Latest / Bomb Life / Doing it Scared Part 2 with Melissa and Jovina Vogel |281

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Doing it Scared Part 2 with Melissa and Jovina Vogel |281 · Bomb Life

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Life is hard.
0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: There's gonna be a lot of hard choices to make.
0:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Be very aware of others feelings and emotions that you're letting come in and guide you because you don't have to.
0:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You can make decisions all on your own for you and what's best for you.
0:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And that doesn't make you a bitch.
0:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Boundaries don't make you a bitch.
0:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Putting yourself first doesn't make you a bitch.
0:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And how many females struggle with that, right?
0:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Of like, oh my God, I gotta give and I gotta give and I gotta give and if I don't, then it makes me look like a bad mom or it makes me look like a bad friend or a bad teammate or whatever.
0:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't.
0:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone is responsible for themselves because no one is coming to save you.
0:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Bond Life Podcast where fitness, vines, and real talk collide.
0:53
[SPEAKER_01]: This is it just about workouts.
0:54
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about transforming your body, mind, and life.
0:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Get ready for unfiltered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
1:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, everyone.
1:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the bomb life podcast.
1:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I am Alyssa Vogel your host.
1:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the show.
1:23
[SPEAKER_01]: If you are brand new, you have landed on an incredible episode.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're returning listener, welcome back.
1:31
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys were in full swing summer and this episode only was possible.
1:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It was only possible because my daughter's at a school and today my episode is with her.
1:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so happy to have my daughter Jovena Vogel back on the show.
1:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And because of the summer months, I get to spend more time with the kids.
1:50
[SPEAKER_01]: They're around more.
1:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it because you guys know when schools in we are like at every sporting event practices back and forth trying to make meals, trying to find time to spend together work.
2:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just pure madness.
2:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're finally done with club volleyball and things get to like kind of level out.
2:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Now my other one is starting cheer.
2:10
[SPEAKER_01]: They start in the middle of summer.
2:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just been a lot of like juggling things back and forth.
2:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm so grateful for some of her months and that just little bit extra time, little bit of extra vacation with my kids.
2:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it gives me time to podcast with them.
2:24
[SPEAKER_01]: They are not easy to get back on the show because you know, they're all at that age, that teenage age and all my god mom.
2:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But Joven is not afraid.
2:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And we are calling this episode do it scared part two because Joven was on before and we talked all about just facing our fears and how we're not going to take that away.
2:41
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to do things scared no matter what.
2:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is part two.
2:46
[SPEAKER_01]: She has some life changes happening and she's had to make some really big decisions and their big decisions for a teenager.
2:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so proud of her for working through it.
2:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're sitting in the pool the other day talking, I'm like, hey, would you podcast on this?
3:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, she's like, sure.
3:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what?
3:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, well, blown away that she was like, okay, so she's getting more used to using her voice and speaking her mind and then sharing with others.
3:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh my god, this is so incredible because it's it's just it's not easy.
3:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what this episode is about today and she sharing her story and her journey.
3:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just the cutest thing and I share a little bit more about my journey and everything I've gone through with my marriage and divorce and you know, just life in general, life has just been
3:30
[SPEAKER_01]: a little crazy since April for us and my kids have been there with me every step of the way and it's amazing when you don't give up, you keep pushing through and all of the hard life lessons that you have gone through and things that you have struggled with and you're just like, oh my God, why is this happening to me and you get to learn and twist that into it happened for me.
3:52
[SPEAKER_01]: When it comes full circle and you got to you start to see that.
3:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Holy crap.
3:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a beautiful thing.
3:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's my first message to you guys.
3:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that keep going?
4:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep going when life is really fucking hard and you're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm even dealing with this right now.
4:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe that happened.
4:09
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I let this happen?
4:10
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I get in this situation?
4:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Erase all that shame and know that diamonds only grow from pressure and humans are the same way.
4:17
[SPEAKER_01]: We only grow and become amazing.
4:19
[SPEAKER_01]: and get to do amazing badass things and develop an identity and have this identity shift of being a badass unless you go through hardship.
4:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You will never meet a superhero that doesn't have a story.
4:31
[SPEAKER_01]: For real, you will never meet a millionaire billionaire that didn't go bankrupt first.
4:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, maybe, okay, that's not true.
4:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You could meet someone that didn't go bankrupt first, but a good majority of them have and they've gone through just really low failing points of their life.
4:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And those points, low points are so important for growth.
4:49
[SPEAKER_01]: But when you are in it and you are rock bottom, it's like, this is it.
4:53
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what takes me out.
4:55
[SPEAKER_01]: It's never getting better from here.
4:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm just going to go under from here.
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: This is it.
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And you just cry and the tears just come and I'm telling you keep going because when you feel like you're at rock bottom, you probably are and you can't get any lower.
5:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You'd have nothing but space and air above you to climb up into climb out.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So this was a full circle moment for me.
5:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And Joven is talking about high school things, right?
5:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And things that are happening in her life.
5:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, big picture.
5:24
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not that big of deal.
5:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like some of those were adults and we're listening to this.
5:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And might be like, okay, that's great.
5:30
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm trying to figure out how to pay for my mortgage or dealing with infertility or a spouse that cheated or like, you know, big life events.
5:37
[SPEAKER_01]: But remember,
5:38
[SPEAKER_01]: experiences, trauma, all of that.
5:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, that's so individual and we can't judge it.
5:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm sharing that because her experience might not seem like that big a deal.
5:47
[SPEAKER_01]: However, it's her practicing having a voice.
5:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It's her practicing having to move forward even though you're scared and it's her practicing making big life choices.
5:58
[SPEAKER_01]: and taking out this is going to sound weird, but taking out the feelings of others and not worrying about other people think because this is a huge, and I talk about this in the podcast, so I won't dive into it too much.
6:10
[SPEAKER_01]: But this is a huge part for adults, especially women, and we think and consider everyone else's feelings.
6:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're like, oh my God, but if I do that, how's that going to make her feel?
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, to an extent, yes, we need to be mindful of that right I'm always talking to my kids like don't be an asshole like what you did what you said it affected them and if you care about them.
6:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you need to pay attention to it right like don't go around just flying your mouth off and not.
6:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Being aware of the consequences or how that makes others feel I'm not talking about that.
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm talking about making decisions and not making decisions for your life based on how other people feel and we do that all the time and I want more awareness around it.
6:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I do it.
6:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I still do it and I have come so far and I have so much growth and I still find myself going.
6:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but if I do that, then how is he going to feel?
6:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's going to happen?
7:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're going to be sad.
7:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can't do that anymore.
7:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can't teach my kids how to not do that if I keep doing it.
7:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So I am a work in progress.
7:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, success is not linear.
7:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys, it is all over the place.
7:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's up and it's down and it's better and it's better and then it's back a little bit and then it's better and better.
7:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not linear.
7:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have to remind ourselves of that.
7:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So today, we're talking about doing it scared part two.
7:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to do it.
7:23
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not going to take away your fears and emotions.
7:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just going to do it scared and one of the biggest things that I didn't even realize in Jovena tells the story in the episode was we were talking a few weeks ago when she was trying to figure out, you know, decision that she needed to make and things like that.
7:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you know, I can relate to this.
7:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it's a completely different situation, but I can relate to what you're saying.
7:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was telling her how, you know, when I was going through a divorce and divorcing her dad and we were divorcing, there were a lot of choices and decisions that had to be made and it affected other people.
7:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was telling her like, look, to make that big of life choice, you think I didn't think about what other people would think.
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: You're crazy.
8:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone in this area knows Melissa and Jason, you know, and
8:09
[SPEAKER_01]: He has family that I've known for twenty years, and what would my family think?
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't be divorced, like, what?
8:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the neighbors think, like, what would everyone say and do?
8:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And how would I do this?
8:20
[SPEAKER_01]: How does that even work?
8:22
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I even move forward?
8:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had to think about myself, myself, and my children, and remove everything else.
8:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was so afraid, but how other people would view and affect my situation and their feelings around it, it kept me stuck.
8:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It actually kept me paralyzed for a really long time.
8:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And that wasn't fair to him.
8:40
[SPEAKER_01]: That wasn't fair to me.
8:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't fair to my children.
8:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like, you get to a point where you're like, you got to shit or get off the pot.
8:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what are you going to do?
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was stuck based on other people and I was based, I was stuck based on fear and she brings this up.
8:54
[SPEAKER_01]: She's so cute and they have a so fish talks about healthier stands for there's a couple of them.
8:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember which one she said now, but it's face everything and run or face everything and rise and I was running not in the right direction and I did choose rise.
9:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd actively choose to rise.
9:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I shared that story with her and I was reminding her, because you know, the hits are older now.
9:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I can talk to them about this process a little bit differently.
9:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And my experience, what I felt what I was going through, what I was thinking, because that's fresh in my head still.
9:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I can talk to them differently about it.
9:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sharing that with her.
9:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And little did I know that that story and what I had to face and do and deal with and overcome that.
9:34
[SPEAKER_01]: was like the tipping point for her and it helped guide her and make a decision.
9:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I still can't believe my rock bottom moment, my moment of like, what is happening to me?
9:43
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I doing?
9:45
[SPEAKER_01]: What is going on?
9:46
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I end up here?
9:47
[SPEAKER_01]: How is this my life?
9:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And being able to share that with my daughter and it helped her make a decision?
9:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a huge moment.
9:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, let's podcast on this.
9:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's with this episode as all about today.
9:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so glad that we have recorded.
9:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad that it's going to help you guys and
10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: her story, it's so sweet and so cute and it's also a really good example of how sometimes we need to get out of our own way and we need to not worry about what other people think about the decisions that we're going to make in our own life.
10:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you are on the fence and you need help making decisions, you need help feeling empowered, motivated, you're ready to go next level, definitely go to the show notes.
10:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Click the link, book a call with me, send me a DM.
10:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we just go back and forth on Instagram or something.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Send me an email.
10:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It's Melissa Vogel at gmail.com.
10:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Send me an email.
10:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's talk.
10:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's see what you need to do next level.
10:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I do these calls all the time.
10:37
[SPEAKER_01]: They're free.
10:38
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll jump on, fifteen, twenty minutes.
10:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's see what direction you need.
10:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you need what I'm on coaching?
10:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I find help find you like a nutritionist?
10:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I help get you on the right program?
10:48
[SPEAKER_01]: What path do you need to take?
10:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Because deciding to not decide is still deciding.
10:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Write that down.
10:52
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, everyone.
10:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Enjoy the show.
11:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
11:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Today I have Miss Jovina vocal back on the show.
11:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Hi.
11:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, you guys, this is gonna be good.
11:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna be a good one.
11:14
[SPEAKER_01]: She's already giggling and laughing.
11:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Jovina, you've done on this show a couple times now.
11:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like three or four times.
11:21
[SPEAKER_00]: This might be your fourth.
11:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because I was on it twice with my sisters.
11:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And then once or twice on solo.
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Once solo, I think she's the only one that I can kind of convince.
11:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I'll ever get my little one to do it.
11:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And my older one might come back.
11:35
[SPEAKER_01]: We might have hope of getting my oldest one back on, but people love when you come on the show.
11:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You know that?
11:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I like being on the show here's such a dark.
11:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You're so motivating.
11:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You really are.
11:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have been going through a lot in this family over the last couple months, just with new shifting and adjusting.
11:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like these kids have been through a lot with me.
12:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Just a life in general.
12:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you guys know, I'm divorced.
12:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I divorced her dad.
12:09
[SPEAKER_01]: God, five and a half years ago now, six years.
12:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know.
12:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Five years, five years ago now.
12:14
[SPEAKER_01]: How old were you then?
12:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my, sixteen.
12:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You were nine.
12:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I think.
12:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
12:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
12:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, eight or nine.
12:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
12:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's big change.
12:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, for a little eight year old.
12:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
12:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You were just a baby.
12:28
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and that's we're going to talk about that here a little bit as well.
12:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just kind of bringing up now because just talking about shift and change and like what we've been through as a family like I just consider you and your sisters like that's our little family unit now.
12:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and you guys
12:43
[SPEAKER_01]: any of you moms listening right now that have either been through to wars or contemplating a divorce.
12:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I know there is a lot of fear surrounding it.
12:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And today we are talking all about fear.
12:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Joven and I have talked about fear before on this episode.
12:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're actually going to call this episode doing it scared part two.
13:00
[SPEAKER_01]: because that's kind of come like our motto of like we're gonna do it.
13:05
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna be scared AF, but we're gonna just do it scared.
13:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And anyone listening that has been through like a divorce specifically or has contemplated it.
13:16
[SPEAKER_01]: or just, you know, has been stuck in a world of like, oh my God, what do I do?
13:20
[SPEAKER_01]: This is gonna rock not only my world, but other others involved is gonna rock their world.
13:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna tell you right now, like, if you feel like changes necessary, and you just feel it in your gut, and it's like not going anywhere, you need to listen to that.
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think us as women, we know what the right thing is in our gut, and then we're like, shhh, and we like silence it, and we don't.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't move forward with it.
13:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And we'll talk a little bit more about about the divorce and everything today.
13:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm telling you right now, that divorce, yes, it will change your world.
13:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It will change your kids world.
13:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But you have to listen to what's going on in here to help you move forward.
13:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not necessarily saying like, oh, yeah, go in like, you know, get a divorce and do all that.
13:59
[SPEAKER_01]: That might just mean, yeah, you need to go and start doing serious work and repair or at my end, and you know, going your separate ways.
14:06
[SPEAKER_01]: The point is just listen to your gut.
14:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And the second biggest, biggest point is
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: don't let the fear of unknown be what stops you.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: That is not a reason to move forward, right?
14:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And so Jovina has been at Crossroads now for a while.
14:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And with her, we have been talking about changing schools.
14:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a sixteen year old, she's now sixteen, as a sixteen year old, she's a sophomore in high school.
14:35
[SPEAKER_01]: She's had two years at the same high school and is now considering going to another high school.
14:42
[SPEAKER_01]: The rival high school.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good point.
14:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, literally the rivals and making a big for a sixteen year old.
14:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, for us at all, it's really like, oh my god, chain new schools, like who cares, put yourself in being sixteen again.
14:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like eternally, it's a lot bigger.
14:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Like being violent, the people, the... It's just big.
15:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Everything.
15:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a massive change.
15:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And this was my idea.
15:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of brought this up.
15:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know a few months ago now, right?
15:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
15:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you remember why?
15:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I was complaining about my volleyball program at the school that I'm changing from in the coaches.
15:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was, I think that was the root of it all.
15:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was a rough year last year.
15:24
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really cool her freshman year, as you guys know, if you follow along, I coached them.
15:29
[SPEAKER_01]: My oldest was a senior.
15:32
[SPEAKER_01]: God, you coached us.
15:33
[SPEAKER_00]: How could you forget that?
15:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt like such a long time ago.
15:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, that was like the best, that was like such a best, like time frame of my life ever.
15:42
[SPEAKER_01]: My oldest was a senior, you were a freshman, and I got to be an assisting coach on that team.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And we didn't have like the best record, but it was just so amazing to watch you, like because she was she was defense, you know, and so she'd set up her sister.
15:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And then your sister just crush it.
15:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you can't get a kill, unless you have the help, you know, unless you have a good pass.
16:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just really cool and then we got a new coach and my old is graduated and it was a really tough year and experience and the whole program just like changed dramatically.
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I'm like, hey, you know what you're going to have things that you don't like and that you don't agree with.
16:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That's life, you know, welcome to life kid.
16:23
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to prepare you for your future.
16:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, now we're at a spot where I don't know.
16:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Do I really try and push through?
16:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, for the rest of my high school years that I only get for so long.
16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Or do I do something about it?
16:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
16:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And we were like, what are we going to do with volleyball and shit, shit, a good club year and club coach actually coaches at the other high school.
16:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're just talking about this and then it's like other things academically.
16:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like she spent the whole year bored in her classes.
16:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we're looking at like, socially too, like, not a whole lot of people, you know, be her to hang with.
16:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was always a problem.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, I don't know, there was just like so many different areas of of it.
17:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're like, what if you change schools?
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: What was your first reaction when I said that to you?
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, no way.
17:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't change schools.
17:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't do that.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just like, it's a big mindset thing.
17:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd be leaving my best friend.
17:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd be leaving all the coaches that love me.
17:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd be leaving the sports teams.
17:27
[SPEAKER_00]: the connections I've made.
17:28
[SPEAKER_01]: There was like so much surrounding that for her of like, what about this?
17:34
[SPEAKER_01]: What about that?
17:34
[SPEAKER_01]: What about that?
17:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And at first she was like, no way.
17:37
[SPEAKER_01]: There's like, there's no way that this is going to happen.
17:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Like as much as I hate the school, what I really leave, I know.
17:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, you guys put yourself as a sixteen year old, like that's just crazy.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Well,
17:49
[SPEAKER_01]: We've gotten closer, you know, to the summer ending and the school year ending and I kept pushing her and she would start to get mad at me, like we'd get in the car and she's like, I don't want to talk about it right now.
18:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, wow, you know, I got to make some phone calls.
18:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Your dad has to make some phone calls like we need to get those small rolling.
18:04
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to find out like if you switch schools, how many games do you have to sit out?
18:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because when you're transferring the new season starts, so kids don't school jump, you have to sit out so many games and whatever.
18:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, what does that look like?
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, is it even worth it?
18:16
[SPEAKER_01]: What if you go on transfer schools and you have to sit out half the season?
18:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, is that dumb?
18:21
[SPEAKER_01]: But they were, again, there were other reasons why we're switching schools.
18:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And she would get very frustrated at it.
18:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she get very emotional because of the fear and being scared.
18:32
[SPEAKER_01]: She ended up making this decision that she was going to switch.
18:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So take us through that process.
18:38
[SPEAKER_01]: What got you from being like, I am mom, you're crazy.
18:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to do that too.
18:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
18:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do this.
18:46
[SPEAKER_00]: it was the one big like switch was when you told me the story about the divorce because I had I had so much like fear running through my head and all these what I've seen like being like what if I did what if I didn't what if I didn't like and I was so scared of regret but then I realized like there's regret at both ends of it if I stay at
19:10
[SPEAKER_00]: the high school then I'm going to be like mid volleyball season or mid-track season or mid school year because just the schools environment I just don't I just don't enjoy it.
19:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not just volleyball but what if I get mid school year and I'm like I really wish I would have changed but then what if I go to my new school and it's like I really wish I would have stayed but at least if I changed schools like I would have known
19:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Like at least I did it.
19:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how to say it.
20:00
[SPEAKER_01]: But deep down you know you're just kind of going through the motions and you're done playing small in this area of life.
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That's exactly why I created FitMine Coaching.
20:08
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20:13
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20:14
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20:19
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20:21
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20:26
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20:32
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20:39
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20:40
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20:41
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20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
20:42
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20:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's build the strongest, most competent version of you inside and out.
20:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You're ready for more, and I'm ready to show you how to this show.
20:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you wouldn't have that regret.
20:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, at least you know, you took the steps to try something new.
21:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, at least it's like the fear of the unknown.
21:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Like whatever you said, like at least I found out.
21:08
[SPEAKER_00]: At least I did it.
21:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me more about that story, like, because she told me this before, and I just was like, what?
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Because, I mean, you know the story, you lived it.
21:19
[SPEAKER_01]: We've talked about it before a divorce.
21:21
[SPEAKER_01]: What part of that got to you?
21:23
[SPEAKER_00]: The one where you were like, when you started talking about what other people thought of you and how you had to put everything aside because me moving schools, like, it would make everybody talk behind my back.
21:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody would have a different mindset about me and they think I'm like a trader and a terrible person.
