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Navigating Life's Messes To Healing · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks again.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: This is the Kingdom Mentor Podcast.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: We're so glad you could join us, live or recorded.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Today is something special.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: As you know, the Kingdom Mentor Academy is so passionate about your voice, especially those who feel voiceless.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: We help you be transformed by finding your voice, embracing it and speaking from your authentic self to have a message of healing and hope.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: So I'm really excited about our guests because I think we're going to get some fitness help.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: I think we're going to get some mental help and we might even go into the relationship help.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: So my guest is Kathy Owens.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: She is a certified fitness trainer and coach.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: She specializes in assisting women age 50 and above.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I love that, and she's author of the book the Truth Bubbles Up.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: So you please help me.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Welcome, kathy Owens.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Hey, kathy, hi, thank you for having me.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You bet you know what's really cool about you, kathy, is you're someone who shows up on Instagram.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Now, kathy and I, we have the same coach, jasmine Tsar, and we were on a challenge for recording live every day, weren't we?
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: And that's where I started seeing.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I love the way she shows up.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I love her content, so it's a real treat.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: And, thinking of that, I was saying we might hit fitness, we might hit the mental, definitely, and my relationship.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I think we could even hit how to show up if someone really wants to use their voice.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: So anyway, thank you, kathy.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Why don't you introduce yourself real briefly and we'll just?
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Hey, girl, I'm just going to dive in you, if you're watching live or recorded.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We're having coffee together, okay, and you just get to join us.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, kathy, tell us a little bit more about you.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me today.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: My name is Kathy Owen.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I certified fitness trainer and certified life coach for 20 plus years now and I'm also the corporate wellness and fitness director at a large company in Texas where an up bomic supply company.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: But I work with all ages, but my specialty is older adult fitness.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I've been training older adults since before I was even older or so.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome and thank you for having me today.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, one thing I think is such a benefit is when we kind of dive into the backstories, because I really think it's our backstories that bring us to who we are today.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Like we're, kathy and I are not coming to you together with all our act together, we're just very real.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: We've got our issues, our struggles, our victories.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: So tell me, how did what was the motivation drive to to get into, you know, the certified fitness to get into the many areas that you're in?
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So I would say it happened about in the year 2000,.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: I was going through a divorce.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I had been taking water aerobics, of all things, because as weird as this is going to sound I didn't want to sweat and now I love to sweat, but I loved water aerobics.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: So I was only like 35 at the time and I fell in love with the older adults and they, just the inspiration that they gave me, they, they love my kids.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: We'd go out to eat pizza and my kids are like mom, you know all the old people in town.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, that's cause that's what I work with.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: And then I started teaching silver sneakers, which is chair exercise.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I got certified to teach that and it was funny because I'd come into class on a Monday and you know they I'd walk in the door.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: How's everybody doing?
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: They go, oh, it's Monday, they'd be, you know, complaining about it being Monday.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like wait, wait, wait, one second.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: People are retired.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: Why are you complaining about a Monday?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: And you know they'd laugh and we'd get into exercise and all that good stuff.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I just fell in love with the older adult population and now today I'm considered an older adult and I got a certified specialist fitness for older adults and that's just where it took off and blossomed and I just became known in the community as the trainer for older adults.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: And that's actually how I got my job at Ocusoft, because I started training the owner of Ocusoft and she found me through the Y actually her husband, which is the co-founder of this huge company, multimillion dollar company and they found me and hired me as her trainer.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: And then she said we're opening a gym for our employees.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Would you like a job?
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: And I'm like an actual paycheck with health insurance.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm there, and so that's where I started there 10 years ago.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it's amazing One connection can make a difference.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, for sure, For sure.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: And you never know when that's going to happen.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: You always just got to keep the attitude of being upbeat and positive and you know, just never know.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: And also, you never know what you contribute to somebody else's life when it comes to fitness, and what you and I are doing, even online.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah for sure.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: What in particular do you enjoy about doing the job you're doing now?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: As far as is it the people, is it just the routine?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what do you enjoy?
