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Better Than She Used To Be... · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a global voice Radio.
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Join Roxanne Derhodge and her thought provoking conversations, the catalyst to live your life
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to the fullest.
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Hi, everyone.
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It's, Roxanne Derhodge again.
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So nice that you're joining us yet again for authentic living with Roxanne.
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So, this week, I have a special young lady.
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I'm gonna say that I
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met, not too long ago in Ottawa, And she's a member of, the Canadian Association of
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Professional Speakers like myself, Natalie Plamondon Thomas, Is that correct?
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That's correct.
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You did very good.
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I thought I was gonna screw that up.
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So I was gonna say a little bit about, Natalie, she's founder of Think Yourself Academy and
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Speaker Master Coach, and she's a number one bestseller of not just one book, but 7 books on
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wellness and empowerment what an achievement.
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She's accumulated almost 25 years in sales and, actively energizing the fitness industry for
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about 30 years as a fitness instructor, personal instructor, nutrition, nutrition,
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nutrition specialist, and wellness specialist.
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She combines fitness sail strength with neuroscience, one of my loves, along with,
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reprogramming or NLP.
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She's a master practitioner in NLP.
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She retrain your brain to allow you to take charge of your life and get ex getting ex
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inspired within.
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You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
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Somehow you can.
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So I'm very interested in hearing from you.
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Welcome.
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Welcome on this fine Monday morning.
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Thank you, Roxanne, for for having me on your sham.
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Really, really excited.
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I love what you're doing and how you inspire people to live an authentic life.
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It's, it's always my pleasure to, to share my my message, I guess, with with your audience or
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with, with people who are interested in, bettering their life.
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Absolutely.
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So tell you said, I know this is the formal bio, but tell people a bit about who Natalie
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really is and and what the essence is of of what you bring to yourself, to the world, and
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kind of in your message out there.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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So, I guess the first thing about me is that my parents were freaks.
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They big time.
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So we had signs everywhere in the house.
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You can do this.
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You're amazing.
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You are awesome.
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And they had the big, you know, positive thinking on Sundays, we didn't have to go to
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church.
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But we had to sit down in the living room and get brainwashed with motivational tapes So we
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my brother and I had to sit down in the living room every Sunday, listening to what's
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additional tapes.
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Zig Ziegler, Augmandino, Jean Marc shampoo, etcetera.
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There was that, bedtime story that my parents used to tell me, which was new at the time, and
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it's the oldest motivational, story in the speaking world, and we're we've all used it and
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overused it.
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But to me, when I was hearing it.
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It was my favorite bedtime story, and it was new.
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And it's the story of the starfish.
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So the old man on the beach throwing starfish is in the water.
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And, the little girl comes and says, oh, what are you doing, sir?
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And then he said, well, I have to throw back this starfish is in the water because if I
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don't, they're gonna die.
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And the little girl said, well, you can't save them all.
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There's hundreds of them on the beach.
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What difference is it gonna make?
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And then he took one starfish and he said, with this one, it makes the whole difference.
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So as a six years old, I wanted to become a starfish savior.
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I wanted save the world.
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They wanna be a nurse.
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They don't wanna be an actress.
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I want it to be a star for savior.
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So all my life, I was looking for forms to help people.
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Even at school, I had a little corner where my friends would come and tell me their problems.
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I should I should have recorded some of these commercials.
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I'm gonna help your people today.
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Whatever.
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Anyway, So I, discovered fitness a long time ago.
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So that was my first platform as a fitness instructor about 30 years ago, started to help
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people, because through fitness, I could, I could have a, a big impact.
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I, I was teaching, like, 20 classes a week, and, and I could really, make a difference in
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people's lives than realize that people, would, even have a better impact when I was working
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one on one with them as a personal trainer.
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Right?
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And then I realized they were going home and eating crap.
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So I had to do some nutrition as well.
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So I became a nutrition and wellness specialist and my first book when you're hungry, you gotta
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eat, was on nutrition.
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Until I realized that all of this is good, but eating well, exercising is just they're just
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behaviors.
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The the clients that I was, working with they were successful.
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And I was looking at at my coworkers and and not everybody was successful, and I realized
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the difference is not that I'm giving them a better squad or that I can give them a better
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kale salad recipe.
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It's because they're starting to think differently.
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They're starting to change their mindset.
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They started to think like me, So then I realized, oh my gosh, it was about 10 years
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ago.
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I thought I was lucky.
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I had my parents.
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They had brain washing as a kid and and too bad for everybody else.
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You know, he didn't get my parents.
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You don't get to think that way, and that that it's it.
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It is.
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It is what it is.
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And and our mindset is set in stone, and and I'm very lucky.
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Right?
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Until I realize, oh my gosh.
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You can change.
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You can learn that.
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It is it is actually a science.
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And I never started to study neuroscience, and that is I did tons of courses.
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I did a master in, neuro linguistic programming.
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And and that's when I really shifted, the transformation with my clients big time because
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then I I was really able to transformed, you know, when you go to the doctor with a broken
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foot and then you leave the doctor and he says, how's your foot?
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Oh, very good.
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My foot is thank you, doctor.
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You fixed my foot.
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But when people leave my office, they say, I ask them, so how's your foot?
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And they say, what foot?
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I'm fine.
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I'm good.
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They don't remember how they used to feel.
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It's transformational.
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When you do a shift in the mind, it's so powerful.
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It's quick.
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It's transformational, and and it's it's it lasts.
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That's the thing as well, because there's so many behaviors that you can do temporarily that
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as soon as you go back to the normal behavior, then the weight's gonna come back or the old
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pattern's gonna go back or the self talk, the negative soft talk will come back.
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And when you do a transformation right in the mind, and you create a new neural pathway that
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you choose to adopt instead of the old one, that's when it really makes a difference.
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So that's when, I did, start to, work more so I've been doing this for about 10 years So one
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on one coaching, lots of speaking engagements.
