Latest / The Daily Sarcast / September 10th, 2026: Fat Bear Week, Apple's New Phone + Watch And My Uber Rides

Transcript

September 10th, 2026: Fat Bear Week, Apple's New Phone + Watch And My Uber Rides · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is brought to you by Pick a Direction. Are you tired of the
• 0:04
  awkward sidewalk dance? You move left, they move left, you move right, they move right.
• 0:10
  Now you're both standing there, moving side to side, like you're doing some
• 0:14
  choreographed dance that you never, ever signed up for.
• 0:17
  With Pick a Direction, there's only one rule.
• 0:21
  Pick one. You want to go left? Great. Right? Perfect. Just choose a direction
• 0:26
  immediately and go that way.
• 0:28
  Don't have any hesitation, no eye contact, no synchronized panic.
• 0:32
  Pick a direction, because sometimes the most important decision you can make today is left or right.
• 0:38
  It's weird when somebody gets one thing right, and the one thing almost clears
• 0:42
  them of all their other sins. Chris Rock.
• 0:45
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I gave you the news, and maybe you'll laugh.
• 0:50
  I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today, September 10th, 2026.
• 0:54
  I want to give a big shout out to all my new daily sarcast listeners if that's
• 0:59
  you thank you so much for following I really appreciate it,
• 1:04
  and make sure you hit the follow button so you never miss an episode like and subscribe.
• 1:11
  In real news, it's time for America's most important annual election, Fat Bear Week.
• 1:18
  This is when Americans decide which bear is the fattest of them all.
• 1:23
  Fat Bear Week returns September 22nd through the 29th in Alaska,
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  where brown bears spend the summer
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  doing what many of us would consider an irresponsible amount of eating.
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  Except for the bears, it's actually for survival.
• 1:36
  The bears literally gorge themselves on salmon throughout the summer,
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  and they try to put on as much weight as possible before hibernation.
• 1:44
  So you might look at a bear and think, that bear needs to lay off the carbs.
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  But actually, that bear is doing a very good job preparing for winter.
• 1:52
  This competition started back in 2014 as Fat Bear Tuesday, and then the following
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  year expanded into a full week.
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  Now, thousands of people vote in head-to-head matchups to decide which bear
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  deserves the title of fattest bear.
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  And yes, the Bears are judged entirely on their ability to become enormous.
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  Last year's champion was Bear 32, better known as Chunk, who beat out the competition
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  to become the fattest bear in Alaska.
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  Previous winners also include Grazer, Holly, and the legendary Otis, who won three times.
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  The 2026 lineup has not been fully announced yet, but several Bears are already
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  getting attention, including Bear 910, a mother bear who could be a serious contender this year.
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  This competition is very respectful because there's no swimsuit portion and
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  there's no talent portion and absolutely no expectation that these contestants
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  have been working on themselves,
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  you can just eat an alarming amount of salmon and let the public decide if you're fat enough,
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  finally a competition that most of the world can relate to.
• 2:59
  Apple unveiled its first folding iPhone yesterday because the next big innovation
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  in technology is making your phone slightly more difficult to lose in your purse.
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  The new iPhone Duo costs $2,000 and opens like a book, which has a 7.6-inch screen.
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  Apple says it has a remarkable hinge.
• 3:20
  That's a very Apple way of describing something Samsung has been doing since 2019.
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  Essentially the iphone has now turned into an ipad mini and cost as much as a macbook pro,
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  apple also announced new apple watches that can recognize sounds take notes
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  on conversation and replay the last 15 seconds of something someone said i'm
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  sure people are going to love using that one in arguments,
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  so basically your apple watch cannot listen to your conversations your airpods
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  can hear everything around you and your phone always knows exactly where you
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  are But don't worry, Apple says your privacy is still very important to them.
• 3:59
  Jimmy Kimmel Live might be ending next season. Or it might not be either.
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  Because cancellation rumors always need a cancellation rumor.
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  So this week there were rumors going around that Kimmel's contract would not
• 4:12
  be renewed after the upcoming season, which would bring the show to an end in 2027, after 24 years.
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  But ABC immediately came out and was like, oh my god that's not true inaccurate like,
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  like truly fake news at its best so Kimmel returns from a summer break on Tuesday
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  and before he could even finish his first monologue the internet had already
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  thrown him a retirement party,
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  Kimmel has been hosting the show since 2003 and is now the second longest running
• 4:43
  late night host in tv history behind Johnny Carson,
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  I mean it's also not that crazy of a rumor because Kimmel and his wife,
• 4:51
  who is also the show's executive producer, have publicly discussed the possibility of Kimmel retiring.
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  And with everything that went on this past year with ABC possibly pulling his
• 5:03
  show because of his Charlie Kirk comments, Jimmy Kimmel's job security is more
• 5:07
  plot twist than a Bravo reunion.
• 5:09
  But for now, this show still goes on.
• 5:12
  In Lindsay life. Yesterday, I started to become a full person again. I did my laundry.
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  I filed for unemployment. I cooked.
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  And then I realized I wasn't hungry, so I put the food away.
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  Then I decided it was finally time for me to leave the house for the first time
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  since I've been home the past few days so I met my sister downtown,
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  and I lasted I think no more than three hours before I had to crawl back to
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  my couch because I am literally that exhausted,
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  all of the crazy uber drivers that I've had over the course of my last show,
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  okay so I arrive in Dallas It's like my first day of work.
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  The Uber driver comes and picks us up at the airport and he tells us that he
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  doesn't have any space in his trunk.
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  And me and my coworker both have like two huge suitcases. So he had to like
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  awkwardly shove them both in the front seat.
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  And then down in Nola, me and the same co-worker, by the way,
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  this is all the same co-worker because we were like partners, basically.
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  We get into this Uber and the Uber driver was like, you have to put your back
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  your backpack in the back of my trunk because you might stab me.
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  And I didn't have to do it because apparently I didn't look like I was going to stab him.
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  But my coworker, who literally could not even hurt a fly, I'm pretty sure,
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  he told him, like, you need to put your backpack in the back seat.
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  And I was like, I'm pretty sure we're not going to stab you. Can we please go?
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  And then there was the guy in Chicago who didn't speak any English,
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  made every single wrong turn, and then dropped us off at arrivals instead of
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  departures for our flight.
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  Oh, then there was one guy in, I could not tell you what city it was.
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  He asked us if we were owners of a bar to meet my coworker over after overhearing us talk about work.
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  We got a lot of weird questions like that. That wasn't that crazy, I guess.
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  And then there was the Uber driver in Napa who almost drove us off a cliff with
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  all of the producers and cast inside.
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  Cooking tip of the day. If you cook when you're not hungry, you will most likely
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  get hungry later and eat it.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a date?
• 7:34
  Email me at lindsay at thedailysarcast.com.
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  Thanks you so much for listening. Talk to you guys tomorrow.