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: The people.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: I love that they come in.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: You know, most people don't like to exercise and they, or they think they don't, so they come in with an attitude.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: I have some people that come into the gym and they're like, oh God, I'm here, but they leave feeling better.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: So what?
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: I answer to your question.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I love just how it changes people's lives and then they start to find connections of ways that they like it.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I just have a gift for finding what somebody likes to do and then building on that, because, you know, not everybody's going to like to run on treadmill, not everybody's going to like to do water rubrics, but if I can find that little spark, that's all it takes is a spark.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And you know you obviously use a lot of your mental keys.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: You well, you forgive my cat he's gonna wanna join us.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: What did you graduate with?
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I have a degree in psychology.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: So I have a Bachelor of Science in psychology and I spent many years in therapy too, so that's contributed to a lot of the mindset stuff that I teach, because, really and truly, if you find me on social media, I'm gonna be talking about mindset, habits, reality creation, those types of things as opposed to fitness, just because I'm a firm believer if I can get inside your brain or just like that spark that I was talking about, so yeah, that's pivotal.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I think it's pivotal, you know, because, like when they come in and say, oh, they got the mindset, oh it's Monday, you know, terrible Monday.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And instead of waking up and saying, hey, this is Monday, what do I get to do?
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Not do, but what do I get to be, I think that's so crucial.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Now I just I feel a little intimidated because all I do is walk right now, and I'm 60 years old, so I just want movement.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: But this is my question for you as your voice how important is this mental?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Now let's just go physical first.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: How important is it physically?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Obviously, you gotta maintain your voice, but what would you say is a key?
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: That physical part is to add your actual voice.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, it all comes down to one thing, I'm gonna tell you it's your heart, it's all and it is physical.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Your heart and your lungs are the most important muscles in your body.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: So if you train those and I train, I teach and I train heart rate zone training.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: So we take the heart rate up to the max number that is for you and then just briefly and then bring it back down, which happens to get oxygen going through your body better, and so you start feeling better and it just like it's snowballs.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: It's snowballs when you learn that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: So I'm thinking of our listener listening and they're like well, do I have to go to a gym or is there some techniques I can use at home to like start doing that?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, yes, for example, you like to walk.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: So what I would recommend is just walking fast briefly, like I saw in your reel the other day, where you're trying to get away from the storm, but you take your heart rate up and then bring it back down.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: And here's the good news is the down number, where it's low, is the good number, it's where the magic happens.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: So you only have to hit the high number and get winded briefly and then bring it back down Mm-hmm.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: That makes I have like two different routes in the neighborhood that I'm living in currently, and the one route has heels, has a steep heel and I know there's some days like Theresa, you need to get your heart going a little faster instead of lolly-dagging on the other one, but I like that.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's doable.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: My knees I used to be an avid runner.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I used to like have a weight issue.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Cathy and I would run five, six days, five or six miles all the time.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I'd run three miles, I'd run two miles and the weight wasn't coming up, coming off.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I personally think a lot of it was up here.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: If you start thinking you're fat and you gotta lose weight, that does a number in your mind and your narrow pathways where you're never gonna lose weight.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Of course, I found that out later.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, cathy, like my weight started to come off and I had this is terrible, I had no motivation.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, my weight's off.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I lost my motivation to go to the gym and to run, obviously realizing years later wait, I got a key to keep it up.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: So anyway, it's just funny how you have these different mindsets and different ideas, but mine was truly to lose weight.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: So let's go into.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I really I just feel in this right now.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about those that really want to share their voice, if this is okay.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I just love it that we have social media, that we can show up and be seeing.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: What are some of your keys when you, what is in the back of your mind when you show up on social media?
