Latest / Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia. / Gratitude, Boundaries, Y El Bendito Thanksgiving

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Gratitude, Boundaries, Y El Bendito Thanksgiving · Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hi Mijita, welcome back to another episode of I Mijita in Breche Raíces Reclaim Your Essentia.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Doralicia Praxedis, and today, we are diving into a topic that hits every first gen Latina straight in the nervous system.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thanksgiving.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: That holiday where we feel grateful, stressed, excited, overwhelmed, blessed, tired, and hungry all at the same time.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: But this episode, this one's different.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because today we're talking about Thanksgiving with boundaries, Thanksgiving with gratitude, and Thanksgiving where your peace comes first.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: No mass people pleasing, no mass guilt, no más sacrificing yourself but others feel comfortable.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oi, you get permission to show up as your healed self.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh at least the version that's trying.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So take a deep breath, grab your cafecito, and let's get into it.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is not just listing things that you're grateful for.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is presence.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's noticing the moment, it's choosing softness, it's choosing you.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's drop into a mini gratitude practice.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Place one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Take a slow inhale through your nose and exhale out the mouth.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now think about one thing you're grateful for that no one sees.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your courage.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your survival.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your boundaries.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your healing.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Your voice.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your softness.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let that gratitude fill your chest.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now think about one thing you're grateful to let go this year.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: The guilt.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: The old family role.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: The need to prove yourself.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: The need to overgive.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't owe anyone your exhaustion.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is also being clear.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I matter too.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: My well-being matters too.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: My peace matters too.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And from that baseline, we can actually talk about the part we're all here for.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Ay Dios.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Aquivamos.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let me name the top Thanksgiving triggers.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, the body comments.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Mija, te ves más llenita.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: You look tired.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, senora.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know I had a body until you pointed it out.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where you want to make sure you own your body and you embrace it for what it is.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, the noisy questions.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Are you dating?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: When's the next baby?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: When are you buying a house?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why haven't you finished that degree?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, the emotional labor.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Go help your mom.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Go serve plates.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Go clean.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: A ver ayudale traducir esto to dra go translate.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, the guilt trips.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: You never visit, you changed.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're too good for us.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, the overgiving.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: You bring a whole dish and a dessert and cut the turkey and take out the trash.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, your primo, your cousin, shows up with a two-liter of Sprite and leaves with four to go plates.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I see you.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I feel you.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's unfair.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like who's pulling all up the weight?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's like just breathe in and out.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And just relax that nervous system and go wash your hands if you need to when any of these things happen.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is the heart of today's episode.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because gratitude without boundaries is just self-abandonment dressed in a boat.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into boundary types and give you actual scripts you can use.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, energetic boundaries.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Before you walk in, imagine a rose gold bubble of light around you.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's your energy, your aura, your peace.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Everything gets access.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Some affirmations you can say to yourself are, I choose what enters my space.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am present, not responsible.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I release emotional labor.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So try to use these going into your family get together.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, verbal boundaries and scripts.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: If someone comments on your body, you can say, or you could say, I'm not talking about my body today.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: If someone asks a nosy question, you can say, I'm keeping that private this year.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm not discussing that today, pero gracias por preguntar.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: If they expect you to help with everything, you can say something along the lines of I can help with one thing, not everything.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can say another phrase of I'm moving slower this year.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Someone else needs to jump in.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you're recovering, like for you and like for myself right now, like your body, you could say, um my body is healing.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm moving gently.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate your understanding.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: If someone guilt trips you though, that's where you could say, I love you, but I'm not available for that conversation.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, time boundaries.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: For whatever reason, if you're constricted on time, you can say something like this.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be there until 5 p.m.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm taking breaks when I need them.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I may step outside for air if I feel overwhelmed.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this isn't rude.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's respectable to your nervous system.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where it's it benefits you and it benefits everyone else around you.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, I could be a little grinched too when it comes to being a badass mood when it comes to family gatherings and I need to step away.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, emotional boundaries.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just remember, you are not responsible for old resentments, family drama, opinions about your life, fixing anyone's feelings, explaining yourself especially.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your healing is not a debate.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your boundaries are not negotiable.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your peace is not selfish.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where honor yourself on where you're at, depending on the circumstances, too, with who you're talking to.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, the permission to leave early.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: So listen to me.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you're drained, if someone crossed your boundary, if the energy feels heavy, you can leave at any point and moment.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you could say something like, Gracias por todo, me voy a descansar.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Simple, soft, done.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: This segment is just for fun, porque healing también includes laughter.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember one year I did a turkey.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So our family normally does not do turkeys, and actually, my daughter got a turkey this year from her job.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom, as we speak, is making tamales out of it.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: She put the turkey to cook and everything, and then she's gonna make tamalitos, which is amazing, probably red ones, and she's gonna bring them over.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I am making barbacoa, and so I went with my son to the store this morning and bought some barbacoa today.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's cooking as we speak in the slow cooker.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I remember one year we did turkey for the first time in the oven, and I wanted to do like this dry rub chorizo with papa's filled turkey because we don't normally don't do the stuffing and stuff like that, the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we do it a la Mexicana.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember this turkey, man, this thing was like burnt.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So the skin was burnt, but yo, like I did my turkey for the first time.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was super dry as hell.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I did not know you needed to bañar the turkey, like you needed to bathe it with wine and stuff like that.