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So my brand is think yourself So I have think yourself thin, think yourself successful, think
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yourself wealthy, think yourself sexy, think yourself a leader, etcetera.
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And I'm writing, of course, the books that work with these, with these seminars and workshops
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that I do several live events.
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And now I have an academy with, trainers that also, work on these topics for me in, Alberta
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and Ontario and in BC.
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So that is
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Fantastic.
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So so when you're working with people, right, because I know with a myself as a coach,
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obviously, you know, and as a psychotherapist, it's different.
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So tell me as an NLP coach, someone comes to you, and how do you decide if they're not well
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enough to proceed?
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If they need something deeper, do can you do you how do you decipher that?
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Because if someone let's say somebody comes with to you and there there's been a trauma
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background, for instance.
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Okay.
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What
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do you do with that?
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Because I I'm just curious, because I'm I'm not sure.
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And I I'm sure everyone listening probably that have a lot of different background Right?
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Like, for instance, with weight, what we knew with trauma victims is that sometimes people
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don't eat where there could be on the point boarder of anorexia.
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From to the point on generally of being too big so that way they don't attract anybody because
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trauma gets associated with, you know, sex, which kind of plays into, I don't wanna be
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looked at in a certain way.
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So is that if someone like that comes to you, for instance, Would you send them off to see
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somebody as a psychotherapist, or would you is there things that you could do with them
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immediately to start transforming them?
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Okay.
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So the first, there is no right or wrong answer here.
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There's no, it's it's case by case.
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So it it will always depend.
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Now the the world that I'm in and and the belief that I have is that whomever comes to
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me.
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I will always be able to help them.
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Now when somebody comes to me with a, a severe, let's say maybe a a diagnosed, mental illness.
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I refer them.
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Absolutely.
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It did happen once in 10 years.
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Was I able to help them anyway?
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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Because there are lots of lots of methods.
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And and just by teaching them how their brain works and how whatever linguistically, whatever
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they they think, what I whatever they say to themselves, will happen, that there's a lot of
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of teaching that can be learned.
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Now when somebody is a healthy individual, that that is functioning in society, and they did
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have a trauma.
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And a trauma, by the way, There are severe traumas, and I I have helped, a lady who used
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to live in a small town, in a country where it was okay for for, young girls to get raped
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every day.
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So up until fourteen years old, she was you know, yeah, very, very badly mistreated.
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And she had done tremendous amount of work.
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She lives here in Canada now.
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She's She's in the she's in her fifties, and she's perfectly fine.
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Like, she's done so much clearing and so much work with with lots of professional, and yet
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unconsciously, every time she would have relationship with her husband, which is a nice
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tender man, very kind and gentle, yet she or her body would would, would Chris would would
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tense, right, just because it it is what it is, right, or her unconscious mind was remembering,
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even if so we worked together for not even that long.
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Maybe we did 6 sessions together.
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And now our body doesn't do that anymore because we can address, what it is, what what's
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the blockage, what's in the shadow, and specific what it is because all these
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experiences and and some traumas can be as a child, you're playing with your favorite doll
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at two years old and your brother steals it.
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And that can be a trauma for you.
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Right?
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It it doesn't have to be as as dramatic.
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Right?
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And trauma's and negative emotion that people call negative emotion because my I focus on
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anger, fear, sadness, and guilt.
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Those are the top 5 And we experience these every day all the time.
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Between the age of 0 and 7, we will experience them for the first time.
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And when it happens, that's that's the root cause.
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That's that's when the the the system starts.
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So I'll get back to your question in a second.
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What do I do with these clients that experience the trauma?
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Really a trauma, being in a house that's burning or running out a toothpaste can have
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exactly the same impact for for different individual.
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Right?
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So so it it it is treated the same way.
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It is to learn what was the positive learning because in the prefrontal cortex, all the
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emotions are created and the the brain doesn't know the difference between anxiety and
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excitement, really.
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So so it's to it's to trend form the energy to realize that there's no good emotion or bad
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emotion.
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They're just emotions.
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And the one that we call bad or negative emotion they're I I call them powerful emotion
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because love, tenderness, care, peace.
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They're great.
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They're fun.
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Right?
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They just don't teach us as much because we're we're relaxed, we're loose, and we're we're
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enjoying them.
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When we experience the powerful emotion, like anger, fear, hurt, sadness, you know, these are
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taking us to the next level.
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They're putting us on our toes, and they're the teaching ones.
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So whenever you experience anger, what do you want to do immediately is say, oh my gosh, I
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must be learning something.
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Because they're they're teaching me something.
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What it is that that am I learning?
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Oh my gosh.
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I'm getting to the next level of my life.
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I should get excited about this.
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As opposed to be like, oh my gosh.
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I'm so angry.
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I'm so upset.
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And this and that, and this guy cut me off on the highway.
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He's such a jerk.
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What it is that you're learning.
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And as soon as you acknowledge the learning, even for for really bad traumas, a lot of
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times, and and for my my client who had been, abused, and and I I did work with a lot of
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women that were abused as well.
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Usually, there is a learning and and they became a better mom for that, or they become a
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stronger businesswoman.
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And and I have well, I have helped 3 women getting pregnant, as well, because they didn't
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just they were biologically able to, and somehow there was a blockage in their head.
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So, and one of them had been abused as a kid, and somehow that that was blocking for her have
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children and now she has 2, twins.
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Myself.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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So that's that's amazing.
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Right?
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Cause it's it's interesting because I like to know the difference because sometimes, you
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know, people may not know how to approach because you're right.
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There could be a small trauma could be that I, you know, I got called out when I was three
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years old when I was in front of the class all the way up to some really horrific things.
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And like you said, if it's really mental health, then you refer them on.
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But pretty, pretty much it's, it's realigning.
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You know, we know that neurons that fire together, wire together, right?
