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When Grownups Fight Kids Hurt · Inside The Consulting Room - Understanding the Child Behind the Behaviour

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is Kim Lee from the Children's Consultancy, and this is the revised version of the introduction to the Four Stories series.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: The recording quality on the original wasn't great.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Essentially, what this is about is the telling of four true stories of families whose difficulties have resulted in progressive breakdown.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And why this is so important, why these stories are so important, is because, in a sense, they demonstrate what happens when the grown-ups in the family stop paying attention to the children in terms of their emotional development and their emotional needs, but instead get stuck in being in conflict with one another.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, although these things may appear to be perhaps insignificant on the surface, what happens is that children internalize these things, and over time significant damage can be done, and this then results in the kinds of breakdown in terms of the child's development, which can cause them to come to the attention of different services.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And well, the stories will speak for themselves.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: But the point here is that as as much as these stories are lamentable, they really are quite sad when we visualize the children.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: What I think they do offer is hope that it is possible to avoid such situations, such outcomes.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So what will happen is that the first story, which has to do with living by untruth, is broken into two parts.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this will give an example.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: They represent patterns, and that those patterns are not distinct to or belong to only one family.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: My guess would be that people who listen to these may very well be reminded of their own experiences or the experiences of others.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I should say quite unashamedly that some of the descriptions, some of the comments are not going to be easy.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this is because the purpose is to be truthful.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the truth is very powerful and it's painful.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I make no excuses for that.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I think what what it is that the stories try and accomplish is a sense of reality.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Simply put, all while you grownups are stuck in your own cycles of conflict, your children are suffering.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to wake up and pay attention.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: When families do do that, and believe me, they do, the results can be amazing.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: The outcomes can be really positive.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: But chronic repetition of acrimony, of denial, of avoidance, of manipulation finds its way into children and does long term harm.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the the reality part of it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: But also there is hopefulness in this.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost as if this is like a warning sign for others.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I'll be posting the first part of that to.