Latest / Executive Careers with Fexingo: VP, C-Suite, and Senior Leadership Career Strategy / How Senior Leaders Use Executive Coaches Without Wasting Money
Transcript
- Lucas: If you're a VP or a C-suite executive, you have probably been told at some point that you need an executive coach. Maybe your HR business partner suggested it. Maybe a mentor recommended it. Maybe you just felt like it was the premium upgrade you needed to get to the next level. Luna: And so you hired one. And then what happened? Lucas: For most people, the answer is: not much. They spend fifteen thousand dollars over six months, have a series of pleasant conversations, maybe get a few lightbulb moments, but nothing really changes in their career trajectory. Luna: That's a lot of money for pleasant conversations. Lucas: It is. And the problem isn't the coach. A good coach can be transformative. The problem is that senior leaders — who are very good at managing teams and budgets and P&Ls — are often terrible at managing the coach relationship. They fall into one of three traps. Luna: Alright, let's hear them. Lucas: Trap number one: the Vent Trap. You spend the session venting about your difficult boss or your toxic board member or the reorg that's going sideways. It feels cathartic in the moment, but it's not moving you anywhere. Luna: It's like paying for a therapist who doesn't push back. Lucas: Exactly. And the coach sometimes lets it happen because they want you to feel heard. But after three sessions of venting, you're in the same place. Trap two: the Validation Trap. You go in with a decision you've already made, and you essentially hire the coach to greenlight it. Luna: So you're paying for a rubber stamp. Lucas: Right. You say, 'I'm thinking of leaving for a competitor. What do you think?' And the coach, who doesn't have full context, says, 'It sounds like you've thought this through.' And you feel validated. But you haven't actually stress-tested the decision. Luna: And the third trap? Lucas: The Delegation Trap. This one is subtle. You treat the coach like a consultant. You give them a problem — 'I need to improve my board presentation skills' — and you expect them to fix it. But coaching doesn't work that way. A coach is not going to rewrite your slide deck for you. Luna: Right, because then it's not your skill that improves. Lucas: Exactly. And the irony is that senior leaders are so action-oriented that they want to outsource the work. But coaching is not outsourcing. It's a partnership where you do the work and the coach holds you accountable. Luna: So what does the effective version look like? Lucas: The effective version hinges on what I call the Accountability Contract. You and your coach agree, in writing, on three things: one, a specific outcome you're aiming for — not a vague 'become a better leader' but something like 'secure a board seat at a private company within six months.' Two, the specific actions you will take between sessions. Three, the consequences if you don't take those actions. Luna: Consequences — that's interesting. What kind of consequences? Lucas: Could be anything from a financial penalty — you donate to a cause you hate — to a commitment to tell your peer group that you failed to follow through. The point is that the coach's job is not to give you answers but to make sure you do what you said you would do. Luna: And that actually works? Lucas: I have a concrete example. A former VP of Product at a mid-cap SaaS company — let's call her Sarah — came to me frustrated. She'd been job searching for six months, had done dozens of interviews, but nothing had closed. She was working with a coach, but they were spending most of the time debriefing her interviews. By the time the next interview came, she hadn't fixed the core issues. Luna: So that's the Vent Trap combined with the Delegation Trap. Lucas: Exactly. So we restructured her coaching engagement. She committed to sending her coach her interview prep materials 48 hours before each interview. If she failed to send them, she had to donate five hundred dollars to a political campaign she despised. She sent them every single time. Within ten weeks, she had two offers — one for a COO role at a growth-stage company, and one for a board seat. Luna: The accountability contract turned the coach into a forcing mechanism. Lucas: Exactly. And, you know, this episode itself is a good reminder of how important it is to have structures that keep you honest. Quick honest thing — a handful of listeners chip in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo, and that's literally what funds making as many of these episodes as we do. No ads, no sponsors, just listener support. Luna: Yeah, and we keep it that way on purpose. It means we don't have to tailor anything to a sponsor's agenda. We just get to focus on what's useful for senior leaders. Lucas: Right. So if you've gotten value from the show, that's the way to keep it going. But back to coaching — the Accountability Contract works because it transforms the coach from a passive sounding board into an active enforcer of your own commitments. Luna: So what about senior leaders who are currently in a coaching engagement and think they might be in one of those traps? How do they course-correct? Lucas: First, have a honest conversation with your coach. Say, 'I think we've been drifting into venting. I want to reset. Here's the specific outcome I want over the next three months.' If the coach resists that structure, that's a red flag. Luna: What if the coach says, 'I don't do that kind of structured coaching'? Lucas: Then you need a different coach. Not every coach is right for every executive. Some coaches are better for early-career professionals who need fundamental skill-building. Senior leaders need someone who will challenge them, not just support them. Luna: And that's hard because senior leaders are used to being the smartest person in the room. It takes humility to let someone hold you accountable. Lucas: It does. And that's actually the secret. The leaders who get the most out of coaching are the ones who are willing to be uncomfortable. They don't treat coaching as a reward for making it to the top. They treat it as a tool to stay sharp. Luna: So before you write that check for the next coaching engagement, ask yourself: am I ready to be held accountable? Lucas: And if the answer is yes, you'll get more than your money's worth. If the answer is no, save the fifteen grand and go for a walk instead.