your room. So they're all in there. They're doing good. They're like talking, which we expected. And then my daughter, Kaya, is like, okay, everybody, it's time to go to sleep. Lights out and be quiet. Like she's super serious. And they will not stop. They're Riley Flaherty: my gosh. Jess Sittig: just like, So then finally my daughter walks out and comes to me and says, the sleepover's over. I'd like to go to bed in my own room. Riley Flaherty: She's like, I cannot handle. They will not fall asleep. Jess Sittig: She's like, they are too loud. Like they typically do that for like honestly at this point almost an hour. They but they're happy. They're just like talking. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, whatever. Jess Sittig: You know, the funniest things is like listening to their conversations. They're like, I'm Spider-Man. No, I'm Spider-Man. Riley Flaherty: It's so sweet. Jess Sittig: she like she is like their leader. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. But that's so great though. I mean that's the oldest child too. Like she's and oldest female, like, man. Jess Sittig: Sure, yeah. Yeah. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, she's just trying to keep everybody in line. That's awesome. Jess Sittig: there are so many times where I'm like, Kaya, thank you so much for your help. I am the mom. I've got this. Like you go play and I will handle the correction or whatever, you know. Yes, like you don't have Riley Flaherty: Yeah, totally. Like you don't have to be like the parent here. Yeah. Jess Sittig: to do that. She also recently, you know, also over summer, they've had so much more time together because typically when she was in kindergarten. Like she's already at school by the time they're waking up. School starts at 7 30, which is so early. I know it's 7 30 Riley Flaherty: So really. Jess Sittig: to 3. It's like a a hard schedule. So by the Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: time that my boys are up, she's already at school. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, she's she's well and gone. Jess Sittig: And then, you know, they're waking up from their nap at four and then she's home. So they're getting just the evenings together. So all summer they have been Riley Flaherty: My gosh, they wake up at four from nap. Jess Sittig: They sleep like, yeah, like 1:30 to 4, Riley Flaherty: What time do they go to bed? Jess Sittig: like 8. I know. It's super weird. I know. They have like a, I love it. So Riley Flaherty: my g no. I mean honestly, that's incredible because Jess Sittig: my son, Wyatt, I Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: have never seen a baby or a toddler with the sleep needs that he has. He will ask me, like, is it nap time? Is it, can I go lay down? I've never, Riley Flaherty: Ha ha ha. Jess Sittig: never had a kid like that. My other son Wayland, he'll like take it or leave it. A lot of times nap time is like we're hanging out and Wyatt Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: is sleeping. But yeah, they have like a really long wake window in the morning and then Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: nap and then kind of a shorter wake window in the evening. But Riley Flaherty: My gosh, my my girls are I actually don't think any of my kids have s high sleep needs. No one no one needs sleep in this house but me. They're like Jess Sittig: Ha ha ha Riley Flaherty: my kids are I I actually fear for like junior high and high school because our I'm like, are you gonna try to climb out the window and like leave the vicinity? Be they they are partiers. Like they're up all night. I'm like, why? Like, you know what's cool? Sleep. Jess Sittig: Sleep. Mm-hmm. Sleep is a privilege and a good thing. one time my Riley Flaherty: Let's do that. Totally. Jess Sittig: husband was like, I don't know, you know, like when you get upset, you just like kind of like word vomit a threat. And he was Riley Flaherty: yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: like, if you can't settle down, you're gonna have to go to bed early. And I was like, do not use sleep as a threat. That is a privilege. Yes. Riley Flaherty: No. No. Especially in your house. My kids are like, absolutely not. Do not send me to bed. Jess Sittig: Okay, so what's the dynamic like for you having three girls? Riley Flaherty: So it's interesting because so like growing up, I have an older brother and younger sister. and my s younger sister and I like were never really that close. So like I didn't really have that like growing up like sister dynamic. We're very close now, but we didn't have we just weren't that close. And so our girls are very, very close. And mean, they're close in age too. Like they're only sixteen months apart. So Jess Sittig: That's wild. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, it was I mean, i honestly I always tell people I'm like we were so naive when we were trying to have another week we were like, 2002, like that's so much easier. Like we w we would always be like, it's just easier to have them close together. And but then it was not. Jess Sittig: Yeah. I'm like trying to do the math. So hold on. How how old was your daughter when you got pregnant with twins? Riley Flaherty: She was nine months. So I only had the twins like three weeks early. Yeah, I was Jess Sittig: That's I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. Riley Flaherty: too. My husband, I seriously thought he was gonna have a stroke. We had the so our, this is like a side Jess Sittig: No Riley Flaherty: side story over here, but like my so when I got pregnant, I had so I don't know if you well, because are your boys mono-di too? Okay, okay, but they're identical, Jess Sittig: No, they're di-di Mm-hmm. Riley Flaherty: yes. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Riley Flaherty: Okay, cool. That's so it's so incredible to me. Like the whole like that's so cool. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I I know. It's so interesting. Riley Flaherty: So our girls are mono di and I I didn't know this. And this also might have happened to you. I don't know. when when I was like four weeks pregnant with them, I I had a lot of bleeding and like severe bleeding. And so I was like, Jess Sittig: Hmm. Riley Flaherty: like I'm probably having a miscarriage and I w you know, obviously was sad, but I was like, okay, like maybe we should just go to the ER just to like confirm that that's what's going on because I didn't really like want to go to work the next g like I was like, I don't wanna go to work and Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: like do this, you know, whatever. So we go in and I'm like just like kinda like not really knowing what to expect. They had I had maybe I had I for whatever reason, I I even though I was still I was really early on, I had My oldest, when I had her, I had a like a high risk delivery. So I think I had to go in early with the twins to get lab work done. So I had when I went to the ER, I had actual like comparative values. So when they had Jess Sittig: Mm, okay. Riley Flaherty: done my lab work, they could see how much my like HC my HCG levels were. But the ER doc that was there was like, well, let's just do a bedside ultrasound. Like, even though you're four weeks, like if we don't see anything, like whatever, like we'll just try. And so they did and honestly I didn't even think that they were gonna it's like four weeks is so early to see a heartbeat that I Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: was like, we're not even whatever. So he like but his like specialty was like ultrasounds randomly. So the physician's doing the ultrasound and he's like, like we see a heartbeat so like I'm sobbing because I'm like okay like Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: we're like we're not miscarrying. And he was like, wait, like what's that? And there was a resident with him too. And he was like, and I was like, Can I see? And Jess Sittig: What's that? Riley Flaherty: they're like, No, like we can't show you and my husband was like in the back and his eyes were like, my gosh Because you could see like a flicker here and then a flicker here and they were like, Yep, that looks like twins and we both were like, Wait, wa wait, what? And they were like, Well, we can't confirm because We're t like technically like all you're here for is to like make sure that you're safe and whatever. So we had to wait another five weeks to confirm that they were actually twins because like vi yeah, because at nine weeks, I guess that's when you can check for like viability and whatnot. So basically my husband had convinced himself he's like they were seeing things. So he goes into our like our first ultrasound, like he's like, it's not gonna be twins. And I'm like, well, it's for sure twins. So Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: we walk in and they this lady, this like really Russian ultrasound tech, was like, Yep, it's twins. And he was like shocked. Like he had never heard this information before. But I seriously thought Jess Sittig: It's so funny. Riley Flaherty: in the hospital he was gonna like have a stroke. Apparently when the egg divides, you can get a lot of bleeding. so yeah, so that was yeah. Jess Sittig: Yeah, that's so that's what they think it was. Just like because with with my boys, I had some implantation bleeding. So I had a weird Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: story. I'll do like a super short version of it. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I and this is like TMI a little bit, but like the I guess there's no TMI, you know, but it's like kind of okay. Riley Flaherty: Is it though like once once you do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: So when my daughter was two and a half, we decided, okay. Let's try for one more baby. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I got my IUD taken out and then I never had a period. So yeah, it was super weird. So I was like, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: we're I got my IUD out so we could try to have a baby. Like I want to track ovulation and like let's get this going, you know? Riley Flaherty: Hard to do that. Yeah. Jess Sittig: And I had two miscarriages before my daughter and I have a blood clotting disorder. So I was kind of prepared for like maybe it to take a while. So Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: I started taking an ovulation test and it immediately showed positive. And I was like, that that is the math isn't mathing here either. So Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: then I took a pregnancy test and it was like immediately pink, but I had been spotting. So I was like, but not it was not severe. I yeah, I was Riley Flaherty: You're like, what is even happening? Jess Sittig: like, what is hap I was seriously so confused because I'm like, I thought maybe like The spotting was like a weird first period because I had my IUD for like since I had my daughter. So I had an IUD for like two years. So I was like, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I don't know, maybe my body is like confused. I don't know what's happening. So Riley Flaherty: Totally. Yeah. Jess Sittig: any other time that I'd gotten pregnant, I'm literally like looking at the test, like, is it pink? You know, and this is like immediately two dark pink lines. So it was just wild. But I also had bleeding with my twin pregnancy. also had bleeding with my daughter's pregnancy, which was terrifying after two losses. But with hers, I had a subcorionic hematoma. So yeah, it's like a blood clot like Riley Flaherty: yeah yeah yeah. Yes. Jess Sittig: in between your placenta or something. Riley Flaherty: Yep. Yeah. Jess Sittig: and that bleeding was at 16 weeks, which which was very scary. But everything was fine. It was just like the the like the blood clot dissolving essentially. And then with Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: the boys it was just implantation bleeding. So I had never Heard of it people having like severe bleeding. So that must have Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: been scary. And then to be in the ER and hear that news, you're like, wait, what? Riley Flaherty: They were like we left the hospital and we didn't even look at each other. We were just like, But I don't even know where we go from here. We were like s I I don't know. It w yeah, it was crazy. We I actually I had bleeding in my oldest too the entire time. Which actually hurt Jess Sittig: really? Riley Flaherty: yeah, 'cause I had I had bacterial vaginosis with her, which like once you get it, because it's the change in your vaginal canal Jess Sittig: Sure. Like mm-hmm. Riley Flaherty: the pH like once it changes, it just is so hard to get rid of. And Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: so I had continuous light bleeding with her. But with her at five months, I had a placental abruption and c but I I everything was fine. I ended up having more bleeding at the end and I that's why I went into the hospital and they induced me a month early with her and the only reason they knew that I had my abruption early was because my placenta actually grew a whole other artery source to supply for her. It was the craziest thing. Yeah. Jess Sittig: wow, that's incredible. Riley Flaherty: I know. You know and this is the part like I always tell people, I'm like you really just like have when you're pr when you become pregnant and like if you're trying to to do the pregnancy journey and motherhood, you just have to have the most amount of trust in your body to Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: just do the things. Because I think about her pregnancy and I'm like, she could be the most unhealthy kid and we could have so many complications because of the like lack of supply. But my body, because I treat my body well, like it just did the things it needed to do to provide for her. And I just think that's one of the coolest things ever. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: yeah, it's just like it's so crazy. But then with the twins, like the bleeding with them was like so more severe. Like it was like two maxi pads a day of blood. And I was like, Jess Sittig: my gosh. Riley Flaherty: this doesn't feel good. But yeah, I don't know. I'm like it it's just crazy. So yeah, no, they the that ER ER visit was like insane. My husband was like, I I seriously thought I was gonna have to bring him in. I was like, should we get him a room or like anyone else checking on my husband? Is he okay? Jess Sittig: That is like a major mind F when you're going into the emergency Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: room thinking that you're having an awful miscarriage. And then to find out that you're actually pregnant with twins and everything's healthy, you're like, wait, what? What just happened? Yeah, like what do you mean? I do Riley Flaherty: You're like, how do you even feel? It's so crazy. Yeah. Jess Sittig: love the advice of trusting your body. So Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I will say, like, with the boys, I felt more confident because I had a successful pregnancy. But when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was terrified. I would not let anyone Riley Flaherty: It's scary. Jess Sittig: buy anything. Like I was scared. And I listened to, I wish I could remember. I don't know if it was on the Calm app or if it was like a pregnancy specific app, but I would listen to like meditations weekly. And it would they Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: were so helpful. I'll try to find this because I feel like this could be helpful for someone. And I actually kind of forgot I did this until like this conversation. But like Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: every week it would be like, It would tell you what's happening. Like the baby is growing, I don't know, eyeballs. Riley Flaherty: yeah. What app yeah, I had an app that was like that too. Jess Sittig: It was great. And it and so it would give you the factual information, like this is what's happening in your body this Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: week. And also like your body was made for this and kind of like giving Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that positive spin. Because after my second miscarriage, I got diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder. So then I was on blood thinners. And that was like the secret sauce to have a healthy pregnancy. And then Riley Flaherty: Right. Yeah. Jess Sittig: But I I love that. Like trusting trusting your body. Like that's I think moms need to hear. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, you just have to like and yeah, it I also like totally believe that for delivery and labor too, because I think when you go into that space, it's like you really have to have some deep trust in yourself to be like, Am I gonna be able to mentally get myself through this? 'Cause it's a scary Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: place. Like when you start to have pain, it's like it's not Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: you're like, I don't know, am I gonna just explode? Like Jess Sittig: Yeah, that's what it feels like. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Riley Flaherty: At some point it kind of feels like that. Like you're like, Am I just gonna so I don't know. I mean you really you have to have your trust in yourself and your baby. Like every there's some intuition on both sides where it's like like I and I think that's actually really hard too because I feel like a lot of people would be like, You're a mom, trust your gut. And that's a lot of pressure. Like that's a lot of pressure. But I also think that trust your kids too, because Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: They are falling like you guys are on the same frequency. And especially when you're one. It's yeah. So I always say that like my oldest and I had like a super connection where we were like just working together to get her out because she did great. I did great in the and like it was it was awesome. Like I had a really lovely delivery with her, even though she was thirty-six weeks like on the dot. She did great there's so many things that go into delivery and whatnot, but yeah. Jess Sittig: Well, and on that token, I know that we wanted to talk about birth prep. So Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: do you have like special tips that helped you? I know that you had a vaginal delivery with your daughter and then a C-section with your twins. So maybe Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: can we talk about like the different preparations that you recommend in pregnancy? And are they different for a vaginal delivery versus a C-section? And then I know we'll we'll dive into that too, but but prep Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: wise. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. with my line of work, I my my biggest things are just like gearing the body, like preparing the body for the best outcome postpartum. So I think there is so much that applies even if you're gonna have a vaginal delivery versus a C section, which is like keeping core stability and Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: I mean, when you're pregnant, your core essentially, I mean, it's ripping in half. So a lot of like to say it night like l lightly, I guess, I don't know, but you lose so much of that neurological connection to actually be able to control your core and most of the stuff that it's it's it's almost like you're controlling a pressure cooker, essentially, is kinda how I explained it. Because Really a lot of abdominal control is press like pressure gauge essentially. Like you're increasing and decreasing your interabdominal pressure to be able to control your your abs. And so a lot of the things that I teach is like being able to properly control the breath so that you know how to turn certain muscles on, teaching how to down regulate. the pelvic floor because a lot of people think that delivery and this doesn't matter if it's C-section or a vaginal delivery. I mean it applies a lot to a vaginal delivery, but a lot of times people think you have to have like the strongest pelvic floor. It's you have to actually learn how to control it. Jess Sittig: Hm. Riley Flaherty: when you're having contractions, a lot of people will like tighten up. and they will hold on. What you wanna do is like really like let go and be able to let baby's head go further into cervix to dilate. So I do I a lot of the prep work is pretty similar. and then as far as like if I if somebody is knows they're gonna have a C section, I I basically talk to them about, you know, the breath work of what it looks like afterwards. And then some like neuro regeneration, like neuroeducation on trying to get your core to kinda like start to have feeling again. something I feel like a lot of like n I you don't really get this from your OB, but you want to use like light touch over your your section scar after a few weeks to increase that the nervous system and like sensory to the area. So like clean makeup brushes, like q tips, cotton swabs, like different types of textures to the area to increase the the nerve flow there. for so many reasons because even, you know, if you're if you want another baby, if like periods are awful, like with all that scar tissue in there. you know, for Perimenopause, bernapause, like it it becomes really challenging when you have a lot of scar tissue. I mean it's seven layers of tissue. So you can't you have to also remember that it's like not just the external scar, you have like internal scars. So a lot of massage work and fascial work goes into that. so just talking about when I when I when I do C section prep, it's like talking about what to expect. and Tips and tricks in the hospital for getting out of bed and what you'll kinda need. but they really do look pretty similar as far as like how to regain core stability and like pel and general like pelvic function again. yeah. Jess Sittig: It's really interesting. I, you know, I've heard a lot about pelvic floor and core strength and stuff, but I haven't heard anyone talk about it the way that you are in regard to like the neuro functioning of that. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: It's very interesting. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, I mean I think people the the nervous system can sound very like woo-woo for people and honestly I do think that there is such a stigma about people talking about like inflammation and nervous system control and all that. But the nervous system isn't like a made up place. Like it's very much so there. It's just hard to visualize because you don't n you don't see it and and really it's it's nerve function that helps the muscle do its job. So but one of the things, man, when I came into this this work, one of the things was I was watching this video. I can't even remember what it was on. It must have been like TikTok or something. But it was talking about somebody was talking about doing Kegels during pregnancy and I was like, my gosh, we should stop. We should just stop. Let's not like it's just it's it's all about learning how to control. It's all about control. You could have if you don't have proper strength, if you don't have proper down regulation, like you're not gonna be able to control. So and I and I really do believe, because I you hear all the time people talk about how like baby got stuck in pelvis. And a lot of that is like your inability to be able to like control the area. And I shouldn't say inability. It's like if you don't have proper control of the area, then baby's not gonna they're so intuitive. Like they're not going to place themselves correctly. Or, you know, like maybe your soft tissue is is is creating an improper alignment essentially. So And and that is a huge part that it goes into it. But I I I do think that there I mean, I do think that there are times where a baby can get stuck in certain situations Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: depending on like shoulder placement and whatnot. But I do think a lot of it also has to do with like how we're treating that area, you know. Jess Sittig: Yeah, absolutely. It's so interesting that you were talking about like you're not a fan of kegels. I had Dr. Betsy on recently, and she is a pelvic floor therapist. And Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: that was like a big thing that she was talking about. Is like they got really Riley Flaherty: Yeah, she's Jess Sittig: trendy. It's like just do a bunch of kegels. And she was like, she used the analogy of like, Yes, it's good to learn how to tighten those muscles, but you also need to know how to release them. Like when you're doing a bicep, you don't just walk around with your arm curled the whole time, right? Like Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: that wouldn't be beneficial. So she was talking Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: about that a lot. And I I thought that was really informative because I feel like I mean, I I wish that I would have done a better job in birth prep in general, because the course I took at the hospital was like nothing. It was like Take deep breaths. Like it wasn't like anything that was actually helpful. Yeah. I was like, thanks for Riley Flaherty: They're like, you can do brave things. You're like, thank you. Jess Sittig: like I yeah, like I need practical tips. I need you to tell me what to do. Like X, Y, Z, put your foot here, do this. Like, I need Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: that level of instruction, which is great because Dr. Betsy has courses on birth prep and stuff, which I think is so helpful. But with Riley Flaherty: yeah. Jess Sittig: my delivery with my daughter, so I knew that there was dilation. And you have to be at a 10 to push and you have to be 100% effaced. But I didn't understand what's it called? Like the positions or the stages of where their head is. Yes. So Riley Flaherty: like plus one plus like yes, yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: with my daughter, I tensed up a lot and I didn't have the knowledge of like breathing through that pain or Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: the practical tips to like manage my pain. Even with the epidural, I feel like I was very tense. So I was, I was 10 centimeters dilated. 100% effaced, but they were like, your baby's head is nowhere ready. And I was like, What? Like I yeah, I was like, This is Riley Flaherty: Like how what does that even mean? Jess Sittig: a third level that I never understood. So it's Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: just interesting how you're bringing that up. And I'm kind of like, all of my gears are like, okay, I I wasn't prepared like with the level of tension in my body. I hadn't done any pelvic floor work, except maybe doing keggles, because that's what I heard, like. When you're at a stoplight, Riley Flaherty: Right. Jess Sittig: do kaggles while you're brushing your teeth, do kaggles. And it's like that isn't necessarily the answer. Riley Flaherty: No. Yeah, I always just tell people it's all about control. And my thing really, like my thing with doing the type of work that I do is really just giving people the ability to feel like they're in control. Because nothing's worse than when you're in labor and you're like, I don't know what to do. And you're relying Jess Sittig: Hmm, yeah. Riley Flaherty: on like external like I mean obviously you're at the hospital, like they're there to help you. But you're relying on other people. Like for me, I am a control freak. Like I need to know what I can do to be productive. So that that's the thing. Like I I mean, I even tell my patients, I'm like, look, like if you're in the pushing phase and you're like, you have an epidural or you don't or whatever, you're trying to figure out how where am I pushing? Like what what's Is this productive whatever? I I literally tell them I'm like just tell your OB to push into like into your vaginal canal, push into the muscles and say this is where you need to be pushing into. Because Jess Sittig: Hm. Riley Flaherty: being able to have that visual and that like feedback is so important. And I think there's also just so much new like newer information on delivery and pelvic health that I just don't think that people are keeping up. on either. So and the job of the OB is to get you like to keep you and baby healthy. Like they're they don't necessarily specialize in birth prep. They're that's not like that's Jess Sittig: Sure, right. Riley Flaherty: not their job, which is fine. But like I think as a whole we just have to get better about figuring about giving people proper resources. And Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Riley Flaherty: that that's like my biggest thing is like I just want people to feel like they were in control. And that's why I even like I said this to you before was that with C section work I'm like just if it's a non emergent and you can say like, hey guys, can we just slow this process down a little bit? Like I know like I'm obviously open on a table here, but let's just like take a step back and like let me breathe. And with C section, like you can do delayed cord cutting. I don't think the data on it though, like a lot of people think about delayed core cutting. I don't know if you did that with your with your boys, but yeah. Jess Sittig: The I wanted to and I I feel like I've heard things about this too, is like, you know, two minutes isn't delayed cord clamping. Like you should wait until the the placenta stops pulsing. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. The data's so mixed on it. Jess Sittig: And it's like everything was fine with my delivery with the boys, but there was more urgency when my baby B was born. Like he swallowed amniotic fluid and Riley Flaherty: that's yeah I Jess Sittig: so I think it was just like a quick, like Baby A was handed to me, baby B was not. Baby B was taken like to the nurses Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: to like, you know, quickly make sure he was breathing. yes. So Riley Flaherty: Totally like suctioned and whatnot. Yeah. Jess Sittig: so no, there wasn't. I think with my maybe baby A. So my my boys are seven minutes apart. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: And so I think he had delayed because I this was also interesting. I was like, so am I gonna birth baby A? And then the placenta and then baby B and the placenta and she no, it's right. I was like mind blown. Riley Flaherty: I never they just take all of it out at once? Jess Sittig: It's baby A and then baby B and then both placentas. So essenti yes, Riley Flaherty: Which I that makes sense, but Jess Sittig: but in my head I was thinking like they they're di-di So like I thought Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: it would be baby then placenta, baby placenta, Riley Flaherty: Right. Jess Sittig: but it's babies and then placentas. So essentially baby A Riley Flaherty: Crazy. Jess Sittig: had delayed cord clamping because it was over seven minutes of from when it was cut. Where baby Riley Flaherty: Yes, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I mean, baby B was probably like thirty seconds 'cause it seemed more urgent. So Riley Flaherty: yeah, and the thing is too is I think that the data that they use in the hospital honestly is like there's so much mixed data on all of that stuff, whether it does I don't really have much to say on that other than like there's mixed data on it. but I don't think anything really like wrong comes from keeping them attached. but with C section they will do delayed cutting. only up to two minutes though. and we did that with my girls and I and it really did I feel like help slow things down because with my oldest, like I had it was a full like twenty four hour delivery, which honestly for first time and early delivery was like I'll do that every day. but I felt like when I was laying there I was like, man, I was like they're already out. Like I was like, all right, Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: well, what's next? Like I kind of was like I and I I just love honestly I say this all the time, I would be a surrogate every day of my life. Like I just loved birth and delivery. I thought it was just the coolest thing ever. So I don't know if I'm like an adrenaline junkie or something and I need the fix, but I was like, All right, what's next? Jess Sittig: Will tell you, okay. I don't know if I could say the same thing about pregnancy, but I do enjoy Riley Flaherty: yeah. Jess Sittig: giving birth. Like I Riley Flaherty: Yes. Jess Sittig: had a very good experience with my daughter for the most part. I feel like nothing is perfect, but I felt the Riley Flaherty: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: same way. I was like eager and excited to attempt a vaginal delivery with my twins. And I'm very Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: thankful that things were smooth. I had a little bit more like weird. Side effects with my boys. like my epidural made me extremely nauseous and and things like that. But I agree, I did, I do like that process. And I know we Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: wanted to dive into this. Like, I know you had your singleton first with a vaginal delivery, and then Riley Flaherty: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jess Sittig: your twin girls with a C-section. So I know you're kind of talking about that process and how it was like shockingly fast. So Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Can you tell us a little bit more about that and then how you feel like that changed your postpartum recoveries? Riley Flaherty: Yeah, so I I feel like with my oldest it was pr I mean, pretty easy recovery. I didn't have an epidural with her, so I do think that that also played into like there was no Jess Sittig: And you pushed for five hours. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, you know, here's the thing was like I actually I like was not worried about contractions. Like I was like, okay, there will be like a little bit of a reprieve. Like I e even if it's like twenty seconds, like I'm like, at least we know that like okay, I can breathe normally for like that amount of time and we'll just keep doing this. When I got to the pus like the pushing phase, I was like I was like, maybe we could do an epidural and our the nurse I had was like, ma'am, It wasn't like that it wasn't like I didn't have the time. Like she was like, We can do this, but she was like, You're gonna fall asleep and then you're not gonna Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: like we're gonna end up in a C section because it's gonna be too long from when your water was broken. So and Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: and my mom was in the room with us, with my husband and I and my mom and I are very close, like her and I have a very good dynamic, which I will say that I think when you have like mothers in the room, like you really have to be on like a good Jess Sittig: Yeah. I Riley Flaherty: Yeah, frequency with that. Jess Sittig: I had my mom with me too with my singleton. And then after I had my updural, I invited my mother-in-law too, which was like a very different experience Riley Flaherty: So much fun. Jess Sittig: from it was amazing. Like, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: and I my daughter is a COVID baby. So I had her in February of 2020. And then like three Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: weeks later, everything got crazy. So I'm so thankful that I got that experience. Yeah. And Riley Flaherty: Nuts. That you had that experience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: my mother-in-law is a nurse. So she was like, This is awesome. Like Riley Flaherty: She was totally in it. That's awesome. Okay. Jess Sittig: She loved it. Where my mom was like, after that, she was like, if you have another baby, I'll just watch the baby, like while you go give Riley Flaherty: Ha ha ha. Jess Sittig: birth. She, you know, I think it's hard to see your baby in pain. And there's like, my mom does not do well with blood and like Riley Flaherty: Totally. No. Jess Sittig: all the blood. And not that my mother in law was like, Yay, she's in pain, but it was like she was looking at it from like the beauty and the medical Riley Flaherty: Yes. Yes. Jess Sittig: side where my mom was like, my God, there's blood and You know, all the it was too much Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: for my mom, but Riley Flaherty: Totally. That yeah, I so understand that. No, we have my mom yeah, so my mom was in there with us and I sh the nurse just looked at my mom because my husband's like, Look, I'm just here for the ride. Like I don't know anything about anything. Like he's like, I I she's just telling me what to do and like the poor guy had like tendinitis in his elbow after like pushing my back together for a day. And it w it was like so it's just so the poor guy. But and with her I had back labor, so I I didn't Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: deliver