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So you're really trying to reroute or create new neural pathways so people can have
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different experiences there, what they're telling themselves.
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Right?
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So if I tell myself that, you know, I'm, not worthy, you know, continually.
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I I listened to one of your videos and you were talking about you, you know, someone gets up
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and says I'm fat and fat and fat, then guess what happens.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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And, before you know it, you know, unconsciously, their actions kind of follow
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that path, which impacts what they kind of, gain at the end.
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But then once they start to learn that they have control, like, you know, the brains are a
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powerful tool.
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Like
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Oh, wow.
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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But, but really, you know, I always say the the brain doesn't know the difference between you
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when you got online and now you're the one that's telling the brain.
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Alright?
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I'm here now.
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I'm present now.
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They don't know the difference between the past and the present.
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We are the only ones in control to be able to assist the brain to recognize what's happening.
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Right?
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Yes.
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That's just the reality
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as as as complicated as it is.
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Yeah.
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Because the brain doesn't know it's not happening again every time you tell yourself a
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story that already happened.
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So this guy that gets cut off the on the highway gets to work and one wants is is is
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angry, right, when it happens, and and everybody goes there.
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I go there.
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Everybody does that.
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Right?
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So you go to your 30 to 92nd loop of anger.
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So you go into that that powerful emotion.
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You live it, and then you exit the loop.
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That would be the normal.
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Most people stay for a second round and a third one.
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And afford 1, and they stay in that loop.
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And then they arrive at work.
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And then they tell the coworker what happened to them.
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The coworker listens to it and gets upset as well, because their brain doesn't know it's not
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happening to them.
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The person that's telling the story, their brain doesn't know it's not happening again, by
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telling the story over and over, you resend all the pollution in your body a second and a third
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and a 4th time.
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It's not really serving We really have, like you said, to us, we have to assist the brain
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and tell them, okay, this experience is not happening anymore.
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It did happen.
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It's over.
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Because 40% of what we worry about is not even gonna happen.
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Yes.
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30% of what we worry about has already happened 10% is is is just little miscellaneous health
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problems, you know, like, you have a headache, and then you start worrying about it.
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It's just a headache.
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Like, Don't worry about it.
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Thanks.
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It's gonna be gone.
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It just drink a lot of water, but now what we do is we panic and then we go Google it and all
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of a sudden in the Oh, gosh.
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I got 3 months to live.
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I've had a bread tumor.
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It's just a headache.
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Yeah.
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So there's too many things we we stress about and we worry about that are not even gonna hurt
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at all.
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So the brain doesn't know it's not happening again, so I never really encouraged my my
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clients to talk about about these things and and and reliving it.
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And that's why we all cry when we watch this as us.
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Because our brain doesn't know it's not happening to us.
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Right?
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So we or when we watch a horror move, we're scared.
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We experience fear, and we're sitting in our living room.
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You know, we shouldn't be scared, but but we the brain never knows that it's not happening
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again or to us.
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Right.
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And I think and in society, unfortunately, what we focus on on, you know, our, you know, you
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put on the news, you know, like a lot of my clients put on the news, the first thing in the
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morning, and, you know, they already struggle with how they think, and then what gets
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filtered in their brain, right?
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Yeah.
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I talk about, you know, obviously rituals and what kind of things do you do first thing in
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the morning and how do you start your day and those types of things.
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Sometimes basic things like that, basic hygiene, like, you know, sleep and how am I
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thinking, and who am I around, all these natural things that you would think, like you
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said, you you grew up, being exposed to.
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Unfortunately, I would say that not a lot of people are as privileged as you, Natalie, to be
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able to have that.
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I would say generally most people had less than.
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Yeah.
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And they but human beings, would you not agree that we're very, very resilient?
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You know, because I've seen phenomenally, successful people that you would never know
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anything was wrong.
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And then, you know, then they come to someone like me or you.
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I'm sure you've seen people like that.
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Yeah.
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And and their mess internally.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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People are resilience.
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People are strong and and sometimes people look at others and say, I wish I was like that.
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Well, guess what?
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You can you are already, we all have a brain.
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We all have this astonishing power inside of us.
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And the the thing is We have all the answers we need.
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We know exactly what to do.
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And people come in my office and they say, I'm paying you $200 $200 an hour.
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You have to tell me what to do.
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And I said, it doesn't matter what I think you should be doing because you know what you
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should be doing.
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And I wasn't there all your life.
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I don't know all the details.
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You do the you have all the answers you need.
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You know, exactly how to make this happen.
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If you can dream of something, I'll make that it's on your menu because I use the The analogy
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of the personal assistant that our brain, unconscious mind, the powerful part of our
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brain, is like a personal assistant listening to us all the time.
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So whenever you say anything, your brain is listening and inviting notes.
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So if you get up in the morning, it's oh my gosh.
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I look so tired.
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Oh, I look So, I'm just gonna hold today.
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It's gonna be a bong shot here.
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Old, then your personal assistant is is writing that down.
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Okay.
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Looking old.
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What can I do for that?
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Oh, I'm gonna make her forget to put her eye cream.
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Okay.
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Tired.
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Oh, okay.
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I'm gonna make her go to bed.
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Refylating it up early.
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I'm gonna make her turn around and not sleep at all.
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What else did she want?
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Oh, she wanted to be fat.
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Okay.
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What can I oh, she was a chocolate bar?
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I'm gonna make her eat that.
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What else does she want?
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To be stressed out in a long show and work.
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I'm gonna make her a bit of stuff into trouble.
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So somehow, whatever we say our brain is making it happen, So we have to be careful with what
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we think and what we say.
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So we need to catch ourself, talk to ourself, and we need to say Oh, wait a minute.
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Even if you just say, oh my gosh, I'm such a goof or or I I just broke something.
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Oh, I'm so I'm so stupid or whatever.
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You have to catch me.
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What have I said?
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I just placed an order.
