Latest / The Daily Sarcast / March 2nd, 2026: Shooting In Austin, Iran Explained And My Bad Ex

Transcript

March 2nd, 2026: Shooting In Austin, Iran Explained And My Bad Ex · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is sponsored by my mom, who doesn't like these fake ads anymore,
• 0:05
  and my dad, who wants me to actually have jokes on this podcast.
• 0:09
  But the joke is really on me since they are the ones literally sponsoring this podcast.
• 0:14
  Just want y'all to know that as an actor who brought you the character Ernesto
• 0:18
  Ernie in Better Call Saul, that I am out here, too, delivering with you.
• 0:22
  It sucks, but one delivery at a time. Be blessed out there.
• 0:26
  John Christian Love from Better Call Saul and Friday Night Lights on Working for Amazon now.
• 0:31
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and
• 0:34
  maybe a laugh. I'm Lindsay Wernick, and it's March 2nd, 2026.
• 0:39
  We have officially made it to, like, the end of the beginning of the year,
• 0:43
  and I'm just feeling really optimistic about this year.
• 0:47
  I feel like all of the, oh, it's just the beginning of the year stuff is like
• 0:51
  over now, more officially like into the year.
• 0:53
  So it's really like the new year starting now, if that makes sense.
• 0:57
  It doesn't make sense at all, but let's move on.
• 0:59
  So in real news, if you're feeling broke, burned out, or just need a change of scenery, good news.
• 1:05
  Several states are now offering incentives to get you to move there.
• 1:09
  The biggest offer is through Ascend West Virginia. They're dangling a relocation
• 1:13
  package worth over $23,000.
• 1:16
  That includes $12,000 in straight cash, free co-working space,
• 1:20
  and outdoor gear rentals.
• 1:22
  But the catch? You have to be 18 and have a full-time remote job for a company outside the state.
• 1:28
  So basically, bring your job and your Patagonia, and they'll handle the rest.
• 1:33
  Noblesville, Indiana, is offering package just worth over $15,000 through the Make My Move program.
• 1:40
  You get a $5,000 grant, a $500 health stipend, co-working membership,
• 1:46
  and restaurant gift cards.
• 1:47
  It's kind of like they're saying, we'll pay you, and also, here's a Chili's gift card.
• 1:52
  Live your best life. Tulsa, Oklahoma, is offering a little over $10,000.
• 1:57
  It's the same deal. You need a full-time job remotely outside of Oklahoma.
• 2:01
  And you have to commit to living there for at least a year.
• 2:04
  It's giving. We really need people here who stay inside their houses on Zoom calls all day.
• 2:09
  Some random counties in Kentucky are offering about $8,800 to move there.
• 2:14
  You get $5,000 in cash, a YMCA membership, theater tickets, and a high school sports pass.
• 2:21
  And, get this, a dozen locally sourced eggs every month.
• 2:26
  Honestly, in this economy, the eggs might be the most valuable part.
• 2:30
  And then there's Alaska. If you live there for a full calendar a year,
• 2:33
  you can qualify for the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend.
• 2:36
  In 2025, it was about $1,000.
• 2:39
  Which feels less like a relocation incentive and more like hazard pay.
• 2:43
  So the question really is, how much would it take for you to move?
• 2:47
  12 grand? 10? A monthly egg subscription?
• 2:50
  Because if states are now offering these sign-on bonuses, I'd like to request
• 2:54
  one from Manhattan for staying here.
• 2:56
  Early Sunday, downtown Austin's Buford's Beer Garden became the newest nightmare in the U.S.
• 3:02
  When a 53-year-old man, identified by media as Ndigdia Dianjay,
• 3:07
  opened fire, killing at least three people, including himself, and injuring 14 others.
• 3:13
  The shooter reportedly drove around, firing a pistol out of his car,
• 3:17
  then switched to a rifle after parking.
• 3:19
  Police arrived within a minute and fatally shot him.
• 3:23
  During the attack, he wore a sweatshirt reading Property of Allah and a shirt with an Iranian flag.
• 3:30
  Authorities are still investigating his motive. The FBI noted indicators of
• 3:34
  a possible terrorism link, though no specifics have been shared.
• 3:38
  The city and state responded quickly.
• 3:40
  Austin's first responders were praised for saving lives, and Governor Greg Abbott
• 3:44
  ordered DPS and the National Guard to increase patrols, especially at critical
• 3:48
  infrastructure because of what's going on in the Middle East,
• 3:51
  which I'll get to in a little bit.
• 3:53
  Political reactions were typical. Democrats focused on gun violence prevention,
• 3:57
  and Republicans emphasized extremism and immigration concerns.
• 4:02
  Meanwhile, the University of Texas community and bystanders grappled with the
• 4:05
  trauma with counseling and support of efforts underway.
• 4:09
  Instagram will now alert parents if their teens are repeatedly searching for
• 4:13
  suicide or self-harm content.
• 4:15
  The only catch is that both the teen and parent have to opt in.
• 4:20
  So yeah, it's basically a we'll tell you if you want us to feature.
• 4:25
  Alerts can come via email, text, WhatsApp, or in the app with links to expert
• 4:30
  resources for those fun conversations about mental health.