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: So I don't know, I just feel so comfortable doing it.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: And once I started doing it, like you mentioned, we were in social curator together.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Our coach encouraged us to do that, and so I started going live and all of a sudden, I had friends reaching out to me, going, you're the person I need to talk to.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: You're the person I need to talk to and I'm like Jasmine was right.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is correct, it's what?
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: And it just it makes me feel so blessed that somebody goes.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Kathy's the one that talks about the habits and I need to get in the habit of this and she can make it easy.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: And because you know, you mentioned motivation a moment ago on my website, at the very top it says lack of motivation sucks.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Don't let that be you, because I'm a firm believer in the way you think is going to affect what happens.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Just like you said, it does affect weight loss, it does affect everything.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Thoughts are the key and I'm also a firm believer in consistency, because you get on there one time and it's not gonna feel comfortable, it's not gonna be easy, but that's just life in general, and and the more you do it, the more comfortable you get and the better it feels.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: And then the Feedback that you get is just.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: And even if you don't get it, you know I don't do it for the feedback, I do it for my heart, because I'm called to do it.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I know that I'm called to do it Whether one person shows up or nobody shows up.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I know I'm including others because even at Ockey soft I work here at the company, I have a job, I'm getting paid, but they're following me and then they see it and then they come ask me questions.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Part of my job here at Ockey soft is to promote wellness, to promote mindset.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: So everything I do goes hand in hand and by touching their lives, that's that just makes me complete.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: It's just like I'm happy.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so awesome and you know it is a.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: You know, you, we all can remember our first time.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time on radio.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: It's like All of a sudden I could barely talk, first time going live.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: You know, I went live for a lot.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I want to say something on Facebook back in the years.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: So when this challenge came on Instagram, I didn't go as regularly on Instagram and so all of a sudden I, you kind of get in this.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I call it the sweet spot.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: You kind of get looking into the camera, okay, let's use some filters to help Teresa out on those bad days, but you can.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Then they say you know, I'm like, hey, this was just like I used to talk at Facebook.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: And no, no, listen, listen, listen, you.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, I said radio and Kathy says she's comfortable.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: But if you want to be good at anything, it takes practice and who cares if no one likes it?
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Like, I love your mindset, I'm the same way.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: It's like I can go on Instagram live and you know, get me a few likes, take that video, or go over to TikTok and I get.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: You know, every, every audience is different.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: And no, I will say Facebook has really changed the algorithm and I've just decided if I talk to one person, that's more than zero.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Used to be, I'd go live Facebook and well, you get all this traction and people watching.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: But I think the biggest thing is what you do so well is you show up, kathy.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: So will you speak to someone who knows?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: You know our voices plays in so many different roles, even if we just have a day job.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: But how are we gonna show up in the meeting?
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: How are we gonna show up speaking?
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe you're a coach, like Kathy in a way, and you will know that you have to speak.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Do you know?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: The 82% of the internet now is is going and is at video.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: So if you're a coach, you got a program, you're a mental coach or you know you got to get on.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So what would you encourage them?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Maybe they're getting on, but they just they're still feeling stuck.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Is there anything you would encourage them to keep going?
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I would say just practice, practice, practice, practice and just do it and Also, most important, be consistent.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so if you start you I put I block out my calendar and you know, if I can't do it.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: There's a difference, and I coach this all the time.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: There's a difference between self-care and An excuse, thanks.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: So I don't make excuses, but I do take care of my stuff if I have to do something.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: But I've had people ask me, yeah.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: So when I first started they asked me who you weren't there on Thursday.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Where were you?
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I was looking for you because I try to go live Tuesday and Thursday morning at 8 30 and if it happens, it happens, but if it doesn't, it doesn't.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: But I try to make at least two times a week minimum and to be consistent.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: And I've had so many coaches tell me that and this is true in everything in life that if it's like watching of your favorite sitcom, it comes on every Tuesday and 7 pm and If it doesn't come on you're mad and it's like wait a minute.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Where are you?