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I just asked for me to be stupid.
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Woah.
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Woah.
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Woah.
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No.
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Cancel that.
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I am very, very smart.
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Thank you, and I'm very adequate, and I'm very intelligent, and I'm and I'm great, and I'm
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awesome.
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Because that's all placing orders.
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And sometimes when you go to the restaurant and you place an order, You can read the menu, and
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you don't have to know how to prove the items that you're placing orders for.
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Right?
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You don't have to know to cook it because the waiter's gonna go to the kitchen, and the
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chef's gonna cook it for you.
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So it's the same thing with our brain.
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People are afraid of placing orders because they don't know how to make that happen.
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So people look at other people and they say, wow, I wish I was like this.
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Because they don't know how to make this happen, or I wish I had I I wish I I could
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write a book, or I've always been able to do that.
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But I don't know how to I don't know.
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I don't think I can.
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I'm not a writer or Mhmm.
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I'm such a winning person, or I wish I knew whatever people wish.
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I was able to remember name because they have bad names.
23:29
You know, like, whatever it is, if you can wish it, It means it's on your menu because your
23:35
brain is like your chef.
23:37
And if you can even have a glimpse of that dream that you want, It's because it's on your
23:43
menu.
23:43
Your brain would not let dream it if it didn't have all the ingredients, but you have to place
23:48
the order.
23:49
So if you place an order and you say, I will write this book.
23:53
I'm gonna find out how I want to have I wanna be an author.
23:57
I want to be confident.
23:58
I wish I'm confident like this.
24:00
You know, you see some people that they're so assertive or or very confident and calm, and
24:06
you always have the right thing to say, and you're like, I wish I like that.
24:10
We are all like that.
24:11
We can be displaced in order.
24:14
If you can wish it, it means that you can be it.
24:17
So you place your order And now your unconscious mind will be like, oh, she said she
24:21
wanted to confident.
24:22
What can I do?
24:23
Okay.
24:24
I'm gonna make I'm gonna give her the right answer.
24:26
I'm gonna make sure that she walks in the elevator at the same time that this person
24:31
that's gonna help them do that, or I'm gonna help her.
24:34
Oh, I'm gonna make sure that she meets her needs so that Shanann can help me or I'm gonna
24:38
make, you know, so very often.
24:41
So
24:41
you're shopping all the time and you're unconscious is what you're saying.
24:44
Like, you're you're constantly taking orders from what you're telling yourself.
24:49
And that's the thing.
24:51
Right?
24:51
I when I listen to a lot of speakers or or sometimes trainers, people will just see you
24:57
know, the rah rah on stage, right?
24:59
But it's the how to, right?
25:01
So with if you're constantly downloading, right, and I know what I would say.
25:05
What do you do with your What kind of what simple things, you know, do you do to help
25:10
them?
25:10
Because I often say that the unconscious, you know, is is 95% of our our operating mechanism
25:17
and 5% is conscious.
25:18
Right?
25:19
So that's very, very powerful.
25:21
You know, it's, it's okay to say 2 nice words and then go back to, you know, 93% of that
25:27
being negative by I'm gonna, you know, to the listeners.
25:30
I'm a basic question I have is, okay, Natalie, what do I do?
25:34
I, I try.
25:35
I try.
25:36
And I do it, and I get And I'm good, and then I do a vision board, and then I say nice things.
25:41
And then I don't say nice.
25:42
And then I have the chocolate.
25:44
Like
25:44
Yeah.
25:45
Exactly.
25:45
Job at any rate.
25:46
So why is it?
25:47
Yeah.
25:48
And why?
25:49
What do I do?
25:50
Like, what are some basic things that you do with your clients to help them out?
25:54
Because I think everybody wants to feel that inner peace.
25:57
Oh gosh.
25:58
Absolutely.
25:59
So I have a 3 step system.
26:02
The first step the first step is to decide exactly what you do.
26:06
You you need to to to decide what you want, and you need to place your order.
26:10
Now The reason why I have a 3 step system is because everybody's talking about the first
26:15
step.
26:16
And then I was always looking for and I read three books a week, and I was looking for
26:21
somebody to tell me what do you do then once you have your first step?
26:25
Cause everybody does the list the smart goal.
26:28
They write down everything they want, the vision board.
26:30
Everybody's doing that.
26:32
And then what?
26:33
What do you do in it?
26:34
You look at it.
26:35
Yeah.
26:35
Okay.
26:36
Good.
26:36
And you you that's fine.
26:38
And it's just first step.
26:40
So that is my first step as well.
26:42
So, of course, I wanna decide with the clients.
26:44
So what what do you want?
26:45
What's what's the problem that you're here for and what do you want?
26:48
I I'll give you the kitchen renovation analogy.
26:51
People make a folder or a list or a smart, or a vision board.
26:56
So it's like making the folder with your samples to make your kitchen renovations.
27:01
You you decide you want this countertop.
27:04
You want this back splash, these cupboards.
27:07
You you put a paint chip of the color of the wall and this hardwood floor.
27:11
You put all that in your folder, and then you have the plan for your kitchen renovation.
27:16
It's just a folder.
27:17
So you have your folder ready.
27:19
It's the first step.
27:20
It's important to do it, but but it's just a folder.
27:23
You can't cook in a folder.
27:24
You entertain and invite people in the folder.
27:26
It's just a folder.
27:28
So I was looking for answers, and that's when I I I I started searching and created that system
27:35
because everybody stops there.
27:38
They tell you to make that that list and then what?
27:40
Nothing happens with that.
27:42
It's the folder.
27:43
So some people were telling me how to install the cupboards, but over over top of the
27:49
existing cover or installing the countertop over top of the existing counter It's not gonna
27:54
work either.
27:55
You need step 2.
27:56
So my step 2 is to cut out the old kitchen, to remove all the stuff that's there, that's in
28:02
the way so that in step 3, you can install your countertop and your new cupboards and your new
28:08
hardwood floor and repaint the kitchen.