in the bed. I actually delivered on the floor. Like I made my poor O B's are like laying on the floor to catch this baby. I'm like, I'm so sorry, but I cannot lay in this bed. It was horrific. Yeah. Jess Sittig: That's fantastic though. Like you should be able to however you feel like your body needs to move is how you should give birth. So I love Riley Flaherty: Yes. Totally. Yeah. Jess Sittig: that your OBs were like, whatever we need to do, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: of course. Riley Flaherty: They were totally all for it. It was awesome. But yeah, so then when the pushing part came, I was just like so slow to it. I was like, well, maybe we can just take a minute. And my mom was like, We should start this. So it was like of like active pushing, probably like three and a half hours. But I like would like push a little bit and then I'd be like, Well, I'll just take Jess Sittig: That's a long time still. Riley Flaherty: a minute. Yeah, no. So I think that was the other part for me when going into the C section was that like I it was such an event. And then basically, like they you get the injection, they lay you down, they put the tarp up, like they're like swabbing you around, t like testing to make sure that you can't feel anything. Your spouse comes in and they're like, All right, like, let's go. And pretty much he sat down and I'm not even kidding you. They're like baby A born at this time, and he was like, We're already done. Like he was like He like looked at me, he was like, Wow, this really beats the pushing, huh? And I was like, You better sit there. But then then they like got baby V out and it was like good and honestly, like they crushed it. So and I made it longer. I was 37 weeks of them. And my twins, like they were both right around five pounds. Like they really did a great job. They were super healthy and yeah, like they really crushed it. But The thing that I was like most shocked by was after I felt like I just like was waiting for like my body to do something. I just kept waiting for this like afterbirth to happen and it just never happened because I didn't have like the pushing and I really enjoyed that from the first time. So I didn't know I was like so confused. My body was like I like it didn't really n understand. what was happening. And I think that attributes to like a lot. I had a lot of postpartum depression with the girls, with the twins. And Jess Sittig: Mm, mm, I'm so sorry. Riley Flaherty: yeah, I mean I think it ha I mean it happens. But it's like you don't really know how to expect it. And especially when there's parts about delivery that you really enjoy and you don't get to do it. It's really challenging. But then you feel guilty about like are my twins feeling this? Like You know, like that connection and it it was hard. I'm not also like I am not I don't love the infancy phase. Like I didn't love the infancy phase of my oldest. Like it was boring. Jess Sittig: Same. I'm the same. Riley Flaherty: Like I'm like like, okay, I guess we're gonna do tummy time again and yeah. Jess Sittig: I feel you a hundred percent. Like it's it's hard when you're putting so much effort into caring for this little baby Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: and then you're not really getting a lot of positive feedback. Yeah. I struggled through that too. Riley Flaherty: Totally. Like you're just like Yeah. And especially with twins, it's like, man, you're like on such a schedule, like you're like pumping and then you're feeding and then you're trying to get them to sleep and then I I like always tell people, I don't know if you did you ever use the Wigo carrier? man. Jess Sittig: I didn't, but I've heard good things. Riley Flaherty: I would give my blood for them. I literally would like I tell people I'm like I would donate a kidney to that brand because It saved my life. Like I was like I could once I got them into that thing, I was like, We can go for a walk. I can cook food. I'm like tell me I can't do something. Watch. Like it was just like Jess Sittig: I love that. Riley Flaherty: insane. Yeah. So I it it felt better like once I could do that. But give me the like two year old plus attitude all day running around so exhausted physically. But the just the infancy, I'm like, man. I mean it's sweet, but Jess Sittig: the same way. I'm like 18 months plus it's where I'm at. Like that is my sweet spot. Do Riley Flaherty: Totally. Totally. Yes. Jess Sittig: toddler tantrums are are those hard? Of course. But like you've Riley Flaherty: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: slept. Your body is more of your own. Like you're ki mainly recovered by then. You're probably no Riley Flaherty: Yes, totally. Jess Sittig: longer breastfeeding. Like I just Yeah, I feel you so much on that. And I agree. And I feel like it's always hard for me to admit that because some people are like, I love babies. And I'm like, I'm not saying I don't love my babies. I just, it's not my Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: favorite age. Riley Flaherty: No. Same. I yeah, I was the same. I just my sister just had her first and she and she's how old is she now? Like seven weeks or some seven or eight weeks. And it really is sweet. Like every time I get to hold her, I'm like, man, I'm like, could I have a fourth? My husband would probably like keel over. But I like going from one to three was very humbling. Going from three to five could be intense. Jess Sittig: That is our fear. So my husband Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: has had a vasectomy. Our family is happily complete. But it Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yep. Jess Sittig: was the the possibility. And I'm I'm my birthday is actually on Saturday. I'm gonna be 37. Thanks. Thank Riley Flaherty: Yeah. my gosh, that's awesome. Happy birthday. Jess Sittig: you. So I'm like the, you know, the odds are in our favor to have another set of twins with like our age Riley Flaherty: yeah. Jess Sittig: and a previous set of twins. And we're just we're so good with three. And yes, the idea of three to five is Quite terrifying. I've met other moms where they're like, I would love to have two sets of twins. And I'm like, I love that for you. That is not me. Riley Flaherty: Like, yes, God bless you. Same. I mean I and I love my gosh, I love being a twin mom like is one of the coolest things ever. It's just like there's not a whole lot of like okay, you have the eight to twelve shift and you take the twelve to four shift. Like there's not like there's just no no tossing them off to another person. And the other thing that I was thinking about was people would come over to visit you, when you so when I had my twins, my oldest was in daycare full time. but people would come over and visit me and they'd be like, like why don't you go and take a shower? I'm like, For you it's you're one person. Like, how are you? So you never really got the like Yeah, like you have Jess Sittig: Yeah. Right. You had like some guilt. Yeah, I feel that. Riley Flaherty: yeah, I don't know. That was something that I was like, even when people come over, like you're never not holding a kid. You're always gonna be holding a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Right. Yeah. Totally. I know. I feel that. I feel that too. Okay. I do have a question and thinking back on our conversation, and I have a couple of like follow-up questions. So one, I feel like I don't know the exact title. Like, would you say that you are a prenatal chiropractor? Okay. