Latest / WholeHeart Conversations / Love Asks The Hard Question: Suicide Awareness
Transcript
- 0:08Constance Lavonice: September is Suicide Awareness Month in the United States, and globally, World Suicide Prevention Day is September the 10th.
- 0:20Constance Lavonice: As a mental health professional and a fellow sister in Christ who has seen the effects of suicide on both Christians and non-Christians, I want to bring some educational awareness around this issue because Christians can struggle.
- 0:42Constance Lavonice: Christian women can experience depression.
- 0:47Constance Lavonice: Christian women can experience trauma.
- 0:51Constance Lavonice: Christian women can and do experience grief, loneliness, exhaustion, anxiety, relational pain, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts.
- 1:10Constance Lavonice: Someone's Christian identity does not make them immune to suicidal thoughts.
- 1:18Constance Lavonice: It doesn't negate your faith in Christ, but it's a cry for help.
- 1:26Constance Lavonice: Sometimes the first step toward wholeness is simply telling the truth about where you are.
- 1:36Constance Lavonice: And how would we know how someone is doing spiritually, mentally, or emotionally if we never ask?
- 1:46Constance Lavonice: Welcome to Whole Heart Conversations, a place for Christian women to grow spiritually, heal emotionally, and live whole.
- 1:59Constance Lavonice: I am your host, Constance Lavonice.
- 2:03Constance Lavonice: In Mark chapter twelve, Jesus was speaking to a scribe who had asked the question, What command is foremost of all?
- 2:15Constance Lavonice: Jesus answered in verses twenty nine through thirty one.
- 2:22Constance Lavonice: The foremost is Hear Israel, the Lord is your God, the Lord is one, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
- 2:42Constance Lavonice: The second is this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
- 2:48Constance Lavonice: There is no other commandment greater than these.
- 2:53Constance Lavonice: Sometimes loving someone means noticing that something has changed, looking beyond the smile, beyond the church clothes, beyond the I'm blessed, beyond the I'm fine.
- 3:12Constance Lavonice: Sometimes love means being courageous enough to ask a question when we notice something just doesn't seem right.
- 3:24Constance Lavonice: That person who is normally talkative, but suddenly they're quiet.
- 3:31Constance Lavonice: Maybe they've stopped returning calls.
- 3:35Constance Lavonice: Maybe they've withdrawn from church, family, or friends.
- 3:41Constance Lavonice: You hear them saying things like I just can't do this anymore.
- 3:47Constance Lavonice: Everybody would be better off without me.
- 3:50Constance Lavonice: What's the point?
- 3:52Constance Lavonice: I don't see things getting better.
- 3:55Constance Lavonice: Maybe they've experienced a significant loss, a divorce, a breakup, financial stress, a job loss, a diagnosis.
- 4:11Constance Lavonice: Maybe they're experiencing chronic pain, a traumatic experience, a major disappointment.
- 4:22Constance Lavonice: Or maybe you don't know what they're going through, but you notice a change.
- 4:29Constance Lavonice: Something is different.
- 4:33Constance Lavonice: You notice the behavioral shift.
- 4:37Constance Lavonice: You notice the conversation or lack of conversation.
- 4:43Constance Lavonice: And you may be afraid to ask a specific question because you don't want to assume or appear judgmental.
- 4:53Constance Lavonice: So, since we're discussing suicide awareness, let's talk about some of the warning signs.
- 5:02Constance Lavonice: The National Institute of Mental Health identifies warning signs such as talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or trapped, feeling like a burden, experiencing unbearable emotional or physical pain, withdrawing from others, giving away possessions, saying goodbye, taking dangerous risks, experiencing extreme mood changes, changing sleeping or eating patterns, increasing substance use, or making a plan or researching ways to die.
- 5:54Constance Lavonice: And again, these signs may be expressed in words like, I just can't do this anymore.
- 6:03Constance Lavonice: Everyone would be better off without me.
- 6:06Constance Lavonice: What's the point?
- 6:08Constance Lavonice: I don't see things getting better.
- 6:11Constance Lavonice: If you notice this, or even sense in your heart, even if you're unsure, as Christian women, love compels us to care.
- 6:27Constance Lavonice: You don't have to be a mental health professional.
- 6:32Constance Lavonice: You don't have to conduct a clinical assessment.
- 6:36Constance Lavonice: You don't even have to have the perfect words.
- 6:40Constance Lavonice: Simply allow the love of Christ, Christ in you, the Holy Spirit, to demonstrate one of the gifts of the Spirit, which is love, to provide enough courage to open the door by asking one direct and bold question.
- 7:04Constance Lavonice: Are you thinking about suicide?
- 7:08Constance Lavonice: And I know that this question may be uncomfortable or scary for you to ask, but research shows that asking someone directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or suicidal behaviors.
- 7:30Constance Lavonice: And that has certainly been my experience as a mental health professional.
- 7:37Constance Lavonice: In fact, asking directly can be one of the best ways to identify that someone is at risk.
- 7:47Constance Lavonice: So don't just talk about love, demonstrate it through our actions.
- 8:05Constance Lavonice: Love doesn't seek its own benefit.
- 8:18Constance Lavonice: One of the best things you can do when you notice someone in distress, especially someone close to you or someone you've been in consistent contact with, is to show love by expressing concern.
- 8:35Constance Lavonice: Don't ignore them.
- 8:37Constance Lavonice: You can say, I've noticed you seemed really overwhelmed lately.
- 8:44Constance Lavonice: I'm concerned about you.
- 8:46Constance Lavonice: Are you thinking about suicide?