28:11
So the 3 step is very specific.
28:13
So yes, the first step, we absolutely do need to put the folder together and decide what it
28:18
is that you marked.
28:19
You wanna be confident.
28:20
You wanna be relaxed.
28:21
You wanna be patient with your kids.
28:22
You wanna be successful.
28:24
You wanna be healthy.
28:26
Like, all the things that you want.
28:27
Absolutely.
28:28
We have to do that specifically and and smart and fine.
28:33
But the second step is the most important one, and that's where I thrive.
28:37
This is what I do.
28:38
And I usually call, I I give the analogy of the brain dentists.
28:42
You know, like everybody floss.
28:44
They brush their teeth three times a day, and they do everything right.
28:47
But there are some things that get stuck, and we need to go to the dentist.
28:52
Once a year, twice a year, they have special tools to remove the stuff that gets stuck, and
28:57
that's what you do, Roxanne, and that's what I do.
28:59
So we are like the brain dentist that remove the stuff that gets stuck.
29:03
And people are not nobody ever said, oh, shame on you.
29:07
You have to go to the dentist.
29:09
Oh, no.
29:09
Of course, we have to go to the dentist because they have better tools than us.
29:13
And and you can't remove it on your own anyway.
29:15
You need somebody to do it for you.
29:17
So this is the 2nd step.
29:18
That's what we do.
29:20
So removing negative emotion, limiting beliefs.
29:24
What are they?
29:24
What are the what are the beliefs that are not serving us?
29:27
What are, the bad habits that we have?
29:32
What are the, maybe the traumas, that that are happening.
29:38
So these are that these are the things that we need to take care of.
29:43
We can, the way I do it is through the system is through the 6 layers of the brain.
29:49
So there's the environment the behavior.
29:51
And then you can go on my think yourself dot com and download the the the pyramids or or all
29:57
there.
29:58
But the environment and but behavior is the 2nd layer, the 3rd layer is the skills, the beliefs
30:03
and value, the identity, and then the life purpose.
30:06
So in order to to reprogram a brain, you need to find out where the problem is.
30:12
And most people think their problem are the problems are with behavior, eating the
30:18
chocolate, eating the chocolate is just the behavior.
30:21
The cause of the problem is not the behavior.
30:24
Because of the problem is that low self esteem.
30:27
They feel like they're not worth it.
30:28
They're not confident.
30:30
And that's a belief in value problem.
30:32
The problem is in belief and value.
30:34
It's not in behaviors.
30:35
You can't solve a self confident problem with a behavioral solution by eating chocolate.
30:42
Or you can't if you feel like you are fat, you are overweight, you are chubby, and people have
30:48
been telling you this all your life, sometimes my cousins use to call me fufun.
30:53
So, fufun in French means bambam unless I had a big booty.
31:00
Right?
31:00
So they used to call me like that.
31:02
So somehow I grew up with this, you know, repetition.
31:06
That was my nickname.
31:07
Bum bum.
31:08
Right?
31:09
So so somehow you get this reinforcement con continually, and you keep telling yourself
31:16
every day that that you might be overweight.
31:20
Well, of course, that's not gonna help.
31:23
Of course, it's gonna it's gonna get stronger and stronger.
31:27
So if you have a belief, beliefs, and value in that layer of the brain, you can't fix it by
31:34
exercising and eating well.
31:36
Even if you exercise and you eat well, you know, I'm sure some people that do that and
31:41
still they can't lose the weight.
31:43
It's because the problem is the behavior, the problem is the belief, or you see, very, you
31:51
see people that are low self confident And then they buy an expensive car, which is
31:56
environment.
31:58
Mhmm.
31:58
When they buy a big house, it's not gonna fix their confidence problem.
32:01
You need to fix the confidence problem, what the problem is.
32:04
So it's to identify where exactly is the problem.
32:07
Is it an identity problem?
32:08
Is it a life purpose problem?
32:10
Is it a skill problem?
32:11
So what what is the problem?
32:13
And once you identify where it is, you fix it where it belongs.
32:17
Right?
32:18
Absolutely.
32:19
Absolutely.
32:20
Exactly.
32:20
So the way that people can do it on their own is to 1st write down everything that they
32:27
believe about their problem.
32:28
If let's say I will use the weight loss, what is a a belief that that everybody has, and
32:35
maybe they have, and what are the beliefs that are not serving them?
32:40
Like, I always gain weight at Christmas.
32:43
Or if I lose the weight, I'll gain it back.
32:45
As soon as I start eating normal stuff, I will gain it back.
32:50
Things like when I go on holidays, I gain £5.
32:54
Exercising is hard.
32:56
You know, there's a lot of limiting beliefs.
32:58
So once you once you find those limiting belief, then you rephrase them.
33:03
And instead of rephrasing them from exercising is hard to exercising is easy.
33:10
That's a bit harsh.
33:11
Like, when I work with people that are going through grief, for example, and they say, oh my
33:16
gosh, life sucks.
33:17
I'm not gonna make them rephrase that with life is beautiful.
33:20
I am joyful and happy.
33:22
No.
33:23
They I I'm working with a couple right now.
33:25
They've lost their daughter.
33:26
This is awful.
33:27
Like, nobody should lose their children.
33:29
Parents need to die first before of the kids.
33:31
That's what it should be.
33:32
It's it happened, but they have a son.
33:34
They wanna they they need to continue to take care of the son.
33:37
And so when working together, they need to continue life.
33:40
Right?
33:41
And we're not saying life is beautiful.
33:44
We're saying things like, and then you could write that down.
33:48
I am willing to learn how it feels to be happy again.
33:52
Right.
33:53
I am in the process of loving life again.
33:57
I am in the process of so So it's it's a way to place an order.
34:03
So then you tell you on your personal assistant.