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: That is a very interesting. Like, I don't think I've ever heard that before. I've heard of prenatal in regards to like, what's it called? The Webster method where Riley Flaherty: Yes, yeah yeah. Jess Sittig: you know, like adjustments, but not in the sense of like preparing for birth and things like that. So how if someone is interested in having that kind of care in pregnancy, like what do they do? How do they find you? How do they find someone like like Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: you in their area? Riley Flaherty: Yeah, so what I would do is I so I am Webster certified. you can go on to the it's called the ICPA, which is like where you find the Webster certified physicians. Jess Sittig: Okay. Riley Flaherty: and you can type in like your area and basically like find like a prenatal chiropractor. what I would do is call and Talk to them a little bit about like what their philosophy is on care and what that looks like. Is it just getting adjusted or is it like added birth prep stuff? and outside of like supplementation. Like we're talking about like actual rehab. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: the other thing that you can do, and I don't know if they have I they must. It's called BirthFit. Have you ever heard of them? Jess Sittig: Mm mm, no. Riley Flaherty: So BirthFit is another like certification program I al I also am certified in that. I they must have like some type of log that you can go on and like look for the people in in your area. but that is where I had like my first like introduction to like the rehab side of pregnancy care. And I all of those providers are wonderful, and very knowledgeable. Like it's a very thorough call like course. But I that's what I would do is look up birth fit certified physicians or like chiropractors, and Webster certified. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Okay. And I know, on your page you don't necessarily just talk about this. You talk about like kind of twins in general, but where can people connect with you? Riley Flaherty: okay, so my Instagram is Riley Flarity. Actually I think it's under like one of the little underscores or yeah, I'm trying to think. Sorry. Jess Sittig: Okay. And I'll tag it in the show notes so people can just like click the link and be connected to you. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. But I have a TikTok but not really like I think I'm I think I'm too old. I like don't know how to use it. I like have Jess Sittig: I feel too. I don't have a TikTok and everyone's like, you gotta get on TikTok. And I'm like, me neither. Riley Flaherty: I think I have like two hundred followers. I like try I'm like I I don't really know. I and it's really the same stuff that's on my Instagram, so it doesn't really matter, but you know. Jess Sittig: Yeah. That's what I if I had a TikTok, it would just be like everything would be cross posted. It would be the same exact like I wouldn't create different content for that, you know? Riley Flaherty: Yeah. I mean that's yeah. Plus I just forget about it. Like I'm like, man, there's another platform. I don't know. I don't have it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: So Instagram is where it's at. And do you have a separate Instagram for your prenatal chiropractic stuff? Okay. You should. Riley Flaherty: No, I I don't anymore. I used to. I know. I used to. I just when I start once I had kids, it was so hard for me to like Jess Sittig: I get it. Riley Flaherty: and n like now that I'm home, it's a little bit easier for me. Like I just like to post the fun things and just chat about like I just like c creating community essentially. You know, that's that's what I like. But I I have had like more people ask me to start it up again, which Right, but w I don't know. Maybe once the kids are like actually Jess Sittig: I know it's so hard to balance everything. Riley Flaherty: in school. Jess Sittig: Yes, I know. I feel that too. I know. I feel like we could have a whole other podcast about like how to manage young children while also trying to have a career. Yeah. Riley Flaherty: It's nuts. That's like the thing. Like I love, love, love my job. Like if I wasn't so passionate about my career, I would totally just like step away completely right now and just be home with my kids. And I'm so fortunate that I can have the flexibility to do part time because like I feel like I'm so present with my kids and then I feel like I actually get to have adult conversation. It's so it's awesome. It really is. So like Jess Sittig: Yes. It's like the best of both worlds. Mm-hmm. Riley Flaherty: very fortunate, but yeah, it is exhausting. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Well, and it's like Riley Flaherty: Like be a good mom and have a career. Jess Sittig: to do all of it. And I honestly I don't know how full time working moms who are in like the corporate world and have more of a strict schedule versus working from home. Like once your kids are in school, Riley Flaherty: Yes. And they have to be at work. Jess Sittig: yeah, I'm like, how do you do pickup, drop off? I know there's like extended care and stuff, but the logistics of that, just that, just that is a lot. Yep. Riley Flaherty: Yeah but that and then like sports like I don't know if your daughter or your oldest is in sports yet, but like I s I'm scared of that. I'm like we're gonna have practices from like Jess Sittig: This is our first. I'm scared. This is our first time. So she's done gymnastics and cheer and dance, but it's like, she has a class once a week. Well, now Riley Flaherty: Yeah. But those are like weekends too. Yeah. Jess Sittig: she's starting softball and there's practice twice a week plus games on the weekend. So I'm like, okay, here we go. It starts next week. Riley Flaherty: My gosh. Yeah, we're diving in. Jess Sittig: So I'll have to do a a follow-up on how that's going. But at least we're like, Riley Flaherty: Yeah, you're gonna have to Jess Sittig: like at least she's starting that first and my boys still aren't in anything. So we're kind of just focusing on her schedule and until they're a little bit older. And then Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: managing all three sport schedules does overwhelm me a little bit thinking about that because I I also want to be everywhere. And you physically like there, you you can't you can't be at two places at once. So I feel Riley Flaherty: Yeah. You can't. No. No. Everybody does the same sport. Hopefully the boys like softball. Jess Sittig: Yeah, I know, right? And my husband really wants to get them in jujitsu. He does jujitsu. