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Stop Letting Comparison Steal Your Confidence With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Have everyone. It's Cali here for this week's Mojo Monday.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: So here's a question. Have you ever held yourself back
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  Speaker 1: because you've felt less than? So maybe it is less attractive,
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  Speaker 1: or less capable, or less successful or less confident. You know,
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  Speaker 1: it's like you walk into a room and immediately your
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  Speaker 1: mind starts scanning and looking for evidence, you know, like
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  Speaker 1: she's fitter, or he's more articulate than me, or they
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: seem happier, or that person's achieved more, and without even
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: realizing it, you start to shrink yourself. And maybe that
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  Speaker 1: looks like speaking less or not taking a risk or withdrawing.
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  Speaker 1: And here's what most people don't realize. Comparison is such
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  Speaker 1: a normal human reflex. Brains are wired for it. It's
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  Speaker 1: how we learned where we stood in the tribe. We
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  Speaker 1: had to know we were valued for survival of the
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  Speaker 1: tribe and of course our own survival as well, because
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  Speaker 1: if we weren't being valuable, we'd get kicked out. So
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  Speaker 1: it was actually really useful. So if you compare yourself
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  Speaker 1: to others, it's normal. It's a normal, innate human response.
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  Speaker 1: It's just that our environment has changed so much that
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  Speaker 1: now it can have a negative effect, a huge negative
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  Speaker 1: effect on our choices, and what it can do is
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  Speaker 1: take us down very two different pathways. So it can
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  Speaker 1: plummet your self esteem and make you feel small and stuck,
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  Speaker 1: or it can actually be motivating. And from a heartiness perspective,
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  Speaker 1: this comes down to one very powerful lens. Do you
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  Speaker 1: see comparison as a threat or do you see it
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  Speaker 1: as a challenge. So when you see it as a threat,
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  Speaker 1: your nervous system reacts. You might withdraw, you might start
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  Speaker 1: criticize yourself. You might avoid the thing altogether, like the
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  Speaker 1: gym or the social event, or the opportunity or the conversation,
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  Speaker 1: and your choices start to be based on avoidance. But
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  Speaker 1: when you see it as a challenge, something shifts in
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  Speaker 1: your mind, which then shifts your behavior. As soon as
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  Speaker 1: the situation is viewed as a challenge, you actually get
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  Speaker 1: into action mode. And if you feel stuck, the best
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  Speaker 1: way to get unstuck is to focus on what you
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  Speaker 1: can control and not focus on the things you can't control.
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  Speaker 1: And you don't have to like the things you can't control,
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  Speaker 1: But what you can do is shift your focus to
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  Speaker 1: something way more constructive. And this is certainly not about
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  Speaker 1: pretending you don't feel inferior. Sometimes it's not about force confidence,
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  Speaker 1: it's about how you interpret the moment and then what
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  Speaker 1: you do next. You cannot stop your brain from comparing
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  Speaker 1: yourself to others. So that advice, which I'm sure we
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  Speaker 1: have all had at some stage in our life, stop
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  Speaker 1: comparing yourself to others, Actually isn't that helpful because it's
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  Speaker 1: very very hard not to. But maybe instead the advice
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  Speaker 1: should be, well, that may be so, but is it
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  Speaker 1: helpful to focus on those thoughts? What is actually in
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  Speaker 1: your control right now? Where you direct your attention, your effort,
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  Speaker 1: your preparation, developing skills, your consistency, your willingness to practice.
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  Speaker 1: You can decide, am I willing to stay engaged here
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  Speaker 1: even if I feel uncomfortable that someone else is ahead
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  Speaker 1: of me, or prettier than me, or one up on me.
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  Speaker 1: And you can even remember that the person you're comparing
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  Speaker 1: yourself to has there all their own insecurities that you
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  Speaker 1: can't see. So an inferior complex doesn't have to dictate
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  Speaker 1: our choices. It's a lens we're seeing the world through,
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  Speaker 1: and lenses can be adjusted. So this week, notice if
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  Speaker 1: you start to shrink yourself notice when comparison makes you hesitate,
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  Speaker 1: and instead of getting caught up in that web of
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  Speaker 1: that I'm not good enough story, try asking what's one
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  Speaker 1: small action I can take because your life won't change
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  Speaker 1: from waiting to feel more confident. Confidence is an action word,
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  Speaker 1: not just a feeling. You develop confidence from acting with courage,
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  Speaker 1: the feeling feeling that discomfort while you do what matters.
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  Speaker 1: And that can be really hard, but that's okay because
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  Speaker 1: we know that growth happens when you do hard things.
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  Speaker 1: Have a great week, everyone, and I will catch you
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  Speaker 1: next week. Soa