34:05
You tell your unconscious mind that the order you're placing is that you are on your way to
34:10
feel better.
34:11
And this feels right.
34:12
When you say this out loud, I'm willing to go now.
34:15
It feels to be happy again.
34:17
That that feels true.
34:19
Yes.
34:19
It's true.
34:20
I am willing to learn this for my son.
34:23
So as opposed to be saying, oh, if if if you if if you have, like, a £100 to lose and you're
34:30
300 and you say, look at yourself in the mirror and you say, I am sin.
34:35
It's gonna be like, yeah.
34:36
Right?
34:36
If you could say, I am in the process of of getting fitter.
34:43
I am in the process of getting healthier.
34:46
That that is true.
34:47
That can feel totally true.
34:49
I am willing to learn
34:50
how the brain buys into it.
34:52
Because you're saying I'm in process.
34:54
Exactly.
34:55
Versus, I went fine.
34:56
I'm fine.
34:57
And then we would know everything's falling apart, but you know, it's interesting because
35:00
there's such so many parallels with what you and I do because I often say, what part of you
35:05
comes up now?
35:06
And name that part.
35:09
How old is that part?
35:10
If that part could have a voice, what would it say it needed?
35:15
Yes.
35:15
I love it.
35:16
Yeah.
35:16
And when they say, well, I needed, you know, I needed to have some kind words or I needed
35:22
someone to sit and talk to me about the problem.
35:26
Okay.
35:26
So, you know, if, unfortunately, you did not have that happen at that particular time, But
35:35
the competent capable, responsible person that you see sitting across for me, I think has some
35:40
skill that can help with that.
35:41
Couldn't they?
35:42
And then they go, oh, Yeah.
35:44
Well, I'm sure.
35:46
So what could you do to be gentle and clot kind in your words?
35:50
Maybe something small today that could help.
35:53
And then they go, well, I could say I could be nicer in my thoughts, like you said.
35:58
I'm a I'm a good person, you know, or I'm a good mother or, you know, I'm I'm gentle and
36:05
kind to people every day, then they feel, wow.
36:10
So I'm able to actually do that for my self now because, like, to your point, they still
36:15
haven't ripped out the cupboards, Natalie.
36:18
Yeah.
36:18
But they're
36:18
trying to they're trying to, you know, cover it up or re face it, and it still looks old, but
36:23
it has some elements of new.
36:25
And, you know, people get lost, and then they they try it for a bit, and then they fall down,
36:30
you know, and then they hit their head and they go see, it doesn't work.
36:35
Exactly.
36:36
So it doesn't need to be done really from from the roots and from from what, remember I was
36:43
talking to you about the personal assistant in our head, it it it really listens to our voice.
36:48
It likes it.
36:49
Like, my, my stepdaughter has a dog.
36:51
And when she comes over, I talked to the dog and I said, okay.
36:55
Harley sit.
36:56
Harley doesn't sit.
37:00
Hardly listens to Stacy.
37:01
And when she says Harley said, Harley sits because her dog listens to her voice.
37:07
It's the same from her personal assistant.
37:09
However, our personal assistant in our head loves 2 other voices, even more than ours, And
37:18
whenever these 2 voices speak, which are our parents, when your parents would say something,
37:26
the personal assistant goes, woah.
37:28
Oh my gosh.
37:28
This is a royal order.
37:30
I have to put this on top.
37:32
This is really, really important.
37:35
So even if your parents meant well, or if your parents were morons or if your parents didn't
37:42
know how to raise kids, that because nobody came out of their mom with a with a
37:48
prescription or with a, an instruction manual, right?
37:51
So words or stuck with, oh my gosh.
37:54
No.
37:54
I have kids.
37:55
What do I do?
37:56
Right?
37:56
And and it is what it is.
37:58
So at the end of the day, one as a parent, we say, and if if you're listening and you have
38:04
kids, be really careful what you tell your kids.
38:08
As opposed to say, oh my gosh, don't fall.
38:12
Don't do this.
38:12
Don't do that.
38:13
So we we we create this negative energy with our kids, or if, if they break something and
38:21
they say, oh my gosh, it is such a such a goof.
38:25
Or if your son comes back from soccer with a broken arm and say, oh my gosh, just like your
38:29
dad, your dad broke his arm, like, five times when he was a kid.
38:33
Okay?
38:33
So you just placed an order and you just told your son that he's gonna break his arm four
38:38
more times too because he's gonna do just like that.
38:41
Or you say you're such a snob if they're dropping something.
38:45
And and the person on this doesn't really listen, is it?
38:48
Oh my gosh.
38:50
My royal voice just said that I needed to be a slob.
38:54
Perfect.
38:54
I'm gonna make that happen.
38:55
Or or if you tell you, because don't be too lazy or you're so You're so that.
39:00
Well, you're placing orders in your kids all the time.
39:04
And when we catch ourselves, a question that I ask my clients all the time is what would you
39:10
like instead?
39:10
Because people say these things to themselves or out loud, and they tell me what they don't
39:18
want.
39:18
So they sit down in my office and they tell me as if I was a contractor, I would like you to
39:23
paint my kitchen, not blue.
39:26
Well, I don't right?
39:27
Like, if you tell your contractor, the color you don't want, the contractor's not gonna know
39:32
what to do.
39:33
And people sit in my office and they say, I don't wanna be stressed anymore.
39:36
I don't wanna be patient with my kids.
39:38
I don't wanna be rushing everywhere.
39:39
I don't wanna be sad.
39:41
Well, what do you want?
39:42
What would you like instead?
39:45
So ask yourself, whenever you say something to yourself, whenever you say, oh my gosh, you're
39:50
so I'm such a loser.
39:54
What would I like instead?
39:56
I would like to be, and then, and then people usually come up with another negation.
40:01
They would like to be not a loser.
40:05
They would like to be not shy.
40:08
I'd like to be not shy.