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: My mom actually, a few years later, she was able to um go ahead and and do the turkey.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: But usually we have a family gathering, my sisters, my mom, um, and our family get together.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: But uh this year we're we're hosting um once again, and we're hosting the house, but I decided to do the varoquoa kind of last minute.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I just remember growing up, like the tamales, the food, the grazing, the everything.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, like growing up as a kid, like every weekend was like a party.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: But when it came to like Thanksgiving or the holidays, that's where it just felt a little special.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't really understand the concept of Thanksgiving, but usually, like al final del día, you kind of at the end of the night, you make yourself a plate, right?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so the person that just shows up with like nothing and then leaves with a bunch of food, that's kind of funny as hell.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or the person that doesn't eat all day or for days, and then they just like graze the whole afternoon, and I think that's what it's all about, right?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Thanksgiving, being thankful for what you know what we have.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember, like, even nowadays, and I see it with other family members where it's like you always have that one person that's telling and directing traffic or telling everybody what to do, like, oh, ayuda tu mamá, or ayuda este alimpiar, or this and that, like mandona, right?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like just like bossy mode.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you always have the person that gets super drunk, shit faced, that just starts dancing.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I remember one year there was one person that was doing the iguana, and I think it was for my husband's birthday, which my husband's birthday is this Saturday.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so it always falls like around Thanksgiving holiday.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we usually do a twofer.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're doing a birthday cake.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't know it, but that's why I went to the store to buy him one.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Un pastelito de tres leches, which is so good.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, dancing la iguana, like off floor and everything, like trying to like do that breakdance kind of thing.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, whoa.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I saw butt cheeks at that at one point.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it was it was really funny.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, it's it's a lot of boundaries, right?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are you here for?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: What do you are able to tolerate?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it's like I just want to be have peace and joy.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like I could care less if like everything's so dirty.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like at the end of the night, like I know it'll get cleaned eventually, like the next day or whatever.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom is we'll see, like the woman is superwoman, and she's my superhero because she cleans, she cooks, she tends to, and especially these past few days and the past few weeks, like she's been tending to me like a mother.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because usually I'm the mother to everybody else, and for me to receive that mother love and mother nurturing, like that that was different for me to receive.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, any family function, like set your boundaries beforehand energetically, physically, emotionally, mentally, and then walk into that place, like owning the room.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: You get to decide, you get to leave whenever you want, like you don't have to stay till the end.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why we set them is to be in honoring ourselves.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do a nervous system reset.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: So inhale for four through your nose, hold for two, and then exhale through your mouth for six.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's repeat that three times.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale for four, hold for two, and exhale for six.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Two more times.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale, hold, and exhale for six.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, one more time.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale, hold, and exhale for six.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: A little longer and shake out the hands.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Roll the shoulders, do a little shimmy shimmy, like shake the shoulders there, and place your hand on your corason and whisper.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: I choose peace.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I choose presence.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: I choose myself.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's zoom out.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your boundaries honor the ancestors who never could.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your rest is a prayer.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your healing is a gift to your lineage.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Your no is a revolution.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your gratitude is an altar.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're breaking cycles, even at Thanksgiving.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Especially at Thanksgiving.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: So honor yourself and honor what's coming up, and especially stick to what feels right for you.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now I invite you to grab your journal, or you can just sit and think about and reflect on these questions.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what am I genuinely grateful for this season?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what boundary do I need to commit to for my peace?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, what version of me wants to show up to Thanksgiving this year?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, who supports my energy?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Who drains it?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, what am I letting go of before I walk into that house or that family gathering?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so you can pause this recording after each one of these questions.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: But I am eternally grateful for this season of healing, especially with all the support that I've been getting, all the love, all the carinho, everything that's being thrown at me, all the cards in the mail, like all the goodies that I receive on a daily, that be via text or physical form.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: The boundary I'm set to commit to for my peace is to stay in that positive energy.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if I have someone that comes over or is through going through negative energy, like I try to, if I have space for it, I'll allow it.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can try to support them, but for the most part, I'm just trying to stay in that positive vibe.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: That are neutral.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: The version of me that wants to show up to Thanksgiving this year is I'm healing.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: I am honoring my body, can't move as fast, I can't do everything that I want.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even bend over and pick up stuff.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's really humbling.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not that I'm not doing anything, I'm just sitting back in the recliner and enjoying the show.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: So who's supporting my energy and who drains it, right?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's the question that I'm asking myself on a daily, not only just for today being the Thanksgiving holiday.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's who's supporting me in that positive reinforcement energy versus who drains it.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I know exactly who drains my energy, and I've been having conversations with that individual, and it's been rough because sometimes we do the silent treatment, the stonewalling.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that may or may not serve the situation.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when before I let go, and obviously I'm hosting this here, but it what I let go of when I'm entering my own house in my own space is if I don't like it, I'll just go upstairs and go to sleep.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have no shame to it, and I'm hosting, it's my house.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: But if I'm tired or whatever, I'm definitely gonna go to my room and just like take a cat nap or whatnot.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the beauty of having hosting it in your own house.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't have to put a show on all the time.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: So as we close out, I want you to take one last breath in and out through your nose.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, well, I meant in through your nose, out through your mouth.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Take one last breath.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank your body.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank your journey.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank your ancestors.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank yourself for choosing a healed path.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you're taking one step at a time there.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve a Thanksgiving that feels like peace and not pressure.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And soak into that.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Dig your feet into the ground and let your body relax and enjoy that peace.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And hone in on it and anchor on it to whatever gathering or whatever social event that you go to over the next few days.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me today, Mijita.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode spoke to your corazon, share it with someone who needs these boundaries too.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I, from my family to yours and your loved ones, have a great Thanksgiving that honors you.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I will see you next time.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: I will catch you, or you can catch me on the gram at the Praxelis, and sending you so much love.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Big kiss and a hug from now.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.