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: so you want to make sure that you're there and showing up because, believe it or not, somebody is watching.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: Even if they're not watching live, they will watch later, and Even if they don't, it doesn't matter.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I've had a YouTube channel for Three years now, since 2020, and I've been consistent for the last Two years probably on Mondays or Tuesdays, and I show up every week, whether I give views or not.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: And you know I, I just, I just do it, I just make myself do it, make a commitment, put it in my calendar just like a meeting, and just do it.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Is it comfortable?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not comfortable, I will tell you that, but it doesn't matter.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: Just do it and your voice needs to be heard, whoever you are.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I love that, that you scheduled that in.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I mean I think you should schedule rest in, so why not, should I schedule?
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I'm a little more spontaneous in this time of my life.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: This isn't my identity, but I lost my husband over a year ago.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: So I'm learning new freedoms.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you, girl, I, when I go for a walk and get the heartbeat going, my mind gets going.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I started thinking of ideas so I got this little handy thing that I can stick on a telephone pole and, like I got to get this out, you know I'm gonna burst.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's what happened?
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I probably need to be a little more consistent, but I guess with this I get everyone's different.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I think with my personality.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Like yesterday, I was getting ready to go shoot, to spend the day out in the field shooting video, and I was like I had already written my posts.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: You know, I always I really get my posts from a deep place.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of times just the overflow of my relationship with God.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: So I had just written something that was so deep on my heart and I'm like no, this needs to be a video.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And the whole essence was basically what we're talking about.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I'm calling you out, I'm calling you out.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: There's some Debra's, the esters, some all these Bible names of people who represent women, warriors, and we.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: You know what, kathy, I am calling people out because and that's why I love to have you as a guest Because you have been felt something, you've called yourself out and you have made an appointment With your ideal client Okay, I have a marketing.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: You made an appointment to help people, okay, and then a process of that see and listen, guys, kathy has a job still, so it's great, she has a job that pays her, but she's doing something extra and I like what you said you know you're called to it.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: So some people know they're called to it and a lot of times those are the people I Love to speak to deep down that there's stages for you or there's a YouTube channel and and you just got to get.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: You just got it.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: You got to get yourself out there.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Now let's pause on that thought.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I Know Kathy'll agree with me.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: You want to speak.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I'm a healed place.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: So if you got a lot of messes, don't bring your messes, don't bring your relationship issues on camera.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Believe it or not, I was in the midst of messes and I was.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: That was my golden rule.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell them what's going on.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I do, kathy, but a lot of time what was going on became a message that I would speak to them.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Even they would never know that I was speaking to myself.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Can you speak to that Area of making sure you're healed and whole?
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: That doesn't mean if you have messes you can't speak.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: But how do you walk that line?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I know, you know oh my gosh, this is a great question.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I love this question.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: So I love how you said a minute ago this is not my identity.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: You quickly inserted that, which is so important, because I once heard a coach say we speak from our scars, not our wounds.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: So when something happens, I've been through a lot of trauma in my life.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Actually, I'm diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder, but that's not my identity.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Just like you said, I love that and I speak from a place of healed.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I've definitely healed, but I went through a custody battle that last 14 years I Was married to a narcissist, those types of things.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: It's.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: It's a lot of pain, a lot of triggers that can trigger other people too, and I've learned to talk about it in a way that it's almost like I'm talking about somebody else that it happened to, because it doesn't.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: I don't even feel like I'm that person anymore.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: It's very just like you said, just like I started, but you're not that identity and once you get to that place, then you can talk about it.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Can I address this?
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of people I'm gonna talk about your identities Is basically your voice, it's what you can.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: If you look at your past, you can see threads of your identity, like let me give you example when I was a kid, I loved stages.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: So we had lived in this old house and I climb up the steps and pretend like I was a preacher.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: I was Catholic, so I did a homely.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Then we moved and there were no steps.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: So do you know what I did?