40:09
Okay.
40:10
Well, not shy.
40:11
Like, if if you close your eyes for a second and they say, do not visualize Mickey Mouse
40:16
standing on top of an elephant wearing a yellow tuxedo.
40:19
Even if I say do not visualize make your you still see it in your head because your brain
40:24
doesn't process the negation.
40:26
You still have to do thing in your brain before you communicate it.
40:30
So if you say I wanna be not shy, I wanna be not overweight your brain still sees fat and
40:38
overweight and shy.
40:40
So you wanna what do I want?
40:41
I wanna be confident I wanna be healthy.
40:44
I wanna feel amazing.
40:46
I wanna right?
40:47
So what do you want instead?
40:49
It's such a powerful question.
40:51
Very, very powerful.
40:52
And, you know, like to your point, it has to fit with what's really important to the person.
40:59
Right?
40:59
And I think oftentimes people will come to me and, okay, Roxanne, just tell me what to do.
41:02
I said, okay.
41:03
I'm gonna take out a piece of paper, and I'm gonna write out exactly what I watch.
41:07
Okay.
41:07
I'm gonna tell you
41:08
what to do.
41:08
And I said, you're gonna go out here, bouncing out of here thinking you have answers.
41:12
And in 2 weeks, you're gonna fall on your face, you're gonna come back, and you're gonna be
41:16
screaming and yelling at me, because it didn't work.
41:20
I don't know.
41:21
What?
41:22
I go, because it has to come from you.
41:24
It's within you.
41:26
But you just have to learn, like, to your point.
41:28
You call it the royal voice.
41:30
I call it I look at it from an attachment perspective.
41:33
You know, what kind of attachment were you exposed to and what are the resources that you
41:38
gained?
41:38
What did you not get?
41:39
And what do you need to develop?
41:41
To to make sure that you quiet those voices that don't serve you in the presence.
41:46
Yeah.
41:46
Right?
41:46
Have you ever had a friend, Roxanne, that comes to you with a brilliant idea, and then they
41:52
say, Roxanne, I think I'm gonna do this.
41:54
And you're like, dude, I've been telling you this for 3 months.
41:58
Telling you this, or if you have kids, right, they, like, they they just come up with these
42:02
ideas that they're gonna do, and you're like, excuse me.
42:06
I'm just for 3 months.
42:07
Because they had to generate the light bulb themselves.
42:11
Nobody wants an advice.
42:12
Nobody wants to be told what to do.
42:14
And my number one advice, I have, 3 step kids, and they come for advice all the time.
42:20
And then it's okay.
42:20
Tell me what what what should I do?
42:22
And then my number one response all the time, and they they love me for that.
42:30
And they don't like their dad because their dad tells them what to do, and and they don't like
42:35
it.
42:35
But they like me because what I say is I trust you do know.
42:40
I trust you have the answers.
42:42
You have you are very resourceful, and you're gonna figure it out.
42:46
And then it empowers them.
42:48
You are you are very resourceful.
42:52
You will figure it out.
42:53
I trust you.
42:55
So all of a sudden, their personal assistant tells them you know what to do because we do
43:00
have the answers.
43:01
We always know.
43:02
We just need somebody to tell us that it's okay to trust ourselves.
43:07
It's like, you know, you open the drawer and then you look into your brain for answer.
43:12
But there's so much stuff.
43:14
There's so much crap that's accumulated that you don't see at the bottom of the drawer for
43:18
the answer.
43:19
You open the drawer and then there's stuff.
43:21
On top.
43:21
There's anger, fear, trauma, bad habits.
43:24
There's so many things that you have to go all dig through this before you can see the answer
43:29
or your you're doing something in the kitchen or you're you're working on your computer and
43:34
trying to catch up from work or whatever, and then your kid comes behind you, And then you
43:38
turn around, you go, what?
43:40
And then you're like, oh, this is not how I wanted to respond.
43:45
Because you opened the drawer and then you responded with anger because that's what was on
43:49
top, unfortunately.
43:51
You it's not like you didn't know that you wanted to say, What sweetie?
43:55
What can I do for you?
43:56
This is what you really wanted to say.
43:58
You know, it's not like you don't know the answer.
44:01
You know what you should have said.
44:03
But we we say, oh, I should have sent I should have said this.
44:05
I should have done that.
44:07
We should have all over ourselves all the time, and it's not serving us.
44:11
The the thing is we want to have access to that right answer right away.
44:16
So by getting rid of all the stuff that's in the drawer, That's step 2 of the system.
44:21
Getting rid of all this anger fear hurt sadness guilt and bad habits, traumas, limiting belief
44:27
Then when you open the drawer, you have the answer.
44:29
So your kid comes behind you, and right away, your turn say, yes, sweetie.
44:32
What can I do for you?
44:33
And and when you're put on the spot at work, during an, an open meeting where where
44:38
everybody's looking at you, you will have the right answer.
44:41
Because usually what happens is there's stress and and people get nervous.
44:46
And, oh my gosh, I'm caught off guard, and then you're on your way back home.
44:49
Oh, I should have said this.
44:50
I should have done that.
44:51
Or sometimes it's seconds later.
44:53
The moment has passed because right away in that instinct, you responded with whatever was
44:58
on top because it was too much crack accumulated.
45:01
So that's what you and I do.
45:02
We we help people removing that crap, that stuff that they don't wanna respond with.
45:07
They wanna respond with the real answer that they have.
45:09
We have to.
45:10
Right.
45:10
And then they respond by, you know, what I call a hyper aroused state, which puts us into, I
45:16
wanna hit the accelerator in the car, but I'm gonna teach you how to lump likely on the brake
45:21
to slowly come to a stop because the mechanisms are a play in your in your body that says do
45:28
something and do something now.
45:29
Yes.