21:46
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you started to say that,
21:49
[SPEAKER_00]: you had to forget what all those other people thought about you and like if they thought that you were tearing your family apart like you had to put all that aside and do what's best for you personally and like that's all that matters so then I was like wait you're right I have to do what's right for me not anybody else I can't live my life based on other people's thoughts and emotions and isn't it crazy like how much we do that
22:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we make massive life choices and decisions based on other people's feelings, thoughts and emotions and what they're going to think and everything.
22:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this decision really made me realize that.
22:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And I kept asking her, because when she would tell me no, and I'd be like, okay, well, let's dive in, because it's what I do.
22:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, well, why, why can't you?
22:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Why, why could you never do this?
22:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Why could you, what makes it impossible?
22:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And she'd be like, oh my God, I'd be letting down my old team.
22:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It was letting down my teammates, letting down my coaches, letting down my teachers.
22:56
[SPEAKER_00]: All of that.
22:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, hold on.
23:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You mean to tell me that you're going to make a decision based on everyone else's thoughts feelings emotions and everything.
23:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't a judging question.
23:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like something serious that we had to stop and go.
23:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, oh my god, I am.
23:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I am.
23:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And the story that she was talking about that I told her, I was like, I know what you're going through and I know this is completely different.
23:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that this is a whole different level.
23:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're talking about a marriage in children and changing schools.
23:33
[SPEAKER_01]: However, it's so similar because I was like, I knew what had to be done.
23:37
[SPEAKER_01]: My gut was speaking to me.
23:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I knew what changed had to happen.
23:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And there were so many outside factors that I was letting guide me that should have never guided me.
23:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was telling her I'm like, we live in Canyon Lake, California.
23:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone knows everyone.
23:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone knew Melissa and Jason.
23:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Melissa and Jason.
24:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, they're married.
24:02
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you mean?
24:02
[SPEAKER_01]: They live over here.
24:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is the house and the boat and everything that they have.
24:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone knew me as that and that identity.
24:10
[SPEAKER_01]: and people would talk and people did talk and I lost a lot of people that I thought were my ride and die.
24:17
[SPEAKER_01]: They were dying with me.
24:19
[SPEAKER_01]: They were not riding with me or dying with me.
24:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like the family that I lost.
24:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the family that, you know, I had known for twenty years.
24:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like that was I had to like let that go, but all that was impacting me like, oh my god, I could never do this without like what I'm just going to know them anymore.
24:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what are they going to think of me?
24:44
[SPEAKER_01]: What did and a lot of nasty things were said about me.
24:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately to my children, we can't ignore the fact that we make decisions based on other people.
24:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And this whole episode today is to help everyone realize like when you are doing it.
24:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that will ever stop, especially because you're like, you're good people.
25:02
[SPEAKER_01]: We're good people.
25:02
[SPEAKER_01]: We teach our kids to care about other people's feelings, right?
25:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we don't want to raise your assholes.
25:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean I don't care.
25:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It just means I can't put their needs over mine.
25:13
[SPEAKER_00]: No, are there emotions and feelings of a mind?
25:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I was doing.
25:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had to tell her, I think we're in the car that day.
25:22
[SPEAKER_01]: When I was telling you about the divorce, I think I was picking you up from school.
25:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you have no idea how scared I was.
25:29
[SPEAKER_01]: You have no idea how terrifying it was to take that next step.
25:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I had one credit card.
25:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I like didn't know how to turn on water or electricity to like a rental.
25:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, how do you even rent a place?
25:42
[SPEAKER_01]: How do we even do that?
25:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Talk about being scared.
25:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
25:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was sharing this with her.
25:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think, you know, sharing life lessons that we've learned are great teaching tools for kids later.
25:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Little did I know at that time that this would be a great lesson to help, you know, teach my children.
25:57
[SPEAKER_01]: But I had to share that with her and it was really hard.
26:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did tell her like, I didn't even know what I was going to do.
26:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And then our house, it sold in less than twenty four hours.
26:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew that.
26:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I had two weeks to pack that entire house.
26:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And do you have any idea how hard it is to sit on your kids bedroom floor and have a dad box in a mom box?
26:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did all of that.
26:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'd like to divide everything.
26:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Talk about fear.
26:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Talk about doing it anyways.