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I love microphones.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: I love I tipped over an apple cart to climbed on top of that and I was saved.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Then I preached the birds, the bees and apple trees.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: But there was a thread.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Now what do I do today?
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: I open up my Apple computer, I get on my Apple phone.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Do you see the thread?
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: So that it Okay, oh yeah, that's, you can look at your past.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Now, listen, you say that don't work for me.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I had a terrible past.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: You can get healed and serve the people you once were.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: So doesn't matter what's in your past.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I do like to be sensitive, because some people don't have a great past, so let me just touch on that identity thing.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: A lot of people, kathy, though, like they understand that identity.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: When I say identity In Christ, knowing who you are and who's you are, if I don't mind, I just feel real passionate about sharing the sharing a little more.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: They're like okay, identity Christ, what do you mean by that?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Well, I used to say, just go to the declarations, but now I believe I've, I'm learning, I love studying Vineyards, okay, and so I actually asked chat GPT this morning Give me a little, because I know, I know what I know, but I wanted a little more threads.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: When the grapevine grows, were the branches, jesus, the vine, what half?
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: How does that grapevine supported?
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: It's supported by the trellis.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: The trellis, you know.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: We get burdened.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: What are we supported by?
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: So part of your identity, identity, is that quiet time of worship, of prayer, of the scriptures, however, that works for you.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not preaching to you, it's, it's rest.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm really being challenged to Schedule and rest because I know, mentally, that is such a key that we miss its community, having those people who celebrate who you are and not, you know, bash you for who you're not.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: So you weave that up into identity and I think, kathy, I think you're a good example.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: You've come through a terrible situation but instead of turning bitter, you turn better.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: You got to in.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Instead of staying there, you use your mental skills to rise up in expectancy and look at you now.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I love that because I have my own story.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: But, but so we're going to identity.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: It is important.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I love that we're speaking about speaking, because it I really just feel people need to be encouraged in this.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: It is important that you speak from a whole place, so, as you're healing, that doesn't mean you can't go on like I did wait after my husband died, kathy, I was totally shut down in the midst.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you know this.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: October 3rd 2021, he got 30 degree burns over 30% of his body.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: We were cleaning up the area, put a piece of Chinese and I looked to my right and he's fully inflamed.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: We were moving, so I had.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: He didn't want to go to the hospital, so my identity was nurse T.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Go to where we are moving.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Terrible place.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Kids finally see him.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: He's yellow, he's shrinking.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I was so wrapped up thinking it was his burn Into the hospital by February and diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and once again, they're really with that point, though he was so far gone going to the hospital.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: He did go to the hospital, but but what was my identity, nurse T?
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: I had to put down the Kingdom mental Academy.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I had to put down my voice over business.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I had to put down my this, but I didn't care.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, I wasn't like, oh, it was me, it was like this is my role.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: And In that trauma, in the midst of all that, you can lose your voice.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Is that correct?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: How did you gain your voice?