45:30
I'm gonna teach you the opposite of what how to touch it lightly you're still understanding
45:35
where it's taking you, but you're not gonna react in a way to kind of address the
45:39
adrenaline and cortisol that's making it kinda crazy in your body because your body say do
45:44
something.
45:44
Help me.
45:45
Help me.
45:46
And in fact, it's ready.
45:47
Okay.
45:47
Well, that's based on the past.
45:49
Well, that's based on the future.
45:50
What's happening right now?
45:51
Well, I'm kind of concerned that my boss is trying to make me look incompetent.
45:56
Okay.
45:57
Well, I see what I see where he's trying to take me.
46:00
Okay.
46:00
Do I know that to be true?
46:02
Well, it's yeah.
46:04
Yeah.
46:04
It says who.
46:05
Right?
46:05
So that's why we can
46:06
just calm down, take a breath, respond to this and then figure out how I'm gonna deal with him
46:12
differently.
46:13
That said, it takes it takes practice, right, to be able to do that.
46:16
Would you agree with that?
46:17
It takes Absolutely.
46:18
Practice to say you know, okay, I got what's happening.
46:22
I'm gonna do something now to stop it.
46:24
I'm
46:24
going to interface with something different, and I'm gonna expect a different outcome, which
46:28
is it's it's It's quick.
46:29
It's easier said than done, but again, through repetition and practice, I'm sure your clients
46:35
get it like my clients do too.
46:37
Absolutely.
46:37
Absolutely.
46:39
So, what I'm this has been fantastic.
46:42
I can see how many alignments you and I actually have with what we do.
46:46
Now, where you I know you wanted to offer a package to people that are listening, so I
46:52
wanted you to tell them about that and where they can get ahold of you.
46:55
So so should anybody I know you have consultations that people can do, on your
47:01
website, those types of things.
47:02
So tell them about the package and then them where they can get a hold of you, Natalie.
47:05
Okay.
47:06
So, they can go to, think yourself .com or DNAlifecoaching.com.
47:13
Both my websites and, in the shop section, there's or you can even just go in the packages
47:18
section.
47:19
There, there's a package that is an introductory, package.
47:25
It's a 4 session.
47:26
So we have, we we can actually do one little specific problem and go through the 3 step
47:33
system.
47:33
So we do one session to, get to know each other.
47:37
And then we go One session for the desire, the DNA system.
47:42
So one session for the D, the desire, one session for the end, the new you would do some
47:46
clearing.
47:47
Removing and gutting out the old kitchen and then one session for the a.
47:51
So then we actualize and we reinstall a few, good habits into the system.
47:57
So that package is $700.
48:01
And I also offer 15 minutes free calls.
48:04
So, if anybody would like to just have a a quick 15 minutes call, you can get a hold of me
48:10
at Natalie and at halie.
48:13
Atdnalifecoaching.com.
48:16
And, I have some events coming up in Vancouver as well.
48:19
So March 23rd.
48:21
I'm doing think yourself a coach.
48:22
It's for fitness professional.
48:24
I'm doing, think yourself a sales pro on, March 24th.
48:30
It's a 4 hour event on sales.
48:32
If you if even if you're not in sales, if you have your own business, if you're an
48:35
entrepreneur, if you have kids, you have to sell them on broccoli.
48:40
If you have a spouse, you have to sell them on the movie you wanna watch.
48:43
So thank you so much.
48:44
Salesforce is a really, good, system to learn how to reprogram your brain, to be a better
48:53
salesperson.
48:53
So sales really, is kind of a think yourself a confidence pro.
48:59
Right?
49:00
And then April, 8, I have think yourself a communication pro.
49:04
So, we, have developed a system to determine what type of personality you are, because this
49:13
big 4 big quadrant, you can be a leader, a supporter, and, a thinker or an influencer.
49:21
So there's 4 different, type of personality.
49:24
And by knowing which type you are the most, you can start to acquire the qualities of the
49:31
other, profile, the other style that maybe you would like to have more of and how to
49:37
communicate with people that are around you very often, the example that I give is the man
49:43
that, is very auditory, and his wife leaves the kitchen that leaves the garbage bag in the
49:49
middle of the kitchen for him to see that he needs to take it out.
49:53
And then they come back at they come back at night, and then the garbage bag is still there.
49:57
And then the one says, well, why didn't you take the garbage back out?
50:00
He said, oh, you never told me to, but she's visual.
50:03
So she really thought that he would see it but he said, look.
50:07
Never told me because he needs to hear it because he's auditory.
50:10
So we need to speak the other person's language.
50:13
And sometimes there are some people that we choose, like our friends, we choose to be with
50:18
them because very often, it's because we are the same style and we fit well together.
50:22
But sometimes we don't we don't choose people that are around us.
50:26
Sometimes our your sister-in-law or or your daughter-in-law or or maybe some coworkers or
50:33
people that are around you are in the the family, we, we, we have not chosen and they're
50:40
amazing people.
50:41
It's just that you have a different language.
50:44
You just have to figure out what's their style.
50:47
And and how to speak all four languages so that you can get along with everybody and have a
50:52
great time because everybody is amazing.
50:54
Everybody is.
50:55
Just learn learn to see the gifts with what they are.
50:58
But, naturally, this has been a
50:59
a complete pleasure, for all the listeners, again, what an amazing message,
51:06
the message that I got today is rip down the old cupboards before you put up some new ones.
51:12
And more on authentic living with Roxanne.
51:15
I have a free download.
51:16
It's a webinar series.
51:18
It's in the sea.
51:19
So if you go to Roxanne or dotcom/sex.
51:23
That will give you 2 video downloads on how to increase the intimacy and communication, to be
51:28
in order to have better sex lives and just general communication outside of the bedroom.
51:34
So thanks so much again, Natalie.
51:36
It has been fantastic and I hope that we can do some things here in Ontario when you're out.
51:42
Absolutely.
51:43
Okay.
51:43
So thank you.
51:44
Thank you.