• 4:33
  It's rolling out next week in the US, UK, Australia, and Canada.
• 4:38
  Other countries come later, because why should everyone have access to this now?
• 4:43
  Meta is pushing this while defending itself in court over claims its platforms
• 4:47
  are addictive and harmful.
• 4:48
  Experts say it's a step in the right direction, but let's be real.
• 4:52
  Kids can still use secret accounts, coded language, or just ignore their parents
• 4:56
  and not allow them access to anything.
• 4:59
  So this really might not reduce anything at all.
• 5:02
  In Lindsay life, I don't know if you know about Mercury and retrograde.
• 5:06
  I don't really know anything about it either, and I won't pretend to.
• 5:09
  But basically, I've been on TikTok the past week, and all these people are like,
• 5:15
  Mercury's in retrograde.
• 5:17
  Beware, your ex might reach out. Be careful. And I'm psyched.
• 5:21
  I want my exes to reach out. I love that shit.
• 5:24
  So sure enough, my ex reaches out. But it's not the good ex that I wanted to actually reach out.
• 5:30
  It was like the bad ex, the one who I'm like very much
• 5:33
  over that it was not a big deal that he reached out and
• 5:36
  it was so like underwhelming that he texted me
• 5:39
  and he also texted me at eight o'clock in
• 5:42
  the morning on a Saturday morning like some
• 5:45
  guys make stupid decisions at 2 a.m this one makes the worst decisions at 8
• 5:50
  a.m as soon as he wakes up all right now let's get to what a lot of you have
• 5:54
  been waiting for thing of the week what is really happening with Iran right
• 5:59
  now because I was just as confused as you were. So let's explain this, shall we?
• 6:05
  So let's start back in June 2025, this past year.
• 6:09
  So remember when we dropped a nuke on Iran's nukes and we thought that we got rid of them all?
• 6:16
  And then Trump was like, actually, just kidding. I don't think we did.
• 6:20
  Well, we didn't. We didn't get rid of them all.
• 6:22
  So the U.S. and Israel have been keeping an eye on Iran and hoping that they'd
• 6:28
  halt their nuclear missile programs. But instead, Iran kept continuing to enrich
• 6:33
  uranium, building missiles, and supporting Hezbollah and Hamas.
• 6:37
  So then, back in December now, that's when the economic protest started,
• 6:42
  because inflation was crazy and the living costs became unbearable.
• 6:48
  Everyone took it to the straits from Tehran to small towns demanding accountability,
• 6:52
  real change, and ultimately an end to the Islamic Republic system.
• 6:56
  The government's response was brutal.
• 6:59
  Security forces used live ammunition, shotguns, and mass arrests.
• 7:04
  Nationwide internet and phone shutdowns hit the crackdown, but still,
• 7:07
  protests persisted in scattered determined waves.
• 7:10
  Thousands were killed, and tens of thousands were detained.
• 7:15
  Over 35,000 people were killed in this process, which is so largely underreported and not talked about.
• 7:23
  This was the largest unrest since 2022, which was fueled by economic despair,
• 7:29
  political repression, and a sense that the future was closing in on everybody.
• 7:33
  So up until the past few weeks, the U.S. decided enough was enough with Israel.
• 7:39
  Israel got some intel that during, like, broad daylight, there was going to
• 7:43
  be a huge leadership meeting.
• 7:45
  So that's when we struck with Israel killing their top leadership along with
• 7:51
  their supreme leader, who is basically second to God.
• 7:55
  We've also been hitting naval bases, air bases, and military assets with over
• 8:02
  1,000 targeted attacks.
• 8:03
  The strikes effectively cut Iran's military capabilities to their knees.
• 8:08
  So Iran has retaliated, and they struck Israel and other parts of the Middle
• 8:12
  East, escalating the conflict.
• 8:15
  Meanwhile, Iranian civilians continue calling for freedom, and neighboring countries
• 8:19
  like Saudi Arabia are moving toward a friendlier stance with the West.
• 8:24
  For the first time in decades, Iran, the region's largest regime in 47 years,
• 8:29
  is weaker than ever, sending a clear message that continued aggression won't be tolerated.
• 8:34
  Okay, but then let's also not forget about Britain here.
• 8:38
  Their PM, Keir Starmer, agreed to let the U.S.
• 8:41
  Use British military bases to destroy Iranian missiles at source,
• 8:46
  depots, and launch sites, but stressed the U.K.
• 8:49
  Wouldn't take part in offensive attacks.
• 8:52
  Translation, we're not taking part in this. We're just lending you the keys so you can do the job.
• 8:57
  So Iran's top leadership is gone. Their military is crippled.
• 9:01
  But the country isn't out of the chaos right now.
• 9:05
  Civilians are still in the streets, missiles are still flying,
• 9:08
  and the region is teetering on the edge.
• 9:10
  One wrong move here, and what's left of stability could explode.
• 9:15
  Cooking tip of the day. Peanut butter and jelly never fails.
• 9:19
  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish by looking for a date,
• 9:22
  email me at lindsay at thedailycircass.com.
• 9:25
  Thanks so much for listening, and I will talk to you guys tomorrow,
• 9:28
  and if you made it to the end of this, I hope you feel well informed.