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Because I know if all you have to say is that one more n-word and I know you went through hell, excuse me.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you have any steps like that of how you oh yeah.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I have a really, really, really.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I have a theory that saved my life.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: It saved my life and it could save yours too, if you're going through something.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: So I spent many years in therapy because of obviously because of it was horrible, it was a horrible situation and my therapist had this theory of psychology.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: That is just.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I talk about it a lot on my YouTube channel and my blog.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I talk about it, but Basically, you need to get to Victor and it's a triangle.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: It's a triangle and Victor's at the top.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: That's God, what a universe, whatever you want to call it and actually it surrounds the entire circle, but at the bottom of the circle we have a victim and we have a victimizer, and then there's a circle eight.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: That goes back and forth and you cannot get out of it until you get to Victor.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: So, to explain it in simple terms, what happened was I'd be in therapy and I'd be complaining, complaining, complaining, complaining about everything this man did to me, and my therapist used to say the Holy Spirit speaks in short terms, very short, quick Statement, okay.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: And so she told me she would go, and I can still hear her say in this is day She'd be sitting back, she's hip-hackered chair.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: She goes and you expected something different from that man, you know, and if finally sunk in she, I wrote about this in my book and I said it.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: I Probably finally sunk in, but I I got to Victor by listening to the Holy Spirit, by, you know, finding that, okay, the man's not gonna change.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: And I use this so many times.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I tell people this all the time and you know, I can hear the Holy Spirit now because of her, because she taught me that new, of course, and miracles, and the thing is that she passed away in 2019, but I still hear from her.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I still hear her.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: She has a Texas accent, yeah, texas accent, and I can hear her going.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: You expect and you know, just get to Victor, get to Victor.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Get to Victor, because here's the thing we do victim, victimizer, probably the worst inside our own heads with ourselves.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just like me complaining about him.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: He didn't know, he didn't care.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: You know, he's out there still having a good time.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting over here complaining about it.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I give him that power, you know, so that just so, victor, you said that so well.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I always I said to my therapist I saw her after I gone through some counseling and and I thought I was doing better, I was in the word, but I knew I needed some of that mine thing.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: And I can hear her.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: She's alive, I still.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: She's becoming one of my best friends.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I can still hear her.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Who said, who said that about you?
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: What I was complaining.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I was saying I just know they are gonna make a living with my passion and she takes back.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Who said that?
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: Who said that?
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah, I say and just expect the great it, what's gonna be the greatest thing, and that what I recently said.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Well, what if I expect what's the worst thing?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: She's okay to face it, but then put your you know, put your what does research say over that and put it on.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: So that is you know.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad we're talking about this because I think this particular.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I believe in marriage, but I don't believe in abuse.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: God calls us together to heal each other, not kill each other.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: And you may have some struggles in your marriage Most marriages do but when that, when that struggle becomes the point of control and verbal abuse and mind games.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: That's not you, that's, that's not what God intended.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: You know, I Lend the latter years before he passed.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I was starting to gain my voice, kathy.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I was starting to have a kingdom mentor Academy where I taught women about their identity.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I was talking about their voice but wasn't going to the actual you know, this is how you speak and the mind games.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Then it's like I'm sorry, I'm gonna be real blunt, it's just like it became.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: There's something that with your brain and listen, this was a well-known man who had the gifts of Prophetic and everything.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Well, the gifts are irrevocable.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: So, anyway, I'm just be someone's listening.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: I just have such a heart for them, kathy, and we're two sides of the same thing.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: We got help and I honestly, yes, you have to forgive, but forgiving isn't forgetting.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: You gotta deal with the trauma there.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: You got to go through the repair.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: You got to get over the drama of your trauma.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: You got to get out of fried, tried and crucified.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: But I think you need help.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: I think almost everyone should be on therapy at one sense or another.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And what do you feel about that?
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, for sure.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: So you know, we kind of started this with talking about our coaching and Jasmine star and I think I think, as a coach and also Also needing to be coached, I'm not therapy is super important.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: It is dramatic.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't be here today if I didn't go to therapy.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: So she saved my life for sure.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I will definitely say that because it changed everything.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: But then I also do research.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: I'm coachable.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: You've got to be coachable across the board, in all aspects of life, even no matter where you are.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: You know we all need to be coached.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Even my therapist would say she, I mean, you got to think about it, a therapist.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: Here's a lot of of Horrible stories and they need to be get that out as well.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: So I used to work with child abuse and and, and I worked with the child advocates and so I got there.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I got certified to teach parenting class and when I was doing that, they talked about the CPS.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: People see the most Horrible things you can even think of.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: So therefore, they need therapy, they need coaching.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I think, in every aspect of life to only get better, you need a coach.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: You need somebody that has that expertise in the field that you're looking to improve on and go with that and Investing in yourself is kingdom.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Someone's listening is I don't have the money.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Finding a way to invest in yourself.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Find the right therapist, of course, but everyone has different routes, like I was a big reader of Dr Caroline leaf for years and my therapist is a certified facilitator for care of Dr Caroline leaf.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: So it's like so much you know.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: You know what this is, what I'm trying to say.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: And science Is now catching up to the Bible.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Like I was asking my friend for some examples more.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: What does research say about forgiveness?