- 8:49Constance Lavonice: Or when you said you don't want to be here anymore, I want to take that seriously.
- 8:56Constance Lavonice: Are you thinking about killing yourself?
- 8:59Constance Lavonice: If the answer is yes, pause, breathe, don't panic, and listen.
- 9:10Constance Lavonice: Don't shame them, don't lecture them, don't immediately start quoting scripture at them as though their suicidal thoughts are evidence of spiritual failure.
- 9:26Constance Lavonice: You can say, Thank you for telling me, or I'm really glad you told me, or you don't have to face this alone, and then help them connect with appropriate support.
- 9:44Constance Lavonice: The National Institute of Mental Health recommends five basic action steps.
- 9:52Constance Lavonice: The first is to ask.
- 9:55Constance Lavonice: Second, be there.
- 9:59Constance Lavonice: Third, help keep them safe.
- 10:04Constance Lavonice: Fourth, help them connect.
- 10:08Constance Lavonice: And fifth, follow up.
- 10:12Constance Lavonice: If someone tells you that they are going to kill themselves, don't leave them alone and don't promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret.
- 10:23Constance Lavonice: Help involves trusted people and professional support.
- 10:30Constance Lavonice: If there's immediate danger, call 911 or seek emergency care if you're in the United States.
- 10:40Constance Lavonice: Also, in the United States, there are psychiatric facilities with assessment offices in cities across the nation.
- 10:52Constance Lavonice: Or you can call or text 988, the suicide and crisis lifeline number, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
- 11:06Constance Lavonice: It provides free and confidential emotional support in English and Spanish 24 hours a day.
- 11:16Constance Lavonice: And you can also ask for an interpreter for other languages.
- 11:22Constance Lavonice: There's also American Sign Language support through their website.
- 11:28Constance Lavonice: Again, 988.
- 11:33Constance Lavonice: And if you're outside of the US and Canada, check for your country's suicide hotline.
- 11:43Constance Lavonice: You don't have to figure everything out yourself.
- 11:48Constance Lavonice: And if you're a woman listening who may be struggling herself, I want to talk to you now.
- 11:58Constance Lavonice: Maybe you've been the strong one, the prayer warrior, the encourager, the woman everyone calls when they need help.
- 12:11Constance Lavonice: But privately, you're exhausted.
- 12:15Constance Lavonice: You're tired of pretending.
- 12:18Constance Lavonice: You're tired of trying to hold everything together.
- 12:23Constance Lavonice: And maybe you've had thoughts that scare you.
- 12:28Constance Lavonice: I want you to hear this.
- 12:31Constance Lavonice: You don't have to hide your pain to prove your faith.
- 12:37Constance Lavonice: You don't have to suffer silently to be a good Christian.
- 12:43Constance Lavonice: And asking for help is not a failure.
- 12:48Constance Lavonice: There is no shame in saying I am not okay or I need help.
- 12:56Constance Lavonice: There is no shame in sitting across from a counselor and telling the truth.
- 13:03Constance Lavonice: There is no shame in calling nine eight eight, the suicide and crisis lifeline.
- 13:13Constance Lavonice: There is no shame in telling your pastor, your doctor, your counselor, your spouse, your friend, or someone you trust, I'm struggling, and I need you to stay with me.
- 13:31Constance Lavonice: As I stated earlier, sometimes the first step toward wholeness is simply telling the truth about where you are.
- 13:45Constance Lavonice: And as we close today's conversation, I want you to think about one person, someone you've been concerned about, someone who's been withdrawing, maybe someone who's experienced a significant loss.
- 14:05Constance Lavonice: Someone who has seemed unusually hopeless.
- 14:10Constance Lavonice: Someone who keeps saying I'm tired.
- 14:14Constance Lavonice: Someone who doesn't seem like herself or himself.
- 14:19Constance Lavonice: Maybe you've been telling yourself I don't want to intrude.
- 14:25Constance Lavonice: I don't know what to say.
- 14:27Constance Lavonice: Maybe I'm overreacting.
- 14:30Constance Lavonice: Maybe.
- 14:32Constance Lavonice: But what if you're not?
- 14:35Constance Lavonice: What if your willingness to ask becomes the doorway through which someone receives help?
- 14:44Constance Lavonice: My encouragement this week is don't assume.
- 14:50Constance Lavonice: Ask.
- 14:51Constance Lavonice: Don't judge.
- 14:54Constance Lavonice: Listen.
- 14:56Constance Lavonice: Don't promise secrecy.
- 14:59Constance Lavonice: Connect.
- 15:00Constance Lavonice: And if you have that conversation, don't disappear afterwards.
- 15:07Constance Lavonice: Follow up.
- 15:09Constance Lavonice: And most importantly, don't forget that to love is to care, not just with word or with tongue, but indeed and truth.
- 15:23Constance Lavonice: In John fifteen, verse twelve, Jesus talking to the disciples said, This is my commandment that you love one another just as I have loved you.
- 15:40Constance Lavonice: Likewise, as Christian women and disciples of Christ, we love one another as Christ has loved us.
- 15:52Constance Lavonice: And sometimes it involves asking an intentional, courageous, love-directed question that has the potential to change the trajectory of someone's life.
- 16:10Constance Lavonice: And if this message applies to you personally, talk to someone.
- 16:16Constance Lavonice: You don't have to walk through this alone.
- 16:20Constance Lavonice: And I pray that God will give us the boldness to not just speak about love, but to demonstrate it in our actions towards others.
- 16:33Constance Lavonice: In Jesus' name, amen.
- 16:36Constance Lavonice: And don't forget to subscribe for more wholeheart conversations and share this with someone you love.