Latest / The Daily Sarcast / July 21st, 2026: Weird World Cup Stuff, Tesla's Toddler Bike And Trying To Flirt At The Grocery Store

Transcript

July 21st, 2026: Weird World Cup Stuff, Tesla's Toddler Bike And Trying To Flirt At The Grocery Store · The Daily Sarcast

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  Are you tired of being surprised by things happening in the world?
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  I'm letting you take the rest of these guys. I got cocky after the first three,
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  and I missed an absolute sitter, so I'm done.
• 0:50
  A Fox Sports announcer after calling Matt Damon Brad Pitt at the World Cup.
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  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I'll give you the news and maybe a laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is July 21st, 2026.
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  Good morning. I just want to give a quick shout out to all of the new listeners.
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  Thank you so much for tuning in to the Daily Starcast.
• 1:13
  And if you are enjoying the Daily Starcast, don't gatekeep and make sure to
• 1:17
  send this to somebody who
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  likes to listen to the news but gets so frustrated but still wants to know what's
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  gone going on and maybe getting a little laugh out of it too so,
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  in real news the world cup final has been getting a lot of major broadcast complaints
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  i don't know about how you felt when you were watching it but a lot of people
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  said the camera coverage felt strangely off like they missed a lot of moments
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  there was a lot of odd cuts,
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  and they also spent a lot of time hunting for celebrities instead of just,
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  like, filming the actual game.
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  The vinyl had dozens of cameras covering the stadium, but a lot of people are
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  saying they just didn't do a great job of covering it.
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  Biggest joke is that the world cup is supposed to be the olympics of television
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  production there are massive crews cutting in technology and enough cameras
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  to make every tv show look underfunded,
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  yet everyone was complaining that the coverage kept prioritizing famous people in the stands,
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  and they were trying to broadcast things that weren't even happening on the
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  field which was kind of the whole point of the world cup right,
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  there were a lot of really funny moments like what I mentioned earlier,
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  when one of the broadcasters confused Matt Damon in the crowd and thought it was Brad Pitt.
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  Basically, the World Cup turned into a celebrity version of Who's That Pokemon?
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  But the Pokemon are all just famous celebrities. Tesla has finally entered the
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  bicycle market, and after years of people begging Elon Musk to make an electric
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  bike, the company has delivered exactly what everyone was expecting.
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  A bike for a toddler.
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  Yes, I'm not kidding. Tesla's first ever bike is not an electric motorcycle,
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  it is not a futuristic e-bike, and it's not some cyberpunk machine that charges itself while you ride.
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  It's a $225 balance bike for kids ages 2 to 5.
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  The Tesla balance bike is basically a tiny two-wheeler that toddlers can push
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  with their feet to learn how to balance before graduating to a real bike.
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  Doesn't have a battery or a motor, and no self-driving technology.
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  The only autonomous driving happening is when a child lets go and the bike rolls into a bush.
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  But because this is Tesla, they couldn't just make a normal kid's bike.
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  The company gave it the full Tesla treatment, a lightweight magnesium frame,
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  Tesla branding, and a futuristic design that makes it look like a tiny Cybertruck
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  had a baby with a radio flyer wagon.
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  Leave it to Tesla to make a premium transportation solution for humans who still
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  need help remembering not to eat crayons.
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  The funniest part about this is that Tesla fans have been waiting years for
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  a two-wheeled Tesla vehicle.
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  People imagine an electric bike with insane battery life, cutting-edge technology,
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  maybe something straight out of the future.
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  Instead, Tesla basically was like, You wanted an electric bike?
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  Great news. We removed the electricity.
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  And at $225, it's not exactly a bargain here.
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  You're paying Tesla prices for a bike powered by the oldest technology on earth, a toddler's legs.
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  So Tesla's officially created a vehicle with zero emissions,
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  zero horsepower, and a 100% chance of the driver asking for a snack halfway through the trip.
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  New York City had one of those mornings where you check the news and think,
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  okay, which headline is going to be the least normal?
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  The FBI is investigating after an explosion outside a federal building in Lower
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  Manhattan happened yesterday.
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  The blast happened near the Manhattan federal building, and police came to the
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  scene while investigating what caused it.