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: What does research say about building again?
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: So you get it's fun to get the research of science and then bring it and then whoo, here comes the Bible, the right thing, or here's the right thing.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Can I give you one?
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: That's one of my favorites, kathy?
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: It's called the expectancy mode, and this might be for someone.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: The expectancy mode is like, okay, You're working through your forgiveness, you're working through the Tried, fried and crucified stage, you're working through all that, but you can still have a mindset of expectancy because it comes from so important.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: It comes from a foundation of thankfulness.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Be thankful will do more for your mental health than anything.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: But then you bring that thankfulness and you expect Okay, I don't have provision, but I expect to have provision.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, I don't have the right clients or I don't have any clients, I'm just starting, but I'm gonna expect it.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: And Because if you look at the biggest expectation In the Bible, jesus had five loaves, five fishing at five thousand.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Do you think he was?
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm gonna do this?
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: No, he broke the bread for our sex, for our sex.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: He said thank you, father.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Boom, he fed the five thousand.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: I love that because that mean there's other examples I get really excited about because the expectancy mode is something I've had to walk in After losing my husband and then starting all over again.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: You know, working on myself, making sure I don't.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't go on camera all during his, his Cancer because I've typed a journal, but I just didn't.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I just didn't feel released and he was becoming a strong man into a Withered man.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: That's just.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: I didn't feel that was necessary and I say all that to say.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: But let me tell you it's still hard because people are Literally I feel like you get beat up.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Now this is another little tip for someone if you know someone who's really struggling or their family members struggling, I show some care.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: I got so many.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: We're praying, we're believing, oh, he's gonna be healed.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I believe that too, but do you see what I'm going through?
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I even had people message me.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: You just don't have enough faith.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: So do you see what Of all of that, inside my Christian world, I Asked a friend who's a retired psychologist another great and I said what do I do?
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: And she says just say thank you.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna mess with your, your voice.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: But the final thought I know Kathy wants to encourage you to.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, by the way, if you want to read more, please do pick up her book.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: The truth bubbles up.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: Will you do that and get a little even deeper help?
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Because I know Kathy goes in depth of some of her Victories and I love you said we're not.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: If you walk in the victim mode, you're never gonna get help.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: I Tell my therapist I am not a victim.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: If you see any victim, you knock that out.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not a victim.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: And she's like yeah, okay, the truth bubbles up.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Finding your voice, learning to find your lane, your identity, any, any final thoughts that surface up is I jabbo the way at you.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: You know, as we go, I want to talk about what you went through and how people were acting and how they weren't caring.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, back to it goes back to the same thing that I coach with my fitness clients.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: There's a difference between self-care and an excuse.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: There's a difference between caring for you and somebody just giving you.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: You know, one of my most polarizing topics is Toxic positivity, because I do not believe in that concept at all.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I think it is.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: So.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I think what happened was that's inauthentic positivity.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: When somebody's telling you that it's not toxic Because it's forced.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: That's a forced positivity.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: People don't know how to handle a real serious, traumatic, trauma situation there or somebody dying in front of them.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: They just don't know.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: So they don't know how to Express their concern or you know, which goes parallel with the excuse type of thing.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: So it's just a mindset shift.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: It's self-care.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: You got to take care of yourself first and then you can care for others, obviously.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: But you know also, don't, don't force your positivity.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: Be authentic, feel the emotion and work through it.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: And and you know what I've learned through the process is it?
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: The pain goes away.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Especially, it'll go away the sooner that you feel it and you love it.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you realize that they're happening for you, not happening to you.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: You know we're not a victim.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Go back to the victim victimizer thing.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: Don't go there.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Go to Victor.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Which means it realizes this is happening for me.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not to me that.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I think you touched on a great thing having Taking care of yourself, having compassion on yourself.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, if there was one thing I love there were a lot of things I learned but I think a big one was I don't have to think I'm not enough, I'm gonna take care of myself right where I am.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: And Of course you know I spent, since my eyes and spas, I mean I like, okay, how much time do I have?
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I got at least get two hours, not religiously, I mean, I just that's where I've just been soaking to get healing on top of everything else.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: But anyway, I, self-compassion, take care of yourself.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: That might mean get your butt out and go to the gym or go walk.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean Kathy could sit here all day long and tell you about those benefits, but I think we're getting to the core to get to those benefits.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: And I'm so excited that you were vulnerable and authentic With me, kathy, because really, truly, the power of your voice is really comes from your authentic self.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not bashing my husband.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I might have surprised a few people as I started just slowly to share this, but I want to make sure I'm sharing and I'm sure Kathy has maybe has more years on this.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure I'm sharing from a healed place.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, the Grief is not linear.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: It's not like, okay, I did that.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: No, it's like all-encompassing in some days.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: But take care of yourself, friend.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: If you're listening this live or recorded, take care of yourself.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Have compassion on yourself.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Wow, we really got in some good stuff.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I'm so thankful for you.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: You're watching live or recorded.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: This is Kathy Owens and you're listening to the Kingdom Mentor podcast.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: We're so glad you've joined us and, kathy, I will be continuing Saying Kathy's showing up now.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: I know you're scheduled time, so do you think I need to go scheduled?
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: I still keep free wheel, free will, it is.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: I think the free works for you.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: It does.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: I don't have that self-care to you're you're consistent.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: If you're not consistent Is when you need to put it in a schedule.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: You know, and that's where I was just trying to get consistent and now that I am, I Really don't have a set schedule.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: I just try to make two days a week, for sure that I go live, and you know, just be consistent.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: That's that's key.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: I do think when you're starting out, you might make it, make yourself to make a time, or make or Say I'm going to do this because you'll feel a lot better afterwards.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: I've been on social media since like 2009 so I can roll out of bed and think I have something to say.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: That's my cat and my Bible.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: I just that's what's cool.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: The more you fill up with what heals you and feels you and is the real thing, the more it will drip out.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Don't expect to be.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Don't compare yourself with Kathy or me.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Please don't compare yourself.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you go back on my YouTube channel, kathy, like 10, 12 years ago, one minute I'm preaching the world.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: The next minute I'm selling a golf product.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was just all over the place 15 and a half years in radio.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: I wanted to talk.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm maybe you're not average.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I'll look in the camera and I get excited.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: All some ideas come like I'm talking way too much on an interview, but I think we're chilling together, we're having coffee, so for sure, I just want to speak.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: Blessings over you.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you for making a difference in people's lives, thanks you for your heart, that you care for people over 50, and I just see God opening more doors to fill in any cracks that are left over from the damage, and I feel like that.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: The hand of grace is so heavily on your, on your life, and I'm excited to see how that grace turns you into even a more.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: You're already prolific, but even a more voice because, kathy, we need your voice.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: The world is listening, listening online and I probably at home.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: So you, I pray you keep speaking, because you're a beautiful, beautiful light in a very dark world.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: So, thank you so much.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you, that's the same about you.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: The feeling is mutual.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Well, we appreciate you watching the Kingdom Mentor podcast.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, do us a favor.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: The way we spread this is we have reviews.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Would you review it?
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: Would you share it, maybe with a friend on on Instagram or on Facebook, to get the word out, because I think especially this particular message is hope for someone.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: Maybe someone you know Needs to hear Kathy's words, kathy's Victor story.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: So please share it and we'll talk to you in the next Episode.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining the Kingdom Mentor podcast.