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: So I'm kind of like, okay, then if that was the case, then I think you'd have to own that. Like you would have to own, take Riley Flaherty: Totally. Jess Sittig: and I think he would love that. Like he wants to be involved. That's like his thing. But right now, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I'm really the one managing all of that. Cause gymnastics is at like four. He's still working. So, but Riley Flaherty: Yeah, totally. Jess Sittig: I will tell you, we don't know their practice schedule yet. It starts next week. I'm like, Where is it? What time? What day? I don't know. It's driving me crazy. Like I know I Riley Flaherty: my gosh, that would stress me out. I Jess Sittig: don't know if we talked about this on air or off air, but we were talking about how we've become more type B. I am more type B. I still want to know when practice is. Riley Flaherty: Yes. Yeah. Well yeah. I mean, I I'm this I'm the same way. Like I always like what do they call it? Like a type C mom where it's like you used Jess Sittig: Yeah. Riley Flaherty: to be type A but you've now developed like type B attitude. That is like me. I'm like I'm I have no like schedules, I'm like, okay, we should probably know the general what's going on. But I'm like, Jess Sittig: Yes, yeah. Riley Flaherty: my expectation of what's happening is very low. Very low. Like we are Yeah. No expectations is actually the best way to go. Jess Sittig: I think that's the key, especially with three young kids having twins. I we went to Disneyland in October and I think I was talking to someone, my mother in law, or something, and she's like, What would you like to do? I'm like, These are my expectations. I wanted churro. Riley Flaherty: Ha ha ha ha. Jess Sittig: I would like to go on one ride and I would like to see a princess. If our family does that as a whole, one ride, one one churro or treat, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: one princess or like character, I am happy, low expectations. And then we had the best day ever and everything Riley Flaherty: Yeah. I know. I know. I yeah. Jess Sittig: was exceeded. But I went in not expecting much. Yeah. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, low bar. A low bar. We are the same way. Like it's like if we are going places, I'm like, communication and safety. That's it. I'm like, Jess Sittig: Yes. Yep. Riley Flaherty: I you cannot be running away from me. Like you need to let me know if things are happening and that is it. Like, if a little bit of hair gets pulled, a little bit of hair gets pulled. That's okay. Like we will manage that. It's like I don't know. Jess Sittig: That's the key is like you can only balance so many plates and like the safety one is the the Yeah, I love that you how you phrase that. Like safety and communication are important and then everything else is kind of like It's an extra. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. That is like truly like yeah. That I honestly always say that like my only like primary goal as a parent at this point is that like I want my kids my kids to be good communicators. Like I want them to Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: feel safe to like communicate to me. I want them to be able to communicate with their peers. I want them to be able to commu communicate with themselves. Like that is the one thing that I care the most about and I'm like if Everything else fails and that's what it is. I'm like solid. I've I succeeded. I'm like great. 'Cause there's so many skills that develop from that and it's like, Yeah, Jess Sittig: Yeah, absolutely. Riley Flaherty: yeah, that's all I care about. Jess Sittig: okay. my goodness. I feel like it's been such an awesome conversation talking about for leaving with your ER story and then surprise twin pregnancy was like shocking. And then, you know, hearing about sibling dynamics and C-section versus vaginal delivery prep and healing. That was all super helpful and informative. And, you know, I always end every podcast with if you could have a heart to heart with a twin mom or give her a piece of advice, what would you say? Riley Flaherty: So I I mean we've talked about this now like many times on this now, but just expectation, like realistic expectations. It's just you don't have to be a superhero and Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: you don't have to do all of the things. It'll come as the time, you know, passes. I feel like everyone always says that like you'll it gets better and I I just think that you kinda have to embrace the suck a little bit during the time, you know, like 'cause it is like each mo honestly, each moment of twinhood is just it's wonderful and it's hard and all the things, but I think if you really like regulate your expectations, you enjoy it so much more. Like Jess Sittig: Mm. Riley Flaherty: so much more. And you don't feel guilty. Like you don't end the day being like, Was I a good parent today? Did I give my kids enough? It's like our expectations were met and it makes you feel better and it also makes your partner feel better. Like your husband, whatever, makes them feel better because they you like I actually when we go places, I actually tell my husband what our expectations are for when we're at this event. I'm like, these are expectations. Because I think verbalizing it actually helps like the kids hear it and then Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Riley Flaherty: it like helps you guys connect because then he's not getting upset about something that the kids are doing and I'm like, nah, you know, like we're we're together on it. So expectations. Keep steady. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I love that. Yes, expectations and communication, so huge. And I agree with you so much on that. I know I was saying this earlier, like I was not enjoying the beginning of motherhood with my daughter because I had Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: this crazy vision of what it was gonna be like and this strict schedule. And I really started enjoying motherhood once I let that go. And I'm Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: so thankful because I feel like twins really helped me let it go even more. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. I know. Jess Sittig: Ha ha Riley Flaherty: It and that's the blessing of them too is that they really do. Like they I I I say two things about our twins. Like twins were great for me because I needed to chill out, like desperately. But then I always say the twins were my husband's like the one of the best things that happened to him because he like really understood what it was like to be a mom, essentially. Honestly. Like twin Jess Sittig: Hmm. Riley Flaherty: dads become moms because they have to. Like Jess Sittig: They have to. You're so right. My husband. Yeah. Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Yeah. And it's good for your marriage, honestly. Jess Sittig: Yes. My husband helped me so much more with our twins. He had a different job. There were lots of factors, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: but he had to. Like there wasn't, Riley Flaherty: Yeah. Jess Sittig: there was no other option. So yeah. Well, Riley Flaherty: Yeah, it's so cool. It's so cool. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I love all of that. It has been so fun to chat and I so appreciate your insight. And thanks for coming on today, Riley. Riley Flaherty: Yeah, thank you for having me. This was so fun. I love it. And adult conversations, great. Yeah, so good. Jess Sittig: Yes. Thanks, girl. I had it. Yeah. A hundred percent. We all need it, right? I love that. Jessielee Sittig: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy twin mom life to listen along. I hope this podcast shed some light on a topic that's been on your heart and gave you more confidence as a twin mama. If you know a twin mom, please send this her way. If you like what you heard today, please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Check out the show notes to be connected with today's guest and get discount codes for brands I love. See you next Thursday. Until then. You are made for this.