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Validating Their Needs: The 1st Step to A Better Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for July 16, 2026 Validating Their Needs The First Step
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  to a Better Marriage Laura and I have met with a lot of unhappy, struggling couples.
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  The majority of the time, they are where they are because they both have valid
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  needs that are not being met or even acknowledged by their spouse.
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  The needs vary and how the people are behaving varies, but that general statement
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  covers most couples looking for help and many who are not looking for help.
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  I've talked in the past about wants versus needs and suggested that much of
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  what we discuss as a want is needed for a marriage to be healthy.
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  I won't rehash that here, except to offer a quick reminder.
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  Love is all about going beyond the bare minimum.
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  If what your spouse wants is not abusive or grossly unreasonable,
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  please treat it as a need. There's a link in the show notes if you want to read more.
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  If you and your spouse both have valid needs that are not being met,
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  your marriage is not happy.
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  And the longer those needs go unmet, the worse it gets. Some people deal with
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  this by detaching from the marriage and trying to get their needs met by others.
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  I'm not talking about adultery, but anytime you stop looking to your spouse
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  for something, it hurts your marriage.
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  Doing this more and more results in a marriage that dies with a whimper.
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  If you find yourselves in this place, the path forward is remarkably straightforward.
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  It comes down to three steps.
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  First, tell your spouse what they want is valid.
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  Second, promise to find a way to meet that need. And third, meet the need.
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  I said it was simple, not easy. But anyone can do it, if they are willing.
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  The rest this week, we will discuss how you accomplish this and what will get in your way.
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  For now, I'd like you to think about the two things you really,
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  you really need from your spouse.
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  Then consider what two things they really need from you. If you're not sure, ask.
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  Then ask God to give you the courage and determination to do what you need to do.
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  If you and your spouse both have valid unmet needs, doing what I'm suggesting
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  could make a massive difference in your marriage.
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  And while your spouse does need to get on board for it to really work,
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  you can start without them. If you start doing it, they will likely move towards you.
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  This is Paul, and validating your spouse's needs is a good first step to doing marriage well.