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  Thankfully, there were no reported injuries, but the incident immediately triggered
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  a major law enforcement response because the FBI was there just as quickly as the cops.
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  The FBI is looking into the circumstances surrounding the explosion and whether
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  it was intentional or not.
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  And they're still trying to figure out what happened. Like, this is the most New York thing ever.
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  You can walk past a construction site where a guy is yelling into a Bluetooth
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  headset, there's just a rat dragging a slice of pizza or a bagel down the sidewalk,
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  and somebody is playing saxophone for money on the corner.
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  And then there are FBI agents outside a building and no one thinks twice.
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  We've reached a new level of chaos tolerance where the reaction is not, are we safe?
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  It's, is this going to make my commute worse today?
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  So the FBI is still investigating and right now the biggest mystery isn't just
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  what caused the explosion,
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  it's whether the person responsible remembered that Manhattan has approximately
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  a million cameras pointing at every square inch of pavement.
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  I mean, New York is literally the only place where a federal investigation can
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  happen. And half the city's first question is, okay, cool. But is the coffee
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  shop downstairs still open?
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  In Lindsay life. Okay. I'm getting so sick of these dating apps.
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  Like I'm just like not clearly meeting anybody on them.
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  And everyone's like, oh, maybe I'll meet somebody in real life.
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  Okay. All right. But you know what?
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  Fine. Let's give that a try.
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  So yesterday morning I'm in Whole Foods I'm walking around I'm doing my little
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  grocery shopping and I passed this cute guy,
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  now the other day I was walking down the street with my mom and apparently my
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  mom told me that this cute guy
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  smiled at me but then he walked past and there was no way to kind of like,
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  chase after and get him back but I'm like you know what well now I'm in Whole
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  Foods and we're all kind of doing like the circular lap thing so I can run into
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  him again so like can see him again.
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  So I'm kind of like doing a little bit of a lap to see how I can run into him again.
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  And the cute guy is standing in front of the ice cream. And he's like.
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  I kind of like walk over to the ice cream too. And I was like,
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  yes, ice cream, cute boy, like, here we go. And I was like, oh,
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  I wish the ice cream was still on sale. Do you know if they're still having that big sale?
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  And then he like turns and looked at me like shocked that I was speaking to him. He's like, what?
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  I don't know anything about a sale. I was like, yeah, me either.
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  And awkwardly pretended to keep looking at the ice cream for a split second
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  before walking away and pretending that didn't happen. And yeah,
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  so flirting in person didn't take much.
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  Lindsay Lessons, a lesson by Linz. If you work from home, you can finish an
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  entire TV show in one day.
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  When you work in an office, there are consequences. People can see you.
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  Your boss can walk by and see your screen. You have to pretend you're busy when
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  you're actually staring at a spreadsheet you opened three hours ago.
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  But working from home is like a completely different world.
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  You start the day thinking, I'm just going to put on one episode while I eat breakfast.
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  And then it becomes this huge mistake because Netflix knows exactly what it's doing.
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  The second that episode ends, it's already counting down, 5,
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  4, 3, 2, 1, and suddenly you're well into season two.
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  And eight hours later, you've answered emails, attended meetings,
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  completed your work, but you also know the entire backstory of a fictional family
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  in a town you couldn't even find on a map.
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  The problem is from working from home has created a dangerous illusion that
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  you have unlimited time.
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  You're like, I'll just fold laundry during this episode, and the next one,
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  I'll answer emails. Before you know it, it's four o'clock.
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  So if you work from home, you have two jobs, your actual job,
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  and the other one is fighting the urge to turn your laptop into a TV tray.
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  Cooking tip of the day. If you don't like salt and you're making food for other
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  people, you should probably add more salt.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish poor looking furry,
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  email me at lindsay at thedailysarcast.com.
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  Thanks so much for listening. Talk to you guys tomorrow. Bye.