26:22
[SPEAKER_01]: because you know what you have to do, even though that other side, once you go out that door, it's ugly, it's dark, it's scary, it's unknown.
26:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that we were able to talk and work through this with her schooling as well, you know, and like, okay, if we take all the coaches and the friends and the teammates and everything out of the equation, what's left?
26:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what else would keep you there?
26:46
[SPEAKER_00]: The only thing I thought about was the track team, because the track team itself is, they were during last year and they're due to this year, because the school got smaller or the program got smaller.
27:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But that itself is a good team and the coaching, like the head coach is coaching.
27:07
[SPEAKER_00]: He's my favorite coach.
27:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I've ever had probably that's the only thing that I considered.
27:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that was amazing.
27:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
27:15
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the same time, track is an individual sport.
27:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So I could still do it and go to CIF and stuff at the new school.
27:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
27:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And still keep thriving if even if you wanted to.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, there was there there was that aspect, but again, once we took out everyone else's feelings and emotions, she had like the opportunity to just sit there and like really think about this.
27:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I doing this for myself?
27:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And the only other reason why I wouldn't change and create change for my life is because other people like what?
27:42
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
27:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
27:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And because I really did build like friendships at, of course, the previous school.
27:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was sad to leave, especially with my best friend.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But I mean, you got it still.
27:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, but then you told me the story of how you and your best friend went to different schools.
28:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And it just made your connection even stronger.
28:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was like,
28:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we hang out all the time outside of school.
28:06
[SPEAKER_00]: What's what's it get a better.
28:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
28:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was so it's such a cool moment to like sit there and lay everything out and just be like, okay, facts and feelings.
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: What's our facts?
28:17
[SPEAKER_01]: What's our feelings, right?
28:18
[SPEAKER_01]: How do we move through this?
28:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just so glad that she came on here and wanted to share the story and was willing to share the story because you guys can apply this to any areas of life, right?
28:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Like any life choice, whether it's major with deciding to get divorced or not or moving, changing schools, taking your kids and sending them to the different day care, like they're, you know, at anything.
28:44
[SPEAKER_01]: start separating is this fact or is this feelings and like are you making these decisions based on other things now we had we had other things happen that sent me emotionally and overdrive like with a authority figure she went had a conversation with the authority figure and this authority figure shoulder checked my daughter and the moment I found out that happened I was like
29:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I went into it with such like an open and positive mind and then that happened and then I talking.
29:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then my respect level just dropped so fast and then I was like, why am I here?
29:27
[SPEAKER_00]: What am I doing?
29:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It changed everything.
29:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
29:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she went up to this authority figure and was like, hey, blah, blah, blah was like calm, collective.
29:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was a, it was a conversation about the upcoming season.
29:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And the response to her was very childish, very short.
29:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And then this person walked at her and like shoulder checker.
29:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You were in a narrow space.
29:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You weren't in like a hallway.
29:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And this person made physical contact with my child.
29:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And when she got in the car and told me that, I wanted to just like explode.
30:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to turn the car around and she's like, don't mom don't.
30:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, you're right, because I'm going to respond out of reaction.
30:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Emotion.
30:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to respond out of emotion, not reaction.
30:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm definitely going to respond out of emotion.
30:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, we need to breathe and come to this.
30:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And now, like, what are you going to do?
30:16
[SPEAKER_01]: What decisions are you going to make?
30:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So I bring that story up because it's interesting when things happen.
30:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're like, I don't know what to do.
30:25
[SPEAKER_01]: The universe will give you signs.
30:28
[SPEAKER_01]: God will give you signs if you just open your eyes and look for them.
30:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that happening was a major sign.
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It was.
30:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it was like, oh, you need help making this decision.
30:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me just, let me just preview of what will happen this season for you.
30:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I was still at that school right now, and I wasn't in the transfer process, I'd be so unhappy.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It would be ruining my summer.
30:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I was still in the same position, I would have been so unhappy.
30:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And my good friend, she's actually been on the show Veronica Sysneros.
31:02
[SPEAKER_01]: She's been on here a few times.
31:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And she, when I was going through a lot of like heart choices, I
31:09
[SPEAKER_01]: said to her and was like, or she said to me, if you are in the same position next year, and nothing has changed.
31:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're in the same position, like, are you okay with that?
31:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, same position.
31:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, no, I was like, oh my God, none of that is okay.
31:24
[SPEAKER_01]: If I am here in the same exact position in a year from now, I can't do it.
31:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that.
31:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't, and that scared me.
31:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That propelled me.
31:33
[SPEAKER_01]: That little part.
31:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just wanted you guys to hear from, you know, someone else.
31:39
[SPEAKER_01]: give her an opportunity to share her story and her thoughts and fears around it.
31:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Anything else you want to share about it?
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what?
31:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know anything else that you want to do with scared literally.
31:48
[SPEAKER_00]: That's like the best piece of advice I've ever been bringing to been from home.
31:51
[SPEAKER_00]: You.
31:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Like no, just in general, like that it really just switched everything.
31:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it really just switches your mind so just do things anyway.
32:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
32:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to do it.
32:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what's on the other side of fear?
32:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw this thing.
32:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, face everything.
32:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Fear can either stand for a face everything and rise or fear everything and run.
32:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
32:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what's on the other side of fear?
32:15
[SPEAKER_00]: There's so many possibilities.
32:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not going away.
32:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was one thing that was really important for me to tell her is like, we're not going to take away your fear because fear keeps a safe.
32:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
32:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
32:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Fear is part of our brain and how we live and think and act and feel for a reason.
32:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It keeps us safe.
32:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It keeps us from jumping into fire.
32:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And if we see something in danger, like run, you know, like that, that's our response.
32:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Fear is, it plays a role.
32:40
[SPEAKER_01]: It should.
32:40
[SPEAKER_01]: But we can't let it be our guiding light.
32:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not going to take away that fear.
32:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to not be afraid to go to the school.
32:47
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to be afraid of what could happen.
32:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I am afraid to an extent, but I'm more excited than scared.
32:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a mindset.
32:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You get to choose whether or not you're going to be more excited or more fearful.
33:02
[SPEAKER_01]: That is a choice.
33:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And that all starts in here.
33:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the body and everything else will just follow.
33:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're not taking away your fear.
33:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You get to be fearful.
33:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You get to be scared.
33:13
[SPEAKER_01]: But we're going to take action and we're going to move forward.
33:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're just going to do it scared part two.
33:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
33:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So I hope you guys all can take this fun little lesson and story, share it with your kids and just let them know that like, yeah, life is hard.
33:28
[SPEAKER_01]: There's going to be a lot of hard choices to make be very aware of others feelings and emotions that you're letting come in and guide you because
33:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to, you can make decisions all on your own for you and what's best for you.
33:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And that doesn't make you a bitch.
33:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Boundaries don't make you a bitch.
33:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Putting yourself first doesn't make you a bitch.
33:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And how many females struggle with that, right?
33:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Of like, oh my god, I got a given.
33:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a given.
33:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a given.
33:51
[SPEAKER_01]: If I don't, then it makes me look like a bad mom or it makes me look like a bad friend or a bad teammate or whatever.
33:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone is responsible for themselves because no one is coming to save you.
34:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Nope.
34:02
[SPEAKER_01]: No one.
34:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So thanks for coming on today, Joe.
34:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Any last words?
34:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Nope.
34:07
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, everyone.
34:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Go enjoy the rest of your summer.
34:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And as always, follow an Instagram.
34:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It's most vocal, right in.
34:14
[SPEAKER_01]: We love answering your questions.
34:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have any other topics that you want us to cover, I'm always open.
34:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm always, I love reading your guys' messages and stuff.
34:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So everyone stay safe.
34:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Stay healthy until next time.
34:27
[SPEAKER_01]: The bottom-life podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
34:30
[SPEAKER_01]: The content shared here is not intended as medical, legal, or professional advice.
34:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Always consult with the qualified professionals before making any health fitness, financial, or legal decisions.
34:38
[SPEAKER_01]: The opinions shared on this podcast are personal experiences and insight.
34:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening.